Feature: Into The Heart of Darkness; In the face of the flood of South Africans coming to London, one young

Brit decides to swim against the tide to Durban...

You know, I used to think all South Africans were tossers. Not in a mild, 'not really my cup of tea, old china' way, but in a full blown 'these people are irredeemable scum' way. I don't think I can really be blamed for it, though. I mean, I'd met a lot of them, all over the world, and they all seemed pretty similar. And I think you'd agree, too; after all, this was around the turn of the millennium, and all the South Africans that left the country around then left because, ah, they were upset at the change in the sociopolitical climate. You know what I mean. Anyway, it all changed with a new denizen that entered the squalid north London warehouse I eventually inhabited. She was cool; so cool, in fact, that between herself and a fellow gorgeous South African friend of hers, I came round to thinking maybe they weren't all unconscionable bastards, after all. So I decided that hell, I needed to be out of England, South Africa was the place for me. This is the bit that seems to universally confuse the natives. When people realise that I'm a foreigner on the reverse migration - that I've come from teeming, cosmopolitan, London to crime-, corruption-, and disease-ridden SA, they look at me like Im a mental patient. Well, Id have to be, right? The idea that anyone could want to live here certainly seems insane to a lot of South Africans. It doesnt seem that crazy to me, though. I figure, everywhere you go, there's some shit you have to put up with. Sure, some places have more of the good stuff, but theres always something that makes you hate where you are. It all comes down to what you can live with, what you cant live with, and what you can't live without. Londons got the best gigs, drugs, parties, bookshops, theatre, whatever else you want; but after a year of constant adventure, I had a flash of insight, and realised that you need all these things to distract you from what an utterly, unremittingly depressing a place it really is. Careful, clinical greenery, orange skies at night, beer at R40 a pint, and the oh-so-London feeling of getting on the tube and breathing through someone's armpit for half an hour every morning. You can get whatever you want, but you need a lot of stuff to distract you from the faceless, unfriendly masses hovering everywhere you go. Here, nothing ever happens; but when life is this good, who cares? The sun shines, the food is good, the stars come out at night and the view from my porch is over a lush tropical valley. And people even talk to each other! Without even knowing each

other first or anything! Sure, there's crime, but Ive lived in places in London where its worse than where I live here. And I might not be able to get everything I want, but I get what I need, in spades. At first, I thought, maybe a year or two, get my PhD underway, then retreat to some leafy English university town, safe among the health service and the dole. Now, though; now, I see theres no hurry. And hell, right now, history is in the making; the biggest political change since 94 is in the wind, and when people talk about it, Ill be able to say I was there. What more could you ask? http://www.flickr.com/photos/plasticbag/216828705/ http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Rain_at_Greenwich,_London.jpg http://roadsofstone.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/suburbia-croydon-england-rain-byhomemade-flickr.jpg http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Durban_skyline.jpg http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Durban_TownHall.jpg http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Durban_anstey.jpg

News (1): Zuma preaches peace, love for one another. So I wander onto campus one day a few weeks ago, and theres an eerie hush over the place. The parking lots are filled with cars, but there doesnt seem to be anyone about. The reason, I soon discover, is that Zuma is on campus, mere days after paralysing the area with floods of supporters ready to kill for Zuma. Outside the student union, there was drumming and dancing, and crowds of people gathering every place that might afford a glimpse of the great man. Eventually, in he rolls, in a motorcade and surrounded by a mob of burly security men. Anticipating a show, I take up position by the giant screen in the ref. After a very boring introductory speaker, JZ rises, and begins to talk of peace, and the brothership of men, and solidarity, and non-racialism, and... well, frankly, I gave up at that point. I mean, its not even like he was getting excited about it; in fact, I was sorely disappointed at how dull his performance was. I mean, hes a politician, right? Even if youre talking complete crap that you blatantly dont believe, you could at least say it with conviction. It turns out he was here to inaugurate the Gandhi-Luthuli chair of peace studies, apparently; another coup for the administration... Cartoon attached not sure about licensing.

News (2) Quantum Durban, city of the future Now, quantum encryption is ultra hi-tech sci-fi stuff. Theoretically unbreakable (at least by any known modes of computation), its been in development funded mostly by the military and big banks, the kind of people youd expect to have an interest in unbreakable codes for years. Til now, Id only ever heard of it being theoretical, it being a bit tricky to use quantum superpositions and transmit information in quantum states. However, Durban, city of sewage coated beaches and burning buses, has introduced just such a system, to link two clinics and a fire station together. And the reason for this apparently insane act? Its all very sensible, you see. Mike Sutcliffe, the city manager, says its to create jobs for quantum physics in industry. I mean, weve all seen them, hanging on street corners in their ragged lab coats, with their little signs saying will do high-energy maths for money, food. Anyone would think he had something to hide...

Images; http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_5MOvkP1zD8k/RoLeRRqJCPI/AAAAAAAAAJk/Uk58pWT3yjY/s1 600/quantum2.jpg http://cuanas.blogspot.com/2007_02_01_archive.html (search for quantum on the page, youll see the picture I mean) http://www.dailygalaxy.com/my_weblog/images/2007/09/06/quantum_computing_inte rnet_3.jpg

News (3) Shamelessly corrupt? Moi? Durban has, for a little while now, been subtly grinding to a halt. The buses arent running, you see. Remant Alton, the company that bought all the buses and the service routes for R70m in 2003, recently sold all the buses back to the council for a princely R405m (presumably they put nitro chargers in them or some such). After not being paid, not being put on contracts, and the like, 1000 bus drivers rather sensibly go on strike. During this strike, 19 buses have been set on fire, and the roughly 50,000 who use the buses every day left stranded. Now, there is a simple solution for this. The city has already promised to divide routes among smaller operators; RA has even asked the city to do it. However, the city refuses to release RA from contract, since they havent budgeted for it. Pure strategic genius, boys.

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