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THE HUNGER GAMES The Abridged Script The Cast Jennifer Lawrence Liam Hemsworth Josh Hutcherson Alexander

Ludwig Elizabeth Banks Woody Harrelson Willow Shields Stanley Tucci Donald Sutherland Lenny Kravitz Toby Jones Amanda Stenburg Jack Quaid Wes Bentley Isabelle Fuhrman Katniss Everdeen Gale Hawthorne Peeta Melark Cato Effie Trinket Hamitch Abernathy Prirose Everdeen Caesar Flickerman President Snow Cinna Claudius Templesmith Rue Marvel Seneca Crane Clove

FADE IN:EXT. DISTRICT 12 JENNIFER LAWRENCE and LIAM HEMSWORTH walk to the town square sullenly. LIAM HEMSWORTH God, I hate having to come to The Reaping every year. Its like, Hillary Swank as a scientist, really? JENNIFER LAWRENCE No no, youre thinking of the 2007 plague movie. This is just when a male and female child are selected at random to fight the children of 11 other districts to the death, so nowhere near as bad as that. LIAM HEMSWORTH (exaggerated eye-roll) Pfffffffffft, thats such a ripoff of Battle Royale! Thats a ridiculously famous and popular Japanese film, you may not have heard of it. Doesnt it show how totally hip and smart I am to cleverly observe how similar this movie is to that one? JENNIFER LAWRENCE Actually, since you could have realized that 4 years ago when the book came out, the only thing youve shown is that you dont read books. ELIZABETH BANKS, caked in HEATH LEDGERS TEST MAKEUP, walks out onto a stage.

ELIZABETH BANKS Oooooo, I will now select this years female tribute without even the slightest hint of awareness that this is actually a process people dont like! ELIZABETH selects JENNIFERS SISTER, WILLOW SHIELDS. WILLOW SHIELDS I cant open my eyes with terror any wider, wont somebody do something?! JENNIFER LAWRENCE Stop, I volunteer! I am not the greatest girl in the world, no, I am just a tribuuuuute! ELIZABETH BANKS Great! And for the male tribute (draws a name) Some blond beta kid nobody cares about. JOSH HUTCHERSON Awwww man, this is the worst birthday ever! WILLOW and LIAM say goodbye to JENNIFER. WILLOW SHIELDS Sis, I want you to have the Mockingjay pin I wear, itll bring you good luck.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE This would be the same lucky pin you were wearing when you were selected against thousand-to-one odds to be sent to your death, right? Thanks. WILLOW SHIELDS I guess Ill see you when the movies over, since at no point will anyone make any attempt to make it seem like youre not going to obviously win the games. They HUG, its LIKE TOTALLY EMOTIONAL. LIAM HEMSWORTH Good luck, Katniss. Whatever you do, dont overemphasize the books Twilight-esque love triangle just because our target demographic eats that shit up like rocky road ice cream after a breakup. Remember, Ill be here, smoldering at the TV for you. JENNIFER LAWRENCE Thanks Gale, tell Captain America and Iron Man I said hello. LIAM HEMSWORTH Oh, you bitch.

INT. PANEM JENNIFER and JOSH are taken to the CAPITAL CITY OF PANEM where they train with WOODY HARRELSON, previous winner of THE MOST HUNGRIEST GAME. WOODY HARRELSON Hi tributes, ask me anything. I will get to as many of your questions as I can, so start asking now! JOSH HUTCHERSON Im a baker by trade, should I go for it if one of the weapons on the battlefield is a comically oversized dough roller? WOODY HARRELSON You know, I really dont think about those things, once the opportunity passes, I really let go of it. JENNIFER LAWRENCE In the book youre an alcoholic largely due to the emotional burden that comes with training children that go on to be slaughtered, but just now you seemed to grab every drink you could because its a cheap characterization, is that accurate? WOODY HARRELSON I did it for energy. And i have to say, it works.

Suddenly, LENNY KRAVITZ approaches.

LENNY KRAVITZ Hey guys, I really hate having my picture taken without sunglasses on, so lets make this fast. We have to introduce all 24 tributes to the audience, so Im going to make you stand out with this costume, which looks like its on fire. JENNIFER LAWRENCE Thats it? This costume got two full, tedious chapters in the book! And yet, dumb ass fangirls are still going to complain the book is better, arent they, Woody? WOODY HARRELSON I dont want to answer questions about that. Lets focus on the film people. JENNIFER shoots an APPLE which causes the movie to admit upfront that shes going to win so everyone can RELAX. JENNIFER sits down for an interview with STANLEY TUCCI. STANLEY TUCCI Hi Katniss, try your best not to be distracted by my ridiculous costume. So, first question: the premise of The Hunger Games is that food is scarce and people compete in this competition to win food for their families, right?

JENNIFER LAWRENCE Thats correct, Caesar.

STANLEY TUCCI So youre supposedly you know, starving to death, right? JENNIFER LAWRENCE Yep. What are you asking, exactly? STANLEY TUCCI Well, you look I mean, what Im asking is, why are you er, of all the young actresses up for the part uh, how do I ask this without sounding like a superficial male pig JENNIFER LAWRENCE Youre wondering why they didnt cast an Olsen twin? STANLEY TUCCI Yes, exactly! Thank you! JENNIFER LAWRENCE Superficial male pig. JENNIFER is ushered off the stage to make way for JOSH HUTCHERSON. STANLEY TUCCI So, Josh, what do you suppose your chances are, considering that it looks like your head has been stuck in a small box since puberty.

JOSH HUTCHERSON Well, before I left, my mother told me shes pretty sure Katnisss going to win. Then my sister called me a pussy and my dad said not to be sad because I was supposed to be an abortion anyway. I can lift a bag of flour though, so pretty okay I guess.

STANLEY TUCCI I see. And do you have a girlfriend back home, which is a question I didnt ask anyone else and have no reason to ask you? JOSH HUTCHERSON Well theres this girl I stare at all the time like that vampire guy from that popular franchise, but SHE CAME HERE WITH ME, WHAAAAAAT! STANLEY TUCCI Wow, ladies and gentlemen, what a twist! Our female protagonist is certainly facing a difficult moral quandary, trying to remain a sympathetic character while murdering innocent children including a boy with a crush on her in order to ensure her

own survival! What do you think of that, distractingly weird-looking co-host Claudius Templesmith?

TOBY JONES Well Caesar, I think it would be a crushing disappointment if this complex, interesting ethical dilemma were gutlessly resolved by having Jennifer pretty much avoiding killing anyone due to increasingly preposterous contrivances including sudden, nonsensical rule changes outside of her influence!

LENNY KRAVITZ OH MY GOD I AM SO FUCKING BORED WHEN ARE THE KIDS GOING TO KILL EACH OTHER?! ALL 24 OR 25 TRIBUTES are sent to fight to the death in THE DINING MAN.

EXT. NORTH CAROLINA FUTURISTIC WOODS OF DOOM JENNIFER and JOSH wait in TUBES to be brought into the BATTLEFIELD. As they stand, completely still and tense with trepidation, the CAMERAMAN starts practicing his DANCE MOVES. JENNIFER LAWRENCE Um, nothings even happening right now, why is the camera going apeshit? If we start out like this, we wont have anywhere to go when its time for the actual hyperkinetic action THE FAMINE SHOW starts and KIDS begin KILLING THE FUCKING SHIT out of each other as the CAMERAMAN tries to set a world record for CONSECUTIVE SOMERSAULTS. JENNIFER LAWRENCE Oh. JOSH HUTCHERSON Just make sure we dont show any of the deaths, the exact same teenage girls that apparently love to read about horrific violence couldnt possibly stand to actually watch it! JENNIFER goes off and hides in the TREES while JOSH forms an alliance with A BUNCH OF ROTTEN PRICKS. Meanwhile, back on A SET RENTED FROM THE SYFY CHANNEL

INT. GAME PLANNING ROOM GAMEMAKER WES BENTLY briefly stops pondering his path from CFCAS MOST PROMISING ACTOR IN 1999 to GUY WITH PUBES GLUED TO FACE and turns his attention to MOLARBALL. WES BENTLEY Whoa whoa whoa, is she going off by herself to reflect on the meaning of this monstrous injustice in her society? Make her stop, throw fire at her! UNPAID EXTRA Instantly materializing huge amounts of fire, sir. DONALD SUTHERLAND enters. DONALD SUTHERLAND Good work, Wes. Its not much of a commentary on whatever the hell this movie is supposed to be a commentary on unless the kids all murder each other. You know the one thing more powerful than fear? Love? WES BENTLEY Anger? A bulldozer?

DONALD SUTHERLAND No, hope. And thats what we provide: hope that someday

your kid will murder your neighbors kid on television. Now if youll excuse me, I have to go shoot all my scenes for the sequels so I dont die before they can be made.

EXT. WOODS OF DESPAIR JENNIFER escapes a FOREST FIRE and runs into EVIL DICKFACE ALEXANDER LUDWIG, ISABELLE FUHRMAN, and JOSH HUTCHERSON. She climbs a tree to escape. ALEXANDER LUDWIG Grrr, cant tree climb! kill Katniss! Need

ISABELLE FUHRMAN Damn, I shot a single arrow at her and missed, were clearly bested! JOSH HUTCHERSON Why dont we just all sit out here and go to sleep for a while? No kidding, this appears to be my actual suggestion. ALEXANDER LUDWIG Good is sleep, Katniss killed tomorrow at! While they are SLEEPING, JENNIFER drops a nest of LSD BEES on them and ESCAPES. Unfortunately, shes allergic to BULLSHIT and hallucinates then passes out. Days later

AMANDLA STENBERG Hello, youve been asleep for two days in the middle of an arena filled with people who want to kill you, the most violent of which are within walking distance. Luckily, you were found by the one nice person in here, so I put some leaves on you. Want to team up? JENNIFER LAWRENCE Surely forming an alliance with the youngest and weakest participant will give me the edge I need, Ill do it. So where do the career tributes store their supplies? Probably up their stupid butts right, those guys are such dumb meanies. AMANDLA STENBERG They literally have a pyramid of supplies just down the river. Go check it out and Ill wait here so nothing terribly tragic happens to me. JENNIFER hides in the BUSHES and scopes out the SUPPLIES. notices theyre surrounded by another classic weapon of medieval times, LANDMINES. JENNIFER LAWRENCE Shit, what to do oh hey, are those apples?! Every time I shoot an arrow at an apple, something good happens to me! She shoots an APPLE, which causes all of the surrounding LANDMINES to simultaneously DETONATE, including the ones She

inexplicably buried directly underneath the CRUCIAL SUPPLIES! JENNIFER LAWRENCE Hey Rue, great news! There were apples to shoot! Suddenly, JACK QUAID shows up and chucks a spear at AMANDLA just as JENNIFER shoots him!

JACK QUAID WHAT?! Shes black!? This whole time, I was caring about a little BLACK girl!? With my last ounce of strength, I will register my racist fury on Twitter! JENNIFER LAWRENCE Rue, no! This is totally super sad, Im so gonna cry! AMANDLA STENBERG Katniss, I know weve only had one scene together, but will you sing me a lullaby even though it makes you extremely vulnerable to attack by the group of scumbags whose supplies you just destroyed? (dies) JENNIFER LAWRENCE Of course. Rock-a-bye tribute, dead on the floor, once this films out, my offers will soar JACK QUAID Hey, Im just another innocent

victim of circumstance, too. Having my own super sad death scene over here thanks to your arrow. Wanna come sing me a lullaby, too? No? I get to die an asshole? Cool. (dies) AMANDLAS DEATH causes a REVOLT back in DISTRICT 11.

DISTRICT 11 Boo, you killed Rue! We care exactly enough to riot when she dies, but not enough for anyone to volunteer to take her place when shes sent to die! Suddenly, STANLEY TUCCI speaks to the remaining tributes over a TREESPEAKER. STANLEY TUCCI (O.S.) Sudden rule change! If theres one thing that reality game show audiences love, its for the rules to shift during the game in order to favor particular contestants! As a result, its now possible for two tributes to win as long as they are from the same district and their names are Katniss and Peeta! JENNIFER LAWRENCE I have to find Peeta! But if hes successfully hiding from all of these professional

Hunger Games players, surely it will take me days to track him down. (accidentally steps on him) Oh, hey. Holy shit, where did you learn to paint your entire body to look like rocks? JOSH HUTCHERSON I decorate the cakes at the bakery, so

JENNIFER LAWRENCE You do a lot of special ops birthday parties? Whatever, we need to get you somewhere safer, away from the extremely obvious trail of blood youve left behind. They hide in a CAVE where the FILM EDITOR cannot seem to find them. JOSH HUTCHERSON Truly the war machine is a demented perversion, for what fair and just society would send their youngest to kill each other for the benefit of the rich and privileged? JENNIFER LAWRENCE You know, its kind of hard to represent the horrors of war in a PG-13 movie that cant actually show any horrors. JOSH HUTCHERSON Not to mention that most of the kids who are in more than

15 frames of the movie are pure evil incarnate. JENNIFER LAWRENCE Speaking of which, now that all of the other kids have been conveniently murdered or accidentally poisoned, its about time to go confront Cato.

JOSH HUTCHERSON Whats the rush? Im sure when its time for that something absurd will happen that forces OH MY GOD CGI DOGS ARE CHASING US! JENNIFER and JOSH run away from DOGS-ON-DEMAND and climb on top of a METAL THING. ALEXANDER LUDWIG Fight are dogs! Win of kill now! You not more alive! JENNIFER shoots him with an arrow and he FALLS INTO A DELETED SCENE. JENNIFER LAWRENCE Was that it? Did we just win? He wasnt even an apple. STANLEY TUCCI (O.S.) Sudden rule change! Just kidding about before. Kill each other. JENNIFER LAWRENCE

Dont let them change who we are, Peeta! Lets threaten to kill ourselves! They wont allow that, they have to have a winner! JOSH HUTCHERSON You realize they just unleashed 5 rabid CGI monster dogs on us that could have torn us all to shreds simultaneously and resulted in exactly that outcome, right?

STANLEY TUCCI (O.S.) Sudden rule change! Just kidding about kidding, you both win! JOSH HUTCHERSON Great, because Im completely in love with you, Jennifer! JENNIFER LAWRENCE And I am mrrfgle with you as well! DONALD SUTHERLAND Congratulations on your victory. Just be warned, Ill be keeping my beard on you. Shit, suddenly Ive realized it wasnt exactly a great master plan to force the people were subjugating to train their youngest and healthiest in deadly fighting techniques. Think thats going to come back and bite me in the ass?

JENNIFER LAWRENCE Im sure it will, assuming this movie makes enough money to justify the sequel. JOSH HUTCHERSON Are you kidding? Before settling on May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favor, this movies tagline was Your Friend Wont Shut Up About This Book So You Pretty Much Have To See It, Fuck You. The CAMERAMAN films this scene while riding a WATERSLIDE BACKWARDS. END