PROCESS TO DEAL WITH A DIFFICULT SITUATION IN LIFE

Topic: Identify and illustrate one process you have used to deal with Description: Identify and illustrate one process you have used to deal with a specific problem or difficult situation(s) in your life. In other words, explain your process for resolving a specific problem. One major problem in my life arose during my studies; at the age of 18 and this was when I had failed to make it to the medical college. The change in my career line was very much disturbing and became a major factor in causing stress and depression in my life. The problem increased when I also got bad grades during my under graduate business studies. The situation I had to face was pretty tough as my self confidence became very low and a great deal of stress overpowered my thoughts and learning abilities. I was scared of the failure, as my studies were a major concern to me and my parents, thus, I could not afford to let go of this crucial achievement. Due to this reason, I had become too much self-critical and got used to blame myself for getting bad scores. All of these events lead to a major problem i.e. depression and poor mental health. Depression is more prevalent among individuals who accept and feel defeated by self-attacks, and this tendency to submit to self-attacks is more pronounced among self-critics [Allison, July 2008]i. As selfcriticism became my second nature; it was not easy for me to deal with the whole situation and bring myself back to form. And I got two important years of my career wasted in this stressful situation. Finally, after two years I managed to get some control over my thought processes and I was able to overall improve my self confidence and to recover my learning skills and abilities. Although this was not 100% but I was able to get myself better by 60 to 70%. The gradual process of recovery was based on many factors. And dealing with those factors one by one made me to come out of this situation. Thus, the first step to the recovery process was Analyzing the Situation and Identifying the Challenges. As I was well aware that the phase in which my career was a very important one, thus, at every step I had to face great competition and the only chance for achieving my goal was to control my distortedness and become as competitive as others, but this was not easy enough for me at that time. On the other hand, I realized that I had my expectations as high as those students who had no mental stress and pressure. An overall analysis of the whole situation and realizing the challenges I was facing motivated me to improve myself and built me to face my problem. A toxic attitude which makes it especially difficult to be selective at times is the notion of More is better. This frequently leads to an escalating spiral of demands and a sense of time urgency, which is often the core factor in stress and burnout [Ask Dr Dan, Dr Dan, 2007]ii. By studying my situation it was obvious that I was expecting too much from myself which was not easy to achieve. The high expectations, I had developed hurdled my normal thinking process and blocked my way for getting relaxed. Therefore, the second step to overcome my problem of stress and depression was Setting Easier Targets and Lowering the Expectations from Self. Thus, I decided to minimize the pressure for myself and doing what I can achieve, no matter how small it was. I tried to relax by focusing on the lighter side of the studies which included the entertainment stuff like event management and similar projects and I thought less about the criticality of the situation determining the final grades. Two key measures that I followed in this regard were;

Written By: Azka Sadaf Hashmi

Page 1

PROCESS TO DEAL WITH A DIFFICULT SITUATION IN LIFE

Selecting what is easy for me as well as that interests me Moving gradually from simple towards the difficult tasks without thinking much about it

By lowering the expectations it was highly possible that I could get relaxed for a while but in the longer term I could again get burdened with dissatisfaction and thus, encountering the depression. To keep a persistency in my relaxed and improved state of mind it was essential to get to know further ways for coping with the depression in the long term. The situation around me was the same as before, and I had to continuously adjust to this. For this purpose it became vital that I have some achievement no matter how little it was. Thus, the third step in improving my situation was; Adjusting to the situation by getting small achievements. In this regard, the basic measures I followed were; Focusing on what I can do correctly no matter how simple it was Completing the tasks that I can do fast Basing my satisfaction on the small tasks that I accomplished Recognizing my achievements no matter how small they were e.g. if I was able to give a good presentation, got better grade in an assignment etc.

Although my I had narrowed down the scope of my achievement, yet this practice helped in reducing the state of depression. You can reduce a lot of stress by changing your goals. You dont have to sacrifice the end result, but if you set bite-sized goals for yourself and reward yourself when you achieve them, youll tend to be more forgiving with mistakes [Elizabeth, Nov 2007]iii. By following this, I could see some way to put an end to my persistent stress. In the long run I kept on controlling myself from complaining about the hard or negative situations because being vocal about bad factors makes it much harder to perform. I tried to relate to myself more than before as it kept me from over exposure to the tough situation. Relating to yourself in a more compassionate way activates parts of the brain associated with calmness and well-being, and de-activates parts of the brain associated with anxiety, stress, and depression [Allison, July 2008].

These measures lead me to control my depression attacks and helped me in believing in myself. Further, the improvement in my self - confidence due to the reduced self criticism helped in dealing with the pressure situations. I could realize a major change in myself after getting a better GPA than before in the first semester of the MBA program. This achievement also minimized the confusion, low self confidence and depression I had been burdened with during the time when I was a low performer. In conclusion, the lesson is that it is possible to deal with the bigger problems in life. The key is in being persistent to resolve the matter and not giving up till the end.

Written By: Azka Sadaf Hashmi

Page 2

Allison C. Kelly. Soothing Oneself and Resisting Self-Attacks: The Treatment of Two Intrapersonal Deficits in Depression Vulnerability. 17 July 2008 Cognitive Therapy and

Research Volume 33, Number 3 / June, 2009: 301-313 Springer Science + Business Media, LLC 2008 <http://www.springerlink.com/content/r235j0588170n633/fulltext.html>

ii

Ask Dr Dan, "Dr. Dan" Matzke, PhD. Success Over Stress and Burnout. "Dr. Dan" Matzke, PhD, 2007

iii

Elizabeth Scott, M.S. " Overcoming Perfectionism: How To Develop a Healthier Outlook Learn to Be Perfectly Imperfect!" 8 Nov, 2007, About.com, <http://stress.about.com/od/lowstresslifestyle/a/perfectionism_2.htm >