I Hitch-hiked to Heaven by Ed Jordan

I Hitch-hiked to Heaven by Ed Jordan

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British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library First published in 2007 by Barratt Ministries Publications 114 Daisy Bank Road Victoria Park, Manchester Second Revised Publication 2009 by Author

CONTENTS
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. I Hitch-hiked to Heaven! ...... Escape To Canada ............... 5 9

First Taste of Drugs ............. 12 Finding Paradise For Real .... 18 Salvation ............................. Schizophrenia ..................... Return to England .............. Murder in the Heart ........... Meeting Ilda ....................... Teen Challenge in Portugal .. Criminal to Crime Analyst .. 22 25 30 34 36 41 45

I Hitch-hiked To Heaven
by Ed Jordan

Chapter 1
Valentine Jordan must have looked dark and handsome in his army uniform Mum always liked a goodlooker! He was only around 5 feet tall but that enabled him to escape through the porthole of a sinking ship during the war.as the story was told me. The year was 1941. Whether it was my dads love of Guinness or my mums beautiful eyes that did the trick I dont know, but I came into this world in May 1942 in the front upstairs bedroom of Park House, The Green, Stainforth, North Yorkshire. Dad had done the honourable thing and married mum before I was born, but left soon afterwards and travelled to Greece. He never did come back to us. Mum left me in the care of grandad and grandma whilst she worked as a live-in maid. It was around that time I experienced the first of many traumas in my life. It was my first tangible memory I was barely two years old..The room was completely dark - there was no electricity in the house at that time. I felt the bed clothes drawn back and someones head on my little body. I was awakened with an overwhelming feeling of sensual pain. My first brush with death was during a picnic at the riverside. My mum was distracted as I slipped on some green slime and went under the water. I remember holding my breath for as long as I could but finally gave up and breathed in the water with a strange feeling of relief! The coldness of it in my lungs sent chills to my head and gave me flashing images in my mind. Suddenly mum ran down the steep banking in her high heel shoes and snatched me out of the water.

At the age of seven I began to live with mum and my half-brother and had some sort of normality for a year, however it was not to last. Mum brought a man into our house who was shortly to become my stepfather. Hed just been demobbed from the Army, having been stationed in Palestine. His hands were big, thick and calloused like JCB shovels. My brother and I soon started to feel these hands cracking us hard round the back of our heads for the slightest thing. He would sadistically scrub us army style with cold water and a loofah and regularly dose us with Epsom salts that gave us stomach cramps. I protested to mum about his violent behaviour but she just covered up for him and said we must have deserved it I therefore suppressed the suffering inside of me. My teacher was prone to exercising capital punishment on me and so I went from school to home between two, what I felt, unjust situations. Whilst at school I suffered an indecent experience in the locker room by the sports teacher which may have been instrumental in putting me off most kinds of sport. I left school at fifteen with great relief, attended business school and became wages clerk at a Cotton Spinning factory and later moved to ICI Chemical Company. Life seemed bearable then as I had 2.25 a week (well 75p after paying mum 1.50 board) and was able to go to the cinema and escape reality, or so I thought. My stepfather came home one day in a foul mood and began to provoke me. I was eighteen at the time. Suddenly something snapped inside me big time and I grabbed hold of a table knife and warned him to keep away from me. He attacked and lashed out at me with blows from his hard calloused fists. I ran into the front room and escaped out of the bay window. I was too afraid to return home and made my way to a desolate barn, planning to stand on an upturned bale of straw with a rope around my neck. Before I could carry this out I lost my nerve and found refuge in the home of my Aunty until after nightfall. For the next three years I lived back at home with the door of my bedroom shut listening to my pocket transistor radio and mirror gazing to pass the time. I didnt know it then, in fact I thought it was purely my invention, but later discovered that mirror gazing (making ones face dissolve) is an occult practice.

I used to go out and see a nice old man who taught me the saxophone. I remember him playing it and handing it to me with the mouthpiece wet from his mouth and tongue. Not having the heart to wipe it dry in front of him, I put it in my mouth all wet. I guess I felt a little of a fathers love from him which I was missing so very much. In the end, he kindly gave me the saxophone. I didnt follow his lessons properly as I just wanted to play the riff in Poetry In Motion and the theme from a new programme just out called Coronation Street. Meanwhile, back at home I continued to inflict complete silence on my step-father, even though at times I must say he did try to speak to me.I knew I had to do something to escape my step-father and the sour atmosphere in the house and thought of going to Africa to help poor people. When I was nineteen I got the bright idea to go to California and knock on the door of a US Marine friend I had met in London and surprise him. I had to forge my step-fathers signature on the passport forms and sat at the letterbox each morning waiting for the mail. The trip to California was a sort of adventure come escape from my step-father but Mum compelled me to return to the UK kicking and screaming inside. I saw an advert recruiting immigrants to Canada and offering to pay the fare in advance. This was my escape! I arranged it all behind my parents back and when the day finally came to leave, I remember Mum coming into my bedroom on my last morning at home. Only then did I tell her I was leaving for Winnipeg that very day. She burst into tears I dealt her such a cruel blow, poor mum, she had no time to argue or convince me to stay as she had to hurry off to work.

Chapter 2 Escape To Canada

I flew into Winnipeg International Airport and checked into the YMCA. I had little money and lived on powdered milk, mixed so thick I was able to eat it like solid food. One Fine Day by The Chiffons was belting out of my portable radio and I felt like I was in heaven in my 7 x 8 room finally away from my stepfather. I got a night job working as a Telex Operator and eventually moved into a deluxe hi-rise apartment. Such freedom, or so I thought. I received a phone call from my mother saying she had booked a flight to come and visit me from England. I freaked out at the thought of my step-father coming too and promptly told her if he came too I would not open my door. She cried so much over the phone that I begrudgingly gave in. I remember having no furniture in my apartment except a bed and sofa even though I told mum a lie and said I had everything I could ever want. I panicked and asked my employer if I could have time off to furnish my place but they refused. In desperation I took time off anyway, secured a loan and managed to make my apartment look impressive. I went to Winnipeg International Airport to meet them and remember watching my step-father coming through the barrier and was surprised to see hed turned grey and looked much older. Somehow that made me feel sorry for him and I greeted him with a handshake and hid behind my newly acquired Canadian accent. Mum insisted I carry on with my job whilst they were there so next day I went to work as usual only to find my cards waiting for me for disobeying them and taking time off. I returned home and told my parents the

office had been very understanding and given me a holiday to spend with them! When they returned to England I had no job and was deep in debt. A Canadian family I got acquainted with were very kind and took me in. They were bootlegging strong liquor and had the house full of clientle after hours, but I was so naive I didnt know it was criminal activity. I dont know if there was a link but one night the son of the family showed me a book on witchcraft and put it under my bed. Early next morning the house was raided by the police and I was dragged out of bed with the family and carted off to the police station. The police made accusations and got me to sign a statement involving me by stealth. I spent a few days in a cell before being bailed out by an unknown person. I received a subpoena and ended up in court. I told the judge that the police officer had shown me my friends statement and coerced me to sign a guilty plea. The police man was sneering across at me as I stood in the dock. The judge asked him if I had been shown someone elses statement (which was illegal.) He replied, No, your Honour. I couldnt believe a police officer was telling a lie and I blurted out to the judge, He did show me Billys statement! The judge asked the second officer the same question and he answered, Well we might have done, your Honour. The judge then dismissed the case and I was free. Or so I thought. I began working as a Nursing Orderly in St Boniface Hospital. It was my favourite job ever, I loved caring for people and relating to them. Could I have found my niche in life? No, it was not to be. I would steal anaesthetic from the Operating Room supplies and give myself a general anaesthetic every day to get to sleep in the daytime when working nights. I moved to beautiful Vancouver shortly after that and thought Id found paradise lost, but life was spiralling down for me faster than I realised. The drowning spirit of death stalked me yet again and I had to be pulled from the bottom of the deep end of a swimming pool gasping for air still being unable to swim. Why was my life being spared so many times?

Chapter 3 First Taste of Drugs

I started working as a male orderly in St Pauls General Hospital when one day on the ward I had a raging toothache. I asked a nurse at the desk if she could give me anything for the pain. She gave me three or four pink tablets 292s each containing half a grain of codeine. I didnt know how strong they were, they could have been aspirin for all I knew, and the pain was so bad I didnt want to take chances so I swallowed them all. Wow, now I had found paradise, what a feeling of exhilaration, euphoric pleasure and new found confidence. I was addressing doctors like I was one of them. It felt like all the love I had ever missed out on was hugging my body and mind. The pills wore off slowly but it was not long before I would pretend to have a toothache at another nursing station and ask for the same pills. I had started smoking marijuana whilst listening to The Beatles and dabbling with a Ouiji board at that time when I met a nurse in the same hospital who gave me the signal that she smoked grass too. We got together through drugs and eventually were married whilst high on drugs. Her family were all Brethren Christians and her father tried to explain about God to me. What on earth were all those filthy rags he was on about. Had the poor man got nothing better in his mind than talking about filthy rags? We married on Valentines Day, my real dads birthday and as my dads name was Valentine I thought all this would help bring perfection to our marriage. Wrong again! After less than two months together I woke up to find a note from her saying she had left me. She ran off to hang around an icon of hers, Cannonball

Adderley a world renown Jazz artist performing in a local night club. She asked me for a divorce, but I refused as I had taken my vows very seriously before God. Finally, she said she had committed adultery and although I would have forgiven her, she was adamant she wouldnt be returning to me, so I gave her a divorce. I was eventually dismissed from the hospital where we both worked for giving medication without permission to an addict patient who conned me obviously by seeing my pitiful naivety and immaturity. It was soon after that I had another brush with death when I accidentally pulled a heavy steel pulley down on myself in a factory, narrowly missing my head and smashing into the concrete floor. I applied for a job in Vancouver General Hospital and hoped they wouldnt check into my past record. Amazingly I was accepted. However, it wasnt long before I found where they kept my favourite drugs and helped myself. I would go to the Optical Ward on night shift, steal pure cocaine and drink it from a Dixie paper cup. I turned all the more to drugs after the divorce, maybe because of the rejection. LSD+Beatles+Hashish was now my new experience. I liked the new message in the songs of the day Love, Love, Love. I remember taking a Greyhound Bus from Seattle to Vancouver well I should say I was deported for being an illegal immigrant in the USA at that time and was put securely on the bus by the Seattle Police Department. As I alighted from the bus in Vancouver an elderly lady approached me and gave me a tract entitled Destined For Greatness She had evidently seen the message I had put on the back of my red and white college jacket, PLEASE LOVE EACH OTHER I thought that was the ultimate message I could give to the world. The tract the lady handed me fascinated me, even though I didnt understand the gospel message it contained. (I was recently sent a copy of this most amazing 'out of print' tract found in the personal belongings of 'Duke Ellington' the famous jazz player.) Flower Power was all the rave at the time, and I heard there was going to be a Rock Festival on Strawberry Island on the Fraser River at Mission, BC. I joined dozens of hippies hitch-hiking to the venue. The river

island was amazing. Some had come in a funeral hearse, old bangers and many on foot. Everyone there smiled at me and appeared to have such peace, I felt so accepted at last and soon made new friends. The music was heavy and of no interest to me, but the social life was what gripped me. After the official festival ended, there were many hippies (including myself) who didnt want to leave the island. We wanted to live in a community. We built shelters for ourselves out of wood and branches and had camp-fire meals together with guitar singing. Yes, there was nudity, sex and occult chanting rings going on, but I felt freedom. My hippy name was Applejack and I found a new life behind that tag. The month was July of 1970, the snow was melting on the mountains high above the river and little did I know that Strawberry Island was soon to be almost submerged under icy flood water. Each day I saw the water cover familiar areas getting closer and closer. Everyone was wading up to their neck across to the mainland, everyone that is but me. I was so terrified of drowning because of my past experiences that I too afraid to join them so I stayed on the island. I knew I would eventually drown if I didnt get off so I roamed the remaining dry land and eventually found a wooden raft tied up round a tree that some hippies had built for fun. The raft was six feet by five feet. I loosed the raft and tied the rope around my ankle in case I fell off into the water. There was a long pole on the raft so I manoeuvred slowly through the flooded trees until I was in the current of the main river. I planned to let the raft take me to Vancouver and draw my dole money. I remember having a raging toothache and decided to lie on my back and doze in the hot sunshine. The river was very wide and the raft seemed to drift very very slowly. I fell asleep for a short time. On waking, I was very surprised to find the raft was moving so fast with the current it was almost keeping up with cars on the road parallel with the river. I saw a huge square of logs tied up at the side of the river ahead. The raft was travelling fast, heading straight for the log pile and I could do nothing but sit tight and take what was coming. The raft hit the first huge tree and stopped suddenly, I was thrown off the raft onto the top of the logs. The raft was being sucked under the logs by the fast current flowing under them I had no time to untie myself and was in danger of being dragged underneath with the raft. With strength not my own I managed to prevent the raft from going under and pushed it round the logs and freed myself

into the river current once more. Clearly the spirit of death almost had me once again with its watery weapon. I reached a small bridge in a narrow part of the river and heard the shouts of two teenagers on the bridge above hollowing at me. He thinks hes Tom Sawyer! they said mockingly. I could see they were preparing to spit on me as I passed under them. I dont know why, but I could have left the raft at that point and set off on foot to Vancouver, but the raft somehow lured me to stay on it all the way. The river widened incredibly and I saw a small tug boat coming towards me. The figure of a man at the helm was shouting and waving at me. As the tug got closer I could see he was very angry and cursing me right, left and centre telling me I was out of my mind. He told me there were rough rapids and rocks further down the river that would have surely drowned me. They hauled me onto their boat and I remember his mate offering me some food from a tin. They took me to the edge of the river and I disembarked and hitch-hiked a lift to Vancouver. I heard the local newspaper had reported me as being drowned. I remember locating some hippies I knew from Strawberry Island who had moved into a community house. A strange girl called Marigold visited the commune one night and I remember her reading to us all out of the bible from a chapter on love in Corinthians, but she was quite mixed up herself and looking for a guy to give her a baby. Little did I know that she had a pattern of having babies as dolls, then giving them up to the authorities and starting again with a new one. She told me I had lovely eyes and wanted my baby. Falling for her flattery I stupidly gave in to her. We became friends and I decided to take her to meet my family in England. We spent Christmas together in Yorkshire with my parents and I remember surprising myself by hugging my step-father goodbye on leaving the house to return to Vancouver!!! Little did I know at the time what that signified, but I was to find out in four weeks time.

Chapter 4 Finding Paradise For Real

It was now January 1971. We arrived back in Vancouver hoping to live together and await our baby. Marigold, for reasons still unclear to me, told me to move out and leave her alone. Feeling rejected yet again, I rented a room in East Vancouver and lived like a hermit nursing lifes wounds. I remember taking sixteen pain killers but survived yet again! The previous tenant had left a book in the room called The Desire of Ages by Ellen G. White. Bored, I opened it and read a little. It seemed to be saying that Jesus was still alive. That thought intrigued me. I sat up in bed, pointed to the carpet in the centre of the room and arrogantly said out loud, OK, if youre alive come there right now and show yourself. Nothing happened and I fell asleep, but ............. The gauntlet had been thrown down, Call me and I will answer you A week later I was returning home after buying a bottle of strawberry wine. It was coming in dark and I was standing around the bus stop when I decided to hitch a ride. It was an acceptable way of getting around the city at that time. Soon after I stuck out my thumb, a little VW stopped for me and I ran towards it. I could see there was a lady inside on her own around fifty years of age. I opened the passenger door and heard her exclaim,

Praise the Lord, get in! I thought, Oh my whatever is this? Dont sit on my cake she said pointing to the white box on the seat. You can have some but dont squash it. I removed it and we set off. Whats your name? she asked. Ed I answered. Well Ed, do you know Jesus? Er, no I said. Well, Ed if you dont have the Son you dont have life but if you have the Son you have life. I remember thinking, What is it I dont have? I thought, Ill shock her out of all this talk. Ive been shoplifting today! I said. She surprised me by just laughing it off lightly and saying, Ed, can I pray for you? Yes I said, expecting her to go home and maybe kneel at her bedside and pray. No, she didnt mean that at all. She immediately took her right hand from the steering-wheel and promptly put it on my left knee. Was this one of those women your mother warns you about? Lord, dont let Ed go until he finds you. She prayed, then she spoke in a foreign tongue that I couldnt understand yet it intrigued me all the same. I told her we had arrived at my home and she stopped the car. She gave me a card with the name of her church on it, Glad Tidings Temple, Fraser Street and said, Come along and visit, twenty of us got thrown to the floor last Sunday by the power of God! What ever does she mean? I thought, as I thanked her and closed the car door. Wowee! what was all that about? I did have to admit to myself however that her side of the car seemed to be all full of happiness, surety and light and I had sat in confusion, gloom and darkness on my side. When she put her hand on me it seemed like she made a bridge of love and light over to me and made me feel like I could have travelled forever just feeling the comforting touch of her hand on me. (But of course I didnt tell her that!)

Chapter 5 Salvation
When I reached my room I did a very strange thing, I poured my strawberry wine down the sink. For the next few days I kept finding that little church card in my pocket and couldnt bring myself to throw it away. Finally, the next Sunday I cleaned myself up and thought, Ill just walk past the place and see what it looks like. There it was with a huge 3D pink neon flowing sign Glad Tidings Temple it looked like a cinema and had a foyer, sloping floor with cinema seats and a backdrop of gossamer curtains just like the Odeon. I peeked in through the foyer and noticed everyone seemed so happy talking to one another like they were in a party mood. I saw a seat in the back row and thought Id sit quietly and observe. The service started and a lady came on the stage and gave a message about Jesus and invited people to ask Him into their lives for a new start in life. She asked for a show of hands. I thought through my life up until then, I had tried freedom, money, sex, drugs, music, friends and still remained miserable. My left hand seemed to float up by itself. Yes, I see that hand. She exclaimed from the stage. During the last song or hymn she asked those who had raised their hands to come to the front of the stage. I remember, the hymn was, Jesus Is Passing This Way.

When I reached the front of the church a little man in a dark suit and glasses came up to me and asked me, Do you want to be saved? I don't know, I said, I just met a lady in a car who invited me to come here. Do you want to pray with me? he asked. Oh no, I've never prayed with anyone before. I told him. I'm too English for that. Well, we're all English when it comes to that, He said. I'll come back next week when I've thought about it. I said, feeling like I had a ferret chasing a rabbit in my chest. Oh he said, If you go you won't come back, they never do. Why don't you just try and pray? So I thought OK, I've come this far. So I just blurted out, God, make something out of my life. The little man was so excited at that point and showed me the some words in the Bible that said, He delights in mercy and casts all our sins into the sea. Or something like that. I felt absolutely no difference whatsoever. He took me down to a room and said I would be filled with the Holy Spirit. The room was small like a cabin with carpeted floor and walls. Everyone in there was wailing and pleading with God to fill them. The little man was behind me as I knelt down and his hands were on my shoulders. I didn't know what to do, it all felt so bewildering and I just felt plain daft. Eventually, the little man asked if I wanted to go. I jumped at the chance and left, walking home on my own. I remember trying to copy the foreign sounding language they had all been using but I couldn't. I reached my room and it appeared even more gloomy to me. I sat on the bed and felt a depression come over me. I thought, I've embarrassed myself tonight in front of all those people and nothing happened. No flash of light, nothing. I asked for help to the highest One they say there is and He didn't answer me, so there is nowhere else to turn now, I'll have to stay in this mess forever. When you sit on a chair thats not there, that's the feeling I had. I had never cried since my step-father had my little dog put down at the vets, but now the tears welled up in me and I crumbled on the carpet in the centre of my room. Self pity took over and I sobbed my heart out. Suddenly I heard an audible voice, not from any radio or TV next door, it was from inside of me. You didn't say sorry tonight, that's why you're no different. I continued crying and sobbing but answered the voice out loud. It's not my fault I'm in this mess, it's my step-father's fault not mine! I was on the

defensive. Mercifully for me the voice gave me another chance and spoke again, but for the last time. I'm not speaking to your step-father, I'm speaking to you, are you sorry? I felt in a corner now with no-one else to blame. Still sobbing, I said, I'm sorry for what I've done, yes I'm sorry for everything I've done, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry! The crying and sobbing continued, but suddenly, the nerves in my tummy took over and my emotions changed gear, I laughed nervously and cried and felt goose pimples all over my arms and neck. I felt a lightness all over me, alone there in my bedroom. Amazingly I was sitting on the carpet in the exact same spot that I had pointed to just a week earlier when I demanded Jesus appear to me. Now He had come in a dramatic way and I felt Him with me, to put it mildly! I got up and laid on the bed feeling this new wonder inside me. I closed my eyes and saw a giant hand take a clean white fluffy cloth and wipe the earth's globe until it became black, slimy and putrid, it was then put on a cross and the giant hand smote it and destroyed it. I heard a voice distinctly say (not audibly as before) Go out there and treat everyone as if they are Me. It was 31 st January 1971. Although I read my bible I didnt go back to the Glad Tidings Temple. I read about being baptised in water and headed off to a house where I knew some other hippies had been evangelised. I joined a small band of them waiting for a mini-bus to take us all to English Bay in Vancouver to be baptised. I did struggle to go as I hated and feared water, especially cold water as the snow had been falling on the sea the week before. Today was 7 th February and very cold. Two young girls not much more than 14 years came to me and asked if I had been baptised by the Holy Spirit. No I said, I have to have that after the water baptism. Oh no, she said. You dont have to wait, you can ask right now. They laid their little hands on my shoulders and started praying in tongues. Go ahead, ask Him. She said. I asked Jesus to fill me with the Holy Spirit. Now, youve asked so youve received, just speak in tongues now. I was aware that a room full of people were now giving me their attention waiting for me to perform! I cleared my throat and tried to make a sound but nothing came. The experience was as if God was saying to me, When you jump from the plane Ill give you your parachute but you must jump without it first and trust me. I decided to make a definite sound with my voice even if I sounded like Donald

Duck. As soon as I did this, the sound I made, whatever it was rounded off and slid into another and another and started to flow articulately. I burst into tears at the relief of receiving and realising that God had not let me down. .. Two Christian brothers standing waist deep in the cold sea were beckoning me to come to them. I stepped into the water, brrr, it was ice cold from previous snow. They were expecting me so I had to go further and deeper. They dipped me under and I came up shivering and chattering in tongues all the way back to the shore. Within seven days I had been dramatically converted, filled with the Holy Spirit and baptised in water! I walked up into the city and remember stopping a couple and excitedly told them about God.

Chapter 6 Schizophrenia
Because of my lack of money at the time, a few days went by without having any food, in fact I was swallowing large amounts of water to fill up my stomach. I didnt realise it, but I was in a state of fasting. Together with my spiritual rebirth this immediate period of fasting was making me very sensitive to spiritual things. I remember distinctly sitting in the toilets of the YMCA in Vancouver meditating on all things new in my life when suddenly out of the blue just above me to the right came a voice saying, You are my son! The voice made my head swirl a little as I took in the words. Your son? I thought, Your son? Suddenly, pride rose up inside me and the thought came to me, in fact the thought was received by me, God has just told me in a very clear real voice that I am His Son, His Son Jesus. As soon as I accepted and believed this thought, a chain reaction of thoughts re-enforcing the fact came flooding through my mind, Thats why my surname is Jordan, Thats why Ive never known a physical dad here on earth. Thats why my dad was called Valentine which signifies Love, God is Love. Thats why the devil has tried so many times to kill me. Thats why they sang Jesus Is Passing This Way to me in that church Thats why this whole spiritual experience happened to me. etc etc.

I was hooked into a deep schizophrenic experience of taking on another personality and character. From that moment on, no-one could tell me I was not Jesus. If they did, they were Satan coming against me so I clung all the more to the illusion. I left that building so elated and feeling so special, so one with Father God. If I wanted to cross the road, I would simply step out and the cars would screech to a halt for me, I now knew I was indestructible. I would walk down the street, look at a spot far down the street, close my eyes and when I opened them again I was dramatically close to that point. I travelled more and more in that same way. I walked over an old rain puddle and looked back and saw Id made no wet foot prints. When I felt hungry, I went into shops, looked at the shop girl in the eyes and found shed turn her head quickly and couldnt look at me because I disturbed the sins in her and made her too uncomfortable to look at my eyes again. I then took the food I required and ate it. I reminded myself I had paid for everything on the cross. I was totally under an illusion of grandeur. Although deluded, I must tell the truth it was one of the happiest experiences of my life, thinking I had this intimate relationship with my Father. I had been a nobody all my life, but now it all made sense, I was rewarded by being the ultimate being! I got into numerology and discovered all the evil words added to 6 or 13s. Many things happened to cement my new thinking even more. I dont know if LSD had started moving again in my brain, nudged by the intense cold of the sea, all I knew was that the thoughts were real and made sense and were so very exciting. I was coming up to 29 years of age on 29 thMay 1971. I had also calculated that this birthday was the exact central day from my birth to the year 2000 ie, 1942-2000. I knew I would be revealed to the world in some way on my 29th birthday by my Father. I remembered a lady I had looked after in hospital who was completely paralysed her name was Christine. I decided to go and heal her. I walked into the ward and saw her lying in the same bed. I greeted her and said, Hello Christine. As she looked straight into my eyes she gave out the most blood-

curdling noise Ive ever heard. I tried to console her but she got wilder. I walked out of the hospital realising the devil was trying to attack me through her. I recall hearing the Canadian singer Ann Murray (of 'Snow-bird fame') singing Put Your Hand In The Hand. and thought she was Mary my mother singing about me. Mary sounding like Murray - I saw her making a public appearance in The Bay, a department store in down-town Vancouver. The crowd was asked if anyone had a question for Ann. I put up my hand and was chosen to ask her something. Ann, I said, Do you know Jesus? She looked at me sweetly, smiled and said, Yes, I do. How I managed it I do not know but I got the name of her hotel and even her room number. I knocked on the door which was opened but was prevented from speaking to Ann by many aides in the room with her. I was on a power trip looking at people directly in their eyes and stirring their sin, making them all look quickly away from me. I telephoned my mother in Yorkshire and told her something wonderful had happened to me and that I would explain everything to her when I saw her next. A day or so afterwards, I had eaten in a restaurant and was walking out when the waiter followed me onto the street and challenged me. I calmly went back inside with him and waited for the police to arrive. I thought it was a re-enactment of my previous arrest and had to endure it. I was taken to Vancouver Police Station for questioning. I told them I was Jesus Christ. They assigned me a lawyer who questioned me and again I gave the name Jesus. He asked me to sign my statement and I signed it, Jesus Christ. I was put in a large cell with others and slept until my court appearance the next morning. As I awaited being taken into the dock for questioning I heard two officers disputing my case, He cant appear in court, hes completely mad, we are taking him to a Psychiatric Home. The Mental Hospital was a strange place to me, it seemed the other patients were the ones with deep problems, not I, and I felt sorry for them. One elderly lady came up to me and smiled very kindly, Hi, what is your name? Jesus. I answered. Her face changed like lightening into an expression of complete

indignation. What! how dare you say that, you dont know my Saviour, my precious Saviour, dont you dare use that name to me again! She never did speak to me again after that. They gave me tranquilliser tablets which made me like a rag doll, I could not even attempt to play the ward piano for being so doped up. I remember being dressed in a particular fashion, I had a sky blue shirt, an orange tie symbolising the sun, a green cardigan for the grass, brown corduroy trousers for the soil and black shoes to symbolise stones. When the medications came around again I refused them because of their strong effect. The nurse said nothing to me then, but ten minutes later I was surrounded by a group of staff in white uniforms. They asked me to come with them and I was led off to a small room and told to lie down. One nurse prepared a hypodermic syringe and the others stood around in case I caused trouble. They took my pants part of the way down and injected deep into my buttock. I was once more incapacitated for hours until the next dose. After a few more days under their supervision I decided I had had enough and made my escape, just walking out and not looking back. No-one followed me and I arrived back in down-town Vancouver. They may still be looking for me to this day!! How I managed to get my Passport and Airline Ticket I do not know, but I remember flying to London Heathrow and walking through the Green Customs Channel with my hands in my pockets without luggage.

Chapter 7 Return to England

I arrived at home and told my mother some of what had happened to me. She must have known I was mentally ill, but never remarked on it. After a while I was on the move again and boarded the train for London. I continued to eat for free in my usual Vancouver style and slept in high class hotels such as The Strand when a convenient guest room door was left open. Eventually I moved to Richmond, Surrey sleeping in the belfry of a church. I remember the vicar finding me up there and having someone make me breakfast in the church before bidding me farewell. I acquired a tent from somewhere and pitched it in Richmond Park under the undergrowth so no-one could find me. Although I reached the most debased state of mind in that tent and ate some grass like an animal, I had the most enjoyable time on my inflatable mattress in my sleeping bag with my bible. It was like being back in the womb again away from the woes of the outside world. One day I wandered through an Anglican Church in Richmond and passed a large bible on a stand opened at a particular passage. I read the words, He who doesnt work doesnt eat. Those words entered deep. I am being told to find a place of work I thought. I was accepted as Kitchen Porter for North Thames Gas Company in Sheen. No-one there knew I was living in a tent in the park nearby. The Pastry Chef was very chatty and soon knew from my conversation that I had a belief in God. You remind me of some people I know in this place called Halford House. He said. I asked where this place was and made a note to visit.

It was a house fellowship run by Lance Lambert (who now lives in Israel). There were many mature Christians in that fellowship. They must have easily discerned that I was under a delusion and needed prayer and deliverance. They were so very kind and many extended the hospitality of their homes to me for dinner. One person pointed out a verse of scripture which literally jumped into my head regarding God giving me a sound mind. Shortly after that I felt myself coming to my senses. It was very slow at first however. One day I returned from work only to discover that my tent and all my belongings had been found by the park rangers and confiscated. As I had a wage I was able to rent a room in a small Richmond hotel. One evening I received a knock on the door from Kai, a Norwegian Christian who had a burden to bring me back to God. I remember being so convicted I wouldnt open the door and sat on the bed with my fingers in my ears to shut out his knocking. One morning I received a letter from Marigold, pregnant with my baby in Vancouver to say a little son had arrived and she wanted to come to England and get married. It was a bolt from the blue she even enclosed a picture of little Johnny. I immediately wrote back and told her to come over and join me and we would marry. I went out to meet mother and child at London Airport. It was very emotional for me to see this little bundle in her arms. I burst into tears when taking him into my arms. Dont cry like that, youll frighten the baby. She reprimanded. We set off for my room. I guess she was expecting a house or something grand. Little Johnny slept in an empty drawer on the floor that night. It was very evident something was wrong and Marigold told me she had changed her mind about getting married and wanted to return to Vancouver however, she said she wanted to leave our baby with me and return alone. She made it plain that was what she wanted so I had to agree. Off she sped in a taxi to the airport and returned to Vancouver, Canada. It was a strange feeling having a little baby son in an 8 x 10 hotel room on our own. The first evening I carried him in my arms and walked to the riverside and sat on a seat with him just thinking things through. I later telephoned my parents in North Yorkshire and told them what had happened. They

quickly came down and collected us from the hotel and we set off for their Bed & Breakfast home in Settle, North Yorkshire. We lived at home altogether for about one year bringing up Johnny until he was walking. One night the telephone rang it was Marigold from Vancouver she was very upset and wanted her baby back. It was the start of a very ugly tug-of-war with threats to send social workers to collect Johnny. I realised I had no leg to stand on as we werent married and Johnny was a Canadian citizen. Eventually, mum had the idea to send her the fare to come over and try and live amongst us in Settle. She did try to settle with us, in fact we got a little cottage for her and Johnny, but she was becoming restless and I was getting more and more worried and stressed that she would rob me of my son. I was over my schizophrenia episode by that time but was still somewhat weak in my mind, I guess through the exhaustion of it. My nerves were at breaking point and when Marigold stated she was going back to Vancouver with Johnny, it was too much for me. I had fears she might take him back to a hippy scene and deny him a good life with us. Her foster parents had already told us about all her other babies she had put in homes after they grew to a certain age; why was she insisting on keeping mine?

Chapter 8 Murder in the Heart

I decided to buy a sharp camping knife and kill her! I knew I would be imprisoned for most of my life, but I would eventually come out to my son. I was in a backsliding state regarding God but even so, I knelt down in my bedroom and asked God not to let me do it, yet I felt driven to it. I arrived at Marigolds door and she let me in. She was busy changing Johnnys nappy on the bed, leaning over him with her back towards me. I thought now is my chance. I felt the handle of my knife firmly in my hand. Seconds passed and I waited for some anger to rise up within me. All of a sudden, little Johnny who was on his back facing me smiled sweetly directly looking into my eyes, so innocent of what was happening around him. God met me in his little smiling eyes and completely disarmed me. I left the cottage and threw the knife over someones wall, where it must be to this day. I went down the fields and I thanked God for answering my prayer. I knew it was the end of the line and asked God to take Johnny over and if she did take him back with her, it was only because God gave her the permission to do so. I received peace about that and in fact left her to her decision and I travelled to London. When I eventually heard she had left with Johnny I had a great sense of peace by the grace of God like a huge cushion under my mind.

I worked as a live-in night receptionist at Richmond Gate Hotel. It wasn't long before Kai the Norwegian finally tracked me down and asked me to repent and come back to God. Wherever you are Kai, I thank God for your obedience. I grew quickly and zealously in God having wonderful times of Gods presence in my little room. One day I asked Jesus what we would be doing in heaven with Him and to this day the thoughts that came to me still thrill me. I record this in faith as being from Him but remain vulnerable to any discerning member of His body to being corrected as the scripture duly states. I thought of the two disciples on the road to Emmaus having Jesus open up all scriptures that pertained to Himself. From the understanding that came to me I now feel that Jesus will gather us all around Him in timeless eternity and not only open up the whole written bible but actually take us to each event, not by replay, but actually be there in Spirit at that moment in time. The Lord says he knew us before the world was created. The wondrous historical events of the bible are not to be dimmed by time only to be experienced by the few involved in them for a one off happening, in fact God wants His children to know His Sons involvement in everything in history. I believe we will hear Him say, Let there be light. And we will see the outcome of His command, rather like we parents love to have our children be healthily proud of us when we achieve something and boast to their school friends about us. Let us boast about our God the Psalmist says. We are made in His image and receive joy from the things God receives joy from. I believe we will see the mighty Red Sea opening up in real time and be able to worship our God throughout these wondrous events. I believe we will be able to kneel in the stable with the shepherds at His birth. How could such an event be allowed to pass unexperienced by His own children and His Bride? There is one event that captures my heart and that is Simeon being handed baby Jesus to hold in his hands. Can we miss out on such an event, I think not. I would love to hold Jesus as a baby. This was truly the ultimate experience for Simeon, holding the One who contains all the fulness of the Godhead bodily He who holds us in His hands now, demonstrating the ultimate humility by letting us His creation hold Him in our hands! Will we see Jesus on the cross? Can we the objects of His love never experience the reality of our Lords ultimate act by being taken there by His Spirit in the Lords day? in the book of Revelation it is recorded that there was silence in heaven for half an hour. Surely this would be such a time to be completely in awe and dumbstruck! I include these thoughts for anyones personal meditation and discernment.

Chapter 9 Meeting Ilda

Whilst working at the hotel, I visited Kensington Temple up in London, (after drawing straws about whether to attend Halford House that day) It was at KT that I was approached by a young girl who introduced herself by saying, Hello, Im Ilda, welcome I attended more and more at KT and during one service, the pastor announced that Ildas father was in hospital after having a leg amputated! I immediately felt a burden to visit him. I sought out llda and told her of this. Oh, but you wouldnt be able to talk to my father as he cant speak a word of English. Ilda exclaimed. Oh, dont worry about that I just feel to sit and hold his hand and pray. I answered. This led to being friends with Ilda and sharing my testimony with her. She was so excited with my story she woke her parents up that night and made them listen. They cried when they heard my story. Soon after, I received a burden to pray for my mother in North Yorkshire. I saw the black slimy slippery round edge of a pit and with tears cried out to God to save my mother. (I cry once in a blue moon!) I wrote mum a letter explaining what Jesus had done for us all and simply asked her to go into her bedroom, kneel down and say sorry for everything and ask Jesus to reside in her heart. I posted that letter with a little nervousness on a Friday evening.

On Monday, I received a phone call from her in floods of tears saying, I did what you said and feel like the sunshine! I knew from my own confused experience she must not be left to fend for herself as a baby Christian and asked my friend Ilda if she would come to visit mum and encourage her. Come Together by Jimmy & Carol Owens, narrated and sung by Pat Boone had just been released on cassette and we set off with this for mum. Mum was on the platform as the train stopped in Settle. She cupped Ildas face and said, What a beautiful girl you are! Mum had not seen real Christians fellowshipping together before and completely missed the boat by entering the lounge where we were sitting, carrying a tray of tea and salmon sandwiches, and exclaiming, I think you two should get married! We were dumbfounded, especially Ilda who felt quite annoyed inside herself. How could she push her nine years older, divorced son onto me after I have kept myself pure all my life! Anyhow, Ilda had no love for me except for fellowship and prayer purposes. In fact she joined me in praying that Marigold would come back to me with my little son Johnny and get married. Back in London, I continued to pray and fellowship with Ilda and she decided to introduce me to her parents who had been so moved by my testimony. As I came through the garden gate Ildas mother looked down on me from the second floor flat. She only saw the top of my head but later said to Ilda. This is the one youre going to marry! Ilda was infuriated. Oh mother God would have to give me a lot of love before I would marry him. He is divorced anyway. Ilda couldnt understand her entertaining such an idea as her mother was Pentecostal and against divorce as such. Im telling you, hes the one. She said from time to time. Both our mothers sort of prophesying a marriage without Ilda and I feeling anything for each other at all. Besides Ilda was wanting a tall dark handsome guy with green eyes and beautiful mouth and teeth. I was only medium height, blonde, blue-eyed with no lips to speak of and teeth missing from my drug taking days. One day Ilda was so fed up with her mothers comments she went into her bedroom and said to the Lord, Lord, Im not coming out of this room again until you speak to me and tell me what is going on! She prayed and further prayed. Suddenly, her room lit up. She only needed to see the image of Jesus, His presence was that real. Yes, Ed is the one I have for you, I love him as much as I love you! Ilda burst

into tears. Im sorry Lord, I will marry him, Im sorry I thought I was better than him. From that moment on Ilda felt love for me and couldnt wait to see me again, however she thought, God must show him too that this is His will. (Ilda didnt tell me of her bedroom experience until after we were married!) A day or two after that we were standing at a bus stop together when I felt the urge to put my arm around Ilda. I later learned that at that point she said to the Lord, Here we go Lord!! We could find no-one to marry us as I was a divorcee. We married in Kensington High Street Registry Office after being serenaded by workmen high up on a scaffold singing Congratulations by Cliff Richard. I left my job at Harrods and we moved up to North Yorkshire and lived above a shoe shop. We had no money whatsoever as we were in debt to Morris Cerullo. Unbeknown to one other we had each pledged an IOU to him for more that we possessed. When we had paid the last penny, someone came to us and asked us to view a little cottage to see if we liked it. Well, of course we did. Alright they said, Its yours. God rewarded us for our giving. Ilda was pregnant with our first baby. I knew it was going to be a boy as God had promised to restore the years the locust had eaten, so I knew I would have back the son I lost. Sure enough, without todays prescans, Joel was born. In fact we didnt realised we had called him by the name of the book of Joel which contained that very promise. Actually, God gave back double as fifteen months later another son Mark was born.

Chapter 10 Teen Challenge In Portugal

I had in my heart to go to Portugal and work for the Lord, but Ilda felt no way she could return to her native country the very thought of returning to the Pentecostal Church there grieved her. They were very legalistic in those days. Against any make-up, short hair, bare arms and jeans for girls. Still, the burden stayed with me. One day a dear Christian called John came to visit us. John had translated the Bible into Mongolian and had just returned from there. We shared about our conflict of moving to Portugal. He turned to Ilda and said, Ilda you are being stubborn. From that very second Ilda changed her feelings and decided God wanted us to go. Although we had no money, God provided miraculously and furnished with only a phone number we landed in Lisbon. We rang the number and discovered it was for Desfio Jovem or Teen Challenge. When we shared our burden with the lady on the phone she wept and invited us round immediately. They could not believe that God had sent people from England after praying so long for a Portuguese couple to take over a new Drug Rehab Centre they had established in the hills north of Loures. They promised us a couple of rooms in the centre and food but could pay us no money. We were so excited, money was not in our minds right then. We felt the thrill of being in the centre of Gods will.

We returned to Yorkshire and prepared to leave. Looking back now, I was such a young Christian at the time, so immature and unsanctified in my walk with Jesus, yet by His grace He wanted to use me! I am a very quiet pacifistic type, a follower not a leader with no feeling or awareness of having any authority, however God supplied all I needed without me realising He had given me the necessary tools. I remember walking up to two young men fighting (knives and guns were common to some of the men we were helping) and seeing the fight dissolve in front of me. Now I know it was Gods authority and not from anything I know myself to be in the natural. Our time in Portugal was fruitful albeit brief and we handed the work over to the Portuguese nationals after six or seven months and returned to London. We all camped in Ildas mothers one bedroom flat in Camberwell unable to find accommodation or even employment. We decided to return to our Yorkshire cottage when a newsflash came on the TV. Drug addiction figures had risen sky high in London. How could we leave London without trying to help? We were desperate to find accommodation and employment in this field but doors were not opening. In our desperation we all got ready and went to an evening meeting in a nearby church. A lady at the very front prophesied without even knowing we were there. Why are you worrying about where to live, I am leading you into a large place! We knew it was for us and hung on to it. The next Sunday a Christian called Lynn advised us, Why dont you enquire higher up like the Home Office and explain your situation. And thats exactly what I did. I opened the London Telephone Directory and found the large black bold letters of HOME OFFICE, The I ran my fingers down all the departments right to the very end, nothing seemed to fit until my eyes were led to the very next alphabetical listing Home Of Healing, 16 The Chase, SW4. God had moved for us. Hey said Ilda that sounds like a Christian home for young men that I have visited before I met you Ed. I rang the number and explained our situation. The Christian man called Arthur was ecstatic, I cant believe this. He said. We are moving to Afghanistan as missionaries and have been praying for a couple to take over this work, you must come over for dinner as soon as possible. We did just that and realised when we saw the huge house that this was the large place that God had told us about in the prophesy.

We had the most wonderful three years of our lives in that place working for Jesus amongst the young boys on drugs. Many came to Jesus, baptised in the Holy Spirit and left heroin without even cold turkey side effects. We lived on 14 each a week and yet acquired our first brand new car by faith. Our children, Joel and Mark were then five and six years old and loved our house full of boys as we lived like a large family. The Lord gave us the verse He setteth the solitary in families to base our home on and we were a little drop of heaven for the three years we were there. We had seen the effects on other Christian children when the parents worked for God and decided ours were getting to the age where they needed us full time. We left the work with great sadness but God was with us.

Chapter 11
Criminal To Crime Analyst I joined the Metropolitan Police in 1985. It was during the end of my time in the police force I hit on the idea of trying to trace my little lost son Johnny in Canada. He would have been now thirty years old! The thought dropped into my mind, Look for the person who sat next to Marigold returning to Vancouver in the early seventies. I eventually traced Johnnys half brother on the internet who alerted his brother and one morning I received an email from Johnny! Ilda and I cried with emotion. Johnny was living in Toronto. We invited him and his girlfriend over to London to live us and had a wonderful reunion with them at London Airport. Every day was like a Christmas dinner around the table. Joel and Mark were thrilled to have their half-brother with us. I had just turned sixty and retired from the police having every day free to enjoy our new enlarged family. Life was bliss. Could it continue like this? No, it was not to be! A strange atmosphere rose up in the house, Ilda and I started to argue for the first time in our marriage. Ilda wanted to go and live with her mother, a classic line, but devastating for me to hear this in sound from her lips. What was happening? We discovered that Johnny and his girlfriend Fay were believers of Wicca white witchcraft and were very anti to believe in Jesus. Our household had been invaded with an alien spirit. God was very merciful to us and gave us the wisdom to carry on together through this strange

period of our lives. I told Johnny I would buy a house for them to live in as he had missed out getting anything from me. We advised them to get married and amazingly they did, in the local registry office. We all moved up to Stoke-on-Trent and I purchased three houses for the price of our London home. As the belief (practice?) in witchcraft continued I decided not to put Johnnys house in his name. This created a rift which eventually caused their return to Canada. They later confessed they had planned to sell the house and return to Canada with the money. They are in our prayers to turn from Wicca to the love Jesus has for them. Ilda and I visit young men in prison and spend most of our time encouraging asylum seekers/refugees, having a great burden for Iranians, Kurds and Afghans according to the verse ie, Leviticus 19:34 But the stranger that dwells in your land shall be unto you as one born among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself. It will always amaze me how God used my right thumb that day in 1971 to hitch a ride in that VW, find Jesus and receive a new life and family. I was amazed to find this scripture - and to find it in the Old Testament of all places in Proverbs 30:4 who hath established all the ends of the earth? what is his name, and what is his sons name, if thou canst tell? If ever there is one question I know the answer to, it is that one, JESUS! and Lord I owe You everything! Touch everyone who reads my story and do for them what you have done for me.