Un|vers|dad Uc|nf

Lngllsh edagogy
oqllsb lbooetlcs ooJ lboooloqy. 5opto-seqmeotol, 5ecooJ 1etm 2012

Breaking Speech into Units: The Superlative Vacuum Cleaner
(Adapted from: Case, D. & Wilson, K. (1995). English Sketches: Sketches from the English Teaching Theatre, Intermediate Level. UK: Heinemann Publishers.)
This sketch was first performed in 1974, prompted by the idea that praising the qualities of something when selling it is
a useful context in which to demonstrate the use of superlative adjectives. Since the word superlative can itself be used
to indicate high praise, it seemed an appropriate brand name for the vacuum cleaner being sold. The script given in
here is almost exactly as the stage version.
Assignment Instructions:
This sketch will be presented orally in the future session in English Phonetics and Phonology: Suprasegments. Find a
partner to work with and practice the following dialogue with one of you doing one part and your friend the other. When
presenting it, it is absolutely possible to read out the dialogue. The most important objective in here is to practice
intonation in context, a funny context. Divide the written version into speech units. Follow indications of your teacher
and your understanding of breath units. Once the whole script has been divided into suitable and appropriate units,
then it is time to start practising the dialogues and pauses and actions and everything to produce this orally in front of
your students and teacher. This assignment will be evaluated considering the Rubrics for presentations. For further
information related to this assignment, dont hesitate to ask me through any via that suits you best. When practising
this, keep in mind the ACTIONS fragments that indicate what happens before speech comes in. For purposes of the
acting and the fun element, I strongly recommend you to keep the action fragments in mind. Words in bold are to be
stressed and, therefore, uttered with more prominence in order for the message to be passed across, or its the case
that you have pronounce such bold words/phrases using an ironical tone of voice.
Scene: A Hall of a house
Characters:
A vacuum cleaner salesman (S)
A housewife (H)

Actions The salesman rings the doorbell several times...ring...ring...ring...ring...
H: Yes, Im coming.
Actions She opens the door.
H: Good morning.
S: Good morning, young lady. Is your mother in?
H: My mother? Im the mother in this house. What do you want?
S: Dust, madam.
H: Dust?
S: Yes, madam. Dust.
H: Dust? I havent got any dust.
S: Oh yes you have!
Actions He shakes dust onto the floor from a paper bag.
S: All over your carpet!
H: Hey! Ive just cleaned this carpet! Why are you putting dust all over it?
S: Dont worry, madam. Ive got the answer to all your problems here! The superlative vacuum cleaner!
H: The Superlative vacuum cleaner! Whys it called Superlative?
S: Because, madam, everything about it is superlative. Its the quickest, the cleanest, the cheapest, the
smallest, the smartest, the most economical, the most effective, the most beautiful, the most
revolutionary vacuum cleaner in the world. And its only 65.
H: Are you trying to sell me a vacuum cleaner?
S: Yes, madam.
Un|vers|dad Uc|nf
Lngllsh edagogy
oqllsb lbooetlcs ooJ lboooloqy. 5opto-seqmeotol, 5ecooJ 1etm 2012

H: Well, go on, then
S: Ive finished, madam.
H: Finished? You havent said very much. What sort of vacuum cleaner salesman are you?
S: Not a very good one, Im afraid.
H: I can see that.
S: No, Im a very bad vacuum cleaner salesman. In fact, Im the worst salesman in our company.
H: The worst?
S: The worst. I sometimes think Im the worst vacuum cleaner salesman in the world.
H: Oh, dear. Do you...like your job?
S: Like my job? No, madam. I detest my job. Its the most boring job in the world. Every day its the same:
Good morning, young lady. Is your mother in?...The Superlative vacuum cleaner...the quickest, the
cleanest, the cheapest, the smallest...
H: Well, is it the quickest?
S: No, its probably the slowest.
H: Is it the cleanest?
S: Cleanest? Dont make me laugh! I dont think theres a dirtier vacuum cleaner on the market. And it
certainly isnt the cheapest either.
H: No, no. No. This is not good at all.
S: Pardon?
H: Look, do you want to sell this vacuum cleaner or dont you?
S: I suppose so.
H: Well, your sales technique is all wrong.
S: Is it?
H: Yes. I could sell vacuum cleaners better than you.
S: No, you couldnt.
H: Yes, I could. Ill show you. You come into the house, and Ill ring the bell and sell the vacuum cleaner to
you.
S: Youll sell the vacuum cleaner to me?
H: Yes.
S: OK. But it isnt as easy as you think.
H: Well see. Go inside and shut the door.
S: All right.
Actions
The salesman goes into the house and closes the door. The housewife rings the bell. The
salesman opens the door.
S: Not today, thank you
Actions
He closes the door. The housewife rings the bell again. The salesman opens the door again, and
speaks in a high voice.
S: Yes?
H: Hello!
S: Hello.
H: My goodness me, what a beautiful house youve got!
S: Ooh, do you like it?
H: Like it? Its the most beautiful house Ive seen for a long time.
S: Thank you very much.
H: May I come in?
S: Er...
H: Thank you. Oh, what a colourful carpet!
S: Yes its lovely, isnt it?
Un|vers|dad Uc|nf
Lngllsh edagogy
oqllsb lbooetlcs ooJ lboooloqy. 5opto-seqmeotol, 5ecooJ 1etm 2012

H: Its the most colourful carpet Ive seen for ages. I should think it was very expensive.
S: The most expensive one in the shop.
H: And I suppose youve got a very good vacuum cleaner to look after it.
S: A vacuum cleaner? No, I havent
H: You havent got a vacuum cleaner?
S: No.
H: Well, madam, this is your lucky day, because I have here the best vacuum cleaner that money can buy:
The Superlative vacuum cleaner.
S: Is it really good?
H: Good? Good? Its the... the...
S: (in his own voice)...Quickest...
H: ...the quickest...the...
S: Cleanest.
H: ...the cleanest, the cheapest, the smallest, the smartest, the most economical, the most effective, the
most beautiful, the most revolutionary vacuum cleaner in the world.
S: (in a high voice again)...Ooh! How much is it?
H: Just 65 to you, madam.
S: Ill buy one.
H: Good.
S: (in his own voice)er...wheres the money?
H: Its in my handbag on the kitchen table.
S: Oh, right (In the high voice again). Ill just go and get some money.
Actions He goes to the kitchen to get the money.
H: Good idea, madam. Youve made the right decision.
S: Do you know, youre a fantastic saleswoman.
H: Ooh!
S: Youve got a fantastic sales technique.
H: Do you think so?
S: Yes, youve got the best sales technique Ive seen all day.
H: Thank you!
S: Thank you, madam.
Actions He leaves and closes the door.
S: (Speaking to himself, counting the money) Ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, sixty, sixty-five. Now, thats the
way to sell a vacuum cleaner.