OPEN ON SHOT OF CLASSROOM; CAMERA FACING FROM CORNER OF ROOM SLIGHTLY TOWARD KIDS.

KIDS ARE ALL HALF ASLEEP WITH THEIR MOUTHS OPEN NOT PAYING ATTENTION TEACHER Enthusiastically speaks in French for about a minute while the kids stare blankly at her Long pause while teacher finishes speech and stares smiling at the class. No one moves. Then What?! JACK (IN SLIGHTLY PISSED OFF TONE) CUT TO OPENING CREDITS OF OUR PLACEHOLDER NAME: HIGH SCHOOL NEXT SHOT: FRONT VIEW OF JACK AND FRIEND A WALKING DOWN A HALLWAY. CAMERA WALKS WITH THEM STAYING SAME DISTANCE AWAY. JACK (CONTD) Godammit dude. I hate that class. I don't even know what the fuck she said! Why do they make us take a language? I already speak one! I'm not like some little baby that craps himself and doesn't know how to talk and stuff. Wanna know what French I know? I know how to say, You like guys. And I only know that because I wanted to say it to the deans and stuff. And guess what? It turns out that a lot of them know how to speak French! FRIEND A Yeah I don't really get it either. I mean, I think I know all the conjugations and stuff, and I've memorized almost all the vocabulary words, but I still got like an Aon the last test we had. I wasn't perfect on the thing where you translate that big, long paragraph. I think I missed a few points there or something. JACK I think you need to calm down.

2. FRIEND A Lets go to class. Lock slams. Bell rings. FRONT-SIDE VIEW OF JACK IN A DESK Teacher hands him a paper with an F on it. Jack stares off to the side with a look of sarcastic anger. Outside class Jack leans on a wall. JACK AHHHHHHHH! I HATE THIS SCHOOL!!! KID Calm the shit down! JACK Shut the fuck up, Stewart Barkley Malcolm! You and your fuckin dog middle name! I will cut off your head with a fucking chainsaw! CUT TO: JACK IN WEIGHTS CLASS Jacks making faces, doing the chicken dance, and being an idiot. An office TA walks in with an office pass and hands it to Jack. KIDS Whats it for? JACK I have to go see the dean. This has never been a good thing. Hmm...I havent been asking them questions in french for awhile...what could it be? SHOT OF JACK ENTERING THE DEANS OFFICE WITH A HUGE SMILE ON HIS FACE. Hello! JACK (CHEERILY) (CONTD)

Dean turns around in his chair, perplexed as to why Jack is so cheery. DEAN (AFTER A SHORT PAUSE) Where were you yesterday morning first period?

3. JACK

Oh shi-

Flashback of Jack standing on top of a hill and rolling random tires down it, laughing uncontrollably the whole time. The dean stands up angrily out of his chair, and points a finger at Jack. DEAN YOURE EXPELLED! ZOOM UP OF JACKS FACE He lights up. A choir plays that AHHHHH noise in the background where its supposed to sound like angels singing or something. JACK RUNNING DOWN THE STREET Walking on sunshine might be playing. Hes dancing down the street all the way to his car swinging around trees the whole way.

Woo-hoo!

JACK

Jack gets into his car and screeches away from the camera. THE CAMERA RISES AS IT FADES TO BLACK

COME FROM ABOVE ON SHOT OF JACK TALKING WITH A GROUP OF PEOPLE

JACK (CONTD) Man, it's great to be here. My old school was god-awful.

4. KID What makes you say that? Your old school had, like, the best football in the country and it was all private and stuff. Aren't those schools usually good? JACK I don't know. Maybe usually they are. Mine wasn't. The only thing that got my through the day there was the thought that if I wanted, I could pull a squid out of my pants at any moment. But see, that was only a thought, not a reality. Most of the teachers there were assholes and a few of them basically even told me I'd fail at life.

KID A teacher didn't tell you you'd fail at life!

Oh yeah?

JACK

FLASHBACK OF JACK IN THE OLD CLASSROOM. Teacher walks by him.

TEACHER You're going to fail at life.

BACK TO PRESENT.

KID Well it sounds to me like you're just being a whiny little bitch.

5.

JACK Sounds to me like you need to shut the fuck up.

Jack walks up to Mr. Nolan's desk. Jack hands him a note.

JACK (CONTD) Hey I'm new.

NOLAN Mmkay. Why don't you have a seat right over there.

Nolan points to a table with a guy and an attractive girl sitting at it.

JACK: (EYEING THE GIRL) This could be fun.

FREEZEFRAME

JACK (VOICEOVER) Nothing EVER happens with her. She is really hot though.

RESUME

JACK (TO M) (CONTD) Hey we wear the same shoes. That's funny.

6. M

Yeah?

JACK Hey you know what else is funny? Giraffes.

M Why are giraffes funny? Would you fuck a giraffe?

Uhhhhno?

JACK

M So if you were a guy giraffe you wouldn't fuck a girl giraffe?

JACK No because I'm not a guy giraffe so I wouldn't fuck a girl giraffe and I don't wanna think about fucking any giraffes in any form I'm in.

M Giraffe fucker!

JACK We're not gonna be friends are we?

CUT TO JACK AT THE LUNCH AREA WITH A GROUP OF FRIENDS

W So how's it been so far?

7.

JACK Kinda weird. Loootta weird questions being asked.

W Oh really? Like what?

JACK Don't worry about it. But dude, there's a lot of chicks here.

W Yeah I know.

JACK See I don't think ya do. I went to an all guys school. There were girls across the street. But all of them there are fuckin' bitches. I wouldn't be surprised if some of them had websites dedicated to their hair. But here, there's hot chicks everywhere, and from what I've seen in my 2 hours here, they're pretty cool.

W Yeah, I guess you're right.

J2 Hey Jack! You should try to go out with someone here!

JACK (SARCASTIC) Yeah that would be a good thing to happen. I totally wasn't thinking about trying that out until you made that suggestion. (MORE)

8. JACK (SARCASTIC) (CONT'D) Thank you so much. Seriously though. Any of you trying to hook up with anyone here?

J2 I've got someone in mind!

JACK I'm sure you docome on W. Let's go to class.

Jack and W head to class

JACK (CONTD) Man, what is up with those guys? It seemed like they were about to make fun of me for wanting to meet some people.

W Dude, not gonna lie, I dunno. There's something wrong with them. They got problems.