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You fvlean I'mNotLazs,sfupi orCrazy?!

A Self-Help for Adults Book withAttention Oeficit Disorder


Foreword LarryB. Silver,M. D. by

New York

A FiresideBook Publishedby Simon & Schuster London Toronto sydney Tokyo


FIRESIDE Rockefeller Center 1230 Avenue of the Americas New York, NY 10020 Copyright O 1993 by Kate Kelly and P.ggy Ramundo All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. First FiresideEdition 1996 FrRrslor and colophon are registeredtrademarksof Simon & SchusterInc. Designedby Tony Magliano Manufactured in the United Statesof America 5 7 9 1 0 8 6

Dara Cataloging'in-Publication Library of Congress Kelly, Kate. book for adultswith a You mean I'm not lazy, stupid or crazy?!: self-help attention deficit disorder/KateKelly and PeggyRamundo. p' cm. and index' Includes bibliographical references 1. Attention-delicit disorderin adults-Popular works. I. Ramundo, Peggy. Il. Title. 94-40538 RC394.A85K45 1995 CIP 616.85'89-dc20

rsBN0-684-80116-7 (Pbk) rsBN0.684-81531-1

This bookis dedicated the memory Fred Clwison,my to of dearfriend and,s,ometimes parent. With hisunfailing sunogate cornpassion sense humor, Fred enriched hives all and of the of who knew him. He wiII be missed, neqter but forgotten. I(ote Kelly

Thls bookis dedicated my family: to To Rob-for l<eeping everything togetlwr I could" so write it To Alison-fo, fiuingmy life with your bomlless love and joy To Jeremy-for struggling cowrageously yow ADD so with and teaching so muchaboutmine me Peggy Ramlznldo

Table Confents Of


Foreword by Larry B. Silver, M.D, Introduction: ADD Isn't Just For Kids Anymore!


Chapter I
From the Porch to the Printed Page: A Reader's Guide to Understanding This Book How To ReadThis Book . Who Should ReadThis Book o Diagnosis Isn't a Do-lt-Yourself Enterprise

Chapter 2
Understanding the Disorder That Makes Us Feel Lazy, Stupid or Crazy About Definitions and Descriptionso The Big Three: Inattenrion, Impulsivity,Hyperactivity o But Why? . How Common Is Itl o Not Justfor BoysAnymore

Chapter 3
The Impact of Growing Up with ADD o o AgesandStages The Cycleof Disapproval Abilities and Disabilities



CoNrENrs -

Chapter 4
How Are We Different? . One Channel Operation o Locking In/Blocking Out o I Hate Details o DefectiveFilter r TouchyTouchability r Emotional o Roller Coasters IntenseINTENSITY . The IDP Dynamic o Bottomless of Needs o Supersonic Pit Brains r Activity Levels in Flux o Thrill Seekerso InrracrableTime Tyrant . Space o Struggles Action/Inaction Imbalanceo ReactionTime Irregu. Miniscule Mental Fuel Tanks . Undependable larity Memory/ o Leaming Systems ImpairedSocialSkills' Control Centers


Chapter 5
The Not So Fine Art of Coping Bad is Better Than Stupid . fh. perfectionisro The Blamer o \Uho Cares?o Manipulation . Withdrawal o Chip On the Shouldero Thke Me or LeaveMe o It Ain't So o Helplessness o Controller o Peter Pan Syndrome o SpaceCadet . The Party Animal o EmotionalIncontinence. The Blabber. The Bulldozer


Chapter 6
I KNOW. . .I TIIINK. . .I HA\ZE ADD:WIIAI DO I DO NO\ry? The Savvy Mental Health Consumer o The \7hy and How of the DiagnosticEvaluation o After the Diagnosis-You Are \forth All the \fork It \7i11Take to Recover o Self-Discoveryand the Grief Process: Shock of Recognition;Anger-Why Me?;DenialNot Me!; Bargaining-lt Can All Be Fixed;Depression-Reality Sinks In; Acceprance-Outof the Depths!

| 06

Chapter ?


About Balance, Toyotas,@ Porschesp Circus High Wires, and the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous Finely Tuned and In Need of SensitiveHandling . How-To'sof Achieving Balance:The 12 Step Framework. A one Rat Study: o Analyzing Strengthsand lTeaknesses Constructing a PersonalizedSafetyNet for Your High Wire Act



Chapter 8
Interfacing In Action: Groups and Friendships The Art and Scienceof Communication o Hazard:SocialSlippery Running Spots o Act I, Group Interactions:Mental Gymnastics; . Survival Tips: Out of Gas;CruiseControls Set on Mega-Speed 'lTorking Group Interactionso Act II, One to One Encounters: At Not Working So Hard, NegativeSelf-Talk . SurvivalTips: Friendshipso Effective Communication


9 Chapter


Interfacing in Action: Getting Along on the Job A Variation on the Theme of Inter{acingo Act III, Getting Along Office Politics,Written and At \7ork: Complex Interrelationships, o SurvivalTips:On the Job . High Tech ComUnwritten Rules 'lUork Related Out of State! o munication,or Don't Fax Yourself o Stress: Noise, Doorsand Telephones Foot in Mouth Disease o 'What Do You Want to Do \7hen You Grow Up? o Are You Failing On the Job or Is YourJob Failing You?

chaptero l


Interfacing In Action: In The Dating Game and The Family o High StakeRelationships Act IV The Dating Game:Intensity; Insatiability; the Walking \Tounded; The Prince Charming Trap o Survival Tips: Intimate Relationshipso Act V SceneI, Marriage and Child Rearing:Meet the Bakers,1 Plus 1 Is More Than Two, Parentingand the ADD Dimension o SurvivalTips: "Planned BounParenting". Act V SceneII, Chaoson the Cul-de,Sac: d"ry Issues and Invisible Circles . Family Therapy o Survival Tips: Emotional Living Space

Chapterl I
From Mealtime Mania to Outing Ordeals: flow,To's of Decreasing Discord Scenes From the Kitchen Table and ADD Family Fun o Family Life Through the Eyesof Tom, Jan, Amy, Zacharyand Jennifer o o CombustibleMix of ADD Temperaments Survival Tips: Reducing the Chaos and Tuming Down the Volume . Survival Tips: From Chaos to PeacefulCo-Existence




Chapter 12


Principles of Governmenfi Family Style Poisedfor Defense Attack . Establishing SharedGovemmenr or a o Principlesand Rulesof Conduct for Family Meetings o Equal Opportunity Participation:Problem-Solving, Bargaining, Negotiation, Contracting o GuardingAgainst Expectations Perfection of

Chapter3 |
Dynamics of ADD in Organization: Mechanics and Methods Life is Difficult for the OrganizationallyImpaired o Creating Order: Where Do You Start? o Designinga Clearing Our and Storing Systemo Home Office Management:the Peaceof Mind Payoff o PracticalTools for MessManagement o PaperPile Managementand Its Cardinal Rules o Ji3 Do's and PaperPile Mis. management. Time Management:Thming the Time Monster


Chapter 14
Dynamics of ADD in Memorys Mechanics and Methods The Memory Chain o Memory and Learning:You Can't Have o One Without the Other o How Are Your Memories? How Do r Memory Tune.Up You Leam: What's Your Leaming Style? . Techniques Leaming Tipt o Leaming Disabilitiesand ADD


Chapter l5
Cmtches, Ladders and the Decision to Seek Professional Help About Crutches,Laddersand Assumptionso Are You Readyto 'Whar's Ask for Help? o Alternative and MainstreamTherapies: the Difference?o The Value and Limitations of Research. Becoming Your Own CaseManager o J[ Be. . . or Not To Be Medi. cated o The Issue Substance of Abuse


Chapter l6


Medicine and Medicine Management o A tial and Error Process The How and \fhy of Medicine o Benefits,Action, Side Effects, DoseLevels:Stimulant Medications; Tricyclic Antidepressants; Misce[aneousand Newer Drugs . SelfMedicationso Medicine:A Starting Place,Not the Final Destination



Chapter |?


Therapy and More Therapy ftgl"pt Dilemma o Cognitive and BehavioralTherapy . Speech and Language Therapy o EducationalRemediation .- Psychodyo namic Psychotherapies Miscellaneous Therapieso Family o Social Skills Tiaining o SensoryIntegration o PsychoTherapy education o Support Groups o Asserriveness taining o Alternative Therapy:Yoga; Massage; Brain Massage Virnril Reality (l); and Progressive MuscleRelaxation o Visualizationo Tianscendental Meditation o Natural Childbirth Techniqueso Diet Therapy o EEG Biofeedback

Chapter8 |
From Obstacle to Opportunity If You Could Pusha Button and Not Have ADD Anymore, !7ould o You PushIt? o About Joy,Hope and Possibiliries ADD and the Specialized Brain o Abilities Within Disabilities: The ADD Advano r Storieso What Is Success? Finding Your Niche: !"ge Success Better Late Than Never o The Bright Outlook for Us o ADD is More Than a Disorder:It Is Also An ADDed Dimensionl


Imagine a World Without ADD

4tl 414

Appendix A
Suggested Reading List

420 427

Appendix B
Resource List


Kate Kelly: I find myselfapproaching this sectionwith sometrepidation. I wonder if my erratic ADD memory will do its job adequately. I fail If to mention someone who has contributedto this project,please chalk it up to faulty memory rather than a lack of appreciation. First, I wish to thank the membersof the Cincinnati ADD Adult S.rpport Group for sharing invaluable information about their personal experiences with ADD. They have alsofunctioned ascheeileaders, readers people. and resource Specialthanks are in order to the ADD Council of Greater Cincinnati which has organizeda superbnerwork of ADD parents,ADD adults and interestedprofessionals. This community network has made my job easier. GeorgeSchoberhas eamed a heartfelt thanks for helping facilitate the supportgroup,providing editorial assistance being a good friend and even ashe struggledwith a personaltragedy.Georgeis an ADD adult who has becomemy role model for gracefullybalancing the various parts of one'slife. I am etemally grateful to Dr. Bonnie Green who contributed to the process writing this book in several of job ways.She did a superb of supportingmy husbandthrough the difficult task of writing his doctoral dissertation.As his committee chair, she went above and beyond the call of duty, giving the extra encouragement would have provided if I I hadn't been so preoccupied with my own project. She has alsobeen an enthusiasticsupporterof this book from concepr ro completion.



I alsowish to thank Rob Allard both for filling in assupporrgroup facilitator and providing feedbackon the rough draftsof this manuscript.Billy Stockton, Marjorie Buschingand Marta Donahoealso took time out of busyschedules read and comment on the book. to Thanks also to Angela Field who provided child care and the useof her computerwhen mine wasunavailable.SuzanneBehle,my daughter's teacherfor the past three years,has been a listening ear and support personwhenever I neededit. I wish to thank my co-author,P.ggy Ramundo and her husbandRob Ramundo for their contributions to a greatwriting/publishing team. I have been part of many work groupsin my life but none has functioned aswell asthis one. I hope we will continue to collaborate projects on for many yearsto come. Last, but certainly not least,a round of applause goesto my family. To parents,Barbaraand CharlesKelln who did a greatjob of raising a my very difficult child. To -y daughterTyrell whosemany love notes, drawingsand hugskept me going when the going got rough. Thanks, Tyrell, for being such a greatkid and for being so patient with me. To my husbandDoug who has believed in me from the beginning. He was there with his supportwhen this book wasonly a half-bakedidea.He didn't hesitatewhen we took the plunge together,committing most of our personaland financial resources publishing it. Thanks Doug, for to helping me make my dream a reality.

'Words Peggy Ramundo: are inadequateto express appreciation my for my parentswho supportedme in countlesswaysduring the process of writing this book. They reminded me to eat and sleep,took over many chauffeuringduties for my children and provided numerouschildfree weekends. They didn't alwaysapproveof the intensity with which I approached this project, but they never failed to supportmy efforts. To -y husband,Rob-what can I say? You've kept me in clean, ironed clothes,my cabinetsstockedwith groceries, car filled with gas,my ffiy computer stockedwith paper and my children embracedwith your love. You've fed the dog you never wanted and protectedme when my



all old cat died.You'veassumed the rolesI've given up the pasttwo years-l couldn't have done it without you. My children Alison and Jeremyhave both shown incredible maturity Thank you for getting and understandingat being semi-motherless. leaving love notes on my your own breakfasts, entertaining yourselves, computer and working so hard to understandwhy mommy couldn't go awaywith you and your daddyfor the weekend.I love you both so much! I'd like to thank my friend, Bunny Hensley,for her emotional support. Thanks for your friendship, Bunny, and for encouragingme to take sometime off once and a while. Liz \fymer, my son'steacherfor three years,has provided ongoing Thanks, Liz, for taking such good care of supportand encouragement. providing the structurefor him to manageon his own and Jeremy, putting up with all the times I've gotten him to schoollate! My thanks to all the ADD adults and parentsof ADD children who and have sharedtheir lives with me. Your insights,experiences struggleshave contributed in invaluable waysto this book. From Both of Us: Mury JaneJohnson,founder of the ADDult Network hasbeen an enthusiasticsupporterof our efforts.She has reviewed and has sharedboth information and conthe book at variousstages the efforts at organtzingADD adults across tacts. Her single-handed Thanks to Mary Jane, results. United Stateshasproducedimpressive we have been able to gather information from ADD adults throughout the country. who specializes the diagin Schroeder, neuropsychologist a Dr. Joseph generously donatnosisand treatment of ADD adults and adolescents, ed his time and expertiseasa consultant.Dr. \UayneHarrison has conliterature and offering his ongoing on tributed by passing professional moral support. trips Our thanks to Rita R. Stull for taking this manuscripton business and spendingher free time helping us dot the i's and crossthe t's.Thanla, but alsofor Rita, not only for your command of the English language your insightsand experiences that have addedto the qualiry of this book.



And last, but certainly not least,we'd like to thank David Stull for his contribution to naming this book. The title changedinumerabletimes during the process writing it. Our pages possibilitieswenr in the of of trash after Dave'sexcited phone call one day.His creative brainstorming culminated in our creating the presenttitle that we feel truly caprures the realitv of ADD.


percent of children with Attention It is now clear that at least 5Oo/o Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) continue to have the disorder Recent studiesconfirm that at least30Voof thesechildren asadolescents. continue to have ADHD as adults.The behaviorspersistand causeas much difficulty asthey did when the personwasa child or adolescent. Someadultsfirst leam of their ADHD when their child is diagnosed. Suddenlythey say,"That's me. I have the sameproblems."Other adults first leam of their problem when they read an article in a magazine or seea specialon television. Unfortunately, too many adultsnever leam of their disability. Adults with ADHD continue to be hyperactive,distractible,and/or impulsive.They can have difficulty with organization.In addition, many developsecondary emotional, socialor family problems.Often planning or job relatedproblems.Further, many of there are career theseadults alsohave learning disabilitieswhich, like the ADHD, might have been undiagnosed and untreated. Thus, adultswith ADHD need information about their disability and its impact on themselves, their families,their work and their sociallives. Kate Kelly's and Peggy Ramundo's book,YouMewt I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or CraTy?1, doesan excellentjob of providing this information in an accurate, clear and easyto readway.Of equalimportance,theseauthors go beyondproviding information by offering specificsuggestions and programsto address each problem area.



his It is critical for eachadult to understand or her pastand how ADHD might have affectedpersonaland family life aswell asschool perforThis understanding can result in a better manceand peer relationships. past difficulties and can be the start of rethinking one's understandingof The authorshelp the readerdo this. The adult is then helped self-image. Possible to exploreeachareaof his or her life, identifiringproblemareas. problemswith self, with communication, with meaningful others and practical with work areexplored.Whenever a problem areais discussed, for it suggestions addressing are presentedwith many examples. Men and women who first discovertheir disability in adulthood have Ramundo much to leam and much to do. I thank Kate Kelly and Peggy for writing such an informative and very helpful book. A11adults with ADHD and all familiesof adultswith ADHD will benefit from reading and studyingthis book. Larry B. Silver, M.D. of Clinical Professor Psychiatry; Director of Training in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry GeorgetownUniversity School of Medicine

Dr. Silver is a national leaderin the field of Leaming Disabilitiesand Attention Deficit-Hyperactivity Disorder.For over twenty yearshis primary research, clinical and teaching interestshave focusedon the psychological and socialimpact of subtle,often invisibleneurological disabilities. His extensivewriting includesover one hundredthirty publications.These include his popular book, The Misunderstood ChiA Disorder: A and two recent additions, AttennonDeficitHyperacnvity and Clinical Guide to Diagnosis Treatment,for clinicians and Dr. Inrry . Adq,)ice Par entson AttentionD eficit HyperacnviryDisordBr to Silqrer's



eDD Just Kids lsn'f for Anymore!

If you're readingthis book, you probablyfit into one of the following categories: l.You are well informedaboutAttention Deficit Disorderand are readingthis book to seeif it containsany new information. 2.Youhave beendiagnosed with the disorderand are wondering, "\Uhat do I do now?" 3.Youhave a growingsuspicion, perhaps fueledby your experienceswith a child, grandchildor siblingwho has attention deficits, that you may have the disorderyourself. This book is for all of you. It isn't a scholarlytext but a practicalguide for understandingand managingthe dynamicsof ADD in adulthood. There is a lot of availableliterature about ADD in children. Booksare filled with strategies managingthe symptomsof ADD at home and for at school. But availableinformation for managingADD in adulthood is in short supply. What do you do if you have ADD and aren't a kid anymore? How do you manageyour own disorder? This book has been written to offer someanswers thesequestions. to This book is written for ADDers by ADDers. \7e both have exrensive experiencedealing with our own disorders and those of our children. \7e have alsodealt with ADD issues our individual professions in of mental health and education.\7e have drawn on our professional experiences writing this book. But at the heart of the book are our perin sonalperspectives experiences thoseof many other ADD adults. and and



ADD is About Abilities and Disabilities and ADD Adula are Capable of Helping Themselves These are the underlying principles of this book. Having ADD means of that each of us musr deal with an assortment disabilities.But if you take off the "dis", you can discovera multitude of abilitiesaswelll We are committed to rhe belief that each of us can useour unique abilities our unique disabilities. to manage Our goal in writing this book is to educateand enlighten, and to en' an .o.rrug. each readerto assume active role in coping effectivelywith his or her disorder.\7e hope that each of you will useit not only asan but asa celebrationof differences: examinationof disabilities

ADD: A Disorder

An ADDed Dimension?


CHaprEn 1 -

Frorn Porch thePrinted the to ?age: Reader's fo A Guide Understanding Book This
Dear Reader: Plcase don't skip this section! Although it's really a preface, 'We we've written it asa separate chapter. thought that many of our readers might approacha new book the way we do-by skipping the miscellaneous pages and jumping right into the good stuff! But the information in this brief sectionis too important to gloss over.It will help answersomeof the questionsyou may have asyou go along. Over two yearsago,we sat on a porch swing and sharedour vision for this book. Our original ideastook the form of a three pageoutline which becameour frameworkthroughout the writing process. Many long daysand countlessrevisionslater, our original PorchSwlngPlanningsession evolved into the book you are about to read. During the writing process, vision changedlittle from our original our outline. The chapter you are readingnow is the only addition. \7e choseto add this section to sharewith our readers the underlying philosophythat guidedour writing and the decisionswe made r"ga.dirrg the book'sformat. In the Introduction, we explainedour goal of writing a book an ADD adult could useto understandand manageher disorder.\7e wanted this book to be practical and easyto readfor anyonewith specificreading and language deficits.To that end, we chosean informal writing style and worked hard to minimize the complexity of somerather complicatedscientific concepts.\7e also includednumerous cartoons to

You MpaNI'u Nor Lazv.Sruproon Cnazv!?

make the text more understandable. 'We would like to comment on the organizationof this book before you begin reading the three chaptersthat follow and questionwhat we just saidaboutease reading!During the editing process, agonized of we over theseearly chaptersthat aren't aseasyto read as the rest of the book. They are denselypackedwith rather technical information that is difficult to simplify. We didn't want to losereaders who might react in one or more of the following ways:1. "Have I been tricked?Is this a text book?I thought it wasgoing to be a practical,self-helpbook!" 2. "l've alreadyreadthis information in several other books."3. "How is this book going to help me if I can't understandthe first chapter?" considereda variety of options from eliminating someof the information to reorganizing format. \7e concludedthat none of the the 'S7e options would solve the problem. knew that our readers would have varying levelsof knowledgeabout ADD and that somewould need an in-depth introduction to the disorder. \7e were alsokeenly awareof the curiosityof ADDers who don't often acceptsuggestions without first asking,"But whyl" !7e decidedthat without this background information,the anecdotes and practicalsuggestions folthat lowed wouldn't make much sense. we choseto leavethe format So alone and to offer the following guidelines. If you've alreadydone extensivereadingin ADD, you might want to just browsethesechapters. you'renew to ADD, just hang in there If with the earlychapters, taking them at your own paceand allowing time to digestthe material.If you get really boredor befuddled, take a break! We promisethe going will get easier and later chapters will take a look at the lighter,more practicalsideof ADD. \7e alsowant to explain how we deal with the issue sexistlanguage of in this book. The seeming erratic useof "he" and "she" isn't an editing 'V7e choseto alternate the useof male and femalepronounsby error! chapters. you will discoverasyou readthis book, ADD isn't just a As problemfor boysand men. The assumption that the majority of ADDers are male has been challenged knowledgeabout ADD has grown. as Since this book is for all of you, men and women alike, we wanted to make the language inclusive aspossible. as So, the odd numbered 'We

A S3':?T5 R,l;'# J:Jl3"fiil? +i?,1"""

chaptersusefemalepronoun references and the even chapters,male. By the way, there is no significance,other than a flip of a coin, for beginningwith sheinsteadof he! Parallelingthis issue sexistlanguage, of we have alsotried to avoid stereotypes, including examples both men of particularly and women in non-traditionalroles.This seems appropriate, sinceADDers tend to be rather non-traditionalfolk. Finally, we want to include a word of caution. In reviewing the book, a nationally known ADD expert raisedan important issue. voiced He his concem that everyadult who read it could identify with the describedADD behaviorsand make a self-diagnosis ADD. This con. of cem is valid. In our work with classroom teachers, many report that the manifestations ADD characterize of everychild in their classrooms! 'S7e want to emphasize that ADD is a complicatedsyndromewith diversesymptoms varying degrees severity. isn't surprising of of It that educators observe ADD behaviorsin many of their students because the symptoms ADD are an exaggeration behaviorsand experiences of of that fall within the normal human range.Anyone can sometimes have lapses memory act impulsivelyor have difficulty concentrating. in The problem with ADD is one of degreeand persistence the sympof varying situations.ADDers have symptoms toms over time and across that begin in childhood and .".n" significantproblemsin school,work and relationships. Another part of the diagnosticdilemma is that variousmental health problemshave symptoms that overlapthoseof ADD. For example,pople with schizophrenia depression proor have information processing blemssimilar to ADD adultsbut often to a greaterdegree. Virtually all mental health problemsinterferewith organizationand information processing. it's not hard to imagineADD becomingthe new bandSo, 'S7e wagon everyonewants to jump on. can picture the constemation of mental health professionals confrontedwith officesfilled with people demandingtreatment for the ADD they've self-diagnosed. 'We can't emphasize enough that a diagnosisis not a do-it-yowself enterprise. personwith schizophrenia, example,might have A for attention deficitsbut her treatmentwould be radicallydifferentfrom that of an ADDer. Using stimulant medicationin her treatment

You MEaNI'v Nor Lxzy,Sruproon Cnazy!?

would likely have the effect of dramatically worseningher condition. The point is, an accuratediagnosisis an essentialcomponent of treatment. This book isn't a scholarly,diagnosticmanual. Severalexcellent books of that kind are availableand are listed in the appendix.If you're reading this book because suspect you you have ADD, follow the guidelines in Chapter 6. Develop a relationship with a professional who can provide a formal evaluation and diagnosis. Ife don't believe,however,that an official ADD diagnosisis a prerequisite for readingthis book. Individuals with orher mental health problems and thosewithout symptomssufficiently severeto be considered ADD, can benefit from someof this material. Many of the self-help strategies usefulwith or without a specificdiagnosis. example, are For a readerdoesn'thave to know why she is disorganized benefit from to someof our suggestions Chapter 13. In addition,we hope that spouses, in friends and colleagues ADDers and other adults who sffugglewith of relatedproblemswill readthis book and developgreatersensitiviryro 'We individuals with specialneeds. can all benefit from understanding how glitchesin brain processes wreakhavoc in the daily lives of can many people. Finally, we hope that you'll find this book enjoyableand informative. Ifqgr readers have half as much fun reading it aswe have had writing it, we will have accomplished mission.\7e welcomeyour comour ments,personal experiences anything elseyou would like to share or with us.

Sincerely, Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo

CuaprEn 2 -

Undersfandine The Disorder Makes Feel That Us

Lazy, Stupid Crazy Or
It's difficult to grow up with the hidden handicapof ADD. Many of us feel that we've spentour lives disappointingeveryone- parents,siblings, teachers, friendsand ourselves. When we were children, our teachers repeatedly told us we could do our work but chosenot to. Our report cardswerecontinual remindersthat we weren't very bright. Those C's,D's and F'sdidn't lie. They definedour self-perceptions kids who as were lazy.Sometimes felt smart.\7e cameup with wonderful invenwe 'We tions and imaginativepluy. often amazed ourselves, teachers our and our parentswith our wealth of knowledgeand creariveideas. We didn't want to cause trouble.We didn't start our dayswith a plan to drive everyonecrazy. didn't leaveour roomsin total chaosto make We our parentswring their handsin frustration.We didn't count the thumb tackson the bulletin boardbecause enjoyedwatching the veins pop we out of a teacher's neck when he yelled at us to get to work. tVe didn't yawn and stretch and sprawlacross desktops, just our totally exhausted, to make the other kids laugh.We didn't begfor more toys,biggerbikes or better birthday partiesbecause wanted our moms and dadsto feel we terrible for depriving us of thesethings. \7e dld thesethings because had ADD. Bur unfortunately,most of we us didn't know that. Most of our parents,siblings,teachers and friends didn't know that either. So most of us grew up with negativefeelings that developedaroundbehaviorseveryonemisunderstood. Pay attention. Sropfoolingaround.

You MraN I'r'l Nor Lazy,SruproOn Cnnzy?!

If you would jwt try, you could" it. da You'relazy. Settle down. Youcut da tt whenyou went to. Why are Jou actingthisway? You'retno smartto get srchternblegades. Why do you always mal<e things hnrdfor yowself? so Yow roomis always mess. a" You jwt haveto buckledawn. Stopbothering otherchildren. Are you tryingto driueme craTy? Why can'tJou actlil<e yow brother...sister? Why sre you so inesponsible.t Youaren'tgratefulfor anything. Have you ever heard any of thesecomments If you're a parent,have I you ever saidany of them?Our bet is that your answerto both questions is a resounding, "Yes!"



UNDPRsTRNDING rue DtsonornTuRr Mnrrs Us FEprLnzy,Sruprnon Cnnzy

It's unlikely that anyonewould tell a child in a wheelchairthat he could getr.rpand walk if he tried harder.His handicapis obviousand everyone understands limitations. Unfortunately,not many peopleunderstand his the hidden handicapof an ADD child. PR: "l have somerimes wishedthat my son had a physicalhandicap insteadof ADD. Of course,I don't really wish he had a physicaldisability. If he did, though, it would be easierto explain his llmitations to peoplewho don't understand. would be easier *e to understand It for his limitarions." For most of us the misunderstandings faulty assumptions and continued into our adolescenr years.Since we were old en'ough know better, to our behaviors weretoleratedeven less. the time we becomeadults, By many-ofus are convinced that we indeedwere-and still are-lazy, stupid or crazy.

Understanding Through Education

As we move through this book, we'll offer many suggestions strate. and giesfor dealingwith ADD. But the first and most important one is ro repeatat leastone hundredtimes: "I am not la7y,stupidor craTy!" ff you aren't convinced yet, we hope you will be by the end of this book._\7e hgne you'll be ableto formulatea new,positiveself-perceprion to replacethe old one. Reframingyour self.perceprions your firsi 1ob. is To accomplishthis, you'll need an in-depth understanding ADD. of The ADD Council of GreaterCincinnati offersa variety of services relatedto ADD issues has a missionro "FosterUnderstanding and Through Education".This is alsothe missionstatementof this book. To understandyour symproms and take appropriatestepsto gain control over them, you have to leam asmuch asyou can about yo.rr disorder. Even if you've alreadydone your homework in ADD, we encourage you to readthe following section.You may not discovernew infoimation per sebut you may discovera new frameworkfor understanding

You MrnN I'v Not LnzY,SruptoOn Cnezv?!

of specificissues ADD in adults.\7e will usethis frameworkaswe exyour workplaceand amine the dynamicsof ADD in your relationships, your home.

About Definitions, Descriptions and Diagnostic Dilemmass Is It ADD or ADHD?

(CNS) of ADD (or ADHD) is a disorder the centralnervoussystem of in by characterized disturbances the areas attention, impulsiveness and hyperactivity. that ADD is a new problem. Recent media focusgivesthe impression to Somesubscribe the theory that ADD might not be new but is being numbersof parentsto excusetheir children'smisbeusedby increasing havior. A few yearsago,one local principal concludedthat ADD was '80'sJ of Disorder the the Yuppie to would comeasa surprise Dr. G.F,Stilll a tum-of-the' This observation who worked with children in a psychiatrichospital. cenruryresearcher \7e doubt there weremany yuppiesin 1902when Still workedwith his hyperactive,impulsiveand inattentive patients.Although he usedthe label, "A Defect in Moral Control", he theorizedthat an organicprobof the lem rather rhan a behavioralone caused symptoms his patients. This wasa rather revolutionarytheory at a time when most peoplebe' misbehavior. lieved that bad mannersand improperupbringing caused supported In the first half of the twentieth century other researchers Dr. Still's rheory.They noted that variouskinds of brain damagecaused of parienrsto displaysymptoms hyperactivity,impulsivity and inatten' with brain injuries and children with damage iion. World'War I soldiers from a brain virus both had similar symptomsto children who apparently had been bom with them. The labels many labels'havebeengiven to the disorder. Over the years, at have reflectedthe stateof research the time: c Post -Encephnliti D isorder Hyperkinesis Minimal Brain Damage

UNoEnsTeNDING rHs DtsonoERTuRr MRrEs Us Fml Lnzy, Srupro oR CnRzy

Minimal Brain D ysfunction Hyperkirctic Reaction Childhood of AttentionDeficit Disorder with and without Hyperactivity The focuson structuralproblemsin the brain-holes perhaps, other or abnormalitiesdetectedthrough neurologicaltesting,persirt"d until the '60's. Then research legan to focusprimarily on the sympromof hyperactivity in childhood.In 1968,the American PsychiatriiAssociation to (4IA) responded this research revisingits diagnosticmanual by (DSM-IIX The revision includedthe new label:"Hyperkinetic Disorder of Childhood". During the '70's,research broadenedits focusbeyondhyperactiviry and concludedthat subtlecognitive disabilities memoryand attention of problemswere the coresof the disorder. Theseconclusions, ^hyp.tcoupled with the discoverythat attention problemscould exist without activity and continue beyondchildhood, requireda secondrevision of the diagnosticmanual. In 1980,the APA'srevised manual,the DSM-llla creatednew labels: "ADDH, Attention Deficit Disorderwith Hyperacriviry";"Atrenrion Deficit Disorderwithout Hyperactivity" and 'T.esidualTyp." (for those whosesymptomsconrinued into adulthood). If your son wasdiagnosed 1985with ADDH, why wasyour daughter in diagnosed 1988with ADHD? Are you confused in yet?\fell, you g,i.rsed it. The labelschanged againin 1987. A number of expertsbelievedthat hyperactiviryhad to be presentfor an ADD diagnosis. They theorizedthat the other relatedsymproms were part of a separate disorder. Revisedin 1987,, current version of the rhe {lagnostic manual,the DSM-lll-R5, reflecrsthis theory with yet other labels:"ADHD, Attention Deficit HyperacrivityDisorder"or'"LJndiffer. entiatedADD" (for thosewithout hyperactivity).And, jusr ro keep you abreast research of developments, advisedthat *oik is in progress be on the DSM IV! Is thereany reasonto rememberthe DSM label revisions? suppose We you could drop terms like the Diagnosticand StatisticalManual bi the

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friendsat your next party! American PsychiatricAssociationto impress The information would be usefulif you happento be studyingpsychology and need the information for an upcomingexam.Otherwise,the only reasonto know about the changinglabelsis that they reflect an ever' of changingunderstanding ADD. The debatewill continue about ADD issues-what is it exactly and who shouldbe includedin the diagnosticcriteria?To provide guidelines the for diagnosticians, APAs manual attemptsto label and describe different groupsinto distinct assigning variousclustersof symptoms, of categories disorders. with this attempt to The problem is that human beingsdon't cooperate behavior.Behaviorsjust won't fit into tidy little boxes.If you caregorize report or the songyou over naming your business have ever agonized jusr composed, know the limitations of a title. It's difficult to capture you of the essence somethingin a few words. In practicalterms,this meansthat relativelyfew peoplefit the classic There is alsomuch symptomoverlap betrveen difDSM diagnoses. of so ferent disorders an individual may have symptoms multiple disorders.The significancefor an ADDer is that he shouldn't expect his to symptoms be exactlylike his child's,friend'sor spouse's. we've madethe decisionto usethe genericlabel of For our purposes, ADD in this book. First, it's easierto type than ADHD! Secondand more important, the ADD label avoidsthe hyperactivity/nohyperactivity issue.

Specific Symptoms of ADD

you'll becomeawareof the imprecision As we review specificsymptoms, particularly asthey apply to ADD in of definitions and descriptions, adults.One reasonfor this imprecisionis the complex nature of the a This complexitycreates billion-piece brain and centralnervoussystem. jigsaw puzzle possible Each of us is a puzzle and symptoms. causes of piecesuniquely different from another of with an assortment puzzle ADDer. Adding to the diagnosticdilemma are the rapid behavioral difficult. that make a precisedescriptionof the disorder, changes


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Definitionsand descriptions adult ADD are alsoimprecise of because adultsdon't have ADD, right?This \.\'as prevailingrheoryunril fairthe ly recently.The focuson hyperactivitythat frequentlydecreases adoby lescence caused researchers missmany of the more subtleproblems to that persistin adulthood. Despitethe diagnosticdilemma,you need ro understandthe impact ADD symptoms have on your life. You don'r have to be aWalkingEncycbpediaof ADD , but you do need sufficientknowledgeto capitalizeon your strengthsand bypass your weaknesses. the following secrion, In we'll examinethe three major symproms ADD. In Chaprer4, we'll of take a broaderlook at an ADDer's differences rhat don't quite fit into the diagnostic criteria.

Attention spanis a concept that has recently capturedthe public imagination. There is even a tongue-in-cheek TV show,The Short Attention SpanThearcr, purportedlydesigned the easilybored. for Most peoplecharacterize attention deficit disorderasa problem of a an short attention span.Th"y think of ADDers asmental butterflies, flitting from one taskor thought to anotherbut never alighting on anything.In reality, attending is more than simply paying arrenrion.And a problem with attending is more than simply not paying artention long eno,rgh. It's more accurateto describeattentional problemsascomponentsof the process aftention. This process of includes clnosingtheright stimulus to focuson, susfdining focusover time, dividingfocus the betweenrelevant stimuli and shr/ang focusto anotherstimulus.Impairedfuncrioning can occur in any or all of theseareas attention. The result is a of failure to pay attention. \Torkaholism, single-mindedness, procrastination,boredom-these are common, and somewhatsurprisingmanifestations attentional probof lems.It might seemparadoxical that a workaholiccould have attentional problems.It might seemparadoxicalthat a high-energyadult could have trouble getting startedon his work.


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are Thesemanifestations baffling only if ADD is viewed asa short When ALL the dimensionsof attention spanor worse,an excuse. easierto understandthe diverit attention are considered, becomes of sity of the manifestations ADD. The Workaholic might have little difficulty selectingfocusor sustaining it but have greardifficulty shifting his focus.Unable to shift in attention betweenactivities,he can becomeengrossed his iob to the exclusionof everythingelsein his life. Similar behavior can be seenin the personwho has trouble sustainso ing attention. He struggles intently to shut out the world'sdistractions that he getslocked in to behavior that continueslong after it shouldstop. It's asif he wearsblindersthat prevent him from seeing anything but the task at hand. The housemight bum down and the kids might run wild but he'll banish that last dust ball from the living room! The Procrastinator has the oppositeproblem.He can't selectively about his focushis attention and might endurefrequentaccusations In laziness. truth, he'sso distractedbv stimuli that he can't figure out where or how to get started.Sounds,smells,sightsand the ranof dom wanderings his thoughtscontinually vie for his attention. most Unable to selectthe most important stimulus,he approaches

o o



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tasksin a disorganized fashion and has trouble finishing or some. times even starting,anything. If the task is uninteresting,it's even harder for him to sustainfocus. Heightenedinterestand a belief in one'sultimate success improves the quality of aftending.With an inability to maintain focus,many ADDers require intenselystimulating situationsto maintain alertness and attentiveness. \Tithout this stimulation,attention wandersand many of us are told we're unmotivated. 'We're not unmotivated!Our problems with selective attention compromiseour abilities to stayfocusedand productive.So it looksasif we don't careand won't tryl In reality,we have to exertmany times the effiortof non-ADDers to maintain adequate levelsof motivarion.

Impulsivity is a failure to stop and think. Being impulsivemeans that many of us act and react with astonishirrgspeed with little and thought about the consequences. brainsdon't control behavior Our the way they should,so we sayand do things rashly. \7hen we werechildren, we might have violated classroom rules, insultedour parentsor run into the streetwithout looking.As adults, we might blurt out confidential information or shareintimate details with relative strangers. might pull out from our driveways !7e without checking the rear view mirror or leavework two hours early to enjol a beautiful springday.Controlling impulses tough for many is ADD adults! Impulsiviry playsout in other, lessobviousways.It can affectthe qual. ity of work on the job. The ADDer often rushes through taskswith little preplanningand many careless errors.He might ger into debt with impulsebuying, discardan imporrant documenror ruin a new pieceof equipmentbecause takestoo long to readthe instructions. it "He l<nows rules but breal<s tfu themanyway ." , "Hls work is careless because won't tr\." he "He's wasting ability his ." Thesecommentsreflect a misunderstanding the impulsivewords of and actionsof ADDers. Most of us do know the rules.\il7el<nowour




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work is neaterwhen we work slowly.Wel<rnw we arecapableof more work. Knowing thesethings, however,doesn'tmean that accurate we can easilycontrol the impulsivebehaviors.Peoplewho make about us don't understandthe enormouseffort faulty assumptions in we expendkeepingour impulses check.

Hyperactivity is probablythe first symptompeoplethink of when they talk about ADD. Th.y might immediatelyconjureup an image off of an overactive child bowrcing the wallsandhangingfromtfuLight activity can be a fixnnes!\Tithout question,this random, excessive only one part of a larger primary symptomof ADD. But it describes that includesa wide rangeof behaviors. activity dysregulation Rather than moving too much, someADDers talk too much! Barely pausingfor breath, they talk so much and so fast that no one else


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has a chanceto.sayanything. The speech a driven quality to it asif has the wordshave beenbottled up for centuriesand ared"rp"r"t" ro get our! PR: "At a recent conference, congratulated I myselffor sticking to my schedule. Just in time for our break,i sharedsomeinformation about own symptoms. commentedthat, unlike my son,I wasn'tparticularly I -mY hyperactive. A memberof my audiencestoppedme ar the coffeepot and sharedher observations my-presentationityle. of she said,'you might not be hvp"" active' but do you know how fastyou talk?I have atten?edlots of *orkshops, havenever leamedthe quantiryof information I just leamed! but And one more.thing. Do you know how many times you took the top gf yo-ur At n9n 9ff and put it back-onagain?' the end of the workrhoi,' she thanked me profuselyfor the wealth of material I had shared,o f guess didn't overwhelmher too much with my non-hyperactivity!" I This anecdote two messages. has First,we can never stop leaming about our behavioreven when we think we have a goodhandie on it. Se.o.,d, it points out that hyperactivitycan manifestitself in more subtleways than physicalover-acrivity. Thesesubtlebehaviorsreflect generalized restlessness impaand _the tie-nce many of us experience. might have leamedto stop bouncing \7eoff the walls and on the fumiture but we might still feel u..omfortable" when we have to sit still. So we fidget, t"p o,lt fingersor twirl our hair. Relaxing can be impossible we might take o. *-.rous hobbies, so work secondjobs or run in marathonson the weekend. There is a final thing we shouldmention. Hyperactivity can be either a deficit or an asset, dependingon the quality of the behavior.If the activity is purposeful, hyperactivitycan help us ger more accomplished. Someresearchers have studiedhyperactiveindividualswho don'r have any of the other symptoms ADD. Thesefolk are exrremelvactive of but don't seem have problems to with attention,mood swings any of or the other roadblocks that interferewith productivity.The issuJfor hypen active ADD adultsis that much of their activiry is dysregulated, ,".rio* and unproductive. $

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But. . .Why??
ADDers are curiousfolk. Th"y are rarely able to let anything go by without asking,"But, why?"You may be askingthis questionabout your "l symptomJ. u- inattentive, impulsiveand hyperactive-but why do I have this baffling disorderl"If we could give you a tidy answerto your Since no one knows would herald our discovery. question,,erearchers ADD, the bestwe can do is examinepossibilities. for r.rr" what causes of To get started,you'll need a crashcoursein the I'letnoLogy theBrain closethe book yet! \7e promise Don't System. and,theCenualNerq/ous ADD But as to makethis aspainless possible. it's difficult to understand without knowing someof rhe "whys" of the disorder.Why is your ADD seemto changeso \Uhy do your symptoms different from each of ours? causelittle or no problem? sometimes much?Why do your symptoms that this disorderis \Tithout somebasicknowledge,it's easyto assume your fault. So,here goes.

Research Tools
focused has As knowledgeabout ADD hasgrown, research increasingly are on rhe possibiliryrhat the ADD brain and centralnervoussystem Testingsomeof the theoriesis tricky be' somehow wireddifferently. can't open up an ADDer's skull to studyhis brain! researchers cause to Even if they could, it would be nearly impossible isolateand examine particular chemical or a specificportion of the brain. The human a brain is simply too complex and has many interrelatedparts. imagingdevicq to scanthe are Instead,scientists usingsophisticated one promisingtechniquethat maylrovide inforbrain. Brain Imaglngis about th" cutnesand treatment of ADD. You are undoubtedly marion familiar with the X-ray and CAT scanthat provide picturesof structuresinsidethe human body.Another imagingtechniqueis nuclear imag' (NMR.), alsoknown asmagneticresonance magneticresonance, (MRI).Thesetechniques magneticfieldsto obtain clearerpicuse ing t,ri"r than thoseof a CAf scan.All thesemethods,however,have limitations. They show the structureor shapeof the brain but don't tell us much about hoq,the brain works. to alsousedrug responses indirectly studybrain activity.Th.y Scientists in the know that certain drugsincrease quantity of neurotransmitters


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the brain. A positive drug response suggesrs insufficiencyof the an neurochemicalaffectedby the particulardrug. How doesthis fit into the theoriesabout the possible causes ADD? of Lett take that crashcoursein Neurologyto glt better understanding " of the "why's" of your disorder.

The Basics of Neurology

(CNS) funcThe brain and other partsof the central nervoussysrem tion asa wonderfuland intricate CommsrdCentpr, This commandcenter coordinates systems the human body through a messenger all of system. It sends messages receives and thosesent from variouspartsof the body and from the outsideworld. It alsoregulates controlsbehavior. and The messenger system the CNS consists millions of nerve cells. of of These are cell bodieswith long, thin projectionscalled axonsanddendrites. Impulses carriedalong the length of a nerve cell and jump from are one cell to anotherin much the same wayelectricitytravelstbrougha wire.

"The Brain's Postal S"ystem"


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in.the nerve cell'sdendrite.The are Messages first receivedby receptors in the form of an electrical impulse,travelsfrom the dendrite ;;d. throuih the cell body and the axon. At the end of the axon is a syn' message The eiectricalimpulse,.or I apse, g"p betweenthe nervecel1s. calle messengers d newo' by the is[.i"d across synapse chemical the across gapfrom one ian ^itters. Thesechemi."li carry the message cell'saxon to another'sdendrite. Endorphins you might be familiar with someof theseneurotransmitters. that act asthe body'sown ar" th"lain relieving neurotransmitters causes morphine.An outpouringof endorphinsduring vigorousexercise protectshis body-from "liigh". This increase the marathon r,rni-rer's and;oints-an athlete is often un' f."n"g the pain of stressedhuscles better known asadrenaninjury until he rests.Epineplvine, This "*".if is rhe neurorransmitter that mobiliresthe reaction to danger. alin, The the fghr or fhghtresponse. heart beatsrapldlVand the breath".ti,r"t", wider so one can either run or fight an enemy. b".ome ing passag"t That wasn'ttoo bad,wasit? Now let'susethis informationaswe consider from research' sometheoriesthat have emerged

Current Theories About the Key Players in ADD

that there Since the Command Center is so complex,it isn't surprising Although there isn't of are conflicting theoriesabout the causes ADD. is agreethat this interrelatedsystem dysreg' ,nurryresearchers consensur, someof the examines The following discussion ulated in somefurhiorr. of as theoriesabout this dysregulation well asan assortment other proposedtheories. Neurotransmitters to research conclude have usedindirect d*g response Someresearchers may play dopamine that an insufficient quantity of the neurotransmitter of ADD a role in ADD. Since stimulant drugsusedin the treatment dopaminelevels,an insufficient level of this chemicalmight increase be a part of ADD. Frontal Lobes have Researchersu found reducedblood flow in the frontal lobe areaof of ADD adults (Seedrawing).They have been able to obthe brains the brain in action through a combination of scanningdevices __s_e_rve


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RErrc u u/tG{ AcrrrzATl G N


"The Commurtication Feedback Laop: The Reticular Activating Systemand the Frontal Lobes" and radioactivetracers. Areaswith high levelsof the radioactivesubstancehave the greatest blood flow. Since blood flow is an indicator of brain activity or work, a reducedflow in the frontal lobessuggesrs loweredactivity in this area. The frontal lobesarecritical to many of the brain'sexecurivefunctions. Thesefunctions include planning, initiative and the abiliry ro regulate behavior.It makessense that they might, therefore, play a signifiiant role in ADD. Actual frontal lobe brain damage causes impulsiviry,mood swings disinhibitedbehaviorand sometimes hlperactiviry.Thesesymproms resemble thoseof ADD but aremoresevere. Reticular Activating System The reticular activating system in the brain stem.It's the seatof arousal is in the human brain and regulates stateof alertness the from deepsleepto full, wakingcornciousness. Sincealermess a big problemfor an ADDeris he hastrouble staylngawakeand payingarrention-an impairmenrin this system might cause somesymproms the disorder. of


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and the frontal lobes The functions of the reticular activating system . some expertsbelieve that the lno1 interact asa conLmwicanon feedback in along this loop, perhapsasa shorc problemsof ADD lie somewhere the wiring.T and This intriguing theory might explain the inconsistentperformance of erraricsymproms ADD. Similar to a looseelectricalwire, a short in functioning. Somedysregulated the loop of the brain'swiring could cause it and sometimes doesn't. times it works Primary Sleep Disorder theorizethat the core problem in ADD isn't excess Someresearchers In but rather,underarousal.u other words,peoplewith ADD acdviry that a high achypothesize aren'rfully awakeand alert. Thesescientists tivity level might be in part an effort to stayawake.Sleepdisturbances are fairly common in ADDers. Many experienceirregularpattems of Others sleepso deeplythat arousalis and sleeplessness reawakening. difficult. to into sleepingand waking pattems suggests someinvestigaResearch In from a primary sleepdisorder. other words, thar the disorderarises rors problems result,hasarousal poorly and asa the personwith ADD sleeps indicatesthat deepdreamstates during the day.Other recent research to to arenecessary anchor leaming in memory.This suggests us that leaming problemsbecause associated adult may demonstrate someADD interferewith this deepdreamstate. their sleepirregularities Parenting or Heredity? questions about ADD but we know that There are many unanswered it's in many,if not most cases, an inherited trait. Children with ADD are likely to have ADD parentsor closerelatives.This might not come if asa surprise you are the ADD parent of an ADD child. pass on Not all family traits resultfrom genetic inheritance.Parents and their childto characreristics their children through their behaviors rearingsryles-children imitate their parentsand tend to adopt their and soundslike a taped values.When your son talks to his playmates recordingof your voice with preciselyduplicatedwords,inflections and pauses, know the power of modeledbehavior. you


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The questionof nature versus nurture has alwaysbeen tricky. Do we inherit our behavioralcharacteristics do we leam them? or PR: "'W'henI wasin collegein the late '60's,the theme of respecting individual differences wasan integral part of my "methods"courses. I wastaught that behaviorand leaming problemsresultedin largepart 'Was from emotional and environmental factors. there a new babv in the home, a death in the family or a divorcel The underlyingphilosophyof my training wasthat nurture, or environment wasthe primary determinerof behavior.During my four yearsof educationcourses, don't ever remember I hearingthat nature,or inbom genetics playedany role at all in leamingproblems." Theory of Blame This theory holds that the only reasonable explanationfor misbehavior or leaming problemsis that someone, usuallya parent, is doing something wrong. If you are a parent,you'reprobablywell acquaintedwith child-rearingexperts believe in this theory.Thesefolk are the friends, who family and teachers who eagerlyoffer unwantedcommentsand advice about the correct method for raisingyour children: "He woul.d neverbehaue that in my house." like "You. too toughon him." ere "YoLr aren'ttough enough onhim." " ALIhe needs grandma's is spatulaon lusbottom." Many of us do our own shareof blaming, especially beforewe leam about our disorder.Unaware of the underlyingADD, we often grow up blaming our problemson our upbringing and believing that everything wrong in our lives is caused our dysfunctionalfamilies.Our analysis by focuses on the impact of environment,minimizing or excludingconsideration of a neurological make-up. This rather limited view of human behaviormay be fosteredby the value \Testem culture placeson self-determination.'!7e preferto feel that we have control over eventsand can shapedestinyby our actions. It's unnerving to think that our childrert comeas theyare and that we have somewhatlimited influenceon their behavior.


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adoption studiesn Although the jury may be out foreveron this issue, indicate that heredity has a strongerinfluence on ADD than environof that areunclear,a high percentage adoptedchilment. For reasons parentshave a low incidence dren haveADD even though their adoptive has of the disorder. When research studiedthe birth parentsand families of theseadoptedADD children, it hasfound a high incidenceof ADD. Thesefindings point to a geneticbasisfor the syndrome. Many other studiessupportthe theory of a strongheredity component. A University of Minnesotastudypublishedin 1988examinedthe were identical twins who The subjects effectof genes personality. on at had been separated birth and rearedapart.The studyfound that the for twins sharedcharacteristics such asa preference cold coffeeand wearingthree rings on one hand and four on the other.l.The research findings raisedcritical questions about environment asthe primary influenceon personalirydevelopment. or has Relatedresearch focusedon inbom personalitycharacteristics, The New York Longitudinal Study" followed a large temperament. groupof children frorn birth until late adolescence. Three groupsof from the research: different temperamental stylesemerged

Easy Children
well adapt to routines adjust quickly fairly to change mild show to moderate levels intensity of for cryonly specific needs: hunger, wet diaper, etc. positive display moods reactions and

Slow,to,Warm, up Children
with to adjust difficulty new situations from withdraw new expeflences quietly withdraw from change well adjust eventually

Difficult Children
irregular have eating patterns andsleeping poor display adaptability respond with high intensity 0verreact t0 sensory stimulation generally have negative moods levels have activity high


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As infants and young children, ADDers often fall into the categoryof with difficult children. In one group of young children later diagnosed of had symptoms their disorder ADD,t' asmany as 70olo demonstrated by agetwo or earlier. Although not all difficult children have ADD, their irregularpattems of the of reacting,eating,and sleepingresemble symptoms ADD. Some expertsconsiderADD an extremein the rangeof normal temperamental differences. s{le that This research emphasizes a child is bom with a temperamental that remainsremarkablystableover time. Although a parent can influa ence the developmentof his child, he can't cause difficult disposition. Pregnancy and Childbirth Complications No one is sureabout the relationshipbetweenbirth complications,prethere is evidence of natal factorsand ADD. In a smallpercentage cases, the that pre andpostbirth problemsincrease infant'srisk of developing symptoms ADD. The risk factorsinclude poor matemal health, maof or temal ageof twenty or less,long labor,fetal distress post-maturity. Most peoplewith ADD don't have a history of theserisk factors.Conversely, most children with historiesof prenataland childbirth complihowever,that early damage cationsdon't developADD. It doesappear, percentage ADDers. of to the CNS is a factor in a small Environmental Toxins in There is ongoing debateabout an increase the numbersof children with ADD. Since definitions of ADD have changed newly diagnosed over time, particularlyregardinghyperactivity,it's difficult to analyze but Somearguethat the incidencehasn't increased that this increase. diagnosticmethodshave identified children with more subtle improved forms of the disorder. that environmentaltoxins play a role. It is undoubtedly Othersspeculate are true rhar environmentalhazards threateningour health. One third of of children with lead poisoninghave symptoms ADD. The role of ADD is a big questionmark. or other pollutants in causing exacerbating to that they might play a part asother substances k's reasonable suspect damage. do, in variouspattemsof neurological


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Food Dyes, Additives and Sugar Have you seenthe cartoon illustrating a mother in the grocerystore with her hyperactivechild?\XAile he runs up and down the aisles, she "This cerealwill take the hyperreadsthe label on a box that promises: activity right out of them!" If only it weretrue. For years, number of parentsand professionals a have sworn by the Theoryof FoodDyes,Addinues andSugarasthe cause ADD. Dr. Benof jamin Feingold,"a pediatricianand allergist, developed special a diet to eliminate food additivesand salicylates. The diet doesseemto relieve the symptoms about 5o/o ADD children. Dr. Lendon Smithtaholds in of that the primary culprit in ADD is the consumptionof a largequantity of refined sugar. testedwith little corroborationof The,.etheorieshave been repeatedly proponents'findings.Someparentsare convinced that sugarin their particular,makestheir children hyperactive.Scientific studiesaside,if a particularfood or additive seems contribute to symptoms, makes to it to sense eliminate it from the diet. There may be a subgroup ADDers of who aresensitiveto somefood substances. Information Explosion Somebelievethat "psychological hazards" our increasingly of complex contribute to the higher incidenceof ADD. In his book Fuune society Shoclc, Alan Toffler'5predictedthat dire psychological consequences would resultfrom the rapid changes modem society. in The Theoryof InformanonExplo.sion validity. Many people regarded has asentirely normalin a simplersociety,could becomeoverwhelmedby the demands a fast-paced, of complex one. This doesn'tmean that the psychological hazards cause ADD. It doesseemlogical,however,that they could make the symptoms more noticeableand disabling. Just a Bad Apple \7e doubt that anyoneis doing research this popular,unscientific on goeslike this: The enaticbehnq)ior '\DD children adulx is theory! It of and intenti onal,mnliciouslyplanne misb d ehavi or, This variation on the theme of the Theoryof Blameis basedon the assumption that an ADDer can control his behaviorbut chooses not


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to. Of course,thesetheoristsdon't have ADD and don't have a clue what it's like to live with the disorder.

\ . 4


: -

As an ADD adult, you didn't askto be bom this way but you do need to work hard to shoot holes in this theory.Using your disorderasan for behaviordoesn'thelp your personalgrowth and excuse irresponsible gives the BadAppl" theoristsammunition. A11of us need to develop to strategies manageour symptoms-but we need to do it with selfEverypersonwith a disability has to make and forgiveness. acceptance the best of the cardshe'sbeen dealt.

How Common is ADD?

How many of us arethere?Is ADD common?We have to say,somewhat that we don't have the answerto thesequestions!But apologetically, here are some guesstimates.


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The prevalence literature vary widely figuresreportedin professional from 1olo Z0o/o the population. Studiesthat include individuals to of prevalencefigure.The estimateacwithout hyperactivirycite a Z0o/o (in ceptedmany professionals a conservative our opinion) 3-5o/o. is Your question,"But why?"may be on the tip of your tongue.!7hy is there so little consensus? First, there is a lack of agreement about symptorns. Someresearch studies include individualswithout hyperactivityand somedon't. Second,most research focusedon children and hasn't included adolescent has and adult subjects. The lack of consensus about diagnosticcriteria and a somewhatlimited number of studieswith ADD adultshas resultedin statisticsthat vary from studyto study.

Am I Still ADD After All These Years?

\X/hile the expertsexaminedefinitions, statisticsand the existenceof ADD in adults,many of us are too busydealingwith our disorderto debatetheseissues. know, or at leaststronglysuspect, We that we are SrilJ ADD After AILTheseYears. And we're strugglingdaily with the realiry of this disorderin our lives.\Ue've been trying to tell everybody with our wordsand behaviorsthat we haven't maturedout of this "childhood disorder". Until fairly recently, one waslistening. no The nature of our hidden handicapand our ability to manage sympour tomshave fooled scientists into thinking ADD is just for kids. As children we may have worn ow '\DD on oLLr sleeues we bounced off walls as and destroyed everything in sight. By the time we becomeadults,however,most of us have leamedto channel someof the energyinto more sociallyacceptedactivities.Neurologicalchanges might alsocontribute to someof theseadaptivebehaviors.The result is adultswho still have ADD but who have leamed to hide or redirect their more obvious symptoms. KK: "My experience has heightenedmy awareness about the prevalence of ADD in adults.Three yearsago I beganteachingin a small liberal arts college.A year into my teaching,I discovered that I had ADD and beganeducatingmyselfabout the disorderin adults.


ruE Llzv,Srupto on Cnazv UNoERsTRNDING DrsoRognTHRI Mnrrs Us FeEr-

I lUith this new understanding, becameacutelyawareof studentsin my classes who were like me. The first thing I noticed wasthe fidgetiness. hyperactivebut continually jiggled Thesestudentswerenot classically their feet, tappedtheir pencilsor doodled.After the first of two lecture hours, they would begin to sigh impatiently. I madethe startling observationthat I could identifu problemsof attention and organizationin studentssolelyon the basisof their activity continually often the brightestin my classes, levels.Thesestudents, blank looks of coninterrupted to askwhat I had just saidor registered fusion. Somehad difficulty with written work, their brainsgoing so fast they skippedover transitional ideasor left out important details.Th"y alsotended to blurt out irrelevant comments.Many had leamedto in quite well but becamedisorganized novel and stressful compensate situationssuch asthe start of new nursingclinical rotations. who arejust beginning adult life should take heart from Youngreaders my experiences. Many of my students wereexcellentleamersand workerswith positivequalitiesof extra energyand fresh,creativeapproaches. Th"y are representative many adultswho copesuccessfully of with ADD. I have little doubt that severalof them will have distinguished careers. My experience with nursingstudentsbringsme to another point. With one exception,the women I identified with probableaftention deficits hadn't been diagnosed children. This is common for many adults, as particularly women. Little girls with ADD tend to be lessphysically hyperactiveand aggressive than ADD boys.Th"y may receivelesspunishment and disapproval but than their male counterparts often become lost in the shufrle.Their symptoms so subtlethat no one identifies are their problems."

ADD is a Childhood Disorder that Occurs Primarily in Boys

'We hate to break this news to the old-schoo| thought of experts,but authors Kelly and Ramundoare ADDers who are neither boysnor children! The assumption that many more boysthan girls have ADD, is being challengedasincreasing numbersof adult women are newly diagnosed.


You MraN I'v Nor Lezy,SruproOn Cnazy?!

Historically,six times more boysthan girls have been diagnosed with the disorder.The ratio is closerro one:one if ADD without hyperactivity is included.t6 Thesestatisticssuggest that the leaming and adjust. ment problemsof many ADD girls are too subtleto be identified. This apparentunder-identificationof girls and non-hyperactiveboysis a problem.Thesechildren-and adults-have specialneedsthat serious are too often overlooked. 'We have consideredseveralquestionsthat don't have easyanswers. Although most of us are uncomfortablewith ambiguity,we need to focusour attention on other issues that do have answers. "How hasthisdisorder an irnpact mJ life?" had on "How do ^y differences out in my dnily Life?" play "How canI lwlp myselfl" In the next three chapters, we'll look at the impact ADD has at various stages life and at the wayseach of us is uniquely differenr from our of non-ADD peers.!7e'11 devotethe remainderof the book to rhe third questionand sharelots of suggestions managingsymproms for and discoveringyour ADDed Dimension.


CHaprEn 3

Thelrnpacf of Growing witheDD Up

R"*"-ber the Theory of Blame?Blame often fuels a deadlycycle of disapproval. Considerthe following scene. Youare in the grocerJ storeuying to shopwith your child" is tosslng who oranges dcross produce the aisleand pulling rhings the shelq,tes. are off You keenlyawareof the disapproving glares other shoppers of and"hear seueral muttered,"I would" never all.ow child to act Lil<e. my tlwt!" In response the to disapproval JoLLr growing and frustration, Jou angrilygab Jour childand, teIIhersheis an embarrassment you've justabouthad" with her and it obnoxious behauior. Sheresponds eitherby throwingan orange Jou or at writhingin a ternper tantrLun thefloor. on Many of us have countless childhood memories similar scenes.We of werereactingpredictablyto the ADD wiring in our brainswhile our parentswere trying to do the best they could in a tough situation. Thesenegativecyclesof interactionsand reactionsresult from blame. Teachers an underachieving of studentblamethe parentsfor not properly supportingthe child's leaming. The parentsblame the teachers their for incompetence. And everyone blamesthe child. Thesenegativeinterpersonalcyclesbegin early in an ADD child's life and impact in a varieryof wayson her subsequent development. ADD adultshave to copenot only with individual symptoms also but with the negativereactions others.It hasbeensaidthat personality of develops around the ADD handicap-the way each of us dealswith our abilitiesand disabilitiesis affected our life experiences. by


You MraN I'u Nor Lazy,SruproOn Cnazy?!

To examineADD's impact at different ages and stages life, we'll borof row psychologist Eric Erikson'st? Dr. frameworkof psychosocial development. The backdropwill be the Cycle of Blame and Disapproval that makesgrowing up with ADD so difficult.

Developmental Ages and Stages and the Cycle of Disapproval

Infancy-Thrst vs. Mistmst This first stagelastsroughly through the first year of life. The infant's world is filled primarily with sensory experiences. Especially the early in months, shehas little control over her world and relieson caregivers fo1h9r safetyand security. many babiesand their familier, th. stage For of infancy meansfrequentdiapering,soothing,dressing, 3:00 a.m. feedingsand fatigue.But parenrand babydevelopa happycoexisrence. can play out quite differently in the houseThe ADD Infant: This stage hold of an ADD baby.Many of our owrr mothersmight still talk rwenty or thirty yearslater about how difficult we werebeforewe wereboml Even in utero, someADD babiescontinually kick their morhers,allowing them little sleep. Somemothersof ADDers speak ruefullyof the pregnancy asa training period for the lifetime ro come! Sleepless nights and harried daysbecomea way of life asthe parenr copeswith irregulareating and sleeping patterns.Her infant tendsto be over active, cranky,easilystimulatedand loud! Her attemprsro calm and comfort her babyarefrequentlyunsuccessful. fact, holding In her screaming daughterseems make things worse.It isn't uncomto mon for this mother to saylarer that her baby"jusr didn't like her". Difficult infants are uncomfortableand unlwppy.Their parenrsfeel a mixture of anger,disappointmentand self-blame their own apparenr at incompetence.During rheseearly months, the dynamicsof ADD already begin to have a negativeimpact on family relationships. Toddler Years-Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt From about 12 months to 3 W- yearcold,the toddler develops waysof acting on and reactingto her world. This is a time for gaining self-con. trol and a sense pride asshebeginsto make choices. of


THeIupncr Or GnowrNcUp Wrru ADD

During this time, shedevelopslanguage skills and struggles separafor tion from her caretakers. masters word "NO!" and acquiies She the the behaviorsshe'll need for admissioninto the elite Tenibl^e club. Z's She'sno longer totally dependenron others and beginsto jockey for power in the family unit. This_frstadalescerrce the powerstruggles and that ensueareremarkably similar to the one that followsabout ten or twelve yearslaterl Parents cling with desperate hope to the folk wisdomabout the Terrible 2'snot lasting forever.For many,this is a difficult period. It requiresenormous patience as they attempt to guide their children'seffor$ towardsindependence without beingover-controlling protective. or The ADD Tbddler:The battle of wills betweenthe ADD child and her family really heatsup during this stage. Tempersflare as rhe child's negativepersistence poor adaptabilityclashes and with parentalattemptsto contain the out-of-controlbehaviors. Even the most consistent, conscientious parent can becomedisheartened her child'sseemat ing unwillingness follow rules. to Once mobile, the ADD toddler may be somewhat lessfussyasshediscoversthe excitement of new worlds to conquer.This is often a mixed blessingfor her parentswho are led on a merry chase "My child never ! walked,shealways ran," is a common refrain.The ADD toddler also rolls, climbs,jumps and swings herselfinto situationsthat strike teffor in her parent's heart. Hyperactive,impulsivetoddlersand preschoolers are more likely to have accidents and accidentalpoisonings than nonADDers. PR: "l have a vaguememoryfrom when I was 18 months old, of a room with yellow tile and a red lollipop in the corner of my mourh. That's all I rememberabout that early emergency room visit that ended with five stitchesin my rongue. But I vividly recall an accidentseveral yearslater that wasbut one in a long string of injuries. As I crashedthrough my neighbor'swhite picket fence,I clearlyremember yelling, "oh, oo, not more stitches!" And I alsoremembermy morher looking ar my bloody eye and saying, "Not again!"


You MenNI'v Nor Lnzy.SruproOn Cnnzy?!

KK: "One of my more memorableemergency room visits resulted from plugginga barbecue fork into an electrical outlet. The experience made a lasting impression. this day,I have a fear of plugging To in anything electrical! I have been told that when my mother wasfeeling particularly desperate, shewould tie me to a tree in the yard so I wouldn't hurt myselfor


someoneelse.\Uhen I first heard this story I washorrified! After I becamea parent myself,I could empathizewith the frustration my mother must have felt. And I only have one child-I can hardly imagine how my pregnantmother managed all, with her 1 year old daughter at and veryhyperact 2 yearoldl" we SomeADDers are rather calm and placid asinfants and toddlersonly to wakeup later aspreschoolers. homesof thesetoddlersmight not be The


THEIupncr Or GnowrNcUp tJilrruADD

battle zonesbut can bear a striking resemblance designated to disaster areasafter a major storm! Debris from toys and belongingsare often strewnall over the houseby the distractibletoddler assheflits from one activity to another. The ADD child's lack of control getsin the way of her establishinga healthy sense independence of and creates serious feelingsof inad"q.racy in her parents.Misunderstandings frequently erupt betweenthe parentsof this child, particularly if one parent isn't working outside the home. just a few hours with the child in The working parent usuallyspends the early evening.This parent can be unsympatheticro rhe complaints of the exhaustedspouse who spent all day with the difficult toddler. One stay-at-homemother reportedthat the best thing that ever happenedwasher husband's losing his 1ob.After about three weeksat home with his ADD toddler, he profuselyapologized his for earlier,unfair assessment his wife'sparentingskillsl of Preschool-Initiative vs. Guilt The preschoolchild leams to make increasinglypurposefuldecisions and behavioralchoicesduring this stagein her development. She has mastered her autonomy,has a clear sense herselfasseparate of from others and beginsto developfeelingsof empathy.Through daily trial and error, she gainsan awareness her position in the schemeof of things and assumes someresponsibility her behavior. for The ADD Preschooler: this point in an ADD child's life, the parBy ent knows that the folk wisdom isn't true. The Terrible 2'sshould be over by now but her child is aswillful and difficult asever.The power struggles that have been raging for a while, escalate. The parenr often feelsthat she is fighting a losing battle againsther child's inabiliry ro plan and acceptlimits. She worriesthat while other children are coloring, building with blocksand developingfriendships, daughteris her wanderingaround aimlessly. Somepreschoolers continue to have irregulareating and sleeping pattems and resistall attemptsat toilet training. Motor clumsiness alsobecan comemore apparentasthe older preschooler undertakes complex the


You MEnNI'v Nor Lazy.SrupinOn Cnazy?!

tasksof dressing and tying shoes, cutting, coloring and writing. The preschool teacheris usuallythe first personto describe ADD the child asimmature.It's a word that her parentswill probablyhear for yearsto come! In a preschool setting,the age-inappropriatenessthe of child'sbehavioris particularlynoticeable.Thntrumsthat werenormal during the Terrible 2'sare an embarrassment 3 or 4 yearsold. at Interestingly,many immatureADD children who often have difficulty with change,don't seemto sufferfrom the separation anxiety characteristic of their age-mates. The early,fierce independence seems to smooth the ffansition from home to preschool. PR: "l countedthe daysuntil my youngson would start nurseryschool. While my friendssharedtheir anxietiesabout leavingtheir children, I could hardlycontain my joy at the prospect! \7ith my son in tow, I hunied pastseveraltearful mothersasupsetas their children wereaboutthe impendingseparation. must admit that I I wasn'tprepared my feelings for when Jeremy into his new classroom, ran never even tuming aroundat the door to saygoodbye I wonderedwhy ! he wasn'tjust a little sadaboutleavingme. I didn't feel any better when I returnedto pick him up. After dodging preschoolers leapingjoyfully into their mothers' arms,I greeted son my who lookedat me and said,"l don't want to leave." Many parentsbegin their searchfor answers the riddle of their ADD to child during the preschoolyears. On the adviceof the preschoolteacher, a parent decides find out why her daughterdoesn'tlisten and to follow directions.The fact-findingmissionto the audiologist usually is unproductive.The evaluationrarelyyieldsany information about a specific\earing loss. This trip to the audiologist often overlaps multiple visits to the pediatrician for recurringboutsof otitis media (middle ear infections).The temporaryhearinglossthat accompanies theseear infectionsconffibutesto the ADD child'sdifficultiesin listeningand following directions in preschool. Developmental lagsin speech language or can also


Tur Ivpncr Or GnowrNcUp Wrru ADD

occur if the infections becomechronic. The parent might find herself visiting the audiologistagainfor her child's language therapy and ear tubesto prevent additional infections. Not only is there a strongcorrelationbetweenADD and middle ear infections,there is alsoa high incidenceof allergies, asthmaand other problems.The respiratory familiesof ADD preschoolers often spend hours in physicians' waiting rooms! The preschoolyearsaren't necessarily easyonesfor ADD children but are in general,lessproblematicthan the schoolyearsthat follow. The placedon young children take into accountthe wide difdemands ferences betweenindividual children of the sameage.Preschoolteachers expectchildren to be at differentstages social,emotionaland academic of development.Freedomof choice is built in to the structureof early childhood education. Expectations changedramaticallyasthesechildren move into elementary school.As an ADD child makesthe transition to the next stage, she encountersincreasingpressure competeand perform sociallyand to academically. Elementary School-Industry vs. Inferiority The elementary schoolyearsare critical onesasthe developingchild beginsthe process acquiringthe skills sheneedsto take her place in of society.Children who are for whatever reason,unable to masterthe requiredskills, often develop a sense inferiority. This is when the of proverbialyouknow whathits the fan for many children with attention deficits. The School-AgedADD Child: The philosophyof earlyeducationis to teach children generalskills through exposure varied experiences. to \Tithin the preschoolenvironment,the ADD preschooler's deficitsmay be relativelyhidden or ascribed immaturity. to In elementaryschool,however,the ruleschange.Suddenly,the curious preschoolerbecomes studenr. a She is expectedto learn specific skills and demonstrate knowledge in measurable her ways,ie. tests.The grades marked on her papersand report cardsreflecthow shemeasures


You MenNI'ruNor Lxzy. SruproOn Cnnzy?!

up to classmates. Thesemeasurements include specificsubjectsaswell aseffort and conduct. As demandsfor perforrnanceand comparisonsto peersincrease, becomes risk for failure and subsequent of she at loss selfesteem. Many ADD children have trouble leaming in traditional classrooms whereteachers talk and studentlisten. The overuse written testsand of one word answers measures leaming addsto their problems. as of Th.y often find it difficult to measwe up.


THr Iupncr Or GnowrNcUp lhrH ADD

Strong verbal skills can help an ADD studentfill in the gapsof the in. formation she misses. the other hand, she might sufferprecisely On because can get by. As she movesup through the gradelevels,she she may begin to fail. The complexity of details and demandsfor instant memory recall tax her fragile skills. "Help" often comesin the form of lecturesabout her lack of effort. As the quantity of requiredwritten work exceeds abiliry to produce,she is accused carelessness, her of poor motivation and irresponsibility. This litany is a constanttheme in the lives of ADD schoolchildrenwhose qualiry of work variesfrom day to day.Information that seems clear on Monday is suddenlyincomprehensible Tuesday. on Teachers often misunderstandthe confusionthesechildren feel and comment that they aretoo smartto be acting sodumb.This often leadsto the label of "underachiever". A child with lessability often escapes criticism that plaguesthe the underachieverbut she may be written off and missthe opportunity to reachher potential. Faulty assumptions relegare rhis ADD child ro rhe lowest readingand math groupswhere she is never expectedto accomplish very much. An impulsiveADD child often spends much time in the hall or as principal'soffice asshe doesin her classroom! The frustratedteacher sometimes suggests the disruptivestudentbe evaluatedbVthe school that psychologist. testingrarelyuncovers attention deficits. More often The the than not, the child receives placementin a specialclass the emoa for tionally or behaviorallydisturbed. In socialsituations, impulsiveand hyperactive children arecharacterized asbullies and the non-hyperactive,reserved children asweird, flaky or nerdy.Although many ADD children experiencesocialproblems, the "bullies" seemto have somewhatlesstrouble than their "weird" counterparts. Peers often admire or at leasttolerate rowdinessmore than they do eccentricity.The impaired socialskills of non-hyperactive ADD children (who are often girls) resultsin lonely isolation. Ostracized classmates, may spendtheir recess by they times playing alone. Parentsoften saytheir greatest concem is their daughter's lack of friends.


You MEaNI'v Nor Lazv.SruptoOn Cnazv?!

The drive to be competent in the school yearsincludesa keen interest activities.Even if an ADD child fails in excellingat extra-curricular field can on or her academically, physicalprowess the soccer baseball provide an opportunity for success acceptance. the other hand, On and in if an ADD child makeshumiliating mistakes kickball and on the of math test,shefacesa double-whammy failure.Her peersmay ridicule her in classand reject her everytime they chooseplayersfor their teams-and chooseher last. Relationshipson the home front can also be shaky.Often the ADD child falls apart when she comeshome from school. After hours of working hard just to tread water,her tired brain givesout. \il/ith anticfor might start searching ipation of her arrival,her parent or babysitter inner strength.The chancesare good that the child will walk through the door with a displayof her worst behavior. it The behaviorseems reflecta feelingof: I can'tl<eeDup anJ more... to justhaveto beme. The ensuingbattles over now that I'm safeat home,I Momings choresand homeworkundermineparent-childrelationships. of the can be just asdifficult asthe ADD child anticipates stresses the procrastinationdrive her harried,latecoming day.The dawdling and ! for-work-parents, crazy opThe elementaryschoolyearscan be very difficult. There are endless portunities for humiliation at home, school and in the neighborhood. often getsits start in The I dan'tcareattttudeperfected adolescence, by childhood. The youngADD child startsconstructinga shieldto protect herselffrom embarrassment. The picture isn't totally glnonry,huueuer. Although the teachermight not appreciate ADD child's improbabletalesor detaileddrawings the of monsters, classmates often do. They know that a greatimagination comesin handy at recess. Her creativity and imaginationcan be valuableassets. shedevelops If adequate socialskills,shecan becomea leaderwhen the group discovers that her ideasare interestingand fun. Thankfully, there are many creative,outstandingteacherswho appreciate and respectthe ADD student'sunique talents and gifts. Author Ramundo'sson has worked with several.At the end of his primary


THr Ivpncr OpGnowrNc Wrru ADD Up

cycle,his teacher said,"l thoroughlyenjoyedhavingJeremy my in class. The things I taught him don'r comparero the things he taught me aboutchildrenwith learningdifferences." Adolescence-Identity vs. Confusion for Tbit is a period of searching an identity and experimentingwith different waysof behaving.During this time, the adolescenr struggles to feel successful competent.She measures self-worthprirnarily and her by her success academics, in socialrelationships extra-curricular and activities.Although theseare important issues the school-age for child, they have enormous significance the adolescent. for The ADD Adolescent: Research shownthat adolescents has with ADD are at greaterrisk for loweredschoolachievement, suspension from school,anti-social activity and poor peerrelationships.', Although hyperactivitymay have decreased, difficultieswith aitention, concentration and impulsivitygenerally persist. the ADD adolescenr As measures success the three important areas, often concludes her in she that shehasfailed.The baggage negativefeelingsshecarries of from childhood addsto ever increasing feelingsof inadequacy. School often becomes nightmareof unattainable a goalsevenforADD reens who managed survivein elementary to school. The physicalenvironments largejunior and hlgh schoolbuildings of can be impossibly distracting-hundreds of studenrs move about,lockers slamand bellsring. l)ue to the sheernumbers students, of educarion ar this level resembles assembly an line: Stud,ents in to the classroom, Iisten,tnke notes, real the textbook, prefile pareresearch papers, popquiTTes written exams. and nke and After 50 minutes;conueJor beltsrapidlymovethe stud,ents their hastilygathered and materials another rc work sffidonin the assembly plant. At the next stetion, pushes barningbuttonof the nixt subject, the process anotherteacher the and" begins again. We hope that our metaphordoesn'toffendreaders who arejunior or seniorhigh schoolteachers. But this is how it feelsfor the ADD adolescentwho keeps falling off the conveyorbelt-she simply can'r regroup fast enoughto keepup.


You MEnNI'u Nor Lxzv,SruploOn Cnnzv?!

The heavy demandson fragile memory writing and organization skills can overwhelm the ADD student who previouslysurvivedor and parentsrarely Teachers perhapseven excelled,academically. peerpressure considerthe possibilityof ADD. Instead,they assume is causingthe new academicfailure: "Youknowhow a teenager Slrecares moreaboutherfnenls isJ wouldiustburkle down atd spend work. If she than her school . ." lpss time sociali7ing. \Tithout question,the peergroup is of primary importanceto adolescentswho expendgreatenergytrying to fit in. Unfortunately,many don't do any better sociallythan they do academ. ADD adolescents ically. At this point in their lives, somemay decideto give up on and quietly retreat from interpersonal the idea of peer acceptance Others develop an attitude-at leastthat's how relationships. theseADD teens. characterize parentsand teacherssometimes

TUEIupncr Or GnowrNcUp WrrH ADD

Failing at home, schooland with peers, they work at perfectingthe "l don't care" attitude they beganfosteringin childhood. This bravado of beingbadoften emerges cover up social and performancedeficits. to There is usuallya high school peer group who shares this attitude toward school and adult authority. Believing shehas no orher viable options, the ADD adolescenr may gravitate to this group. She hopes to finally find a measure peer acceprance. of Normal adolescence a time for experimentationasteenagers is struggle to define their identities and separate themselves from their paren6. The impulsive ADD adolescent who experiences failure in every area of her life might take this experimentationto an exrreme.The porential for serioustrouble is real if sheexperimentswith drugs,sexor other risky behaviors. W"henan ADD child becomes adolescent, parentstake an her a deepbreath and hope their growing child can successfully negoriare the hazards. The transition to adulthoodis generallya challengeeven for a welladjustedadolescent. Balancingthe need to break awayfrom parenm with a continued need to be caredfor, is tricky. This paradoxis especially confusingfor an ADD adolescent. Although she may balk at rules and authority, shesecretlyfearsthat she won't be able to make it on her own. She is painfully awareof her shortcomingsand knows that sheneedsto dependon her parentsfor so many things. She is overwhelmedar the prospectof taklng responsibility for the details in her life. How can she manageher life ,rh..t shecan't even manage her homeworkassignments? Emancipationfrom parentsis generallystormyasshebattlesher parents and her fearsof failure.The markedirritability of earlier childhood often developsinto intenseadolescent rebelliousness argumenand tativeness. The normal moodiness this stageis magnifiedin an ADD of teenagerand contributesto the tenseatmosphere within her family. The picture isn't totally gloorny,hupeqten For someADDers, adolescencecan be a time of discovering specialtalentsand abilities.A gift for writing, math, art, physicalprowess mechanicscan rescueheror she might gain statuswithin her peer group and usefulskills for adulthood. Somesociallyskilled ADD adolescents becomequite popular with peerswho admire their energyand sparkle.


You MreN I'v Not Lnzv,SruptoOn Cnazvl!

An early diagnosisand long-term supportivetreatment can help the weather this difficult stage.Without ADDer successfully adolescenr thesefactors,the joumey is much more difficult, but not impossible! are difficulties,most ADD adolescents able In spiteof long-standing grow up and join the majority of ADD to uncovertheir abilities.They adults who are self-supporting. Adulthood entersadulthood. demandscontinue asthe ADD adolescent Escalating with many symptomsof her disorder.And of course, She still struggles with her. of baggage failure and low self-esteem she carriesthe excess when shefinishesher school career. don'r magicallydisappear These eatingat The ADD adult might still find herselfaloneon tlrcplaygroLLnd, go her deskwhile her colleagues out to lunch together.She remainsaloof she because can't trust her socialskills.Her erraticattention,faultymemory and inabiliry to readsocialcuesimpairher ability to participate in the give and take of conversations.

Tur Iupacr Or GnowrNcUp Wrru ADD

The grown-upADDer often has trouble working steadilyon the job, especially the work is boring or repetitious. if She mentally drifts off, distractedbv the samethings that have alwaysderailedher. Inconsisrency can affectthe qualiryof her work. When shewasa studenr,shetumed in late projects.Now shemisses deadlines and business appointments. Although shedoesn'trun aroundher office, shemight fidget a lot and makenumerous trips to the watercooler.Her coworkers might complain that shedoesn'tdo her shareof the work because seems it she'salwavs doing somethingother than working. Argumentswith spouses coworkers and and yelling matcheswith children can becomea way of life for someADDers. The short fusethat caused tempertantrumsin childhood can now createproblemsof intensified,negativeinterpersonal relationships. The adult with ADD experiences world differentlythan orhers the and externalizes experiences, her frequentlyblaming everythingon factorsoutsideherself.She is so distractiblethat she isn't withier long to Unable ro process emotions feelings enough dealwithher emotions. very well and blaming the world for her problems, might experience she explosiveoutbursts depressive or episodes. During theseperiodsshe can barelyfunction at all. Impulsivebuying can creategrowingdebt and financial hardship.A pattem of living for the moment with little attention to rhe future, makes household budgeting and long-termplanning,difficult. Savings accounts might be non-existent.Credit cardsmight exceedtheir limiti. Financialplanning and guardianship the children might be left to for fate,with no consideration a will. Impulsivity and a needfor intense of experiences often result in risky,thrill-seekingbehavior.This might be a factor in the high incidenceof auto accidentsin the ADD population. ADD adultsarealsoat somewhat greater for substance risk abuse. Impulsivity,socialisolationand an inability to handle emorionscan makethe escape alcoholor drugsparricularlytempting.There might alsobe a of biologicalpredisposition substance for abuse, this questionhasn'r but been adequately researched.


You MpnNI'u Not Lnzy.SruproOn Cnezy?!

Adulthood is a mixed-bag.ADD doesseemto improve with agebut in many cases doesn'tgo awayentirely. Research suggests that about half of ADD adults are sufficiently well adjustedthat their symptomscause little or no trouble.te isn't clearwhetherthe symptoms It actuallydiminish or if the ADD adult has leamed to managethem better.Marital instabiliry,frequentjob changes, substance abuseand an increased number of auto accidentsare common characteristics ADD adultswho conof tinue to struggle with severe symptoms. There are somevariablesthat seemto have an impact on adult outcome. Th"y include:intelligence,socialskills,socioeconomic family status, mental health and aggression. general,intelligent children with In good socialskills and a mentally healthy family of higher socioeconomic statushave the bestprognosis. The variable of aggression seems to be a predictor of a pooreroutcome in adulthood.Successful adjustment in adulthood is seriouslycompromised2o ADDers who displayagfor gressive behaviorsin childhood. Adulthood is challengingfor ADDers. \7e arc funcrionaldysfuncrionnls, strugglingwith roller coasterlives we rarely understand.\7e are high smkes'folk with the potential for both disaster and hitting the jackpot! The picture isn't totally glnomy,howeeer.Many ADD adults lead productivelives by usingtheir particularstrengths. Deficits can become assets. Hyperactivity can translateinto incredible productivity and impulsivity into a strongneed for closure-getting the job finished by the deadline.The risk-taking behavior that givesa parent a heart attack can becomea sourceof pride when the child growsup. She takes the big risk that puts her on the map or makesher a millionaire! Excitability can becomesparkle, decidedadvantage socialsituaa in tions and the workplace.Persuasiveness animation are assets and in public relations,sales and advertising. Adults with ADD often shine in thesefields.High struogrcreativeADDers can be exciting presenters and welcomechanges from calm, placid speakers who bore their audiences death. to The ADD child who spenther school yearsin a fantasyland can leam to useher mental free flight in the creative process. This ability to see


THpIupncr Or GnowrNcUp Wrrn ADD

the big picture is valuablein jobs requiring vision and creativiry.Many of us usethis ability to assume positionsof influence. If we leam to make our wanderingminds obey us, they can becomepowerful tools. The restless, jobs that make novelty seekingadult can avoid sedentary her symptomsso difficult to manage.A friend loveshis 1obasa long distancetrucker. He doeshave to sit for a long time but doesn'thave to worry about bothering anyonewith his singing,tapping and wiggling. And he likes the sensationof movement.Another acquaintance has tumed her excess energyinto a lucrativesideline,renovatingold houses in her free time. ITithout a correct diagnosis, many of us may blame our behaviorson depression, anxiety, traumatic life eventsor lack of character.Understandingthat thesebehaviorsare symptoms a central nervoussystem of disordercan have a powerful impact on thesefaulty assumprions. This knowledgecan radically changeour self-perceptions we can leam so to blend in with the rest of humanity. !7e can leam not onlv to survive but to excel!

"Some forms of the disorder dre more disorilerly than others." An ADD adult recently made this interestingobservation.It really capturesthe essence the complexity of ADD. If ADD were a matrer of of symptoms slotted into the three broaddiagnosticcategories, would it be far easierto understand. Figuring out how ADD adults rick, however,isn't nearly this straighr. forward.The disorderis severelydisablingfor someADDers and much lessso for others.To understandhow ADD playsour in individual lives, we need to explore the behavioraldifferences the disorder. of In the next chapter we'll usetheseunique differences understand to why we ADDers behaveaswe do. This will provide the starting place for identifiiing your particular strengthsand weaknesses beginning and your process recovery. of


CHaprpn 4

How We Are Different?

llow We tre [iffenent?
HowAreWe Dtffercnt?
If yo., have ADD, your disordermakesyou different. There'sno doubt about it. You come into the world with differences that are part of the wiring of your brain. Not only are you different from others who don't have ADD, you are alsodifferent from others who do.

Different Doesn't Mean Defective

Yes,eachof us is differentbut differentdoesn'tequaldefective.It's foolish to ignoreour differences pretendthey don't exist.It's equally or foolish to focusexclusively the debit sideof thosedifferences. on Although our lives would probablybe easierwithout ADD, they wouldn't be more valuable. In the first chapterwe examinedthe three broadcategories ADD of symptoms. Now we'll enlargethe discussion considerthe impact to thesesymptoms have in your daily life. You'll learn about your disabilities. You'll alsolearn aboutyour abilities-abilities that are someyour symptoms timeshidden by the problems cause.

So How Do the Differences Affect ADD Adults?

Although we talk of ADD asa distinct disorder, makesmore sense it to think of it asa syndrome:a group of symptomsthat tend to occur together.The concept of a syndromeseems appropriateway of an thinking about a centralnervoussystem that doesn'twork quite right.


How AnEWE DrmntNr?

Researchers disagree about the specificoriginsof ADD bur mosr agreethat the regulatoryfunction of the CNS is somehowerraric and inefficient. !7ith an impaired regulatorysystem,an ADDer may have wildly fluctuating behaviorsfrom day to day or even minute to minute. He may alsohave leaming problemscaused erby ratic attention and information processing. The Wandering Mind Syndrome Most of us have minds that wanderhither and yon. !7e daydream and drift among looselyand tenuouslyconnectedthoughts.As our o*1 thoughts intrude, we changethe subjectand inte.*p, with irrelevantcomments. Regardless the "why" of distractibility, the behaviorsassociated of with it are often mistaken for rudeness eccentri city. Tlw WanAeror ingMind Syndrome, all ADD differences, its plusesand like has minuses. on the minus side,an ADDer might engagein mental free-flight when he should be working. Bosses r.g"id his partially finish.i ,.ports and unretumed phone calls aseviden.. of incompetenceor a poor attitude.In conversations may listen with on" he but con"ur tinue on somelevel to follow his own train of thought. It's obvious to his bossor friend that he isn't all there.His r."*Lg disinterest doesn'twin friendsor influencepeople! On the plus side,he can usehis wanderingmind ro notice things others missand make new and interestingconnectionsbetween ideas. His creativemind can roam beyondconvention into imagination and possibilities. If an ADDer can leam ro conrrol his wanderingthoughtsand cap^ italizeon their richness, can discovera.raluableasiet.Think he about the stereotype the absent-minded of professor the talented or artist who has incredille gifts but stumblesalong trying ro manage the practicaldetailsof life. \7e don't believethisitereoiyp. is mere. ly a myth. If we wereto surveyindividualsin crearivepiofessions, ^of we feel surewe would find a disproporrionare number nnn adults.


Sruptoon Cnazv?! You MrnN I'v Nor L,+zv,

One Channel Operational SYstem \7e Most of us areEqinl Opportunity Attenders. give everything ?ld anyrhing the opportunity to grab our attention! An ineffective filtering systJmnt"ko us vulnerable to distracting stimuli in the environ' ment and in our minds and bodies. and responding It's hard ro get things done when you keepthinking_about diffe."n1 things. The quality of the work you do manageto ro so many your focusis intemrpted so much. accomplisitis often *"rgin"l because juggleseveral things at once' many Although someADDers are able to find this difficult, if not impossible. To accomplishanything, many of us have to operateon o-^lyone channel. Let', .rr" the metafhot of channelson a radio to understandthe dynamicsof One ChsnnelOPeranon. During a drive through the mountains,you may hqve to simultaneously listen io ,",r"r"1 ,t"ti6t s asthey fade in and out. You may spenda lot to of time hitting the scanbutton that is supposed bring in the strongsoonerdo you happily start singing along with your_ est chan."l. No favorite songthan it fadesout as*Jt.ottg"r signaltakesover your radio. The normal brain doesn'tseemto have trouble with channel selection. dinner, he selectsthe food channel. He \7hen a non.ADDer prepares can arrend to this strongiignal and cook the food without buming-it. At the samerime, his biain scansand locatesother strong signals-that channel and bring in imporranr information. He monitors the children argumentensues. switchesto it when a sibling is An abiliry ro rune in severalchannelssimultaneously usefuland to radio in the ADD brain, however,seems have a mal' essential.'The let him switch channelsefficiently. functioning scanbuton that won't Rather th"l" pulling in the strongsignal,it pulls in everychannel with' in a thour"rrd mile radius!He keepi losing track of the channel he's listening to. For many of us, the solution is to tum off the scanbutton. It's the only way ro prevent the weak channelsfrom interfering with our attention to ih" 6ne we're trying to listen to. So we stay tuned in to only one


How AnEWt DrmnrNr?

channel. If we dare switch to the children channel, the pork chops becomedried out, hardenedobjects,permanentlyattachedto the pan we cooked them in! \7e think the one channel phenomenonhas implications for kitchen designers. They really should take a crash.o.,rr. in ADD. If they were awareof this phenomenon,they would never designkitchens wittr large, open spaces preparingdinner and chatting with guesrs rhe ru*i for at time. It may be a greatconcept for non-ADDers. For one channel folk, however,this kitchen designresultsin lousyfood or lousyconversation. Handling both at the sametime is virtually "missionimpossible"! This differencecauses undesirable behaviorsin a one channel ADDer. Demandsto switch channelsare cruel intrusions.He snapsat the interrupting party, snarlsat the personon the phone or losestrack of what he'sdoing. He may tune out the interruption, not even noting it or reacting v-e-py slowly to it ashe undertakesthe arduoustask of switching gears. KK: "'S7"hen worked on a psychiatricunit, I sharedthe responsibility I for answeringthe telephone.I had trouble switching gearsfast enough t9.n1c\ up the phone after a few rings. Often, I never heard it ring ai all. Other staff membersresented*y failure to do my shareof thii 1ob. Th.y mi.stakenly assumed thought I was"roo good" to do this mun. I dane task." An ADDer can be at a disadvantage the workplacewhen he has to in tune in to many channels.The phone,boss and coworker channelsall competefor his attention. Many workerscomplain that numerousinter. ruptionsforce them to bring most of their work home in a briefcase. Thev can't get anyrhing done ar rhe office. The Locking In and Blocking Out Phenomena An int_e_resting correlateto the one channel phenomenonis overpersistence.When an ADDer becomes locked in ro a rask,he can'r ttop. Hi, overpersistence makeswitchinggears can very difficult. It can alsocause a friend, colleague spouse leap to erroneous or to conclusions. "lt's 1. obvioushe can pay attention when he wantsto." 2. "He's so rudel He completelyignoresme."


Sruploon Cnnzv?! You MEnNI'trlNor L,+zx,

that causeproblemswith Erratic focusand the generaldysregulation seemincompatiblewith overpersisconcentrationand stick-to.itiveness tasksand short attention spanscharacteristic tence. Aren't unfinished answeris yes.. .andno! of ADDers?We|l, the paradoxical could be just Overpersistence Much of ADD behavioris paradoxical. anotherdifferencethat is at oddswith a "short attention span".But we submit that it's more than that. An ADDer expendsgreatenergyand effiortto shut our rhe distractionsof other channels.With an unfiltered world rushing in to his brain, he has to developsomerather powsensory may be one of them. to er{ul defenses ,,r-ine. Overpersistence \7e believe rhar an ADD adult may deliberatelyusethis locking'in ability to shut our rhe rest of the world. It can insulatehim from the wear and tear of handling the flood of incoming information. A one strategy as channel ADDer may usehis overpersistence a compensatory at one time. in a socieryrhar valuesthe ability to bounce many balls and Spouses friends is Overpersisrence definitely a double edged_sword. and write for hours,oblivious *u1rfl at rhe abiliry to sit at a computer tums to annoyance'how' to everything else.E t ry of this self-absorption ever,*ir". ."ui.,po,rrsunnoticed through open windowsor the tomado siren evokesnot even a blinkt The good news is that this disability/ability differencecan be usedto The good"ad,ranrage. bad news is that locking-in can be inappropriate, certain situations.ReIo.rrrt.rproductive or downright dangerous-in computer insteadof racthe tomado siren-ltcking-in to the *.-b.i consequences! could have disastrous ing for the basement The "I Hate Details" DYnamic Many of us have an aversionto details.An inability to scanand switch channelsplaysinto this aversion.To scanfor details,we have to attend ro numerouspiecesof data. We find that our brains are uncooperative \7e when we try io absorbmany detailssimultaneously. may forget remembersequential much of what we seeor hear.\fhen we try to the details,we can losethe first stepbeforewe can assimilate second. de' for the gestalt(the big picture) over miscellaneous Our preference difficulty with data processing' tails, may in part result from this


How Anr WEDrrpEnENr?

The (Don't Do Today What You Can Put Off Till Tomorrow" Dynamic Many peoplelive by this creed.Filing several extensions a federal on income tax filing can put off this oneroustask aslong aspossible.But 'We're we'renot talking about a conscious decisionto procrastinate. talking about the frustration many of us feel every time we rry ro ger startedon anyrhing. What appears be stallingor an apparentunwillingness do someto to thing is often a sign of the superhuman effort requiredto begin concentrating on a new task.Refocusing painful. It takesa lot of blood, is sweatand tears.Although an ADDer may do great after he getsgoing, he has to work hard to shut out the rest of the world and t.r* off theother channels.It's possible becomemore efficient at self-starting to but it takestime and self-discipline leam this skill. to A Defective Filter Another brain function that goesawry in ADD is the filtering mechanism.A brain that is working at peak efficiencycan selectwhat it needsto concentrateon and filter out extraneous distractions.It works much like the oil filter in a car. It filters out the dirty, useless parricles so the engine can operateefficiently with clean oil. Coffeefiltirs per. form a similar function, preventing the bitter groundsfrom gerting mixed in with the liquid. ADefective Filterpermits the "groundsto get mixed ,rp with rhe coffee." An ADDer experiences world as a barrageto his senses-noises, the sightsand smellsrush in without barriersor protection.Normal noise levelscan interferewith his ability to hear conversations maintain or a train of thought. Even in a relatively quiet restaurant,backgroundnoisescompetefor his attention and interfere with his abiliry ro listen ro rhe r"ilr"r. During a telephonecall, he may snapar a spouse who makesthe slightest noisein the room. Unfiltered visualdistractions can make shoppinga nightmare.The process scanningthe contentsof a largedepartment of store can be agonizing.The quantity of choicesis overwhelming and often createsfeelingsof intense anxiety and irritation.


You MrnN l't,rNot Lazv.Sruploon Cnnzv?l

Touchy Touchability of An ADDer can be very touchy about being touched!His sense touch channelsare. is vulnerableto overstimulation asthe rest of his sensory An intolerance of touch or closephysicalproximity is a fairly common differencenoted by ADD adults.The term TactileDefensiveness of found in occupationaltherapy literature, capturesthe essence this At it Similar to most ADD symptoms, waxesand wanes. difference. times the need for physicalspaceis acute and an ADDer simply can't toleratebeing aroundother people. he of It's ironic that with his poor sense physicalboundaries, may bump physicalspacewhile he fiercely protectshis own. into someoneelse's "Peoplelike me-other ADDers-can One ADDer ruefully observed: drive me crazy.I hate to be touched and they keep bumping into me." pets don't have Others saythey don't like livlng with animalsbecause for respect physicalboundaries! Roller Coaster Emotions

oNE,ono*at R'LLER cob$g*s hgDr*'Ltug

the We're not exactlysurewhat causes problemswith mood and emo. tion in ADD. \7e do know that ADDers often saythey live on emotion{luctuate,with extremealterationsin Feelingstates al roller coasters. the highs and lows over hoursor even minutes. involving Maintaining emotionson an even keel is an intricate process For by fine adjusrments different partsof the brain and nervoussystem. He seems be dysregulated. walksprecariousto an ADDer, this process ly on his high wire never knowing how he'll feel at a given moment. The peoplein his life may tiptoe aroundhim, fearinghis next bad mood. Intense INTENSITY Feelings amplified are ADD adultsasintense. Peopleoften describe and blastedout with little restraint.W"henan ADDer is angry he might yell or throw things. \7hen he'shappy,he often captivatespeople with displaysof positive energy. dazzhng


How AnEWEDrrpEnrNr?

Low moodsfeel like the end of the world. Many of us have passionare natures,artistic temperaments react quickly and to an extreme.Our that tendency to boastand exaggerare may result from experiencingthe world so intensely.If we alwaysseethe world in vivid living .o1o., we'll describe that way to others.It isn't a plannedexaggerarion it bur a valid reflectionof our perceprions. A Short Fuse lfhen somethingpushes ADD adult'stemperamental an butrons,impulsivity often kicks in. It may take little to r"i off his explosiveremper or tum him into an irritable grouch.The outbursrthat resultscan be ", baffling to him as it is frightening to the peoplearound him. After the explosion that seems come from nowhere,he often feelsashamed. to He can't understandwhy he madesuch a big deal out of nothing. His angerusuallydisappears quickly as it appeared the angerhe as but elicits in other peopledoesn'tgo awayquite asfast.They headsat his childish reactionto a bumed pieceof toast.He couldjust get another piece.Instead,he fusses fumes.Since setbacks and throw him off balanceso easily,he startscomplaining when he should be trying to solve the problem. The IDP Dynamic-Irritability, Dissatisfaction or Pessimism The moodiness ADD can be expressed generalized in as irritability. There may not be dramaticexplosions temperbut rather,a continual of Unfortunately,thgirritable ADDer misses on the highs, our insteadexperiencingchronic dissatisfaction. seldomexpresses He positive thoughts or feelingsand travels through life exuding an aura of pessimism. Through no fault of his own, he views his world through gray-colored glasses'. Another manifestation this generalized of irritability has lessto do rt_th pessimism than with a feeling of being consranrlyannoyedby other peopleand events.The ADDer may be sarcastic, rude or abrupt with others. Depression? The-symptoms depression of and those of ADD can be remarkably similar.Mental health professionals somerimes have difficultv disiin-


You MreN I'u Nor Lxzy, Sruproon Cnezv?

guishingone disorderfrom the other. When in doubt, many choose an antidepressant the medical treatment since it can help sympas toms of both disorders. and ADD occur together in the SometimesClinical Depression sameindividual. $sregulated emotionscan alsoappearto be symptoms of depression when they're not. The symptomscan mask underlying attentional problems.It isn't uncommon for a mental of health professional make a diagnosis depression to and totally missthe ADD. The depression-like symptomsof ADD adults might be part of the neurologicaldysregulationthat causes disorder.They might be the part of an emotional response repeatedfailure. Likely, the moodto inessof many ADDers is a little of both. Differentiating ADD from can be difficult but it's vitally important. The Clinical Depression emotional piece of ADD is often just the tip of the icebergof other problemsthat must be addressed. Boffomless Pit of Needs and Desires "I want.,,I need...Imustl'taqte" On any given day,parentseverywherehear theseimmortal words! In the grocerystorecheckout,the beggingcan be for a pack of gum water pistol. Alor candyand at the toy store,for the latest,greatest though it isn't easyfor children to leam that they can't have everything, they usuallygrudginglyleam to acceptthe deprivation. For many ADDers, the intensefeelingsof need continue forever.It's part of the dysregulation ADD. of ongoing problemswith his An insatiableADD adult experiences appetitefor many things-sex, alcohol,excitement,etc. He is a bottomlesspit of needs,alwayslooking aheadand never feeling satisfied.The simplerpleasures life are too mild. Intenseexperiences of must match his voraciousappetite. This insatiability can manifest itself in varied ways.Inside, it feels like an overwhelmingcraving. The craving is often non-specific-


Ho'w Ans Wr DtmnENr?

not it's for somethingbut for anything in particular. An ADDer might the to food, sex,liquor or shoppingsprees appease greedyNeeds use Monster.Unfortunately, feeding the monster makeshim grow larger and more insistent so the ADDer setsa vicious cycle in motion. He can exhaustfriends and lovers with demandsfor attention and affection becauserta olnount is ever enough.

SomeADDers developpattems of behavior that include habitual overearingor binge drinking. It's conceivablethat a significantpercentage of the membqrin the "Anonymous" groups-alcoholism, codependen. cy, and sex.airdlove addictions,could have ADD. \Uith hard work, an insatiableADD adult can leam to say"No" to the of non-stop"l want, I need,I must have" message his NeedsMonster. cravingsby dabbling in sportscar racing or He might quiet his restless tiLL his bungeejumping. He might assuage need to sh.op yardrop througha of strategyan acquaintance ourshas designed.


You MreN I'rnl Nor Lezy.Sruproon Cnazy?!

She goeson periodic shoppingbinges,frantically charginghundredsof dollarsof merchandise. Having happily fed her NeedsMonsrerwith all her packages, headshome. But wait a minute. Doesn'rthat she makehim grow even larger? her case, doesn'tbecause In it there'sa secondpart of her strategy. The key is that shehas taught herselfto bring the packages home and never open them. She has leamed that within a few hours or days,the cravingsfor her purchases will have subsided. Then she goeson another shoppingtrip ro retum everyrhing shebought! Activity Levels in Flux SomeADDersare hyperactive, thoughnot all thetime. SomeADDersare hypoactive. Most ADD ersare hyperactiqre hypoactive and . Literature frequently refersto ADDers as hyperactives-a referenceto excessive activity levels.This reflectsa viewpoint that is both contro. versialand somewhatoutdated.Although someprofessionals focus still on high activity levelsin diagnosing preferro considerthe ADD, we issueof hyperactivity asone piece of a more generalized dysregulated acnvitylevel This dysregulation can include roomuchaction (hyperactivity ) too little action (hypoactivity) andfluctu^ations betweenthe two extremes. SomeADDers know somethingthat many professionals don't understand:hypoactivitycan be a troubling parr of ADD. A hypoactive ADDer movesin slow motion and hearsmany "Getmowing's." only If he could. It would take a bonfire beneathhim to causeany movemenr at all! He may envy his hyperactivecounrerparr. A hyperactiveADDer's differences most noticeablewhen he has are to sit still. That's when he starrsswinginghis leg or gnawingon his pencil. If his job permitsphysicalactivity, the hyperactiveadult can be indistinguishable from his non-ADD colleagues. Travelingsalespeople copewith restlessness stayingon the road and by on the move.Nursesjoke about needingroller skates get from one to end of the shift to the other. Likewise,the construction worker has a


How Anr,We DrrrpRrNr.

job that lets him expendphysicalenergy. The level of activity required jobs can provide a neededoutlet for hyperactivity. in these that Many ADDers are both hyperactiveand hypoactive.It seems activity levelsfluctuate betweenextremes,much like the other dysregulatedsymptoms ADD. Sometimes ADDer movesand talks at of the mega-speed only to flip to a stateof inactivity that makeshim appear nearly comatose. SomeADDers report that on a given day,their activity levelsseemto build from morning to evening. They are slow moving and thinking in the morning, functioning well only if they can carry out routines withwith family members out interruption. Early moming conversations TheseADD adultsdecan consistof grunts and one word answers. as scribethemselves operatingon "autopilot", capableof little more than routine, automatic functions. Thesefolk begin to gain alertNothing helpsto speed this process. up nessby midmoming which is a problem when they work standard daytime hours. By noon, they're going full tilt, using their energyto drained talk nonstop to coworkersover lunch. With energyreserves by mid-aftemoon, the big slump often hits with a fight to stay awake. The cycle often continueswith a late aftemoon shot of newly found energywhen they start revving up again.For many,the evening hours are the most productive-late aftemoon or evening shifts enablethem to work at peak efficiency. This pattem is certainly not unique to ADDers. After eating in particular, many peoplesufferfrom a slow-downastheir bodiesmobilize for food digestion.The practice of the siesta many countriesmay be in relatedto this normal physiological cycle. An ADDer's cycles,however,seemto have more intensepeaksand slumps. a group,ADD adultstend to be night owls.Many have As trouble getting startedin the moming and displayirregularpatternsof hyperactivity and lethargy throughout the day. Although many expertsregardhyperactivity asa primary symptomof for ADD, others hypothesize that it's an attempt to compensate under-


You MrnN I'u Nor Lrzy, Sruproon Cnnzy?!

arousal. Likely, both theorieshold parcels truth. At times,rhe ADDer of seems be frantically trying to keep himself going by being physically to active.Insteadof taking Ritalin to maintain focusand regulation,he might usestrenuous exerciseto boost his flaggingenergyand attention level. At other times, he seems frantically driven by hii hyperacrivity, a force over which he has limited control. Peoplewith high energylevelscan accomplishmany things in a short time. \7hi1e others complain that a twenry-four hour day isn't long enggghto get everythingdone, an ADDer might search extra things for to fill up the unusedhours. Hyperactivity can be helpful. Unfortunately,many ADD adultsenergetically spin their wheels,go in circles and get nowhere.The goal of trearmenror self-helpcan'r be just to slawthe ADDer dawn, but to help him leam to useand direct his energy more efficiently. Thrill Seeking Lack of restraint can causean ADDer to risk life and limb in pursuit of excitement.As a group,we tend to be thrill seekers, minimizing inher. ent risk and danger.As children we fell out of treesand dov. fto* great heights. !7e may have made frequent trips to rhe emergency room to have our bruisedand batteredbodiespatchedup. As adults 'We we're on our own without anyoneto remind us of the dangers. may still be making emergency room visits for far more serious injuries. Insteadof climbing trees,we may be climbing mounrainsor skydiving. An ADDer isn't the only adult who enjoysactivitieswith a high element of risk. But he may approachtheseactivities without sufficient planning. His behavior can be more risky because engages thrill he in seekingwithout recognizingthe inherent risks involved. He fails to pay sufficientattention to registerthem. Since he doesn'rregister or process information about risks,he doesn'treally believein them. the Fuzziness about the extemal world may make him feel invincible and may give him a falsesense safety. of The Intractable Time Tyrant Time is an elusiveentity to many of us.Sometimes feel we'vehave we entereda time warp-a twilight zonewherewe treadwater,get nowhereand accomplish nothing. Our sense time is elastiC of and we


How AnEWE DIrrrnENr?

the characteristically underestimate time it will take to do anything. As children, we're late for school,stay out beyondour curfewsand As misshomework deadlines. adults,we might be late for work and bosses coand have trouble completingprojectson time. Teachers, or workersoften misinterpret the tardinessaslaziness an indifference to their needs.In reality, our behaviorscan result from an altered time sense and an inability to plan. An unscientific diagnostictool could be to count the items on a person's"To Do" list for a given day.In Chapter 13, we'll offer a "test" we'vedeveloped diagnosis to ADD asa measure disorganization! of The daily list of an ADDer usuallyincludesfar more than any human friend planned to could accomplishin three or four days.A professor write three articles,a book and two grantsover the summermonths. His unrealisticgoalswerequite typical for an ADDer! Perhaps there is a brain function called "Time" that doesn't operate are efficiently in an ADDer's brain. More likely, his TimeTroubles caused variousdeficits and his failure to factor in their impactson by his life. He figuresthat it shouldn't take more than two hours to prepare a small dinner for friends.So, he decidesto add a few extra things he to his afternoonplans.Regrettably, fails to plan for the inevitable distractionsthat will derail him. Preparingthe meal alwaystakesmuch longer than he thinks it will. both Time toubles play out in other waysaswell, with time passing more quickly and more slowly than it should.\fhen an ADDer is lost in his own compelling thoughts,the hours fly by in an instant while routine work hours inch along at an excruciatinglyslow pace. Sometimes, even unpleasant taskscan grabthe ADD adult. Most people don't think of houseworkastheir favorite activity. Then why doesan ADDer who hateshouseworkspendhours "spit-shining" his house while other choresremain unfinished?The answerlies in overpersistence.It's not uncommonfor him to becomelocked-in,obsessively as attacking tiny specks dirt. The day evaporates he scrubsa small of portion of a room into antisepticperfection.This would be okay if he had the time or inclination to spendhis life pursuingthe elusivedream


You MpaNI'u Nor Ll:zy.Sruproon Cnazy?!

of a spotless home. Of course, time is limited and must be divided his among a variety of chores. The time he neqter accountedfor is eatenup by lisx tlwt are too long: Anotherday is gone.. .Itt 3 o'clnckin tlte morning, .The alarrn will go off , in threehows. . .Doesn'ttlw TtmeMonstnreuer sleep? ?? Space Stmggles An ADD adult can alsohave a distorted sense spaceand problems of of directionality. As an adult, he might still rely on the visual clue of his wristwatch to identify right and left. He might have difficulty following a road map or understandingthe compass settingsof North, South, Eastand \Uest. He can alsohave a distorted sense how his body movesin spacein of relationshipto other objects.As a consequence, bumpsinto other he peopleor fumiture. He might be unable to gaugethe speedand direction of a ball in tennis or baseballgames. Sportsthat demandfinely tuned spatial abilities can be particularly difficult for him. Similar to a distortedsense time, an alteredsense space of of might be relatedto excessive speed and deficient planning. It can alsoresultfrom the impairedinformation processing a specificleaming disability. of Spatial problemsaren't limited to sportsactivities and directionality. They alsohave an impact on organization.An ADD adult often lives with a daunting amount of clutter and disorganization. Even when he slowsdown to take the time to tidy up, he facesa nightmarish task of figuring out what to do with his chaotic surroundings. may dream He of having enough money to hire the right personto organizeall the stuff in his life so he can ger on with the business living. of The ADD brain seemsto have trouble sorting and filing. \7e ADDers tend to focuson all the exceptionsto the orderly rulesof the world. \7e play a perpetualgameof "But what about. . .l' It's difficult to organize either space a filing system or without an ability to decidewhich things belong together. Memory alsoplaysa role in an ADDer's SpaceTroubles.Beforehe can

How AnEWs DtrprneNr?

he organizehis belongings, has to rememberwhere they are.After he finds them he still has to figure out what to do with them! ourselves Some of us dismissthe e{fectof clutter on our lives, assuring with that tidinessis simply a wasteof time. Others becomeobsessed putting things in order and have time for little else.Although neither courseof action is particularly helpful, problemswith spatialorganization are common for many of us with ADD. The ADDer's environment is a confusingone over which he constantly of struggles gain a semblance control. A certain degreeof order is to important for emotional well-being. Preventingthe overwhelming feelingsof confusionthat resultfrom untamedpiles of junk is an important goal. Information Processing of Some of the differences ADDers can be understoodwithin the conprocessing. How do we think about and act on the text of information information we receivefrom the environment?Do we have unique To ADD thinking and acting styles? answerthesequestionsand examas in ine other differences ADD adults,we'll usethe Theoryof Systems a working model of the brain'sfunctions. partsorganized into a whole to servea funcconsistof assorted Systems from the tion or reach a goal. Every systemusesenergyand resources input into an the or environment as its input. It transforms, altemative form called outputand sendsit back to the environment. A computer systemtakesinput from humansby way of the keyboard. new information asoutput on a printout. it It processes and produces Similarly, the human brain receivesinput from the outsideworld processes and producesoutput in the form of it through the senses, wordsor actions. If a computer malfunctions,we look at the three parts of the systemto find out what'swrong. Human error can interfere with input if information is keyed incorrectly.A problem in the information processing of the computer itself may alsoexist. Finally, the output function can be flawed if there is a mechanicalproblem with the printer.


You MraN I'u Nor Lxzy.Sruproon Cnnzyl!

Breakingdown the workingsof the brain in to thesethree components can help us better understand what'shappeningwhen things go wrong. A significant problem for many of us with ADD is mismatchedinput, information processing and output capacities. In general,an ADDer processes intemal information rapidly but has a lessefficient capacityfor the input and output functions. Problemswith selectiveattention and filtering compromise qualiry of input-getting the information into his brain. Difficulties with impulsivity,activity levels, memoryretrieval, motor control and rambling speech compromise the quality of output-effectively communicating or acting on the pro. cessed information. Let's take a look at how input/output weaknesses and intemal processing strengthscreatesomeunique ADD differences. Action and Inaction Imbalance \7e know that asADD adults,we have problemswith aftention. That's why our disorderis called an Attention Deficit Disorder.\7e have trouble with selective attenaon-focusing on one part of the vast array of information that bombardsour senses. This is just the first step in processing information, however. '!7e alsohave trouble with the secondstep, sele,ctiqte intention-selecting one response from a variety of possible action choices. Levinezt examines interplayof selectiveintention and selectiveattention the in his book on developmentalvariation. He makesthe point that it's rare to find a personwho has difficulty with attention without also having difficulty with intention, or acrion. \Uhen your teachercomplainedthat you weren't paying attention, washe observing neurological process your brain?Of course the in not! He wasobservingbehavior.Your action-looking out the window rather than at your math book-resulted from listening to the blue jay insteadof your teacher. The action part of attention depends balancingthe forcesof action, on and inaction, inhibition. The brain needsto facilitare, or supfacilinaon port helpful actionswhile it inhibits, or blocks the harmful ones.Many of the differences unique to an ADDer resultfrom an imbalancein this area.\fhen he should be in his inaction mode, he blurts out a hasty,


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sloppyresponse should have inhibited. \Uhen he should be in his he action mode, he fails to answera questionhe should have facilitated. In tennis, facilitation helps him react quickly to retum a shot and inhibition preventshim from reacting too quickly and moving when he should be waiting. A bad gameof tennis is one thing but social errorsare somethingelse. Disinhibition causes many of the socialproblemsan ADDer experiences.He says things he shouldn't say,interrupts conversations and intrudeson a friend'spersonalspace.Because has trouble slowing he down enough to stop and think, he may not even realizehis mistake. Sometimeshe may realizeit but is too embarrassed apologize. to Failure to restrainor inhibit can causeproblemsfar more seriousthan a socialfaux pas.An ADDer tends to react quickly and intenselyto his impulses. may strike out at his children or let loosea streamof He verbal abuse. Arguments with his spouse can quickly get out of hand ashe saysthings in the heat of the moment only to regret them later. He doesn'tmean to lash out and is ashamed his behavior.The hasty of wordsor actionswere neither planned nor intended. If behavior judgedby intentions,we ADDers are blnrnelessis we didn't,mean it! While it's true that we're not calculating criminals, we need to look beyond good intentions. These impulsive wordsor actions can destroy relationshipsand psyches.\Ue have to considerthe impact of our people,especially loved ones. behavioron other our A failure to inhibit one'swords isn't alwaysa negativequality-an ability to sayjust about anything can come in handy.Thlking about personalexperiences and problemscan open doorsfor others to share confidences. Most people are enormouslyrelieved to discoverthat others sharetheir fearsand insecurities. The mushroomingnumber of supportgroupsis evidenceof this need to shareand be intimate. Many peopleseemto be starvedfor connectionsto others.


You MEaNI'r.,t Not Lxzy, Sruproon Cnazy?!

Peoplelaugh when the truth is exaggerated, twisted,or expandedto the level of absurdity. An ADDer who doesn't inhiblt the flow of his thoughts can dreamup outrageously funny things to say-things that others wouldn't dare to utter! If he can leam to monitor himself sufficiently to keep from steppingover the line into offensiveness, can he contribute a sparklingsense humor. of The Supersonic Brain Statedsimply,the ADD brain goesfast! Although we've listed it separately,the Srzpersonic Brain is closelyrelated to the action/inaction balance. An ADDefs ahered cogninve rcmpocan translateinto unmonitored rapid-fire speech. \Tithout pausingfor breath, he may prevenr anyone elsefrom getting a word in edgewise. Handwriting and other aspects of task perfrormance alsosufferashe fails to slow down enoughto balcan ancehis intemal processing physicalcapabilities (output). As a and result,he makescareless errorsand has trouble with motor tasks.The authors,for instance,have had a long-standinglove/hate relationship with tennis that hasresultedin part from the Supersonic Brain phenomenon. PR: "Kate and I should have our nameslisted on a plaqueof notable accomplishments, kind of Guinness a Bookof Records. merit incluI7e sion on the basisof our record setting number of yearsin beginner and advancedbeginner tennis lessons Regardless how hard we worked ! of at our game,we never seemed make much progress. to After we both startedtaking Ritalin, we experienced startling improvementin our a skillson the tennis court. Lest strugglingathletesread this and race to their pharmacies their for physicalskill pills, I need to emphasize that the improvementwe ex'!7e periencedwasone of mentalskill. were playing better because we werethinking better,or at leastmore slowly and with better planning. Taming our runawaythinking temposgaveus a more accuratesense of time. Our abilities to strategize s-l-o-w d-o-w-n improvedour game. and With relief and a sense accomplishment,we finally graduared of from our beginnerlessons."


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Applying the brakesto our SupersonicBrains often getseasierby the time we becomeadults.Many of us manageto achievesomedegreeof balanceand an ability to stop and think-at leastmore often than we did aschildren. Unfortunately, assoon aswe start feeling complacent, something invariably goeswrong. KK: "I'm certainly no whiz at higher mathematicsbut I can accurately add long columns of figures.I prefer doing my addition without a calculator so I don't have to worry about pushing the wrong buttons. Severalyearsago,however,I made the mistakeof rapidly calculating our householdbudget to ascertainwhether my husbandand I could afford a major renovation. I didn't recheckmy figuresbeforeassuring my husbandthat the project wasfinancially do-able.I sweptawayhis natural caution with my enthusiasmand energyand implied that he wasa stick-in-the-mudfor raisingquestions and objections.After we had committed to the project and were up to our earsin plasterdust, I found a glaring omissionin my figures.I had neglectedto add the mortgagepaymenrro our monthly budget! My saintedgrandmotherbailed us out. If shehadn't given me a portion of an inheritance, we might still be in debtors'prison-assuming such placesstill exist! \7e could have lost our houseand still feel the pinch of my mistake.Frankly,it scared devil out of me!" the This anecdoteis illusffative of an important balancing act for many of us with ADD. We have to put the brakeson our racing thoughts grad. ually enoughthat we don't come to screeching halts, paralyzed by fearsof making impulsive mistakes.Alternately, we don'r alwaysapply the brakeswhen we should, especially when we're working on some. thing easyor familiar. !7hen we're feeling overconfident we may "put the pedal to the metal" and sendour racing thoughts careeningout of control! Paralysis of the Will The balancecan also tip in the other direction, with a failure to act ar all-something like a paralysis the will. The output function totally of 'S7hen stopsworking. this happens,the ADDer may find himself in a frozenstate,unable to take appropriateaction. He may watch the softball whiz by as if he were a spectatorinsteadof the player responsible for intercepting it. \7hen it's time to answersomeone's question,


You MEaNI'v Nor Lezy.Sruproon Cnazy?!

he may standback feelingstupid,because can't think of a response. he Input problemsprobablyalsoplay a part in this paralysis the will. If of he hasn't input the information he needsto properlyrespond,the quality of his output will be impaired. Reaction Time Irregularity Our discussion the fast-thinkingbrain may seempuzzling. of You may be thinking, "That's crazy!My brain moveswith the speed a glacier of and it makesme feel pretty stupid."This is anotherof the ADD paradoxes.Your brain movesboth very slowly and very rapidlyJepending on the task. If an ADDer is free to direct his own thoughtsand actions,the rapid freewheelingaspectof his brain takesover. When he has to fit into someone else's agenda either with wordsor actions,he finds it more difficult to function well. In other words, it's easier ect thanreact. to Reactingdepends the problematicinput and output functionsof an on ADD brain. If you can rely on your ability to process information interyou can often take swift and decisiveaction. nally, Fluent self-expression independentof an ability to respondto quesis tions. A personwith the gift of gabwho ignoresyou when you ask direct questions, might not be rude or disinterested. might have He trouble retrieving things from memoryin a demandsituation. PR: "I have a particular gift for speaking and conduct workshops without missinga beat.\fhen I get readyto shareinformation with an audience, becomeenergized focused. thoroughlyenjoy this I and I work and am never at a lossfor words.But informal gatheringsare a totally different matter. Even in a group of friends, I often flnd myself gropingfor things to sayin response questions. to This bafflingbehaviorconfused until I understood ADD. Now me my it makesperfectsense. am in chargeof my thoughtsand the direcI tion of my work during my conferences. rely on the wealth of my I knowledgeand my excellentlong-termmemoryto orchestrate these sessions. questionand answerperiod isn't a problemeither The because focusis somethingI know well. But at the socialgatherthe ing, I have to react and respondto conversation generated other by people.My brain often doesn'twork fastenoughto find what I need to say.On the way home from thesegatherings, usuallythink of many I


How Anr Wp DrpreRENr?

things I could have said." Clearly,most peoplefunction bestu'hen the task or subjectis something they know well. You don't have to have ADD to be at a lossfor words.But ADDers seemto regularlyexperience this phenomenon.It resultsfrom a significant imbalancein action and reaction capabilities. Connections to the world are generallyslow and inefficienr while internal connectionswork with lightning rapidity. Ourpur can be difficult because ADDer has to synchronize mental speed the his with his sloweroutput. An inability to respondquickly to requests seems be to stubbornor non-compliantbehavior.In reality,thesebehaviors can be manifestations irregularreactioncapabilities. mouth, brain and of His body just don't cooperate very well in demandsituations. As many of us struggle with mismatched input/outputcapabilities, we feel out of control. We live in a world of paradoxes, world that seems a to tossus about by inexplicableforces. Our needfor control doesn't come from a desireto be one up on others.It is often a desperate attempt to managea situationso we can function with a degree comof petence.Otherwise,it's so easyto look and feel stupid. ADD children may not work well in the groupsettingof a classroom but perform well with a tutor. An ADD adult can have difficulty working asa committee memberyet perfrorm admirablyas the chairperson. He may standaroundthe kitchen of a friend preparinga dinner party, unable to figure out how to assist. But he may successfully orchestrate a socialactivity of his own design. These behaviorscan make you feel lazyand bad about ourself.It's important to remember that this is anotherpieceof ADD. Thesecontradictorybehaviors can reflectyour genuineinability to reacrquickly and efficiently ro situations. The Minuscule Mental Fuel Thnk Unlessyou happento be in excellentaerobichealth, a frenzied hour long chasethrough the park after your escaping Great Dane would probably do you in for the afternoon. If a nap wasn't warrante akick d,


You MrnN I'v Nor Lazv.SruproOn Cnnzv?!

back,put yourfeetup andreadabook breakprobablywould be. You are exhausted! of This scenario similar to the daily experiences an ADDer. Though is his body might not dashmadly arounda park, his thoughtscan race aroundhis head.He is mentallytired. A rapidlyworking brain expends much energyand quickly uses its daily allotment. up information at a mind bogglingpaceand burn ADDers tend to process out just asquickly.An eight hour workdaycan be torturousfor someone

whosemental energyand productivetimessimply don't last long enough.Somehave sufficient energyto get through the day but run out of steamwhen they get home. Familiescan't believethat the slug they in front of the TV could ever be of any useon the job. For years, have never seenhim move off his couch! Many of us think fasterand fatigue more quickly than our non-ADD 68

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peers.Each of us needsto be awareof the impact of cognitive fatigue on our work tempo. Some adults conservetheir resources coasting by at work, particularly if their jobs aren't too demanding.This rtr" can backfire.Without a high level of motivation, the ADDer's job perfrormance really suffer.Conversely,the mental fatigue caused can by demandingjob can overloadhis brain'scapacityro fu:nctionwell. " The challengeis to conservehis mental energyby working ar his own paceand rhythm. Shut Down Susceptibility' What happenswhen the brain'scapacityto process information is exceededT shuts d.oq,^nl. It Many of us live in terror that we'll shut 'We down at a critical moment and becomeuseless a crisis. in may freeze response loud noisesor unexpectedeventsand feel that in to we're in slow motion. An ADDer's overloadedsystemcan make him so tired he can barely move, talk or think. It is as if he is in a remporarycoma. He experiencesattemptsof communicationasassaults his very being.He on either ignoresthe assault snapsan irritable reply-taking any acor tion is an impossibility. An overloaded brain is similar to an overloaded computersysrem. If you load up the working memory of a computer with excessive data, it might crash,losing dataor the functions of the software.Your program will be temporarily useless. a mainframecomputer,overloadcan On shut down the entire system.With excessive sensoryinformation, the brain can alsosufferfrom overload. Even the most efficient,resilientpersoncan becomedisorganized under certain conditions. Recent discoveries the brains of individuals in sufferingfrom Post-Traumnnc Scress Disorder good examples. are Research of this condition has grown from an interest in the mental health problemsof Vietnam era veterans. Post-Traumatic StressDisorderfollows a psychologicalffauma to eventsof war, sexualabuseor natural disasteroutsidethe usualrange of human experience.The sympromsinclude nightmares,flashbacks, substance abuseand an exaggerated startle response. Previouslywell


You MEnNI'u Nor Lezv.Sruproon Cnazv?!

adjustedpeople aren't immune to the disorder-the symptomscan occur in anyonewho has experiencedseveretrauma.

The symptomsoften persistyearsafter the traumatic event. Recently, actual biochemicalchanges psychobiological have discovered researchers It that stress.zz appears in the brainsof individualswith post-traumatic in overloadexperienced extremesituationscan alter the the massive brain, perhapspermanently. ShutDown, Although no one can explain the biochemistrythat causes we know from experiencethat it's troubling for many ADDers. Of course,we aren't the only peoplewho shut down under demanding It The differenceis in degree. takesa fairly low level of situations. it's to yell "uncle". And when it happens, stress the ADD brain for definitely not fun! for This baffling coma of Shut Down is troubling but essential our must stop the onslaughtso continuedwell-being.It is as if our brains of we can heal ourselves and renew our depletedreserves mental


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.19tgy. Rather than fighting it, we need to give in to it and acceptthe self-imposed rime. Our brainsmusrt..h"rg.. Eachof us ha, to rest find the bestway to facilitate this renewal. Undependable Memory and Learning Systems If you look at a picture of the brain, you won't find an arealabelled The Memop_. Mpmory is a-process rather than an identifiable part of the brain. The function of memoryis a sysrem with multiple parrs scatteredthroughour the brain. Someof the differences ADDers experienceare.related problemswith memory.In the following to section,we will examinethe impact of ADD symptoms the on memoryprocess. The First Step of Memory: Acquisition-The first step in the process' acquisition,is closelyrelatedto selective attention. Besides payingattention to incoming information,it involvesa preliminary decisionto acceptand storeit. As ADDers, many of us feel embarrassed how much we don'r know. by Our selective attention deficitsmake it difficult to acquireinformation that never even finds its way into our memorieslThe positive sideis that an ability to notice things othersmiss,resultsin a fascinating and eclecticstorehouse interestingknowledgel of The second s!"p of Memory: Registration-we have to register information beforeit can becorn"puit of memory.In this seco.rj ,r"p of the memory process, consciously we make an effort to securethe information in our memoriesfor subsequenr recall. If we superficially registerthe data, we'll have difficulty ritrieving it later. Protlems of 'We arousalor alertness often impair adequate regisiration. may only partially understand conversations, phone *"rr"g., or directionsand jump the gun on new tasks. coding and rehearsal two important parts of registration.Every are tlme you usea file cabinet,you areusing ryrt"rnof " decidewhether to file the pieceof papei uy r"liecr, writ"r,i .r"*. o1. type of requiredaction. If you recall fiom the discussion spatial of organization, this is no small taskfor someADDers


You MenNI'u Not Lezv.Sruproon Cnazvl!

Registeringinformation involves essentially the samekind of sorting and filing. \7e decideto code,or file incoming information asa visual image,a word or a sound. For example,we can code the name "Tom Thumb" in severalways.The code can be a "picture" of Tom the mid. get with an enormous thumb (visual),a word, "finger" (verbal) or a sound,"Tom Thumb is a bum" (auditory). Rehearsal what children usedto do in their one-room schoolhousesis memorizingby reciting their lessons aloud. \7e userehearsal practo tice and repeatinformation until we anchor it in our memories.To be effective,rehearsal must be more than rote memorization.It must include elaboration information. If you have ever memorizeda word of list by singing a silly songyou createdfrom the words,you have used rehearsal elaboration. Rehearsal another problem for an ADDer because tediousand is it's patience.Theseare usuallynot his bestqualities!He is crearequires tive, though, and can be quite inventive with the sometimes off-thewall coding methodshe designs. The Third Step of Memory: Storage-The third step involves storageof the processed information. There are four storage instant systems: recall, active workingmemor!, short-term memoryand long-termmemory. These storagesystems aren't characterized their sizebut by their by duration or how longinformation is storedin each. Instant recall has the shortestduration. Seeing flash of lightening the in your mind's eye is an exampleof instant recall. Touch-typing also usesthis kind of memory.The typist holds the key'slocation in his mind only long enoughto press it. on Active working memory functions much like the working memory of a computer.\7hile you work, the wordson the screenare held in the computer'stemporarystorage. the power goesout, you loseyour If work forever unlessyou have savedit to permanentdisc storage. RAM memory capacityvariesfrom one computer to another.If you try to run memory intensive software,your computer might respondto the overloadwith a shutdown and lossof data. If you're lucky, it might


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givg you a a chance to closefiles or changesoftwareby alerting you ro its low memory. Similar to RAM memory your active working memory can shut down if you try t9 overloadit. It's too bad your brain doesn'tgive clearer messages impending shut-down-maybe somethinglike, ,,This is of you.brain.I am preparingto self-destruct!" Complexiiy of detail seems to shrink the storagecapacity.An ADDer often tur remarkably " unreliable temporarymemory that regularlylosespower and data. He beginsthe first step in solving a complex problem only to lose it ashe undertakes secondstep.The jigsiw piices keepfailing off the table the beforehe can put the whole puzzle tog"ih"r. Short Term Memory alsofunctions as temporarystorage.Its capacity is quite limired with a maximum of five seconds r"rr"r, items or (plusor minus two). Its unique limitations make it vulnerableto a variety of interferences. Distractibility wreakshavoc with short rerm memory.It doesn'ttake more than a brief mind trip for a personro losedata that he wasn'tmentally presentto register. An imaginativethinking stylecan alsointerferewith short rerm memorystorage. Elaborationand association old and new data is a great of anchor for long term storage. But it can compromise qualiry of"short the term storage that requires focuson specificdetails. unlimited storelotg Tery Memory is the permanent,seemingly houseof facts,experiences, values,routines,and generalknowledge. You can think of it as a huge bank vault that contains numerour of"depositboxes.Memoriesyou needto storeforeverare in a separate box_deep insidethe cavemous vault. The onesyou need to remember while you completeyour errandsare in your safetydepositbox right inside the vault's steeldoor. The data in this bank vault is consoh dnted,or translated into a permanent code.The codedetermines which box will srorethe information. When you identifu a Honda, Buick and Ford asauromobiles, are you usingconsolidation.From experience and leaming,you form associations by elaborating the characteristics eachcar and crossreferon of encing them to other vehicles.


You MpaNI'v Nor Lxzy.Sruproon Cnnzy?!

A rich imaginationenhances theseassociations is an asset and for long term memorystorage. Since an ADDer tendsto be a conceptualizerrather than a rote learner, consolidationskills can be superb. his He may possess wealth of information in his bank vault but routinely a forgetwherehe put his car keys! Fourth Step of Memory: Access-Access is the process recalling of storedinformation through recognition or retrieval memory.Recognition relieson funiliariry to refreshthe memoriesof superficiallyleamed data. For example,you userecognition memory to take a multiple choice test or find your way to a location by noting landmarksalong the way. On the other hand, retrieual requiresprecise,accuraterecall on demand. \Uhen you take an essay exam,you have to retrieve information as an accuratewhole. Finding a specificword in your memory banks is another retrievaltask. Retrieval relieson data you have firmly fixed in memory.To anchor data in memory,you have to usespecificstrategies. Precise recall is you only asgood asthe strategies usedto storethe information.That's why rote recitation is a lesseffectivestrategythan memorizingby principle. Rote learningresultsin isolateddetailsrather than generalideas and abstractions. An ADDer's unique abilitiesand disabilities greatvariability in cause his abiliry to access information.Accurate retrieval is a combination of attention to the detailsof what he needsto memorize, plannedstrategiesfor storageand fast information processing. With an aversionto details,an ADDer tends to approachmemory choresin a rapid, superficialand haphazard manner.This compromiseshis ability to developstrategies registration. for His limited reserves mental energyimpair his ability to maintain sufficienteffort of to memorizesomething.As he quickly bums out, he often rushesto get the memory chore finished. His divergentretrieval is usuallymuch fasterand more accurate than his convergentretrieval.Remember dynamicsof reactiontime? the


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An ADD adult functionsbetter when he acts(divergenrrerrieval)on his own ideasthan when he reacts (convergentrerrieval)to a direct question.He often impresses friendsand himself ( !) with the fluency his of thoughtsstructuredaroundhis knowledgebase. Everythingis grear until someone interruptswith a questionor even worse,changeslhe subject.He suddenly feelsanxiousand annoyedthat he has to switch to his faulty convergentrerrieval. rifth Step of Memory3 Tiansfer-tansfer is a complex process of rearranging individual piecesof data to form new knowledge.It can include combiningfragmented piecesinto a largerwhole. [t can include applyingdata from one applicationto another.It can alsoinclude generalizations the common threadsbetweenseemingly of unrelatedideasor evenrs. A precise memoryfor factsis invaluablein answering quesrions about a specificsubject.It is lessvaluablein information transferthat depends on associations. instance,children and adultswith mental retarFor dation can't transferskills from one setting to another.They have to learn skills in eachof the semings they will userhem. Transferof knowledgedependson the creative and flexible useof a knowledgebase. data is storedin separately If labeledboxes,rransfer of knowledgeis impossible. Mixing the contentsof the boxesor combining them in new waysis unthinkablel An ADDer tendsto be a creative,divergenrrhinker with an ability to put.knowledge and ideastogether.He resists purring things in boxes with neat labels. Although this can be a disadvu.ttug" when he needs precise memory it is a decidedadvantage transferring for knowledge. He can wanderthrough his safe-deposit boxes,finding information ro usein new and interestingways.He can applyknowledgeand solve problemsin waysundreamed by more orderlythinkeis. of ADD adultsdon't have bad memories but their unique symproms creategapsin the memoryprocess. Although eachof us has a unique memoryprofile, we sharesomefairly consistentpatterns.Recognition memoryis usuallygood.That's why many of us performedwell in


You MeaNI'u Nor Lnzv, Srupto on Cnezv?!

about the historic implications of world events discussions classroom but failed miserablyon teststhat requiredone-word answers. It makessensethat your memory would be good for a specificsubject or task that comeseasilyto you. But what about that tough physics classin high school?Why did you do so well in a difficult subjectthat memory retrieval?Your teachermight have wonrequiredon demanl, deredthe samething. He might have pointedly usedthis asevidence of your ability to do it whenyou warltedto. Your abiliry to excel Your teacherwaspartially correct in his assessment. wasrelated to motivation but not in the way he thought-your lack of motivation wasn't the result of your poor attitude. It wasthe result of an ADDer's need for intenselycompelling motivation to grab the dysregulatedselectiveattention. It alsohad a lot to do with individual teachingstyles. Everyonehas his own unique leaming style.The visual leamer leams by seeing,the auditory leamer by hearing and the kinesthetic leamer If by doing/experiencing. you are a visual leamer and the coursein questionwastaught with many char$, diagramsand other visual aids, your brain receivedthe optimal kind of stimuli. Your memory wasgiven just what it neededto function efficiently. Recognizingindividual leaming stylescan be very helpful in bypassing weak areasand focusingon strengths.The memory of an ADDer can compromisehis attemptsto leam, converseand carry out instructions. goesa long way toward helping him readjust Understanding the process his self-assessments. \il7eADDer's aren't stupid or oppositional.\7e just need to leam and to demonstratewhat we've leamed, differently than others do. \7e'11 examine thesedifferencesin greaterdepth later in the book. Impaired Social Skills' Control Center of ADD has a profound impact on all areas life, including socialadjustment. Symptomsof the disordercan affect interpersonalrelationships in a variety of ways.


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Somepeopleseemto be bom with socialgifts and skills of intuition that_theyusero "read" orher people.Perhaps they have highly devel"Social Skills' Control Centers" in their brainsl \7ith litile effort, gPed they seemto interact admirablyin socialsituations. Many of us with ADD, however,really have to work hard at leaming and using social skills.

\7e leam mannersand other forms of socialrules in childhood-but successful relationships requiremore than memorized rules.The rules are somewhatflexible and can changefrom situation to situation. The development socialskills is more an art than a science of because we must leam to readthe ever-changing reactionsof orhers.If deficient selectiveattention getsin the way,an ADDer's perceptions may be flawed by inaccurateor incomplete information. If we are unsureof the rulesin a given situation, we watch other people for cluesand gauge their reactionsto our behaviors. inabilitv to An process information efficiently can result in a failure ro assimilaiethe leY rulesquickly enough.Combinedwith impulsivity,this deficit can leadto numerous socialmistakes.


You MrnN I'u Nor L,+zy. Sruprnon Cnnzy?!

Developingfriendshipscan be difficult for an ADDer whoserestlessnessinterfereswith the process. Building lasting friendshipsrequires slow,carefulplanning and nurturing. Many of us simply can't wait around long enough for this process take its course.So, we try to to pushing ourselves speedit up and cqme on like gangbusters, into other'slives. "l know you saidthat you would call me, but I figuredI'd just drop over and seewhat you weredoing.Yeah,I know it's Z:00a.m.Yeah,I know I alreadycalled three times today." An ADD adult may have brief conversations with many peoplebut be unable to focuslong enoughon a given relationshipto make a connection. It's just too difficult to hang in there for the duration. Intimacy, with its demandsfor carefulattention to another person,ffixy elude him. He works so hard at following the rules and not looking foolish that he may have insufficient energyleft to focuson someoneelse. If you are an ADD adult who has grown up feeling like a socialreject, don't despair!It's never too late to developa socialnetwork. You may have unrealisticexpectations yoursell believingthat you shouldbe for like one of the gang onThirty something, with friends dropping in all the time. It can be healthierfor your soul to recognize that this lifestylemay be unnecessary undesirable. and Using your energyto develop one or two positiverelationships can be a much better way to go. Someof the eccentric traits that causedan ADDer's childhood peers to labelhim "weird" often becomeadmirableffaits in adulthood.\Ueird becomes unique,specialor interesting. Creativity,a specialtalent, a sense humor or an enthusiastic of zestcan be a socialmagnet,drawing other peopleto him.

By this point in your reading,we hope you have a better understanding about what ADD is and the impact it has had on your life. \7e hope you have begun to forgive yourselffor the failuresand shortcomings you may have blamed on your lack of character.\7e hope you know that your ADD isn't your fault.


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In the next chapter,we'll look at someadditionaldynamicsof ADD. our focuswill be the unproductive waysmany of us have leamed to cope with our disorder.Growing up different affectsthe wav each of us interactswith our individual worlds and the people in them. By understandinsyggr disorderyou've alreadybegun the process of dismantling your self-defeating assumprions. continrr" ihi, imporTo tant process, need to considerboth the adaptiveand maladaptive you coping strategies you'vebeenusingto copewith being different.lUith this-knowledge, you can make decisionr your bJhaviorsand modifir those that are getting in the way "borrt recovery. of your


CHaprEn 5

Art TheNotSoFine of Coping

. "I won't thinkaboutthat rcday . .lll thinkaboutit tomorrow." times in the movie, line several O'Hara usedthis classic the Gone withtheWind. She had mastered art of dealingwith the problemsin her life by avoiding them-she put them out of her mind. but S.url"tt may have been a fictional character, shedid what all mechanisms, s, human beingsdo. She developedcoping strategie defense to defendherselfagainstpsychologicaland emotional harm. are Defensemechanisms the survival techniqueswe leam through our feelingguilty Scarlettleamedto protectherselfagainst life experiences. for hei lessthan admirablebehaviorswith her, "l'11put it out my mind" becomearmorsthat shield Scarlett and Defensemechanisms defense. all of us,from hufts and disappointments. we of Because our differences, ADDers enduremore than our fair share By rejection and feelingsof inadequacy. the time of disappointments, systems erectedelaboratedefense *" r"".h adulthood,many of us have We dontt or to hide our differences distract othersfrom seeingthem. want to be different and will jump through hoops to fit in and gain againstemotional So, acceptance. we build shieldsto defendourselves harm. beneficial.They can be can mechanisms be psychologically Defense They can alsobe psycholog-mechanisms. adaptive,positivecoping that underminegrowth. icaliy harntfrl, maladaptivecoping mechanisms Scarietsomerim", ,r"d her Denialdefenss-('[f I don't think about the


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problem, it doesn'texist" asan adaptivecoping mechanism.lUhen she killed a man in self-defense, refusalto think about the devastaring her circumstances enabledher to survive its horror.

Unfortunately, Scarlett overusedthe defense. She usedit not only to surviveemotionalharm but alsoto insulateherselffrom ever thinking about the possible consequences her actions.Because didn't of she allow herselfto considerthe impact of her behavior,sherealized too


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late that shewasdestroyingher marriage.Even in the final scenewhen with his declarationthat their relationshipis over, Rhett Butler leaves Scarletrefuses confront reality. Again she invokesher standard to refrain, "l won't think about that now, I'11think about it tomorrow." helpful and The defense mechanisms that ADDers useare sometimes sometimes harmful, creatingmore problemsthan they solve.It's important for each of us to analyzethe maladaptivebehaviorsthat get us in we'Il examinesomeadaptive trouble.In later sections about recovery, for we coping strategies can substitute the harmful ones. 'We've of compiled somecharactersketches real peoplestrugglingto If cope with their differences. Each usesa maladaptivecoping strategy. you you recognize yourselfin any of their descriptions, will already your have taken an important step in your recovery.If you can analyze you emotionallyhealthmaladaptive defenses, can begin to substitute ier ones. Bad is Better than Stupid thought she Susanis 15 yearsold. Justa few yearsagoher classmates She her wasweird. They teased for being in the "ozone"during class. waspuzzled and hurt that no one wanted to befriend her. Now at long her. last, shehas found a group of kids that embraces Susanand her new friends wear extreme,punk hairstylesand clothing. mentality. Since they're surethe world is going They have a doomsday to to Hell no matter what they do, they think it's useless work hard at They are smartkids. They use schoolor to try to excel at anything. their collective intelligenceto write nihilistic poetry and makedarkly humorousjokes.They flirt with death asthey take drugsand have sex without safeguards. Although the groupisn't violent, eachof the kids has a hostile, sarcastic and tough manner.Their peersare afraid of them. SometimesSusanis too scared by the talk of suicideand the useof IV drugs.But at least The other kids don't dare shefeelsaccepted u groupof her peers. by make fun of her now and she is off the hook asfar asschool work goes. Elementaryschool wasalwaysdifficult for Susan,but junior high and with Many ADDers can empathize hlgh schoolhave beennightmares. her. She has always felt incompetent,stupid and rejected.Slow and


TUE SoFINE OrCoprNc Nor Anr awkward in leaming new sportsand masteringthe art of conversation, shehasn't faredany better in physicalprowess in her sociallife. or She has leamed one thing very well-adolescents admire kids who are cool and in control. Driven by the adolescent's intenseneed to fit in, Susanhas learnedthat rebellious behavioris more acceptable than the uncertainfumblingsof someone struggling with disabilities. She has decidedthat BeingBad better than BeingStupid. is Facedwith reality assheexperiences Susanchooses it, inclusion in the gangover humiliation and alienation.She hasa third choice.She can leam new waysof dealingwith her differences. She doesn'rconsider this option because is driven to saveface.She'salwaysin trouble she with her parentsand teachers is willing ro pay this high price for but acceptance. The defense mechanism Susanhas learnedis common in adolescence. A defiant and snnart reply to a teacher's questionscan get a few laughs and perhapssomeadmiration from other kids. It's a way to avoid answeringa questionwithout looking stupid.The stint in detention hall that follows can be a reasonable price to pay for maintaining one's image.And anyway, getting plenty of detentionsis cool. TOUGHNESS creates smokescreen nasLVULNERABILITY. a to If v9u separate Susanand her friendsfrom their group and managero dig beneaththe tough shells,you find troubled,uncerrainkids. Muny vulnerableADD adolescents continue to weartheir shieldsof toughnessinto adulthood.They usuallymanageto keep themselves and their tough facades within the boundsof society's rulesand don'r become major league criminalsor radicals. hostile attitude, however, A intimidatesother peopleand preventsanyonefrom getring too close. This defense mechanismdoesdouble duty asa cover for pioblems and an insulator from other people.Unfortunately, Susanand her counterpartsmay pay a high price, indeed. The Perfectionist Unlike Susanwho protectsherselfby rebellingagainsr sociery's rules, Debrahas taken rhe oppositetack. She hasdecidedthat being the


You MEnNI'r'rNor Lazy.SruproOn Cnazy?!

best,regardless the cost,is the only way to hide her deficits.Debra of is a Perfectionist. She hasADD but thosewho know her would neverbelieveit. Although her poor conduct grades reflectedher restlessness, behaviorwasn't her disruptiveenoughto cause serious disciplineproblemsin school.In general,shefollowed the rules and did what wasaskedof her. Before -in the top 3o/o shegraduated ofher high schoolclassof one thousandpart in many extracurricular she took activities. Everyonecountedon her to volunteer for any task that neededto be done. You might be askinghow someone with ADD could function so well. \fell, Debrawasn'treally functioning very well despiteher carefully constructedfacade.She rarely slept more than four or five hours each night. This had nothing to do with insomnia.She didn't sleepmuch because didn't have time-she had to studytwice aslong aseveryshe body elseto leam the material.She regularly"pulled all-nighters"and never had time to relax or hang out. Sometimes desperately she longedto get off her treadmill but didn't darerisk disclosure. shefailed to do everything,her secretwould be If out. Everyonewould know shewasn'tnormal. The hitch wasthat Debra didn't have a clue about what "normal" was.She had kept her secret so long that shehad inflated ideasaboutwhat other peoplecould accomplish. She thought that if shesaid"No" ro anyrhing,shewould be found-out. Her inability to say"No" got her into serious trouble in all areas of life. Beginningin seventhgrade,shehad sexwith any boy who asked and pushedthe bad feelingsabout herselfto the back of her mind. Even a pregnancy and an abortion didn't changeher sexualbehavior.Her impairedsense sell distortedby differences didn't understand, of she caused to do anything that would bring acceptance. her Now 32 years old, Debrais marriedand hasa setof twins and a successful business. still worksherselfto death,compelledrc do it all. kb She becomingincreasingly more difficult to do it all with so many conflicting demands her time. Children, husband, on volunteerwork and clients all vie for her attention. Lately shefeelsthat she's losingcontrol and that at any moment somethinghorrible is going to happen.


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She can't keep all the piecestogetheranymore. \fhile Debramay look good to outsiders, feelsterrible inside.She she has to spendall her energyrunning and hiding behind her facadeof perfection.Knowing that she hasjust about pushedherselfbeyondher limits, shewonderswhen she'll totally self-destruct. There are many Debra'saround. It's interesting to speculate numthe bersof supermen and women who strugglewith disability beneath their in controlexteriors.Readers who are familiar with codependency may recognize similar traits in Debra.She'strying to gain control of her life by taking careof everything and everybody. Recoveringcodependentscould tell her that it doesn'twork. The Blamer Steve never admits he'smade a mistake.When he can't find important papers the blackhole in that constitutes office,he accuses his his secretary losingthem. He terrorizes wife, kids and employees of his by flying off the handle and accusingthem when anything goeswrong.

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At 28 yearsold, Steveis a chronic Blamer.lf food falls out when he jerks the refrigeratordoor open, he yells at his wife for putting the groceries awayincorrectly.If his kids don't understand instructions, his he blamesit on their stupidityor inattention. It's an impossibilitythat his instructionswere unclear.Enduringhis daily accusations anger, and his family beginsto believe they are at fault. Most peoplewho know Steve characterize him as an arrogantSOB. \Uhat they don't realizeis that beneathhis blustery,aggressive exterior is a scared, rejectedkid. Steveis shieldinghimself againstfeelingsof inadequacy shifting the blame to others.This keepseveryonefrom by looking too closelyat his performance.He's terrified that he'll be exposedfor the bumbling idiot he really is. Although he'sa successful businessman, still feelslike the kid who wasregularlyridiculed and he punished.Thpesfrom the pastkeep playing in his head, "How could you be so stupid! You'll never be worth anything!" The defense mechanismof Blarning similar to BeingBad except that is the blamer fendsoff peopleby actively accusingthem of stupidity or wrongdoing.The badpersonkeepsothers off balancewith angerand hostility but not necessarily with criticism. Blamerscan never let anything go. To maintain their fragile emotional equilibrium, they must have a scapegoat blame for everythingthat happens. to For the blamer, accidents don't exist. ttWho Cares?tt Jim is 30 yearsold and has worked asa waiter or cab driver most of his adult life. He is intelligent and well-informed. He loves to engagein lively discussions about current eventswith his friends and anyone elsewho will listen. He has a good sense humor about things in genof eral and himself in particular.At his legendaryhigh school graduation (his friendswere amazed ever managed graduate), joined in he to he the laughterashis buddiescarriedhim down the aisleon their shoulders. Peopleenjoy being aroundJim because he's likable and easygoing. Nothing seems bother him, even when bosses to and coworkersask him to work unpopularor extra hours.They know he won't complain. for Jim makesexcuses the peoplewho do him wrongor maintains that


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to the things they do don't bother him. He professes be content with his life the way it is. Secretlyhe feelsbad that he didn't go to college did. He isn't at peacewith himself and has ashis brothers and sisters physicalsymptomsto prove it: tension headaches, high blood many pressure and an ulcer that regularlyflairs up. with Jim feelsthat he's a failure and maskshis feelingsof inadequacy persona. knowledge his \X/ho Cares His wide circle of friendsand broad The defense mechbasedon't make up for his academicshortcomings. Borrowing from anism he usesto protect himself is similar to Susan's. fable, both pretend that things out of reach the fox in the sour grapes' arroganceand Jim's indifference aren't worthwhile, anyway.Susan's are shieldsof armor to prevent anyonefrom seeingtheir disabilites. Janepresentsa slightly different version of the Who Caresdefense. Jane,a 47 yearold mother of two, is intelligent and creativeand has ADD madeschoola impressive artistic talents.Despiteher gifts,Jane's It monumental struggle. took twice the customarytime for her to complete college.Beforechoosingto stayhome with her children, shehad always held jobs well below her educationallevel. competition and materialismin Janeis outspokenabout the excessive proud of her skill at budgetingmoney and has today'ssociety.She is goodsothersconsidernecesleamedto live without the many consumer sities.She doesn'town a VCR or clothes' dryer. wise useof resources enablesher to devote time to her family Jane's and have enough left over to pursueher own interests.Her choice of saying"No" to the rat race to live by her own values,is admirable.The problem is,Janeisn't entirely comfortablewith her decision.She "Doth protesttoo much" when shescoffs academic at and careerachievement. There is a distinctively angry defensiveedgeto her voice when she much time explaining herself. rationalizesher life choices.She spends is but and Jane's assertive, both are careJim'sindifferenceis passive fully designedmasks. She Janedoesn'tfeel successful. usesso much energyon defensethat she can't acceptherselfor honestly evaluate is her choices.Perhaps beneaththe bristly Wha Caresdefense a real the desireto accomplishsomeof the things sherejects.Perhaps choices


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shehas made are right for her. Regrettably, she works so hard at protecting her fragile ego rhat shehas little energyleft for living the life she has chosen. Ji-, on the other hand, can't realisticallyassess himselfbecause he worksso hard at prerendingnorhing bothershim. His "what me w_orry" attitude maskshis real feelingsthat probably include anger. He is a-ngry himself for his shortcomingsand at the peoplewho at take advantage him. His armor protectshim but alsopr"u.rrt, of him from grapplingwith ambitionshe'snever been able^to admit. If he'sever able to let his guarddown, he'll need to confront his If ?ng_er: he can leam to deal with his feelingsup front, he may even find that his physicalhealth improves. Manipulation arrracriveand charming.He T.dd is 47 yarsold and is restless, frequentlychanges relationships, living arrangemenrs iobs. He and uses disarming,boyishmanner asa powerful lure to hook others his into willingly taking careof him. He never pulls his weight at work, relying insteadon his masrery manipulationro ger oth"r, to do of the work for him. Facedwith a tediousor difficult task,Todd flattersand cajolesothers into bailing him out. Sometimes actshelpless, he gettingcoworkers do his 1obunder the guiseof teachinghim. He says something 19 like, "l never wasany good at that. I really admirepeople.uho cin do it." Sometimes tells a tale of woe about his bbsspiting work he on him or about emergencies his life. His manipulaiivebeharrin ior usuallyworks and someone stepsin to bail him out. As soonas he feelsrestless coworkers on to him,he simply changes or ger jobs. Fdd usuallymakesdecentmoneybur regularlyendsup flat broke because he'scareless impulsivewith hir rp"nding. To deal with and his financial difficuhies,he relieson the women in his life to support him. His women do more than simply contriburero his financial support.They are alsochargedwith keepinghim out of trouble. They keep track of his checkbookand his ho.rieholdand social responsibilities. Todd manipulates them by usingguilt, charm,sex appeal-whatever maneuverwill work in a given situation.


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Often he manipulateshis current woman into keepinghim together enoughto hold down his 1ob.She getshim up in the moming, monitors his performanceand smoothsthings over with the bosswhen Todd up. messes More often than not, he endsthe relationshipwhen he a by feelstoo constrained the "mothering".His behaviorsounds lot but like an alcoholic's he doesn'tdrink. He hasjust leamedto manipwho does. ulate like someone unfeelinguserwho will stop at nothing Todd might seemlike a ruthless, to ensurethat his needsare met. He isn't pure villain, however.He's an ADD adult who has learnedto useManipulationas a cover for his underlyingproblems. running scaredall the time. He lives in a constant stateof emergency, to mistakes feelshelpless prevent but He knowshe regularlymakes by them. So he survives usingother peopleto coverfor him. It's the only way he knows to survivealthoughhe'sawarethat it's unacceptable for a grown man to be caredfor this way. his Todd simplyhasn't figuredout an altemative method for satisfying He nor His manipulationsareneither conscious premeditated. needs. doesn'tconnect his actionswith their impact on others.His impulsivity and lack of attention to detail makehim unawareof much of his behavior and its consequences. Websterdefinesmanipulatingas"controlling or playing on others usingunfair means".Manipulation may be a dirty word but everyone Although we may not like being manipulatedas usesit on occasion. as use puppetson a string,we may need to occasionally this defense a matter of survival. of ADD adultsin particularcan becomemasters the art of manipulation. It's a tough, competitiveworld out there with dire consequences for thosewho sink to the bottom of the heap.Many of the newly homelessare hardworking folk who slid over the line into poverty following startsout in life a setback such asunemploymentor illness.If someone are with a physicalhandicap,learningdisabilityor ADD, the stakes great temptation to useany available higher and riskier.There is a meansto improveone'soddsof survival.


You MpnNI'v Nor Lnzy,SruproOn Cnazy?!

This isn't to saythat the majority of peoplewith disabilities become manipulative.Most are rather heroic in their striving to achieve.They qelgrall-v9op9by learning to work harder than non-dirabled people. ADD adults,however,have additionalrisk factorsthat increase ihe oddsof their becomingmasrers manipulation. of Withdrawal Barb is both unattachedand detached.Twenty-five yearsold, she lives with her parentsand works as a file clerk. She has rarely dated,has no closefriends and spends most of her free time watching TV. Occasionally she goesout to dinner with a coworkerbut that's th. .*t"nt of her sociallife. She spends vacationstaggingalongwith her parents. her Although Barb has an aboveaverageIQ, she is a marginal wbrker on the job. She makesmany mistakesand has trouble keeping up with her colleagues. Barb is different from most of the ADDers you've mer in this chapter. She isn't anxiousabouther performance and doesn'tworry abo,rihe, lessthan glowing appraisals. After a childhood of academic and social failures, shehasdecidedthat giving up is the safesr thing shecan do. She has chosento accepther mediocrity.The price she paysis a life of boredom,loneliness and depression. Barb is freefrom thl risksshe would faceif shedecidedto live her life fully. But is it worth it? Similar to many ADD adults,Barb's handicaphasnever been identified. She is neither hyperactivenor impulsive.Everyone has alwaystold her that she is lethargic and spacey. Barb believesthis characrerization. She has chosensurvival through Withdrawal. This defenseis a cousin to the \XAoCaressrancebut operates slightly differently.Barb has given up completelyand hascarefullyburiedher feelingsand doubts.She never givesany thought to the possibilitythat her life could be different.Jim, on the other hand, maintainsnagging doubtsabouthis abilitiesand lack of achievement. somele""l, h" On continuesto think about theseissues that trouble him. Insulatedfrom pain by suppressing feelingsof inadequacy, Barb can'r make a thoughtful decisionabout her life. The Barbisof this world haven't madepeacewith themselvgs-i1'sas if rhev'reburied alive.


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Chip on the Shoulder poises full-scale for While Barb quietly withdraws,Paulaaggressively moment of her life. She'sonly 19, but has developed an battle every prickly suit of armor.When her husbandasksif shehas taken especially She offersa long-winded explanout the trash, she reactsdefensively. ation of why shehasn't been able to get around to the chore yet. As she becomesincreasinglyangry and indignant, she switchesto the attackingher husbandfor overworkingher with his demands. offensive, he Paula's husbandaskedabout the trashonly because wasgoing outwanted to take it with him if it wasstill in the house.He sideand from the house,wonderinghow his good intentions wearilyretreats endedup in this ugly scene.Paularetreatsto nurseher angerat a world dissatisfied with her efforts. that is always life Paulais a selfishshrew,making her saintlyhusband's miserable. respondingto innocent comShe has a colossalChipon the Shoulder, of excuses explanations. least and At mentswith a barrage defensive what they seem. aren't always this is the way sheacts.But appearances Paulais an ADD adult who spent much of her childhood rebukedfor things sheforgot to do or didn't finish. Her soul is raw from all the for times sheworkedher heart out only to be chastised the one thing of shedidn't do. Her life hasbeen filled with falseaccusations thoughtlessness laziness that no one knew weresymptoms her subtle of and disability.She ruminatesabout the injusticesin her life and the unfairnessof it all. is Paula'sChip on The Shoulder a protective suit of armor designedto shoreup her sense self.She continually defends of herselfasa matter of reflex even when sheisn't being attacked.The intensity of her defensive stancemay be out of proportion to the imaginedslight but her life experiences have taught her to expectcriticism. She can never let down her defenses. has to be readyfor the next assault her being. on She Paula's defense serves anotherpurpose. inoculates againstrequests It her for her time or energy.With deficits that interfere with an organized that are somelifestyle,shefrantically tries to keepup with demands Her prickly shell fendsoff at leastsomeof the times overwhelming.


You MpnNI'ruNor Lazy,SruproOn Cnezy?!

extra demandsas it makespeople rhink twice about approachingher with questionsor requests her involvement. for There isn't anything inherently bad about emotional self.defense in the faceof real injustice. In Paula's case, however,her knee-jerkdefensiveness the maladaptivesuit she wearsevery moment of her life. is She has sufferedso many woundsthat she can't differentiate between real and imaginedassaul$. She focuses exclusivelyon protection, never allowing herselfto find the strengths that would leadto positivegrowrh. Thke Me or Leave Me You probablyknow highly effectivepeoplewhoseself.confidence you admire.They are self-assured comfortablewith themselves. and They assume healthy attitude of "'!7har you seeis what you ger-I'm okay a and have nothing to hide." Th"y userhis posrurein a positive way.Th.y are unlikely, for example,to wastetime on relationshipsthat probably wouldn't work anyway. Peteis aTal<eMeor Leaqre man in his mid-'30's.He is attractive Me and affable,drawing peopleto him with his sense humor and gift of of gab.He comesacross honest, straightforwardand comfortable-with as his limitations. He sincerelyapologizes when he misses imporrant an deadlineat work or forgetsto attend his daughter's school pluy. Pete disarms most peopleby being the first to admit his weaknesses. fre. He quently makeshimself the butt of his own jokes. "'What you seeis what you get" Pete,has chosena positive coping mechanism.. .Or hashe?What makesPetedifferent from the selfconfident peoplewe described? differenceis that Pete's The Take Me Or LeaveMe attitude is a carefullyfabricatedfacadebehind which he hides. He is a grown-up classclown who "keeps'em laughing" so no one will notice the things he can't do. He uses excellent sense humor to his of createa smokescreento hide difficulties and deflect criticism. \7ouldbe critics find the wind taken out of their sailswhen Petebeatsthem to the punch by making a joke abouthis failings.He leaves them with nothing ro say. It's healthy to take ourselves seriously. less Pete,however,doesit to


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excess. Though he readilyadmitshis weaknesses, never doesanyhe thing about them! He retreats behind his self-deprecating facadeinsteadof honestlystudyinghis behavior. He'sbusyhiding and is unawareof the increasing frustration and anger of his friends.They continue to forgive his failings but are beginning rotteninDenmark.Pete's to have naggingfeelingsthat somethingis a "good guy",but he'stotally undependable. isn't doing basically He anything to improve himself. His mistakesare getting lessfunny and his refusalto take anything seriously causingincreasing is resentment. Pete's copingmechanism doesprotecthim, but it's maladaptive. preIt vents the introspectionhe needsto makepositivechanges his life. in It Ain't So Donna'sfamily of five lurchesfrom crisisto crisis.She alwaysattributes her family'sproblemsto extemal eventsand people.Euerythingwillbe of is or a fine when the excitement Christmas oqter whenoneof the kids gets new teacher. She spends much of her time waiting for things to return to normal, but they never do. Donna is 34 years and hasgiven up a professional old careerto stayhome with her three children who are all hyperactiveand disobedient. Donna is gentle and spacey, rarelyraisingher voice to her children or asserting herselfwith other adults.She works hard at a difficult parenting job but her children continue to be unruly,and her householdremains noisy and disordered. \fhen a crisiserupts,sheconsultswith professionalsbut promptly disregards their advice.She deniesthat a real problemexists. SeveralyearsagoDonna wasdiagnosed with ADD. Her physicianprescribedRitalin and shetook it for a short while. She explainsthat she stoppedtaking the medicinebecause interferedwith her sleepbut it shenever botheredtelling her doctor about the sideeffect. It's obviousto anyonewho knows Donna that her ADD has a big impact on the problemsshe experiences. The chaoscreatedby her unruly children overwhelmsher. Her deficits make it nearly impossibleto provide the firm disciplineand structureher children need so


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desperately. continuesto deludeherselfinto thinking she can manage She everything by herself. Donna avoidsher problemsthe way Scarlett O'Hara avoidedhers.She chooses deny they exist.Denial is an integralpart of grief when a to loved one dies.It providestime for mobilizingsrrengrhro copewith the realizationof the loss.Denial is a healthy,essential srepthar leads to ultimate acceptance. The end of a relationshipor a job, the lossof a body part or an alteration in self.image can alsoset the grief process motion. Donna is in grievingthe lossof aperfect,healthy , replaced self with the label of ADD. She has always known that somethingwaswrong but hasn't found comfort in her diagnosis. Similar to a widow who keepsher long deceased spouse's belongings if he werestill alive, Donna is stuck in as denial. Because can't acknowledge limitations shecan'r move she her beyond them toward a stageof acceptance. Donna uses her It Ain't Sodefense run frantically in circles,trying to to avoid facing herself.Unable to own her ADD, sheconrinuesto attribute her problemsto somethingor somebody else.She refuses ro take neededmedicationor avail herselfof professional hetp. She expendsconsiderable energyrrying to keep everythingtogerher.Her misguided efforts,however,don't yield results. shecan ever faceher If situationrealistically, she'll be able to useher creativemind to find solutions. Learned Helplessness Tiacy is a modern day Prissy, flaky servantgirl in the movie Gone the With theWind who didn't "know nothin' 'bour birthin' babies'l Plaved by Butterfly McQueen, Prissy affecteda simple-minded that helped air her avoid responsibilities. In the era of slaverythis defense wasboth clever and appropriate."Srupid like a fox" Prissy usedher helplessness a mechanism control as for without risking the severe consequences outright rebellion.Tiacy of has leamed that helplessness works aseffectivelyfor her as it did for Prissy. Approaching her fiftieth birthday, shehas spenryearsleaming to play the role ro rhe hilt.


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Tlacy never worriesabout failure.Similar to the manipulator,sheavoids at her responsibilities work and in her sociallife by getting othersto do everything for her. She smilescharmingly asshe appealsto others helplessness for help. Her method differsfrom Todd's.She openly uses contrasting asher ploy. She flattersand booststhe egosof her rescuers, poor, dumblittle me act with their competence. her as Women have beenfrequentlycharacterized incompetentand help'We perpetuatean unfortunate stereotype castby less. aren't trying to is feminine role. Her helplessness a coping ing Tracy in her maladaptive groupssuch asminorities of usedby many members oppressed strategy was,you can use as and women.If you are otherwisepowerless Prissy control. Few men usethis some to helplessness surviveand exercise playinghelpless isn't an acceptable male role because coping strategy Men can't get awaywith it! in our society. her Although Tracy is bright and personable, ADD has alwaysmade her feel unableto copewith the realitiesof her life. LearnedHelplessto ness makesher life easierto handle. She manages remain unstressed, Tracyneedshelp in affirmingher abilitiesso but alsounchallenged. she can feel comfortableenough to risk failure and find success. Controlling similar.At 56 yearsold, he lives You probablyknow Jackor someone himself as "He who has the gold, rules".He establishes by the adage, ruler of his kingdomsat home and at work. He has the undisputed usedhis intelligence,creativity and high energylevel to rise to a high and poweredposition in a largecorporation.Jackhas aggressively reHe to lentlesslyclimbed high on the ladderof success. seems have used and shouldbe congratuthe symptoms his ADD to his advantage of lated for his efforts.. .Or should he? of his againstextemal rewards financial gain. Jackmeasures success his through his domination Unfortunately, he has orchestrated success and insistson conversations of the peoplein his life. He monopolizes at having the last word. He makesall decisions home and on the job. his He regards beautiful wife asan eamed bonus and trea$ her as a in subject his kingdom. At work he alwayssetsthe agendaat meetings If elsechairsa meeting, even when it isn't his responsibility. someone steeringit in a direction that suits the he subtlyundermines agenda, his needs.


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t o


, I


He makesunilateraldecisions, often incurring the wrarh of his peers for his failure to consultwith them. His resentfulcolleagues u.d "-ployeesare readyto lynch him. His wife is fed up and is thinking about leavinghim. He has madean impressive arrayof enemies who would like nothing more than to overthrow king. the the helpless woman,Jackrepresents JustasTracyseems stereotyped the stereotyped domineering,aggressive controlli.rg *"n. Certainly and there arewomen who operarein similar fashionto Ja&. Usually they are toppledmore quickly.In general,controlling behaviorin females isn't accepted any more than helplessness in men. is One could arguethat "The way Jack is, is the way he is; he'sjust a controlling kind of guy."k's true that men and women with ADD may be aggressive bossy temperament. and by Controlling behaviorlike Jack's, however,can be more than an expression one'snature.It can t" of " learneddefense mechanism that becomes hiding placefrom deficits. a


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\Uhile it isn't readily apparentfrom his behavior,K,ttgJacklives in perpetualterror of looking stupid. At home, he controls his family's agendato avoid the risk that his wife will choosean activity that will At exposehis weaknesses. work, he commanlsall discussions because he knows he'sonly effective when he follows his own train of thought. By not letting anyoneelsecontribute, he avoidsthe confusion and he embarrassment feelswhen questionsand commentsderail him. defense mechanismmay backfire.One falsemove Jack'sControlling and he may maneuverhimself out of a job and a family.

Character Sketches of Folk You May Know

The ADDers you've met useacquireddefense 'We've to protect mechanisms public exposure their deficits. from themselves of examinedthe rationale for their choicesand the waysin which their coping strategiesare maladaptive. Human behavioris too complexto explain within the context of defensemechanisms alone. Beneaththe defenses the individual charare we acteristics arebom with. MaladaptiveADD behaviorsare a combination of variousleameddefensive maneuvers and specificdeficits. In the next section,we'll look more closelyat behavioralmanifestations of specificdeficits.Thesevignettesaren't condemnationsof ADDerswe get plenty of theml Rather,we have designed them to illustratewhat can happen if ADD symptoms flourish without control or intervention. The Peter Pan Syndrome3 48 Going on 12 popularized a You may be familiar with thePeterPanSyndrome, in book on the subject.'3Peoplein our societynormally experience some regretat leavingchildhood and taking on adult responsibilities. Most of us, however,manageto bite the bullet and make the transition into adulthood. Chris ts a PeterPan who has decidedthat growing up is simply not worth it. As Chris approaches forty-ninth birthday, he continues to live in a his stateof perpetualchildhood. He has a personalitythat attractspeople. Energeticoptimism,a wacky sense humor and a warm acceptance of of others make the people around him feel good.


You MpeNI'u Nor LAzv,SruproOn Cnnzy?!

He afways more invitations rhan he can accepr. has The ease with which he connectswith peoplepromises intimacy that never materian alizes. After an initial periodof an intenseconnection,would-belovers and closefriendsfind him an elusiveman, impossible pin down. He to refuses make plans,preferringto live from moment to moment. The to notion of commitment to goalsor a relationshipis incomprehensible to Chris. He just wants to have fun and is mystifiedwhenother people feel betrayed his broken promises by He disappoints bosses coworkersaswell asfriends.His high energy and level and intelligencegenerate expectations superiorjob perfo for r. mance.After an initial burst of energy, Chris typically becomes bored with a project and loses motivation. His work becomes sloppyand careless. !7hen-a job becomes boring or a bossbeginspr"r* him to get serious, Chris switchesto another one.


TUENor So FrNrAnr Or CoprNc

Loversget similar treatment. \il/hen they begin to make demandsfor a more committed relationship, they find that Chris has moved on. The women hurt by his "love 'em and leave'em" lifestylefeel usedand abused. Chris believes, however,that he'sjust operaringunder a different set of rules.He lives accordingto the pleasure principle and its primary goal of maximizingpleasure and minimizing pain. All of us operateon the pleasure principle to a certain extent. \7hen we'rebom, we'revirtual bundlesof wants and needswithout any sense of peopleoutsideourselves. we grow and are socialized family As bV and society, gain awareness our responsibilities others.The we of to psychologically healthy adult leamsto strike a balancebetweenher needsand the needsof the peoplein her world. Chris is an adult by virtue of his chronologicalagebut he hasn't developedpsychologically emotionallybeyonda child of t7. Similar to or just don'twannagrowup. PeterPan,he Peoplewith ADD often have many childlike qualities. lifelongsense A of playfulness an ability to take risksare delightful qualities.But if and we allow our essential nature to have free rein, we can begin to resemble '!7e Chris. can drift mindlessly through life, heedless our responsiof bilities and our impact on other people. The Space Cadet It isn't uncommon for ADD adults to saythey are spacey. \Uhen the mental fog descends, they can becomedisorientedand forgetful.Some of us,however,settle too comfortablyinto waking dreamstates, becoming lifers in the Acadnmy Space CaABts! for Seanis 37 yearsold and has joined the academy. is a gentle soul He with a fanciful imagination and a gift for poetry.He spends days his daydreaming, writing, and having long philosophicalconversations with his cronies.Seantakeslittle notice of practicalities.He earns meager wages a writer but doesn'tworry because as material things are of no consequence him. to He doeshis own thing, obliviousto the world aroundhim. \Uhen he wassingle,his lifestylewasn'ta problem.But now he'smarriedand has


You MrnN I'u Nor L,qzy, SruproOn Cnnzy?l

four children. Sean's wife is exhaustedand at her wit's end trying to cope single-handedly with the largefamily. Sean is alwayspleasant and soft spokenwith his spouse and children. He tries to do wharever they ask of him-that is, when they manageto caprurehis arrenrion! Sadly,Seanmakeslittle effiortto rune in to the world around him. Unlesssomeone demands attention, he'sconrent to spendtime his drifting on his own mental clouds.He never serour to dump all the responsibilityin his wife's lap but that's effectively what has happened. He playswith the kids when he wakesup long enough ro norice rhem but his wife rarely leaveshim alone with them. She'sterrified that the toddler would poison herselfright under her daddy'slessthan watchful eye.Seanisn't callouslyallowing his wife to work iik. dog while he " sits and daydreams. doesn't He euennotice. The varied dutiesand details of family life totally escape him. Seanmay not be a manipulativeuserbut he certainly isn't off the hook. It's okay to retreatto a dreamworld when you have only yourselfto consider.It's a different story entirely when you're responsible a for family and the welfareof young children. Even though Sean'sADD can't be cured,he could work harderto shoulderhis responsibilities. Right now he's too comfortablein the fog that obscures things he shouldworry about. The Party Animal The Party Anima|lives for the weekend,enduring the work week that paysfor her fun. She reluctantlycontrolsher impulsiveand hedonistic tendencies enoughto eam a living, but lets them run amok after hours. Someadultswith ADD don'r even rry ro curb their impulsivity.They cut loosewheneverthey can, short of getting into big trouble. You may know Ginny. She is an ADD adult in her late '20'swho works job full time at a secretarial sheabsolutely hates.She doesn'rdo anything about changingher work situation, however,because thinks she all lobs are probablyequallyboring. At work shespends much time as asshe can get awaywith, chatting on rhe phone with friends,doing her nails and dreamingabout winning the lottery. She wearsa bored expression and frequenrlyyawnswhen people talk


TUENor So FINE Anr Or CoprNc

to her. She bidesher time, counting off the daysuntil the glorious TGIF! On Fridays, the handson the clock point to 5:00 p.ffi., Ginny as you wouldn't even recognize. tums into someone Her routine follows the samepattem everyweek.First,shehits several HaPPyHours with a group of partying friends.She getsmore than a little smashed she flirts her way around the room, making only brief as contactswith individual men. After the happy hour, Ginny and her friendsgo out dancingand usuallyclosethe placedown. She spendsa good chunk of her paycheckon clothes and most of her free time on shoppingand scopingout the latest dancesand fads.Despite her talent for tracking current fashions, hasn't apparentlyheard she about safesex or the joys of sobriety. Ginny has never had trouble finding other Party Animnls.She has a great sense fun and enough energyto get any party off the ground. of Her weekendis an endless round of sex,drugs,dancing and anything elsethat seems be fun. Lately, however,Ginny has been feeling a to little uneasyabout her lifestyle-one of her friendsrecently testedpos. itive for the HIV virus. Her partying crowd seems be getting younger to younger.Friendsher own ageare settling down to careergoalsand and families. Nonstop partying is a lifestylethat beginsto look pathetic asthe years go by and the expectedsettling down never happens. isn't only empry It but downright dangerous this ageof deadlydiseases rampant in and drug problems. "The Party'sOver", sooner Ginny may besingrng . than shethinks. . Emotional Incontinence This behaviordoesn'thave anything to do with bodily functions! Rathet it is rampant,uncontrolledemotionaloutput. As ADDers, we have a hard time modulatingour erratic moods.Stayingreasonably calm can be a full time job! Unlesswe want other peopleto write us off as immature or crazyr have to expend the effort. we At 27 yearsold, Jeffhas a serious caseof Emononal Inconnnence. He


You MEaNI'u Nor Lnzy.SruproOn Cnezyl!

doesn'tmake any effort to control his extremeups and downs.The atmosphere his houseis alwaysrhick with the fallour from his latest in mood. His family ridesthe roller coaster alongwith him, cowering from his rages, sinking into gloom or becominginfectedwith unreason. able giddiness. The members his householdfeel exhausted of and tense. They depletetheir energyreserves they try to cope with his moodas iness. has lost more than one job because his temperand is close He of to losinghis secondwife, aswell. Sadly,in socialsituationsbeyondhis home,Jeffdoesn'thave any impact at all. Other peoplesizehim up quickly and decidenot ro take him seriously. They view his rages the pathetic tantmms of a young child. as They ignore his great ideasbecause alwaysexpresses he them in an embarrassing outpouringof enthusiasm. They ffeat him asa child who lacksrestraint.Acquaintances him on the head asthey quickly pat dismiss him. In Jeff'scase, more is definitely less.Emotional expression greater has impact asit becomes more inlsn5g-but only to a point! Dramacan quickly deteriorateinto melodrama,evoking laughter rather than em. pathy.Peoplelike Jeffwho don't control their emotional output run the risk of becomingcaricatures themselves. of The Blabber M"ry is Jeff'scloserelative.She alsohas a bad caseof incontinence but hers is VerbalInconnnence. Although her official title is "Manager of Order Processing", colleagues her have dubbedher TyphoidMary, RrnnorDistnbutionMannger. They can count on hearing the latest office dirt from Mary who has assumed responsibilityfor broadcasting everyone's confidential information. !7ith her warmth, good listening skills and grandmotherlymanner,60 year old Mary easilymadefriends with coworkers.Her new friends, however,quickly learnedto keep their distancewhen they discovered that M"ry talked asmuch asshe listened! Now, everyonefearsthe effectsof her loosetongue. She isn't a viciousback-stabber. truly caresabout her colleagues She and wantsto lend a listeningear when they have problems. But she


THr Nor So FrNrAnr Or CoprNc

fails to reflect on the confidentiality of sharedinformation and indiscriminately and inappropriately distribwes rumors . The angryreactionsthat greether newscontinually surprise her. Since shehasno qualmsabout sharingher own deepest secrers with total strangers, can't understandwhy others are upsetwhen she shares she their secrets. Mary the human raceis just one big huppyfamily and To familiesdon't keepsecrers from eachorher,do thevf The Bulldozer A bulldozeris a well-designed pieceof machinery. short order,it can In transforman acreof tree-covered land to a flattened,barren landscape. In similar fashion,someADDers bulld"oze their way through their li,res, leavinglittle untouchedor unharmed.This is Richard's,ivl" and it has left him with an empty life. Richard'smother says wasborn with a will of iron and a voice that he could shatterglass with a whisper.From his earliesr days,he made ryeryone in the householddanceto rhe tune of his angry cries. Throughout childhood, he went directly for anything he wanted and shovedanybodyasidewho gor in his way.Now that he'sa 43 yearold adult, he seems ruthlessand cold ashe continuesto bulldozehis way over other people's feelings. is successful business lives in a He in but lonely world. He doesn'tunderstand why peopleseemto avoid him. Richard really doesn'tget it at all. He'sobliviousto rhe impact of his forceful nature and is honestly puzzled when orherskeep him at arm's length. At h9 pushes way through life, he'sawareo.tly of his goals his and takeslittle notice of the peoplehe shoves asidero reachtheir. Please remember. the negatives ADD comprise that of only one dimension of the disorder. ADDers come in an usort*"rrt of packages. There are differences specificsymproms in and in the wayseachofirs manages thesedifferences. Many of us do an amazingly wonderfullob of coping with symptoms the ADD we neve. of knew we had! ",r"., Lacking an understanding their deficits,many ADDers feel comof pelled to spendinordinaretime and energytrying ro pass normal. as


You MEaNI'rr,r Nor L,+zv. SruptoOn Cnezv?!

This is a term we've borrowedfrom Afro-American history. With a long history of discrimination in this country, it isn't surprisingthat somelighter skinnedBlacksmanaged their lives by pretendingthey werewhite. In similar fashion,many of us with ADD can passasnormal (whatever normal means).!7e work hard at hiding our differences. We can idensuccesstify with the adultsin this chapterwho have beensomewhat ful in their effortsbut who have paid dearly for fitting in. in We spend ow hiues fear, out impostors willbe found" at anymoment. who feelinglike A recurring theme throughout the vignettes is the importanceof facing one'sbehaviorsand honestlyevaluatingthem. Many of squarely us,alongwith the peoplein our lives,have spentlifetimeswondering why we do the things we do. \7e have never consideredour behaviors as assymptoms and haven't analyzed coping strategies defense our Lacking knowledgeabout mechanisms to hide inadequacy. developed to the role ADD playsin our lives,we resignourselves the "truth" of the assumptions madeabout us-we are indeedlazy,stupidor crazy! If a parent or teachersuspected problem,sheusuallyattributedit to a poor motivation or a dysfunctional of family.Even when a diagnosis hyperactivitywasmadein childhood, the prescriptionwasfor Ritalin and patience."Thke this pill twice a day,Monday through Fridayduring the schoolyear,and wait until you outgrowyour hyperactivity in adolescence."Someof us have beenwaiting a very long time for this miraculouschangeto occur! at have never been evaluated all. The fact is, many of our readers it Although there isn't anything magicalabout a diagnosis, is a vital, Even if you feel fairly initial stepin changingfaulty self-perceptions. you have ADD, you owe it to yourselfto have a complete certain that evaluation. of In the next chapterwe'll look at the process a diagnosticevaluation information that can help you make somedecisionsabout and share the accessing help. As you may guess, diagnosticevaluationof this


Tur Nor So FINE Anr Or CoprNc

ADD adultsis lesswell definedthan that of children. So, you'll need to proceedwith caution in finding the professional you'll work with in this important part of your recovery.


Crteprgn 6


Tn. diagnosis treatmentof a gardenvariety illnessis fairly straightand forward. A throat culture uncoversa strep infection and the patient takesa round of antibiotics and goeson his way.A few dayslater he feelsgreat.He has come to expectthat powerfulantibioticswill quickly and easilyfix his illness.He viewshis medicalcareasa relatively simple process: Symptom s-me dicaI tests-diagno sis- treatment-C URE J The process uncoveringADD is considerably of more complicated. Often, the process never even beginsbecause symptoms behavthe are ioral, not physical.Many peopleview behaviorasthe cause, not the symptom of disorder. usuallygoessomethinglike this: It Behavi s-f aulty as or swnpnons-blnme-pwti shmentPOOR PROGNOSISJ For many,if not most of us,the initial discovery ADD doesn'tcome of from a professional. comesfrom readingan ADDer's life story that It could be our autobiography. comesfrom talking with a friend whose It descriptionof his ADD sounds remarkablysimilar to our own behaviors. It comeswhen our children, who are "chips off the old block", are with ADD. diagnosed Adults in supportgroupstalk of learning about their ADD in all these proways.Most of theseadultssaythey waited a while beforeseeking fessional help to confirm their self-diagnoses. They usedthis time to


I KNow...l TurN<...I HevpADD-WHnI Do I Do Now?

readaboutADD and to examinetheir lives to seeif the information fit their experiences. Unable to find much informarion aboutADD in adults,many resorted readingthe predominantlychild oriented to literature. Your Job as a Mental Health Consumer If you are beginning a similar process self-discovery of your first responsibiliry is to thoroughlyeducate yourselfabout this disorder. Part of vl,r, self-education should include leaming about the professional resources in your community. lfhen you're readyto proceedwith an evaluation, you shouldn't yory firys9rt tlv walkingthloughthe yellow pagesof dD 4t the phone book to find the servi."r yor'rlllneedl recommendthat you conracrthe nearest chapterof an ADD supgroup.The gloyp can give you a list of ADD informed professionPgrt als in your area.Make surethat you askfor namesof professionals who are competentin diagnosing and treating adults.Also askyour local organization put you in touch with other ADD adultswho can tell to you about their experiences with professionals the referrallist. You on may be fortunate to locate an ADD adult supportgroup that can be an invaluable,informal referralnetwork. For help in locating a group in your area,referto the resource in the appendix. list Rememberthat you are the customerand a consumerof mental health services. be an informed consumer, To you need to do your homework beforeyou make ygul first appointment. You need to proceedcarefully because many good therapists have little knowledg. ADD. "to.rt \fhen you.first meer with the mental health professional you have chosen,askasmany questions you want. Ifyou aren't comfortable as with him after your initial meeting,don't hesitatero go on to the next professional your list. Your mental health is too important to entrust on to someone you don't think understands your issues. After the evaluationis completed, sureto request follow-up apbe a pointment to discuss resultsof your testing.If you don'r speiifically the ask,the professional may just senda highly t".h.ti."l report ro you or your psychiatrist. 'We


You MEnNI'u Nor Lezv,Sruproon Cnazv?!

Psychologist or Psychiatrist What's the Difference?

with the mental health profession, If you have had limited experience you may find a confusingarrayof titles: Ed.D.,M.D. Ph.D.,Psy.D., Educational Psychologist, Neuropsychologist, Clinical Psychologist, Neurologist,Psychiatrist Psychologist, Cognitive Psychologist, But a brief clarification It really isn't quite asconfusingas it appears! may of the role of thesevariousprofessionals be in order.The specialties psyEhologists physicians.Although and fall into two broad categories: (psychiatrists) in have expertise testing,the diagnostic somephysicians will This professional be evaluationis usuallydone by u psychologist. Educational Neuropsychology, from the field of Clinical Psychology, A or Cognitive Psychology. neurologistwho is a medical doctor, solrleevaluation,however,is ustimes doesthe evaluation.A neurological disorderor other specific of exceptin cases a seizure ually unnecessary problems. neurological your mental health professional make recomwill After the diagnosis, mendationsabout treatment options and may refer you to someone for else.You can chooseany ADD informed professional subsequent non-medicaltreatmentbut you must consultwith a psychiatrist(Mn1 will prescribe and monitor medifor drug treatment.The psychiatrist or cation in concertwith your psychologist aspart of his own overall treatmentplan for you. The Diagnostic Evaluation ask Parents sometimes how they shouldpreparetheir children for the medicalteststhat will be part of the diagnosticprocess-the blood questionsincethesetesting This is a reasonable testsand brain scans. procedures often part of a medicaldiagnosis. Although blood tests are used work-upsare sometimes aren't included,extensiveneurological with ADD children. In general,this won't be included in the diagattention deficit disorderin an adult. nostic evaluationof a suspected yet, you may alsobe If you haven't gone through the evaluationprocess wonderingwhat to expectduring the testing.After all, the very thought of testsmav strike terror in vour heart!


I KNow...l THrr.rx...l HnvpADD-WHnI Do I Do Now?

. v 2 rv2
r' I

o a

Tests-aren't those things always the we failedlt Well, you may "fail" someof thesetoo, but that'sokay.The testswill be usedfor the right reasons-for knowledgeand discoveryof your strengthsand weaknesses. won't have to cram for thesetestsand You we can't even tell you exactlywhich onesto expect.Eachpsychologist uses slightly differentbatteryof testsfrom a numberof available a choices. Your psychologist will evaluatethe resultsof theseteststo confirm what he has leamed from the history of your problemsand his observations your behavior. of The psychologist usesthe test resultsin much the sameway your physician uses chestX-ray to confirm his diagnosis your pneumonia. a of Although your physicalexaminationand reportedcomplaintsmay stronglysuggest pneumonia,your doctor reduces margin of error by his confirming his diagnosis with the X.ray.


You MrnN I'rrr Nor Lezy.Sruproon Cnazy?!

Since there are no lab testsavailableto confirm the ADD diagnosis, mental health professionals often rely on educationaland psychological testing.They provide a more unbiased, objectivemethod of diagnosis than observation and history alone. Understanding Your Diagnosis Your follow-up appointmentshouldbe a detailed,fact-findingmission. You should ask questionsabout why certain testswere used,what they measured how you compared with the normal rangefor a particular and explainsyour results, for clarification ask test.\Uhen your psychologist if he uses termsyou don't understand. No two ADD peopleare alike. You shoulduseyour follow-up meeting to leam asmuch asyou can about your unique neuropsychological profile. If you leave this meeting armedonly with your checklist of deficits,you'll have only half the information you need.You must also and the positive have a clear understanding your unique strengths of you compensatory strategies alreadyuse. You can't expectto leavethis meetingwith all the tools you'll need to manageyour ADD. You can expect to leavewith specificinformation about your individual strengthsand weaknesses a frameworkof and treatmentoptions. After the Diagnosis-Your Role in Tireatment The homework you did in locating your mental health professional will pay dividendsasyou begin treatment.You must becomean active participant in your treatment,working with your physicianor psychologist to problem-solve. Since information about adult ADD is limited, a flexible,experimentalapproachto treatment is usuallynecessary. If you'regoing to usemedicinein your treatment,it's essential that you establish partnershipwith your physician.Finding the right media There isn't any cation and dosage generallya trial and error process. is magicformula the physiciancan useto determinein advancethe medicine that will work bestfor you. or If your mental health professional becomes defensive patsyou on 'We've find a new one! the headwhen you askquestions offer ideas, or in been contactedbv adultswho can't find informed professionals


I KNow...l TnrNr...lHnvr ADD-\UHaIDo I Do Now?

their areas. should you find in _yourself a similar situation,you may have to seekour someone who is willing to leam! The Practical side of Evaluation and TreatmentWhat's it Going to Costl This discussion wouldn't be completewithout a word about cost.The testingprocess time consumingand can rapidly run up a largebillis the fee for psychological testing."n rurrge from $+OO to$1500. Before committing to testingor treatment,askabout approximate costsand waysto cut cornersif you are uninsuredor on a tight may be able to work out a paymentschedule advan.. if the b"illfor testing in is too largeto pay at one time. Carefullyscrutinize your insurance policy.Somedon't cover or only partially cover psychological services. Somespecifically excludeADD from coverage. \7e don't want to discourage you from s.eking a diagnosisand treatment. You are worth the price even if it melr,r ,kipping your summervacation this year.\fe just want you to be prepared so you can plan and avoid rude financial shocks. In a later sectionyelll talk specificallyaboutvariousrreatmentoptions for ADD adults.Although professional help will likely be an important part of your treatment,we want to focuspiimarily on self-helpwhich is the guiding principle of this book. \7e firmly beiievethat you arecapableof helping yourselfand we want to help you leam how to do it.

Getting Down To Work

Okay, so you know, or feel fairly certain that an Attention Deficit you know you werebom with Disorderis at the root of your problems. the deficits and grew up with them. You know you're different from someonewithout ADD. You know you've learnedvarious notsogreat

wavs coping of with them. ryHAr Do you Do No\r t so

\7ltq, you do now is take a deepbreath, find sometime for yourself and look squarelyar y_our ADD. It is inseparable from who you are. W.lrat you do now is decide that you are worth all the work it will take to recover.


Nor Ll'zv, Sruptoon Cnnzv?! You MenNI't',t



(something stolen, lost, etc.) 1. a)togetback (health, etc.) consciousness, b)to regain losses) for; up 2. to compensate make for(torecover etc. composure, balance, of back 3. a)to get(oneself) toa state control, etc. of (oneself)from stumble, betrayalfeeling, a slip, or b)tocatch save

1980 SimonandShuster, of Neu., WorldDictionary theAmericanlangrage,

oneself-this is getbackconwol udbalance, saqJe To regain, compensate, of you do now. The remainderof this book is about this process what practical and offer recovery.\7e'11move from the theoretical to the that and suggestions can make recoverypossible. specificguidelines 'SUe that requiresa enough that recoveryis a process can't emphasize lot of work. It isn't somethingthat will magicallyhappenafter you read this book. You must commit yourselfto believing that you are worth all the work it will take to recover.


I KNow...l Tunr...l HnvEADD-\fHnr Do I Do Now?

If you'restill reading,we can assume that you'vemadethis important commitment to yourself.You won't be sorry.You have so muctr, offer to and so many talentsto discover!Let'sget startedand take a look at someimportant issues you'll need to consider. ADD is inseparable from who you are. We made rhis observarionat the outsetbut what doesit really mean?ADD is an acronymfor Attention Deficit Disorder. Deficit...?Disorder...? ADD is inseparable If from you are,doesthis mean that disabilityis your only dimensionl *h-to Absolutelynot! Your differences -onlyone part of you. If socieryhas leamedanything are from the effortsof the physicallydisabledto gain equal access, thal it;s we are all peoplefirst. If more rime and energywere spent developing the unique abilitiesof all people,we would have a more productive society. As you learn to help yourself,you must never focusmore on your disabilitiesthan the total personyou are.It's a mistake,however,ro totally ignore your differences. The tricky thing for ADD adults is that maLy oj us grgw up never knowing we had a disability.ADD is inseparablefrom who we are because forgedour senses self arotrndit, we of never knowing it wasthere. Most of us haven't grown up with the benefit of knowing we had a handicap.\7e grew up thinking we just weren't assmart,competentor valuableasother people. Now that you know you have ADD, it should be easyto make a recipe to rum out a grearperson,right?\7e11, doesn'tquite work that way. it You may know intellectuallythat you have ADD. Grapplingwith that knowledgeon an emotional level, however,is a very different and difficult proposition: It is o task of truly accepting thnt you (nen't perfect. You mus! ray good-byeto your old self-image, whareverthat may have been and admit that your problemswon'r go awayby changingyour job, your friends or your spouse. The vaguefeeling you've alwiys had that somethingwaswrong has been confirmed and given a name. What a scaryplace to be-in adulthood, trying to figure out who you'll be


You MpnNI'v Nor Lnzv.Sruprnon Cnnzv?!

when you grow up. Your newly acquiredself-knowledge may be scarybut it's alsoliberating. It offersa wonderful opportunity to take control of your life by looking squarelyat your limits and growing beyondthem. This requirescourage that and time. It requires working through a process self-acceptance of grieving. beginswith \fhen a loved one dieswe can't move on with our lives until we have grievedand moved through the stages shock, anger,denial, bargainof ing and depression. Similarly, when we lose a part of our psychological including an alterationin our self-concept, must grievethe we selves lost sense self beforewe can work on building a new one. You may of not have thought of your ADD in this way,but: Qrieving has to be the beginning of your self-discaeery. works.You may alreadyhave moved Let'stake a look at how the process It through someof the stages. never hurts, however,to regroupand rethink your progress sincerecoveryis an ongoingprocess. Grief-The Shock of Recognition The diagnosisis often both a punch in the stomachand a vindication 'We of yearsof struggleand feelingsof inadequacy. knew something waswrong and now we have the test resultsto prove it. We don't have anymore,living in fear of being found out. \What to feel like impostors a reliefl '20's,my in constant KK: "When I went through psychotherapy my felt different. I alwaysstruggledwith comparingmytheme was that I self to other people,unableto figure out how they could so easilymanagethe things I sweated over. I wonderedif they had somesecretto a which I wasn'tprivy or if they managed accomplish lot at the exto penseof their families. Since I couldn't go to collegeand do much of anything elseat the sametime, I assumed that being a studentmeant giving up everything for outsideschool.I didn't know that it wasjust easier other people. I assumed to that I wastoo self-indulgent acceptthe challenges.


I KNow...l THrNr...l HnvEADD-'ilUunr I Do Now? Do

\7hen I wasdiagnosed with ADD, the relief wasenormous-l was finally able to make sense my struggles. of Having ADD meanr that I wasn'tbad, lazy,unmotivatedor stubborn.It meant that I could look at my life through different colored lenses. could stop filtering my acI complishmentsthrough the expectationsI basedon comparisons to others.I beganto marvel at all I had managed do in spite of a sigto nificant disability. The mid-life crisisI had beenworking on resolveditself when I sheda positive light on the life I had lived ,rp to that point. Although I had gainedpositiveself-esteem a resultof psychotherapy, wasnothing as it comparedto the boost of my changing view of myselfas a heroically struggling adult. I beganto feel lessapologeticfor my shortcomingsand more deserving of help and understanding. Accompanying the relief wasthe hope that I could be fixed now that I finally understood basis my problems." the for PR: "l alwaysstruggled silently with my deficits.Neither my grades in school nor any of my relationshipsever sufferedoutwardly.The only personwho knew I wasa failure wasme. It wasan incredibleburden. The peoplein my life didn't destroyme. I destroyed myselfwith inrense feelingsof inadequacy. Perhapsthe worst period in my life waswhen my little brother died. I was 14 yearsold and into driving my parenrs crazy with my adolescent stuff. Rogerhit a tree when he wassledding and died the next moming. He wasonly 10 yearsold and indisputably the perfect child in my family. He wasso perfect. I wasso imperfect. And he had to die! I knew that it shouldhave beenme. No one ever knew how I felt. To this day,my parenrsdon't know how I agonized over screwingthis one up by not being rhe one who died. Leaming at 39 that I had ADD didn't miraculouslyfree me from my impairedsense seli but it offereda peaceI had never known before. of It wasa relief to know, at leastin my intellectualself,that my feelings had a basis. struggles My camefrom deficitsover which I had no control. The diagnosis alone didn't undo yearsof silent pain bur gaveme a reality I could useto work on readjustingmy self-image.


You MEaNI'v Nor Lnzy.Sruprpon Cnnzy?!

I wish my brother hadn't died but I've been ableto alter my perspectives of his life and mine. Neither of us had more value than the other. His death just happenedand I finally believethat it's okay that it wasn't me instead." Grief: Anger-"Why Me?" The initial smgeof relief and euphoriaoften givesway ro a period of anger.The diagnosisthat freesus from faulty assumptions beginsto feel like an unbearable burden. Factsdon't lie. We are imperfect and it just isn't fair! "Why me?Why did I haueto be born thisway?" "Why did everyone-parents, teacherstherapists-blamemy , dfficultieson depression, of motiuation poorcharacter?" lack or "WhJ didn't somebody believe me?" in "WhJ did ewerybody &ssLlme worst-that I just wasn'ttrying the hardenough?" "Why was I misunderstood reprimanded and whenI was uying my lteartout?" "Why did all those pretendto know more mentalheahhprofessionals " tlwn theyreallydid? 'We may feel furious at the people in our lives who failed to recognize 'We our deficits. understandthat no one knew much about ADD ten or twenty yearsago.But somehow, still feel that if only our parents we had loved and respected enough,they would have figuredit out. us They should have known our problemswere real. \7e often begin to feel helpless and victimized. Grief: Denial-Not Me! Remember Donna?She struggles with her inability to move beyond the intellectunl knowledgeof her ADD to the emotionel knowledge.It's not that sherejectsthe reality of her disorder. She simply deniesits impact on her life. Denial can take several forms.After an initial sense anger, of we might decideto reject the diagnosis, wonderingwhy we ever wasted our money on the evaluation.\7e might, asDonna does,announceto


I KNow...l TurNx...l Hnvr ADD-!7unr Do I Do Now?

friends that we have ADD but then not seektreatment. \7e might pick up our prescriptionfor Ritalin but never useit. \7e might take the medication with the mistakenbelief that we have found the cure for our problems.We move into this new phaseof our lives with rosy fantasies how with the help of our local pharmacyr can conquer of we the world. Regardless the brand of denial we chooseduring this stage, aren't of we dealingyet with the reality of our ADD. We needtime to process our new knowledgeand confront ourselves with our weaknesses. this At early stagein the process recovery we don't recognize facereof the flecting back to us in the mirror: "Th.atisn'tthe person usedto be, I andl'm not readyto figne out who it reallyis."

/ '

,/', , / ,'

You MrnN I'u Nor Lnzy.Sruproon Cnnzy?!

Bargaining-It Can All Be Fixed As we begin to makesense everything,we bargainwith God or fate of to forestallfacing the inescapable fact of our disorder.The deal goes somethinglike this: "lf I'm really good,you'll give me back what I've lost." For many ADD adults the bargainingis around medication that often bringsat leastinitially dramatic,positivechanges. whole world A opensup asthe medication helps us emergefrom lifelong fogt. Sights and soundsthat had previouslydrifted by our conscious awareness are noticed for the first time. \7e are better organized and focused. \7e feel energized with a new sense purposeand feel calmer and happier. of This new tool is a greatbargainingchip. 'We promiseourselves work diligently at pursuingthe right doseof to medication.When we find it, we know that our symptoms will go away.We'll be able to take responsibility our behaviors for and be like everybody else.

This strategyworks for a while until awareness growsthat maybethis isn't the answerto our problems.Our improvedability to pay attention makesus increasinglyawareof our mistakes. \7e grudginglyacknowledgethat our medicinehasn't curedthem. It doesn'tmakeus normal even though we promisedto do everythingright if only the Ritalin would fix us. We begin to notice the drug'suneven symptomcontrol over the courseof the day and our decreased functioning when the drug is at a low level. Our diagnosis vindicatesus from the invalid assumptions peoplehave madeabout us.\Ue'vespentour angerrailing about the injusticeand have taken a steptowardsdealingwith our symptoms. we aren't But fixed. Our bargainingdoesn'twork but we'restill not readyto own our disorder.We still aren't ready to accept that we'll struggle with ADD for the rest of our lives. Reality Sinks In-Depression Our diagnosis supposed free,not imprisonus.But that'soften is to what happensat somepoint in our grief process. adults,we resent As having to relive the identity crisisof adolescence. may not have We


Hnvr ADD-Wunr Do I Do Now? I KNow...l TutNx...l

beendoing greatbeforebut at leastwe thought we knew who we were. At this point depression often setsin. For someADD adultsit retums periodically, threateningto undermineprogress.


set KK: "When depression in, it wascompoundedby the growing certainty that my daughteralsohad ADD. I mixed us up in my mind during that time. Tyrell wasmy bright hope for the future. I put a lot so of energyinto carefullynurturing her self-esteem shewouldn't have that ADD wasat to go through what I did asa child. When I realized the root of many of my problems,I wasfrightened for my daughter. In my stateof gloom,I beganto think that shewasdoomedasI was.If I this problemwasinherited and biological,there wasno escape. agonizedover Tyrell'sfate and my own. I ruminatedabout all the things I couldn't do and all the times I had failed. I relived eachpainful and


You MraN I'v Nor Lazy,Sruproon Cnazy?l

humiliating experience from my past.My positiveattributesand accom. plishmentsceased exisr.There wasrhe triple whammyof feeling to helpless a parent,generallyincompetentand without hope for tle as future. I saidgood-bye many of my dreams, ro both the realisticand the unrealisticones. This stagewasmarked by extremefragility. I constantly burst into tearsand innocent remarksset me off. I laughat it now but just hearing the word "memory"would bring tearsto my eyesbecause reminded it me of my deficits. I sat in church every Sundaytrying to hide the tears streaming down my face." PR: "The relief I felt after my diagnosis wasshort-lived.In the months that followed,it wasreplaced with an assortmenr conflicring feelof ings.Depression one of them. It wasa placeI had frequentlyvisited was during my life. This rime, however,there wasno vagueness about my feelingsof gloom. I had often lived under a cloud of helplessness hopelessness. and The discovery my ADD, however,broughrmy negativefeelingscrashing of down aroundme. I had previouslybeen able to pull myselfout of my black fogsby reasoning that things really weren'rthat bad. My diagnosisbrought this reasoningro a crashinghalt. Things really were that bad! I would never be okay. I alreadyknew that my rhen 8 year old son would never be okay.I vividly recall the moment two yearsearlierwhen my fantasies about R. Jeremyabruptlyended.I sat in the psychologist's office,mentally checkingoff all the things he would never be able to do. Four months pregnantwith a babygirl conceivedafter several yearsof infertility treatments, felt gut-wrenchingrerror for both my children. I Remember brother Roger? my \7ell, I had given my son his name and I had an intense,frighteningfeelingof deia vu.'What awful cursehad I visited on my son?\7ould he alsocome ro someterrible end? Depression in with a vengeance. had previously set I resolved issues my aroundJeremy's deficitsand had accepted imperfections. here his But it wasagain-that damnedADD. This time it wasmine. My feelings


I KNow...l THrNr...l Hevr ADD-WHaI Do I Do Now?

and fearsabout both my son and myselfconverged into somepretty thoughts.Just when I wasgetting a handle on his self-destructive problems, wasfacedwith the reality of my own. I It wasn'teasyto move beyondmy depression. didn't happenoverIt persistence a sense humor, I climbed night. But I did it. With and of out of my deep,black hole again.I decidedI didn't like it in there-it wastoo dark and I'm into bright, open spaces! figuredthat with my I family of four, I was2 down, with 2 to go.I did it twice and if I had to, I could do it again." Out of the Depths-ACCEPTANCE! you If you keepworking on the grief process, will come to a new and place in your life. The stages you will go through are often difbetter ficult and painful but they're essential. \Uhen the going getsrough, don't get discouraged. Visualize whereyou'regoing-to a placewhere you will discoverand learn to useyour valuablegifts. PR: "One day last summera terrible thunderstormrocked our house and terrified my 4 yearold daughter.\Uhen it finally ended there was the an incredibly beautiful double rainbow stretchingacross sky.Alison wasdumbstruckbecause had never seena rainbow.After watching she it a while, she announcedthat shehoped we'd have another bad storm replaced soonso shecould seeanotherrainbow.Her feardisappeared, with her child'soptimism. I've thought often about that storm sinceAlison comfortedherself with the wonderof the resultantrainbows.It may be a cliche but my joumey through my own personalstorm has taught me to believe in the gold at the end of rainbow.It's there. It's real. It's within my grasp. probably alwayshave more stormsthan rainbowsbut I know that I'11 goeswith the territory.I know that my joumey will be an uphill that strugglebut the rewardsare worth *y efforts.I acceptmy son and 'We're myselfaswe are. all we've got, so we'd better make the most of limitless our lives.Those complexand beautifulrainbowssymbolized possibilities. And so do we, my son and I." KK: "l don't remember exactlywhen the depression beganto lift. I

YouMEeu Nor Lezy. I'v Srupro Cnnzy?! on know one sign of my emergence from gloom and doom wasregaining the abiliry to laugh at myself.I joked about starring a new kind of AA group for people like me. I would call it Airheals Anonymous. Understanding that I wasn'tto blamefor the way I was,relievedme of the guilt I had lived with for so long. I wasa valuablepersonwith a disability. I had deficits but they no longer defined who I was.Th"y took their rightful placeasone dimensionof a multi-dimensional person.I beganto feel more confident about my parenting skills and becamelessanxiousabout my daughter's future. I reasoned that if I could make it without any help during my childhood, Tyretl could do even better with support. Coming to terms with my ADD meanr spendingfar lesstime and en. ergyhiding my deficits.I concentratedon understanding rhem without being consumedbv them. I wasfinally free to take chargeof my life and realisticallyassess ir. The months that followed were exciting and productive as I evaluated variouscareeroptions.It became clear that I had a gift for writing and an ability to understand and connectwith people. I wasalreadyusing my peopleskills in my teaching and nursing but realizedthat many of the routine detailsof my work werepainfully difficult for me. I decided to usemy risk-takingability to embarkon a new venrure,althSughit wasn'treadilyapparentwhat it would be! I had been intenselyinterestedin ADD sincemy diagnosis and wanted to specialize it in someway.I just didn't know what direction to in take. I liked the flexibility of teaching and enjoyedmenroring students but sensed that perhaps this wasn'tquite the right niche. I wrestled with the issue securityvs. optimally usingmy interests of and talents. With my newfound sense inner strength, I wassurethat I would of eventually find what I waslooking for. !7hen the answercame,everythingfell in to place.I decidedro write this book and askedP.ggy to join me in this venrure.The project had my name on itl I knew there were millions of peoplesffugglingwith ADD and that there waslimited help availablefor them. This book would be the perfect work choice for me.


I KNow...l THrNr...l HavpADD-Wunr Do I Do Now?

I had impeccable credentials-who could know ADD better than variedbacksomeone who lived with it? I could usemy experiences, groundin educationand mental health and my peopleand writing What skills to work at somethingin which I wasintenselyinterested. a perfectjob! Life still has its upsand downsbut I feel that I'm living it more fully now than I ever could have beforethis journey.Insteadof hiding my weaknesses working at things that are wrong for me, I can now or celebrate gifts." my

In the remaining chaptersof this book, we will offer a frameworkyou The can useto maximizeyour abilitiesand minimizeyour disabilities. 'We focuswill be on what you can do rather than what you can't do. want to help you discoveryour hidden strengthsand talents and celebrate the personyou are. '!7e We don't presumeto have all the answers. can, however,help you formulate the questionsyou need to ask asyou take responsibilityfor your recovery.We shareyour pain and your hope because are strugwe gling alongside you. As you continue on your personaljourney of recovery,considerthe following quote by Cathy Better of Reistertown,Maryland. It appeared and is an empoweringaffirmation in the Commwtity Timesnewspaper availableto you with hard work and a deepcomof the possibilities mitment to yourself. clwnce. Eachday that we awakeis a new start, another Why wasteit on self-pity,slothand selfishnessl of RoIIthnt dny arowrd on yo1,4r tongue,relishthe taste itsfreedom. Breathe deeplyof the morningair, savorthefragranceof opportunity. 24 Rwt your handsalongthe spineof thoseprecious hows in andfeel the suength the sinewutd bone. Life is raw material.We are artisans. into Vle can sculptour enstence somethingbeautiful, it or debase into ugliness. It's in our hands.



Cnapren 7

About Balance, Toyofasl Porsches Circus Wires, theTwelve High and Steps Alcoholics of Anonymous
Dia we get your attention?Are you wondering about the connecrion betweenbalance,cars,high wire acrs,AA, ADD and recovery? lfell, there is a connection and it's an important place to start learning how to effectively manageyour ADD. Balancemay be somethingyou only think about at the end of the month when your bank shtement comes. One of life'slittle joys is a balancedcheckbook.This doesn'rhappen nearly often enough.How many times do you decidethat it isn't worth trying to figureout rhe dis. crepancy-that it's easierto acceptthe balanceyour bank says you have?

"The ADDer's Precarious High Wire Act"


Aeour BaI-nNcE,ToyorAS, PoRscurs, CtRcus HrcH \7rRrs, ANn THe Twr,r-vn Sreps Or AlcoHolrcs ANoNyl,rous As ADDers, achievingbalancein our lives is critical and considerably more difficult to achievethan balancein our checkbooks. What is It's balance? a generalconcept,similarto freedomor success, each that of us definesindividually.Let'sfind out how balanceissues have an impact on the lives of ADD adults. Warning-It's Very Easy for an ADDer to Lose Her Balance! ADD folk have nervoussystems that are erratic and poorly regulated. Rapid thoughtsand an excitablenature are at oddswith a central nervoussystem that can't handle too much input. The paradoxis of an enthusiastic, creativeand impulsiveADD adult who is often driven to get involved in more than shecan handle.Sincehaving ADD means that her basicnature is at war with itsell her life can indeedbe a High Wire Act! Achievement and Less Tangible Goals: There are many waysfor an ADDer to losethe balancein her life. The delicatebalancebetween achievement and other, lesstangiblegoalsis a critical balancingact. Thesedaysit seems that many feople feel they live on fast-moving treadmillsthat lack off switches. Careers up family time and escaeat lating demands createpressure cookerenvironments. Unlike peoplewho react to this pressure with mild stress symptoms, ADDers can fall apartcompletely. coursethis is often a first, essenOf tial steptowardrecovery. Falling apartcan be the equivalentof an alcoholichitting "rock bottom". For somealcoholics, rock bottom is getting a DUI citation. For others,it is a string of DUI's, a divorce, unemploymentand hitting skid row. As awful asrock bottom may seem at the time for an alcoholic or an ADDer, it's often the startingpoint for a new and better life. It beginsthe recoveryprocess because its awfulness forcesthe personto make somechanges. Structure and Freedom: To keep ourselves from falling off our high wire, many of us alsoneed a properbalanceof structureand freedom. We ADDers often balk at the structurewe desperately need.A tendencyto becomeeasilyover-stimulated meansthat chaotic lifestyles can get us into trouble.On the other hand, lives routinizedinto dullnessby too much regimentationdon't provide sufficientchallenge.


You MrnN I'v Nor Lnzy,SruproOn Cnnzy?!

know that an ADD child needsextemally imposedstructurero thrive. \7hen shebecomes adult, shecontinuesto need limits but an has to provide them for herself.Adults are expectedto managetheir own lives.The challengeis to establish balancethat offersorderwitha out stifling creativity,one of many ADD adulm'bestattributes. Ways of ThinH.g, Activity Levels, Emotions and Needs: ADD brainsand nervoussystems often out of balancewith behavior are swingingrapidly from one extreme to rhe other. An ADDer tends ro excesses, alternatingbetweenboutsof workaholismand sluggish inactivity. Her moodsswing up and down and her performanceis erratic. The following list outlinessomeof thesebalanceissues that can cause you to loseyour footing on the high wire: Work vs. Play Do you tend to get over-involved in one or the other and have trouble shifting gears ? Your Needs vs. Others' Are you obliviousto the feelingsand points of view of othersor do you always put yourselfdeadlast? Over vs. LJnderstimulation !: What is your optimal level of srress, noise,work and challenges? Hyperactivity vs. Hypoactivity Are you so active that you drive others crazy do you vegetate or most of the time?This includessleepand restpattemsaswell as daily activity levels. Detailed vs. Global Thinkittg Do you get caughtup in too much detail unableto seethe forest for the trees,or do you tend to focuson the gestaltor whole picture?If you focuson big picrures, you have troublekeeping do track of details? Depression vs. Euphoria Are your moodsout of balancewith too much sadness excessive or happiness? you swingbetweentheserwo extremes? Do



Aeour BalnNcE, ToyorAS, Ponscues, Ctncus HtcH'WtnEs, ANo TnE TwEr-vp SrEps Op Ar-coHot-rcs ANoNvvrous

The Value of Examining Balance Issues

It's easyfor your balancein eachof theseareas becomeskewedin to either direction at differenttimes.Altemately, you may find yourself regularlyswingingerraticallyfrom one extremeto the other. The point of examiningeachof theseareas that imbalancein any of them can is problems your mental health or family life. cause for \Uhat's the connectionwe mentionedbetweenbalance,Tovotasand Porsches? somerespects, ADD adult is designed In the like a Porsche. She is spirited,dynamic,powerful,exciting and readyto go with the rapid acceleration an expensive of sportscar.Her non-ADD peersare more like the family Toyota.Equallywell engineered, this Toyotahas a more "even temperament." is designed comfort, reliability and It for fuel efficiency.If the ADD adult is to maintain and maximizethe high performance her Porsche, has to take especially good careof of she herself. 2 One of the bestwaysyou can do this is to work on achievingbalance in your life. Having a well-balanced lifestyleis akin to taking good careof your car.It subjects system lesswearand tear.To usethe the to metaphoragain,working on balanceis similar to continually tinkering with and tuning up your car.If you want to keepyour whole system in working order,you'll have to make on-goingadjustments. With limitations they can't ignore,ADDers who recovermay well lead the rest of societyto a sanerway of life. Competenceand levelsof achievement have becomethe societalstandard that measures pera son'sworth and success life. Thosewho are "unproductive"due to in age,health, or disabilityhave beendevaluedbecause they don't "measureup". Societyno longervalueschildren or the agedas it previously did. A shockingnumberof children sink into poverty while stressed caregivers abuse many seniorcitizens. This philosophizing isn't just the wanderingof creativeminds but relatesdirectly to achievingbalancedlives.You have a unique opporruyour success nity to redesign model and get off the ctazy treadmill everyoneelseis on.


You MreN I'v Nor Lazy.SruproOn Cnazy?!

If you pay attention to the messages your body and soul,you'll realize of that you can't be all or do it all. If you work at your recovery, you can useyour new self-knowledge designa life that really worksfor you. to You can be at peacewith yourselfand your environmentwhile the rest of the world skyrockets out of control. 'We've alreadytalked about the connectionbetweenbalance,carsand high wire acts.Now let'sconsiderthe last part of this chapter's titleAlcoholics Anonymous-as we move from generalconceptsro practical applications achievingbalancein your life. for

How,To's of Achieving Balance

To help you get started,we're going to borrow the invaluableframework of the Twelqte Sreps '\boholics Anonymous. of Although this program specifically refersto alcohol and alcoholics,it's possible substitute to virtually any chronic problemor disability.A variety of suppoftgroups have adoptedthis frameworkwhich is a soundprogramfor crearinga balancedlife. Briefly,the programis a systematic plan for acknowledging limitations to oneselfand others,making amends otherswheneverpossible to and coming to a greaterself-acceptance.Working progranmeansmaking the a commitment to follow rhe sreps daily life. in The Twelve Steps of A.A.'a l.'We admittedwe werepowerless over alcohol-thatbur lives had becomeunmanageable. 2.Came to believethat a Powergrearerthan ourselves could restoreus to sanity. 3.Made a decisionto tum our will and our lives over to the care of God aswe understood Him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, to other human beingsthe and exact nature of our wrongs. 6.'Wereentirely readyto have God removeall thesedefects of character. 7. Humbly askedHim to removeour shortcomings.


Aeour BalaNcE, ToyorAS, Ponscups,Clncus HrcH'WIRES, ANn TUE TwElvr SrEpsOp Ar-coHolrcs ANoNyvous 8. Made a list of all persons had harmed,and became we willing to make amendsto them all. 9. Made direct amendsto suchpeoplewhereverpossible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 10. Continued to take personalinventory and when we were wrong,promptly admitted it. I 1. Soughtthrough prayerand meditation to improveour conscious contact with God aswe understood Him, praying only for knowledgeof His will for us and the power to carry that out. 12. Having had a spiritualawakeningasthe resultof theseSteps, we tried to carry this message alcoholics, to and to practice theseprinciplesin all our affairs. Using The TWelve Steps for Your Personal Recovery from ADD The stepsareframedarounda central conceptof spiritualawareness that has relevance ADDers. It's the glue that holds all the stepsof for the programtogetherso that peaceand self-acceptance be achieved. can Spiritual awareness isn't specificto organized religion. The Twelqte Steps "God as we und"erstnndhim'i carefully talk about leaving the specificsto the individual. The word "God" can be replaced with a more generalized"higher power" that has meaningfor each individual. The higher power could be the fellowshipof other alcoholics(or in our case,other ADDers) or the whole of mankind. The idea is to focuson something greaterthan ourselves and realizethat we c&n'tgo it totallyalone.The SerenityPrayersumsup this philosophy: GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN, AND THE \TISDOM TO KNO\y THE DIFFERENCE. Closelyrelatedto spiritualawareness integralto the programis and the issue morality and wrongdoing.For the alcoholic,this issue a of is critical part of her recovery. Typically the alcoholismhas caused havoc in the lives of her friendsand family and shemust assume responsibility for her actions.This includesmaking amends eachof the people to shehasdirectlv hurt.


You MraN I'v Nor Lazy.SruprnOn Cnezv?!

Theseissues aren't relevantto your recoveryfrom ADD exceptasthey relateto thoseaspects selfyou can change.For instance,if you've of learnedto usesomemaladaptive coping mechanisms that have hurt other people,you shouldtake responsibihty your behaviors for and make appropriate amends. The issueof powerlessness detailed in the first three steps,however,has a direct implication for you asan adult with ADD. It meansthat you are powerless over your ADD in that it isn't anyone's fault and can't be cured. Applying thesestepsin your own life meansthat you need to stop blaming your parents,spouse, children and yourselffor the problemscaused by your ADD. This doesn'tmean that you absolve yourselffrom all responsibility your behavior.It meansthat you acknowledge for the reality of your imperfectself.Confronting your powerli:ssness includes an admission that you can't do it all-you arehuman and have unique limitations. If you have begunyour process grief,you may alreadybe of confronting and working at acceptingyour limitations. The fourth principle alsohas significance you asan ADD adult. for This stepinstructsthe individual to take amoral inventory.This should be similar to the one you developfor your homeowner's renter's or insurance. Rather than noting the condition and value of possessions, you shouldexamineand list your assets, abilitiesand your liabilities, or or disabilities. Your inventory is central to your recovery. Since your ADD can't be cured,your goalshouldn'tbe to eliminate your deficits.Insteadit should be to identify, accept and manage them. A failure to confront your limitations can result in damaged emotional and spiritualhealth and a diminishedsense self.Later in this discussion, of we'll offer somesuggestions abouthow to compile this important inventory.

Evaluating Balance Issues in Your Life

We talked earlier in this chapter about general balance issuesthat can be important for you as an ADD adult. Now it's time for you to think about the balance in your own life. The following is a list of questions


Aeour BalRNcE, Toycrr.\s, PonscHrs, CtRcus HrcH'W'IRes, ANn Trrp Twgr-ve SrEnsOr AlcoHot-rcs ANoNyvous you can useto get started.\-.,u may never have really thought about someof them and may not be irbleto answer of them right now. But all keepthgm in mind throughoutthe discussion this chapter.If you try in someof the thingswe suggesr, may be ableto answer \'ou them later. 1. \Yhat is your daily/weekly work capacity? 2. How much sleepand restdo you need,including "down time" when there are no demands placedon you1 3. What is your financial bottom line-how much income do you requireto maintain an acceptable standard living? of 4. How much time shouldyou devoreto family and friends? 5. \7hat must you do to renewyourselfspiritually,not just in the sense religion but regarding of anything rhar givesyour life ' meaning? 6. How much and what kind of recreational activitiesare critical for your well-being? 7. How long can you work efficientlywithout a break? 8. What obligationsmusryou fulfilll 9. What things are cluttering your life and shouldbe eliminated? 10. How much time do you spenddaily on self-mainrenance: grooming,dressing health carel or

Is Your Life in Balance?

You probablyknow that "a11 work and no play makes Johnny a dull boy."A balancedlife must include time for work, relarionships, spiritual renewal,recreationand rest.In today's fast track, dual .ut"". society, the pressures suchthat even calm, well-organized beco fraz. are folk me zledasthey arremprto find time for everything. Th9 jugglingact is dauntingfor you asan ADD adult. If you just go with the flow, lou're likely to find yourselfdrifting in directionsthat aren't particularlyhelpful. You can ger immersed work and forget in that you have a family or allow your socializingar work to interfeie with the quality of your performance. Since you'redistractibleand have an elasticsense time, you can't expectto let balancetake care of of itself.You have ro carefullydesignit.


You MrnN I'rr,r Nor Ltzv, SruproOn Cnnzv?l

Conduct Your Own One Rat Study To answerthe questions posedabout the balancein your life, we you'll need to conduct your own research experiment.It shouldinclude a daily log that tracksyour activitiesfor several weeks. Write down everythingyou do and how much time it takes.Also keep track of the difficulty of eachtask or evenr. Rate the difficulty on a scaleof one ro ren. If you have trouble deciding how to rate something, pay attention ro stress indicators. !7hat happens when you facetoo many demands? Somepeople react to stress with muscletensionor headaches. Othersbecome initable or start tuning out. \ilAat is your pattem of sffess indicators? \7hen your diary is complete,examineit for observable pattems. Did your stress indicatorsincrease after a certain length of time on a task?If so,you have discovered how long you can work without a breakor a shift to anotheracrivity. In similar fashion,you can begin to estimateyour overall daily and weeklywork capacity. By keeping track of stress symproms and altering the number of hours you work, you can determinehow long you can work efficiently. Don't neglect the other areas your life when you analyze of your diary.Doesexercise seemto lower your stress level and improve the quality of your work?What about the time you spendwith your family? Make a Personal Schedule It's time to developa tentative weeklyschedule that includesan estimateof the time it takesto do eachactivity. As you pencil in time estimates your schedule, very careful.Referto your diary on be to find out how long it took to completevarioustasksand factor in extra time. Doubling your esrimate everythingexceprsleepwill for give you a cushionfor unexpected eventsand the distractions that inevitably derail ADDers. 'We can almostguarantee that after the first week,you'll decidethat your schedule unworkable!You will probablyfind that everything is you neededto do didn't fit into your time frames. \7e bet that if you did manageto stayon schedule, you were frazzledbythe end of the week.


Aeour BalnNcE, ToyorAS, PonscHEs, CiRcus HrcH'WrRr.s, ANo Tue TwEr-vESreps Op AlcoHoI-rcs ANoNyvous Your life is out of balancebecause you'retrying to fit too much into it! This includesnot just the quantity of activitiesbut an accumulation of demands your capaciq for work and stress. on After you'verecovered from the shockof recognizing impossibility doing it all, you'll the of need to reviewyour schedule with the goalsof slicing and dicing itl The demands your life needto match your capacityand abilities on and alsofit into the time you have available. How do you get started figuring out what to cut outl In the next section,we'll get back to the moral inventory we talked about earlier.This will be the placefor you to start.

AnalyziurrgPersonal Strengths and Weaknesses

Although we wouldn't presume minimize the enormoustask of reto coveringfrom alcoholism,in somerespecrs might be easier it than recovering from ADD. As an ADD adult, your flawsare lessapparenr than thoseof the alcoholic's and may thereforebe somewhateasier ro deny and ignore.You have the power ro take control of your life by looking squarely your limits. at Acknowledging your limits offersan opportunity for you to grow far beyondthem. By limiting the activitiesthat stress your fragileskills, you will free up energyand time for thoseyou do well. It's time for you get busyon your moral inventory to help you better understand your strengths and weaknesses. the following questions an outline Use as for this important job. What Can I Do Welll This first questionmay be the hardestto answer!Membersof our local adult supportgroupwere initially stumpedwhen they tried to describe someof their strongpoints. Severalexpressed that they couldn't think of anything positivebecause they wereso accustomed focusingon to their mistakes. Over time, it becameapparentthat there wasindeeda wealth of talent amongus.After several months,groupmembers gradually becamelesstentative about their strengths. If you have a similar problem,we suggest that you work first on enlarging your thinking aboutwhat constitutesan asset. instance,as For


You MEaNI'v Nor Lnzy,SruproOn Cnezy?!

someof our groupshared particulartalentsin their jobs,one participant (we'll call her Sarah)wasinitially apologetic aboutnot working outsidethe home. As the sharingcontinued in subsequent meerings, becameapparenr it that Sarahwasa virtual geniusat living a balanced life. She had conductedher own elaborate"one rat study" to determineher work capacity. She addedup all the mental and physicaltasksperformedin a typical week to arrive at a total numberof working hours.Her calculationswerevery precise. Sarahdeterminedthat travel time to her son'sschoolconferenceconstitutedwork and time spentat the support group wasleisure.She informed the group that she didn'r counr rhe time it took her to get dressed the moming-but if shehad to change in into her grass cutting clothes during the day,she counted it aswork! Sarahspentseveral weekstracking her signsof sffess shemanipulated as the numbersof hours she worked in a given week.At the end of her study,she concludedthat she could work no more than fifty hours a week without exceeding acceptable levelsof stress. Since shealready had two children, motherhoodwasn'ran oprional role but sheknew that shecould makedecisions abouther other roles. She realized that shecould only manage part time job outsidethe a home but didn't wasteenergyfretting about the loweredfamily income. Instead,sheturned her creativetalentsto devisingstrategies living for well on lessmoney.She growsmuch of the family'sfood in a backyard garden,swimsin a smallpool dug with family labor and barterswith friendsfor other goodsand services. Shb carefullyconsiders impact the of labor and money decisionson the family systemnot only asfinancial expenses, alsoasthe cost and value of energyand time. but The resultis a family that is truly in balance.Sarah,whoseparricular gifts aren't easyto measure defineby societalstandards, extremely or is successful. could be a valuableconsultantto manv harried. sffessed She families. \7hen you make your list of things you do well, go beyondthe obvious. Many of us with ADD measure personal worth by the yardstickof peoplewith more orderlyor ordinarylives and minds.I7e consider


Aeour Bala.NcE,ToltrrAs, PonscHes,Ctncus HtcH V/tRrs, ANo THp TwEr-vESrEpsOp AlcoHolrcs ANoNyvous ourselves successful we plav tennis or golf well, have careers if with a steadyupwardclimb and pert,rrmtasksefficiently.Remember, abilour ities are often more offbeat l KK: "My youngerbrotherhasADD and is a mechanicalgenius. \fhen he wasa kid, he got in mega-trouble because alwaystook things he apartand neglected pur them back together.He did, however,have to a talent 'We wasvery useful.He could figure out how ro open any kind that of lock. always calledon him when family members had locked their keys in the car. He wasa lifesaverwhen my dad who worked for Colt firearmsaccidentally locked my Aunt Mary in a pair of police handcuffsone Friday night. Unfortunately, the key was in Dad'soffice that wascloseduntil Monday morning. Aunt Mury would have spent a very uncomfortable weekendhad my brother not come to her rescue !

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My brother would have madea grearburglarbut he might alsohave tumed his unusualtalent into somethingboth income-producing and legal! I don't know. Maybehe could have designed securirysystems. Actually, he becamea chef who happensto have many other untapped talents. \fhen I was23 yearsold and doing my own self-assessment, iniI was tially hard-pressed figureout what I did well. A string of failures to had left me wonderingif I had any abilitiesat all. I sidestepped the questionof my abilitiesby taking a look at what I liked to do. Identifying my talentsfollowed logicallyfrom this startingpoint. The first item on my list wasthat I liked to spendtime talking with my friends.I realized that not only did I like it, I wasalsogood at it. Peopleoften called on me for help when they were in trouble or feeling unhappy.Bingo! I realized that I wasan effective,albeit untrained, therapist. I addedmy love of readingto my list. I realized that besides books,I loved readingpeople and trying to undersrand them. My list grewro include attributessuch asmy toleranceand acceptance others'faults of and my problem-solving skills." \fhen you begin working on your own list, try srarringwith the things you like to do. Since we often preferactivitiesthat comeeasiest us, to you may find yourselffocusingon your talentswithout even realizing it. Include asmany things asyou can. Don't limit yourselfto standard or marketable skills suchasbeing a computerwhiz or a good dancer.If you can tie a knot in a cherry stemwith your tongue,include it on your list. If your talent is playing the Star-Spangled Banneron your reerh, don't hesitateto write it down. Theseabilitiesmight nor have any apparentvalue. But somecreativethinking can lead to somesurprising uses seemingly for useless sffangetalents! and What Can I Do Adequatelyt Your downhill skiing talentsmay not exactlyqualifufor an Olympic gold medal.If you can manage, however,to ger down the hill in one piece, add this item to your inventory. \fhat about the costumes you sewed your daughter's for schoolplay?Maybesomeof the seams ripped


Aeour BaleNcE, Toyt.T.\s, PonscHrs, CtRcus Htcrr 'WtREs, ANo Tue TwElvr Sl.i.. Or Ar,cc>Hot-tcs ANoNyvous apart and had to be pinned rtrggl|-t.r the performance you did for but manageto get the twenty-fivc Ctrslpp"ssewedtogether. well. fh" point is, you shouldincluJc eachthing you can do reasotwbly Theseactivitiesmay not L'e\'t'rur tavoritethings to do and they may not be a showcase your tale hut at leastyou can get by with them. of nt, If you area mediocre tennispl.rver, includeit aslong asyou don't play so poorly that you facehumiliation eachtime you stepon the court. If cooking is fairly routine and unexciting but edible,it belongsin Y-our this category. What Can't (or Shouldn't) I Dol This final sectionof your inventory is extremelyimportant because it will help you makedecisions about the things you shouldsimply srop -by doing.- you remember Do Debrawho tries to hide her deficits doing everything? Not only doesshetry to do everything,shetries to do everythingbrilliantlyl Of course, continuatlyfeelsstressed she and inadequate due to her unrealisticexpectations. Even_if you aren't trying to do it all, you areprobablytrying to do things you shouldn'tdo. You may be a whiz in mathematics that doesn'i but necessarily mean that you shoulddo your income rax preparation. Do you really have time to fit this in ro your schedule shouldyou pay or an accountantto do it? \7hat about thosethings that really aren'r your fort6?If you are experiencing failure when your effortsdon'r accomplishwhat you want them to, perhaps your only failure is in trying to do someof thesethings at all. No one can be wonderFul everything. at Many ADDers try so hard to be normalthat they are unrealisticabout the_ir capabilities. playingsoftballalways If resul$ in an agonizingly embarrassing experience, don't do it-even if your three closest friends pressure into joining them for this grearpasrime. you Bland, rarher tasteless mealsare acceptable if you repeatedly but burn down major sections your kitchen, it's time to reevaluate of your cooking. Theseactivitiesshouldbe addedro your Can'tlshouldn'tDo list. As you examineyour assets liabilities,be honestabout your weakand 'S7e nesses. certainlydon't encourage you to focusexclusively your on deficits.But through the process examiningand identifying rhem, of


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Cuapren 8

lnterfacing Action: ln ln Groups Friendships and

Tttit chapter marksa changein direction from the first part of this book. In educationaljargon, the information in the first sevenchapters wasReadiness. were providing information that will be the basis \7e for everything that follows. Since we want to be effective teachers, we need to remind you to periodicallyreview someof the old materialas you continue your reading.\7e will usethe moral inventory againso if you haven't completedit, we hope that you have at leastbeen thinking about it.\7e hope that at a minimum, you've addedit to your To Do list! In precedingchapterswe talked about the impact of ADD on other peoplewithin the context of specificsymptoms, differences and defense going to examinethe impact of ADD specimechanisms. Now we're fically within the context of relationships. We've borrowedfrom computerterminologyin naming chapters eight through ten. The term "interfacing" is usedto describe communication betweencomputers.!7e think the term capturesthe essence the of issues "getting along". of Although much of the focusof thesethree chaptersis interfacing and communication,we'll alsoconsiderrelatedissues. Chapter 9, for In instance,we'll examine variousfactorsthat have an impact on an ADDer's ability to "relare"to his iob responsibilities. Now that you know whereyou'reheadingin your reading,let'sget busyexamining interfacingin action. We all interact daily with other people.When we talk on the phone, participatein a meetingor sharedinner with a friend, we're relating


You MreN I'rvr Nol Lxzv.SruprpOn Cnezv?!

whether brief, of with other people.The success theseinteractions, largelyon depends or relationships, one-timeencounters long-lasting communicationskills. adequate Virtually everything we do asmembersof the human race is a form of communication.Volumeshave beenwritten about the art of effective focuson its importance Family and marriagetherapists commLlnication. open. and attempt to help people keep the linesof communication skills. on commr.Lnicanon Based all the College courses teach posinue that it of attention given to issues communication,one can assume more complexand difficult than simply talking! must be considerably if you alreadyknew that. Relationships would be a breeze Of course fall this werethe case.In reality,even the briefestof interactionscan So apart through a misunderstanding. let's take a brief look at the dyof namicsof communicationasa startingplacefor our discussion interactionsand relationships. We interact with eachother by transmittingour thoughts,feelings, In and desires through the medium of language. its simplestform, languageinvolvesspeaking and listening:I talk and you listen and you how lantalk and I listen. Soundssimple,doesn'tit? To understand guageis anything but simple,we'll considercommunicationin the world of computers. Communication in the Computer World many different With the explodingtechnologyof the pastthirty years, have becomeavailableand arealmostindispensable kinds of computers for personal use. and busindss \il/ith the arrival of modemsand netrapidly sendmail electronically. don't have to \7e working, computers '!7e wait for the US PostalServiceto deliver a letter two dayslater. else's can instantly sendthe report on our computerscreento someone through telephonecabling. This capabilityhasbeen limited by communicationproblemsidentical to the onesencounteredby German who tries to speakto an Amer" because they speakdifferent languages. ican. They can't communicate greatstrides have been madein developing In the world of computers) lanof that bridgesthe capabilities dissimilarprogramming software \ 148

INrEnrRcrNcIN AcrroN: IN GnsunANo


guages. Macintoshes and IBMs, for example,usehardwareand programmedlanguages can usea unique to eachof them. Both computers package calledMicrosoftWordtM, but their word processing software "brains" (hardware)can recognize programonly if it written in their the "language".Beforethe advent of specialsoftwareprogramsthat own of translatethe unfamiliar language one computerfor the other, Macs and IBM's were unable to interfaceand communicatewith each other. they may be unable have the samehardware, Even when two computers to communicatewith each other if they don't usethe samesoftware. softwareMacFor instance)a Macintosh that usesthe word processing 'lTritet*, hasn'tbeenableto reada letter formattedin Microsoft\Uordt* are because programminglanguages different the hardSimilarly,peoplecome in differentmodelswith individualized information Each of our brains processes ware and softwarepackages. of softwarethat can't readthe language other differently and uses people.If an IBM lacksthe capabiliryof talking to a Macintosh,it simply in worksby itself and doesits own thing. When differences programming makecommunicationbetweenpeopledifficult, we still have to interwe face with each other because sharethe world ashuman beings.

The Art and Science of Communication

Although Mom and Dad often frantically try to figure out exactly what theirone second infant is alreadycommunicating. oLd the crying signifies,, real language, uses he squeals, Long beforethe growingbabyacquires gestures facial expressions "talk". to and problemor a specificlanguage most disability, Unlesswe have a speech of of us learn to talk fairly early in our lives. We learn the science communication rather effortlessly. learn to pronouncewords correctly !7e and to usethem to communicateour needs. is often considerably more difficult to leam. The art of commuLnication rely on a mastery interactionswith the taxi driver or a spouse Successful of this art form. Similar to a painting, communicationcan be designed that includes a and interpretedin a variety of ways.It sends message of multiple elements form, color intensity and shading,subtlety,and


You MpnNI'u Nor Lezv.SruprnOn Cnazv?!

detail. Unlessyou are an art aficionado,you may walk awayfrom an abstractpainting asconfusedasyou are after someconversations. An adult with ADD can have real problemswith communication and relationshipsbecause rulesof the art form continually change.As the he tunesin and out, his deficits interferewith his ability to truly underHe stand the meaning of conversations. may communicatemessages he he never intended and misinterpret the messages receives. The Rhythm of Language Unlike a painting, communication isn't a static art form. It has rhythm to and movement.\7e have to synchronizeourselves its flow and to know where, when and how much to contribute to a conversation. has many elements.It includesa Similar to a ballet, a conversation proper time to make an entrance, an awareness what others are of doing, allocation of time for a solo and rulesfor executinga graceful finale and exit. Many of us could really usesomedancing lessons! Verbal and Nonverbal Communication In Communication is an interplay of wordsand body language. general, to peoplefrom one country usewords incomprehensible foreigners. Peoplein the samecountry may speakdifferent dialectsdependingon the ethnic group or areathey come from. It has alsobeen suggested that men and women speakdifferent languages. ADDers and non-ADDers alike differ in their ability to read the interplay of verbal and body language. someof us, the additional clues For help rather than hinder our communication skills. of body language 'We gestures facial expressions fill in the gaps to and can useobservable of wordswe would otherwisemisunderstand. Others may graspthe precisemeaningof spokenwordsbut misunderDuring a visit to Australia, stand the message non-verbal language. of by PresidentGeorgeBushheld up his fingersin the "V" recognized Americans as the classicsymbolof victory. Much to his chagrin, he learnedthat an Australian usesthe "V" to communicatethe same thing as an American holding up his middle finger! PresidentBush really should have taken a crashcoursein the Art of I'lonuerbalComrrundcation beforehe madehis historic blooper!


INrERrRcrNcIN AcrtoN: IN GRoups ANo FRtpNosHtps


' '/


/rz\ \ I/'- I


Communication is fraught with the potential for misunderstanding. You may know the meaning of the words,"You should leave" but your will vary accordingto your ability to usethe art of communresponse you might respond, ication. If you rely only on the words themselves, "Yes,I probably should get going." But what about the accompanying body language? You should leave: The speakeris relaxedand smiling. He looka at his that it's time for your next class, watch and realizes you SHOULD leave. He is enjoying the con' so versationbut is concemed that you'll be late. movescloseto you and his face is You should leave: The speaker He expresslonless. looks at his watch and says angrily that YOU should leave. He isn't at all concemed about your punctuality. And at the moment, he doesn'tcare much about leaving for his classeither. He wants Torlout. NO\f!


You MrnN I'v Nor Lazy,SruproOn Cnazy?l

You should leave: The speaker backsawayfrom you and his eyesare little more than slits.His mouth is set and his lips barelymove ashe grabsar his watchbandand hisses that you should LEAVE. The message is that you've done enoughalready-he doesn'twant you to breathe,flinch or talk. He wantsyou ro IBaqte never,ever rhink of coming back! and \7e think you get the message. Words,voice inflections,facial expressions,gestures, body postureand positioningall communicatesubtle (or not so subtle!) messages. ADDer can repeatedly An facesocial slipperyspotsashe attemptsto negotiarearoundthe obstacles sucto cessful communication.Let'sexaminejust two particularlydangerous hazards beforewe move on to issues variousrelationships our lives. of in

Hazard-Social Slippery Spots!

Social Slippery Spot #l-Basic Manners: We would venture ro saythat most of us with ADD need to proceedvery cauriously this in 'We're area. not sayingthat ADDers have comered the market on bad manners.But societalconventionsof politeness can be hazards because of our particulardifferences. W"henpeopletalk aboutgood manners,rhey'reusuallyalking about rule-govemed speech and behavior.Grandparents bragaboutlheir well. manneredgrandchildand teachers admonishtheir studentsto show better manners. Good mannersrequireadequate communicationskills that include an ability to monitor behaviorind pay closearrenrionro detail. Since theseskills can be shakyin an ADDer, he may behavein an unmannerlyfashion,making enorsof both omissionand commission: \ "I Teacher: will thankJou to keepthose opinions yourself to !" "Oh, you'rewelcome!" You: womnn whose in "WeII, excuse me!" Dlace line you just tookoqter: You: "Oh, aml in yourway?" An ADDer may fail to say,"Excuseme" when he jostlessomeone (omission)and interrupt and monopolize (commission). conversations He probablyknows the rules,but haphazardly appliesthem. Since


INrERpactNclN At:rtoN: IN Gnoups ANo FRtENosHtps

theseskillsmay not comenaturally to him, he needsto make a coneffort to learn and practicethe behaviorexpectedof adultsin scious our society. KK: "'W'henI first lived awayfrom home, I rememberbeing shocked that the rest of the world didn't function the way my family did. Since by most of my family wasaffectedto somedegree ADD, we developed on a styleohnq"ruction based behaviorthat camenaturally to us.Mealtimes were a free-for.all,with everyonetalking at once and no one listening.Interruptingwasnormal behavior.It wasa revelationto discover that mosrpeopletake tums talking and listening to eachother!" PR: "The ADD Council'shot-line coordinatorrecentlyshareda huwith a repeatcaller with me. He had a conversation morousanecdote who usuallyspokewith one particular phone volunteer.When he that suggesred the caller speakwith the volunteershehad previously spokento, shereplied,"Oh, I don't have enoughtime to talk with "Melissa".She'sbeen a greathelp but she'll talk so much and keepme on rhe phone so long that I'll forgetthe one questionI neededto ask!" I don't know who the phone volunteerwas,but it could have been do, me! As ADDers sometimes if I'm not careful,I can get carried conversation.I becomeso involved with sharing awaywith a one-sided that I forget the cardinal rule of effective my advice and experiences communication:LISTEN ING ! fall I have gorrenmuch better at this but sometimes into old habits.I to put my hand over the mouth pieceof my phone to have sometimes the cue myselfto stop talking. Perhaps Council'sphone line coordina' tor shouldteach this trick to his talkative volunteer!" Even if an ADDer avoidsclearlyrude actionsand bad manners,his social of life can be hamperedby the generalfogginess ADD. He may be un' able to clear the cloudssufficientlyto really connect with other people. cadet!".. . He "ls anyonehome?".. ."Earthto Mark!". . ."'Whata space dreamythat he doesn'tseemto exist in the real may be so vagueand world. He may be ridiculed for being out to lunchor rebukedfor caring only


You MraN I'vrNor Lezv,SruprpOn Cnnzy?!

abouthimself.He doesn'tmean to be rude or uncaringbut his failure to respondcan look like selfishness. social slippery spot #z-Tye lelephone: A greatdeal of daily communicationis conductedby telephone.Telephones a grear are invention but do to It's !h"y sometimes a terrible disseivice ADD"ers. not that we fail to appreciate convenience, we'renot too crazy the but about the uncanny ability of a telephonero changeou.p.rronalities! .H""-" you ever met someonefor the first time after talking to him only --' by phone and been amazed the difference? by Can rnir Utight,f"r.inating personreally be the samecharacterwho seemed roi"il on the telephone? What about the sparklingtelephoneconversationalist who becomes almostmute in face-to-fu.J..counters? a changein our dispositions. Th: telephonecan alsocause remarkable Perhaps you can identify with this phenomeno" 6f Telep,hone-Tiansformation: PR: "l sufferfrom TTTS: Testy,Telephone Tyrant syndrome! A ringing telephonecan transformme into a mean,confrontationalp.rro"] !f you are the unfortunate individual who walks into the ,oo* when I'm o1 the phone, you will endurescathinglooks.If you ,*k" th" mistakeof making noiseor talking to me, yJu'[ ..rdur" f", ra,orr.. Simply stated,I-getnastylMy children w"t.h in continual amazement their as relativelyeven-tempered mother transforms into a screamingmeanie! I have never understood powerthis inanimateobject wields.\7hen the the phone rings,I instantlv go into a sranceof defenr. o, aitack. I elsewill answerthe incessanr ringing. After the ryait,hoping someone third or fourth ring, I relucta.-rly answerit, after,,i..i?rg that "Nobody better interrupt me during this call.,' If my *;r;;g goes unheeded,my family is in for the asia,.rlt the telephone-iyr".rtl" of KK: "Beforeeither of us knew anything about ADD, my husband usedto accuse of having a disease called Phone-a-'Phobia. me he He claimedI inherited it from my mother who hassimil". ry*proms.,, A phobia is a fear out of proportion to the actual threat in a situation


INrERpRctNcIN AsrtoN: IN Gnoups ANo FnteNosHtps

and peoplewith phobiasgenerallytry to avoid the situationsthey fear. SomeADDers do avoid using the telephone.The avoidance,however, isn't a phobic reaction to inappropriateanxiety or fear-they have real problemswith telephonecommunication. the an The problem is sometimes inability to process meaningof words Telephoneconversations without the visual cluesof body language. to for requests the speaker repeathimself with silences, may be peppered phrases such as"l.Jh" and "um!" An ADDer may forget and charming to identify himseli leave out important information or abruptly end the conversation. An inability to filter out backgroundnoise alsocontributes to the An difficulty with telephoneconversations. ADDer can becomea telephone ryranr ashe fights to shut out noisesand interruptions. of Listening and making sense communication is hard enoughwork having to contend with outside interferences. without


{ +



You MreN I'u Nor L,+zy, SruprnOn Cnazyl!

9yrvival Tips for the Telephone fh. telephone may never be yo,rr preferredmode of communication but there are somethings you can io to make it more user-frie"Jrv. Here are a ftLEl"phone strategies that may reduceyour pho.r"."Phobia and TTTS: t Rehearse and write down what you're going to saybeforeyou make a call-your greeting,the major points-youwant to make and the way you'll politely end the conversarion. o Keep your nores in front of you during the call jog to your memory. t Stick to your script to avoid the "wandering"conversation. t Make your phone calls in a quiet, distraction-free place.One person we know had a phone jack installedin her bathroomso the ihi,. noiseof the exhaustfan would block out distracrions. you ,tv If this, don'r forg_"! oery important detair.Telephoro one elec"r" consetrical devices. Used in water,they can have f", mor" serious quences than Phone-a-Phobia TTTSI and t If someone callsand catches you off guard,briefly excuse yourself, sayingyou'll have to switch phones, the door or return the ".rsr., call later.Then take a few minuresro compose yourselfand g"rh., any written information you might needfor the'conversation. If you have taken the call in a noisy areaof your house,take the time to request quiet or switch to anotherphone.

With this-general frameworkof communication and interactions in place,we'Il turn our attention to interfacingin groupand one-to-one encounters. you considertheseissues, As your guiding principle should be the theme of this book-maximizing your rt-r.rrgtli, and 1nirri-irirrg your weaknesses. Don't attempt to becomelike folliwith ."1- remperaments.You'll fail miserablyand losesight of the plus sideof your moral inventory.since we'readvocates the open bobk test,we encourage of you to keep,yourinventory noteshandy ai you conrinue readingl WE'ff test you at the end of the book. Only kidding. . .


INreRrRcnc lN AcrloN: IN Gnoups ANn FRtgNosulps

Relationships: A Play with Multiple Acts and a Cast of Many Characters

If the world werefilled with fellow ADDers, many of us would probably with experience With our personal do just fine in our relationships. ADD, we would understandthe "quirks" of the ADDers around us. Of course,the world is madeup of many different kinds of people,many who can't figure us out at all! If we're going to fit in, we have to figure with and relateto others. out how to communicate You may need to completelyreprogramyour mental computer to improve its interfacing capabilities.You may have unique strengthsin to this areaand need only minor adjustments your program.You may in any weaknesses alreadybe using your identified strengthsto bypass of this areaof functioning. You may have a keen sense humor and of vivid imaginationthat attractspeopleand repairsthe damage a socialfaux pas.You may be judiciouslyusingyour disinhibition-saying or doing things other peoplecensor-to developa frank and open comothersand puts them at ease. munication stylethat disarms

Act I: Interfacing in Groups

\7e live, work and play in groups-families, socialclubs,meetingsand 'SUe can't avoid theseinteractionseven if we wantedto. If committees. you are like many bright, enterprisingADD adults,you may facegroup as situationswith about asmuch enthusiasm you do a trip to the denTo tist! What can you do to prevent the socialsuicideyou fear? help somesocialsituationsin action. you with this issue, let'sobserve Michael Michael is standingin a clusterof four peoplewho have been talking about a variety of topics.He hasn't addedmuch to the conversation he because doesn'tknow anything about the latest softwareor the His caterpillars. brain is racingto movementto protect endangered to think of something say,beforesomebodyaskshim somethinghe won't know how to answer.


You MEaNI'u Nor L,+zy, SruproOn Cnnzy?!

He is preoccupied with planning his verbalentrancero rhe conversation and vaguelyhearsa commentabout recenractivitv in the Oqtal Office.Sincehe'sa builder with a specialtyin cusromrenovation,he jumps in with his accountof an inreresring eagerly circularroom he once built. It suddenlyoccursto him, halfway through his story,that somerhing isn't quite right. He looksup to seefour facesetchedwith question marks!He graduallyrealizes enormiryof his blunderand slinks the awaywith a half-heartedchuckle: "Oval Ofrice. . .White House.. .l knew that. I just wantedto seeif you werepayingattention." Amanda Betweenburstsof sma[ talk with her two companions, Amanda twists aroundto watch her friend Mlchael humiliate himself.She asksof no one in particular,"Can you believehe just saidthat?" She quickly switches gears sheobserves as that her companion's looksjust like tie the one her Uncle Joeusedto wear.To her companion's comment about the benefitsof usingglass insteadof papeiproducrs, Amanda "Do funeraldirecrors asks, recyclethe dearlydepartedloved one's clothingl The reasonI'm askingis that your tielooks exacrlylike the one Uncle Joewore at his funeral." she laughingly assures both men that she'sonly kidding and wonders if the_y've noriced how many peoplehave alreadyleft tie parry and if they have any suggestions aboutwhat sheshouldrav to Mi.hael about acting so stupid Elizabeth Elizabethis standingwith a largegroupnear the buffet table.An animatedconversation about the plight of the homeless so engrossing is that everyoneignoresthe deliciousfood. Elizabethis the onli p"rroi in the groupwho.isn't sayinganyrhing.Her eyeslook glazed und h". faceis expressionless. the woman *ho asks To her opiiion about this serious topic, shereplieswith a yawn,"Oh, I don't .""lly know." Someone elseoffersto drive her home in caseshe'sbeen drinking too much and needsto sleepit off.


INrERrRcluc IN AcrtoN: IN Gnoups Arlo FRtENosHrps

Notes: Act I
the about dividing Mental Gymnastics: Do you remember discussion They are a kind of mental athletics.Sucattention and shifting gears? group interfacing dependson an ability to shift gearsrapidly. cessful The exchangeof a conversationis a challenging task for an ADDer He who can't make quick mental adjustments. has to follow the flow of talk as it bouncesfrom personto person.He has to concentrate enough to understandwhat the speakeris saying.He alsohas to be surehe doesn'tget locked in. Otherwise,he comesto a grinding halt while the generalconversationgoeson without him. Remem, the Someof us take mental time outs to process conversation. ber our slow reactiontime?A breakcan give us time to deal with our 'We may be so intent on frantically lessthan trustworthy memories. rehearsingand rememberingwhat we're going to saythat we block out as everythingelse.\7e do mental handsprings fast aswe can. Unfortunirrelevantcomments. ately,we often end up interjectingseemingly 'We're talking about spring soccerwhen the conversationmoved on five minutesearlierto the winter Olympics. Creativethinking alsoplaysinto the mental athletics.Rather than getting locked in and taking a time out, an ADDer's mind may move taking a detour at the end of the track! A comment at breakneckspeed, him on a wild, stimulates ideathat sends an during the conversation imaginativejourney.Severallapslater he endshis little detour and with either raisedeyebrows shares sometidbit. His comment is greeted or repliesof, "\fhat the H- - - are you talking about?" to to The comment that makesperfect sense him is incomprehensible the rest of the group.They didn't go on the mental journey with the ADDer and don't know wherehe'sbeen.If he'samongfriends,they'll probablyjust shrug it off. If he'swith strangers, they might wonder what planet he comesfrom! for Running Out of Gas: There are other reasons an ADDer's diffiThe atmosphere a groupcan be of cultieswith groupinteractions. filter intenselystimulating.Impairedattention and a defectivesensory Attention can jump from a can be pushedbeyondtheir capabilities.


You MraN I'v Nor Lnzy,SruproOn Cnnzy?!

companion'sperfumeto the crackling fire across room. \Uhere the should he focus-on the speaker's wordsor on the body language of the personstandingnexr to him? Bombarded with sightsand sounds from many differentdirections,his senses rapidly reachan uncomfortable level of overload.Similar to a car climbing a long mounrain road, he quickly uses his reserves fuel. He mayrun out of mennlgas. up of


A \


';l '. i


l r '

Have you everbeen in a stimulatinggroupsituation,feelingasif you've just taken a sleeping or gone into a coma?'Sfe pill have. k's asif the body staysin the samespot while the brain goesoff to a quiet corner somewhere rest and regroup. to That's just greatfor your brain, but what aboutyoul You end up standingthere with a blank look and a yawn. You may not exactly endearyourselfto the speaker who is sharing fascinatinginformation. It's not that the conversation boring-although it might be! It's that is the overstimulationof a groupsituationcauses mental fatigue.Simply put, an ADDer might either tune out or fall asleep. That's precisely


INrsnrRcrNc AcrroN: IN GRoups IN Auo FRrENosurps

what happenedto Elizabethwho attributesher poor socialskills to a lack of sleep. Cruise Controls Set on Mega,Speed: Conversely,the mental cruise control may be flipped on and set way abovethe speedlimit. The Porscheis revvedand readyto go! Foot in mouth disease escalates out of control as the ADDer barrelsaround the track, heedless anyone of who might be in his way.With a poor sense boundaries, may of he careen,literally and figuratively,into other people.He fidgetstoo much, talks too fast and drives everyonecrazywith his intensity. The people aroundhim altematelyview his behaviorasamusingor annoying. Impulsivity and disinhibition aresometimes atremptsto fend off mental fatigueand maintain alertness. course, one elseknows that! Of no Many of us often talk and act first and think later. As Amanda does, we may fill up physicaland emotional spacewith our presence and chatter.Inappropriate, rude or silly remarksare out of our mouthsbefore we know it! How many times have you saidto yourself,"l can't believe I just saidthat."

Synopsis: Act I
It might seemthat you process information too slowlywhen you'rein groupconversation. it possible, a Is however,that you process the information ln greater depththan othersdo?Do you make connections that eludeeveryone elseand have real value?It might seemthat your mental detoursare inappropriatebut that doesn'tmean they're worthyour tangentsand wild leapsof imaginationcan lead the less. Perhaps groupto creativeproblem-solving. And here'ssomethinginterestingto think about.Are your problems in groupscausedby your deficits or by therulesfor interactionthat are ill suitedto your sryleof thinking? KK: "'!7ith professional experienceasa group leader,I mentally geared up for a difficult challengewhen I agreed start an ADD adult support to group.I pictureda groupof peopletalking non-stop,interruptingeach other and jumping from topic to topic. I figured my main function as the facilitator would be to referee. What has happenedis vastly different from what I imagined.The flow of ideasdoesjump arounda lot but this doesn'tseemto be an obstacle


You MenNI'v Nor Lnzy,SruproOn Cnazy?!

to the groupprocess. Generally,the groupasa whole is able to follow the logic of the conversation and sometimes movesit off into wonderful, productive tangents.Thetempo is much fasterthan I have encountered in other groups. But groupmembers, often left behind in "normal" groups, able to keepup with the speedy are conversation." Perhaps the logic of a non-ADD thinker is a different brand from an ADDer's. His logic, formulatedby the generalizations connections and of his distractions, may in somewaysbe superiorto the logic taught in school.It makessense that if he could play by his own set of logical rules,his communicationwould flow more freely. The danceof conversationin an ADD group seems move to music to entirely different from that of other groups.It seems have its own to unique rhythm, tempo and patterns.Perhaps ADDers don't need we dancinglessons after all. We may just need to danceto our own ADD beat! If you have an ADD friend, get togetherand enjoy the danceyou share. you can't always Of course, danceto your own beat just asyou can't always what your impulses do drive you to do. Sinceyou can't avoid being in groupsof non-ADDers,you'll have to learn someof the conventional steps. Here are somesurvivaltips that might help you on the dancefloor.

Survival Tips for Act I

Be Prepared: Beforeyou arrive at the socialgathering,make sure you'reprepared. Start taking notes asa newspaper reporterwould. Find out who will be there and write down their names, occupations, interests, etc. If you'relucky,somebody elsewho lovesradio controlled racecarsasmuch asyou do, will be in attendance. Ask about the dress "code" so you won't arrive in jeansif everyoneelsewill be wearing suitsand ties. Make sureyou write down the date and time of the gathering!Arriving for a dinner party an hour late will definitely not win rave reviewsfrom your host. Do Your Homework: If your mind and mouth inexplicably shut down in groupsettings, rehearse aheadof time. Part of this rehearsal


INrrRrRcrNc AcrroN: IN GRoups IN ANo FRrEr.rosHrps

should be keeping up, at leastsuperficially, with current events.This with the lengthy doesn'tmeanyou have to sit down on a daily basis New York Times.It doesmean that you shouldknow that the changing ru,rcIear farrily isn't a topic about folk glowing in the dark with radiation poisoning! The value in having an awareness, however vague,of names,places and events in the news is that it providesa file of information on which you can draw.If the subjecttums to the primaries,you won't interject a comment about your son'sexperiences the primary grades your in of local school. Instead,you might offer,"Campaignactivity is really heating up, isn't it? I haven't seenthe paperthe pastfew days.Is there anything new going on?" Practice: Rehearsing meansjust that. Write a script. Rehearse. Practice. When you arrive, what will you sayto the host?How will you join a conversationl\7hat wordswill you usel How will you introduceyourselfl How will you respondto the inquiry "\Uhat do you do for a living, Don?" Develop a standardscript for thesequestionsthat come up in groups.Then practice it with a spouse friend or in front of a mirror. or When you work on your script, considerwaysyou can respondto information sharedby others.After you've answered inquiry about what the you do for a living, how do you respondwhen somebody tells you about his 1ob? "What da you dofor aliving, Don?" Someone aslcs: You stnrtJoLuscript:"I restore anaqtefurniune. What'syourjob, Fred?" Fred replies:"I am a mediacenter specialist." "Oh, really.." Youcomment: . The conversationstopsdead in its tracks.What happensnow?Rather than feeling uncomfortableand trying to fill the deadspacewith rambling, you can referto your memorized script of cannedresponses. Questions are excellent because they keep the conversationgoing and draw attention awayfrom you. Generic commentscan bail you out if you have no idea what a media center specialist A rehearsed of is. list questions and commentscan also help with any problemsyou have with monopolizingconversations. someof thesescriptsand Try


You MpeNI'v Nor Lxzy,SruproOn Cnnzy?!

add someof your own: "How did you get interested that area?" in "I don't know verymuchaboutthntfield. lYhat exactlJdoes your work entail?" "Haqte you alwaysdone thiswork or did Jou stertoff in a different fieLd?" "Tltat sounds an interesting Can you tellme moreabout it?" job. like The focusof the conversationwill probablycome back to you after this questionand answerperiod.By then you shouldhave found some familiar territory and will be able to talk comfortablyabout a subject you know. You may get in a bind and exhaustthe items in your script. If this happens, you can excuse yourselfto make a phone call or to ask the host something.Include theseemergency techniquesduring exit your rehearsal. Also includeyour spouse friend in your practice or sessions you'll have someone bail you out when you needhelp. so to If you're a memberof a supportgroup,you can leam about your behavior by watching yourself.Arrange for a video or audio recordingof your group's interactions. Although the cameramight be somewhat distracting, you can leam a lot when you review thi tape. This is a valuableprocess only for reviewingwhat you did wrong, not but what you did right! If you'rea memberof an ongoingsuppoftgroup, you might be able to tape a series sessions. can usethe tapesto of You monitor your progress you practicenew waysof behaving.Of course, as this idea presupposes you feel comfortablein the group and that that none of the members objectsto being taped. Watch and Listen: \7hen you're with an unfamiliar group of people, initially keep a low profile.Look and listen a lot and talk very little. Watch the others to seehow they behave.Find out how much personal information peoplesharewith each orher and try to figure our any unspokenrules.Most groupshave informal codesof conduct that govem the behaviorof members. The hidden codemay tell you which subjects taboo,whereto sit or even how to dress. are \7e don't advocateblind conformity to rules or buying into the idea


INrERrRcrNc AcrroN: IN GRoups Iu ANn FzuENosHrps

that you must fit in. It will be up to you to decidewhether to continue your association with a particulargroup.You can, however,make a reasonable attempt to be cordial and respectfulof the group'srules at leastfor one evening.If nothing else,usethe eveningto practiceyour conversational skills. Watch Your Watch: Focuson the speaker. Force yourself to make eye contact. Play closeattention to the danceof conversationand don't give a solo per6ormance. Beforeyou start talking, make surethat you aren't interrupting.Make it a practiceto askthe speaker he has if finished beforeyou jump in and cut off his next thought. Wear a watch with a secondhand and unobtrusivelynote how long each personspeaks. \Uhen it's your turn, time yourself.Set a mental alarm clock to ntrn yowselfoff rf you exceedyour allotted time. Watclung Joltxwatchcan alsohelp you maintain focusas it givesyou something to do. In casesomebody watchesyou watching your watch, you can alwaysclaim that the batteryseems be wearingout. It's better to to wearout your batterythan your audience! Watch Your Wandering: Pay closeattention to the number of tangential joumeysyou take so you won't start jumping all over,monopo. lizing the conversation.In a safegroup of friends, ask someoneto signal you when you're getting off track. If all elsefails and you're off and running beforeyou know it, acknowledge your rambling. S"y somethinglike, "Boy,my mind is really on a mental marathon,isn't it? Sorry about that. . ." Work on Your Reading Skills: Rememberthat people communicate through verbal and non-verbalchannels. You'll need to practicereading both kinds of language. The verbal channel usesthe voice asrhe instrument to producewordswhile body language and facial expressionsprovidevaluablecluesabout the impact of your behavior. If you notice a look of horror, it's a good bet that your wordssent an unintendedmessage-unless course, you wanted a particularreacof tion! Immediatelyapologize you know your wordswere impulsive.If if you hate to apologrze, your teeth and do it anywaylThink of it as grit balancingyour checkbookor doing pushups. not fun but it makes It's life easierin the lons run.


You MEenI'v Nor Lezy,SruproOn CnnzyT!

If you don't know what caused negativereaction,ask!You could the say,"I noticed you frowned when I said such and such. Is there a prob. lem?"An altemative is to make a joke about your impulsivity.You could saysomethinglike, "l have a bad caseof foot in mouth disease today.Please me know if I've saidor done anyrhingout of line." A let lighthearted approachcan make it easierfor the other personto provide feedback about your behavior. Welcome the Feedback: \7hen you receivethe feedback,LISTEN TO IT! The advice is three simplewords.Responding appropriatelyto commentsabout your behavior,however,is anything but simple!Your tendencymight be to put up your shield and go into auto'defense and mode.You really should try to leaveyour shield at home or in attaak the trunk of your car.Remember, you can't do this all by yourself.You needhelp.
/ \ '
5 a O a




INrERpncrNcIN AcrroN: IN GRoups ANo FRrrNosHrps

Think of this learning process therapy.In physical therapy,for as instance,the sloganusedto inspirepatientsis, "No pain, No gain." And of course, commentsdon't have to be negative.Don't be afraidto askfor positive feedbackaswell and don't forget to thank the person for taking the time to help you. Careful listening is hard, acceptingcriticism is harder and changing your behavioris the hardestof all. But theseareessential partsof your recovery. Using feedbackto changeyour behaviorcan have a powerful, positiveimpact on your socialsuccess. Carefully Choose Your Social Activities: If you feel washedup and wom out after everysocialevent, it might be time to rereadthe section on balance.Be honestwith yourself.Do you attend thesefunctions you want to or because because you feel compelledto? \fhen an acquaintanceshares very full socialcalendar,do you feel somehow his that you just don't measure socially? up There may be somesocialeventsthat you must attend. Prepare carefully for theseand do the bestyou can, but JustSay "No" to rhe others. Be selectiveand baseyour decisionon a realisticassessment your of abilitiesand disabilities. Small groupgatherings may work betterfor you. This doesn'tmeanyou shouldgive up on learningand practicingyour interfacing skills. You will need them everywherefrom PTA meetings to officeplanning sessions. remember that there isn't a rule requiring Just you to be a socialbutterfly.

Act II: Interfacing in One,to,One Encounters

Someof us preferlargegroupinteractionsthat enableus to remainsome'We what anonymous. may feel far lesscomfortablein one-to-onerelationshipsbecause impossible hide. Our carefullyconstructed it's to shieldsdon't work well in closerelationships that illuminate our shortcomings. Even if your experiences relationships in have beenunsuccessful, don't resignyourselfto solitaryconfinement.If you'vebeen working hard at your recovery, you have knowledgeand skills you may have lacked


You MEnNI'v Nor Lezv.SruproOn Cnnzv?!

before.Your newfoundunderstanding about your balancesheetcan inherent in developingclose supportyou asyou risk the self-disclosure you're awareof the potential relationships.You can be successful if pitfalls and designstrategies avoid them. to In Act II, we'll studysomeother relationships action. Theseare the in one-to-oneencounters with friendsand acquaintances. Let'sseewhat we can leam from them. Ken Ken looksup to seePaulwalking down the aisle.He runs over him, expressing surpriseand delight to seehim again so soon after their first meeting. He asksif Paul receivedthe three messages left for him on he his answeringmachine yesterday. invites Paul to dinner that He evening and without waiting for an answer, beginsaskingwhat his new friend would like to eat. Ken beginstelling his new friend all about the cooking classes he's taking and what he's leamed about designing healthy menus. Carolyn Carolyn invites Jason,her new neighbor to join her for a cup of coffee. She talks briefly about the neighborhoodand commentsthat she's surehe'll like it much better than wherehe usedto live. Jasontells her that he'll missthe cookoutshe usedto have with his three neighbors.Carolyn responds telling him not to worry about it. She tells by him that in this neighborhood,fifteen families sharea block party everysummer!Carolyn refills her coffeebut doesn'tnotice that Jason's is empty.She responds his story about the tree househis son built to "'V7ell, bet I in their old yard,by gazingout her back door.She advises, greattree with my son'shelp, your boy will be able to build a really housein his new backvard."

Notes: Act II
Many of the rulesfor interactions are the samefor both group and 'We individual encounters. must take tums listening and speaking, watch for non-verbalbehaviorand monitor verbal and non-verbal communication.Beyondthesesimilarities,though, individual interactionsrequiresomewhat differentskills.


INrrnrRcrNc AcrroN: IN GnoupsANo FRrENosurps IN

Is your friendshipmode similar to Carolyn'sor Ken's? Don't worry if you identify with either of them because they have a lot going for them. With somerefinements, they could developgood interaction skills. Ken showsgenuineaffection for Paul and is willing to work hard at developingthis new friendship.What he needsto do is work equally hard at not working so hard! He needsto learn to redirecthis' from his needsto his friend'sneeds. Then there'sCarolyn. Desperately wanting her new neighborto like her and his new neighborhood,sheoverwhelmshim with her intensiry. She needsto think about her wordsand review the messages sends. she She needsto watch Jason's body language and note his attemprsto add commentsto her one-wayconversation. singingthe praises By of her neighborhood, she's trying to help him adjusrro his new home. body language would give her a good clue that she's sendingan Jason's unintendedmessage boastingand "". of

Synopsis of Act II
There'sboth good newsand bad newsfor an ADDer in one to one socialinteractions. The goodnewsis that theseencounters fewer put demands the ability to switch gears-there arefewerdetailsto track on and fewerpeopleto read.The bad news is that runing our is more obvious-the focusis on him with no one to run interference!He can't affordto take mind detoursbecause there'sno one to pick up and carry the conversational ball. If you haven't come to termswith your disorder, one-to-onecommuni. cation can be particularlyscary. You might talk yourselfinto failure. "Whnt if shedoesn'tlike me?" "I don'thaqte anJthinginteresting say," to "He'sa professor andl barelyfinishedhigh school!" "What if I forgethername?" "What if I run out of rhings say?" to Engagingin negativeself-talkis destructive you because look at only one sideof your equation.Never forget the other sideof your balance


You MEnNI'v Not Lnzv.SruptoOn Cnazv?!

sheet! Henry Ford said,"Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you'reright." If you run from potential friendships, you're acting and believing you can't On the other hand, if you affirm personwho happens have somedisabilities, yourselfasa capable to you are acting and believingJou can. 'We can leam to be greatlisMany of us have excellentpeopleskills. teners,locking in our focusto give a flattering level of attention to the other person.The rhythm of the exchangeis slowerand easierto fol\7e can focus intently, noticing things low in one-to-one encounters. that othersmissand offeringsensitiveand empathicsupport. You may be fortunate to have a closefriend. You may have several closefriends.But if your friendshipsare rocky or shorter-livedthan you'd like them to be, you may needto get to work. As you think about considerthesetips. They your own skills in one-to-onerelationships, may be usefuland give you addedconfidencein thesesituations.

Survival Tips for Act II

Relax and Listen: Don't feel you have to fill every secondwith contalking a mile a minute or versation.ADDers tend to go to extremes, completelytuning out. Somesilenceis okay.If you check out altoin gether,your companionwill think you'reuninterested what he has to say. is The key to maintaining a correctbalancebetweenthe two extremes you to interactwithout filling acrivelistening.Active listeningenables that you are up the conversationwith your words.Send a message listening and interestedin what your companionhas to sayby nodding your head,leaningforwardand maintaining eyecontact. it Inand pay attention to the message sends. Watch his body language terject commentsthat let your companionknow that you are listening. you more?" "Go on" . . ."TeIlme more". . ,"CoLLld explnin thata Little or If you find yourselftalking excessively feeling uncomfortableat a lull in the conversation,shareyour confusion:


INrgnnncrNc IN AcrroN: IN GRoups ANo FRrENnsHrps

"Am I nlking toomuch?. . I'ue run out of things talk about. . . . to Do youhnveany ideas?" Clarify the Message: Rememberthat communication is an art form. The clarity of the message an impact on the listener's has understanding. Moreover,each of us interpretslanguage from an individual frame of reference. The intent of the message be misinterpretedregardcan lessof how clearlyit is stated. Statement: "Things&rea mess thishouse." in "He's accusing of beinga slob." me "He's telhing to cleanup the house." me "He's just noticing and commenting thesnte of on the house."

Possible Interpretations:

Although history may supporrthe first sraremenr, don'r jump ro conclusions. avoid communicationmisunderstandings, To clarify the way you interpreted the message-restateit in your own words.



Interpretations: "Wen you saidthat,I thougfu you were criticiTing me. Is that true?"
Effective ((r.t


tfi,irlr,t,Yt I shoutdsomething do about


.r | "I thought said..."or ( ( r "Wereyou saying " ..." Jou

'We Avoid ttFightin' Words": talked about the importanceof active listening.To ensurethat your companionwill interpret your message accurately, take greatcarewith the wordsyou use.One sure-firemethod for shutting down the channelsof communication is using the words "yo,, always"or "you never'lStrike them from your vocabulary unless you want a full scalebattle to eruptl Thesewordsfeel threateningand accusatory. They assign blameand createfeelingsof defensiveness. Even if your spouse rarelyremembers your anniversary, has been around he for fifteen yearsand rememberingdatesmay be difficult for him. A better technique is to rephrase your words asl-messages communto icate your feelingsabouthow somethingaffects you. !7hen you use


You MEaNI'v Nor Lezy.SruproOn Cnazyl!

you You-messages, direct the focusto your listener and force him to arguehis position.Here are someexamples the differences of between thesetwo kinds of messages: I,rtssflge: "When you didn't call yesterdnJ wondered youwere tf ,I madat me." neuercaLI You,message3"YILL whenJou sayyou wiIL" I,rrrssage: "When you stnrtnlking bef I' m finished I f eeL ore tltnt wl'tat , I haqte sayis unimportarLt" to You,message: "Why do you intenuptme aLl time?" the lUatch your listener'sbody language. he looks puzzled, If stop talking. Ask him to clarifu his understanding what you said.He may be hearof ing somethingvery different from what you're trying to say. There are many other usefulcommunication techniquesbut we hope you get the ideafrom theseexamples. might be helpful to increase It your learning experiences taking part in a classor group that pracby ticestheseskills.The communications departmentof a local univergood place to look for this kind of training. sity would be a Watch Your Intensity Level: ADD adults can be intense,passionate and single-minded aboutpersonalinterests. you'renot careful,you If can scare calmerpersonto death! a Be cautiouswhen you find yourselfdiscussing one of your favorite subjects pet peeves. you find the other personmentallyor or If physically backingoff,lighten up! Tell a joke, aska questionor change the subject. An ADDer can get carriedawaywith a topic because his intensity. of It can alsocause more generalproblemthat pervades whole rea the lationship. He often overwhelmsother peoplewith the ferocity of his friendship.He might showera friend with sincere, excessive but flattery that leaves him feelingembarrassed wonderingif we're really teasing. or As Ken does,he might get physicallytoo close,obliviousto the other person's needfor space.


INrrRrecrNc IN AsrroN: IN Gnoups ANo FRrENosHrps

r Bulru nu !3t '

lJtAp r

Slow Down: Even if an ADD adult is adeptat verbal and non-verbal communication, he can have difficulty maintaining a friendship over the long haul. He doesn'twant to wait for the natural progression of phases developingrelationships. may not be amunedto the in He pacingand gradualeasinginto involvement,trying ro ger roo close, too fast. If this is a problemfor you, it may help to keep a diary or calendarthat tracksyour behaviorin friendship-making. Don't just pick up the phone to call your new acquaintance until you check your joumal. Pencil in when you make a contact and jot down notesabout the encounter,paying particularattention to the other person's response. Indicatein your joumal a date for your next contact and don't call or drop in before that date!

In the next chapteqwe'll move on to relationships the workplace. in Although our focuswill be on issues inter{acingand communication, of we'll alsodo a brief task analysis. \7e'11 look at someof your jobs the on job and offer somesuggestions improving your skills in someof them. for \7e'll also look at your relntionship yaurjob to help you analyzeany to failuresyou may be experiencing. This analysis will include an important question.Are you failing on your job or is your job failing you?


CH.A.pren 9

in lnterfacing Actionl Along theJob on Gettine

Cur."r, can be made or desffoyedaccordingto how well we get along with other peopleon the job. \Uork relationshipsare an interesting variation on the theme of interfacing.There are elementsof both oneThe one-to-onerelationand groupinteractions. to-one relationships but requiresimilar mainaren't closefriendships shipsof employees are tenanceover time. Likewise,the groupinteractionsof employees gatheringsin that they are ongoing. different from social you of In the one-to-onerelationships friendships can choosethe people with whom you'll shareyour time and personalinvolvement. The same is true of the socialgatheringsyou attend-you can chooseto skip a party if you aren't crazy about the peoplewho will be there. But you with whom you'll interact and you can't can't choosethe employees choosethe meetingsyou'll attend.You have to interact with your coworkersin a variety of settings. a The workplaceis a socialarenaand arguably political one aswell. good interpersonal relationships and an Success the job requires on the abihty to understand "politics" within the work setting.Thesedyfor namicscreatesomeunique problems an ADDer with shakycom. of munication skills.With her friends,shecan count on a degree underher she standingabouther ADD. With her colleagues, has to manage deficitswith greatfinesse. in As an adult with ADD, your success the work world is alsolargely of dependenton how well you get alongwith your job. Because your you have to carefullybuild a safety particular deficits and differences, net for your job asyou do for the other parts of your life. Are there


IxrEnrRcxc IN AcrroN: GtrrrNc Ar-oNcOr.r Tur Ton

somestrategies can useto improvethe quality of your work?How you can you makeyour job work for you?Is your job the bestmatch for your particularabilitiesand disabilities? this chapter,we'll expand In interfacingto include thesespecificaspects iob managemenr. of

Act III: Getting Along on the Job

Diane Diane found her niche in sales and quickly becamea rop saleswoman. Single-handedly, increased sales' she the volume of her d"putt-".,t after being on the job only a few months. Her hard work and talents wererewarded with largecommissions, bonuses and a promotion to the position of SalesManager. Three months later,Diane startedtaking aspirinon a daily basisand considered getting back into therapy.She recently found a crumpled piece of paperon the floor and is trying to figure out what to do ubo.rt it. The paperis a caricature her drawn by one of her salesm-en. of In the picture, she_ towering over her sales is force,clutching a huge megaphone in both hands.\7ords are shooting out of the -egaphon" "r,l raining down like fireworkson her "subjects" below.

Notes: Act III

Diane is a hardworking,energeticand creariveADD woman. She'san excellentemployee whoseperformance been noted and rewarded has by her superiors. what is going wrong for her? So There are probably a number of explanationsfor the problemsDiane is experiencing her job. The most obviousis that her managerial in skillsaren't asgoodasher sellingskills.Sellinga product isn'r th. ,u*. assellingpeopleon one'sideasfor managinga sales force.Diane'ssocial deficitsmay have caughtup with her. Although sheroserapidly ro an administrativeposition, she is leaming that stayingup there is tricky. Diane'simpulsivity may play a role in her problems.She is a can-do womzlnwho is usedto getting the job done-nowl \fhen her sales people don't solveproblemsasfast asshe does,shegrabsher megaphort. "nd startsissuingdirectives.She greetsa questionabout her poftciesasa


SruptoOn Cnezv?! You MEaNI'u Nor L,czv.

figures.She can't understandwhy someof her hindrance to her sales' employees refuseto work the samefifty or sixty hours shedoesevery week.She rants and ravesthat shehas to do the work or it would never get done.

Synopsis: Act III

The work environment is a mini-societygovemedby rulesformulated of the ro prorect the rights and establish responsibilities the peoplewho in work there.The relationships a work environment are affectedby the positionspeoplehold, individual personalities 1obresponsibilities, and Although ADD adultsmay relationships. and multiple interpersonal have someunique problemsin this work setting,they are only one part of the equation. have a greatpotential for breakdown. Large,complexorganizations and someof them alsohave Many peoplearepart of work relationships for This makes somevery interest-ing ADD or other disabilities. interfacing!Consider,for example: of tlrc seems Listen who asl<s impossible you. to md The boss who neqter euenwhen sdcksto herjob description The coworkerwho doggedly are deadlines loomand colleagues desperate help. for yorlrs. The boss who contimnllymakeshisemergencJ, to The coworkerwho adnmantlyrefuses take responsibility a for screw-up. of There isn't much you can do about the hidden agendas fellow emyou ployees. you remember that you'reonly one pieceof the puzzle, If \7hen a work relationcan view a situation from its properperspective. your fault-or that it's exclusively ship unravels,you shouldn't assume strugglingwith deficits your unreasonable Perhaps she's colleague's. similar to yours.As an adult with ADD, you shouldbe sensitiveto the who might alsohave hidden disabilities. needsof colleagues \7hat doesall this meanfor you?It meansyou really have your work in cut out for you! To be successful the world of work, you'll need to of review many of the things we've talked about in previoussections pay closeattention to your balthis book. Reviewyour inventory and

1,7 6

lNrrnnncrNc IN AcrroN: GETTTNG Ar-oNc ON THE lon

ance sheet.It will be an invaluable frameworkasyou begin to develop your management strategies. Diane paid attention to hers,shemight If decide to give up the higher pay and execurivetitle to do what she doesbest-sell products.Let's take a look at someideasfor dealing with problemsin the world of work.

Sunzival Tips: Act III

Rules, Procedures and Policies Many ADDers harc to swallowthesebitter pills-unfortunarely there's no way to sweetenthem! Unlessyou own your company,you have to play by someoneelse's rules.You have to follow companyrules,proce. duresand policiesbecause don'r work in isolation. you Much asyou may hate your policy handbook, study it anyway.It outlines your companyt systemof govemment and chain of ssrnrnxnithings such as who reports to whom and areasof individual responsibilities.You can't leaverhis homework undone! You must be very clear about where you fit within the overall structureto avoid oversteppingyour boundsor failing ro carry our your responsibilities. Make Sense of the Rules: Don't arbitrarily ignore the rules that don't make sense you. lUork at trying to understandtheir rationale.\Uhen to you're awayfrom work, talk with your spouse a closefriend about or them. Make a list of all the policiesyou disagree with and analyze each of them. Do somehave validity for the organizationasa whole even though you personally disagree with them?If so,you'll have to leam to live with them. Perhaps you can set up a rewardsystemasa motivating tool. You may decide that not being allowed to listen to rock music in the office is totally unfair. You can't changethe rule but you can rewardyourself for following it by treatingyourselfto a favorite tape during your break. Question the Rules Carefully: You'veprobablyheard the adage, "Rules are made to be broken." \7e suggest you modify the words slightly: "Rulesare madeto be changed."If a rule doesn'tseemto make sense you individually or for the companyasa whole,questionit. for Make sureyour communication skills,particularlyyour listening skills, are solidly in place.Think through the rule you're disputingand ap-


You MEnNI'r',r Nor Lxzv. SruproOn Cnazv?!

proach the appropriatepersonwith your question.And then listen. you can forget . I'm If you receivethe response,". .because your boss," about doing anything beyondswallowingyour objectionsand toeing the line. On the other hand, if your superioroffersinformation you At had overlooked,thank her for entertainingyour ideas. least,you'll who is willing to negotiate.The have a readingon her assomeone door will be open for future exchanges. Sell Your Ideas: Although it's unwiseto challengeauthority at every can tum, questioningpoliciesand procedures be a positivequality. don't move too fast.Keepyour impulsivity in check and proceed Just s-l-o-w-l-yand tactfully.Don't start shakingthings up after you've beenon your new job exactlyforty-five minutes! No one in the companywill buy your ideasif you are an unknown quantity. First, you should demonstrateyour loyalty and dependability. Spendtime keepinga low \7ork on building positiverelationships. profile and doing what you'reexpectedto do. Arrive at work on time, take one hour for lunch and not a minute more, and don't take advanof tageof your sick days.After you've eamedthe respect your superfor iors and coworkers,you can start making suggestions change. try If you have a greatproposal, it out on a trustedpersonin the informal office network to seeif it's workable.She can help you evaluateits factsbefore merits and confirm that you've included all the necessary you formally presentit. Letting the bossthink shecameup with your idea is a time honored A method to facilitate change. carefullyconceivedproposalthat focuses the benefitsfor her asan individual and the company asa on whole, can also work. Make sureyou do your homework first. If you without bothering to come up with a new systemfor order processing "baby,"you probablywon't be in find out that old one is your boss's her goodgraces! Unwritten Rules, Procedures and Policies policy You won't find everything you need to know in the company's handbook. Much of the vital information is unwritten and is part of and an informal network of office politics, rules,procedures policies. This network is the office grapevinethat reflec$ the complexdynamics


INrsRrncrNc AcrroN: GErrrNcAr-oNcON TUElon IN

of the peoplewho work together.It holds the inside information about the real power structurein an organization.For instance,a secretary who isn't officially high on the chain of command,may wield enor. mouspower.With detailed knowledgeabout the company and ready access the boss,she may have great influence within the company. to The real chain of command may operatethrough her, bypassing the vice-president who is simply a figure-head. Get Inside the Inner Circle: If you have trouble figuring out the informal network, develop a relationship with someonewho seems to know what'sgoing on. Gradually draw her out to leam how the company operates. Take it easy, though. Usually the employees "the in know" are old-timerswho have eamedtheir statusand play their roles to the hilt. If you try to make an instant friendshipor start grilling someoneover lunch, you may find her unwilling to divulge her knowledge.You'll need to earn her respectto enter the inner circle. Follow the Unwritten Rules: If written policy dictatesthat memos shouldbe sent to Mr. S and Ms. T, don't fail to sendone to Mr. R. if the unwritten rulescall for it. It won't sit well with your bossor employees if you fail to let them know what you're doing or forget to sharevital information. They don't know or careabout your memoryproblemsand attention deficits.They'lI view you asan arrogantemployee who won't acceptauthority or considerthe opinions or feelingsof subordinates. Make a list of theseinformal procedures. your checklistto be sure Use you'refollowing properformal and informal procedures. Better still, you may want to carry a small calendaror notebookwhereyou keep theseconfidentialmaterials, especially employees your work site if in don't lock their desks. Technology and Communication Since we've alreadytalked about the dynamicsof communicationin variousrelationships, won't repeatourselves. we Review the information about communication skills and continually practice and rehearse. Our discussion and suggestions here will be the dimensions commuof nication that are somewhat unique to work settings. Communication is the transmission messages of from one personor group to another.lfe've focusedon communication asspokenwords and body language but in the workplace,it is frequently in the form of


You MrnN I'u Nor Lazy.SruproOn Cnazy?!

written expression. Businesses have alwaysrelied on written documen. tation and record-keeping. Now there'sa high tech twist-the price sheetis faxed,the ad is scanned, memo is E-mailedand the report the is networkedlThis is anothergoodnews/bad newssituationfor ADDers. For the Good News-High tech equipment,particularly the computer, may be the best thing that's ever happenedto an ADDer. k won't pur gasin your car beforeyour business but it can remind you to do it! trip It will check the spellingand grammarof your lettersand sendthe contents,alreadyformatted,to the printer. You don't even have to wait impatiently at the door for the mail carrier.In a flash,your computeror fax machine with a little help from the telephonecompany,can send inquiriesand receiveresponses. For the Bad News-Haqte youheardrhe jokeaboutthe employee who got his ne caughtin thefax machine and" ended in Neq, Yorkt Three uD things may have happened when you readthis little tidbit:

1. Nothins,ilr*:#:fi:,'lif;;:ff""1,:".""'e vou
If fax machineshad this capability,you can think 2. You laughed: of at leastone personin your office who would routinely end up in anotherstate. If fax machineshad this capability,you know that the personroutinely ending up in New York would be you.

3. You cried:

Eachof theseresponses illustratesthe disadvantages modem technolof ogy.E-mail, networking, scanningand faxing may mean absolutely nothing to you. This isn't a reflectionof your IQ! It's mind-boggling how rapidly new methodsfor transmitting information have developed. \Uhile this book isn't a training manualfor high tech equipment,it wouldn't be completewithout a discussion about technology's impact on communication.Even if you approacha TV remotecontrol with fear and trepidation, you might have to usethe fax machine and telephone that have more buttons than the front of your shirt!


INrrnrRcrNcIN AcrroN: GErtrNc Ar-oNcON TnE Joe


Nrw voBh

Let's take a quick tour of the world of high tech computersand their relatives.What can and can't they dol How can you leam to usethem so you don't fax yourselfout of stateor maneuveryourselfout of a jobyou know, when your cartoon of your bossDiane inadvertently ends ? up on her computer screeninsteadof your buddy's And finally, how can you usethem to your advantage? Computer and ADD Compatibility: Computersare similar to people. sizes and colors.Eachhas its own They come in a variety of shapes, "personality"and communicationstyle.If your office uses several different kinds of computers,you might have a choice about which kind to use.Matching your leaming styleto your computeris important. Briefly, you communicatethrough a Macintosh computer with metaphors (visualchannel) and an IBM with words(auditorychannel). If you're starting out on either one and having a terrible time, don't jump to the conclusionthat you are computerilliterate! You and your


You MrnN I'ruNor Lazy,SruproOn Cnnzy?!

computermay simply have communicationproblemsbecause of learningstyles'incompatibility. Written Expression-Memos, Letters and Reports: A compurer can perform incredible featsif you arc computer comfortable. You may find it very helpful in your job. It can relieveyou of the tedium of details and becomeyour personalsecretary. Even if you usespellcheckers and word processing programs, however,you might continue to have problemswith written expression. If the writing requirements your job are primarily intemal memos of and business letters,considerbuying an easyto usesoftware package of templates.Templatesare preparedgenericlettersfor everything from job order confirmationsto congratulations a colleague's promotion. for With the software,you choosea template that matchesyour need, changethe namesand dates,and presto-you have a polishedbusiness document.In the appendixof this book we've listed severalavailable softwarepackages. Check with your dealeror the adults in your support group for other suggestions. If your responsibilities include writing reportsand other more complex documents, you can still usevarioustemplates your frameworkbut as will need to do the actualwriting yourself. Remedialwriting classes may help you work on shakywriting skills. Considerworking with a tutor or checkingout continuing educationclasses your local university. at You shouldalsorememberto usesomeof the bypass strategies talked we about in previouschapters. you have a secretary, If dictate your letters. Otherwise try using a tape recorderto "write" your first drafts.Your ideasmay flow more easilyif you talk first and write later. Show your work to a sympathetic colleague a critique beforeyou sendit out. for Don't forget to usebarteringasa tool to bypass your weak writing skills. For example,you can collaboratewith a coworkerwho writes clearly but has problemsgeneratingoriginal ideas.Togetheryou may be able to write reportsthat outshineany either of you could producealone. Office Equipment and Cheat Sheets: Many peoplehave trouble usingmechanicalor technical equipmenr.This isn'r exclusively a problem for folk with ADD. But someof the ADD differences do


L.,INrERnRcrNc ActtoN: GgrttNc AI-oNc ON THE los

compoundthe problem. You've seenhow increasingcomplexity has an impact on your perforinteracting mance.This is true whether you'redoing math problems, with largegroupsof peopleor figuring out how to usea complicated telephonesystem. Related to this is an impaired memory.How many times have you approachedthe duplicatingmachineto hand-feeda two-sideddocument and couldn't rememberhow to do it? Ten tries later, with the wastereversed and printed upsidedown, you basketoverflowing with pages you wastedan entire packageof finally get it right! Not only have paper,you've alsowastedvaluabletime. You probably should make a cheat sheetfor yourself.Make a list or and tape it to the top of the duplicating macchart of the procedures hine. If you sharethe machine with others,you may need to keep your set of directions in your deskdrawer.Do the samething for the fax machine,telephone,etc. You might find that this memoryby-pass you because the system ultimately helpsyou to memorize procedure leaming asan anchor.You seethe directionsasyou usemulti-sensory perform them. Work,Related Stress and ADD An ADDer's bossmay compliment her on the quality of her work but with coworkers. express concem about the quality of her relationships that working with alike might complain Superiorsand subordinates her is difficult. They are probablycommenting on her generalirritasymptomaticof her disorder. which are,of course, bility and moodiness These symptomstypically get worseasdemandsfrom the environment can't be eliminated,their severity increase. Although the symptoms levelsin the work environment. can be minimizedby managingstress programs useful management are The generalstrategies taught in stress but there are others more specificfor the unique problemsof ADDers. Noise, Doors and Telephones: First, try to figure out the sourceof your stress. the sourceis everythingaboutyour job, you might be in If is the wrong vocation! Our guess that noiseprobablycontributesa greatdeal to your stress. Intrusionsof noisecan be very distracting


You MEnNI'r,,r Nor LAZr,SruproOn Cnnzy?!

and irritaring. If you have an office with a door you can shut for periodsof time, take advantage it! There are important reasons keeping your door of for open. An openeddoor sendsthe message that yor, asan "r" "rr"il"bl. active participant in the work environment. But you have to balance the need to maintain work relationships with your needfor quiet to handle the detailsof your job. Explain to your coworkersthat you can't concentrateon detailed work when there is excessive noise.Then closeyour door. You don't have to tell them about your ADD. Many peopleare botheredby noise and will understandyour need to work without interruption. Just make it clear that this is your problem.You haven'r closed iout dbor because you don't like your coworkers! Your shouldn't retreat behind your closeddoor any longer rhan absolutely_necessary._\7hen detailedconcenrrarior, the *oik is over, open your door, literally and figuratively.Don't allow yourselfro ger so involved with a task that you snarl at a colleague who comesin for a consultation. You will win brownie points if you're only availableduring cerrain hours but are calm and welcomingwhen your door is operi.Even if this meanstaking someof your work home, it may be wbrth it if you can minimizeyour stress during work hours. Tb. sameprinciple appliesro rhe telephone.Your work quality and telephonemannersmight improve if you schedule designated a rime for handling telephonecalls.You'll accomplishmuch mo"re without the constant interruptions.Beforeyour scheduled telephonetime, you'll have time to gathereverythingyou'll need to handle the calis in a friendly and efficient manner. You may be thinking, ideassoundgreat,but I don't have any _"These control over my schedule" "l don't even have my own office". If you or work in an open_area whereyou can't closethe door, is it possible for you to wearheadphones when you need to concentrate? You could lis. ten to music asyou work or a tape of white noise if music is distracting.


INrEnrnctNc IN AcrtoN: Grt"rtNc At-oNc ON THrJon

if Your bossmight be more amenableto suggestions you offer them as producwaysto improve your efficiency.Document your increased really work. Again, you to convince her that thesestrategies tivity you'reconfident she'll act on unless don't have to shareyour diagnosis your disclosurein a positive way. If you feel that you have no control over your schedule,are you absohave experimented A lutely surethat's the case? number of corporations hours for employeephone calls.They have found with designated in that the decrease interruptions throughout the day improvesproApproach your bossabout this. Ask if your office or group ductivity. phone hours or even designated could experiment with designated quiet time for work that requiresheavy concentration. Talk with coworkersto find out if noise and interruptionsbother them. distracChancesare, they probably alsohave trouble with excessive tions. Enlist their support.You may be able to make changesin your for workplacethat will make the environment more user-friendly everyare to you, but thesestrategies taught in timeone. It may be surprising under You may elicit supportfor thesechanges managementcourses. the guiseof wanting to manageyour time more effectively. If you try everything and still can't control the noise and intermptions, rhink seriouslyabout looking for a new job or even a different line of level from a highly distracting environment can be a work. The stress threat to your mental health. Are you failing or is your work failing you? Miscellaneous Strategies For easeof readingwe've tried to group the managementstrategies The onesthat follow don't really fit anywhereelse,so into categories. we've includedthem togetherin this section. Thke Your Medicine: This probablygoeswithout saying,but if you make sureyou take need to take medicine to manageyour symptoms, it during your work hours. Your ability to handle details and interruptions will improve. Moreover, the condition of your finger nails and the anxiety of your office mate will probablyalsoimprove! As an ADD adult, you may not be in perpetualmotion anymorebut may have the masrered art of foot tapping, finger drumming and knuckle cracking.


You MEaNI'v Nor Lnzy,SruproOn Cnazy?!

This constant fidgeting can be exrremelyannoying to other people. Thesebehaviorsare definitely not conducive to improving interpersonal work relationships. Manage Your Symptoms: Actively work on your problematicADD behaviorsto decrease them or makethem lessnotic""bl". Try substituting a behaviorthat is lessdistractingto other people.Can you move your handsor swing your leg under the deskso that no one sees doing it? you Thppingyour fingersagainst eachother is quieterthan kickrng your desk or drumming your fingerson the desktop.Can you gnaw on the top of your pencil so you look asif you aredeeplyengrossed your work? in How aboutusingyour "closeddoor time" to spin happily on your desk chair?What about carefullyspaced trips to the warer fountain, file cabinet or duplicating machine?Volunteer ro run needederrands.Find acceptable excuses ger up from your deskperiodically. to


INrERrRctNclN AcrtoN: GErrtNc AI-oNc ON THeJon

Control Your Foot in Mouth Disease: Have you ever filed a medical It insuranceclaim for FootinMouthDisease? may not be on the list of you have ADD, you probablyhave coveredmedical conditions but if an itl This condition causes ADDer to spendmost of her life with at she leastone foot in her mouth because doesn'tmonitor what she says she saysit! It's no wonder she stumblesalong in work relationbefore ships.Hopping on one foot while extricating the other from the mouth makesit difficult to managethe detailsof a job! Of coursewe're talking about that troubling impulsivity of our ADD in that keepsgetting us in hot water.It got us poor grades conducton gradeasa man' our schoolreport cardsand getsDiane an unsatisfactory remarkor a poorly wordedmemo can makeenemies ager.A thoughtless and even contribute to the lossof a job. Our adviceto you on this one is to Be a S.T.A.R. You have to work hard to srifleyourselfat work. Monitor everyword that comesout of your mouth and think twice beforesayinganything. Beforeyou speak, remind yourselfto stop and think, look, and act or approachsomeone, you take action, reflecton the resultsof your actions.If listen. \fhen glue necessary, a largeS.T.A.R. on your desktopasa memory teaser for Stopping,Thinking, Acting, and Reflecting.It will take a lot of effort to pull this off. You may need to rewardyourselfby finding a likeyou can let off steamat mindedindividual you can trust. Together, lunch or during breaks in we Review Chapter 8 Again: All the issues discussed group and interfacing apply to the work setting.Refer to the strategies relationin the previouschapterfor continued work on interpersonal shipsand communication. The remainderof this chapter is a departurefrom the format we've to been following. We'll usethis discussion explorethe questionwe posedearlier:"Are you failing in your job, or is your job failing you?"

What Do You Want to Do When You Grow Up?

looking for Have you ever pouredover the want adsin the newspaper job that matchesyour qualifications? How many times have you a


You MreN I'v Nor Lnzy,SruproOn Cnnzvl!

closedthe newspaper without respondingto even one inquiry because you couldn't find a match?Let your ADD imagination roam io, u ,rro. ment and pretend you've just seenthe following ad:

Fast growing company looking for one special employee! The perfect candidate will be someone who h.r, difficulty with rulesand authority, ineffectivecommunicationskills, trouble switching betweenasks, an intoleranceto noise, an inability to handle interruprions, an irritable, moody,unpredictableand impatient personality, an intrusive, impulsive and hyperactivebehavior style. Now, there'sa job_designed ADDers! But let'sget back to reality. for The chancesare slim to none that you'll ever come across ad like an that, Don't just tossit aside,though, until you take a closerlook. To do this, you'Il need to refer to your inventory again.Use your creative thinking and growing awareness your ADD of to hypo"drr".rt"g.i thesizeabout waysro useboth sidesof the equation.

impaired communication skills trouble switching with gears intolerance to noise


Positive Qualities?

difficulty rules authority I develops with possibilities solves and problems and with complexity I only excessive focus+ability onejobdone to get well I super focus+ability onejobdone to get wellI super if it'squiet

inability handle to interruptions I super job focus+ability one done to get wellin small setting irritability, impatience intrusive impulsive and hyperactive up getting things done I shaking complacency; setting; energizing I notsobadin a small things done: stimulating I getting


INrpRrRcrNcIN AcrtoN: Gt-rrlNc At-oNc ON THr lon

Whether you're twenty, forty or sixty yearsold, it's not too late to reasand liability sheetmay help Your asset someof your life choices. sess the you evaluatethe questionabout job failure.Perhaps job you'rein is deadwrong for you. Vocational Planning: For our young ADD adult readerswho are pay consideringtheir future professions, carefulattention to our want ad and list of positive and negativequalities.You may decidebased on your interestand math aptitude,that accountingis an obvious choice for you. Beforeyou spendsubstantialtime and money on a collegeeducation,give plenty of thought to your balancesheet.You If may love math but do you love detailsand paperwork? not, the you to tears.If your painstakingdetail of accountingwork may bore you aspect mathematics, of real love is the creative,problem-solving might be happierin certain kinds of engineeringor computerwork. do To avoid costlymistakes, your homeworkfirst. Check with your in local supportgroup about vocational counselors your area.There for specifically isn'r to our knowledge,vocational testing designed ADDers. But you may be able to latch on to a competentprofessional The information gainedfrom vocawith experiencein ADD issues. your balancesheetand help you make tional testingcan supplement about additionaltraining or higher education. important decisions If you can get by without the eamingsof a summerjob, considerusing your free time to do volunteerwork in your field of interest.You'll it by learn a greatdeal more about a profession experiencing firsthand than readingabout it in a book. you'reconsidering. Ask them detailed Talk to peoplein the profession questionsabout what they do every day.Find out what they like and dislike about their work and think abouthow this fim with your new selfknowledge.Are you cut out for spendingmuch of your working day committeemeetgradingpapers and going to endless writing lectures, If ings? not, you may needto rethink your decisionaboutusingyour love Perhaps becominga freelance of literatureto becomea collegeprofessor. writer would be a more rewarding,though lesslucrative,choice. If you want to attend collegebut have only a vagueidea of your future careerinterests,try to attend a university that offersa variety of degree


You MpnNI'ruNor Lezy,SruproOn Cnezy?!

programs. Talk with a collegecounselor about the course work in various programs. Creditsoften applyacross programs. can usecredits degree You you'vealreadyeamedin a new programif you decideto switch your major.If you plan carefully, you can savewastedtime, effiortand money. You're Grown Up and Still Asking: "What Do I Want to Do When I Grow (Jp?" Even if you've investedtons of money and time in your careerand current job, you don't necessarily have to throw it all away.Beforeyou decideto jump ship, thoroughly examineyour currenrsituation.In many careers, there is latitude for changewithin the profession. Psychiatric and community health nursing,for example,requirecreative problem-solving and a gestaltapproach. Unlike hospitalnursing,they don't includeextensive detail work. In teaching,possibilities exist for a changeof gradelevel or subjectmatter.There are alsooptions for supervisoryor counseling positions. Find Your Niche: Perhaps job you need is the one you already the have,with a twist. You might be ableto find or negotiatea job description that fits your abilities and offersunique benefitsro your company. You may be thinking about beginninga degree programin counseling you feel that you'rewastingyour peopleskills.Beforeyou acr because on your decision,considerpossibilities within your cuffenr organization. Many businesses offer training and consultationservices their emto ployees. Can you becomethe in-housetrainer or consultant? With your individual talentsand someseminartraining, you can offer your services a fraction of the cost your companytypically incurs in hiring at outsideconsultants. Your companymay even be willing to pay for the additionaltraining you'Il need. Match Yourself With Your Job-Start Your own Business: Maybe you'renot a perfectcandidatefor someone's want ad and will need to designa job to fit your qualifications. the oversupply rulesand Is of regulations coupledwith the snail'spaceof changein a largeorganization, unbearable? you shouldexplorewaysof working by and Perhaps for yourself. The difficultiesyou experience someone in else's business may disappear when the business your own. is You may be able to usethe niche you developed within your organi. zation asa jumping-offplacefor other business opportunities. you As


INrrRracrNc IN AcrroN: GETTTNG Ar-oNc ON THr los

you continue to collect a paycheckand gain invaluableexperience, can begin networking outsideyour company.You may at somepoint decide to go off on your own and contract with your previousemployer and other relatedbusinesses offer your services. to As a consulhnt, you have the advantage being your own boss.It can of be easier ignorearbitraryrulesand rigid peopleif you aren't a permto anent employee. You don't have to get caughtup in the office politics and can move on when policiesand peoplestartgettingon your nerves. And it's usuallyeasier be on your bestbehaviorwhen you'rein a new to situationonly for a short time. You may alsobe ableto retain someof the benefitsof workingfor someone else-use of office equipment,secretarial supportand the established network of business contacts. If you chooseto join the ranksof many ADD adultswho start their own businesses, it carefully.Thke a hard look at your balancesheet do and your list of perceivedfinancial needs.Can you affordfinancially and emotionally to live with lesswhile you work at developingyour own business? If you decideto take the calculatedrisk of working for yourself, your use list of assets explorepossibilities to that offer the bestmatch. Keep in mind that working on your own ofrersflexibility but requires long hours your business. alsorequires in the initial stages establishing great of It self-discipline. you'll needto be very careful With no time clock and policy handbook, to establish firm schedule a and set of rulesto keepyourselfon track. After you'vecompletedyour self assessment, the assistance a seek of professional help you develop a business plan for the first three to to five yearsof your new endeavor. business plan will provide the strucA ture, schedules task list an ADDer needsto stayon track. and Temporary Work: Rather than establishingyour own business, you might try temporarywork asa satisfactory compromisebetweenselfemploymentand working for someone else.In temporarywork, you "rent" your skillsby the hour, day or longerbut usuallywork for an agencythat employsa number of temporaryworkers.


You MpnNI'u Nor Lxzy.SruproOn Cnnzy?!

Temporarywork offersseveraladvantages. The ADDer can satisfya restless nature by changingjob settings frequently.Another advantage is the ability to control the hours of work. Many of us find a standard forty-hour,five-daywork week incompatiblewith our unique capacities. Some of us find full time work too taxing. Others prefer working for long stretchesand then taking largeblocks of time off. Many ADDers are alsonight people,unableto function well until the aftemoon.In temporarywork, unusualworking pattemscan often be accommodated. If you'refairly adaptable and can get alongwith peoplefor short periods of time, temping may work well for you. Of courseit doesn't offer carte blanche to do anything you please.If you're irresponsible about completingtasksor developa reputationfor being difficult, you'll stop getting assignments. If you have had a history of employmentfailure,useyour new selfknowledgeto reassess reasons it. Your awareness your balance the for of sheetcan help you realisticallyanalyze your situation,sortingout the problemsthat result from your behavior and those that are related to the behaviorsof others.You may be in a better position to figure out whether you have failed on your jobs or your jobs have failed you. Your new insightsmay even help you becomemore acceptingof the quirks of your colleagues. Your main goalsshould be to improve your work relationshipsand limit the time you spendin interactionsthat are difficult for you. You may decidethat you can and shouldmake somebehavioralchanges. You may decidethat you shouldchangeyour job or career. You may decide that you've alreadymadethe correct choicesand are happy with them. If you decidethat somechanges in order,move slowly and thoughtare fully. Although you need to baseyour decisions your individual on strengthsand weaknesses, don't forget to include your family in the decisionmakingprocess. Maintaining friendships, surviving in groupencountersand interacting job aren't easytasks.But developingintimate relationshipscan on the be even more difficult. In the next chapter,we'll tum to Interacting, Acts IV and V. \7e'11 watch somescenes taking place in dating and


INrrRnRcrNc Acrrox: GrrrrNc Ar-oNcON THEloe IN

family relationships. Thesehigher risk relationships sharesomeelements of the oneswe've alreadyexamined.But they are unique in their depth and complexity and requirespecialcareand nurturing. We'll offer some specificideasyou can useto make them work successfully.


CuRpren 10

lnterfacing6ction: ln ln theDatin and Garne theFarnilv

Tn" "rules" of dating and family relationships similar to thoseof are groupand one-to-onerelationships. The level of complexityand emotional investmentis very different,however.And the stakes much are higher if the relationships fail.

Act Mhe

Dating Game

Sharon and Brad Sharonretums from work to the four messages Brad left on her answering machine.She told him lastweek that shedoesn'twant to seehim anymore but he.isunwilling to accepther decision. He'ssurethat she doesn'treally mean it. He drivesto her apartmentcomplexlate eachnight and leaves notes under her windshieldwipers.He callsher at work several times a day and showsup at her door with flowersand gifts. Brad is heartbroken because knows that Sharon is the only woman with whom he wants he to spendthe rest of his life. Sharondoesn'tknow it, but she is Brad's third "only woman I'11 ever love" in the pastyear.Brad falls deeplyin love-again and again. Angela and Simon Angela and Simon spendeverywaking hour together.They are truly in love and Simon is planning the perfecttime and placeto propose to her. He met Angela just a few weeksagobut winesand dinesher almosteveryday. As weekstum into months,Angela beginsto orchestrate someconflicts that preventher from seeingSimon. \fhen they are togetherthey


INrERrRcrNcIN AcrroN: IN THE DnrrNc Gavr ANn TUE Favnv

have a wonder{ultime, but Angela is beginningto feel a bit closedin. One afternoon,she asksSimon to stopby her house.\7hen he arrives, the anotherman answers door. He tells Simon that Angela is busy and can't seehim now.

Notes: Act IV
With the exceptionof Sharon,all the actorsin the precedingscenes have ADD.'We can only speculate aboutwhy Brad,Angela and Simon feel compelledto behaveasthey do. projectsat Brad may approach new relationshipashe approaches his work-with intensity and impulsivity.He may be accustomed makto ing quick decisionsand getting things done in a hurry. Unfortunately he doesn'tunderstandthat he can't control the women in his life the plans.He can't enjoy way he doesthe factsand figureson his sales' positive relationships and doesn'tgive himself time to considerhis needs-he never evaluates reality of his feelingsof love. the Brad'sproblemswith his relationships may alsoresultfrom his batteredsense self.He may be one of the walking of wounded, believing that he can be emotionallywhole only when he has a "better halfl' Men and women alike can have unrealisticexpectations aboutbeing savedby relationship.But the powerfulmyth of Prince Charming seems be an illusion with greaterappealto women. to " Angela'sbehavior may reflect her insatiability.Although shegenuinely enjoyed Simon'scompanyduring the first months of the relationship, she may have becomebored. She has an ADDer's tendency to become quickly in relationships absorbed and to becomeboredby them just as quickly.As the initial, intensestimulationof her romancehasdwindled, so hasher interestin it. Although Angela probablydoesn'tchart her partners,including Simon, conquests, may leavea trail of discarded she as a reminder of her frequent, intense affairs. Clearly,this behaviorisn't unique to ADDers. Adults may behavethis The specificsymptomsand differences way for a variety of reasons. of however,can engender lessthan admirablebehavior. an ADDer, this


You MraN I'u Nor Lezy.SruploOn Cnnzy?!

Apart from the moral issueof hurting other people,this callousrreatment is alsoself-destructive. The Don Jwn (or DomtaJwn!) lifestyle is initially exciting but getsold and lonely after a while. Over time even friendswho previouslyenjoyedhearingabout the escapades, asking stop about them. An ADDer's chance to form an intimate bond is under. mined by the reputationthat precedes him. While Angela nrns from a closerelationshipwith Simon, he runs headlong towardsit. In most relationshipsthere'sa subtle or nor so subtle tension betweenthe desireto be closeand a fear of that closeness. Simon seems desperately to fight for closeness. Angela seems desperately to fight to protect her individuality which she thinks is threatenedby the closeness. Simon'simpulsivity may alsoplay into the demiseof his relationship with Angela. He drivesthe relationshipwith his needfor closeness. Angela'sinsatiabilityaside, shemay be terrified that Simon will "swalIow" her individuality. Given time, it's possiblethat her love for Simon would win out over her fearsof closeness. shenever getsthe chance But because Simon'sintenseneedfor closeness the precarious tips balance of their relationshipmuch too quickly.Angela would rather loseher love than her identity.

Synopsis:Act IV
pretty gloomy,doesn'rit? Is it time to head our to a hermir's It sounds hut? \7e11, you've beenpayingarrention-sorry, we couldn't help if it-you know how we feel about doom and gloom. It's fine for disaster movies on the big screenbut it's counterproductiveto your recovery. Intimate relationships a sensitive, are delicatevariation on the theme of communication and interfacing. They are danceschoreographed with intricate stepsand have greatpotential for disaster. Dating relationships vulnerableto an ADDer's intensity and imare pairedcommunicationskills.His enthusiasm sparklecan be a srrong or magnetthat initially attractshis love interesr.But over time, his level of intensity can suffocatehis lover. She'sleft gaspingfor breath and backing awayto get somespace. The ADDer, comfortablewith the


INrpnrecrNc AcrroN: IN Tur Dnrnc Gavr ANn THEFnvny IN




" \

\ {t\

intensepace,may not recognize lover'sneed for a gradualprogreshis sion to closeness. Unlesshe is good ar finding peoplewho sharehis intensity,he must teach himself to control his impulses and slow down. In a romantic or sexualrelationship,an individual risksrevealinghimselfbig time! Everyoneshares this risk which is the inherent narureof intimacy.The risk can be greaterfor the ADDer who hasfailed so many timesand in so many differentways.His generalized feelingsof inadequacy,bome of differences he'snever understood, can explodewhen he bares soul and body to a partner.When he daresto revealhimself his to a lover who subsequently rejectshim, he can suffera serious blow to his fragileself-worth. Someadultsexperience ongoingdifficultiesin intimate relationships because they regardthem assafeports from their feelingsof inadequacy. Even with changingroles,many familiesstill condition their daughters to believethat the rolesof wife and mother will prorecrthem. An ADD woman'slife of negativeexperiences reinforcethis myth. can She may believe that the only escape route from her demandinglife is


You MenNI'ruNor Ll'zy. SruproOn Cnnzy?!

through a weddingring and then a diaperbag.She comesto view a partner as a lifeline or safetynet and may scaresuitorsawaywith the weight of her clinging dependency. PR: "A closefriend of mine hasbeenmarriedand divorcedthree times. Beforethe ink wasdry on her divorce degree, she invariably fell in love again.After her seconddate with a new man, shewould call me to describe new love. This wasthe one! I often enviedher ability her to find so many suitablematcheswhile I found myselfhung up on one from which I couldn't extricate myself. As she continued falling in and out of love, I sat waiting for my knight in shining armor.\fhen he finally arrived,he came in the form of a newly divorcedman involved in a new, intenselong-distance relationship. Though we ADDers aren't known for our patience,I wasvery patient. I ignoredhis repeated wamingsthat he wasin love with someone elseand really wasn'tinterested a long term relationshipanyway. in For four years,while my friend remarriedand divorced, I hung around waiting for my reluctant love to fit me into his busysocialcalendar. To saythis waspainful is putting it mildly. I truly believedthat he was my lifeline-l knew with my whole being that I would drown without him. My sightswere set on marryinghim. I knew that my tortured selfesteem would be healedonly when I had his name.I'm surethe only reasonmy dependency didn't totally overwhelmhim wasthat he was so incrediblyindependent. Eighteenyearsand two children later,my reality haschangedconsiderably, not because andme did ultimately becomeoue, in spite he but of it! BecomingMrs. did saveme but not in the way I had imagined. \7hen my lifeline tumed into a weightedanchor that dragged under me insteadof securely holding he, I cut it loose. No, I didn't divorcehim. Incrediblywe're still togetherand the we is still a big part of us. I changedthe equationby addinga stronger, more self-reliantme into it. I alsocut everypicture of PrinceCharming out of my daughter's storybooks.. ." SomeADDers do just fine with intimate relationships-you may be involved in a positive,fulfilling one right now. Or, you may be taking sometime to regroupafter a relationshipyou'vechosento end. On


INrtRnRcrNc IN AcrroN: IN Tut DRrrNc Gavr ANo THE Fnvny

the other hand, you may be strugglingwith repeated failuresin your attemptsto connect with a significantother. If you are,you'll need to analyzethe reasons your failures. for We didn't useour storiesto illustrate what will go wrong in your relationshipsbut what might go wrong. An ADD adult'sdifferences can contributeto problemsin maintaining intimate relationships. underBy standingthe dynamicsof your disorder, you may be able to figure going wrong. If you'reawareof potential hazards, can out what's you be preparedthe next time you meet someone special,to stop and think beforeyou act. Having clarifiedour message-an important part of positive communi. cation -we'll look at somewaysto avoid the pitfalls and improve the quality of your relationships. Here are a few pointerson successfully playingthe dating game.

Survival Tips: Act IV

Play Hard to Gefi You should never utter the words,"l love you" after just a few dates!\Uatch your partner'ssignalsfor cluesabout the pro. gress the relationship.Use the dynamicsof approachand withdrawal of behaviors your advantage. to Even if you immediatelyset your sights on your new love in1s1s51-as both did on our spouses-playhard we to get for a while. This keepsthe desireand fear of closeness proper in balanceuntil the other personhas time to catch up with your willingnessto make a commitment! This approach may soundsomewhat manipulativebut it doesn'thave an evil intent. Let'sfaceit, an ADD adult has to carefullyplan many aspects his life to make them work. \7hy should relationshipsbe of any different? After all, the hard ro ger approachis jusr a variation of learningto stop,think, act and reflect,right? Monitor the Relationship: Spontaneityis a lovely thing but ADDers can get in trouble when freedomreigns.To a certain extent, you'll needto approachintimate relationships you do everythingelseas with carefulplanning and ongoing moniroring. Keep your finger on the pulseof the relationship.If your partner seems skittish,back off


You MrnN I'v Nor Lazv.SruproOn Cnezv?!

and lighten up! \Uhen the intensity level is too high, be lessavailable for a while. Don't swing too far in the other direction either. You can chasea love require Relationships interestawaywith your apparentindifference. The challengefor an ADDer is to continual work and maintenance. sustainattention to the relationshipover the long haul. Work at your communicationskills.Remind yourselfto listen to your partner,askquestionsto draw her out and pay attention to moodsand non-verbalclues. Dontt Lose the ttMett in '(!Vett' Be sureto maintain your usualinnew.This will help you keep a when you begin dating someone terests reasonable distancefrom the relationshipto prevent your total immersion in it. This will alsohelp you maintain your own identity. Watch Your Impulsivity: Impulsivebehaviorcan createan assortment of problemsin an ADD adult'slife. In a sexualrelationship,it sexuallyffanscan causelife threateningtrouble! In this day of serious mitted diseases, more than emotionalwell-beingis at stake.It's wiseto wait a while beforebeginningany sexualrelationship. You may need to make somerulesfor yourselfto prevent impulsive to decisions. Talk to a trustedfriend who seems be in control of his life. Ask for his advice.How long doeshe think a personshouldwait before having sex,saying"l love you" or living with a new romantic interest? Ask how long he thinks a personshouldknow a lover beforemarriage. Use this information to make a vow to wait x-amount of time before taking any of thesesteps. Enlist your friend'shelp with your vow. In many supportgroups, sponsor a helpsthe individual stick to his program. you call on when you'rehaving Your friend could becomethe sponsor trouble sticking with your program,ie. your rulesfor dating behavior. just Stop and Think: If you'refeelingrestless thinking about suchan unbearably slow paceof a relationship,useyour imaginationand conwho of with siderthis. Visualizea wholeLifetime restlessness a spouse you to death! Visualize giant vise systematically bores a tightening


INrpRracrNc IN AcrroN: IN Tue DRlNc Gnur ANo THE Fnvty

down and squeezing all your hard work at recoveryand rebuilding out your sense self. You are worth too much to throw awayyour progress of by impulsivelyhooking up with someone who is wrong for you. The consequences an impulsive marriagecan be heavy,particularly if of children are involved. Debunk the Prince Charming Myth: This one is for women who grew up believing the myth. Don'r look ar everydate as a srepping stone to marriage. Tiy to enjoy your evening of dinner and dancing without visualizing yourselfat the altar! !7atch out for your yeamingsfor Prince Charming! We know we're repeatingourselves the trap is so tempting that it can snareyou but beforeyou realizeit's happening.This comment isn'r a condemnation of the weakness women. It's a reality of a world that still teaches of women to dependon men for their salvation. \Uhen the going getstough in schoolor in careers, easyto indulge it's in fantasies about marriageasan escape route. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a wife or mother.Justmake surethat you make rhe decisionfor the right reasons-out of choice.Don't do it because you feel you can't do anything elseor wanr a way out of your currenr,unh"ppy situation. KK: "'When I wasin my '20's,I madea rule that I wouldn't get married or have children until I had found a sarisfuing way ro supportmyself.I didn't know about ADD then but did have a sense that my survival and self-esteem depended my having a sense competence. on of As an older mother,I enjoyedthe experience wrthout losingmy se[festeem. Motherhood wasa joyful choice rather than a retreatfrom a world I couldn't handle. I kept a part time job asa psychiatricnurse, knowing I could go back to full-time work at any time. I didn't suffer from doubtsabout being justa motherasmany of my peersdid. I think this wasbecause had madea clearand conscious I choice from a posi, tion of strengthrather than weakness."

Act V, Scene 1: Interfacing in the Family

Now we'll examinethe most complexkind of relationship.\7e'11 introduce


You MEaNI'r',r Nor Lnzy.SruproOn Cnazy?!

you to the Bakerfamily to help us explorethe unique issues family inter' of actions.The family includesJan,Tom and their three biologicalchildren, A-y, Zacharyand Jennifer.Each of the five membersof the family has ADD although eachhasslightly different problemsassociated with it. Tom hyperactive Tom, a successful estatebroker,is extremelyrestless, real good living but the family experiences and irritable. He eamsa ongoing financial crises.Everyonein the family spendsthe rnoney asquickly as he can earn it. Tom has a Jeckleand Hyde personalitythat changesat the drop of a hat. He flips back and forth from an enthusiastic, fungrouch.Junand the children are loving man to an irritable, withdrawn alwaysa bit afraidof him. Jan She is more of a gentle Jan isn't particularlymoody or hyperactive. space cadet.She has trouble organizing householdand disciplining the the children. She is so overwhelmedby the demands life that she of just lets them washover her. Having few reserves energyto gain of control of her life, shemanages do little more that surviveeachday. to Amy The oldestdaughterA-y, is an extremelybright, chronic underachiever. She has alwaysbeen a maverick.She has problemsfollowing rulesand fitting in with other children. She'scontinually in trouble at home and at school.Amy shares dad'ssymptoms moodiness, her of impulsivity and hyperactivity.At 13, she's becomingincreasingly rebellious, refusing to take her Ritalin and hangingout with a groupof kids who take drugs. A*y and her dad have an explosiverelationshipsincethey both regularly fly off the handle. She and her mom don't arguea lot but they have a tenuousrelationship.A*y treatsJan with contempt,not even attempting to hide her low opinion of her mother. She can't understandwhy Mom is so wishy-washy about everything. Zachary Ten yearold Zacharyis quiet and rather passive. doesn'tmake He waves.He struggles school and receives in only mediocregrades despite putting in long hoursdoing homework.He's anxiousmost of the time


INrpnrncrNc IN AcrroN: IN TUE DarrNc GaurEANo THp FRvrr-y

and has a number of health problemsincluding asthma,severeallergies and frequentstomachaches. He'sshy and has trouble making friends. Zacharywasevaluated and diagnosed with multiple leaming disabilities and ADD. His psychologist recommended intensivetutoring but the family never has enoughextra money to hire anyone.Jan has taken on the job but can't do it with any regularitybecause she'sso over. whelmedby the detailsof her life. So Tacharystruggles alongwithout the educational help he needs. Jennifer Jenniferis the baby of the family and her parenrsrreat her that way. They place few demands her. At 8 yearsold, she'sa delightful child on with a sunny personalityand an engagingsense humor. She'sfairly of hyperactive doesn'tdisplaythe irritability and moodiness her but of fatheror sister.She channelssomeof her excess energyinto gymnastics, cartwheelingor dancing around the housemuch of the time. At schoolshehasbecomethe class clown, entertainingher peersand keepingher teachers busylaughingthat they ignoreher difficulties so with schoolwork. Her grades even worsethan her brother's, no are but one getson her caseabout it. Her teachers assume that shejust isn't very bright. Her parentsare busyarguingwith each other and with A*y. They work so hard at just surviving that they don't have time to worry about their youngest child. Th"y figurethat at leastthey have one normal child even if she isn't anv smarterthan the rest of their kids.

Notes: Act V, Scene 1

Marriageand child rearingpresentall the challenges we've already discussed then some!The intricacy of the danceof family relationand shipsis dramaticallymore complexthan that of groups, friendships or romantic interactions.In this regard, would like you to consider we thesenew math facts.Are you ready? 1 + 1> 7 7 + l=4 Z + 7= ll plus
'We're not going to tell you quite yet what these equations mean, but


You MEnNI'u Nor Lnzv.SruprnOn Cnezv?!

you're the answers correct.. .Sort of. . .It depends the questions are on asking.\fe'll get back to this in a few paragraphs. As soonastwo, ruleschangeand the the complexity and intensity of the relationship increasewhether or not either hasADD. There are often unrealisticexpectations that the spouse fulfill the rolesof Saviot Mother, Father,BestFriend,Expert will Lover, Tower of Strength, Therapist, etc. Further complicatingthe relationshipof a couple,particularlyastime goeson, is the history they have shared.Communications are colored with memories,both good and bad. An innocent remark can sparkan argumentabout a pasthurt or unresolvedconflict that had an impact on the relationship.If we add a spouse with ADD to the picture,the relationship can changeunpredictably. Jan and Tom weredelightedto find eachother and had an exciting courtship.Janloved the spontaneityof impulsivetrips to the beach and phone callsat 3:00 a.m. Tom loved havingJan help him rememwith his opinions. ber to put gasin the car and agree When A*y wasbom in the first yearof their marriage, they seemed to becometotally different people.The transformationthey experiencedis certainly not unique to ADDers. Virtually all parents,even thosewho carefullyplan their families,sayit's impossible imagine to the magnitudeof the changesthat occur with the birth of a child. This brings us back to the answers our equations.They are correct in if we askthe following questions: plus Wlwt doesone spouse one spouse eqtal? does coupleplusonechildequalt one \Y'/hat V{hat doesonecoupleplustwo childreneqtal? that their problemsresultedfrom babyAmy's Jan and Tom assumed constantcrying. A difficult infant can definitely add stress a relationto ship. Even if Amy had been a calm, placid baby,our couplewould have experienced transformationin their relationship. a


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With the addition of eachchild, the relationships betweenand among family members becomeincreasingly complicated. The complicarions grow not arithmetically,but geomerrically. This may be why parenrs often saya secondchild addsmore than just double the work of an only child. The extra work doesn'rhave nearly asmuch to do with extra laundryor meal preparationasit doeswith an explodingnumber of relationships. Let'slook at what happens the number of relationto shipswhen you add children to a family: The Couple = husbandand wife (plus their individual + s.llective "baggage") The Couple+One Child = husbandand wife husbandand child wife and child husband,wife and child The Couple+Two Children = husbandand wife husbandand first child husbandand secondchild wife and first child wife and secondchild first and secondchild husband,wife and first child husband, wife and secondchlld husband, first and secondchild wife, first and secondchild husband, wife, first and secondchild

Synopsis: Act V Scene1

If computerprogrammers think it's difficult to inrerfacean IBM" and a Macintosh]' we wonderwhat they would think about interfacinga family unit. They would have to programindividual personalities interto facewith the multiple relationships amongfamily members. The dyad of husbandand wife altersthe one:onerelationshipof pre-maffiage days


You MpnNI'v Nor L,+zv. SruproOn Cnezv?!

even beforechildren add to the complexity of interpersonal relationships. Since ADD tendsto run in families,it dramaticallyaltersthe dimensionsof the family unit and exponentially ups the ante aschildren are bom. RaisingADD children is a challengingjob that taxesthe resources of non-ADD parents.Many adoptiveparentscan attestto this. In a family like the Bakerswhere severalpeoplehave the disorder,the potential for discordand communication breakdownis enormous. Doesthis mean that the equation of ADD adult(s) + children = disasterl Absolutely not! It only meansthat the stakesmay be higher and the pitfalls deeperand more treacherous. You may be a wonderful parent! ADDers are lively people.Many can respondto the challenges of child rearing with incredible enthusiasmand avoid the pitfalls by leapingenergetically over theml A decisionasimportant aswhether to bring a new human being into this world-into your world-must be made verycarefully,l Planning this areaof your life may be THE most important job you have.You must stop and think about your balancesheetof strengths and weaknesses. What if you alreadyhad children beforeyou knew anything about ADD? you never considered What if having a family is what you do because not having one?Well, you'recertainlynot alone! Many peoplehave children because their religiousor family script teaches them to. What if you would have loved to plan your family better but medicalscience failed and you ended up with an unplanned pregnancy? Our goal isn't to establishourselves critics of your religiousprinciples as or contraceptivepractices, but to help you think about someimportant issues. You will need to examineyour ADD balance sheetand consider how it fits with parentingand the math of family relationships. If you already have children,we hope the discussion help you clarifii will and better understandthis dimension of your life. The Job of Parenting: ADD adultshave strengthsand weaknesses when it comesto parenting.A typical balancesheetfor an ADD parent may look somethinglike this:


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active creative open-minded compassionate senseof wonder curious enthusiastic passionate

impatient moody intolerant of noise and chaos careless with details shakycommunicationskills limited capacityfor work + srress easilybored impulsive disorganized

good sense humor of

How doesthis balancesheetplay out when you becomea parent?It's hard to saywith certainty.Your child's personalityand the interrelated profiles of you, your spouse, and your offspringall have m_ight becomea parent who yells a lot or is grouchy much of the time. The addednoiseand stress having childr"n -"y'push butronsthat of weren't pushedbefore.You might look at your reflection in a mirror and wonder where the mean, angry personcamefrom. On the other hand, you might take advantage the wonderful "imma. of turity" everyoneusedto criticize.!7ith your children in tow, you can giggle,climb on the monkey barsand sing aloud in the grocerysrore without questionable looksfrom other people.You might effectively useyour compassion open-mindedness roll with the inevitable and to punchesof parenring. Your effectiveness a parentwill be testedby the genericprobability as that one or more of your children are likely ro hav. Ann. Their highstrungtemperaments requirespecialhandling. In somerespecrs will your own ADD uniquely. qualifiesyou asa provider of specialhandling. You have insight unavailableto your non-ADD peers. yo,, haven'r if yet achieveda workablebalancein your life, however,you may still require too much nurturing for yourself.You may be unable to provide the carefulguidance your ADD child needs. Parenting-has been compared a scary, to exciting, unpredictable roller coasterride. \7e submit that when ADD is an issue, parenting becomes joumey. It's like guiding an out of .ontrol rocket a more treacherous


You MEnNI'v Nor Lnzv.SruptoOn Cnazv?!

ship at the speed light towardsan unknown destinationlIs this necesof and sarilyso bad? Justthink of all the teacherconferences emergency room visits our parentswould never have madeif it hadn't beenfor usl \7hat would they have done with all that extra timelJust think how boring the world would be without us. '!7e Can we leam any lessons from this surveyof the family dimension? think the most important one is the need for planning. Your parents probablycomplainedso often about your poor planning and teachers that the very word makesyou uncomfortable.As much asyou may dislike planning, it's probably the singularlymost important thing you shoulddo for yourself.Use the following considerations a frameas work for your "PlannedParenting".The job of parentingis too important to leaveto chance.

Survival Tips: Act V, Scene 1

Spacing of Children: Carefully considerthe spacingof your children. This has nothing to do with the psychologyof spacingas it affectsa child's adjustment.Rather,carefulspacingallowsyou to absorbthe impact If of eachchild on your capacityto handle the additionaldemands.


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you have several children in the space a few years, of you may be pushed your limits beforeyou know it. Spacingbuysyou rhe time you beyond need to make a wisedecision. Personal and Financial Resources: If you and your spouse wanr ro continue full-time employment,can you both emotionallyhandle the secondshift of parenting? not, can you survivefinancially if one parIf ent has only a part time job or staysat homeI Of courseif you're a singleparent,you won't have an option in this regard. Realistic Assessment of Effort and Money: Do your homework. Ask other parents,especially parentsof ADD children, about the work and money it takesto raisechildren. Everyoneknows that children are ex. pensive.But when ADD is part of the financial picture, you'll need to think about the addedexpenses may incur. Your child may need you extrahelp. He may needamongother services, tutoring, speech therapy, psychological medicine or counseling. General Strategies: What resources availableto lighten rhe load? are Are there relativesliving nearbywho arewilling to help?Can you reduce your financial obligations Can you organize work load so eachpar? the ent can have periodicbreaks? lUhen you add children ro your life, you needto be even more ruthless aboutsimplifuingit to maintain balance. Post This List and Reread it at Frequent Intenzals: Each time you consideradding a child to your family, go back over this lisr. Make sureyou are handling what's aireadyon your plate beforeyou dish up another serving.If you and your parrner plan carefullyrlour family relationshipscan be satisfyingonesthat add to the quality of your life. You'll be able to pass to your children your valuable,hard-earned on knowledgeabout overcomingobstacles. Your children can become enterprising, productiveadults.

Act V, Scene 2: Interfacing in the Family

In the following scenes we'll offer a glimpseof the Baker family's inter. actions.They are illustrativeof the complexityof family relationships when ADD is addedto the mix.


You MpaNI'u Nor Lnzv,SruprpOn Cnnzv?!

Jan, Tom and Zachary Jan is tutoring Zachary at the dining room table. Tom walks in and startsto tell her someexciting news about work. When she doesn't by respond, becomes he increasingly exasperated her seeming disinterest. When his raisedvoice finally elicitsJan'srequestto "wait a minute", he leavesthe room in a huff. Tom, Jan and Jennifer at table, drinking his first cup of Tom sitsbleary-eyed the breakfast coffeeand trying to read the newspaper. who is a moming person, Jan day. chats to him non-stop and reminds him that it's garbage Tom finally looks up from his paperand announcesthat the garbage needsto be taken out. Jan testily repliesthat if he'd been listeninghe would know that she'sawareof that fact. Jennifer suddenlyappears out of nowhere to give her startledparentsbearhugs.She is reprimanded for being so rough and slinks out of the room wondering why her mom and dad rejectedher affection. Jennifer, Amy and Zachary room and pounceson the bed to give Jenniferrushesinto her sister's A*y a morning kiss.A-y who is just beginning to wak rp, shoves her off the bed and feelsonly mildly remorsefulwhen Jennifer scrapes her knee on the way down. Now fully awake,A-y headsdown the hall for a showerand lets loosea string of epithetswhen Zacharywalks in to brushhis teeth.

Notes: Act V Scene 2

The Bakerfamily includesfive peoplewhoseindividual deficitscollecAll tively combine to create Chaos theCul-de-Sac. families share on someof their problems-balancing the rights of individual members with the needsof the largerfamily unit. The Bakerfamily has an extra layerof sharedADD disabilitiesthat makesthis balancingact particularly difflcult. Families who live under the sameroof shareboth physicaland emotional spaces. the family is to live peacefully If together,eachmemberhas to of have his fair shareof both. Each of the Bakershas a poor sense physicaland emotional boundaries and impulsivelyinvadeseachother's


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territory. Acting on autopilot most of the time, they bump, jostle and literally stepon eachother'stoesasthey repeatedly missboth obvious for and subtle requests space. ttKeep Outtt is a fairly clearstatement A closeddoor or a sign that says, of a desirefor privacy.Most of us understandits obvioussignificancebut what about the subtle rrorr-Verbal requests privacy?Many of us for I with ADD misreadthese"signs". Thesenon-verbalsignsare the invisible circlesthat peopledraw around their bodiesfor privacy and protection.The circlesdefine the perimeter "Don't come any closerthan of personalspaceand convey the message: the circle I have drawn around me." These circles aren't fixed in time and space. The diameter of your own circle constantly changesaccordingto your mood, circumstances and relationship to the other person.The circle narrowsto encourage a lover or a beloved child to get closeand widens to keep the sffangeror you dislike,at a safedistance. you'reangryor dbpressed, someone If the circle may becomehuge even for loved onesasyou sendout the ttStay Awaytl For an ADDer, the circle sometimesinexplimessage: cably widenswhen he can't stand to be touched or to allow anyone in his immediatevicinitv.

Synopsis: Act V Scene 2

Awareness and respectfor theseinvisible circlesrequiresgood nonof verbalcommunicationskills.Lacking theseskills,the Bakersimpulsively physicalspaces. trounceon eachother'sfeelingsand invadepersonal Since the whole family has ADD, each personhas a unique need for space. Each personalsohas an inability to prevent his needsfrom colliding with the needsof everybodyelse.Privacyis ashard to come by in this family aspeaceand quiet are.The experienceof living in this kind of family is feeling intruded upon and overwhelmed. Most ADD familiesexperience somedegree difficulty in their interof actions.What can an ADD family such asthe Baker'sdo to make its home more of a haven for the peoplewho live there?The first order of business to seea family therapist. is


You MEnNI'v Nor Ltzy. SruproOn Cnazyl!

This family has been in trouble for a long time. They need an objective outsiderto analyzeand balancethe needsof the family asa unit with the individual needsof family members. The therapist'sjob is to help the family system becomehealthier so it can better meet the needsof each member.Right now, the family is too stressed chaotic to pro. and vide the necessary structureand nurturing. '!7e can't emphasize enough that treating a troubled family is not a doit-yourselfenterprise!A Band-Aid approachmay remporarilyslow down the bleeding but it won't stop the hemorrhage!If your family is really in trouble, get professional help ASAP! If your family is basicallyokay and needsonly minor adjustments, that's wonderful. There are severaltechniquesyou can useto supportand build your family system. The following discussion includesspecificsuggestionsfor improving communication and managingboundary issues.

Survival Tips: Act V, Scene2

Creating Living Space Large Enough for the People Who Share It When we talk about living space, you increase we'renot suggesting '!fe'rethat the squarefootageof your houseor apartment! talking about carefullydesigningsufficientemotional living spaceso that family memberscan coexistwith relativeharmony. Teach Respect for Boundary Needs: Suggest that your family vis'We ualizea boundaryas a hula hoop. know we're showing our agesmany peopleunder 35 have never even playedwith one! Anyway, if you have a hula hoop lying around,put it around you to demonstrate your personalcircle. Ask eachfamily memberto picture himself surroundedby his own personalhoop. The room suddenlystartsto shrink in sizeaspeople and hula hoops begin to take up space. everyonestartsto move around in the space, As the inevitable happens.There'sa fair amount of confusionashula hoops start bumping into each other. Each family membershould put rhis imagein his memory bank for future reference.The next time he startsto intrude on someoneelse,


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he may be able to call up the hula hoop imagein his mind. "Seeing" Dad in a hula hoop might just be enoughto makejunior Stop, Look, Listen. . .and Laugh! Design Rest and Relaxation Zones: In many families, there are The den may "belong" to the unwritten rulesregardingprivate space. parents-the children understandthat this spaceis Mom and Dad's from i"tr""t. Similarly, the children often usetheii bedroomsasescapes the demandsof the family. ADD families need to establishwritten rulesregardingthe boundaries of privacy.Each memberof the family should have his own designated could be the balcony,the hall or zone.In a small apartment,this space half of a sharedbedroom.Each family memberhas a right to privacy else. and needsa private retreat-a placethat is off-limits to everyone to Lunch" or "TemporaryShutdown" signscan indicate current "Out zone. o occupationof a personal




You MrnN I'u Nor Lnzy,SruprnOn Cnazyl!

This provision for down timeis essentialto forestall the negativebehaviors of frustration. Each personhas a right to state his need for space. \Uhen he makesthe request,other family membersshouldn't talk to him or expect a response. The samerules apply about being touched.If someonedoesn'twant to be touched,his wishesmusr be respected. Designated QuietZones: You should also designate specificquiet zonesin your home asplacesfor reading,studyingor resting.The television and stereoshould be in an areawith a door that can be closed. This areashould alsobe asfar awayaspossiblefrom the quiet zones. A soundproof room for noisy equipment would be ideal but most homes don't have this luxury. One option is to establisha rule that TV or stereousersmust useearphones. Rules for Communication and Respect for Boundaries: You can'r take anything for grantedin an ADD family! You need to designstructured rulesto protect the emotional and physicalcirclesof family mem. bers.Someof thesesuggestions may be helpful: rSet Aside Speciftc Time Periods for Quiet when the TV should be tumed off and the answeringmachine tumed on. Develop a family schedulewith designated times for studyingor other quiet pursuitsas well astimes to be togetherasa group. oObsenze a Period of Silence when the noise level is too high or emotions are getting out of control. .Require Each Family Member, Includittg Parents, to Ask Per, mission beforeborrowing anything from someoneelse. olmpose a Stop-Look/listen-Speak 'lUhen Procedure for all commu. nication betweenfamily members. a conversationis in progress, the personenteringthe room must wait until he'sinvited to join in. If someoneis doing somethingthat requiresconcentration, such asreading or paying bills, he shouldn't be interrupted exceprfor an emergency. oDetermine What Constitutes an Emergency. An untied shoestring can be an emergency an ADD child. You may need to discuss for and make a list of real and perceivedemergency situations.Insist that everyone refer to the list beforeintemrpting a conversationin progress. an If


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Gnue ANo THe FRutlv

everyoneshould abideby the following rules. interruption is necessary, attention by gently tapping him on the shouldet wait Get the person's and then excuseyourselfbeforeyou begin to talk. for a response .Prohibit All Long Distance Conversations except for announce. ments that the houseis buming down! Yelling up the stairsor shouting from another room to find someoneis a no-no. There are two reasons for this. First, if family membershave to strain to hear, they will freAn quently misinterpretthe message. ADDer can have enoughtrouble without the addedburden of trying to messages sendingand receiving talk to someonein another room. Second,it's rude! Yelling upstairsto ger someoneto come down is a lot like calling the dog-and it feels like it too. ouse Intercoms. You might want to invest in someintercomsto communicatewith people in other parts of the house.Be carefulnot to it. A buzzingintercom everyfive minutes can be as annoying asa bellowingvoice! .Prohibit All "On The Run" Conversations. Thlking to someone while you rush to finish a task, isn't conducive to effective communication. The intended recipient of this one-wayconversationhas to around listen to a programthat fadesin and out or follow the speaker contribute to are on his travels.On the run conversations rude and miscommunication. oEnforce a Rule to Prqhibit Unwanted Teasing or Joking about ADDers often read the literal meaning of individual family members. and messages missthe intended meaning.Since impulsiveADD family often fail to notice the discomfortof others,their teasingcan members into perceivedfull-scaleattacks.Teasingcan feel like quickly escalate to torture and must not be permitted. All requests stop teasingmustbe joke shouldn'tbe labeleda party pooperor The butt of the respected. poor sport. If a joke hurts someone,it's not funny. oSet Up a Message Center in a prominent place. The kitchen may be a good place for this as it's often the center of family activities. The best location is near a phone with an answeringmachine. Preferably, The center the spaceshould have a counter or deskfor a writing surface. a bulletin board,a method for filing mail and important should include papers,a large calendarand an ample supplyof paper and pens.


You MeaNI'u Nor Llzy, SruproOn Cnezy?!

The bulletin board needsto be sufficiently largeto provide a specific section for each family member and one for the whole family. Keep extra coloredpapertacked in eachsectionor usecolor posr-it p"ds. Eachfamily membercan have a personalized color that makesit easy to p_ost retrievemessages. white boardmay be a goodbackdrop and A to the colorednotes.Be surethat everyone, including sma[ children, can reachthe bulletin board. The General. Messages is for anyrhing the whole family needsto area read.The rest of the board should be divided into secrionsfor individual family members. Make a rule that everymessage must include the 'Whenever signature the personwho postedit, the date and the time. of possible, telephonecallsshouldbe handledat or switchedro, the mes. sage centerphone. Encourage family members make a habit of checkingthe message to center several times a day and everytime they comehome. As soon as someone readsa message, shouldremoveit from the board.This will he reducevisual clutter and improve the odds that the family won't overlook postedmessages. someone If addsa generalmessage the board, to he shouldinitial it at the bottom. As eachpersonin tum readsthe message, shouldadd his initials. The last readerwill know that everyhe one elsehasseenthe note and that he shouldremoveit from the board. Besides looking for postedmessages, personneedsto check his each mail slot and listen to the answering machine.Phonecallsshouldbe addedto the board and the tape should be rewound.Beforemaking any plans,everyoneshouldcheck the message center's mastercalendar for important family dates. 'We're not suggesting that familiesdo all their communicatingby way of the message center! Putting things in writing can a big help, how. ever.Otherwise,an ADD child might forgetto menrion rhar Dad is stranded with a flat tire and Sisteris in the emergency room with a broken arm! A disorganized ADD family can truly benefit from a structured systemthat tracksfamily messages appointments. and oContinually Monitor Your Family's Emotional Tiemperature: Monitoring your personal stress level is important, but in your excitable,roller'coaster ADD family,the effectof workloador srress snowballs.It's similar to what happensto the numberof relationships when


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you add new family members:7+1is greaterthan 3. This is how it happens.One of the children comeshome after a bad day at school and is bouncing o{f the walls. Mom arrivesan hour later in a bad mood after a difficult day at work. In a matter of minutes,Mom and the hyperactivechild are at each other'sthroats as the child's of noise and activity irritate a mother who has no reserves patience. The fight that eruptsputs everyonein the family on edgeand before long the housefeelslike a war zone. level of each personhas such a profound effect on the Because stress the family, it's important to monitor the demandson the family as a whole. If an individual family member is pushinghimself too hard and it feelsirritable asa consequence, isn't just an individual matter.If the makesrelaxation family asa whole is trying to do too much, the stress and down-time,impossible.

Beforewe closethis chapter,we want to at leastmention the wider in-laws,aunts,uncles, family circle-the extendedfamily.Grandparents, etc., will all have an impact on the dynamicsof your family.Their supportor lack of supportcan be a powerful influence on your efforts '!7e can't examine this issuein depth ADD family. to be a successful in the because subjectis too complicatedto address a few sentences. \fe'd like to write another These chaptersjust scratchthe surface. on exclusively ADD family relationships. book that focuses we're going to address But there are someother important family issues next chapter.With family relationshipsasthe backdrop,we'll in the unique revisit the Baker family to examine somemanagementissues to the functioning of the family.


CHaprEn 11

Mania Mealtime From Ordeals: toOutins Discord How-To'sDecreasing of

Tn. family is a microcosmof society.It includesindividual and group of and rules.It's a system multiple interpersonal rights, responsibilities relationships that must be carefullymanaged. Hundredsof sociologicalstudieshave exploredthe entity of the family nor and how it functions. Since we are neither sociologists family therapists,we don't presumeto be expertsin thesefields. \7e do, however, The ADD Families of expertsin two specificareas: considerourselves could fill volumesas Kelly/Pentz and Ramundo. Our experiences we'resureyourscould too. \7hen we usethe word expert, we useit humbly asa reflection of our We of not lifetime experiences, asa measure our expertise. can't give we you all the answers aboutADD familiesbecause don't have them! and the collective experiences We can sharesomeof our observations of other ADDers and their families.\7e'll rejoin the Bakerfamily to help us do this. Our previousvisit with them provideda glimpseof a family living in your family in you recognize the sitcomChaoson theCul-de-Sac.If the description of the Bakers,do you have to resignyourselfto being part of the neighborhood? there anything you can realisticallydo to Is \Ue're going to take take on make your family life more manageable? the role of the Baker family's therapist to find someanswers. we'll encourage To begin unravellingthe family'scomplexproblems, each family member to communicateher own version of the Baker FamilySrory.This sharingwill have to happen over time and within of an atmosphere mutual support.


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most of the time. I know I angryand worthless Tbm: "I feel helpless, people,but I just can't seemto losemy tempertoo much and it hurts help it. The angry words are out of my mouth beforeI know it. I feel cringing belonely too. Jan doesn'tseemto know I exist unlessshe's busywith something.She doesn'tlook causeI got mad. She'salways me in the eye and never paysattention to me when I try to talk to her. I'm scaredall the time. I worry that I can't keep pretendingI'm in control. Work just takesit out of me. \Uhen I get home, I don't have to any energyleft for my family. I'm supposed be strong-the man of I the family-but sometimes feel asthough I'm just barelyhanging on." Jan: "I feel as if I'm under water all the time, fighting to swim to the surface never getting there.No matter what I do, I never seemto but get anything accomplished. work hard to take care of the houseand I family but I never have anything to show for it. The place is alwaysa messand we never seemto have a moment of peace. Everyoneis alwaysfighting. I'm a failure.Tom and Amy are alwaysyelling and putting me down. I probablydeserve I'm pretty useless." it. thinks I'm just a rotten kid but they have no idea Amy: "Everybody really feel. I'm scared that I'll never be able to make it asa grownhow I but up. I know I'm a "smartass" that'sjust a cover-up.I'm mean,have terrible moodsand can't seemto get it togetherto do anything worthwhile. What am I going to do when I finish high schooll With my grades, probablywon't make it to collegeand I'm not fast enoughto I I Sometimes wish I were more like do somethinglike waitressing. Zachary.I make fun of him for being a wimp but he's a nicer person I than I am. Sometimes wish I weredead." Zachary: "l hate the fighting at my house.Even when my family is laughingor joking, I'm alwayswaiting for somethingterrible to happen -for Dad or Amy to start a big screaming match. I can't stand it when peopleyell because noisehur$ me. I don't know how to protect the I myself.I get so mad sometimes just want to yell at them to shut up but I can't get the wordsout. It's hard enoughto talk when I'm feeling I calm. \fhen I get upset,I get so confused can't think straight.I feel like a dope. I work harder in school than anybodyI know but I still get I'm mostly C's. My dad getsimpatient with me because not good at to sportsand I won't stick up for myself.Mom seems like me better but


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never has enoughtime to help me with schoolwork. I hate ro even askher because seems busyand tired most of the time. I know I she so cause lot of trouble because hear mom and dad fighting all the rime a I about my doctor bills. I wish it wasmore peacefular my house." at hate dinnertime because Jennifer: "lt's crazy my house!I especially it takestoo long. Everybody's alwaystelling me, Sit down, Jennifer.. . Be quiet, Jennifer.. .Stopfalling off your chair,Jennifer.I can'r stand to sit there all that time. I'd rather be outsideplaying.I like it when my family tells jokesbur a lot of timespeopleyell and get in fights. I hate the yelling. Most of the time, I don't think my family even notices I'm there. My mom and dad don't even seemto care when I bring home D's on my papers. They do saythat ir's roo bad I don't g.t gt"d.t for my talking because soundso smart.I wish they would *"tih n I danceand do gymnastics but they're too busytalking, doing other "stuff or fighting. I don'r like going to school either. My teichershake me be quiet and sit in my searunril I want to jump right out of my skin!" It's obviousthat nobody in this family is happywith the way things are going! There'sone common thread that weavesthrough everyone's storyin the Bakerfamily: the noiseand emotionallevelsaretoo intense. Tom and Amy don't directly complain about the noisebut we can observetheir sensitivitiesto it. Their hot tempersescalate direct in response sensoryintrusions.They alsohave someawareness the to of impact of their yelling on orher family members and don'r feel verv good about it. Familieswho deal with the dynamicsof ADD facenumerouschallenges every day.\7e can't discuss them all but we can examine two that aie illustrativeof several fairly common problemsin an ADD familyMeabimeMania and Outing Ordeals.

Mealtime Mania
It's Mealtime Mania at the Bakerhouse. There areseveral poorly trained dogswho bark, jump up and beg for food throughout the meaf.Amy and Tom who are both sensitiveto noiseand touch, constantlyyell at the dogsand push them awaybut do little elseto train them. Jennifer addsto the generaldiscordand busyness the family meal by jumping of


MrruTrus MaNn OurrNc To ORorRLs: How-To's DrcnensrNc Fnou Or DrscoRo up and down to danceor tum cartwheels. go Three separate, one-wayconversations on asAmy, Tom and Jennifer talk non-stop to no one in particular. Zacharyand Jan try to follow but the conversation quickly tune out asthey becomeoverwhelmed by the chaos. dinnertime wandering Jan rarelysitsdown at the table.She spends napkins absent-mindedly. She fetchesthe forgotten items of silverware, or food that took longer to cook than the rest of the meal. Zachary quietly fadesinto the woodwork,trying to eat his dinner without getting a stomachacheand hoping that a big fight doesn'tbreakout. He knows that his mother won't be much help in avertingthe battle that will inevitably ensuebetweenhis father and sister, A-y. The anticipatedknock-down,drag-outfight betweenTom and Amy is at a common occurrence somepoint in the meal.Both have hair trigger temperscoupledwith foot in mouth disease. This lethal combinaremarksthat iion meansthaieach of them frequentlymakescareless touch off an explosion in the other. Both Tom and Amy tend to hear only half of what is saidand to misinterpretthe other half. Sometimes chaosis fun with lots of joking and fooling around. the \7hen Tom'sin a good mood, he likes to becomea kid again,telling and food fights.Jan silly jokesand instigatinganimal noisecontests and Zacharydon't participate very much but they laugh and enjoy the anticsof the othersduring theseh"ppy times.They're alwaysa little nervousthough, knowing that when things get out of hand, the party will rapidly and disastrously change.They know that Tom atmosphere and Amy, the instigatorsof much of the rowdiness, unpredictable are and irritable.The mood of the gatheringcan changeabruptlyif either steppingon of them becomes annoyed with the noisiness by someone or their toes. to Easilyenraged, their angerquickly generalizes everyoneelsein the yell at Jan for burning part of the dinner, at family. They frequently Jennifer for leaping around like a frog and at Zacharyfor sitting like a bump on a 1og. Invariably,Anty stompsoff beforethe meal is over sinceshehasbeengroundedto her room "for the rest of her life".


You MrnN I'v Nor Lnzy.SruproOn Cnazy?!

Zacharyfeelssick to his stomachand can't eat and Jennifer dances aroundat a manic pace.Sometimes atmosphere dinner isn't as the at much chaotic as it is deadlysilent and chilling with everyonebrooding and poisoningthe environmentwith silent misery.

Notes: Mealtime Mania

With their difficult remperaments, A-y and Tom seemto dominate the picture in the Baker family. But they're not singularlyresponsible for the impaired family interactions.Each of the family membershas shakycommunication skills and a limited capacityfor stress and stimulation. Individually and collectively,thesebehaviors conrribureto the family chaosand stress level. If you plug the individual behaviorsinto a chart of family interacrions, you can understandhow things get so out of hand for the Bakers.As family tensionescalates, becomes increasingly more disorganized J". and disengages herselffrom the family. Tom getsmore stressed as out the burdenof disciplinefalls on him. With his short fusedtemper,he's ill-equippedto handle it. He feelsincreasingly angryat Jan'sfailure to take chargeof the houseand children. It's not that Tom is a sexist pig-he and Jan had agreed the division of labor when shequit her on job to stayhome. Tom getsburned out easily. After a day at work, he can do little but collapse. A-y desperately needsfirm, calm, structureddisciplinebut doesn'tget it. Zacharydoesn'racrivelybother anybody, but through no fault of his own, puts greatdemands family financial and emoon tional resources. Jennifercontributesto the noiseand chaoslevel with her clowning and hyperactivity.She must leam to take responsibility for her behavior.Unfortunately, there isn't anyoneavailableto teach her how to do it. The Bakerfamily is a groupof related individualswho have compelling needsfor structure,supportand understanding-but there doesn'tseem to be enoughto go around.Having fewerchildren probablywould have helped,but it's too late for that option. It isn't too late, however,for the family to make someimportant changesto reducethe chaosand tum the volume down. If Mealtime Mania seems be a wav of life for to


How-To's Or DrcnrnstNcDtscoRo Fnov Mrru Trur MnNraTo Ourrxc ORoERLs:

your family, think about theseideasand considertrying them.

Survival Tips for Decreasing Discord

Reduce or Eliminate LJnnecessaryDistractions3 During meals,the machineshouldbe turned on or the phone shouldbe taken answering off the hook. The televisionor radio shouldbe tumed off and the newspapershouldbe put in anotherroom. The family dogsshouldbe trained to stay awayfrom the dinner table or should be kept in another room the until the meal is over.To further minimize the extra distractions, for one of its dogs. family might considerfinding a new home Establish a Family Signal: The signal cueseveryonethat the noise level is getting too high. Make a family rule that a moment of silence for child, signals if will be observed anyone,including the youngest less noise. Make a "No Arguments at the Dinner Thble" Rule: Conflict isn't all bad but mealtimebattlesaren't very goodfor the digestive at Argumentsshouldbe shelvedand resumed a designated system! time and placefor discussion. Plan a Weekly "Work Detail" Ahead of Time: This should include for a list of individual responsibilities meal preparationand settingand shouldrotate thesejobs from week clearingthe table.Family members much last minute confusion.There is to week.Preplanningeliminates nothing more chaotic than an ADD family trying to work together pitch in without the direcrion of a plan! \fhen other family members wanderto help, the cook is free to join the family insteadof aimlessly follow a rule that no ing around fetching things. The family should one sitsdown to eat until the meal is on the table. Maintain Order by Establishing Struchrre: Meals should have a structurefor dinner conversation.Structure,ordercarefullydesigned What happenedto the idea of home asthe what is this, boot camp? place you can let your hair down and be yourselftLettingyour hair else's down is fine as longas Jou don't droPit in someone foodt In families with ADDers, there is a goodpossibilitythat letting one'shair down into a family free-for-a11. will disintegrate


You MreN I'u Nor LAZy, SruproOn Cnazy?l

Structureand order can take the form of a family ritual or tradition. The ritual signals the beginningof special, sharedfamily time. It can help family members asidethe stresses the day,concenrrate put of on being with eachother and becomeawareof the comforrable haven of home. \7hen the family hasgathered, grace,recite a poem or sing s?y a song.Tiy a "Show and Tel[" time for sharinganecdores telling or jokes.Beginyour meal with word games, trivia or threadedstoriesthat eachpersonbuilds on in tum. The ritual can be anything. The idea is to imposestructureso family members take turns and learn to listen to eachother. Change the Rules: If someone having a difficult day or is particuis larly hyperactive, sheshouldhave permission leavethe table.Just to be sureto have an established procedure requests missfamily meals. for to If All Else Fails, Eliminate Family Meals: They are a lovely convention and can help familiesconnecr.In an ADD family,however,the disadvantages a family meal can ourweighthe advantages. of \7hen temperamental characteristics come togetherin a small space, the mixture can be combustible!


How-To's Or DgcngnsrNc DrscoRo Fnov MEnl TruEMnNrnTo OurrNc ORoraLs:

PR: "Family mealsarenothing more than a memoryfor my family.During our initial visit to our therapist,we decidedthat our nightly ritual frequently destroyed otherwisereasonable and had to be eliminated. day an sportingevent with a Our family mealsresembled hotly contested My angryopponents. hyperactiveson is particularlysensitiveto smells and is an extraordinarilypicky eater.Jeremyspentmost of our tortuous dinner hour falling off his chair and usinghis gifted verbal skills to comparethe smell of the meal to variousdecayinganimals.My husband perfrormed head coach of the opposingteam. He spent most of the as the lack of food in his parents'mountain village mealtimedescribing to in southemltaly. He usedeverymeansat his disposal forceJeremy to my referee's cap,quoting scientificresearch support to eat. I donned my assertion that our son would not die of malnutrition-and I attempted to maintain order. The compromisethat Dr. Melowsky helped us reach reducedthe stress and brought peaceto our kitchen. \7e decidedthat we would invite Jeremyto dinner but he wouldn't have to join us.The dinner rule was that he could decline to eat with us but had to refrain from character assassination his mother'scooking. \7hen he finally got hungry he of for would be responsible fixing his own sandwichand cleaningup after himself. I suppose one could arguethat we gavein to our son by letting him skip the family meals.But the key is that we didn't eliminate our rules. \7e simply changedthem to meet our family'sneeds.The family harlooks of outmony hasbeenwell worth the skepticaland disapproving who don't understand dynamicsof ADD." the siders 'We're going to leavethe family dinner and join the Bakerfamily in an Outing Ordeal.\7e invite you to join the scenealreadyin progress.

Family Fun: An Evening at the Movies

The Bakerfamily is getting readyto go out for a movie and Jan feels moment. As usual,shefeelsperplexed more anxiouswith eachpassing that she'salwayslate for everything. Beforethe children were bom, on shehad alwaysmanaged get to appointments time. She doesn't to


You MrnN I'v Nor Lazx,SruproOn Cnazvl!

stop long to ponder this because Jenniferinterrupts,askingwhereher purseis and A-y engages in combatover the outfit shewon't be her caughtdeadwearing. As shebeginsto put on her make-up,Tom demands consultationon a his slacksand the color of his sweater. Amy's discoverythat her blouse is wrinkled sends Jan running to the laundryroom ro iron it. Now immersedin distractions, momentarilyforgetsthe time deadlineand she decides pick up the dirty laundryon her way downstairs. to \fhen she getsto the basement, startsworking on a stainedpair of jeansand she throwsAmy's blousein the washerinsteadof ironing it. The timer sheset asa waming for the family to finish their prepararions, goesoff. Jan realizes with a start that shehasgotten off track again! She arrivesback in her bedroomto Jennifer's bloodcurtlingscreams for protection againstA*y who hasthreatenedher with death if Jennifer doesn'tstop hiding her shoes. rhe time ticks awayand the As stress mounts,the yelling gerslouderaseveryoneblamessomebody elsefor the problemswith getringreadyon rime. Finally all the members the Bakerfamily are ready16ls2ys-everyof one exceptJan. Zachary,the only personwho took care of himsell attemptsto come to his mother'said asthe rest of the family accuses her of making the family late, again!

Notes: Outing Ordeals

Many of us with ADD aren't well known for our punctuality.With our time sense, lack thereof,we regularlyset new records travel time or for from point A to point B. Somehor, we manage climb in our cars to precisely the moment we'resupposed be arriving at our meeting at to on the other sideof town! \7e have trouble organizing, ger we distractedand we routinely forget things. Getting oneselforganized be somewhere a cerraintime is difficult, to at but getting an entire family organized infinitely more complicated! is If your family is anything like either of ours,gemingdressed out and the door for an outing is a major production.Jan can't figureout why she's alwayslate but it really isn't hard to understand. you multiply If


Fnov MEal Trvr MaNrnTo OurrNc ORoEer-s: How-To's Or DrcnpasrNc DrscoRo

the difficulty by the number of peoplein a family, the extra time required growsexponentiallyasfamily relationships when eachnew do memberarrives. This sceneis avoidableif the family designs action plan. Without a an specificplan, an ADD family'sOuting Ordealswill continue.The following suggestions might be usefulfor your family'saction plan.

Survival Tips for Outing Ordeals

Identify Individual Dynamics: The first step is for each family member to identifu her unique contributions to the family'sdisorganization. It's easyto point the finger at someoneelse-each family member doescontribute to the generaldisorganization and chaos.A more productiveapproachwould be to help eachfamily memberdecidewhat sheneedsto do to be readyon time. Then the whole family can come togetherand figure out an action plan. For instance, Jan may requirean uninterruptedhalf hour to get herself togetherand Tom may needhelp choosinghis clothing sincehe'scolorblind. If Tom and Jan discuss their needsin advance, they can strike a bargain.Tom can agreeto give Jan the time sheneedsby running interferencewith the kids and savinghis own requests until she's ready. Jan give Tom her undivided attention to help him choosean can agreeto oudit after she'sready. Establish Family Responsibilities: The family needsto think through the choresthat must be done beforeanyonecan leave.\7ho will feed the dog and put her in the basement? !7ho will have the responsibilities for tuming on the porch lights and answeringmachine?The division of labor shouldbe explainedand assigned advanceto each in of the family members. The planning may even need to include things such as a bathroom scheduleto avoid the problem of everyonetrying to get in to one or two bathroomsat the sametime. It would alsohelp if everyonegets dressed and readyin separate areas they don't distract one another. so Clothing should be assembled laid out well in advance,so there's and time to do neededlaundryor repairs. Prepare a Work Detail for the Family: To reducethe number of "l


You MrnN I'u Nor Lnzy.SruproOn Cnnzy?!

forgot's"or "'What am I supposed do's",give everyoneher own checkto list of responsibilities. Reduce Distractionss It never fails that the phone rings in the middle of preparations. Take it off the hook or rum the answeringmachine on. This isn't the time for readingrhe newspaper watching TV or either. The "No Distractions"rule for mealtimesshouldapply aswell. The televisionshouldbe off-limits,the newspaper other readingmare. or rial set aside,and the stereotumed off.If someone operates more efficiently with background music,sheshouldwearheadphones reduce to the distractions other family members. for Set a timer: Jan'suseof a timer is a good idea but sheshould probably set it to sounda warning and then a final signalwhen it's time to leave. To allow for a margin of error, the departuretime should should be set earlierthan is really necessary. nice to have extra time to clean up It's the dirt from the flower pot Jennifer knocks over when she cartwheels into it! If it's important to get to an event on time, a pre-wamingsignalshould be set.This giveseveryone plenty of time ro gerdressed readybeand fore the secondwaming rings.Family members can read,watch TV or play short games during the extra time. If all this carefulplanning seems like roo much work, weigh it against the stress and conflict your family experiences when it operates the in usualfashion.Tiv it both wavsbeforevou decide.

\7e have exploredsometechniques creatingthe important balance for of rightsand responsibilities within the ADD family.But implemenration can be tricky. HOW CAN YOU ESTABLISH RULES WHEN EVERYONE IN YOUR EAMILY HAIES RULES AND RESISTS FOLLOWING THEMI This dilemmawill be our focusin the following chapter.\Ue'll offer a frameworkfor designinga system family government that fosterscoof operationand minimizesconflict. 778

CHnprr,n 12 -

Principles Governmenf: of Familv Stvle

S,r.."rrful familiesoperateasdemocraticinstitutions.The parentshave specificrights and responsibilities and so do the children. Collectively worksthrough the experience living in the of they leam how the process family unit. It is understood that eachmemberplaysa different role and contributesdifferently to the effectivefunctioning of the group.In ADD families,however,the interplay of yorz and me rslessclearlyunderstood. poised, ready Similar to a country undersiege, ADD family stands the for defensivemaneuvers attack. Since variousfamily members or may resistfollowing rulesor have trouble with the give and take essential to successful relationships, continual conflict may becomea way of life. power struggles. It's difficult to eliminate thesecounterproductive But it is possible reducetheir frequencyand intensity.To help you accomto plish this, we'd like you to think about the model of family govemment that follows. If you can make your family'ssystemof government more democratic,you may find that things will go more smoothly. In the mini-society of the family, the parent must assume role of the president. you'rea parent,the ultimate responsibility a successful for If govemmentis yours.But everypresidentneedslegislativeand judicial bodiesthat provide a systemof checksand balancesand a method for ensuringcomplianceof rules. Everypresidentneedsan advisorycouncil. The key to establishing a workablesystemin your family is sharing authonty. sharedfamily tfu A governmentmeansthat each personfunctions asa participant in the


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UO NVE'\ no^ IiAZVUS Crdnrs'LZvl rON h{,1

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'ef,uo re Surqlfuena xlj t(uef,nod rng 'tueuodurl aq Leru[r.{I 'lsr1rnol, uo ](ueJB rer{l s8utqr [q pelcenslp ta8 t,uop pue sraqto ar{t arou81'noi{ or leadde]Bql seaplaqt ot rueqt qrtetu ot ful pue a1,bs relnf, lenpl^lpur pue sruelqord -1rred rno[ ]noqe Iult{I 'Iro^\erueq e sBlsrl peznrJoud rno[ asn'rno11o; aqt rBqt seaplpue uorssnf,srp replsuoono,(sV 'ruo]sAs leuouezrue8ro Llleuosred rnoL grlm petrBlsra3 no,{dl".{ III^\ rq pallerapslr{J peu8rsap aqt iqtuoru snornerd o] peurnr IIns repuelef, rno[ s12SumrogJe^o a8egre8 suBJ rno[ ery iLlssalaref, punoJe
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tI i,{ezne ^\orqt pue a8unld aql e{Bl 'Surqleulos pesn t(ueleq JeAof,sIP lllts no^ rer{t retel sqtuoru IBJaAes 'eraqn noL uagl1 'A\el^er tuenbesqns Jlar{t ro; arull B elnPeqf,sPUB -etuos [ezn eqf ]o lno Jo tesolf, B uI rueqf lnd 'saxoq o^\l Jaqlo rno/, uo 'a8ero]s azItuIXBuI slsrl s(luetuof, adel 'looqetou rnoA ur Jepulruer e lo[ 'saceld elglssecre ot sa^leqs Sut8ueq ro esecToog e /.nq ot Peau noL;1 uI li11peer stuetl pasn [leutlnor aseqt Surrrnd '*oq lsrg rnoli,qrlnt {rol1 .xoq erull 3uo1 B uI pesn t(ueABH rnoL ul ll rnd rsnf ',lou Jol 'll lnoqe Surlulqf erult etsely\t(uop 'Sutqlaruos dael ol Jaqlaqt\ lBqA/\lnoqe rqnop q JI 'au!I?uo1D :urpasnl(uaftDHPUBasn {l1vuosnrro :sexoq poleqel Lpealc o/!\t Jo euo otul ro uEf, a8eqre8 eql q oB ppoqs esle 3u1ql -Lreng 'xoq aLull a\i noL Butgr lly asn B ut ,{,cuanber;lear8 qrrrn ssof,f,B -Lue tnd 'sratJels JoC 'esn jo /.cuenba5 Jlar{t ol SurprocJe ulooJ qf,Be uI srcelqo eq] eteredes[11ecls^r{d:sexog ftg aalqa qfr aJrla$notr urrv 'tuooJ qceo ul rannlJ eqt tno Sutreelf, Irod\ ot la8 PUB{ceq etuof, ot erurt B elnpar{cs 'alaldurof, sr tsrl rnol, ueql6. 'fuoureru lue3eJ uI erull 'esn lleuunor no,t s8utqr aqr ,(ue pasn t(ueneq pue osn /.11euorsef,Jo :8urqr,{.reneazuo8etBf,pue surunloc aan{t ut reded rnoA ePI^lC 'sruetl asn nor{ ueryo d\ot{ Jo elou B eTeru 'fuoluenut rnori,op nod sy snorJBA

Jno^ueqr Jeqto secldr{ueurur srededsaeu snoeuel puB saurze8eu -larsnu purj II,nod'fuolua^ur plorlesnoqrno[ op no[ uaqn\ tBr{] teq aA\ saurze8el{ pue s.rededsrraaN :at]nlf, PIor{ 'erots>looq -esnoqlo sef,JnosJo e lsnl rB ^\eJ ul Tool s(]eltng lBlol rno,{, 'plrom rno[ Iooq dletlgas B ruo5 seeplra8 uec no1 Jo ]Jntseqt Jo tsour Sur8eueru aqt ot tr alBel II,arA. gtl,ntno,{dleq ot stradxeuouezrue8ro noL rer{r;lasrno'(af,ur^uocsdeq t(uo^\ [11eer ilJnrssn{t Jo ,i.ueesnJeAe -rad 8urnr1 rno,(ruog srcalgoesag]eloruer 11,no,{ lV 'rl pue eceds tseel ur Sutqlauos peeuLllenluanano[ ]uone ,i1e>I1un ur Lpueq lsrl rno[ eqt dea; 'Jrlte ro a8ere8 rno[ ul ]l erotspue esnoqrno/,;o rred ureu eql ruorj tr alorueg 'xog pr,pJsre Kpoag ol $outyy 'quno; B ot rueqt Surnoru 'srualrpasnunaqr eruostno A\oJr{t JeprsuoJ ot }lesJnol,Suuq t(uef, Jo 'peuetsno[ uer{^ruaqr rer]drua[lqeraplsuof,saxoqg]lrn IIIts no^ JI 'slcaqc crpolred dn ra|! 'uel qsertrno'{;o pue l,lqeqord11,noL IBreAes esnIBJeqll e>[eur erun Llqeqords,tr'peqcnotunureruersexoqrnod;1 o] 'uortEcol elqlsserf,B eJoru ol B Surqraruos tr aloru Jo sr tr erer{mtr enBel'or }l ipepeau en,no.{, purJol 'sexoqpeJolsrno[ slsrl s(tuetuof, noz{ene11 rno,{ ot JeJeJ or PBr{ Jo s]ual -uof, agf q8norqf oB 'ztrerleJ fuotuanur rno[ Suunq 'suorsrf,ep uor]ezr -ue8rossesseeJ suorsses A\erlerSurlnpeqf,s ecueuodur eqt sr iooq ot Jo s(uotsur4\ ur eureqt Suurncal V 3,laaraegd.roluaaul uB elnpeqos eql tnogB lJus Surureruer Sur8eueru 'ranaA\or{ ree1f, 'lno uBf,no,{s8urqr IeaJll,noL elqerro;uroJaJotuaqt aJorueqI 'suorsrf,ep a{Btu ol a^Bqt(uop e/r\os Surqrfuane [ue deal or Jarsee sluees 'tuetJodunSurqleruos eJB pJef,srp tl II,aA\qreep ot poJef,s Jno esneJeq pue slles leuorleaue8roJno Jo serJotuetu lsnJl l(uBJ e/y\ 'sn;o eruos srqt op am sdeqra4'Surqtfuena dael ol puat 'renamog ie{BtsrluLq paprecsrp,{lyrseq,iaql llaql pun er xBt aqt elef,olor srrqep aql q8norqr Sur8eruurnJ pue pue ssef,xa suBJqseJtJreql asn dn ot Leu sJeCCVenrslndurr etuos'esJnoJ;g 'e8euetu eAEr{ gnrs;o ot no'{ ,brtuenb or{l saf,npeJ nor{ eqt pJef,srp ruatl qoBAiJeunlo uo JBA\ ur prB elqesuadslpul ag uBf,r{sBrteqJ :uuC rlsu.ra E Jo asfl leraqn a{BI4l uB
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nor oroqa\'srue,i::ll ,nd u*r il*l'JL;'illi,".;lli'l'#]J

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luarue8eue;,q ssel^l roJ slool IBrIlrBrcI

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UO NVat\ no^ I/AZVUC Ardnrs't\ZVarON r^{(l

eteldruoc uBc no/, 'reded uoqrec SursnJo rrgerl egt ur la8 nod;1 'eceds rnoA Sutrannlf, {JolrJeded ertXo eqt eABq no[ 're]uec Ldoc egr or re8 uec no[ Illun 'etul] Brtxa pue dut lercadse elnber Latll lnq lear8 are seutqceru Surreorldnq 'ellr^\ no[ sra]tel tuetrodun 11e;osardoctuBtsur elBru ot pueq uo ,ilddns e Surdea1 reprsuor plnoqs nolt lng .,iep durer B uo grlm l,e1dor spl>[aqr enr8 am Burqteurosor pare8elerueeq seq raded uoqrec 'sretuac ,(doc lcrnb Jo le^rrre ar{t W}/N :.rade4 uoqJeC 'eJuo Lluo ISEI E op ot aneq no[ os dael sl,eznly 'ece1dredord str ur tr qJEnBeJpue Papeol relders rno^,t e8ed Surssrru eqr purj ot elgnort pue erurt enxe eqt a{Bt or eneq no[ ueqJ ipaddllcun Suturoreq Jo Lem snouatslru e seq reqla8or peddrlc 'peelsur drlc reded B ro; qcear rq8rru ryo^ureded it(uop-pro,t\ B ul nol 'rbdrue sr ralders rno[ uer{^\ req] 'q8noqr 'teq a4t iecueBrlletur rno[ ]lnsur ol 8urfur rou er(a/X\'teISEq [1ddns rnoz(ur seldetsaneq no[ esrno3,O irsll rno ur srqr Surpnlf,ur reqtoq e^\ plnol\ ,{,{m :sa1de1g jtrnq t(usaop tI tnq 'repro Jo esuesB ot lertues -se t,usl ssautBeN 'elqBpBeruneq osle rqSru sprocar rno[ ro; peau noL sserPPB rrlnler ro elBP a8elsod aql 'e11d uI tel' atl t(uop pue ,i.ssaru B eJB sedolenue trrol 'ef,IJJo rno,( ur JapJoeqr ot uonnglJtuoc Inlosn B sr ,{11ear tl tng 'qot stqr roJ aulj tsnf ryom dlqeqord sra8ug rno1 'loor lue]rodrur uB se lsrl ot ruetl l,.1ps reqrer e elll tuaes rq8nu slqJ :.rauedg Jeile-I 'sleqBl Jo lno um nor{ ero}eq luro} reproer eql 'elpuBq ot peeu Ileru ol SuueqrueurerJo uelqord aqr setBunurlaoslB rI nol, sleualeru Jo [rlruenb aqr saf,npal rr ,s1age1 Surperu reded ueqt enrs -uedxe erotu sr druets Jeqgnr e g8noqtly 'Llruanbar; grlrn puodseuoc no,{ aldoad ro; sJeqto IBreAespue sseJppe urnter rnod gllrn aperu druets B e^Bq 'sarlddns Surperu eseqt gtlrn Buoly :dululg sseJppv uJnleg 's8uryeur lerceds rnod JoJpueq uo sdruetsjo ,beuen e dae>1 'e8etsod ssef,xeuo ,{euou Surtse,lr prole o1 :sdurqs Jo luewuossv 'a8elsod tuorf,rilnsur JoJ suJnteJeorllo tl lsod aqt uer{Ar etuu puof,es B ISep rno,{ uo dn pua l,eru ryonreded rnoL 'a1ecsB tno -r{ll45 '{sap rno[ go l,lerelpeurrur ryoznradeder]xa eqr ra8 puB IsBt rnod ereldruoc ot nod selqeue osle tl 'err3Jolsod arlt ot Surnup jo elqnort pue etult eqt seAES auoq te IIru rnol 3urq8ral6 'alef,se8etsode SurLnq

897. spe pelJISS1f, uo e^e uB dae;tr 'secud elqeuoseer [pre; ]B plos ueuo eqt eJBseuo Jeplo aqt 'pacnpoJtur eJBslaporu A\eu sV 'eJoleq Je^e ueqr eldoad eJourJo rlceer IBrf,uBurJegr utqtrl\ are sratnduroc tlareuntJoC 'srsrl oc oI Pazrl -uoud elldruoc pue qot uuet 3uo1B,o slletap eqt aaue8ro 'srurele punos uBf, teqt sruerSordSuruueld lcelord pue Jepunuer Inpapuol\ aJBeJeql 's>loogtueruturodde pue sJBpuelBJ ruarualddns osle uBf, Jetnduoc y 'eJB^\Uos Surtunocf,B qtrl\{ peqsrldruof,f,Blpsee eq UBJ {ooq1oeqJ rno,( Surpouof,eJpue slceqr Sunum lo eJor{f,,(lqfuoru eql :atnduroc eqt jo sf,ruortrele leor8etu er{t eplsul pBatsur perots eq uBf, teurqef, B ur selrJur Perots eq o1 seq ,(11eerd,b req/ll Jo qsnl/{ 'sellt Pue lro1r\reded ;o ,brluenb raaqs er{r Jo uouJnper eqr sr retndruof, B }o a8eruenpe euo 'llel\ se s8urqt reqto i{ueul op uer rl tnq elrrl\ ol &rlrqB rno[ anordun ot ra]nduroc e Sursn]o enlB^ eqt tnoqe pe{ler Lpearle e16 't1 tar8ar JaAOU 'ralndruoc e dnq ol ,{auoru dn seer; ree[ euo ]l 11,noL Suro8ro; JI lnq dur r1s IEnuuB rnol, ernseert [eru no1 iperedrur [11euorr -ezrue?toeqr roJ plB elqenlB^ur uB sr slr{J sJelrr.ud pue .ralnduroC V 'a1/.rsa;y1rnol q]ld\ '[uedruoo IIer!\ {ro/K tq31u tBqt serntBeJSurnesalull l,ueru e^eq [.,{I auogdelet rno,{ Lq pere;;o seJrlJes Suuemsue eteBltsalur ot tuBl!\ oslB rno[ rq8rru no1 'sauo tuetrodrur eqt ssrurt(uop no[ os Lllecrpoued s11eo Suue,lsuy {ceqc ot elnJ B e1eru lsnf'sranes-arun IBaJeq uBf, seurqf,Br.u 'sq1nqrqBII noA llr arou8r uBf, no[ 11es ot ur seruoc IIel E JI 'rl tdacralur uBf, noL 'ur saruof,IIBf, tuetrodrur ue jI 'slllq rno,t Led;o pBatsur tBqf, ot no,{ tdrual lBr{t suortdnuetur /,ueu plone uec noL 'ryom ol u/lrop lrs no[ se eulqf,eru rnori,uo run] ,tlaurtnor no,i;1 '{Jo^\ no,i allr{^\ sller Suruaans Jo} osle tnq tno aJ(noLelyqzlr sllef, Sururetureu JoJLluo tou InJesner,Laql 'ur seuloc IIBo B ueq^\ 1y\ouI 11,no[os sllBf, Surruocur durets-eul] rBqt slepoul ,{ueru eJBaJar{I 'eABq t(uop no,i,/,releJf,eseqt aruof,eq uBf, tl 'auo Anq or noA a8ernof,ue azn'eurqJeru Suualrsue uB ud\o l(uop noL;1 :eurqre4 Eu.ue/rlsuv

'ISaprno/{ puB pulu rno,t lno rl re8 pue qot eqr Jo Jo

'XZVI rON r,^'r,l UO NVEy\nOI iIAZVUC Ardnrs


'slea; tr ^\oq s(teqltsBOI '.lle4\;3ur1oo1 tB ueq^\ Surrildulnu ,i.uuecun seq lreur teql eqt lou eJ(eA\ Jo ,{rrpqedec ^louT ezn l,uplcl islnu ad\eJelx\'oP e/)4, uo eurBurno'{ gtlm raDel ill E re^rlep ot rerrref,IIBIUeqt roJ Sur8uolrequeruar nod op '{pllql e sV

luarue8eue;4 eIId reded

iurnq pue qsero B tsure8e pa -tcatord ar,noA os sf,slpeteredaseeJqt ol uo selrj tuelrodrur rno/. Ldoc ro uetsAs adet dnlceq E esn 1VJVCI U3OI dn )CVg :ereq^\tuanesresn ratnduof,Jo uoltseSSnseqt /nollo; nod eJnsa{BIAI 'lr anerJteJot ee} uee{ e se8reqc tradxe fuanocor ErBpB BtBp rnod asol lltun tseel tB Jo JeAeJoJ 'surnq pue seqseJcenrJp preq rno,{ y1 icr8eur relndruoc Jo suorl 11,no,{ -Blnurl aql lnoqe nor( uounBf, ol luB/r\ e/r\ sJesnratndruof, pauosBessv 'proJJuec nod ter{t ecud B te tuetudrnba retndruoo pulJ l,eru noL pue

ot s8urql rno^ sr tnoqe pauref,uof, eq ot peeu noL fuo8etef, Aluo eql 'sr uorlezrue8ro s(ler{t pue ueld rltrl\{ 8ur>pom oJ(notr 'JapJosrp>potuaded;o tBr{1K tno JePJooleeJc or un8eq lsnI an,nor{'11azrleeJno/, 10u Jo Jaqleql6 's,aq{,nyryroJ prlqr B elld trets ot tuBA\ rq8nu no,{ 'Surdea1 's^ Surgserl reno eauoBe noL;1 'elld redord eqt ul Surqrfuana tnd Llleorsdqd pue xoq rnoA tno drunp ot relerd rq8rru no1 'serJo8etecesaqt Jo euo ur tsrl rel -sBurrno[ luou Surgrfuena ]nd puB JIBq ur raded Jo teeqs puof,as e aplnlcl '*aay ot s?uryT pue qsp,l1 :setro8etef,esn ot [see [lanrreler 'e8re1o/!\l qtrl!\ ]no uets ol tued\ tq8tru nol 'mou JoC 'sued algee8eueru eJotu '11erus o]ur tsrl IBJa -ua8 rnoL epl^lp ot sr qof rxau rno :dnap4.rade4 rno azuo8ele3 'fuotuenu1 >[romraded rno/,;o eapl elqBuoseeJ eABqplnoqs no,i,,ssecord B srqt jo pua eqt tV 'tsrl rno[ o] uretr qrea ppe pue a1ld rnoL q8norqr oB '1aem 'xoq erlt e ur raded;o secardpue stdrecarpetelnru Jo pue eqt tV 'enreceJno,{ s8urqr eqr u/t\op tol'senure -nf,f,e lnd 'os Jo 11e {aal\ B JoC Ileru eqr uaqnl Lep Lrang :uge8y {ooqelo51 Euruueld rnotr asfl 'ue1d B peau nolv' juaua&uunyl 'rerunoc rno[ uo u^\or8 aneg or sreded ure] alld ra4Dd qtlr!\ IBep oJ Jo -unotu e JoJot\t Jo Lep e B uBql eJolu aIBl t(useop 1l JIesJno,(ro; ueltrJl\ en.noL tBqt sJepuIUeJsnoeuellaf,snu etelnrunf,Je osle notr'sldreoeJ pJBf, e3.re1 qtln\ euoq elrrrB ,{eru tlperf, puB seJrolur aJots 'sdr1s B {uBq;o e11d no[ 'spuBJJe ^(epe JoUV 'ryomraded;o ef,rnosLluo er{] t(usr IIBy\ Jo 'Lep fuene esnoq rnol ot de,r rroq] pug teqt sSoleleoe^rJro rno; eqr rnd ol ereld e Surpur; sr a8etue^pesrp eqJ Jerler e eq ueo Suoue esooqf, ot suetr Jo sn\or pue sraddoqs rer{to Jo suortf,Brtslp aqr 8ur 'sserppe -lEuItuIIE 'doqs ot reCCV uB ro;,{em leer8 B eq uec rapro IIBIAT PUB3lueu rnor{ Pasel{3rndaneq or{r!\ saruedruof,reqto ruog sSolelec grlrn pa8nlap Lllcrnb el,no,i, 'Sopteo repJo lleru euo ruog repro nor{ se uoos sV isexoqlleul rno ur Sutntue sdeal >pomaded eqr tng-sJededszneu pue seutze8eurlaf,uef, pue s8ur8uolaq Jno uos uBJ el6 .uorsnjuoJ pue uoueABJSSe;o ef,JnosB sr TJod\rededeqr qtr^\ op ot tBr{A\lno Suun8rg

I9Z 'tsrlC 'seullepln8omt ra#o uBf,e/v\ ruets^_s eqt tng .tl op ol Jo ssalpre8er demBuoJA\ tg8u B t,usl eJeqtesnBf,eq ro rueqt e8ueueor zrroq noL ller t(uef,am 'ure8y;edLl Lq ro l,llecrraqeqdle sap;rno[ dn tas nol, plnoqg

ApuelsrsuoC pue Al.rep8eg tuelsl(S EqUf rnol esfl

:I# eFU IuuIPreC

'PreA\ropq8rerrs Lple; eq III/\{seuo8etef, eseqtor SurprorceSurtros 'depeno eruoseq 'peorq pue eldurs sdnor8rno,{ III^\ arer{l q8noqlly dael ot sI l,a1 aq1 'sallgasnod5 salClvrrosrad'lnnuvmgpuD pue asnoH 'elpueq no,{ yo sauo8etef, fur lereue8Sursn rg8nu no/. rng ryomreded;o asarltezrue8ro /v\oqA11ecr;nads ot Pull eql uo puedep IIIA\rl esnBcaq nol' otur algdeltCo1 rnoAur sreded tros t(uef,e41 'sdnor8-qns aqt 11ar pue sreplolel$ etuoslno la8 ,og .azrs u/v\op ur paredan,no[ ]uarua8e -uBI^{ a114 raded eqr tnoqe snorxue ssellee}plnoqsnof ,]urod syqrly 'lJo/t\radedLlyeprno[ uer{] pa8eueur r{1ysea eJotus(tresnef,aq ruetsLs _ .ssef,r peeu uroplasno,{ Sutl_U -rno,{;orred sn{t qtr^\ trets II,a/)A. ot ryom -rededeqr-elld ellCo1rno,( uo l,1uosnro; plnoqsnod 'mouro{ 'sreploJ .ssef,JB eseqtSurSeueru tnoqe JatBI f,rteur ,,Jog,,tuetrodrur IIBr II,a/N 'sruetrSurpuadpue tuerrnf, -olne 'Lsea ruetsds u8tsepot peeu JoJ. e 11,noL oseqtJo lf,ert daal oT '^\ou rqSu roJ ellJ oQ oI errlue rnod eplsB les '>pomraded;o ,bltuenb eqt ecnper,(ltuecglu8ys no[ ,s8ulql eser{t uec Jo eluos ot e{Bruno[ sy;ryomrededer]xa eqt r{tr/r\ Precslp suoISIOep IBep seutlPeaP lo If,BJt deel or perederd aqt noL eJB'suortf,elas Surpuas PUB dllecrreurorne;oruets,{s sesn B qnp {ooq eql }l irepro rq8nu noi( s>1ooq .tseuoqeq 1nq,no[ aqr jo ,{uepearot eturt e^Bq ,{e/1. 11,noz( due eJaqtsl lsaraturAeur8ul|eru qnls Iooq aql 's,,t11rue; }o esoqtpue e1l,rs rno,{ elll PUB sPeau rnoL pultu ur deel 'ssacord Surtrossrqt enunuof,nol, sy 'fuo8alecallC eqr w eslaSurqrfuane rncl 'fuo8alecoC oI aqt ur 'slllq sBqf,ns'uo tce o1peeuno,{reqr Surqilue lnd alll o1s3ury1 puB oc oJ s8urql :rool' aqt uo sa1ld od\t e1Bur sdnor8Jelletuso^rt ur ls1 rnol tJoS ro 'uoos 'ta[ rua]sLs SurI; e e{ll qf,nru1ool rou,{eru e1rd III^,\rl rno[ q8noqlly '8urun]-aulJ ]o detstxau aql Buunptl esnt(uop pue A\ou 'sagLBw Jo, aprsB prlqr rno[ ]noqtr/r\op Tomradedregr rnd Jo Lro8eleo t(uef,nol,;1 'uec aSeqreS rno,(q eq Lpearle plnoqsqsert or s8urq1 .daa;

'ure8B IoJtuoJ Jo tno 'euroq re8 noL ueq/v\elld,tssaur e Lq pareer8 eq IIIIr Iae' or ur8eq II,no nof 'roop aqr lno ,(em rnor{ uo sef,erdlerenes uado Jo seArJJB uoq/\l, lr 'iJo^/\ ot uesoqc an,no,i,eceld eql ot {ro/n IIeu rno,{ q8norqf drg noL }I 'unr" arry ro -raded snoeuellef,srurpue uo lreur Sunuocul e{Bt s,{e,n1y IIBq tuory eqt ur 'retunoo ueqctrl eqt uo lleul rno,( uedo JeAaNl'aceds aJr#o rno,i,ur plnoqs no1 ryol\raded rnor{ Surlpueq sl,eznle rrqer{ B a>lBru }o 'eurtnor B pue Suruueld 1n;rq8noqt uo spuedep uorlezrue8ro Inlssef,f,ns

areld etuBs eqr uI {ro^rrade4 rno^ eIPueH saenly

:?# elnu leulprec

snonsesrp peads Surqsruotse pue isrlnser eqt gtl,n serldrrlntupue speerds rr-r1rcrn.taQn4 to an?v14 Jo uoueruou 'slqr op ot ueld cgyceds o{Eru .aqd 8urxe1fuad ecuauedxa aqr B 11,noL tnoK Suro8uouB uo 4t"ornt"aQn{ \i!n nauuo] lueru t,uop no[ y1'srseq -ruroddeu ur lycuedpu elnpeqcsrno,i.IleqC 'ryoznreded lleru pue B rno,{ ellJ Sururocur III^,\no,{uaqa tnoqe uorsroep e{Btu Aleterpaurrur 'Surrros noL rer;y taded;o ecardfuanaSulltJpuB sreplo;3ur1aqe1 qsrurJ

saurll PeFPeqts le {ro/$rade4 rnol qrlrh leel l :g# elnu IBUIPTBC

'reploJeuo ur rarlreSor rarpo deal rng 'eleredasesoqldeel ot lue/r\ rq8tur sprof,erpereleJ-aruor{ no,i,'asnoqrnol, 11es ueqA\sesofund JoJstueuranordrur nol, xel euoq deal ot Beplpoo8 B s(tlef,urs 'sreplo,ot\t Jo euo ur suall Jo sprooer ool petelareseqldnor8ot relleg aq Llqeqordplnot\ rI 'petecrldruof, rno,{auu-eur} euosaq III/r\uets^s rno,i,'gSnogr'qcnru oot suorsl^lP 'Suuadre: 'tuerudrnba no,(;1 'cla 'scruoJtf,ele arecuaBI 'secuerldde -ruell dael plnol no 'ellj lerf,ueurg/auog qree ro, sreplo;eleredes deal ot tuBd\ rnor{ur sruetrpetEIeJ puB stueuenordtul euoq }o spJof,ar 'eldruexa Llqeqord11,noL roC 'pezrue8ro oq ot pardurareq l(uoq oot

alduqs l! daay 27# el]l-u FuIPreJ

'Suueeder stuBrrel!\ rnq 'sn1tples [pearle tl nor{ A\Ou)I ',tlluetsrsuof, aA(oA\ e1tr pue l,Fe1n8ar esnlsnru no,{ 'uSrsep tl
il,rzvuc uo ardrus'LZvaroN h{.INVat\ nol

-JetlBetuosgtlrn dn eruocot peeu Aeruno[ '1rop 01n aas paeu noL;1 01 'lr e^elJteJ t,uec nod pue tl uo uortf,eelBr t(uBf, no^ .putru jo tno s,tr'1q3rs Jo tno s(tlef,uo iulp Jo teeJrqSrerepun preLaqt ur tr 8ur/;ng ot urTBag uBO B ur ,(eme ellJ SurqrauosSurDnd'reCIeV uB 'teurqBJ ro; eepl os learSB sr srqt eJns tou oJ(e/x\ elrJeql ur JeploJ ,,tog,, B uI tl rnd plnotls nol, terlt dessuedxauouezrue8ro ssef,f,B dllcrnb uec noAos {Jot\rededlueuodrul slqr lnd ol ereq^\tno ern8g ot aABr{ nod zno51 :sseJrv pue e8uJo1slnoqv uorsl'ao e e{eI^I isrequo puB lsrl rnoLJJoqol eqr ra8 ueo no[ os nol, ro; Surpaen aqr op or pllql pooqroqg8reuE arrH 'l,q o3 sdepeqt sBrstrorls l,ue la8 er{r l(uo^\ spee/K tnq 'op plnoqs ,t11eer Surqtotuos LeruuepreS no.( eq ra^\ol' rno,{ 3urpea41'llB tB rsrl rnol, uo eq plnoqs qot egr reqtar{^\uorl 'e11d oJ rnoA tno puB paqslulJqot aqr -senb ol arun s,lreql,eyrl oCI re8 Jo ot etun ot lercedsB elnpeqf,s elun s,l1eqLe61iselull fueru ool palpuBq uaeq s,lt 'sdtuels elBPur perededllern seuof,eq rededyo eoerd rno,(;1 'suorsrceP eruos e{Bru or nod rdruord III^\ }l 'puoceg 'radedeqt }o tdrecarJo erep ar{r lueurnrop IIIA\t1 'lsJlg 'sasofund o^\t se^res sn{I 'tl alpuBgnoL elull ,i,rene reded;o ecardqf,Bedruetsetepplnoc no[ 'eldurBxe .raded roC aql ueaq en,no,i, salult [ueu A\oqpue Buol ;o acardeurBs Surpgnqs ,!\oq >lJBJl ruals,{s ot 8ur>Feru pul{ eurosesn,Suruossrgl op noL sy Jo 'r;a1 reded;o sacerd tuetrodrurun ,{ueruelq t,uplnoqs nor{'uBJ qseJtrnodJo asnsnorf, -lpnI eperuLpeerlean,nor( 'ruetJodrurun lluetrodul eq [eru lasuodser ]l e Surpuad-tueuodul luoos eruu etuosuo lf,B Jsnru-lueuodrur lllou uo tcB tsntu- tueuodul :allJoCIoI rno[ ur 1ro^\Jaded eleJedas aql ol l,cue8rn;o ear8apeqt asn 'radedyo ecardfuaneot JotJBJ acueuodurr ue u8rsse peau nol 'ryomrededsrq] Jo uorsnjuooeqt grlm ot leep oJ 'tuerue8euetlq sseln{ esoqtgtl,n Jo ePIIIo? ueuo puB tf,asrsturlueuaSeuBtueurDJo suelgord araq^rsr $qI 'e11d oI lnsd-uorleaue8rosrp oC Jo ecrnosfueuud aql qtrll\ IEepol 'tueJsLs elult s,Jr Surp; lueuetuJedrnor{Jo aJBJ ua1Bt en,noA teqt A{oN

luerue8eueurstwelld redsd puB s(oo oI


b9Z 'rer{lreteurqer Sutlt}rno,{ur perotseq t,uplnoqsLlqeqordl1 'ryorvueded 'erntn} oc oI rno,{gll,n eq t,uplnoqsuortBruro}ur Jo pql snlr qSnoqlH eqt ut erun eruospeeu 11,nod salotsJo sef,rnJes sreLgJo spJBJ sseursnq Jo roj salrJ rnoASursnaq lq8rur notr :sa8ed /rlolle Fuosred tueuer.ured ielqnort qf,nrx oot eq LerutaurqBf,Sury; e or 'setelnluncf,B /,e'le >pomreded ruooJeqt ssoJce ot tl eJoJeq {lBA4, SurneH 'sdrtraBurl rno,(1ndol peurlf,ureJorueq 11,noL rnoL tB eJB sep;rnoL;1 'reA\Brp dor eqt relo s8ueqtBql e;o '*oq ellJB ro; dorlsap rno,{uo ruoor e^Bq auo ,i,nq t(uop noL;1 'eceds rno,tjJo ll e^oru uer no,{ os elqBtJod Suraq iro/r\ BJtxeeplnord ot ISOP rI 'Iro/KradedSurpuedpue tuetrodurr rno[ ;o e8elue^pepappBeqr sBr{ Jeueq dael no,i dlaq uer tl 'teeu {ool rou rq8nu lnernureld ,o >lf,Brl ur salrjSurdee>1 q8noqlly 'a1gdotlsep B sr Surgrtsaqtxeu eqt 'tuero -r;;a Lpelncruedt(ueresa11d ecurs 'rre eqt q8norql Surreogrueqr spues ur Surdaa;tr pulrn;o rsn8B lltun tsBOI le-Iro^\ rq8rurselyd petrossreded 'alqBIrB^E eruof,eq Ja^eLeqt JI ruer{tur SuusenurJeprsuof, elrJ e;o eql rg8nu pue steulQec petuor;-sse18 sa8etue^pe eesLlerru -lJePuBf,3/N\ ]ear8E eq plno^\ i3u[pfua ^e 4pl\ r,uplp rr ,{1uo urersl,s }l 'runrululru e ot reunp ecrlJosdael pue U lrol!\reded Jo rol B sarots ,{lruercr3ga 'lryesnsr teurqec ellJ 'uorlsanbtnoqtrlN :elld dol4saq rl 'ro; sl re{seq oqt teq^{ noL purruarot qra uo IeqBIe tnd 'IroA\ -radedasuodsag 3urrre16/euoq[peerly rno,{ro} sl 'n4sngBuryua4 ro; rno,{ 'qrrno; eqJ '>poznreded pue 'uoog/ruerrodrul luetrodurl aqdeyrl 'nrop,/tuerrodrul rnoL roJ sta1sag sEeerqt esn 'stelseqrnoJSursn uI ,i.rr'dorlsep rno,(uo ecedstuerf,rJJns nod;1 3qe{seg fno/ul eABr{ 'lduord IBnsIA B se tf,B ot le^el eLate preoq urtellnq rno,{ 3uep1'pesserf,B pue ueesdllpeeraq UBJsa8esseur setouSurpuad rnoL 'dorlsap rno,{ pue eqt dn ro ;o esuedxe JeAoaJueprser 8ur>1et teurqeJey; rnol;o sqtdap eqt tn Surprser pBetsul'sauo8etel nualrc4w! rnol qf,]Bruot suortf,as Jo rnoJul rl epl^lc 'prBoquuellng e SurSueq reprsuoc 3Preog upellng 'no[ ro; esaqrJo euo sdeqra4'teurqef,alrj eqt ot selueu Irol!\ IIIIKsuollsaSSns

992 rno^ tnd ot tue/v\ngd^uaql6,irl parrdua nod eunt tsl aqt derr eqr IIIJaT ot peJegtuetueJ SununssB-euo ta8 puB Jezeeu ot o3 nol, ,eqnc no,t aqt ef,rue tuB/v\ uaqzn'uortezrueSrosrp nor{ rnod;o aarSap Jo sselpJeSeg eqr 'luauaSvuntu ,ratdeqc Ktoruau Jeqto 1B Jo senssr {ool II,ea 3u1aao11o; uI 'uoltezlue8rosrp JB^\Jno ur ierlre8or eqt uo {ro^ uec }ueru -e8eueyrl a1l4rade4/sseyrl pue fuorualnJ ^\oq reprsuof, s(tal .d;oruaru JeDeq paeu e^\-tuelsr{srettaq E poau[11ear B ](uop ey]\ mau irualsds Jaqloue lal, u8tsopot uauo sr Btuurellp or esuodser eqt rng .ure3e pue etult JlesrlSurreedar orrBuers Surxeldred srqr tBrlt pulj sreccv Lue14 ' ' 'ur8egot /!\oq enlf, B e^Eq t(uop nol, leqr azrlear no[ teruslp rnoA o^t qrnl4J .Iee^\ rsel pau8rsep noL siacordrrr".rrrlr[s aqr erntdecerot 8urfut selrJ rno,{uef,sno,{ ,LtarxueBursBeJour qrlrN lell, Surpuad alr; oCIoI aqt ro ur oBrl pKI i&nbur reqr;o ddocrnoi j"A "o,i srql PIp eraqn lsnl PUV llee^\ ]sBIetor,[ dlnbur eqt o] asuodsar grl/K op no[ plnoqs rBqrN ',{seeun o] urSeqpuB reDal tsrrJaqr uedo lee} no1 'urB8e 1:om lll/r\ tuets[s lear8 rnod ]eqt a8palnoul eqr ur arnf, -as '8urp; pue Surrros seroqf,palnpeqcs jo rno[ uiaeq llruapr;uoo no1 t"al\4aamauo 'afrF autDs oi aWC a\t 'ace1d redord stl ur Surqrdra""p?ltJ,{puarcrge e^Bqnol, esnecag JlasrnoLiopnord ernb IeeJpye eceds rnod punoreIool no1 .Ironreded;o sjpd',ierne 'go SqltJ pue dn Suruarq8rBrts BuuealcuoourauBerrtueuB puadsnotr 8ur irerlrureJ {ool sauecs -^{ollo} eqt oc 'sllBtapeqt qtr^r op o1 teq^\ ol UESIAIEI/{11U aneq nod tanoerol4 'IsBr aqrjo sllerepar{r or puaue puB urers,{s rno,{ rB lro^\ ol e^Bqno[ 'peaue8roJa]teqeq oI 'fuouraur puB uortuane Jo stuau -odruoc eql uo ruapuedap Lla8relsr rueue8eueyq a1l4radecl pue ssel\ ,srduroi.l ,san3 lueura8euel\I eIId .rade.lrssenl pue z{..roura;,q 'sratuafuBJ JoJ rulg pulj or JersBe B s(tl .auBu sly Jeqr.uau lol ,,3),,repun -eJol elqBeq lou derunol 'sdelsqcrod rnod pexlJor{rv\ retuedreceql 'uoterJsre^lv uqo[_1pco] paeu nod uaq/N .eueu l,q uegl reqter ef,rl -resLq [llecrraqeqdleserr]uernof rsrl ot eepl poo8 B ag ,{n1 t8f"i t1 -Ja.L!e e dn erou V ;a8n4 malla1luuosLad les ot ag lq8nu ruarsds-lryasn

992 'selu^\olle^ ur-uortBtueurncop esuedxo 'sraded a8e8uoru-sruetl pateleJesnoqIIB uoneloueJ pue seuueJJezn sr lnd ot luBA\rg8rur noL 'mo11a/. asnoqrno[ JI 'sue]r [auoru ro; uaer8 -uorteruroJur puB Sutqueqro; sreplojuear8ro sleqeluaar8asn IBIruBurJ aqt fuen rq8nu no1 'alpueq nol, ryozmaded;osauo8atef, ot Surprocce uBf,ruetsLs Jno 'Surpoc-Jolof, Alluercrga sr eJour pepoc-Jolof, ryom no,{ dl".{ rq8ru teqt rdruord reqtouv :Eu1po3,roloC Jo r,ualsds * esfl 'rr SuropeJe^\noL moq pue qsrldluof,f,B ol no/. erurt etsenr osle ,(eurno1 'paqslulj 8ur/.rt eJeA\ leqznSuncnrlsuof,eJ nol 'aul] txeu ryo^\ or lceq ra8 qo[ J(use1r\ aql ]Bqt ueuo8ro; e^Br{,{eru 'A\oJJoruor eqt tJEtsaJ ,v\oq;o uorrdrJf,sep nol, uaqm 'osrunJaqlo ot qof tror{sB etrr^\ 'prl* rnoL ur JBelf, lllrs sl qol relnclrredeq] Jo ssecord aql ellqlN 'Peqsrurjeq ol sPaeu al,nozi. tBq^\ IIIISrBr{1\,\ uo 8ur>Fom PUB u^\op lol ol ]l esn 'ISBIBJo elppru aqt ur 3urryom tnoqe setoueruos dots ol e^Bqno[ ueq.,r'{pueq ur seluof,osle1ooqelou SuruueldJno 'erurt rnoL gflrlr op ot s8urqfSurssard eJolu e^Bqdlqeqordnol, 1un1t e^\ 'znoqeuros em i{ro/\r plno^\ tBr{t esoddns 'reded frane ]o uoueool aqt ozrJoruoru trs ot arurt aqt eIBt JeqteJ puB AllecrsLqd salgrnoASurnerl p,noLyl '^\arl ureld ur no,(punoJepeards or Surgrtsaqtxeu eqt eq III^{ rql rnor{'rl op or tl eesot peeunoL;1 'sJeplojrno,t ot sa8uer{f, oleru no^ auIlt Lue fsrl rno/. afepdnot aJnseg 'replo;lrane s]uetuor er{t u^\op Surllol (sellJ rno,(Jo eurltno pe]Bp ro B o{BIAI'sellJ lueueruradpue tuerrnc rno[ q]oq ]o stuetuor aqr Jo 'stno{lelq ruels,{s B Sutlg;o crued lsrl SuruunJ daal ot peeudeurnoz( eqt tualard o1 :ure8y lro t ol {ooqeloN Euluuuld rnol lnd iuoos tl peeu plnon\ nol, nau>1 no,(asnetagelr, log rnol, q tl a1gnoL plc iellc auoH eql ur ro ellc 'a1lc esnodS rno,{repun ll allJno,i pKI :eluBu,(q Llleoueqeqdle lBuosrsd a8erots eql alqrssod asnBf,eq ral 1l alu noL ptc 'elqBraunuurerBsef,Bld -tetu e8erotseruesaqt ruo{ tuaJalJlpLlallua uB sr altn JBr eqJ 'ece1d Llpaleaderno[ esneceq seqnf, eql aJeq/!\ eJB eor /v\ou>[ no1 tueqt ssef,f,e raqto '{ueurur {ool rq8ru no,{'11 lsaceld 'petnlo^uor eroru roj razseu3qt ur Iool J(uo^\,(lqeqordnortqSnoqrlv llqereplsuoJeq LeruqoJeas rno,{'reneznoq'elll] rno,tuo spueq rec
',LZVaroN h{,1NVEIAI UO nOA IiAZVUC qrdnrs

(^Bpdrene aqt ro; ueld pue s>lse] petaldruor uo lsrl Jlesrno^ etelnter8uof, rno[ A\erAeJ Bapl poo8 B s(tl .atep-ol-dn rualsLsrno[ dae>1 o] ]snur no 'f,te 'alnpayrs oL siuaruiuro4IV 'a4.t6 oI sr"anal'a\DW oI iIIDC auo\d;o sauo8etef,ur epua8e rno[ e]eredasot ra;erd fq8rru no .Jte ,>leazn txeu [q ,zvrouour -ol ',{epot oP ot s8urqr-sruetl eurleurt su s8urql dnor8 ro tsrl Suruum euo dea>1 uBf, no1 'epua8e rnoz( ezrue8ro ot s[em Jo [rapel B oJBeJeql 'elllrnPord pue Posnf,ojnoi{ sdaa{ feqr epua8e leuosred rnoL sr tsrl oC oI rno 'ue1d B Jo af,uBtrodul aqt A\ou>1 noL 'epua8e ue tnoqtrm Sur -teoru B ur peledrcrued JaAean,nod 'ruar{r aesuBf, no[ araqa sJopunuoJ JI rno[ daa>1 pue uorqsBJatuos ur ut\op s8ulqr e]rJ1y\ tsnur notr .[rorueur rnod uo l,1erl(uop noL reqr lertuassas,lr ,esn noL poqteur eqt Jo ssal -pre8ag 'e;y1 rnol, ul ,,s,oq o1,, Suypuedaqt Jo Irert dae>1 palsa88ns or an(e^\ seapl oqt Jo IBraAesosn uBf, no^ :lsrl o(I oI Sulo8ug ue daay 'tJEtsot eraq^\ 1Kou{ ot rarsBeeq III^! tl 'ISB] oqt ot IlBq atuof, ,petdnuatur eJe pue Burqr noL uaqlX '8er ro1of, B r{trl\ lods rno^( IJBru -ourosuo 8urryo./y\ eJ(no,(;1'uees ,(11sea pue uo tl l:rts nod ranetBq \ sr #o s8ueq pue perolor eqJ 'rdruord Inlesn reqtouB are s8el rolof, elqe^orueg 'raded.(ue uo sIJo^\ teqt a^rser{pelercadse ,(nq uec noL 'setou l1-rsod un\o rnol e]Bur ot {Jrts nol^;1 .trolleL uo sluaurrutoQQe tued\ rno[ pue ueer8 uo sr"apurunt" oi sl1lq {n4 rno,( 'sa]ou peJ uo eq plnoJ sJ"apurura.L auo\4 Jno 'setou pepof,-Jolof,esn ueo nod ,anrteall \\DJ [11eereg o] rue^, nod;1 'sISBl oC oI tuetrodurl ]o srapunuar se teer8 ar,l,eql tnq ruets,{sSurp; e eceldar t(uer ["qI 's8urqr Inlepuo^\ asoq]Jo lBArrrBeqt eroJag plp aldoed tBq/v\erns tou ar(a1x\:saloN ll,lso4 asfl 'raqueueJ ot nol, ldruord Laqa 'uortezrue8ro;o rred fuouraru eql rroddns dagr teqt sI t{tl/\{ dn auroc noL seaprJellruls Jo sJolof,SursnJoJeleuorl -BJeqJ 'sruatsLs Surpor-roloJ Jar{to,tueur dn tuearp Llqeqord uec no1 'sraplo; asuodsarrol Surlre^\ pue euop,(peerle/dots rno[ ero]s uer seuo par ar{t puv 'sellJSurop tnoqe 'sallJ d\ou op Iqqr plnotls/uA\op /!\ols rnoz(erots ue3 srrploj ^Aolle[ ".{J tsnu-r/8uro8 rno[ ero]s uef, sreplo; uaar8 eqJ. 'dollsep rno[ uo deel re8 no[ sap; ]oq eqt roJ IIa^\ $lro1\rrr{3ll f,rllert e;o srduord roloc eqr Bursn
saoHl-ll{ aNV sllNvHtal/{ :NortvzrNvcuo \l ccv lo scrh{vN^C

892 itsll .LnoK uaxln,q aW ot pE raftau IIm no to 'elqea8eueueJIlrno,( e1eruot q8noua tsnl tsrl rno[ g]lrn dn Surdee>1 tuorxBsn{r raquerueu 'rsrl aql J}o Surqr gtlrn tueruoc aq or ureel PUB -fuenaSurssorc;o no/. seeurlt aqr pue leo8 alqyssodrul ensrnd 'uratsds ernsral 'tsr1 B deels8urso1 rnol o] aABIS eruoJeQ t,uoq leuortBzrue8ro uB eruua rno[ uopueqerg8rur pue ]srl 3uo1l,lqtssodull l,q pa8ernoc 'aruu uanr8B ur qsrldruocce -srppue petertsngeq uec no,i, IIIA\no1 LlqeqordnoA'reqCIV uB sV itsll oe sISBtJo requnu eqt eterunserelo o1 L11ep rnoL gtlrtt [eme pelrref,la8 l,uoq 'areq rapro ul sl e]ou leulJ V 'lsr1 rno[ o] sruetl^\eu ppe nol, seSutpre/v\eJJlasparald st -luof,Lpeerlean,no[ $lse]lJo pessorc Sureag'sLep;o e1dnof, roJ eqt B rsrl oC oI arueseqt esnot sr elerorueqt roJ lear8 s(teqt1f,rrt eprll euo 'ryomreded peuosrnoAgtlrn prp noL eq sBtsII rno,t druelselePnod;l 1n;d1eq oslB/.1qeqord PIno^\l1 Leptxeu

-\ \_____ -\__ -

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of the year is a great ideabut it doesn'tsolvethe whole problem.With. out an advancereminder,I would regularlyreadthe current day'sentries and discoverthat TODAY is the big day.Unfortunately, it's too late to senda card or gift! on A portableplanner worksbestfor me. I'm always the go and need somethingI can take alongon my travels.When I'm out shopping,I party tomorrow." can rememberto buy the cookiesfor the classroom Teacher Plan Books Are Useful Time Management Tools: The bestare large,8 ll} xl1-inch spiralbound booksthat open to display pages by segmenred subjectand daysof the week.There is often a small sectionnext to eachrow of boxesto jot down notesfor the coming week. You can add your own datesand usethe subjectcolumn for divisions of time. Since they aren't formatted,you can designtime framesthat match your needs. Th"y alsohave with sufficientspaceto write miscellaneous nores.There are often extra pagesin the back for recordingstudent for attendance.You can usethesepages frequently called phone numor bers,birthday reminders anything elseyou want to keepwith your weekly organizer. Strrcttrre Your Planning with Daily Time Sheets: Time sheetsare that managetime by the hour rather highly srructureddaily calendars than by the day and date. Many computer softwareprogramsoffer pre. to If and time sheets. you don't have access formatteddaily calendars your own. these,you can make you'll that you start with half-hour time segments, Although we suggest need to decidehow much structureyou need.Your time sheetcan help for you compensate a faulty internal timeclock. 'lflhenever you schedulesomethingthat involves preparation,get out your planning notebookand make a list of everythingyou'll need.Don't leaveout anything! \Uill you need to weara particularoutfit?Add it for ro your list. Will you needto makeprovisions the family while you're And how about the emergency gone? What about calling a baby-sitter? If will need? you frequentlyhop in your car only numbersthe baby-sitter


DyNnvrcsOr ADD IN OnceNrZATroN: MEcuRNrcs ANo MprHons

to discoverthat the gastank is empty,add a note ro your list to ger gas. Put your reminder list in a logical order,estimarehow long each item will take and doubleyour estimate.If you tend to grossly ,"r.srimare preparationtimes,triple your estimate!\Urite the time of the evenr on your time sheetand work backwards, entering each item on your list in an esrimared block of time. \fhen you've finished rhis process, you'll know precisely when you need to begin gerringreadyfor your appointment. An interestingexperimentto evaluateyour time sense to jot down is your "starting time" guess you go through this process. before After you makeyour list and completeyour backwardtime entries,seehow closeyou were to your guess. Our bet is that you'll discoveryou were pretty far off! Compile Master Lists of Reminders: Consider making a masterlist for recurringappointments. the baby-sitter's Put phone list emergency in the kitchen cabinetso it will be there everytime you need it. Keep a vacationchecklistin your file, so you don't have ro srartfrom scratcheachtime. A lack of planning usuallycauses overwhelmingfeelingsof disorganization. Although this preplanningmay initially take extra rime, ir will ultimately saveyou time, aggravation and the wrath of a bosswho impatiently sits in the conference room waiting for your late arrival. \Uhen you think things through and make detailedlists,the readiness steps becomemore automatic.Over time, you'll probablydiscover that you can accomplishthe planning stepsmore quickly as they become habits. Compile "Everyday, Get out the Door" Master Lists: How many times do you spendyour car trip across town trying to rememberwhether you turned off the iron and turned on the porch lightl Rather than relying on your memory,make a list and post it at your door. Include the things you need to do wheneveryou go our: put the dog in the basement, tum on the answeringmachine, turn off the compurer,rum on the porch light, leave a note for your son, etc.


You MreN I'v Nor Lezv.SruproOn Cnnzv?!

Taking the time to think through your routine and write it down will savemuch time and aggravationin the long run. You won't have to rememberthesedetailsevery time you get readyto leave.You won't have to wastetime racing back home to saveyour computerfrom getting zapped the thunder storm and lightning that hits. A quick by look at your list asyou head out the door will shavepreciousminutes off your preparationtime. Prepare Duplicated "School" Master Lists: If you have school-age children, you undoubtedlywrite many notes for field trip permissions, absences, specialafter schoolbuschanges, Make somemasterforms etc. for asmany of theseactivities asyou can. A generic"pleaseexcuse for Zachary's absence" can be madewith spaces names,datesand reason.A quick fill-in-the-blank later,your note is finishedmore quickly than if you had to composea new note for every occasion.Your forms may not be personal, they will saveyou time. but

DvNnurcs ADD IN oncaNrZATroN: or MrcHaNrcs ANo MrrHons

Buy a (waterproof) Watch with an Alarm: Alarm warchesare wonderful. Dependingon the style,you can set alarmsto ring every hour or at the sametime every day.You can usean alarm waich asa reminder for appointmentsor ro keep yourselfon track. Set it to ring in a reasonable amount of time and then make a decision to work at leastuntil the alarm rings. Plan a break at that point and resetthe alarm. You can accomplishthe samething with an alarm clock but your watch is portable. If your watch is waterproof,you won't have to take it off. It's one less thing you have to keep track of and it can prevenrcold showers. You know what happens-you hop in for a quiCkfive minute showerand emerge shiveringthirry minutes later when your hot water tank is empty! I.Jsestenographer Pads and Large Index cards: Aren't index cards the awful things we were instructedto usewhen we had to write a research paper? They were supposed help us organizeour ideasbut to often endedup being_used paperairplanes! rpit" of any negative as In experiences _may you have had using them, index cardscan helf with organization thoughtsand daily details. of Even the bestsystem the world is put to the test by distractibility. in M,ulV of us get side-tracked because ideaskeep popping inro our brains. \7i!h_t someingenuity,one ADDer we know r.r*r tt".to pads,index cards and his distractibilityro accomplish wonderfulthings. He keepsa supply_of stenopadsat his work site and alsoby everytelephgne and chair wherehe may sit. He uses one exclusivelyfor the'phone callshe receives. \Theneverhe makesor takesa call, he jots down the name an_d nhone number,rhe time and date of the call and any nores that apply.He checksoff eachcall after he returnsit. He startsa new dated list every day.This srenobook is a permanenrrecord he can refer to wheneverite needsto rememberth" d.t"ils of a particular call. More than once, he has been able to access phone number he a would otherwise have lost. He alsouses stenopadsfor jotting down ideas. His work is only briefly interruptedashe captures essence his ideason paper.Ai the the of


You MEnNI'rnr Not Lnzv.SruptoOn Cnezv?!

he his end of a work session, transfers random thoughts to index cards, categorizing them ashe goes.He files his index cardsalphabetically when he addsnew ideasto existing cards until his next work session or creates new ones. Our photographerfriend'ssystemmay be helpful for you. The steno telephonerecord can act asa backup to your phone number directory and To Do list. And the index card systemcan enableyou to usediswithout interfering with the task tracting thoughts to your advantage at hand. The key in usingstenopads,a planning notebookor post-it notesis to usethem to keep yourselfon track and to regulateyour impulsivity. In the middle of writing checks,don't stop to make the hair appointment jot you just remembered. Instead, yourselfa note asa reminderand immediatelyget back to work. Schedule Telephone Callback Times: Schedulespecifictimes to to make or return phone calls. Since you don't have a secretary screen your calls,you will have to come up with your own screeningscript. Tell the caller that you'rein a meetingand will call him back.Don't worry about lying. You are in a meeting-a meetingwith yourself! Discover ttFound" Time: Take another look at your time diary.Are there periodsof lost time?\7hat about the waiting room in the doctor's office?How about the commercialsduring the TV programyou were watching? Seehow much time you can find. '!7e That could aren't suggesting that you scheduleyour life to excess. You don't want to carry your pending file around be quite depressing. with you to work on while you wait for the red light to tum green! But what about the time you spendin the waiting room?You'vebeen wanting to write a letter to your friend who moved out of town. It's been on your To Do list for weeks.Rather than readingoutdatedmagwhy don't you write your letter while you wait?It's something azines, you've been unable to find the time to do. Stnrcture Procrastination to Your Advantage: Procrastination is the number one enemyof Time Management.Although ADDers tend


DyNavrcsOr ADD IN OncnNrZATroN: MrcHaNrcs ANo MErHoos

to procrastinate more than our non-ADD counterparts, one is imno mune from the Perilof ProcrastinationJ What if we make this enemy our friend?What if we makeit an advantage rather than a disadvantage? \7e really do need to prefacethis suggesrion with a warning ro useir at your own risk! It's possible capitalize procrastination it into on but volvesVERY carefulplanning. The unfortunatereality is that many peoplework bestwhen deadlines loom. As the deadlinegetscloser, the adrenaline startsflowing, energy goesinto overdriveand tasksarecrankedout at astonishing speed. If you know your limits and arefairly good ar estimatingtime, you can structureyour taskby purposely waiting until the last minute. This is contrary to conventional wisdom.k's usuallybetter to plan extra time rather than lesstime ro ger things done.So you probably ought to try usingstructured procrastination a job that won't yield for disastrous resuksif it doesn'rger finishedl This is how it works.Figureout the absoluteshortesttime you can reasonably expectto be able to accomplisha parricularjob. Get out whatevertime organizer you're usingand write down the deadlinefor your job. Then add a seconddeadline-the absolutelatest time you can possiblystart working on your task.You absolutely musrhave everythingelseclearedoff your daily time sheetfor the startingdeadline you'veestablished. Then be prepared do nothing elsebut use to your pumpedup energyto finish the job. 'We've usedmany "absolutes" this discussion structured in procrastiof nation because this is a risky sffaregy. We would suggest that you rry this asa last ditch effort.The saferstrategies shouldbe your first line of attack. But StructuredProcrastination might be worth a shot.

\7e've considered time and space distinct organizational as processes. If you recall from the diagramat the beginningof the chapter,you know that organization dependenton memoryand attention. They're is all interrelated-organizationstrategies dependon your remembering. And to remember, must be able to attend in the first place.In the you next chapter,we'll continue our discussion examining the other two by partsof this interrelationship.


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'Jorunqpue ,{seluBJ se^ol PuBsuonsBJrsqe qSnoJqlsurEsl'elnlcrd 8tq egr grlrn sur8aqoqt\ Jeurealelrtrntur 'enndaoredB eq l,erunoL rg '8ururea1 'lecrtcerd'crlsrlear eq uo-spueqsra;erd oq^\ JeureeleteJf,uof, B 'dars-dq-dars /.eurno1 'SurIulqr pernlcrurs'1ecr3o1 q8norqt srueeloq^\ raluBal lertuanbes'pa11elep eg l,eurno1 'Surssacord B uorteturolul Jo sruals,ts pazrlenpl^lpultrq peugaprequnJ ere se1,i,ls fuoruaru/8ururea1 'Surureal roJ uoneruJoJur Jotlf,ueot tl op pue tr ees'tr reeq ot speauoqrv\ JeuJBel fuosues-lrlnru B eq Leurno^ 'lle tueqt asnno,i.esnef,eq al[rs Suru:ea1 peue;ardrnoL eulJepl,pealc ot elqeun eg derunol, rg 'lletap ol uonuelteur ro an8rte; ennruSof, r.{tr/r\ srualqordcglcadsot anp IIe^{ pBert(useopoq^\ JauJBel 'elzznd e eqr;o rred oslEerBslrcrJap IBnsrA eq ,ieruno^ ccv anbrun rno 'e8en8uel uer{t rer{terErBplef,rreunu;o rndur fuorrpnuq8norqr tsaqrueel [eru noL 'eldruexeroC 'uollenbe aq] ot ur rotJBJslllls IBlr -ueqf,eu pue a8en8uel'gleru roJ sepntgrde crrsrld pnpl^lpul 'Irotv\eruery -tuls ,(penoslgf ueqt xeldurof,eJoruere fuoureu pue SururealasJnof,,O 'S>lsBl lBuorlf,rulsur SunelndluBul[llectsdqd ro sdnor8Sururealul pa^lo^ur Llenrlceara^\ noL uaqn nol, ro; rseqpe{ro^t l,lqeqordlooqls 'rl or petceuuof,uoure [ue ]nogttn fuottpn Jo sr IBnsrA tndur ueq^\ sruelqordfuoruarue^Eq i{erunol, tng 'fuorueu esuas [poq 'alytcetrno[ grlrn ,,leddn-lexrJ,, pue etelgte tote8rneutuellef,xeuB eq Leu no[ teureel f,rlaqlsaul{e ar,no/,;1 'loorlrs r{8tq rorues pue rorunl ul elf,rqe^Surqcearaqr euBsaqsaJntf,el uer{^t&lnotglp JBInJruEd pararunoJueaABq,teu nod 'trefuatunof, JeuJeel fuorrpnernoL e{llun 's8urnasesoql ur suor}Je -retul seq leqre^ er{l ot Surpuodser,blncl}Jlp oq,!\ tnq IIe/r\senf,lerf,os dn slcrd oqr!\rapearpoo8 B aq deu notr 'rndur lBqre^yrl,n sruelqord

aqt Jo sllerep aqt IIB euISBuI ot llasrnoL molle pue ItBq tts 'aurog rnol 'no[ ]sure3e peetsur no,( Jo] Jo uoJruof, eqt u1 ]o IJo^\ ot uortedrf,uue eqt esn 'tJets ot eoeld e epIAoJd uec ,i.rourerugtlrtt sereletul Alalxue rqt Surpuutsrepunrnq ualqord srqr ot uoltnlos aldruls B t(usl areqJ 'ure8e-Llqeresrru IIB, II,aH Jlesrl teader lllm [rotsrq pue erur] slq Suorrn eqt tB tno {uBIq II,oH '{Jo/v\t(uod\ fuouraru f,rteJJe tBqt part}J -ret s(aH 'lq8p; a8els;o ear8ap Burz,{1ered acueuedxe uer reOCV e uB lng 'pBerpJo esuosB rl]r/v\Sulleeds crlqnd qreordde aldoed Jo sto'I ol ,,'ri,BS Suro8 ar,nof lgr{.r re8ro; sLenle no[ mou{ no1 ir] /v\olq ol SuroB eJ(no ,, :u^\o str jo spJol\{gtlrlr Sutlltj sr ureJq rno,{ 'qtnour rno[ Jo rno spJo/!\eqr Surrra8 ur8aq no[ sy 'Surpunod sr ueeq rno[ pue Sururnqf, sr rloeruo]s rnoL '8ur1egs eJBspuer{ Jno i((tno {uBI9,, o1 l,1uouortBtuasard selesrno[ peue]s noA erreg sarurl [ueru ^\oH :r{..roura;41 IIII A sere}relq leql &aTxuv aql ezlwlqnt '8uteq-11ed\ Ieuoltorue leraue8 rno[ oslB pue Lroruaur rnoA anordrur ol elnpaqcs L11ep rno[;o rred B ]r aTBIN'LpelnBertr esn pue noL ro; IIer!\ $lro/v\ teqr uals[s B pul; or rirl 'lcafqns eq] uo sadel pue slooq Jo Jequnu B ur peurltno eJBpu sJetuecSurureal dllunruuror pue uortBeJf,eJur peJal;o eJEsesJnocSurureJt uonBXBIeJJo spur1 snorJBA 'uorlBJluef,uof, 9llrn eJeJJel -uI leqt srq8noqr qtr/r\ uonednccoard ruog dpoq pue pullu rno.( eer; UBJ uorlezrlensrl ro SurgreeJqdaep 'uorlexeleJ alf,snurenrsserSord;o senbrurlcet eqJ 'senbruqoet uortexeler snorJBA SursnJo rrgeq er{t ur teC 'JeqrueueJ PUB elBJluaf,uoJ l(uBc nort 'sassarlsaJII snorJBA Pue furo/| Lq pardncroard are srq8norlt rno/. jl 'JeqrueureJ ,brpqe rnoL uo tcedrur suonorue pue ot pooy\ ;pesserdapro pessertsno,{ ery;8ur1ae; no,{ ere A\oH :xBIeU ;remod iboruaru rno,{ sef,uer{ueteql eoeld pue arult B pul, no[ ue3 iraquauer ol 8urfur ar,no/, q]lq^A repun saf,uets -runcrrf, eqr e8uegc nol, UBO itueruuoJrnue pellrj-uortJeJtsrp 'Lsrou e ur Surqreuos JequelueJ ot Surr{rrnor{ ary :seruulsurnlqC aql az[1euv 'punu ur (s)a1&sStntueal rno,i,dael'mo11o;terp suormeSSns or{rJo eruospear

'((Jeqto tno rq8u puB JBeeuo ur saoS puB op o1 eql noL ller 1,, tl tBr{/t\ 'spron eqt pJeaq,(puanbar;aneq l,eurnoAdn Sur,ror8eJe^\noL ueq4l 'eJarl.A{eruos B tI elIJot uoga snorf,suoo eletu nod ptun SulqlLuealols,!rad .old t,ueo noL tng 'ot ureqt tuBA\no,t lou Jo Jeqterl \ sue8rofuosues rnoA ot /,e,r. rreqt e{BruIII^\ tueuruorrlue eqt urog IFrultS .luaserdl,lletuaru og tsnrunol, '8urqilue reqrueuer oI 3reqr,ueweg ol erloqC eqf e{BHl elqellorruooun grlrn lno tsrng Aeurno,{ro,(serue;srql ur qf,nru i3ur133r8 oor e81npul,uop rsnf'8urue]Berqtsselqrnru pue l,11ls reqler readde111m Legr 'e,i.e s,purur rno,(ul 'epnu egr ul Jo Jean\Jepun Surllls ef,uerpne ur rnod eur8eul 'tq8p; a8elsranbuocot >lf,rJt s(Jotce esnosleuBf,no1 uB 'sluedrcrtred eouarpne ruor; noL IBnPI^lPq .lo suoltcBerpuB sereJeqr uo qf,ntu oot SursncoJ pue drouaru ot uortueDerno,{esealf,ur tf,BJtslp uBf,srql'xBIeJ ot anf, rnod setutod rnoL esnuef, nod 'uortoeeJ af,uerpne e8ne8ot peeu IBJoJ q8noqlly 71esrno,i, punor8 ot tl te azeB puB eruxr; rq8rl B sBr{rns 11,nol, 'uortetuasard B lurod IBco,IBJtnau esoot{f, rno,{a{Btu ot otun s,tl ueq/N\ '8urfurolr peatsur Jo Suuequrerual sar8reue ro; rnort dn ear; uec nod ,rbarxue rnort eseeJoap ueo no[;1 'petdnccoLlanllf,nJlsuoo punu rno,(uerll\ sarJJoA\ sr pue sJBeJ rno,i.uo snf,oJ alult sseleABqno^ 'ef,ueruro}Jad ot {sel uo snf,oJ rnort eseeJcur 's8ulqt esaqrJo eruoslnoqe Allecrrsrlear nor{, Surlurqt ,tg 'esnods JoJJnu Jo rno,t ue Jo pealsuref,uerpne or 3ur11er al,noLueqt\ ef,ueJaleJ eruegInJesn no,i,senrS e pue loJtuoo ur noi{ Jo 'tsJolrstr stnd Surlurqr enrtrsod'rseqstr lB tr ozrlBnsh te uortenlrsaql ezIIBnsIA nol' rer;y isalllllqlssodetorual,t1uo f,rlsrlueJ Jo sJBeJ rno,{ary 'orJEuass esBc tsJo^\B Jeprsuoc iuortBntrsaqt tnoqBree; nor{op lBq/)N

ur perogcuedlurlJ l1 s1;,{esot teq/r\Jaqruetuar oC .af,rtf,erd no,t pue sf,uerpnB rno[ sBrorrnu aqr esn ieTI lea] 1l seopreq4t'Suroer uBeq rno[ pue SurrBen\s sruledrno,{ :suor]Jeer rnoAtnoqBIul{I 1ecrs,{qd
'pBeJpno^ uonBnlrs


^llenuEuof,aq 2lleg $q rsn[PBer seoq lIJerxapert leuosredsrq srleqt qf,lB^\ra>1cod JBa^\ seoq lef,ue B eq +eeddesrq rnoqeenbrunSurqrLue ereqt sI 'eslaeuoeruos ruog uede ruq les tBqt senlJJo selou letuaru aletu pue ot eureu JlesrnoL seturtIBJaAes srq /,es(zneu euoeuros teetu no[ ueqlx\ 'seopuor]e^Jesqo lryeJectng '[roruaru uI BlBpaq] eJnf,es JoqcueuB aprlord ol t,usaopSurqlatuos Suueegro Suraas ,(1dung :raaresqo regeg e eg ol Jlesrnol uIB{ 'uoIlBluJoJuI asol eql snorf,suof, IIIAInor{ro JequaueJ ol uorsrf,ap B alBlu 01 a^Bqnor{rng ,{sea t(usrl1 'furecdagr oSreoar{tJo esne{Blu or sdrqs iEJor"ru{q mup asoqtJo ,trrcole^eqt u/!\op^rols ot peeu no1 'SuueqruetueJ ueq,t. sueddeqtBqA\ uonetuaserdar tB IJol!\ l(uop noz( ro eleJnf,oe sr uortezrlensr^ uE terll tlsnouas iJBer;a1rnoA tno Surtooqs pue urerq rnoL lo surnl pue stsr/t\t eqt g8norqr Surllanerl (JBe tq8r.r rno,{ olur Suruooz sdrgsta{f,oJ pro/r\durf ;o sperpunqJo erntcrd 1er -uetu Inlepuom e dn ernfuoco] aurt pardnr:eturunpBq no1 iruooJrnod ol lues pue Suruelslltou JoJpaqsrundaralr no/. uag^r lear8 ll t(useAt

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Lueyq'3ur1urqt ur fua8erur Jo asneqt;o aldulexeuB sr ((iueetuI ter{^,\ easno,(oq,, 'uorssardxa aqJ :d.roure141 lBnslA-sasuas Jno esn 'raqreSor secetd elzznd petoeuuof,aqt Jo tseJeqr rnd uec no,{ 'eJotsfuecor8eqt ot tno st aql JI Jelsea acetdfuoruaruSurssrtu SurpurC ero;ege8ere8 ur JlaqsB uo 4a1noL tBorureregr pue fuo aqr pepeaqno.,{ -ruerueqr qloq purJot elqeeq Leu noL 'suonerf,osse eseqtg8norqa apls ilBoJuIBrrnor{tsol Lpeerleno,(peg 'Suruunr eJeA\ no,(;1 jtruotsureJarlr Suunp IJoA^, tuog Jo ol ,{e,rrno/.uo nor(eJellr'esec;euq rnoL Burfurec eJeA\ noA;1;sauecor8 rno[ yrlrn rnodumope q8norqr Suruunrla^r ;o s8eqaerqr pue esef,Jauq Surleosro8 no,(Lup aqr tl t(use/X\;urer plp ,iepreq16 .suorlBrf,osse ll etBAItoB selrjfuorueurrno,{ot ur oB 'laan tsBIteof,urerrnori, nol, pue r;a1 eJoq^r Llsnolnf,BJnu Jeqrueruar /r\oqeuos11,nol, ter{t Surdoq;lesrnod putl nod erult lxeu eql iSutlensnr;Llaruenxesr ,,'en8uolLru;o drr eqr 'r1t1,r uo rg8u s,11,, Bur188mts 3lxaluo3 lefuel1e uI uoTleurJoJullncl '/v\ou{Lpeerleno,{ 'ezrJo Surgleuros uoueruJoJur ot A\euer{r Joqtue pue suonsenb IrV -tueurol 8urful el,no[ ]eq^{;o Surueeu aql puetsJepun /,pee1c tBrll noL sJnseleyr1droruetutuJet3uo1ul rl eJots,{ltueueuradol elqe aq J(uo^r nor{'11 Surlelr8rn8er dldrulseJntBuxalduoc B}o uortBtuJoJur Lq Jeq -ruerueror ful no[;1 lezuorual4l ol Euu{"5 ar(no1 fBq/K pue}srepun rno/, lrec Surssrur B puIJ ot enrtf,etep pue eruoq nol, enup ot rxet e 3ur11er pua l,eur dn noL 'Lertr JaqtoueuI elBp tBt{t Jor{f,ue t(uop no,i;l tng 'u/t\optr elrJ/nol g8noua3uo1lseal te-ur peryedno,{a8ere8 8ur>ped qcrqm roquouer no,{ dleq uBf,tl 'drouraru turat uoqs ro;1n;d1eqeq ,(eruuortBruro}ur jo uonltader aldrurg :uorlezrJor,ue'\I elog Jo esn rnoif eJnpeg 'slleleP ,tlalBrnf,rB,orequnu eqr jo {f,Brr dael Peraqrxaruar rno[ sBetur] ,,r{,pnts,, sporJed pue senordul IIBceJ reuoqs 8urrro11e Jo fu1 'qderSoroqdautze8eue Sursn,{q asrcraxa fuourarulensr^Jo pur{ erueseqt op uBf,no1 'peloruer sB^\arntcrdeqt uar{^\slleteppeJaqueu 'teruroJ -er er{t B lle perrodarpue qderSoroqd peuruexe sluetsaluo3 stl sB,{roureru eJeql o8e sJBeA pesnfeqt /!\oqserue8nI B sBA\ IBnsrA 'uoltBnJesqo sramod rnod anordrurot suorsses ef,rlf,Brd peuueld esn Jo

tnoqe {ulq} puB J}o tg Suru:nt Jo uolloru eqt eleraSSexe'uo uorl eql aleel ,{lruanbar; nod 'rno tl lf,B uogr pue tl Sulop;1asrnol, ezIIBnsIA }l 'ezlJorueruot esuesfpoq 'reqruarueJot peou noL leqlr lnoqe {ulql eqf rxoU A\oJJoq'oueqlsaupt sl eporu rno,{ esn puB eJlotradal s(Jotf,B Jno asn Surureel paue;ard rno,(;1 :,fuourel I tpeqlseuDr-sasues 'edet rno,i, }o {leq tre1dno,{.se l1 leeder pue rapJooal edel e uo spuBJJe tsrl ro qcaeds rnod pJoJaU '8uos u/t\onl llerv\e;o sctr,tl eql uI Jeqrueru -eJ ot paeu no,i,s8urql eqf Sutuesut ro eurdqJ B uI fstl Sutddoqs rno/, Surnnd fu1 '1pcar fuoruau tdruord ot ,btnrtysuespunos pue auLqr 'protr rrer{l esn uBf, srer.rrealIegren :rlrouray4l .fuo11pnv-sasuas rnol asfl 'fuorueur rnor{ Suudtuord ur eq III/n a8erur er{t e^nf,eJJeeJour er{l 'uorlezrlensrl pue suortf,euuof, er{t snoe8ertno eJoru ar{J 'erueu tsJrJsrr{ ot uortJeuuof, PezrlBnsrnrno,{ 'esrnoc Jo 'q r{3lt{AAma$ Jo IA\oq a8ng e ur Surururrn\ssr fuec rno,{ '.{rlJ fueurpro a)illun 'eJntBeJluecr;ru81s tsoru s,uerufueC 'r]At IBer aqr sI slqt esneoegJIBII por Jo spunoru gtlrn peranof, sl rlslJ ruer8 rno ' (4loct r{sr; tuBIS e;o e8erut leluaru e ateerf, rq8nu nor{ 'uerufu"C uunts 'tuetlc A\eu rno,i.Jo eruu oqt JequeureJ ot paau noL;1 'serueu Suuaqruerual Joj IIaA{$Fo/v\ Lra8eutt IBtueW 'JetBI uler{r ro; Surgf,Jees tJets nod ueq^\ puttu rno[ ur dn dod lllm ere8elNJo a8eruruB reqr er sef,ueqc'putqaq rueqt e^Eel op no,i;l uole tng 'tuer{t lnoqtl^\ ruoor aqt ro tno Sutzaerqruog;1esrnol, dots ot q8noua aq Leru a8eurr eqt etearf, ot tueruotu B 3u1ry1 islleC ere8elp relo ldems are ,teqr sBtnoqB Surssol sLel rnor{ ezrlensrn-e8eurt IBtueuI eAIl 'spueq rno,{ qse^t -eur8urur uB etBaJJpue lelnej eqt pue tueqt te {ool rno,i. dorp no[ sy or paddots en,nori,eJeq^\ luls tuooJqteq eqt uo s,i.e>1 'eJar4\euos u \op tueqt tnd ol uets nor{ erurl lxeu aqr anbtuqoel 8urmo1 -lo; aqr Sursn fur 's,{e1rec rno,{ aceldsnu Lleuttnor nor( JI 'tl paeu no,{ ueq^\ IIEOaJ tdruord ot puB uorteruJo;ul Jo uolteJtst8ar IBIIIUI eql str anordur ol fue8erul lerueu pue uonezrlBnsrnesn uef, notr 'SuuaqueuaJ JoJJor{oue poo8 B sI puB dttnnearf, pue uotteut8Brul JoJ slsq eql sI pue pulru aql uI ueqr gllrn ,,r{,e1d,, seSeur lBtueu uSrsepor Lrrlqe uy 'sernlctd letueru eteJf,uof, olur petBlsuBJl ,ilssepro;;a JoqtBJaJBsecuauedxa pue sSurlaa; 'uorlemro;ur Sunuooul 'fuoruau IBnsrAq8nortp rseq JaqruelueJaldoad
NVEIAI no^ uo iiAZVuc ardrus'LZYaroN h{,1

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'urerSord eqr Jo eq ro; ((setenper3,, sdnor8UoddnsSuto8uogflm PaJnlJnJls fg8nu surer8 -ord eruos 'suolssas cglcedsJo snloj eqr eq Plno/t\l,11ue;eJllua aql Surdoopue elll Jo se8ets tuaro#lp te tced roj uortetnpfl 'sar8aterrs -xe lnoqe uolleruJolul aplnord ot terllv\'slce;;aeplspue suolteclPeru ' e 'lt uotsl^ue e^r sV plno/KsJeCCV ro; ruerSord leuollB3nPaoqcfsd 'runJoJ alrtoeJatul uB ur aceld eTBl eA\ Jno e^Itoe#A'sJePBeJ qll^\ lf,BJalulJ(uef, leql plnoqs uortmnpaotlcLsd aql roj sr uonetuJolul Sur8ueqJxe runlperuslqt jo a8eluenpeslP 'esJnof, 'se^lesueql etef,npeot esnuef, sraPBor lr{l uollBluro;u1aplnord JO Jot{touele,i.sI Toog slt{I ol ueag seqtl Sunuznur leo8 JnO 'uonBrJB^ '[ep aql Jo pue eq] tB oluoq {teq dn.mo11og elqrssod J(usI eueldB uo sr raleadseqr asnef,aq Surpeaq 'uonentrs B tor{s-euoB are ,{aqt lnq leluJoJJBIItuls esnsaf,ueJsJuoS .uonuuolur eJeqs sJe{Eads B Surlnpeqrs[q rt ]o uoItBIJA aterodJoout ot sdnor8uoddns COV eruos 'erult slql tE CICV ro, uollecnpaoqc,{sd oltrll sI aJeql ,{rrleerur tng asuel lueserdaqr Pesna^eq o71N pezrue8ro 'tl roJ [rlpqtsuodsererotu serunsse arecqrleeq rag ]noqBalqe Pu .a8pelmouI oJotusr Jatunsuof, qlHr!\ ut ruats,{s oJBf, qllBer{B PJB/l\o] eqt aql elour eqr pardruordslql 'sassen8 tseq aqt lseel t ro sre^t\su qll^\ 'tuellf, JegJoJsuoISIcaP or{r!\leuorssa;ord aPeru agf IeuorsseJord sB^\aqs I{rlBeqletueru tueloneueq'cttstleu:eledB}o se/v\ IePoruImIPauIPIo eql 'sJaIu-uoIsIJeP se aAIlcB sa^Ies -ureqt slenpl^lpur eqt-erec qtpeq ueeq letueru rler{t ruog Sutsstur eulof,aqe^BqsJetuns .(18urseeJf,ul per{ aoerdtuuuodrur ue teqt eJBA\e -uoC .r{tlBeqlBtuau ur lueruenourJerunsuoc aqr Surznor8 tuog penlo^a ruory snoIrBA peal seqrdotuoo eqt 'sdnor8leuollesnpeoqcAsd sPIeU sleuorssalord g8noqrlv 'srualqordleuortoule ro leluaru Hrlrneldoadro; /nau LlanrrelalB sI uollBJnPeoqcLs4 er{t alqelrB^esesJnoseJ o1uorlrPPB 'stlnpB rue8rllarursBpelBenar,faql JI sa^lesueqtJo erecra]teq ,{leranes ueAA'lelluetod reer8serl eIBt ot ureel uec aldoedpalqesrp q8noqr B r1 ',trr1ear uetlt gsl,n BJo erou q CCV ro, uollernPeor{3,isd .lV eref,ot ureel uer tlnpe ue tBqt sr eldrcuud 8ut,(lrepun Jlesraqr_oj ol eql 'srualqord lenplnlpul a8eueru loot B sBpeptnordsI uolterurolul
nOI i:lzvuc uo crldms'LZvaJ,oN hl,l NVEIAI

saJeqs secllJes seteuopeqs(dnoJ8 setetrlrJeJ Jeq eqt B PUB leuorsseJoJd 'luatue^lo^ul e fuee1 JI rBqr luetuerrnbar uauo sr ereql lBuorsselord;o ueuo ere sdnorS ,{puanbasuo3'tuetua^orudleq-Jlas paf,BJque oqr e^Bq .urats,(s Aueru'rueruqsrlgBtse aqr qrleaq letueru leuorsseJord HrlrnfuSuy eA\,, B sdnor8 rroddng ,,1Saq.,lroul ol asuodseJ sedn 8urudsued ul eABq 's8urtaeru SurrellllteJpue Surzr egr -ue8ro surnt eIP sJequaruagr 'pearsul 'Japeel tuaueruradou sr eJaql 'VV sBqrns sdnor8derg'an1el[ u1 'sdnor8esaqr peel puB ezrue8ro sef,I^Jes qflBaq sesBJ lsoruul 'suollBuoP gflrlt lBlualuJo sJeunsuof, elerado ro e8regrJo ee5 sdnor8esaql '?u1"wrqs Suuncuo 1,11e pue -raue8sr snf,oJ eqJ 'raqto qf,eeol dleq elqBnlB^ur rarjo uBc sreqtuetu 'd1eq3les eleuortereqI dnor8 Fnpl^lpur ter{r sr sdnorg rroddngro Jo sdno.rg poddng ro d1ag,;1ag irtBuurf,ulSuI sn ulol uec no[ 'BaJB rno[ ur dnor8B pul] l(uBO nor{;l sdeqre4.Buo1 oor erojaqacelduI srqt elll urBrSord e^Br{II,ea 'Ir.l qrllN .uonBf,rpeu B puo[aq pepeeulderaqr Lluo eqr eg rq8nu ]r 'eruos roC .tl;o a8etue^pe e{Bt 'sraqqy ro; ruerSord B etuof,eq noL;1 leuouef,npeotlc,isd }o aJBA\B 'seare Jleqt ut dnor8rBlltulse dolanapot ryo^{eruB{B sBtl esnuec sJepBaJ eruosedoq a41 'dnor8 leuorlBf,npeoqcLsd eaueSroot eturt eqr pulj e oA\sEuoos sBesnor ueld eA\euo er{l sr pautllno e/v\ unlnf,rJJnf,eqJ 'sunroJ rBIIurspetBtllr3BJ e^Bqpue sdnorS eseqr;o ,rana lBuouBf,npe 'seteconpe -^Aorl SuortseJB e/N itsrxalaz(1,septeqt sdnor8 leuortef,npa -ogol,sd stlJeueq ot urees rq81ru l1 Jo PuBaleuorterer{t ssnf,srp rrBJun 'dals tsrrJ3ql aq sdearrlB plnoqsuorlBrnpE'paauno,i dleg leuorssa;ord 'sruelqord rno,{ eJnlBu "toPulI eqt euruJatepot elqBuneq Leurno/, 'trBtsor aceld aqt aq LlqeqordJo ar{l puBtsrepun no.( plnoqs 1l llruo 'serderaqrogclsdJo 3uo1 eJo puo eqt tB sreadde t$l uorlrassrgrg8noqrlv '8uru:ee1 eluBqueot pesneq IIE plnor 8ur,ie1d puB fureod,surllj ,uorssnosrp slor dnorg 'stuedrorrred Jo tsaretureqt ploq pue IBrretBU r{cBet eqr eql ol sanbruqoal &auen E esnplno^\ repeelpoo8 V .spoqteu leuortBf,npe;o Surqceal euoreq oqr!\sreureelluaia!!ry IBuoItIpBnqtl^{ peroq,tl>1crnb ueuo eresraCCIV'serntJal,oserres tsnl eq ](uplnoqsuortBf,npeoqcLs4 e
rdvuaHl suol^I aNV IdvuEHJ

'e^rrf,elJe eq l(uo^r rallortuoc e l,q pe1dnor8 y 'ramod JoJpeeu B-suosBar Suormeqt JoJseloJdrqsrapeol eunsseeldoadatuos 'Llqenar8ag'dlaqJles Jo qeo8 eqt ot tuetutnuruooB pue sllHs aldoed ureur orlJ poo3 ser{eqsleqt are repealdno.r8 uoddns B ro, suorlecrJllenb 'sdnor8 lenpl^lpul Jo ,brlenb aqt ur ,{rrpqeuenlear8 sI oreqt 'spunorSpeqtuerelJlpgrlm aldoedi(q unr pue pezrue8ro ere 'uortneo pron\B l,agr esnef,eg are i1n;d1eq sdnof dleqlles IIB toN Jo ezn arB ppErsn1u 'sdnorSaseqrJo slueuodord3nsBrsnqlua am qSnoqllv 'reprosrp ql/tr a^rl t(useopoq^t lsrderaqt eqt B dq u/!\ouIun serurteruos sarBeleJts Surdor;o e8pelmoul peuJBe.pJerl 'dnorg er{t ereqsuBf,sreqruaru d1eq11eg }o ernlcnns eqt ulqtllN eqr '[deregr eqr ruog Surssnu ecerd sr tuetrodul eqt '.CCV seq ler]uerJedxa eql uauo sr pue tsrdereqroqc/.sd sselu6l'l,dereqt leuoulperr ur Surssrru fuenocer;orred ler8elurue sr slqJ 'sruelqord leqr ro; l;lyqrsuodser erunsse ,{lenuceuec oq \ sJaqtuaru Suuamodule sdnor8esaqa ro; are 'sJsqlueru dnor8 Jer{losEsluelqordaureseqt ruorySuuegns ef,ueuedxaeqt Jo



'sraPeal qllBeq dnor8 UoddnssurBrtpuB lBluelu B qll/tt re{ro^\ IBIf,os V sJolluotuoqt\ JoteulpJooc dnor8rroddnsB serl'elduruxaro; 'yleuurf,urC releerc eql surBtu Jo llf,unoc cov erlJ'sraqtuetuslr ,o ,irlllqrsuodsar -ar dnorBeqJ 'satctlodro suer8ord s,dnor8 rnoqe suorsrf,ep aqr eIetu l(useopaqs'aa; B roJro srler8esruedxa sepr^ord Jeqleqt\ .dnor8 JOq ags e;o Llllenb aqr anordurruec tuetlnsuof,IeuorssoJordJo seorlJes e eqI 'peel aqr 8ur1ereroJeq sdrqseorruardde elJesPUB LuBJSord lJo/t\ [..[ 'stuedrcruedse aul] Surpuads eqt Jetje alor dtqsJepeel aunssesJaqrueu'aldruexe eqt JoJ'dnor8 snoulLuouy 'suorsses sf,Ilot{of,lv uB uI 'qo[ aql uo ecuauadxaure8 osleuBO srepee-I -lqru crpouad [q pazuollo; doqs{ro^\ pualee/h B eq ueo SururertaqJ 'uorsserSSe legran gtlrn Burleapro; sar8atBrls dnor8Jo srrsBq qsBel oslBplnoqs tI 'esngB puB sctrueudp eqt pllgr ol slrlupeoqrv\ euo Jo reqluelu dnorSIBplJIns qlr/t\ Fep 01^roq pue l,rr1e B -ltuaPlJuof, epnlf,ul plnoqs Sururertaql 'Sururen atuose^Br{ Jo senssl plnoqs uieqr'sleuorssa;ord eql l(uere sdnor8uoddnsjo srepBOI q8noqlly

'Surzrlodouour are slenpl^lpul d\eJ teqr ro eraq^\ouSuro8aq e ol sureos e rBqt uorssncslp alelnturtsuauo senbruqretaseqJ 'srqSnogr Jaq 'urnt ur Jegrueru ol r{f,Be Sur8ernof,ue sJeqruaru Jo tualls [uo{ tndut ro;8ur1sesBqf,nssanbrurlcat ol speeueqs 'eualJeturot Jepeal asn 'uorssnoslp aleururopor surSeq eql JoJatun s,lr 'JeAerr\oq eqt euoeuos 'atnQlJtuof, aag st euod-rane ot puB tseJelurureturerusJeqruetu aur; JI SurdocrnoqBuorssnf,slp ue pernl3nJtsun ,eldruBxe Joc Hrla,r ;1 sl ccv 'PePeeu ernlsTurs sB aplnord ol uI dals ol paredardeq plnoqs rotBtl PaPPB -llceydnor8y '/.saunof, uounuof,Jo salrupuB seulr Surpuepue Suruets lnoqB selnrqsrlgetse plnoqs dnorSaqr lBqt 'qSnoqr ueerusaop1l 'rol -elllllBj aql Lq tas BPuoBe grirn ateldruof,uonBzrue8ro ue pFp E e^Bq plnoqs dnor8 eqt ter{t uBetut(useopslqJ .crdol B ot If,rts pue surnl eIBr sr ter{t os enrteJadulr eJnlcnr}s'dnor8 rroddnsCCV uB ul III^\ sraqrueur 'l,1pcr8o1ot1cLsd taqroue auo tBaDot ^\oq lnoqB selru unq oq rref,sreqrueru rBelf,lnoqlllN 'snroJB lnoqll/t\ sraPuB/t\ uolssnf,slp JI Suyroqeuof,aq eql uec dnor8 uro;.ear; ri11erot .uorledrcruedAlruntroddolenbe ernsue V ot selru eq lsnu erer{J 'rltoerlf, oot sr dnor8 eql }l tsol ere dnor8 dl..{ aqJ 'erntf,ruts {oBI B sr ualqord lerluerod reqtouv JIes BJo slrJeuaq Jo

'JeqteSol Surureal eJB oq^\ eldoad uo tno uraql 8urfur JoJBuare acrloerd eqt apl^ord sdnor8 Sururerl sseuelrlrassv 'ureqt ]noqe Surpear rsnl Lq ureel ot tln]l#lp ere daql '.slll1seseql qrBer ol rduene $looq Lueur q8noqlly .ueqr Sutsn plone pue uolteoluntutuof, Jo Jo seporu enrssarsSe elrssed ezruSo -f,or ol tueel sluedrcrlred dlaq ol sr Sururerl sseuelruessv;o leo8 er{J 'peleoluntutuoJ eq rnor{ 'lso1 l(uol\ a8esseru st lutod rno,{ tBr{r an8en os Surqreuros des ro plnoqs no,t Surqleruos [us ol IIBJno^ raqretl4(\ 'uorlerruo;ur due aplnord ](useop tl 'elnf,ageur dllenba Etl rnq IBuoItBluoUuoJ eq tou l,eul uorlef,runruuroc onrssed 'rapuaJep e pue re1celle uB rltr^\ ataldruof, spunor8alrreq olur suor] -BsJaluoc urnl reqr uorlesnf,f,B notr Jo sluetuelets eJBsa8pssaur anrssar8 -By 'aurelq erBf,runruruo) t(uop reqr s8urlaa; pue speau sluaualels Jo Jeelo 'antuesse eJBsa8essetu eser{I :erdeqc JarlJBauB ur peuouuatu eA\ sa8nssaw aW aottcerd uBf, JaCCV uB 'suorsses Sururerl sseualruessv ul I 'ssauen8el eAIssBd qlyn Suuemof, Jo spueunuoJ enrssarsSB qtrl\ luauoQ -do raq JeAo Surlmoq Jeqlle 'uouectunturuoo e^rrf,aJlagllrn ,blncr.glp seq uerlo aqs 'lFpB CICV uB JoJSururen sseuenruessepueunuoJar ,(FI31.{e/X\ 'seuo antssedJo aAISSeJSSe JerpBJsa8esseru ueqr enruesseytlrn r(pea1catef,Iunturuof, ot tuedrcyrred eqr saqf,eat Surule[ sseualruessv

Eqqela ssauearuassv

crporJad qcns 'lorluoo f,fllenb JoJtusrueqJeu eruospue se ;o s,i.amns srepeeleqr roJ uerSord Sururerre ro; [qqol ol ernsag 'dnor8 rroddns e Suruelslnoqe Surlurgr sr leql uonezrue8ro Jo ued eq rq8lu notr uB 'ur\o rnor{8u[uro; JePrsuof, auo Jo reqtoue roJ Iool 'uo Suro8Ereqmgrl,r alqerroJruof,un puB dnor8 IeeJ e puane nodyl 'dnor8 aqt setutlfceyeqs^roq e^resqopue Surure[ peq sBqrepeal aqr jl rno pulC 'suorlsenb pue Jeunsuof,esr^\B eg .dnor8 1su dlaqlas e qceorddenoL ueq/r\ruaur8pnfpooa rnod puedsns t(uoq 'srapeeleqr ot Sururerlpue uoddns aplnord ot slutlnsuof,pleA puB Jeetunlongtlrn s>Fo/rr 'punor8lceq aqs
NVal{ no^ iilzvuc uo ordrus'xzvl JoN I^{,1

uBe,u,o.,o,ffi ,:;#:sK::,'"rJ:1,^ ;l?*li#,HT,f

69. eroruJo uorlf,urys^p ot peel oslBsuelqord eseql sar[\y''rC or Surproccy 'tuaruo^oru,(poqpue errusodprem{^\BpuB uorlBurproof,aLe-pueqpue 'gcnot ot ,brrrrtrsues eruBIBqgrlrn zblncr.glp ePnlf,urasaqJ 'srualqord ecuetredxaIII/I\ egs 'sesuos f,rsegeseqlJalseur t(usaopIBnplAIp IBJeAes -ul ue Jr leqt sezrJoeqr '[rrzrer8 arnf,as puB euo] B qrlm drqsuorrelar 19 'arnlsod 'stuatuanoru pezrue8ro-lle/n elf,snu 'acueleq ade o} 1ecrs,{gd speelsesues eeJr{taseqtJo uortBJ8atur l,pea 'tuaurdola^epIBtuJou qtl716 'eloq \ e se,i,poqeqt puB sued [pog lBnpl^lpul 'parecrld ol eqr Jo uorlrsodpue lueurelorr eqr esues ,b111qe Surnlonul 'asuas -rrrof, eJoruleqlreruossr uorldacoudor4 'ecuBIBq JBlnqltsel eqr esues alltf,Bt er{I 'sesues anpQacou4o.rd Jnlnq pue rlf,not seAIoAuI pue '4lifri eqr epnlcur uretsureJq ur paler8erursesues -usaft eql JrseqaqJ 'retel dolarrapteqr 'SutpeersBqf,nssassacord parecrld -ruof, eroruroJ uonBpunoJeql seuof,eqsrqJ 'e8e1ooqf,s saqoear pllql B arull aql dq Jlteruolne seruof,aq Llleraua8'aro;eJeqt'tndur fuosuas 'nreJII ,(Feadrlcedec ur s(uletsuleJq Jo er{r ;o fualse]z\t IBuoIlBzIueBro pue ruaudole^ep aqt uo spuadap lnduy IBnsrA fuorlpnexeldurocol tcBer ol ulerq eqr Jo Lt111qe rBqr slruqns eqs 'lS Jo eereeqt ur qf,reaser erp pue Sulrlrr\ elrsuetxe euop seq or.{/r\ }redxe uB sr serr{yueef 'V 'JCI 'O-I ro/pue CICV qrl^{ qen -pl^lput LueuruI uelqord aroc aql sr uouf,unJsLp uorrer8atur,i;osues anrtdepeue se{Bu puB Jeuueru terlr e^elleq ststdereqtIS 'esuodsar tuerf,rlreuB ur erep fuosuessaaue8roureJqSuruoucun;-llel\ eqJ 'esn ro; rndur l;osues Jo uoueaue8ro eqr sl uoner8alul fuosuag tparfl 'looq srqr edocseqr puo,{egsl uorteueldxepellelep B pue Jo xaldurocreqlBr sl IS puF{aqfuoar1r aql 'slsrderaqJlBuorrednccgl,q pef,rlf,Brd pue pedolenap,tderaqrJo ruroJB sl (lS) uoner8elur fuosuag uoue.r8elul d.rosuag ',blnltcnpord sanordruluollef, -runruruor elrlre#e rBq] Suuroul 't1 ro; ,{edor 8ur1pm daga 'sillIs ere uollef,Iunruruoo Jrar{tef,uequaot seel,oldueJreqt ol SurureJlJa#o setuedruor Lueyq'selllsJanrun sdnor8dtrunruuoo g8norqt elqEIrB^B pue are Laql ',blunruuor rnor{ur dnor8 B elef,ol ot ,tsea LFp; eq plnoqs rl
.r.dvuaHl euohl aNV rdvuEHJ

'sulre1f, aseqluoddnsot slle;qf,rBesar Poqraurelgenle^B eq IIIts tq8tu 19 'uortuane eJntnjellsuatxe pue uorteJtueouof, panordtursBqf,ns JI ueAE 's1aae1 raq8rqlB uolter8atutfuosuas penordtul sturelo or Jo ,stsrdeJeqt elBler uanordun aql 'qf,not grl,n sertlnlrlJlp pue ef,uBIBq IS 'o slcadse 'uotteutproof, arrordrut sdleqIS rqr slse88ns r{JJBaseJ :q lectsAqd ,ser^(y 'rt Sutl'pntsueqt [dererp Eulop srseqdura uo erorueceld srsrdereqr 19 'spromJaqrou1 'ra^{ ueeq t(uaneqacrtoerdaqt }o stcedse padolanap IIa^,\ eqr qf,reesar lBf,rteroaql l^qzn slql sdeqro4'suelqord ol qoeorddeuo pue sl -spuBq clteuSerd e ue>1er ,i11ereue8 ldereql leuorrednf,f,o3o aurld seq -llslp eql 'tr sanordsrp qsrBesar petrlull rBqt anrt oslBs(trtng 'srrJeueq str s,15 elep patrurl ]qt enrt s(tl 'ls uo etBpqf,rBas Jo sturBlf, srroddns -er o^uroddns sF{rroJ uosBer lsrrj aqJ Jo llBI eqt ot patBlersr uorsrf,ep '[deraqr rueeJ]surBtu sB epnlf,urol suoseaJ e IS 'slqr grl,n Surllsarm roj rerlv .ruersls qtlBer{IBr IBrenes peplrep eA\ -uetu aqt paqsrlqBlse Jo sreglualupetsedser pue penlB^ orBoq^\ stsde 'ldereqr enrl -rerlr [q leuorredncf,o pacrrcerdsr IS lBq] sr epls dtu eql -BuralleelqBuorlsenb sBpeqlrf,sep B ,{Fuanbausl IS 'srgeuaq srurBlf, Jo slt uoddns ot r{f,Jeesal tuerorllns3ur1ce1 'uorrdo tuotuteoJtB se,(de -reqJ uouer8arul fuosuasuouuaru Lllensr t,usaoparntererll qCIV eql 'uortBlnrults sle^alJe^\olJelsetu jo puB etBJa -lot ot surBeltuallf, er{t sBuorlelnruns eqt eseeJf,ur [11enper8 suors o] -sos eqt sueld[11n;arec aqr trrleer uJ 'uorssas ,ie1d rsrderaq] pasrnradns B uBql erour elnll eg o1reeddeuec AderaqrIS 'ranresqo eqt IBnsBJ oJ 'uoltotu ut dpogreq ar{l retoors Jo esues ratserutuerlr erp dleq or spreoq pue sdruerPUBaf,ueleq esues eqt ofelnrurlsol s8urnssesn,ideragr Jo 'Peqcnol eg or elll t(useopoq^\ tuarlf, B r{]r/v\ [1zno1s ,{1rua3 pue IS s{Jo/t\ tsrderaqfoql 'uol}Blnulfs alltcel saprloJdurls s(tuerlf, of eqr 'Surqqng'tueruelour ernsserd snoro8rn patlddero Surqsn-lq pue uortrsod (qJnol [Poq PUB ecuBIBq f,rseg azrue8ro ,trrpqe er{t or Jo suor]esues s(tuetsulBrq uaqr8ueusot pau8rsap lderegJ uouer8erul fuosueg eqr sr 'Sunperuos SurlcnJlsuof, slrsualn Jo Surrea Sursn'Surtum;o Arrnrtf,B eqt Inlesofund rltrlr\ eJaletur qllls 'uJnt u1 'Ll111qB]s erour esaqtur sdeS pef,uB^pB lBuortotuepuB le^el [rlnlrce 'uedsuol]uene ttrnrlre Jororupauueld sBr{f,ns'{qllls peoue^pe

oslB sBureeJtsurBtuoqt ruou pe^olueJ JeJse eJBlBt{] eruos lnoqB PBOJ 'no^ ot rerlrlue; Llqeqord are reqr eruos rnoqe pear IllA\ no1 IIIllr no 'stlnpe CCV lenpl^lpul ro; stlJeuag ro#o rq8tu pue /.eznLue ut 1n; -luJeq ruaest(uop teqt eruos pepnlcur e^Bq e46 'serdBreqteAItBLrIerlB jo ,tteuen B ra3$o sreleeq [qdosollqd eBy A\eN ro sre]uec Sutleeq f,ItsIIoH

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i Stills, i, Lancet. 1008-1012,1077in conditions children, abnormalpsychological G.F. (1902). Some 1082,1163.1168. 2 Goldstein, andGoldstein, (1990). NewYork:John in AttentionDisorders Children. M. Managing S. WileyandSons. 3 American (2nd (1968). mentaldisorders Diagnostic statisticalmanualof and Psychiatric Association. ed.). \Uashington, Author. DC: 4 American (3rd (1980).Diagnostic statistical manual mental of disorders and Psychiatric Association. Washington, Author. DC: ed.). 5 American (4th (1987).Diagnostic statistical manual mcntal of disorders and Psychiatric Association. Washington, Author.DC: ed.). 6 Zu*.tkin, A.J.,Nordahl, S' !il.E.,Rumsey, Hamburger, & M., T.E.,Gross, King,A.K.,Semple, J., The of onset. glucose with hyperactivity childhood in meabolism adults R.M.(1990). Cerebral Cohen, of 323 NewEngland Joumal Medicine, (30),136l-1366. 7 Zm.tkin, A.J.,& Rapoport, (198i).Neurobiology attention with hyperactivity: disorder of deficit J. Psychiary, Academy Child andAdolescent of of where have come 50yearsl we in lournal theAmerican 26,676.686. 8 Leuine, (198?).DevelopmentalVariation Leaming Educators Massachusetts: Cambridge, Disorders and M. Inc. Publishing Service 9 Ingersoll, (1988). with AttentionDeficit Disorder. Guide Coping to Child:A Parents B. YourHyperactive NewYork:Doubleday. 10T.11.g.n, Lykken, N.L. T.J., K.J.& Segal, (i988).Personality S., A., D.T.,Rich, Bouchard, Wilcox, Psychology,54 and Personality Social apart together. and similarity twins in reared 6),1031-1039. Joumalof 11Ch.rr, S.,& Thomas. (1984). Adult to Disorders: Infancy Early From of Behavior OriginandEvolution Life.NewYork:Brunner/Mazel. 12Ingerroll, YourHyperactive Child. B. 13F.ingold, (19?5). House. New B. \UhvYourChild isHyperactive. York:Random 14 Sri,h, L. (1975). House. New Behavior Chemistrv. York:Random YourChild's 15Toffl.r,A. (19?0).Future House. NewYork: Random Shock. 16Co*ingr,D.E.(1990). Press. Duarte, California:Hope Behavior. Svndrome Human and Tourette 17Erikron, NewYork:\il.\7. Norton& Co. E.H.(1950). and Childhood Societv. 18W.irr, G. & Hechtman, (1986).Hvperactive Press. Children GrownUp. NewYork:TheGuilford L.T.




19W.irr, G. & Hechtman, Hvperactive L.T. Children GrownUp. 20W.irr, G. & Hechtman, L.T. Hyperactive Children GrownUp. 21Leuine, DevelopmentalVariation Leaming M. and Disorders, 22Gol.rnrn,D' (1992,JanuaryiFebruary). that \Tounds never heal:howtrauma your changes brain.Psychology pp.62,66,88. Today, 23Kil.u, D. (1983). Peter Svndrome. York: The Pan New Avon. 24Al.hoholi.sAnony*our.A.A. !7orldServices:New York,NewYork. 25Longr.r.,D.l. (1980). LivingMorewith Less. Scottdale, Pennsylvania: Herald Press. 26Drrdig, e. Heward, \iil.L.(1981). (Znded.). Sign Here; contracting forchildren theirparents. a book J,C. and Ann Arbor,Michigan: Edward Brothers. 27Winrro.,, (1978). S. Getting Organized. York:WamerBooks. New 28Lrpp,D. (198?). Don'tForget: Exercises a Better Easy for Memory Any Age.NewYork:McGraw.Hill. at 29s.h.ib.r, B. andTalpers, (198?) Unlocking Potential. Maryland: AdlerandAdler. J. 30 S.h.ib.r, B. andTalpers, Unlocking Potential. J. 31 S*ith, S. (1986). Easy No Answers. Leaming The Disabled Child at Homeandat School. Newyork: Bantam Books. 32 Silu.r,L. (1984)The Misunderstood Child.NewYork:McGraw.Hill. 33 S.h.ib.r, B. andTalpers, Unlockin&Potential. J. 34Cousins, (1989). N. Head First. The Biology Hope. of NewYork:Dutton. 35 Gli.k, D. (1992, 13).Newage meets hippocrates. p. Newsweek. 58. Jul1, 36U/.irr, G. & Hechtman, L.T. Hyperactive Children GrownUp. 37W.irr, G. & Hechtman, L.T. Hyperactive Children GrownUp. 38W.irr, G. & Hechtman, L.T. Hyperactive Children GrownUp, & Goldstein, (1990). S. M. Managing Attention Disorders Children: Guide Practitioners. in A for NewYork:Wiley. 40 M.di.rlEconomics (1991). Company. (45th Physicians Reference. ed.), Desk Author. 41Comings, D.E. Tourette Syndrome Human and Behavior. 42Clrrk, B. S. V. PharmacologicalBasis of Nursing Practice. Queener, & Burke,Karb, (1990). St.Louis:C.V. Mosby Company.

43 Ing.rsoll, YourHyperactive B. Child. 44 !f.nd.,, P.H.,& Reimherr, F.W.(1990). Bupropion treatmenr attnention.deficit of hyperactivity disorder in adults. AmericanJoumalPsvchiatrv, (8),1018.1020. of 147 45 S9l*i, P,M., Klein,M.H.,Greist, Sonell, & Erdman, (1991). S.P. H.P. Computer.administered therapy J.H., fordepression, Computing,(2),98.102. M.D. 8 46Ayr.r, A.J. (1981). Sensory Integration theChild.LosAngeles, and Califomia:Westem Psychological Services. 47Liul., P.(1990, October 12.14).Mind game the90's. for USA !ileekend, p.16. 48\ilillirrnr, G. (1990, Experiencing etemity. pp. Longevity, 52.58. June). 49 Cousins, Head N. First. The Biology Hope. of 50Addu.i,L. (1991, September Mv childcouldn't attention. 3). pay p. womens Day. 102, 106. 51Rroo,D,J.(19?9). Allergies theHyperactive and child. NewYork:Simon schuster. &



52F.ingold, YourChild's B. Behavior Chemistry. 53 D..k.r, P.F. (1985). : NewYork:Harper Row. & Innovation Entrepeneurship: and Practice Principles. and 54 Kolb.,K. (1990). Conative \ilho YouAre andHowYou The Connection: the Uncovering Link Between \fesley. Perform. York:Addison New 55Noel/Levitz (1989, presentation Thomas for at October). Visualof skills thenineties, Conference. 1ob MoreCollege. 56Nrirbitt, (1984). (Znded.). Books. Megatrends. York:Wamer New J. 57 Nrirbitt, & Aburdene, (1990). for New P. Megatrends TenNewDirections the 1990's. York Monow. 2000: J. 58Nrirbitt,j. & Aburdene, Megatrends TenNewDirections the 1990's. for P. 2000:



AppsNorx A

Susgested Reading List

Bain, L. (1991). A Parents Guide to AttentionDeficit Disorders. New York: Dell. Comings, D.E. ( 1990). Towette Syndrome Human Behnuior. and Califomia: Hope Press. Cowart,V.S.(1988)."The ritalin controversy: what'smadethis drug's opponents hyperactivel" Joumal of the American Medical Associat ton, 259,257.I.7523. Dardig,J.C. and Heward,\7.L. (1981). Stg,n Here: AConwacangBook anl"Their Paren*. Bridgewarer, New Jersey: Fournies& F, for Children Associates. Gauthier,M. (1984). "Stimulant medicationsin adultswith attention deficit disorder". CanadianJournalof Psychiatry, 439 (79), 435.440. Golin, M., Bricklin, M., Diamond, D. and the RodaleCenter for ExecutiveDevelopment.(I99I). Secrets Executive of Success. Emmaus, Pennsylvania: RodalePress. Goldstein, S. and Goldstein, M. ( 1990). ManagingAttentionDisorders in Children.New York: John Wiley and Sons. Ingersoll,B. ( 1988). Yow Hyperactiqre Chill,: A Parent's Guide to Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder.New York: Doubleday. L"pp, D. ( 1987). Don't Forget:Easy Exercises a BetterMemoryat for


Succesrr,o RsaDINc Ltsr

Att) Agr. New York: McGraw-Hill. der V elopmental ariationand LearningDisor s. Levine, M. D. ( 1987) . D eqt PublishingService,Inc. Educators Massachusetts: Cambridge, Cambridge, AheaA School. in Levine, M.D. ( 1990). Keeping PublishingService,Inc. Educators Massachusetts: Liden,C.B., Zalenski, J.R.and Freytag,L.(1992).Attention deficit of a Towardestablishing standard carefor adults.Transacnon disorder: 7566 Health CareSystems, Senes(No.2). Tlansact Monograph , Monroeville,PA 15146. Haymakeq Book New York: LorayneH. and Lucas, (1974).TheMemory J. DorsetPress. on effects sympL. Marres, J.A. and Boswell, (1984)."Methylphenidate 41,105-106. tomsof ADD in adults". Achivesof GeneralPsychiatry, California:CelestialArts. Satir,V. (I97 6) . MakingC ontnct.Berkeley, and CoILege Potential: B. Scheiber, and Thlpers, 198i ) . Unlocking J.( PeopLe-A Stepby StepGuide. Other Choices LearningDisabl.ed for Maryland:Adler and Adler. : Silver, L. B. (1991) . Attention-DeficitHyperactiuityDisorder A Clinica| Washington,DC: American andTreatment. Guideto Diagnosis Inc. Press, Psychiatric New York: William Don't (Jnderstand. Thnnen,D. ( 1990).YouJust Morrow and Company. New York:Bantum. Turecki,S. (1985).TheDfficultChild". 'Weiss, Grown Children G. and Hechtman,L.T. ( 1986). Hyperactiqte New York: Oxford University Press Up. 'Weiss, in L. (1992). AnentionDeficirDisorder Adu\ts:PracticalHelp for Taylor Publishing. Dallas,Texas: Spouses. andTheir Sufferers


SuccgsrEn Rp,qDrNG Lrsr

\fender, P.H.,& Reimherr,F,\7.(1990). "Bupropiontreatmentof attention-deficithyperactivitydisorderin adults".American Journal of Psychiatry, (8), 1018147 1020. \Uender,P.H. ( 1987). The Hyperactiue Chill", Adolescent, Aduh: and AttentionDeficit DisorderThroughtheLifespan.New York: Oxford University Press. \Uinston,S. (1978) GettingOrganiTed. York:WarnerBooks. . New Wolkenberg, (1987,October 11)."Out of a darkness". E New York TimesMagazine, 62, 66, 70, 82.83. pp. Woods,D. (1986)."The diagnosis treatmentof attentiondeficit and disorder, residualtype". Psychiatric Annals, 16, 73-28. Yellin,A.M., Hopwood,J.H. and Greenberg, L.M. (1982)."Adults and adolescents with ADD: clinical and behavioralresponses to psychostimulants". 7, Journalof Clinical Psychophamacology, I33-


Zametkin,A.J. et al. (1990)."Cerebral glucose metabolism adults in with hyperactivityof childhood onset".The New EnglandJournalof Medicine.323 (20). 1361.1366.


AppeNorx B -

Resource List
ADDult Support Network M"ry JaneJohnson 2620lvy Place,Toledo,OH 43613 , This organizationis really a one-womanoperation, but M"ry Jane Johnsonhas done a superbjob of developinga nationwide network for ADD adults.Thenetwork publishesa quarterly newsletter(ADDult News), has a pen pal programand compilesinformational packetsfor ADD adults.Ms. Johnsonis alsocollecting data on adult ADDers through a questionnaireshehas designed. you are interestedin parIf ticipating in her research, write to Mary Janeand request questiona naire. She has also informed us that she is organizinga national ADD adult conferencescheduledsometime in 1993.The conferencewill most likely be held in the Midwest and will probablybe just the first of many to follow. Attention Deficit Resource Center LawrenceL. Melear,Ph.D., Directot 1344JohnsonFerryRoad, Suite 14, Marietta,GA 30068 1-800-537-3784(voicemail) The center is a non-profit clearinghouse information on Attention for Deficit Disorderwith a specialfocuson ADD in adults.It publishesa bimonthly newsletter, The ADDVISOR, that offersa wealth of practical information on coping with ADD as an adult. Books and cassette tapeson the topic of adult ADD are availablethrough the Center's resource services. There are alsoperiodic conferences, workshops,and home-studyprogramsfor ADD adults.Write for free information.


Rrsounce Lrsr Attention-Deficit Disorders Association (ADDA) PO. Box 972,Mentor,OH 44061 1-800-48i-2282 Children with Attention Deftcit Disorders (CHADD) 499 Northwest 70th Avenue,Suite 308 Plantation,FL 33317

(305) -3700 s87

Both theseorganizations serveasnational clearinghouses inforfor mation, supportand advocacyfor ADD individuals.CHADD has numeroussatellitesupportgroupsthroughout the country. Challenge, Inc. PO. Box 488,\7. Newbury MA 01985(508) 462-0495,

(800) 7.33.2377.

Inc. is a national,nonprofit,parent-based Challenge, organization primaryfocusis its bimonthly foundedin 1986.The organization's newsletter,Challenge, which wasthe first national newsletteron Attention Deficit Disorder, and which features articleson children as well asadults.Challenge, Inc. offersmembers many other benefits, prices. such asprescription medicationat wholesale Individual Membership- $25ly ear Professionals Membership-$4llyear (for professionals the field in who wish to be listed on Challenge's Professional ReferralList) DisabledUSA President's Committeeon Employment the Handicapped1111 of 20th Street N\7, 6th Floor,\il7ashington, 20036 DC This publication includesreportsabout the continuing progress disfor abledindividualsand new opportunitiesfor rehabilitationemployment. Learning Disabilities Association (LDA) (formerly the Association for Children and Adults with Learning Disabilities) PA 4156LibraryRoad,Pittsburgh, 15734(417) 341.1515 This international organizationof parentsof learning disabledchildren, adults with learningdisabilitiesand professionals approxi. has mately 800 state and local affiliateswhoseactivitiesinclude education, legislationand research. The Nen^usbnefs newsletteris published six times a year and includesinformation about new developments in the field. Freeinformationalpacketsand numerouspublications,


Rpsounce Lrsr programs,are also availablefrom including a list of post-secondary the LDA. National Netrvork of I-earning Disabled Adults (NNLDA) 808 \Uest82nd Street, F--2, Scottsdale, AR 85257 Formedin 1980,the NNLDA providesa supporrnetwork for leaming disabledadults,self-helpgroups,and national organizations. It also advocatesfor accommodationsfor the learning disabledadult in institutions and the work place.National activitiesinclude a newsletter and annual workshop. National Rehabilitation lnformation Center (NARIC) 8455 ColesvilleRoad, Suite 935 Silver Spring,MD, 709L0-33L9

(301) (800) s88-e284; 34-NARIC

For a nominal fee,this organization search database information its for can regardingthe rehabilitationor employmentof individualswith disabilities. Orton Dyslexia Society 8600 LaSalleRoad,ChesterBldg.,Suite 382 Baltimore,MD 2L704

(800) ABC.DI23

Numerousstateand local chapten of the intemational Orton Societyprovide educationand promoteresearch dyslexia. variety of materials,a in A newsletterand information aboutpost secondary educationoptioru are available. The Orton Societyalsoholdsnational and sate conferences. OSERS News in Print Office of SpecialEducation and Rehabilitative Services330 C Street, SW fOtS SwitzerBldg.,\Tashington,DC 20707 This newsletter conmins ongoing reports about federal activities related to individuals with disabiliries. STEP Systematic Tiaining For Effective Parenting STEP AGS Publishers' Building, Circle Pines,MN 55014 STEP groupsare offeredby variouscommunity organizations, local schools,community centers,churches,synagogues, adult education programsand mental health providers.For additional information, contact the national STEP coordinator.


Rr,souncr, Ltsr

Vocational and PostsecondarvSchool Organizations

Association of Independent Collegesand Schools One Dupont Circle, NW \Tashington, DC 20036 A free directory is availablethat includesa list of 630 accreditedprivate business in schoolsand colleges the United States. National Center for Research in Vocational Education 1960Kenny Road,Columbus, OH 43710(800) 848-4815; (614) 486-3655 Ohio in The center offersa variety of materialson technical education,career planning and employment preparation. National Association for Ti.ade and Technical Schools 7Z5Z'S7isconsin Avenue, N\7, \Tashington, DC 20007 This association distributesa handbookwith lists of accreditedtrade and technical schoolsthroughout the United States. National Association of Vocational Education Special Needs Per, sonnel (NAVESNP) Z0Z014th Street,Arlington,VA 72201(703)572-6IZL in This national organizationof professionals vocational education, focuses the educationalneedsof handicapped, disadvantaged, and on other specialneeds'individuals.

Learning Materials A.D.D.Warehouse

300 Northwest 70th Avenue,Suite 102,Plantation,FLA 33317

(800) 233-e273
This catalogoffersa variety of books and tapesavailablefor purchase. may be lessexpensive, this is an excellent Although other sources compilation of availablematerials. Recording for the Blind, Inc. (RFB) 20 Roszel Road,Princeton,NJ 08540 (800) ZZt-4492or (609) 457-0606in New Jersey


REsouncnLrsr recordings availableby mail. Approximately 60,000free-of-charge are year.All requests must be accompanied Gpes can be bonowed for one by an applicationform and detaileddiagnosticinformation regarding Eligibleindividualsinclude the individual'sneed for theserecordings. handicapped. thosewho are visually,physicalh and perceptually Talking Books Handicapped National Library Servicefor the Blind and Physically (NLS) 1791Taylor Street,N\7 \Tashington, The Library of Congress

(202) 882-5500 DC 70542

etc. literature,magazines, are availablefree Popularnovels,classical The collecof chargeto individualswith specificreadingdisabilities. tion is availablethrough local and regionallibraries.
Pleasenote that the tapcsavailnblefrom eachof thesesources must be playedon specialtape players that are available loan. for

Variable Speed Thp" Recorders Available at Radio Shack,other electronics'retail storesand mail order catalogs, thesetape recorderspermit changingplaybackspeed without lossof voice quality.

Newsletters for ADD Adults

ADDendum, PaulJaffe,editor c/o CPS, 5041-ABacklick Road,Annandale,VA 22003 editor ADDult NEWS, Mary JaneJohnson, OH 43613 Toledo, 76Z0IvyPlace, eachwith its own particularspeTheseare excellentnewsletters, while rhe ADDuh the cialry. ADDendumhtghlights latestresearch of experiences ADD adults. largelyon the personal NE\fS focuses recommend both thesequarterlynewsletters. We highly The ADDVISOR Seethe Attention Deftcit Resource Center in the sectionon organizations,for information on this newsletterthat includesvaluable information for ADD adults.


REsouRcr Lrsr

Computer Resourcesand Software

ABLEDATA National Rehabilitation Information Center The Catholic Universityof America, 4407Eighth Sreet, NE \Tashington, DC 20017 (202) 635-5822 This cenrerdistributes a detailedlist of commercialproductsfor useby individualswith a variety of handicaps.

Electronic Bulletin Boards

(Accessed Modemsand Personal via Computers) A variety of on-line supportgroupsare availablethrough several computerservices. example,America On-Line@ has a Disabili. For ties Forum that includesa folder relatedto ADD in adults.ProdigyO and CompuServe@ have ADD bulletin boards. also Look for files labeledAttention Deficits, LearningDisabilities, etc. You can nerwork with other ADDers across counrry through thesefiles. the

Macintosh Editing Software and Letter Tbmplates

ktterworks @ Round Lake Publishing American Handbook of BusinessLetters@ Nova DevelopmentCorporation Quickletter@ \Torking Software,Inc. Correct Grammar@ \Triting Tools'Group

Macintosh Organization Softrvare

First Things First@ Visionary Software


RpsouRcr, Ltsr

MiscellaneousMacintosh Software
Last Resort@ rWorking SoftwareInc. This is for impulsive ADDers who fail to back up their work or use surgeprotectors! This softwaremaintains a copy of every keystroke and enablesyou to recreatethe document you lost when you forgot to saveyour work or when the power went out. Mindset@ VisionarySoftware personal This is a wonderful positive self-talk product that displays here and now" and "l such as,"l acceptmyself Phrases affirmations. the trust the intelligencewithin me" flash across top of your screenat periodicintervals.

IBM Letter Tbmplates

K"y Cortespondence@ SoftKey

IBM Organization Software

About Time@ Inc. SoftSystems Messages@ SoftwareGrove Commence@ Inc. Jensen-James,


AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), IZ8-29, 138, 365, 367 acceptance: of diagnosis,I7l-23 lI3-14 of imperfections, access, fourth step of as memory 74-75, 780-82 , acquisition,as first step of memory,71 action: cognitive tempo and, 64-65 inaction balanceand, 62-64 reactiontime and, 66-67, 75 will and, 65-66 active working memory,72-73 ADD, seeAttention Deficit Disorder ADD Council of Greater 367 Cincinnati, 7, 1,53, additives,food, 74 345 adolescence, of decrease hyperactivityin, lL, 39 identity vs. confusionin, 39-42 "l don't care" attitude in, 38, 4l medicationand, 308 risky behaviorin, 41, 82-83 adoption studies,22 adrenalin(epinephrine),18 age and ADD, 30-45 in adolescents, 39-47. in adults,47-45 in elementaryschool children, 35-39 hyperactivityand, Il', 39 33-35 in preschoolers, in toddlers,30-33 aggression, 44 alcohol, 43 alcoholics, alcoholism,I75, 133, 316,318 AlcoholicsAnonymous(AA), IZ8-79, 138, 365, 367 Alducci, L., 378 regulationof, L9-20 alertness, allergies, 379 35, alteredcognitivetempo, 64*65 American Medical Association (AMA), 308 American Psychiatric Association(APA), 9, 10 Anafranil (Clomipramine), 345 thinking, 795 analogical Freudian, 350, 351, analysis, 356-57, 360 357 Analytic Psychotherapy,


INoEx -

anger, 116, 734-35 answering machines,258 antidepressants, 330, 54, 336_44 Bupropion (\Tellbutrin) , 344 MAO inhibitors,339-40 tricyclic,328, 336-38 seealsoProzac antipsychotics, 346-47 anxiety, memory and, 288-89 APA (American Psychiatric Association),9, 10 apologizing,L65 appointmentcalendars,269,

differencescausedby, 46-79 fantasyof future and, 4IL-I3 impact of growing up with,

initial discoveryol 106 labelsgiven to, 8-9 learningdisabilitiesand,


as maliciousbehavior, 74-?,5 prevalence 25-26 of, research 8-9 , 16-17, on,

rg-25,310-1 1

270-7 r

Assertiveness Training, 368-69 Associationfor Children with Learning Disabilities,302 associations, visualization combinedwith, 294-95 asthma,35 attention,8, 9, 246 advantage lack of, 384-85 of manifestations problems of with, 11-13 neurologicalcontrol center for, 327-78 one channel operational systemand, 48-49 selective, 62 seealsomemory Attention Deficit Disorder

as running in families, 206 substance abuseand, 316-17 symptoms 10-15, 46-79 of, with and without hyperactivity, 10, 73, 28 9Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder(ADHD), 9 audiologists, 34-35 auditory leaming, 286 auditory memory 283, Z9Z , auto-defense and attack mode.


axons,17-18 Ayres, A. Jean 369-70 , balance,124-46, 369, 37I importanceof, LZ4-25 maintenanceof, 145-46 "one rat study" and, l3Z, I34 personalscheduleand,




133 benefits 38I-404 of,

definition of, 8 diagnosis and treatmentof, 3, 8-11 , 106-23

problematicaspects I?.6 of, questions evaluatingissues for of, 130-31 safetynets and, 138-39 simplicity/complex ity equarionand, 140-42


INp* slicing and dicing techniques for, L43-45 betweenstructureand freedom 125-26 , value of examining issues involving, 127-28, 143 118 after diagnosis, bargaining, bartering,I44, l8Z bedwetting,336 BehavioralTherapy, 350, 351, 353-55, 359 Better, Cathy, IZ3 377-79 biofeedback, blame: 85-86 mechanism, as defense cycle of, see disapproval, and ages developmental theoryof,2L-73, 7.4,29 370-71, blood pressure, 331-32, 339, 340, 345 blood tests,108, 337, 346 L50-52, 155., body language, 165, 168, 169, 170, I7Z, breathing, deep, 288 budgets,143 bulimia, 341 bulldozers,103 bulletin boards,264 Bupropion (Wellbutrin) , 344 Bush,George,150 (Buspar),347 Buspirone caffeine,349 appointment,7.69, calendars, 270-71 Canada,345 programs, 376 cancerwellness do can't/shouldn't list, 137-38 (Tegretol),344 Caramazepine carbon paper, 757-58 careers, work see Catepres(Clonidine), 344-45 CAT scans,17 (CNS), centralnervoussystem 328, 34L, 371 ADD as disorder 8, of,

337 bone marrow suppression, boredom, 11, 43, 98, l4l boundaryneeds,7IZ-13 brain, 9, 126, 37I of, filtering mechanism 51 frontal lobesof, 18*19 imagingand, 16 of, two primary components 377 seealsoinformation processing; neurotransmitters 373-74 Brain Massage, brain scans,108 brainstem 377, 369 ,

46-47 rZ5,17.6 ,
early damageto, 73 messenger systemof' 17- 18 327 hemisphere, cerebral childbirth: complicationstn, 23 for, 377 natural techniques children, 345 and, 379 allergies hyperactivityand, 9, 27-28 lead poisoning and, 73 negativeself-perception by, 5-7 developed Ritalin'seffecton, 307-8 SensoryIntegration and, 371 undervaluingof, 177 society's


INor,x children (cont.\ spacingol 208-9 temperamentalstylesof, manners and, 157.-54 socialhazards 152-56 in, technologyand, 179-80 telephones and, 154-56 unspokenrules in, 164 verbal vs. nonverbal, 150-52 written, I82 seealsorelationships; speech Community Times, 123 complexity/simplicity equation,


Tourette Syndromeand,

tricyclic antidepressants and, seealsodevelopmentalages; family relatibnships "chip on the shoulder"attitude,

computers,406-7 Cognitive Psychotherapy and,

chiropractors,308 (Thorazine), chlorpromazine

choice, memory and, 289-90 chores, family, 737 chunking, 796 Cincinnati, University of,

communicationand, 148-49 leaming stylesand, 181-82 random access memory of,

usefulness 758-59 of, consultants, 190, 191 continuing educationclasses, 182 control, as defense mechanism,

Clinical Depression, 54 Clomipramine (Anafran iI), 345 Clonidine (Catepres), 344-45 closure, 44, 388 CNS, seecentral nervoussystem codependency, 85 coding, memoryand, 7I-7?.,

convergentretrieval, 75 coping strategies, defense see mechanisms Corgard (Nadolol), 347 counterculturetherapy, 309 Cousins,Norman, 309, 375 cravings,54-55 creativity, 44-45, 385-86 credit cards,43 Cylert (pemoline),330, 335-36 Dardig,Jill C. , 238 dating, 194-Z0I descriptions relationships of in, 194-99 survival tips for, 199-Z0I

Cognitive Psychotherapy,

352-53, 359
cognitivetempo, 64-65 collectiveunconscious, 357 Comic personalitysketch,

communication,407 art vs. scienceof, L49-52 computers and, 148-49 importanceof skills in, 148,



INogx -

deep breathing, 288 80-105, mechanisms, defense

1 3 03 5 1 ,
blame, seeblame charactersketch descriptions of, 97 -I03 "chip on the shoulder" attitude, 90-91 control, 95-97 denial, 93-94, 116-17 examplesof, 87-97 and, 357 Freudiananalysis function of, 80-81 94-95 learnedhelplessness, manipulation,88-90 overuseof, 81'-82 perfectionism,83-85 risky behavior,82-83 "take me or leave me" arritude, 97-93 "who cares"attitude, 86-88,

desktop frles, 764 details: aversionto, 50 globalthinking vs., 17'6 ages'30-45 developmental 39-42 adolescence, d, adulthoo 42-45 elementaryschool years,

infancy, 30 preschoolyears,33-35 toddler years,30-33 dextroamphetamine (Dexedrine),330, 334-35 106-10 diagnosis, of, acceptance LZL-7'3 bargainingafter, 118 after, 118-21 depression importance of, 104-5 as medicaldilemma,3, 8-1 1 medicaltestsin, 108-10 personalunderstandingof, 110 reactionsto, LI4-15 and, 107 self-education seealsotreatment Diagnosticand Statistical Manual (DSM), 9-10 diet: and food additivesand sugar'

withdrawal, 90 17-18 dendrites, denial: mechanism,93-94 as defense in grief process,116-17 I41,, 345, 347 depression, ADD comparedwith, 3,

and, Cognitive Psychotherapy

tyramine and, 339 Diet Therapy 379 , thinking, 795 differential 165 digressions, directionality, 60 disinhibition,63 53 dissatisfaction, divergentretrieval,75

1 after diagnosis, 18-21 euphoriavs., 126 quiet zones,2I4 designated (Norpramin), 336, desipramine

needsand, 54-56, LZ6, desires,





do adequately list, 136-37 Doc in a Box, 399 (L"pp), 279, 283 Don't Forget dopamine,18, 327 do well list, 133-36 down time, 213-14 Dreamachine,3T4 Drucker,PeterF., 393 drugs,seemedication;substance abuse dry drunks,318 dry mouth, 320, 337, 340 DSM (Diagnosticand Statistical Manual),9-10 dyes,food, 24 DynamicTherapy,358 ear infections, 34-35 eating: patternsof , 33 physiological slowdownafter,

empathy 33, 357-58 , employment,seework endorphins,18 Entrepreneur personalitysketch,

environmentaltoxins, 23 epinephrine(adrenalin),18 ergonomtcs, T56 Erikson,Eric, 30 euphoria,depression , 126 vs. "Everyday,Get out the Door" lists,7.73-74 facilitation, 62-63 failure: substance abuse and, 316 talking yourselfinto, 169-70 faith healing,308-9 family chores, 237, ?.38-41 family meetings,230-41 bargainingand negotiation in, 237-38 contractsand, 7.39-4I designof, 233-4L diffusingof anger in, 234-35 effectivebrainstormingand problem-solving in,

Edison,ThomasAlva, 301, 388 education,I82, 189-90 learningdisorders and, 307-3 Montessori,3Tl educational remediation,356,

Educationfor All Handicapped Children Act ( 197 , 302 5\ EEG Biofeedback, -79 377 elementaryschool years, industryvs. inferiority in,

235-36, 239-39
equal opportunity participationin, 733-34,

establishing rulesfor, 233,

emergencies, determination of,

expectations of perfection

emotional incontinence. L)l-Z emotionalliving space, TLZ emotions,extremeswingsof, 57

and,Z4l-43 familychores and, 237,

generalprinciplesand rulesof conduct{or,237


INor,x goalsand objectivesof,

professional counselingand,

sharedauthority in, 779-30,

family relationships, tZ5, 44,

food dyesand additives,24 Ford, Henry, 170 forgiveness, yourself,78 of "found" ttme, 776 freedom,structurevs., L25-26 Freudianpsychoanalysis, 350,

ADD in, 206 descriptions 201-8, of, 209-t7,218-20 years, in elementary school 38
emotional temperature and,

rz7 z0L-43 ,

351, 356-57360 ,
friendships, relationships see frontal lobes,18-19 functional dysfunctionals,44 Future Shock(Tof{ler), 74 genericdrugs, 333-34 genericletters, 182 Gestalt Therapy 309, 359 , ( G ettingOrganiTedWinston),

716-17 equationsof, 203, 205 eveningsout and, 225-78 financesand, 209 mealtimes and, 220-?.5 principlesof governmentand,

249, Z5Z
global thinking, detailsvs., 126 Gone with the Wind, 80-82, 94 govemment, family, seefamily meetings grief process, 94, ll4-I7 group (paired) association, 295 360-71 Group Psychotherapy, Assertiveness Training, 368-69 Family,2L2, ?.3I,362-63 Psychoeducation, 363-65 Self-help 354, 365-68 , SensoryIntegration, 369-7 I Social Skills Training, 363 haloperidol(Haldol), 346 handwriting, 64 hard to get, playing, I99 Head Firsc, The Biolog1of Hope (Cousins\ 375 , hearing loss, 34-35 help, askingfor, L44

privacyand, 210- 11 levelsand, 230 stress survival tips for, 708-9,


Family Therapy, Z3l, 717, 362-63

fax machines,180 FDA (Food and Drug Administration) 3L6, 345 , feedback 166-67 , bio-, 377-79 Feingold,Benjamin,74 FeingoldDiet, 379 filing systems, 26I-62 finances,140, I43,209 food, tyramine in, 339 Food and Drug Administration

(FDA) 3t6, 345 ,


INos,x -

heredity,parentingvs., 20-7,1,


Heward,William L., 238 hidden agendas,176 high blood pressure, 320-ZL,

331-32, 339,345 humor, 399-401 97,

hyperactivity, 126, 379 8, ADD and, 9-10, 23, ZB adolescence decrease and in,

as asset deficit, 15, 44, vs. 386-87 in boysvs. girls, 27-ZB fluctuatinglevelsof, 56-58 as rangeof behaviors,L4 sedatives and, 308 hypertension,320-21, 331-32,

therapyand, 3I?.-I3 triggering , 53 of inaction, seeaction inattention, seeattention index cards,275-76 infancy, trust vs. mistrustin, 30 inferiority,sense , 5-7, 35-39 of information explosion,24 information processing, 3 cognitive tempo and, 64-65 input/output problemsand,

6r-7 |
learningdisabilities and, 60 inhibition, 67-63 Innoqt ation and Entrepr eneurship ( Drucker) , 393 in/out baskets, 264 input/outputproblems, 61- 71 action/inactionbalanceand,

hypotension, 340 IDP Dynamic, 53 I-messages, 1,71-77., 368 235, (Tofranil) 336 Imipramine , (working)memory, immediate

brain shut down and, 69-7 | cognitive tempo and, 64-65 description 6l-62 of, mental fatigueand, 67*69 output learningdisabilities,

immunesystem, 309, 375, 376 impulsiveness, 77, 89, 166, 8,

reactiontime and, 66-67 will and, 65-66 input/perceptual learning disabilities, 300 instant recall, 72, Z8l insurance, 11, 308, 333, 334 1 integrationlearningdisabilities,

t 7 5 ,3 2 7 benefits, 44,387-88 of
childhood accidentsand,

datingand, 194-95,196,200 definitionand description of, r3-t4, 67.-64 medication and,325 Prozac and, 370, 340 shopping and, 43, 56, I43 speech and,62-64, 166,187

300 intensity ,, , 52-53,I7Z, L96-97 200

intention, selective, 62 intercom Zl5 s, interfacing, I47


intimacy, fear of, 196 Inventor personalitysketch,

irritability, 53 (Marplan), 339 Isocarboxazid job skills, 406 Johnson,Samuel,278 JungianTherapy, 357 "Keep it simple,"138, l4l, 762 kinestheticmemory,283,

liver, 336 Living More With Less (Longacre),140 locking in and blocking out,

logic, 167 Doris Janzen,140 Longacre, long term memory, 73-74 340 low blood pressure, magazines newspapers, and

imaging, 16 magneticresonance mail order catalogs,260 disorders, 345 manic-depressive manipulation, as defense 88-90 mechanism, manners I5Z-54 , MAO (monoamineoxidase) inhibitors,339-40 Marplan (lsocarboxazid)339 , marriage,44 Therapy 372-73 Massage , ((w e"
ttme rtt and, 200

kinesthetic/tactilelearning, 286, 787 kleptomania,340-41 Lamaze technique,377 language and speechtherapy,

355-56, 360 L"pp,Danielle , 279,Z8l, 7.83

g, lead poisonin 23 learnedhelplessness, 94-95 learning, tips {or, 297-98 (LD) , 246, learningdisabilities

278,299-303, 388 356,

definition and rypesof, 300 educationand, 302-3 incidence of, 299-300 spatialdifficultiesand, 60 learningstyles, 76, 181-82,

270*25 mealtimes, of, descriptions ZZ0-73 survivaltips for, 723-25 110, 313-49 medication, authors'disclaimerabout,

authors'personalexperiences with, 320-?.3 and, 118 bargaining levelsand, 377-73, dosage

auditory, 286 ic, tactile/kinesthet 786 visual, 785, ?.86-87 letter openers, 257 letters, generic, I87 Levine,M., 67. Lithium, 345-46

drug trials and, 325-77 of effectiveness , 377-79 genericvs. trade name forms of, 333-34


INngx --

medication (conr. ) miscellaneous, 344-49 reboundeffect and, 330*3 1,


3r4-r5, 343

substance abuseand, 315-17 taking of, 3I3-I4 at workplace,185-86 your role in useof, 318-20,

seealsoantidepressants; stimulants; specrf drugs c (Naisbitr.), 407 Megatrend.s Megawends 2000 (Naisbitt and Aburdene), 407-8, 409 Mellaril (thioridazine) 346 , memory, 60-6I,71,-76, 183, 9,

paperpile management and, 765-66 registration and, 7I-72 relaxation techniques and, 288 Ritalin and, 322 rote, 72, 74, Z9l storage and, 77.-74, 280-82 techniquesfor, 287-97 transferand, 75 visual,7.83, Z9I-97., 294 memory leaming disabilities,

men: control and, 95-97 language women vs., 150 of leamed helplessness and, 95, 96 mental fatigue, 67 -69 mental health professionals: referralsfor, L07 two main categories 304 of, typesof, 108 seealsopsychotherapy message centers,215-L6 methylphenidate see Ritalin, , genericvs. trade name forms of middle ear infections, 34-35 middle finger sign, 150 Minnesota,Universityof, 22 mnemonic devices,295-97 monoamineoxidase(MAO) inhibitors,339-40 Montessori education,371 moral inventory, 130, 138, I47 motivation: job performance and, 69, 98 memory and, 76

246,Z7g-303 access 74-75, 280-8?. and,

acquisition and, 71 anxietyand, 288-89 associations , 294-95 and auditory 283, Z9Z , choice and, 289-90 comprehensionand, 291 context and, 79I function and process of,

information input and,


kinesthetic, 283, 292-93 lapses 280 in, leaming and, 284-87 mnemonic devicesand,

multi-sensory, 293 observationand, 290-91 overall, 283


INpex -

motor coordination, 33-34,

37 5 4-7 mouth, dryness 320,337 in, , 340

movies,family trips to, 725-78 multi-sensory memory, 293 musclerelaxation,288, 375 "must-do's"and "should-do's, "

"no," inabiliryto express, 84 noise,183-84 nonverbal communication, 150-52,r55, 165,169,

169, 170, Zrl 172,

"No pain, No gain," 167 noradrenaline(norepinephrine),

"My Child Couldn't Pay Attention" (Alducci), 378 Nadolol (Corgard), 347 Naisbitt, John, 407 408, 409 , Nardil (Phenelzine), 339 National Institutesof Health,

327, 3Zg, 337, 339, 341

Norpramin (desipramine) 336, ,


nuclear magnetic resonance

nurture,naturevs., 20-2I,77. observation,memory and,

natural childbirth techniques,

obsessive-compuls disorders, ive

nature,nurture vs., 20-ZL, 22 needs,desires and, 54-56, 126,


Oedipal stage,350 office equipment, 182-83 Office for the Study of Unconventional Medical Practices, 309 Office of Education, U.S. , 299 "on the run" conversations, 215 organization, 244-77 3, beginning tips for, 246-50 cardinalrulesfor, 26I-67 filing systems and, 26I-62 generalmessmanagement,

neurologists, 108 neurology, 17-18 neuroses, 350 neurotransmitters, 18 drug response and, L6-I7,

functionof, 18, 327-28 seealsospecific

newrotTdnsmitters newspapers magazines, and

325,337, 341

Neu.,sqre 309 ek, New York Longitudinal Study,

generaloffice management,

nicotine, 347-49 NMR (nuclearmagnetic resonance), 16

paperpile management,

259-61, 262,263-69
practical messmanagement tools, 256-59


INoEx -

(cont.) organization questionnaireon, 244-45 Ritalin and, 370, 327, 329 simplicity and, 262 spatialdifficultiesand, 60-61 time management and,

Parent handling the Disorder

(Ph.D. 321 ),

parenting, heredity vs., Z0-ZI,


Orton DyslexiaSociety, 302 otitis media, 34-35 output leaming disabilities,300 seealsoinput/output problems outsidehelp, hiring of, 144 overall memory, 283 overpersistence, 49-50, 59 paired (group) association, 295 paperpile management,

parents,40 blame theory and, ZI-23, 29 family meetingsrole of , 279,


feelingsof inadequacy and,

individual strengthsand weaknesses 206-8 of, seealsofamily relationships Pamate (Tranylcypromine),339 party animals,100-101 passing normal, 103-4 for (Physicians PDR Desk Reference), 330 peer pressure, 40 pemoline(Cylert), 330, 335-

bulletin boardsand, 764 cardinal rules for, 76I-62 categorizationof, 260-61 color-codingand, 266-67 cuesand promptsand, 265-66 desktop files and, 764 filing systems for, 261-62 in/out basketsand, 264 ongoing to do lists and, 267-68 personalyellow pages and,

336 Penicillin, 343

perceptuauinput leaming disabilities, 300 perfectionism, 83-85 personalyellow pages,264-65 pessimism, 53 Peter Pan Syndrome,97 -99 pets,52, 27.3 Ph.D. (Parenthandling the Disorder), 321 (Nardil), 339 Phenelzine phobia, definition of, 154-55 physicians, 108, II0, 324 PhysiciansDesk Reference

planning notebooksand, 260, 266, 776 Post-ltNotes and, 267, 776 schedulingand location of handling of , 267 simplicity and, 262 storageand access 763-64 of, to do's of , 263-68

planning notebooks, 260, 766,

playing hard to get, L99


INoex -

Plumberpersonalitysketch, 398-99 postage scales and stamps,

256_57 Post-lt Nores, 267,2T6

Post-Traumatic StressDisorder,


powerlessness, LZ9, 130 pregnancy,complicationsin, 23 preschoolyears,initiative vs. guilt in, 33-35 primary sleepdisorder 20, 336 , Prince Charming, I98, ZOI privacy, Zl}-Ll procrasrinarion, 1, IZ-13, 51, 1

Dynamic, 358 Freudian, 350, 35L,356-57, 360 Gestalt,309,359 group,360-7I 357 Jungian, Psychodrama, 359 Psychodynamic, 357 356, Reality, 358 Self.Psychology, -55 357 stigma attached 304-6 to, Sullivanian, 7 35 Transactional Analysis358-59 , quiet zones, 2I4 randomaccess (RAM), memory 72-73 R"pp, Doris,379 reaction time, 66-67, 75 reading skills, 165 RealityTherapy, 358 rebound effecr, 330-3L, 335
recovery: acceptanceand, lzl-7.3 balanceand, 124-46 definition of, llz depression and, LL8-ZI goal of, 130 grief process ll4-I7 in, hitting rock bottom and, LZ5 moral inventory and, 130 self-evaluarion and, 133-38 "should-do's"and "mustdo's, 139-43 " social benefitsof, I77 twelve-step programs and,


Professional Dilettanre personalitysketch, 402-4 progressive musclerelaxation,

proprioceptivesense,369 Prozac(fluoxetine hydrochloride) 324, ,


benefitsof, 320, 340-4I controversyover, 342-43 dosage levels of, 34I side effectsof, 341, 342-43 psychiatrists, 108 Psychodrama, 359 Psychqdynamic Psychotherapy,

Psychoeducation, 363-65 psychologists, 108, 109 psychotherapy, lI4-15 Analytic, 357 Behavioral, 350, 35I,

353-55, 359 Cognitive, 352-53, 359


see also fteatment


INopx -

registration,memory and,

71-72 memory and, 7l-72 rehearsal, -ZI7 relationships, 147 43, dating, 194-Z0L of, descriptions 157-62, -77, 175-77, 1,94-99, 167 201-8, 209-12 feedback and, 166-67 -67 in groups,L57 impaired socialskillsand, 76-78 t67--73 orre-orr-orrer tipsfor, L6Z-67, survival -87, 199-201, 170-73,177

Ritalin,58,64, 93, ll7, 118, 329-34,337 343, 3?.4, , 381 of benefits , 370-22, 329 childrenand, 307-8 315 substance, ascontrolled levels , 327,326,329 of dosage of, durationof effects 329-30 generic tradenameforms vs. of, 333-34 of, sideeffects 370-21', 330-32 rotememorization, 74, 79I 77, rules: of, followingand questioning

t7 at workplace, 4-93 also communication; see speech familyrelationships; 7.88, 375 techniques, relaxation 374 Relaxman, religion,I45 l8Z writing classes, remedial lists,273 reminder problems, 35 respiratory zones, relaxation restand

-78 r77

unwritten, 164, 178-79 "runner'shigh," 18 personalitysketch, Salesperson

-98 397


postage, 257 scales, weekly, L3Z-33 schedules, Scheiber,Barbara,785 3-4 schizophrenia, "school" lists, 274 Scientistpersonalitysketch,

reticular activating system, retrieval, of memory, 7 4-7 5 stamps,257 retum address "revolutionarybad ejectot," 142 risky behavior: in adolescence, 82-83 4I, in adulthood, 58 benefitsof, 44 childhood accidentsand,

308 sedatives, 374 disorders, seizure attention and selective intention, 67 190-91 self-employment, self-esteem: of and acceptance imperfections,lI3-14 of boosting , 7, 111 low, 5-7 , 35-39, 4?. and, 130, 382 recovery

58 3l-3?.,
mechanism,82-83 as defense


INoex -

self-evaluation, 133-38 can't/shouldn'tdo list,

do adequately 136-37 list, do well list, 133-36 self-help books,244-45 self-help programs, 365-68 354, self-medication, 316-17,318 Self-Psychology, -58 357 (SI), Sensory Integration

369-7 r
SerenityPrayer,LZ9 serotonin,327, 337, 339, 34I sex, t,82,84, 101 4 sexualabuse, 373 shopping,impulsivityand, 43,


socialskills, 38, 44 impairment 37, 42, 76-78 in, Social Skills Training, 363 socioeconomic status,44 sorting and filing, 60 space,sense 60-61 of, space cadets,99-100 speech: developmental lagsin, 34-35 digressions and, 165 hyperactive,I4-I5 impulsivityand, 62-64, L66, 187 reaction time and, 66-67, 75 rhythm and, 150 timing of, 165 verbal incontinenceand,

Short AttentionSpanThearcr, The, 11 short term memory, 73, 37.7 "should-do's" and "must-do's,"

seealsocommunication; relationships speechand language therapy,

SI (Sensory Integration),

355-56, 360
sports: action/inactionbalanceand,

369-7 r
siestas,5T Sign Here: A ContractingBook for Children and Their (Dardig and Parents Heward), 238 simplicity/complexity equation,

spatialdifficultiesand, 60 postage, stamps, 757 stamps,retum address, 257 standards, lowering of, 145 staples, 257 S.T.A.R. (Stop, Think, Act, and Reflect), I87 , 319 stenopads,275-76 STEP programs,741 Still, G. F., 8 stimulants, 3-4, 316, 328,


single-mindedness, 11 skin patches,345 sleepdisorder, primary, 20, 336 sleeping pattems 33, I42 , Smith, Lendon, 24 -49, 354 smoking 347 , socialactivities, selectionof,

as preventative measure,





stimulation, over- vs. under-, 1 2 6 ,1 . 4 1 Stop, Think, Act, and Reflect

( s . T . A . R . ) ,8 7 , 3 1 9 1
memoryand, 72-74' storage,

stress,139 of, assessment 230 disorderand, 746-47 indicatorsof, 1.32,134 work-related,183 structure,freedomvs., 175-26 Stuff Inventory,250-5I abuse,41, 43, 44, 55, substance 8 7 , 1 0 1 ,3 3 6 of medications,315-17 success, 404-6 sugar,24, 379 Sullivan, Harry Stack, 357 supportgroups,63, 106-7'

Talpers,Jeanne,285 ia, Tardive dyskines 346-47 T-cells, 3 75 teacherplan books, 272 teachers 79, 40 , ADD recognitionand, 38-39 negativefeelingsinstilled bY,

5-6, 34,35,59
Tegretol (Caramazepine)344 , 154-56, ZZ8 telephones, callbackschedulefor, 276 communicationproblemson'

mannersand, I53 es mealtim and, 773 survival tips for useof, 156 at workplace,184-85 television, 797-98 styles,of temperamental children 22.-23 , templates,I8Z work, l9l-9/ temporary TerribleZ's, 31, 33, 34 Testy, TelephoneTyrant Syndrome(TTTS), 154, 156 " "therapeuticwindow effect,

133 34
group communication in,

referralsfrom, professional

symptommanagement,186 Training for Systematic EffectiveParenting(STEP) T4I programs, theory of, 61 systems, TA (TransactionalAnalYsis), 358-59 52 tactile defensiveness, learning, tactile/kinesthetic

338 350-80 304-23, therapy,

306-10, 37l-79 alternative, your own case and being manager 3lI-17. , remediation,357, educational

and, 3lZ-13 impulsivity and speech, language

369 tactile sense, "take me or leave me" attitude,

seealsomedication; psychotherapy

92-93 442

INnrx -

thinking, analogical vs. differential, 295 Thioridazine(Mellaril), 346 Thorazine (chlorpromazine),

toxins, environmental,23 Transactional Analysis(TA),

Transcendental Meditation

Three (or Four) Big Boxes,751,

(TM), 377
transfer,memory and, 75 Tranylcypromine(Parnate), 339 trash cans,252 rreatment, lI0-23 bargaining and, 118 costof, 111 personal role in, 110-11 seealsomedication;recovery tricyclic antidepressanrs, 328,

time: daily logs and sheets and,

270, z7z-73
elasticsense 58-60, 131, of,


"Everyday, out the Door" Get listsand,?.73-74 "found, 276 " management 269-77 of,
management tools for,

triggers, 355 TS (Tourette Syndrome),

procrastination and, 11,

332-33, 346
TTTS (Testy, Telephone Tyrant Syndrome),I54,

17.-13, 276-77 51,

reminder lists and, 773 "school"listsand, 274 steno padsand index cards and, 275-76 waterproofalarm watches and, 775 weekly schedules and,


twelve-step groups, 55, 128-30,

1 3 93 6 5 3 6 7 , ,
twins, studieson, 22 tyramine 339 , underarousal, 57 -58 20, UndifferentiatedADD, 9 U nlockingP otential(Scheiber and Talpers),285 verbalincontinence,L02-3 vestibular sense, 369 Virtual Reality,37 4-7 5 visualization techniques, 288,

TM (Transcendental Meditation),377 toddler years,autonomyvs. shameand doubt in, 30-33 "To Do" lists, 59, 147, 767-68 Toffler, Alan, 74 Tofranil (lmipramine),336 toilet training, 33 touch, sensitivityto, 57 Tourette Syndrome(TS),

visual learning 285, 286-87, ,

332-33, 346

37 -7 s 6




vocationalplanning, 189-90 "V" sign, 150 wanderingmind syndrome,47 watches,waterproof and alarm,

noise, doors, and telephones ?t, 183-85 office equipmentand, 182-83 office managementand,

77s t t ((mg

754-56 and,I77-79 rules

190-91 self-employment, selling your ideasat, 178 and, socialrelationships

and, 200

I3Z-33 weeklyschedules, weight loss,354, 355 Wellbutrin (Bupropion) 344 , "Wlwt DrivesMe the Craziest" list, 250 white blood cells, 332 "who cares"attitude, 86-88, 90 will, paralysisof, 65-66 249, Z5Z Winston, Stephante, withdrawal, as defense mechanism,90 Day, 378 Woman's women: control and, 96 of language men vs., 150 and, leamedhelplessness

17 4-93
and, 183 stress technology and communicationat, 179-

temporary, I9l-92 written communicationat,

11, workaholism, IZ, L26 273,777-28 "workdetails," (immediate) memory, working 781, sketch, Writer personality 390-93 I8Z, written communication, 301 16 X-rays, personal764-65 yellowpages, , 372 Yoga, l7I-72, 234, you-messages, 735,368

94-95 work, 175

of, choiceand change 144, 187-90 and, 181-82 computers in, difficulties 43, 44,49 innercircleat, L79 job skillsand, 406 and, 185-86 medication


About Authors the

Kate Kelly prepared Ms. Kelly is a master's clinical specialist psychiatricnursing. in Her professional backgroundincludesexperience as a therapist, as professor clinical coordinatorfor psychobiological assistant and research. Her graduate educationfocused chronic mental illnessand this on orientation eventuallyled her to an interestin the mental health selfhelp movement.She becamea championfor individualswith severe mental illnesses, suchasschizophrenia, believingthat even thosewith severe impairmentscould leam to managetheir own illnesses. Ms. Kelly'sprior publishing creditsinclude an article entitled Fostenng publishedin the Archives of Psychiatric SeIf-HeIp anlnpanentLJnit, on Nursing.This article chronicledthe resultsof her work in developing a model for an inpatient groupthat helpedchronicallymentally ill patientslearn and shareeffectivecoping strategies. Followingher diagnosis with ADHD in 1989,Ms. Kelly'swork moved in a new direction. Combining her personal and professional interests in adult ADD, shebeganto focuson this emerging areaof mental health. Responding the need to provide services ADD adults, to for she founded the adult supportgroup of the Attention Deficit Disorder Council of GreaterCincinnati in February 1990.Although sheno of longerfacilitatesthis group,shecontinuesto consultwith the Council on adult ADD and supportgroup issues. The information Ms. Kelly gathered from availableliteratureand the personal storiesof ADD adultsin Cincinnati and nationwide leadto her work in writin g I'm I.'J Inzy , Stupid CraTyJ Currently she is ot or ? usingher personaland professional experiences knowledgeto give and presentations adult ADD for lay and professional on groups. She also works in private practiceleadingpsychoeducational therapygroups for ADD adults.

Peggy Ramundo as Recognized an outstandingteacher,Ms. Ramundo compietedpostand Montessori graduatework in leaming disabilities,behavior disorders children most of with culturally disadvantaged education.\Torking her career,shebecamean advocatefor the right of everychild to leam. and implementeda non-gradedprimary curriculum, taught She designed summerenrichment readingprogramsand servedasa demonstration teacher.A committed and innovative parent, Ms. Ramundohas served aspresidentof the boardsof the Clifton Child Study ParentGroup and 'West Montessori.\fhen the parent corporation closed Center Rooms a the \fest site, she spear-headed movement to createa new school. Under her direction, the new non-proflt Clifton MontessoriCenter wasformed to continue the tradition of providing tuition-free scholarshipsto many children from low-income families. in ADD diagnosis 1987,Ms. Ramundobeganextensively After her son's as Drawing on her experience a dedicated researching disorder. the teacherand parent, she co-foundedthe Attention Deficit Disorder Council of GreaterCincinnati and continuesto serveasa boardmember. as Ms. Ramundo works professionally an educationalconsultant.In 1990,she foundedNIADD, The National Institute for Attention Deficit Disorder.As Executive Director, she conductsworkshopsand throughout the country for parents,educators in-servicetraining sessions and and mental health professionals, lecturesextensivelyon ADD. in she diagnosis, beganto focuson ADD issues After Ms. Ramundo's and adults.Currently, she is helping collegestudentsand adolescents their leaming at the post. manage youngadultsaccess availableservices, about courseselectionand careers. level, and make decisions secondary has or YouMeanl'm Not Laz), Stupid CraTyJ? evolvedfrom Ms. and the personaland professional experiences Ramundo'sresearch, of experiences the countlessnumbersof ADD children, adolescents and adultswith whom shehas worked. Her other publishing credits include handbooksfor parentsand teachersentitled, Tipt, Toolsand and Teclmiques Mutaging AttennonDeficit Disorderand Understanding far Deficit Disorderin the Clnssroom. ManagingAu,ennon