The Casting Couch by Micah Moses

Godsofold@hotmail.com WGA#1379470

FADE IN: INT. RODNEY TOES HOME OFFICE - DAY RODNEY TOE (30), is a frumpy, dark skinned man with an uncombed little afro. He sits at his computer typing away, straining to see over his glasses. His wife LUCINDA, a mid 30s heavy set black woman, walks in on him. Shes not happy. LUCINDA I thought you were gonna look for a job today Rodney? Rodney spins around in his chair to face her. RODNEY I was, but I have to change some dialogue in this script first. LUCINDA Not this crap again. RODNEY Lucinda weve got a real good chance this time, if we can just find our lead actors by close of business today well get the money... LUCINDA ...who would be dumb enough to give you money? RODNEY Michaels partner said he would... LUCINDA You need to get up off your ass and find a REAL job. RODNEY Lucinda, Im 32 years old... LUCINDA ...which is exactly why you need to get out there now. Im tired of carrying you and this stupid dream. Its been one last project for the past ten years. You got a pile of screenplays in here and nothings ever happened with them. Time to move on okay?.

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RODNEY Yknow for once I just want to feel like Ive really accomplished something with what Ive written. Just to see it produced or published... LUCINDA ...when you gonna realize that you aint gonna make it Rodney? You aint a writer. RODNEY Yes Lucinda, Im just trying... She laughs. LUCINDA ...dont give me that yes Lucinda crap. She hands him the manila envelope. He tears it open. RODNEY Divorce papers?! LUCINDA Well you wanted to accomplish something. So accomplish getting your shit out by the end of the day! Time to sink or swim Rodney! She cackles loudly and walks off.

FADE OUT. FADE IN. EXT. MICHAELS CONDO - MORNING Rodney knocks on the door. Still no answer as Everest silently walks up behind him. He watches Rodney for a moment then clears his throat loudly. Rodney jumps and farts... the back of his pants blow out. He spins to see Everest whos eyes are wide in disbelief. EVEREST Did you just poop your pants?

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RODNEY Please dont tell anybody. I have this thing when I get startled or nervous... EVEREST ...crapping yourself? RODNEY Not always, but I carry an extra pair of pants in case. I was hoping I wouldnt have to use them until later. EVEREST You know they have diapers for that. RODNEY Theyre too bulky but they are good for a double blow out. He points to his rear, then his crotch. RODNEY I really need to change before Chamille sees me. EVEREST You must be Rodney. Rodney nods. RODNEY Youre Everest? Rodney puts his hand out to shake. Everest takes a slow step backward. RODNEY My therapist says I should try and connect no matter the occasion. EVEREST Is that sound advise right now? Rodney pulls the digital recorder out of his pocket and lowers his head. He checks his watch then speaks low into the recorder.

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RODNEY 6:20 a.m. Startled into full rectal evacuation which I didnt appreciate. Um... cut back on cream corn, increase fiber intake... and Kegels. Rodney and Everest stand there looking at each other. Rodney eyeballs Everests deep purple crushed velvet jacket, meticulously combed hair and manicured nails. Finally he stares at Everests man purse. Rodney clicks his recorder back on... RODNEY Amendment: Everest looks like a homosexual lounge pimp. EVEREST You do realize that Im standing right in front of you. RODNEY Yes. EVEREST And I can hear what youre saying. Chamille and Bobby walk up and stop. They take in the odd stance between the two men. CHAMILLE Rodney? Everest? Everything okay? Neither man answers. CHAMILLE Did you two meet already? RODNEY Hi Chamille. Michaels not answering. Ive been knocking for like 10 minutes. BOBBY Did you try turning the door knob? Rodney lifts his recorder... RODNEY My over sight was pointed out by the actor. Bobbys the red shirt today, make sure to send him on frequent away missions.

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Bobby walks past Rodney and grabs the door knob. BOBBY Wow. Do you guys smell that? RODNEY What, the poop? BOBBY Yeah. RODNEY No. Bobby walks inside. Everest and Chamille follow. CUT TO: INT. MICHAELS LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS They all stand together as Rodney excuses himself to go to the bathroom. He slowly backs into the rest room and closes the door. BOBBY You guys dont smell that? EVEREST Chamille. CHAMILLE Everest. EVEREST How long have you known... Rodney? CHAMILLE At least a year before you and I worked at the theatre. Why? EVEREST Very strange is all. A little eclectic? CHAMILLE Rodneys bipolar. Trust me, hes harmless and you get used to it. EVEREST You could have told me that before hand.

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Rod comes back out. He stands there looking at the group. The group stands there looking at him. RODNEY I wouldnt use that toilet. Someone clogged it with a pair of pants. EVEREST This is going to be a painfully long and miserable day. CHAMILLE Lets go find Michael. (MORE)