Chapter 41: Entanglement Fulfilled The next morning when I woke up I could smell coffee and something else

warm in the air but I wasnt sure what it was. There was bright sun coming in through the windows, a sign that the storm had passed, the sun was out, and was reflecting off the snow. I brushed my teeth, pulled on my jeans and a new tee shirt and ambled downstairs. Mrs. W. and Stoney were both in bathrobes. Hey bud, Stoney said, gesturing at the coffee pot. He stirred something in a pot on the stove, added a sprinkle of salt to his hand and dropped it in, then a large-ish pat of butter, stirred it, covered it, and turned down the heat. Oatmeal? I asked. Prcisment, Stoney answered. I like oatmeal, I said, pouring myself a cup of coffee. When I turned around they were both looking at me. What? I asked. Nothing, said Mrs. W., looking back at her paper. She handed me the crossword. She was looking at the front page section and Stoney was looking at Sports. I looked at Stoney. You sure you dont want to do this? I asked, referring to the crossword. Theyre fun to write, but Ive kind of lost my taste for solving them, he said. Stoney is one of the two smartest people I have ever met. Thanks, I said, taking out a pen. In a few minutes Michael showed up, shaved, hair still wet, fully dressed. He gave Stoney a peck on the cheek and Mrs. W. smiled at him as he poured himself coffee. Nice to have all you boys in one place, she said. It was about ten oclock. We were not early risers. Oatmeal? asked Stoney. Yes, please, said Mrs. W. I noticed for the first time that butter, cream, and sugar were already on the table. Stoney got up to ladle us all a bowlful, then the phone rang. We were all surprised. Well, all of us except Mrs. W. Hes an early riser, she said. Stoney and Michael and I looked at each other quizzically. Hello? she listened. Well, hello, Bob. I wondered if this might be you. You always get to the office so early. How in the Hell are you? She listened.

That all sounds good. How are Maria and Paul? she asked, then a few seconds later an alarmed expression spread across her face. Oh, Im so sorry, she said, and listened for a few minutes. Gosh I hope it all works out okay, she said, and listened for a few more minutes, then started nodding as she took a pull from her cigarette. Yeah, yeah. Hes really good. At calculation hes the best Ive ever seen, she said. He can do things in his head I cant do on paper, she said. Michael and Stoney and I looked up, because she could only be talking about Stoney. Then Michael looked at Stoney and smiled. She hasnt met Toni, Stoney said. I knew what he was talking about, but Michael frowned. She smiled. Okay, she said. I can teach him Rieman surfaces if it will get him a teaching fellowship. I want him to try some teaching anyway to see if hes going to want to be a professor. Hes crazy smart. She smiled and looked at the oriental rug. No, there wont be any pressure. Hes got money and can go to Stanford even if you dont give him a She puffed on her cigarette and smiled again. Ill get him started on minimal surfaces. He wont have trouble with it. Then you can see what you think hed be best at. Hes smart. She listened intently. When will he get the letter? She listened for a few minutes. Okay. Can I tell him? She smiled. Okay. Well thanks a lot, and its been good talking to you. Ill call next time Im in northern California, she said. Thanks again. She hung up the phone and smiled at Stoney. Okay, ace, she said. Youre in at Stanford. Youll get a letter in March. If you show up in Palo Alto knowing the geometry of minimal spaces, he needs a teaching fellow. Stoney looked so happy I thought he might cry. Michael jumped up and clapped his hands. Yippee! With my man on the peninsula! he said, and gave Stoney a happy hug. Congrats, bud, I said, and gave him a thumbs up. He smiled over Michaels shoulder. Stoney you need to give me a week this summer. At the beginning. Ill read up on what Bobs been up to and well go through it, said Mrs.W. What is this minimal spaces geometry deal? Stoney asked. Oh, think very small objects that have a physical reality. A very small bubble. Bobs always been obsessed with it. I dont really know what its good for and here Michael and I shot each other a look, because if math had to be good for something, maybe she hadnt completely turned her back on math and even engineeringbut Bobs not so much calculational as he is philosophical. Hell make some tiny little discovery then think about it for weeks and write about it every day. Im not sure youll like it. But heres the deal. Youre painting yourself into a corner. I assume your dream job is being at the Institute for Advanced Studies at Princeton, she said.

Whoa. Youre good, Stoney answered. Yeah, but you dont get invited there until youre famous, and the best way for you to get famous is by being a professor, and you cant just profess, you have to teach. So you need to figure out if you can do that, so being a teaching fellow is something you should do, even if you dont need the money. Stoney thought. Okay, he said. Now lets eat some oatmeal, she said, and we all did. It was delicious, but could any hot bowl of grain with milk, butter, and sugar not be good? After wed cleaned up Michael went to the window. Monty was wagging his tail by the front door, so I started dressing to walk him. Michael showed up at the front door. Im going to keep Henry company, he called out from the front door. Stoney and Mrs. W. called out something in reply and we left. I know that meant a lot to Stoney, Michael said, so I wanted to give him the chance to talk to her alone for a few minutes. Youre the man, I said.

Chapter 42: Entanglement Re-Opened The next morning when I woke up I was feeling a little itchy for personal grooming reasons. It had been several days since Id shaved so I did so, showered, brushed teeth, etc., before going downstairs. When I did the coffee aroma was strong. Mrs. W and Stoney were at the kitchen table in bathrobes. They acknowledged my entrance silently as I entered the kitchen. There were two mugs next to the coffee pot so I took one, poured myself a cup and sat down at the kitchen table. The front page of the Chattanooga Times was idle so I took it. After a few minutes Stoney got up, took some bacon from the refrigerator and began to fry it in a black iron skillet, so the room began to smell very breakfast-like. I read the first section of the paper and got up to refill my mug. Stoney had lined up the cooked rashers of bacon on yesterdays help wanted ads. After I poured my coffee I reached to snag a strip of Stoneys perfectly-cooked bacon but he smacked me with the back side of Mrs. W.s very narrow Teflon egg turner, leaving a warm and oily mark on the back of my hand. My expression must have conveyed surprise. Sorry, bud, he said. Were running out of supplies. Weve been snowed in for three days. Just enough for each of us to have three bacon biscuits. I noticed that biscuit dough was rolled out on the Formica next to the sink. Gotcha, I said, and sat down with my coffee. I looked at Section II of the paper. Someone named Rupert Murdoch from Australia was trying to buy New York magazine, which Id never read. Hard to see why that mattered. So you think youll graduate on time? Mrs. W. asked after a few minutes. I looked up. She must have been talking to me. She was aware of Stoneys graduation plans because shed gotten him into Stanford yesterday. Me? I asked. Yes, Henry, you, she said, with a mixture of irritation and amusement. And the question is am I going to graduate on time? I asked. Oh, this is going to be interesting, said Stoney, smiling at the bacon frying in the pan. What? Whats going on? Henry, have you fallen behind? she asked, alarmed. No, I said, confused. Im trying to graduate early. What? How early? she demanded. I kind of scowled because I didnt understand what the fuss was about. Um, if I may? said Stoney from the stove.

Please! she answered. Last year at registration Henry figured out that if he took lots of courses he could graduate in three years. So hes doubled up on Math and Physics and according to my Math friends, hes going to graduate in May with a perfect GPA. How in the Hell can a person double up on courses and still get good grades? she demanded. Of Stoney, not of me. Henry claims to have no love life, doesnt drink, and doesnt do drugs. No hobbies that anyone can see. Doesnt even play pool any more, Stoney answered. Henry, dammit, what am I going to do with you? she demanded. Oh, you dont mean that, sweetie, answered Michael, entering, fully dressed in pressed, creased khakis, a pressed white button-down and a navy blue v-necked sweater, ready to meet the day. He kissed Mrs. W on the cheek and then Stoney on the forehead. Henrys a strange force of nature, but you love him. You know you do. Michael said, and poured himself a cup of coffee. He was the only one of us who took cream or sugar. You know I do, but dammit, Henry, what are we going to do now? I thought Id succeeded in getting myself a degree while saving myself a years tuition and was still baffled over the direction the conversation had taken. I was thinking Id go back to playing pool and hang out with you whenever I was close to Chattanooga, I said. No, dammit, you have to go to graduate school at someplace really good and the acceptance season is almost over. Damn. Whats your GPA? I paused. Stoney answered for me. My sources in the Registrars office tell me he has a perfect 4.0, said Stoney. There was another pause. Why do you have sources in the Registrars office? I asked. Well, and here he said ahem, or something close, theres a sort of interest in who will be valedictorian, he said. Youre in the running? I asked. Um, yes, said Stoney. Tied with someone. Who? I asked. Nobodys as smart or as well-educated as Stoney. There was a pause.

Henry, you idiot, if you have a perfect 4.0 it has to be you, said Mrs. W. Michael laughed, then smiled, and took a sip of his coffee. It is Henry, said Stoney. But I think I should win. Whys that? Michael asked. Because Middle German is so much harder than Koine Greek, Stoney said. Plus, Henry gets to putter around in Physics while I have to think in higher math all day every day. Oh, for Christs sake, I said. You German guys get to read articles written in English by J.R.R. Tolkein and listen to Wagner and get credit for it. I have to read bullshit excuse me, Mrs. Wertheimer, that just slipped outwritten by born-again Christians. No way you win. You try explaining Valhalla to a bunch of thirteen year-olds, he answered. When did you do that? I asked. I was a counselor at a summer camp in North Carolina, he answered. After you started college? I asked. After freshman year, he said. Anything other than summer in Michigan. Bad call, ace, I said. I was trying to think of what kind of camp counselor he would have been, stoned to the gills every day. Yeah, okay, he answered. Just out of curiosity, how did you get weed at camp? I asked. Those campers were extremely well-prepared for their camping experience, Stoney said. How old were they? I asked. Mine were mostly middle school, but there were some high schoolers as well. The high school girls were exceedingly well prepared for camp, Stoney said. Plus, Asheville1 was right down the road.

Asheville is a town in the mountains of western North Carolina. Sort of. Its like Denverif you go there, youll be surprised at how taller than the town the mountains around it are. There are lots of dope smokers in Asheville.

I know the name, but Ive never been there, I said. I like the mountains, but I dont like to play pool at altitude. Not sure why. Im more comfortable down on the flatlands. With farmers. Well, that makes sense, of course. But Asheville is a college town, so, you know. Stoney said. Michael smiled. If you ladies would stop your reminiscences and focus, Henry, youre not returning to the pool hustler and gambling circuit, said Mrs. W. Im not? I asked. Stoney turned his back on us, smiling, and began to cut biscuits with a champagne flute. There was an awkward pause. Where in the Hell can we get you in? Mrs. W. asked herself, lighting a cigarette. She seemed to raise possibilities and strike them out to herself, shaking her head occasionally. Michael, chin propped on hand, watched this for several minutes with something close to amusement. He looked like he was going to interrupt her reverie for a second, but then seemed to change his mind. So have you read about Bells Inequality? Michael asked. Sure, I answered. Its Not you, Henri, Michael interrupted. I was asking the amazing Dr. W. What? she asked, stirred from her internal debate about where she was going to send me to grad school. Are you familiar with Bells Inequality? Michael asked. She stubbed out her cigarette and looked at him curiously. No, I dont think I am. Whats it about? she asked. Quantum mechanics, Michael said. Well, I dont much follow that any more. Not for a long time, she said. I expect you do more than you admit, but for now lets wait until after breakfast, said Michael. Stoney slid a sheet of biscuits into the oven and poured himself another cup of coffee. He didnt seem to be adding any bourbon. Okay. I still have friends in Pasadena and in Cambridge, Mrs. W said, returning to what was really on her mind and pointing at me in what seemed like a semi-threatening, if affectionate, manner. If I can get you into one of those, youre going, you hear me? I had a vague sense that Pasedena was in California and that there was a Cambridge in Massachusetts and that good schools were in both. I wasnt really sure that I wanted to go

to school any more, but then I wasnt going to disagree with Mrs. W. She generally knew best. But more school? Yes, maam, I said. I never heard of such a thing, she said, lighting a cigarette. She looked off into the distance, shaking her head, then looked back at me with her dark eyes. Play pool? You? she demanded. The smell of the biscuits cooking began to fill the room. Sorry, I said. Henry she began. The snows going to melt, said Stoney. That caught her off guard. Okay, she said. Michael and I need to leave to go to Sea Island today, he said. I looked outside and it did look like the snow was beginning to melt. I stood and looked out a window and the streets looked pretty clear. Too bad. I like having all you boys around, she said. Michael and Henry want to talk to you about quantum mechanics, said Stoney, removing the sheet of biscuits from the oven. So lets eat breakfast and then talk about inequality and entanglement, he said. Quickly, though, because Michael and I have to go. This was a sad thought. He shook the biscuits from the baking sheet onto a plate. The bacon was on another plate. He placed both on the table in front of us. Butter was already there, although I hadnt noticed it before. Dig in, he said, and smiled. He and Mrs. W. both stubbed out their cigarettes, he poured himself another cup of coffee, and we all ate. What you did was to take one of Stoneys perfect, steaming hot biscuits, split it, butter it lightly, then take one of his perfect rashers of bacon, break it in two, put it between your biscuit halves to make a mini sandwich, and then take a bite. It was heaven. Perfect. Mrs. W got up after her first one to pour herself a glass of milk, and I waved for one, too, but Im not sure but what coffee nay have been the perfect beverage for bacon biscuits. Either way was delicious. We discussed no physics until all of the biscuits were gone and all of the bacon was eaten. Unusually for us, nobody said anything while we were eating, but then baseball season was months away and no elections were coming up. Afterwards we all sat around for a few minutes knowing wed enjoyed something rare. Lordy. That was magnificent, said Mrs. W., taking a sip of her coffee. We were all in a state of mind that only a perfect breakfast can create. I reached for the section of the

paper that had the comics and was just beginning to work my way towards the puzzles when Mrs. W. spoke. Stoney, something was so simple and so perfect about that breakfast that I dont quite know what to say. Thank you maam, he said. He took a sip of coffee then reached for a cigarette. It was kind of like a hot bowl of oatmeal, she said. Its plain, but you just cant improve on it. Thanks, he said, and smiled, lighting a Winston. Okay. So there was this guy, Michael started. His name was John Bell. Irish guy. Took a job at CERN in Switzerland. He was always bothered about the EPR. Mrs. W. had made the transition from breakfast reverie to physics over coffee very smoothly. And EPR is what you call Alberts 1935 paper? she asked. Yes, maam. Named for the authors. Einstein, Podolsky and Rosen. She nodded and took a drag from her cigarette. Remember Einsteins premisethat because quantum mechanics allowed for non-locality, for what Einstein called spooky action at a distance, something must be missing. She nodded again. Obviously, she said. Actually, not so much, Michael said. Bell ran through the mathhe was married to a physicist and they talked about this stuff all the time, and he came up with a premise Youd call it a theorem, I interjected, speaking to Mrs. W. A theorem, then, said Michael, called Bells Inequality. In 1964 Bell published a paper called On the Einstein Podolsky Rosen Paradox Where did he publish it? she asked. I shrugged. Bell was in my Quantum textbook. Id never seen the paper. In a journal called Physics, Michael answered. Never heard of it, she said, firing up a new Benson & Hedges. I could smell the minty menthol over the nicotine. Stoney sat down with his already-lit Winston.

According to what Ive read, said Michael, Bell had wanted to look into the questions raised by the EPR2 and see where it went when he was a grad student, and even when he was a post-doc, but every time he brought it up somebody would act like seriously addressing the question would be career suicide. Heisenberg/Bohr et cetera worked so well that nobody thought there was any progress to be made turning over any of the rocks that crossed the quantum stream. But Bell never stopped thinking about it. Then when he got a job at CERN3 his career was pretty much bullet-proof and he started arguing with people about why it was that the quantum allowed this strange phenomenon of entanglement. Everybody he talked to was dismissive of the idea that something might be missing from the quantum theory, but he kept thinking about it. What he came up with was really, really weird. Michael paused and frowned at me. What was it? Mrs. W asked, exasperated. Michael thought and looked at me. I shrugged. Bell proved, or demonstrated mathematically, that the oddity that Einstein had noticed, that everybody had dismissed as silly from Bohr to Feynman, was an irreducible, unavoidable part of the quantum math. What? she was alarmed. How would you put it, Henry? he asked me. He actually relied not just on EPR, but also on a subsequent paper by Bohm and Ahronov that showed that if you have two matched spin particles, measuring one of them would tell you everything about the other no matter how far apart they were. I said. I remember a little of this, she said. How do you prove that it has to be that way? This entanglement business. Albert took it that the equations allowed for what youre calling entanglement as proof that something must be missing, she said. Right. Einstein thought that the strangeness of the universe was due to hidden variables that had not been discovered. Later scientists would fill in the gaps and explain the anomaly. But! He was, in this rare instance, wrong, it appears. Bell formulated Einsteins idea mathematicallythat something yet to be discovered would explain the weirdnessand actually managed to demonstrate that it was fundamentally incompatible
2

The EPR suggested that because entangled particles remained entangled no matter how far they were separated, this entanglement must violate Relativity, which says the speed of light is an absolute limit. If two entangled particles are a light-year apart and respond to stimuli instantaneously, what is going on? 3 Originally an acronym, nobody seems to know any more what CERN originally stood for. It was a nuclear lab and think-tank with an associated particle accelerator located in Switzerland, where neither the Germans nor the French could control it if twentieth-centrury-style troubles were to erupt again. Now known formally as the European Center for Nuclear Research, but still widely referred to as CERN, it runs, most spectacularly, in the present day, the Large Hadron Collider. Forgetting what a collection of letters stands for is not at all uncommon, by the way. How many remember that laser is an acronym that originally meant Light Amplified by Stimulated Emission of Radiation? Or exactly which vowels go where in YHWH?

with the established truths of quantum mechanics. It felt odd to be talking to Mrs. W and Stoney and Michael like this. They were all smarter than I was. Or am. How do you she began. Hang on, I said, unthinkingly, like I was talking to someone my own age. Gack. Sorry. Please, I said to Mrs. W. I felt like Id been very rude. No, go on, she said, smoking. Didnt mean to interrupt. Thank you, Jesus. Bell showed that it was the requirement of locality,4 I said. The classical requirement that a measurement of one thing be completely unaffected by the operations of another system with which its interacted in the past that creates the problem. It is mathematically impossible for a quantum system to exist that does not include entanglement. So this strange problem that Einstein noticed in the EPR is required by that confusing system that is quantum mechanics. Right? I asked Michael. Prcisment, Michael answered. So weird as entanglement is, and its plenty weird, the math of quantum mechanics requires it. So fundamentally the world is not what any of us think it is. Whether we believe in Newton, or Einstein, or Bohr, Bell has proved mathematically that we fundamentally dont understand whats going on. Or maybe that one of them must be wrong. Or something. Michael and I reconstructed the math as best as we could remember it.5 Neither of us could explain Bells proof6 of his conclusion to her7 because and both of us had been taught that it was reliable without being told why. She wasnt familiar with the math and wanted more of an explanation than we could give. She frowned at the ashtray and took a drag off her cigarette. Nobodys been able to test this experimentally? she asked.

In other words, Bell demonstrated that the entanglement problem was an unavoidable consequence of quantum mechanics. It will always be with us. 5 Bell began by assuming that there was a more complete wavefunction than the one quantum mechanics used and that it was defined by some unknown parameters which he called . He then assumed two entangled particles, then showed that even with the previously-hidden function, measuring one of the two entangled particles still allowed you to know what happened with the other, it just had thrown in. He demonstrated that quantum value of either product (the probability values for the two particles) multiplied out to a value which was either the same as the wavefunction in the absence of , or else arbitrarily (he means infinitely) small, which he demonstrated was impossible (this is commonsensical, of course; it cant be large enough to disrupt all of physics yet infinitely small). 6 See Appendix B.
7

It assumes the reliability of a normalized probability distribution. Not hard conceptually, perhaps, but hard to conjure up on the spot during Christmas break.

Actually, somebody did. They built a potassium cascade that generated entangled photons with the same polarization then shot them through half-silvered mirrors that diverted the light into two beams. They measured half with magnetometers then collected the other half in photomultiplier tubes. The correlations predicted polarization of the nonmeasured photons as collected in the tubes at rates several times higher than would be predicted by chance. She thought about this for a few seconds. And these tubes can detect individual photons? she asked. I had no idea and my expression showed it. She was looking at Michael anyway. They can come close, he said. They werent really designed to be used for light sources so faint, but thats what was available, so thats what they used. The problem was that any stray particle that wandered through would look like a photon in the experimental results. I bet, she said. What did they do? They shielded it as well as they could and kept the collection apparatus really, really cold. Gotcha. She thought about this for a few seconds. Albert really wouldnt like this, she said. Really? Michael, said, surprised. But it shows he was right. No it doesnt, she said. He wouldnt think so, anyway. But nobody else had ever noticed the entanglement problem, Michael said. Stoney rejoined us, a little winded. Hed packed their suitcases and loaded them into the car. What do you make of this, Handsome Stono? asked Mr.s W. I dont understand it, he answered. I dont see how something can have immediate effects on something far away. Michaels explained it to me, and my initial reaction was that Einstein must be rightsomething is wrong. Something is missing. But I looked at the math in Bells paper You have it? she asked. Its in the library, he said. Can you send me a copy? she asked.

Sure, he shrugged. Michael took out a small black datebook and made a note with a fountain pen. Ill remind him, Michael said. Thanks to both of you, she said. But I interrupted. What did you think of Bells math? The math was fine, so far as I could follow it, but it assumed all kinds of shi, um, stuff about quantum mechanics that I dont know. Michael said it was all right, but theres a lot of it that seems assumed, at least to me. In Math, if we paint ourselves into a corner and realize that one of our principles violates another of our principles we assume them both to be suspect until we figure out whats going on. At least I think we do. But the Physics department seems to assume that the entanglement deal violates Relativity, and I dont understand either Relativity or entanglement, of course, but everybodys marching right along as though both quantum mechanics and Relativity are both still reliable. We all looked at him, and nobody really knew what to say. Well, theyre both really good at predicting things, I said. They just predict things in different spheres. The Sumerians could predict eclipses and the positions of constellations and planets with astonishing, at least to me, accuracy, he said. So could the Aztecs and the Egyptians. But that doesnt mean the sun was marching across the sky on the back of a giant tortoise, or whatever the hell they all thought was happening, Stoney said, and shrugged. He lit a cigarette. Valid point, said Mrs. W. And now, sweetness, he said to Michael, I hate to break up this rap session of weighty minds, but we really have to hit the road. People are going to be waiting on us. That you do, said Mrs. W. But please come back often. Stoney kissed her on the cheek, lit a Winston off of her Zippo, and we walked them to the door. She stopped at the front door, maybe because the sidewalk was snowy and she was wearing loafers. She waved and smoked speculatively. I waved goodbye. Im going to miss those boys, she said.8 Theyll be back, I said. I hope youre right, but it will be a while if they do. Theyre moving to California. As are you, if all goes according to plan. Are you coming back?

Now that I think about it, she seemed to understand that she was saying goodbye to them for a long time. I knew I wasnt. We would all be back in the same suite in a few days.

Yes, maam. You dont think theyre coming back? I think it will be hard for them to schedule. But they have each other, she said. So do we, I said. Thank you, Henry, but youre so full of shit. Where am I going in California? I asked. Cant say yet. Youre not in. Northern or Southern California? I asked. I dont consider the Bay Area part of Northern California, but not there, she said, lighting a cigarette. So Southern California? I asked. Si, she said. Pasadena or Westwood? I asked. Not Westwood, she said. Wow. She was aiming high. She took a contemplative drag off of her cigarette. What did you think about all of that about Bell? she asked. Hmmm. Well, I was taught it in class, a couple of classes, actually, and they presented it to us like it was true, I said. Established. Which is to say, what, exactly? I I asked no one. It was hard to explain. She looked at me speculatively. I guess they dont teach stuff at school the way you do, I said. I guess. Not in quantum, anyway. How so? People are always saying that if you dont find quantum mechanics disturbing then you havent been paying attention. But they also seem to think it works so well that its pointless to ask questions about why it works. Like you were saying Bohr said to Einstein if the equations dont answer your questions, then youre asking the wrong questions. They seem to think that the equations describe the universe so thoroughly that theres no point in questioning them. Yes? she asked, taking a drag. She whistled the smoke over my head as I thought about how to answer. Well, so I learned Bells theorem the same way I learned Newton and Planck and Einstein. This has been established and you need to understand it to be a physicist. When you teach me something its more like Heres what these guys concluded and

why. She smiled over her cigarette. Everybody at school teaches it like This is what weve establishedjust accept it as true and keep moving. Remember Kuhn? she asked. Sure. The people in the academy keep building on what they know until a new idea comes along that reorganizes everybodys thoughts and provides a better explanation for observed facts. Then theres a paradigm shift. Close enough, she said, after a pause. But everybody just accepts all of this. Newton makes sense. Einstein makes sense. Bell makes sense. So theyre true, I complained. And with quantum mechanics? she asked. Yeah, well, everybody seems to accept that quantum mechanics makes no sense. Nobody tries to describe it in terms of reality. They just really like it that the equations predict results so well that they stop worrying about the fact that they have no idea whatsoever why it works. She thought for a minute then took a last drag off her cigarette and stubbed it out, looking out the window. Okay, Henry, so universities are institutions, she said, changing the topic, it seemed. Yes, maam. So lets look at a different institution. A different kind of institution. Say youre a Methodist minister. Or a priest. Or a rabbi. And one day when youre sitting in your study smoking your pipe thinking great thoughts a member of your congregation comes to you and says hes figured it all out. Weve been looking at the relation of God to man all wrong, and if you just listen to his insight about the proper interpretation of the scriptures, everything will be better. All the arguments solved. It will all make sense. Whats your attitude as you begin the conversation? I thought, but not for long. I guess Im pretty dubious. Whys that? she asked. Well, Im trained, hes not. Ive heard this before. What makes him so special? If that kind of insight was out there, somebody would have picked it up before him. All good, she said. Plus, youve been teaching the congregation the same thing for the last thirty years, just as it was taught to you. If hes right, you were wrong. Youve always been wrong. The people who taught you were all wrong. And we know that the current system works, right? Weve brought solace to thousands of peoplesaved their

souls, buried their mothers, circumcised their boys, baptized their children, done whatever Catholics doand we know that our system, for whatever flaws it might have and questions it leaves unanswered, well, its worked pretty well so far. Yeah. I mean, yes maam. That makes sense. Your professors know how to teach Newton and Albert and Bohr and even Bell. Thats what their jobs are. And all of their predictions work out, just like Archimedes could predict eclipses and Rutherford understood atomic weights and chemical reactions and Feynman knows the probabilities. Theyre not teaching you how to find the next paradigm shift any more than a Baptist minister is teaching his flock to be actual real-live prophets. Read the Bible we know and live as those prophets tell you to live. Ask the kinds of questions we tell you to ask. Otherwise, keep your nose to the grindstone. Dont go out in the desert and live on locusts and honey and seek your own vision. Do as we say and youll be fine. Youre describing the physics department pretty accurately, I said. Almost stifling. Its supposed to be stifling, Henry, she said. They didnt set it up on purpose to be that way, but one of the benefits of institutions is that they move slowly. Why is that a benefit? I asked. Because however poorly, what we have now works, and we know how its going to work tomorrow. In politics, in religion, in government, in law, in education, in medicine, and in social conventions. And in science, it works exceedingly well. Just like Archimedes knew what time the sun was going to come up and Bohr knew where all the particles were, across all of science and engineering we can build refrigerators and bridges and make phone calls and pasta salads and know how its all going to work. And for the most part, we think we understand why. No reason to challenge things that work. Makes sense, I said, and stopped to think. So if it works so well, why are we still trying to figure out more? I asked. She smiled and lit a new cigarette. Part of that will be easier to understand after youre around grad students a little more, she said. With all these theories, no matter how well they allow us to predict whats going to happen, and no matter how well they explain the results of experiments, there are little holes all over the place. Why does this kind of particle describe that exact kind of loop in a cloud chamber? Why does this kind of quark need to seem to spin twice to get back to its original polarity? Why do particles sometimes seem to be strings or loops? Theyre teensy, tiny, little questions, but thats what grad students do all dayfill in the tiny little chinks and cracks in the wall that is our accepted theory. But then every now and then somebody comes along and wipes the slate clean? I asked.

Yep. The time before last it was Albert. Remember, when I was in high school and starting college they taught us there was a substance in the universe called the luminous ther. Oh, yeah. I mean yes maam. Youve told me about this. Because the math of EMWs9 described waves, they assumed that there must be a substance light was moving through. Like a ripple on the surface of a pond. Or a compression wave through air. Yes. Yeah, well. Not much evidence for that.10 None whatsoever.11 Everybody was extrapolating from what they knew. And you can never extrapolate from what you know if theres some complete unknownor more accurately, some fundamental misunderstanding in the things youve been taughtout there. Rutheford couldnt extrapolate beyond his ther. Albert didnt seem to be able to see beyond light and gravity. Feynman cant extrapolate past his probabilities. Theyre all
9

Electromagnetic waves. Well, there wasnt in the 1970s. In the 1960s a Brit named Michael Higgs who taught at (of course) the University of Edinburgh proposed a new kind of particle, a boson whose field would provide a mathematical basis for why particles have mass. Since mass is such a fundamental property it may seem odd that physicists have a hard time explaining it, but fact is, they do. Until Higgs came up with his boson and it got included into the Standard Model (which didnt happen right way, of course; Higgs was regarded as a loon for several years before the gentlemans club that is Physics calmed down and considered the possibility that he was right) there wasnt really an explanation, at least amongst quantum mechanics, as to why all these particles amounted to something that had mass. The Relativity guys always had an easy explanation for mass, of course, but until Higgs got written into the Standard Model quantum really didnt. Then on July 4, 2012, the merry pranksters who run the Large Hadron Collider said they thought theyd detected the Higgs boson, which suggests that the Higgs field, which creates the conditions necessary for mass, actually exists. So theres something vaguely analogous to a luminous ther out there, but its a field, not a substance. And the reason I dont explain what a Higgs field is is because you have to understand how fermions act and how that relates to something called spontaneous symmetry breaking, which, frankly, I dont. If you want to try your hand at the math, knock yourself out. The fermion conversions are described by
10

where again the gauge field A only enters Dirac matrices, and (i.e., it is only indirectly visible). The quantities are the

is the Yukawa-coupling parameter. Already now the mass-generation follows the

same principle as above, namely from the existence of a finite expectation value . This is crucial for the existence of the property mass. And no, I havent tried to solve it. But my point is, what Henry said in 1976, that there was no evidence of something in the universe like the luminous thera substance that must exist because waves must have something to pass through is not so silly-sounding in 2012 as it was in 1976. True, were not talking about waves passing through something, but were talking about a particle that creates a quantum field that must exist for there to be something as basic as mass. There will be something else, sometime later, for waves. Surely that counts for something in the esoterica record book.
11

Well, see footnote 20. There was some, but nobody understood it in 1975. Except maybe Higgs, who was still regarded as a loon in the seventies.

great men, but they see what they see, and they cant see anything else. I thought for a minute. How would you say your analogy works in the other direction? I asked. How do you mean? Could you say the same about religious leaders? That they know what they know but cant get beyond what they know? I asked. Well, thats what I was saying earlier, but thats not the point I was after, she said. She frowned, took a drag, and tapped her ashes into an ashtray. She thought for a long pause. I guess Im having a hard time thinking of transformative religious leaders other than the ones we name the religions after. So Im not sure there are paradigm revolutions in religion. Billy Graham, I said. Earnest and well-meaning, honest and riveting as a preacher, but hes just the best Baptist tent-revivalist of the last hundred years. Its not transformative. Pope Pius XII? I asked. He brought some changeslimited, if you ask mebut his hands were dirty. Plus thats incremental change, not transformative. Mary Baker Eddy? I asked. Lots of followers but still a crank. Aimee Semple McPherson? I asked. How in the Hell do you know about Aimee Semple McPherson? she answered. I read. Then you know shes a complete kook whos not worthy of your list. The others youve mentioned had an impact. She was on the radio in Los Angeles.12 She was the one who started turning California nutty.
12

Without a doubt the most entertaining Southern California TV preacher of all time was Gene Scott, who showed up on television in 1977 and may have been on the radio before that. He talked about sin, the Bermuda (which he pronounced Bermooda) tiangle, demonology, and above all the importance of tithing to his church. After the FCC yanked his broadcast licenses for financial improprieties (the FCC claimed he was not entirely honest about the purposes to which donations would be put) he switched to satellite TV and soldiered right on. Died in 2005. For all of his foolishness, he seemed to understand Greek and Aramaic and could, on occasion, particularly on Easter Sunday, deliver a poetic and profound sermon. The next night hed be back to demanding you contribute so he could feed his prize horses.

Joseph Smith, I said. Good choice. I think Brigham Young would be better, though. Joseph Smith was a con man from Missouri who convinced a bunch of yokels that hed dug up some golden tablets and translated them into English then got killed young. Brigham Young sold the whole hidden scripture deal then convinced them all to move off to Utah, away from prying eyes and troublesome questions about the golden tablets. Whos next? I may be done. The deal is, unless the religion is named after you, your role is to tell the congregation to toe the line and do as told. Ill admit that Joseph Smith added some wrinkles and a book, but Mormonism isnt any weirder than Catholicism. Youre sure about that? I asked. Do you know what transubstantiation means? she asked. She had a point.