Action Tips for Allies of Trans People

Thefollowingareseveralactionstipsthatcanbeusedasyoumovetowardbecomingabettertrans ally.Ofcourse,thislistisnotexhaustiveandcannotincludealltherightthingstodoorsaybecause oftenthereisnosingle,easy,orrightanswertoeverysituationapersonmightencounter.Be mindfulthatthereisnorightwaytobetrans.Norwrongwayortruewaytobetrans*.Youwill noticeasyoulearnmoreabouttranspeople,genderidentities/presentations,andgenderdifferences thatthereareasmanytransgendernarrativesastherearetrans*people. Dontassumeyoucantellifsomeoneistransgender. Transgenderandtranssexualpeopledontalllookacertainwayorcomefromthesamebackground,andmany maynotappearvisiblytrans.Indeed,manytranspeoplelivemostoftheirliveswithveryfewpeople knowingtheirtransstatus. Dontmakeassumptionsaboutatranspersonssexualorientation. Genderidentityisdifferentthansexualorientation.Sexualorientationisaboutwhowereattractedto. Genderidentityisabouthowweknowourowngender.Transpeoplecanidentifyasgay,straight,bisexual, pansexual,asexual,andmore! Becarefulaboutconfidentiality,disclosure,andouting. Sometranspeoplefeelcomfortabledisclosingtheirtransstatustoothers,andsomedonot.Knowingatrans personsstatusispersonalinformationanditisuptothemtoshareitwithothers.Donotcasuallysharethis information,orgossipaboutapersonyouknoworthinkistrans.Notonlyisthisaninvasionofprivacy,it alsocanhavenegativeconsequencesinaworldthatisveryintolerantofgenderdifferencetranspeoplecan losejobs,housing,friends,andsadlyhaveevenbeenkilleduponrevelationoftheirtransstatus. Understandthedifferencesbetweencomingoutaslesbian,bisexual,orgay(LBG)andcomingoutas trans. UnlikecomingoutinaLBGcontext,wheretheactofdisclosingonessexualityrevealsatruthaboutthat personssexualorientation,disclosingonestransstatusoftenhastheoppositeeffect.Thatis,whenaperson comesoutastrans,thelisteneroftenassumesthetruthaboutthetranspersonisthattheyaresomehow morefundamentallyamemberoftheirbirthsex,ratherthanthegender/sextheyhavechosentolivein.In otherwords,sometimescomingoutmakesitmoredifficultforatranspersontobefullyrecognizedasthe sex/gendertheyarelivingin. Donottolerateantitransremarksorhumorinpublicspaces. Considerstrategiestobestconfrontantitransremarksorjokesinyourclassroom,,office,home,or organization.Seekoutotherallieswhowillsupportyouinthiseffort. Ifyoudontknowwhatpronounstouse,ask,orifthatdoesntseemsafefortheindividual,dontuseany pronouns. Bepoliteandrespectfulwhenyouaskapersonwhichpronountheyprefer.Recognizethatevenaskingcould poseasafetyriskorpressureanindividualtooutthemselves.Askinasafe,privatemanner.Thenusethat pronounandencourageotherstodoso. Bepatientwithapersonwhoisquestioningtheirgenderidentity. Apersonwhoisquestioningtheirgenderidentitymightshiftbackandforthastheyfindoutwhatidentity and/orgenderpresentationisbestforthem.Theymight,forexample,chooseanewnameorpronoun,and thendecideatalatertimetochangethenameorpronounagain.Berespectfulandusethenameand/or pronounrequested. Donttrytotellapersonwhatcategoryoridentitytheyfitinto. Donotapplylabelsoridentitiestoapersonthattheyhavenotchosenforthemselves.Ifapersonisnot sureofwhichidentityorpathfitsthembest,givethemthetimeandspacetodecideforthemselves.
TalcottBroadhead,M.S.W,2011

Don'tassumewhatpathatranspersonisonregardingsurgeryorhormones,anddontprivilegeonepath overanother. Affirmthemanywaysallofuscananddotranscendgenderboundaries,includingthechoicessomeofusmake tousemedicaltechnologyoralternativestochangeourbodies.Sometranspeoplewishtoberecognizedas theirgenderofchoicewithoutsurgeryorhormones;someneedsupportandadvocacytogetrespectful medicalcare,hormones,and/orsurgery. Dontaskatranspersonwhattheirrealnameis. Forsometranspeople,beingassociatedwiththeirbirthnameisatremendoussourceofanxiety,oritis simplyapartoftheirlifetheywishtoleavebehind.Respectthenameatranspersoniscurrentlyusing. Dontaskaboutatranspersonsgenitalsorsurgicalstatus. Thinkaboutititwouldntbeconsideredappropriatetoaskanontranspersonabouttheappearanceor statusoftheirgenitalia,soitisntappropriatetoaskatranspersonthatquestioneither.Likewise,dontask ifatranspersonhashadthesurgery.Ifatranspersonwantstotalktoyouaboutsuchmatters,letthem bringitup. Dontaskatranspersonhowtheyhavesex. Similartothequestionsaboveaboutgenitaliaandsurgeryitwouldntbeconsideredappropriatetoaska nontranspersonabouthowtheyhavesex,sothesamecourtesyshouldbeextendedtotranspeople. Don'tpolicepublicrestrooms. Recognizethatpeoplemaynotmatchthelittlesignsontherestroomdoororyourexpectations!Encourage schools,businessesandagenciestohavemoreunisexbathroomoptions,andoffertoaccompanyatrans persontothebathroom,inabuddysystem,sotheyarelessvulnerable.Transorgendernonconforming folksshouldnotbemandatedtousetheunisexbathroom.TheWashingtonStateHumanRightsCommission whichistheorganizationresponsibleforenforcingWLAD(RCW49.60.215),publicallysupportstherightof transgenderindividualstousetherestroomthatcorrespondstotheirgenderidentity. Don'tjustaddtheTwithoutdoingwork. LBGTisnowacommonplaceacronymthatjoinslesbian,bisexual,gay,andtransgenderunderthesame umbrella.Tobeanallytotranspeople,gays,lesbiansandbisexualsneedtoexaminetheirowngenderstereo types,theirownprejudicesandfearsabouttranspeople,andbewillingtodefendandcelebratetranslives. Knowyourownlimitsasanally. Dontbeafraidtoadmityoudontknoweverything! Whendealingwithatranspersonwhomayhavesoughtyououtforsupportorguidance,besuretopoint thatpersontoappropriateresourceswhenyouvereachedthelimitofyourknowledgeorabilitytohandle thesituation.Itisbettertoadmityoudontknowsomethingthantoprovideinformationthatmaybe incorrectorhurtful. Listentotransvoices. Thebestwaytobeanallyistolistenwithanopenmindtotranspeoplethemselves.Theyaretheexpertson theirownlives!Talktotranspeopleinyourcommunity.

BroughttoyoubyTalcottBroadhead,M.S.W,LSWAA www.talcottbroadhead.com

Adaptedfrom:Trans@MITAlliesToolkit,ActionStepsforBeingaTransAllybySamuelLurie,andIdeasforAlliesofthe TransgenderandIntersexCommunitiesbyElizabethR.GreenandEricN.PetersonoftheUniversityofCaliforniaRiverside