Ronald Nelson Almedia Speech 210 FINAL EXAM PAPER Interpersonal relationships are made everyday whether we realize

it or not. Some are good and some are bad but we form these as we communicate with those around us. Personally, I would like to analyze one particular relationship I had in the past that to this day I still struggle to understand. Some days I think it was a great relationship, other days I feel rescued now that its over. To analyze this bittersweet symphony of communication I will use essays Deception, Betrayal, and Aggression by John Stewart, Karen E. Zediker, and Saskia Witteborn, Message That Hurt by Anita L. Vangelisti, and Defensive Communication by Jack R. Gibb. Hopefully through this exploration I can shed some light on the unexplained phenomenon of love and its unending complexity. One of the major issues in my past relationship was trust. Both partners were morally good people but thats a relative idea Im sure you already know. The problem was, I viewed truth in one way and she viewed it another. I personally dont believe in half-truths/partial truths, tiny white lies, or withholding information. I support complete open honesty with 100% disclosure to avoid nasty surprises. If youre not up front from the beginning, its like false advertising in a sense. She on the other hand, believed in telling what she called, Her Truth, in what she believed was happening in a situation or how she viewed a scenario. When these two minds tackle a matter of truth the thought processes clearly will clash. Long story short, an incident occurred that challenged the integrity of my lover and rose a question of deception. After further research I came to the conclusion I was deceived and with this came consequences that I honestly was not ready to enforce.

Ronald Nelson Almedia Speech 210 In the Deception essay I read, Once deception has been detected by or revealed to a relational partner, the consequences expand and are almost universally negative. Until people discover that someone has lied to them, they generally operate from a truth bias, that is, a basic belief that the other communicator is telling the truth. This state quickly changes to a lie bias once deception is revealed. Even after the incident happened we tried to make things work but with a lie bias now in my mindset it was hard to operate. Consequently, since trust was an issue in the relationship now. The way we related to one another changed, especially in verbal communication. I admit I was a bit more moody in a sense. I would make condescending and sarcastic remarks towards her on days I couldnt shake the memory of deceit. It was a defense mechanism of dealing with the stress of loving someone so much but having to work so hard to trust them. Our communication suffered greatly and we began exchanging messages that hurt. According to Anita L. Vangelistis article on Messages That Hurt the impact a message can have on a relationship often depends on how close the relationship is. If you take my lie bias into account my condescending statements towards her were much more hurtful to her and damaged our communication distancing us as a couple. In turn we discover that hurt is a socially elicited emotion; people hurt because of their interpersonal behavior of others. Because feelings of hurt are elicited through social interaction, words can hurt both individuals and relationships. So in retrospect, the phrase, Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me is far from true.

Ronald Nelson Almedia Speech 210 With our communication and trust both in states of emergency it wouldnt be long before we finally separated. Now we were both operating on bias speech and hurtful messages. Consequently, this resulted in a lot of defensive communication. Defense arousal prevents the listener from concentrating upon the message. So we spent more time focusing on the hurt and being led by our ill emotions towards one another while steadily still wanting to get back the trusting honeymoon phase of our relationship. At this point now we had rebuttals for every comment we exchanged and things even trickled into the relationships with our friends. She was known to confide in her other female friends when we werent doing well. I believed this was detrimental to our relationship. We need to communicate to alleviate our problems, but since our communication was lacking it was a lost cause. She would lash out at me after seeing her friends and the terrible advice that they would give her. She desired empathy from them and they all fed into the perception of how she viewed the relationship. Overall, after analyzing the relationship I see my error with even settling with such an unstable candidate. She was immature, untrustworthy and a bad communicator. I wasnt perfect but I put in extreme efforts to be accepting, forgiving, and honest. Looking back I feel I have survived a heavily abusive relationship and learned a lot from it. I recommend being friends much longer with someone before you choose to date them and try your best to abstain from sex before you truly get to know a person. It wont prevent you from having problems in a relationship but your judgment wont be as clouded.

Ronald Nelson Almedia Speech 210 Always remember to stay open and honest. Communicate truthfully, mindfully, and with compassion. Seek first to understand before being understood and always operate to move a relationship forward in a positive direction. It wont be easy, and you may face adversities, but nothing worth fighting for is easyespecially not love.