The Constitution of the Calling of Shotgun There comes a time when disorder must be resolved: when disagreement and

ambiguity must be brought to a field of accurate discernment. Far too many times have the discussion of who gets the honor and the privilege to sit in the front row of the automobile, alongside the driver. Being that the days where the best shooter gets this illustrious position have passed, a new set of rules must be put into order. These are those rules. In order to decide how shotgun must be decided, the following must be followed: Article 1: The only appropriate manner of calling shotgun (the front passenger seat of any automobile) is by audibly and clearly proclaiming shotgun in the appropriate language and accent of the locale. It can only be a valid proclamation if the driver is present and other passengers are outside in the general vicinity. Note: in this document, trip refers to the amount of travel from the departure of one of the passengers domestic shelter to the arrival at the same or another passengers (or to-be passengers) domestic shelter, no matter what events occur in between. Note from the note: Domestic shelter refers to whatever a person may live in, including house, duplex, apartment, hotel, or large box. Article 2: Men, please uphold knightly chivalry: even if a man calls shotgun, if a woman claims that she wants shotgun, the man must shamelessly allow her the position. Dont be a prick. Article 3: Shotgun may only be called outside in the same periphery, eyeshot, or parking lot as the vehicle. You chodes cannot be hasty. Article 4: When 2 people of the same gender call shotgun simultaneously, it is up to the drivers discretion who shall rightfully be allowed into the position. When a man and a woman call shotgun simultaneously, the woman chivalrously receives it. Article 5: The driver has full authority to veto any calling of shotgun and pick whoever he or she deems worthy. The driver is the head of their own vehicle. However, to always pick would make he or she a big buttmunch. It is recommended that the driver only vetoes if he or she is strongly opposed to the proclaimer of shotgun.

Article 6: No matter how fast one may be at proclaiming shotgun, they may not have it more than twice consecutively, nor more than half of the amount of rides per trip. Article 7: It is mandatory that a driver keeps a copy of this Constitution in their glovebox at all times: it is to be referred to in order to resolve any conflicts concerning the Articles or fairness of the calling shotgun. Article 8: Counter-calls (including Rosa Parks, Mulligan, and Move your ass are not allowed by other passengers. Article 9: As implied, boyfriends, girlfriends, fiancs, fiances, husbands, wives, and mistresses get first dibs to shotgun.

Article 10: The Door Handle Clause If, before anyone has proclaimed shotgun, someone has their hand on the door handle of the passenger seat of the correct vehicle, he or she has the position of shotgun, and only the driver can revoke the bestowment. Article 11: Filibustering for shotgun, though may be done well, hilariously, or a combination of the two, will not be constructive to the cause unless it truly emotional or philosophically moves the driver. Most likely, you will just waste everyones time. For nothing. Just sit in the back. Written by Joseph Fisher With direction from Caleb Fisher, David Abad, Jesse Blakely, and Kathy Ngo