Marlow Canoe Club

Newsletter 137 Autumn 2012

www.marlowcc.org.uk

3 Safe paddling in high water levels 4 Olympic sprint canoe

INSIDE YOUR AUTUMN 2012 ISSUE

Traffic lights on the water. Whatever next, roundabouts? Some timely advice from your chairman reprinted. Men and women from all round the globe congregate to paddle boats very fast in straight lines on a mythical lake, all to the nondulcet accompaniment of Captain Jack from Doctor Who. A bunch of whitenecks and monolingual vandals spy a perfect opportunity to infiltrate and sabotage a foreign hydro electric facility. Love and marriage go together like a horse and canoe. Finally, the mystical secret is revealed. Abra abra cadabra, I wanna reach out and grab ya! The Space Cowboy can get himself a canoe and so can you. How committed is your committee? Enough to talk about helmets without giggling, and Newtonian mechanics without falling asleep. Directory enquiries, who needs them? Well we all still do, but not for committee members and local paddling shops. Because the newsletter is a bit late, it has been necessary to fill the blank space left in the page by a shortened calendar. Oh dear.

6 Great white river

12 Canoepedia

13 How to book a boat

14 The Old Boys Club

15 Committee members & Retailers 16 Calendar

In the last newsletter I lamented the dismal start to summer and wondered if the rain would ever stop falling. As we now know the rain did eventually stop but not long enough to prevent Summer being the worst most of us sunworshippers can remember. However, lady luck usually falls on Marlow Canoe Club, and that was mostly true this summer, notably with the inland tours organised by Andy Maxted (more on those in the Winter newsletter) but also usually with our club sessions. A whitewater article dominates this autumn edition of your newsletter. That is unusual these days where most people, myself included, generally think that online video streaming is the best way to appreciate the fun and frolics of white water trips. But Chris Porteouss article proves that words and whitewater can indeed go together.. sometimes. But what do you think? Take a look and post a comment on the yahoo group or the scribd site. We are coming up soon to it being a couple years with yours truly as editor and I think it is worth reviewing if the newsletter is serving the needs of all the rank and file members. The committee has also agreed to discuss this subject and make some decisions at the AGM in early 2013 so be prepared to have your say. But that is next year. Until then it is business as usual and you will have to continue to put up with the lowbrow format and, worst of all, the terrible joke on the back page.

EDITORIAL

COVER PHOTO

Rodney Casbierd, Editor.

A little legal stuff....

The cover photograph for this newsletter was supplied by John Norris and is entitled "Rob on his way to a successful LVWWC legacy assessment".

This newsletter is a free publication for the Marlow Canoe Club.

Whilst every care is taken, the newsletter and the Marlow Canoe Club do not accept respons ibility for the opinions expressed or the goods and services mentioned in this publication. 2012.

Safe paddling in high water levels

SAFETY by Adrian Cooper

Members are reminded to take extra care at times of high water levels and high flow speeds. After an unusually long period of relative benign river conditions, the heavy rain in the summer of 2012 caused the river level to rise and catch out some of our newer members.

Duty Officers duties do not extend to being responsible for club sessions on the water so members attending need to ensure they are operating in a safe manner.

A large group during a club session will probably want to divide into smaller groups, some maybe using the weir whilst others venture up or downstream. Groups should ensure they have at least an experienced paddler with them to assist in a safely planned trip and then advise the Duty Officer of their intentions. A helpful guide for a group is the traffic light system operated by the Marlow rowing club on the other side of the Thames. When their light is at amber, they are recommending only experienced rowers venture out. When the light is red, they are instructing that no rowers be on the water. For canoeists, we are usually able to cope with the more difficult water but we do need to be more aware. If the light is red, novice paddlers should really not be on the water since they will not have the necessary control to avoid hazards. Fast flowing water can be very dangerous and inexperienced paddlers may be surprised how difficult it can be to make progress paddling back upstream. A tip for paddlers trying to make headway upstream in fast water is to keep close to the banks, paddle on the inside of bends in the river and make use of the slacker water behind obstacles. Be safe out there.

COMPETITION

Olympic sprint canoe

by Rodney Casbierd

The date is Monday 6th August 2012, it is day one of the Olympic Canoe Sprint at Dorney Lake, and your editor has a ticket. Actually it is the only London 2012 ticket that I was granted out of the basketful that I applied for but, never mind, at least it is for a sport that I am involved with and it is on the doorstep.

I stroll into the venue, using the Dorney entrance used mostly by local cyclists and pedestrians, and someone welcomes me to Eton Dorney. For a moment I am disoriented, and wonder if I am in the wrong place. Dont you mean Dorney Rowing Lake, I ask, to which my smiling greeter responds, Oh, thats funny, a lot of people have been saying that this morning. Hmmm. After being stripsearched and having my urine analysed for traces of high ex plosive, I proceed from the security checkpoint to the banks of the lakes. And there I see a sight so bizarre and alien that I am forced to perform a double take. Is that what I think it is? Could it really be?

But yes indeed, there really is a boat on Dorney Lake. In fact there are several, kayaks and ca noes all out practising. All these years that I have cycled and walked my fleabitten mutt around this lake and not once have I seen any kind of boat upon it, until now. Amazing. Well, not really, but you take my point. During the 2 km hike to my seat in the main stands, I pass up on the opportunity to buy an official Olympic pen for six quid. I also pass up on buying either a day or full pro gramme when I notice that neither have much to say about todays events or paddling at all. The programme seller in stead gives me a free starting list summary, which is all I really need. On arrival at the spectator stands I am relieved to note that the water dispensers are also free.

My seat in the stands is not by the start line but is still reasonably close and is at least directly op posite the big screen, so that I can see closeups, replays and the results tables. The commentat or is a rather overenthusiastic American chap, whose name I forget, but he sounds exactly like John Barrowman and is just as irritating. John tells us that there has been a frenzy of activity over the weekend to convert the course from one used for rowing to the one we have now for paddling. But he is a bit thin on the details of what actually happened, and that kind of set the scene for the quality of his commentary thereafter.

So what of the action on the lake, I hear John Norris shout. Well, this was just the first day and there were no finals, but I can assure you there was still plenty of paddlepower action to report.

There were five races for the mens singles kayak (MK1) 1000m culminating in the semifi nals. Our hero Tim Brabants did well to finish fourth in his semifinal in 3 minutes 30.769 seconds, just 0.049 seconds ahead of the Bul garian Miroslav Kirchev, and hence qualify for the final. Tim has suffered from injury and ill ness over the past year or so and this had clearly affected his performance, requiring true grit and determination to get him through. But

a couple of days later Tim would finish last in the final, with the gold medal going to the Dane, Ei rik Larsen.

COMPETITION

It was also quite blowy and after a few races it was already clear that the westerly wind blowing across the lake was putting eastbank competitors in lanes 1 and 2 at a disadvantage. It seemed a shame that after 4 years of preparation, luck could be so influential on the results. Next up were the mens singles canoe (MC1) 1000m. Once again, five races spread over the morning, with British interest resting with Richard Jefferies. Richard made it through his heat but finished last in the semifinal in a time of 4 minutes 50 seconds. That was over 58 seconds behind the semifinal winner. These were the only canoe events on the day and the sight of these boats was aweinspiring. How these guys keep the things balanced was beyond me, some truly incredible skill was on display. And, judging from the pad dling technique, I imagine that it puts a lot of stress on the thigh and buttock muscles. Ouch! The gold medal in this event would even tually be won by Sebastian Brendel of Germany.

Certainly not to be outdone by the chaps, the women kayak sprinters also put on a good display in the 500m fours (WK4) events. Male paddling first became an official Olympic event in the contro versial 1936 Munich games, ultimately leading to the second World War. Following the end of hostilities, female paddlers were finally granted equal access in the 1948 London games and we have avoided World War ever since. But I digress. There were two heats and one semifinal, with the four British women of Walker, Cawthorn, Hannah and Sawers finishing in fourth place to qualify for the final in which they would eventually finish fifth. Hun gary again took the gold medal in this event.

Then we had the male pairings in the kayak (MK2) 1000m. John Barrowman informed us that the key skill here was for the couple to paddle with a similar technique. You could clearly see evidence of this with the ten year old German pairing of Hollstein and Ihle being able to paddle at a faster speed with a slower stroke rate than the newer Australian paring of Smith and Wal lace. There were no British competitors in this event and the gold medal eventually went to the Hungarian couple, Dombi and Kokeny, with the aforementioned Germans taking bronze.

And that was that. The end of the day's competition and time for me to leave Dorney and make use of the Travelcard that London 2012 had kindly supplied, to make a day of it up town. Until Rio then..

WHITEWATER

Great White River

by Chris Porteous

"Help!" Its not something I have ever felt the urge to shout while on a river, but sitting half submerged under a siphoning rock, clinging on to the top of the rock as best I could with my gloved hands, it took a lot of self restraint not to yell for help. Its not really the best way to start a trip down a brand new, undocumented river.

We had found the river the previous day while driving through a small hamlet nestling in the heart of the French Alps. As kayakers tend to do, we stopped as we drove across a small bridge to look at what was below. Not being aware of any guidebook sections in the area, we expected to see a rock strewn ditch with little paddling interest. However after lazily stepping out of the cars and looking over the dilapidated stone walls of the bridge, what we saw was far more exciting clear blue water rushing over granite boulders forming a enticing grade 3/4 boulder garden winding off up a steep wooded valley. It was five in the afternoon and we had finished our paddling for the day, but were immediately intrigued by this river which didn't even get a mention in the "other rivers" section of our new guidebook. A quick consultation with TomTom showed that there was a heavily switch backed road which eventually rejoined the river valley a couple of km upstream. Having finished boating for the day, we decided to spin the car around and have an explore up the valley.

After a km or so we started losing hope of anything runable lying up the valley we had been driving up impossible switchbacks which required 3point turns simply to get around and gained a worrying amount of altitude. However eventually the road flattened out a bit and we hung out of the windows (literally!), craning our necks to try and spot the river far below in the deep, wooded valley. Apart from being nice and cooling in the 30degC heat, hanging out the windows eventually paid off when rounding a corner we caught a glimpse of the azure water of the river below. Far from the terrifying boulder choked rapids that we were expecting, what we actually saw was flowing rock gardens and slides which (albeit from 150ft up) looked as if they went at about grade 4. Excitement building again, we continued up the road, but the thick forest swallowed the river again. Finally, about another 2km up the road we caught sight of what looked like a horizontal jet of water through the trees. 'Uhoh, that doesn't look good'. We couldnt really see much , but horizontal water normally means one thing hydroelectric schemes. 'It figures, this river has quite some gradient on it' I thought. Seeing as we were up for a bit of an explore, we abandoned the car and bushwhacked through the forest in the rough direction of the water we had seen. After rather a lot of sliding, ducking and swearing we eventually got down to the river. 'Wow.' The river fell away downstream in the most amazing looking G4/5 rapids I had seen since being in Val Sesia a couple of years ago.

WHITEWATER

Looking upstream, we could see what had caught our eyes a funny house like structure over the river with thick jet of water erupting from close to the left bank. 'Micro hydro.'

This river looked too good to miss, so after even more swearing, we reassembled back at the road to discuss our options. "Its been 2km since we last saw the river there could be tonnes of those hydro systems down there." Nick, unusually being the voice of reason had a pretty good point hydros strike fear into any river boater and even gungho Mike agreed it would be unwise to get on the river being so far away from the road. We slowly drove back down the valley and about 750m downstream saw a meadow which looked like it went quite close to the river, so we pulled over into a small layby and set off on foot again. Once again, arriving at the river, we were greeted with sinuous looking G4 rapids winding down the mountain and then flowing abruptly around a corner into a gorge. 'Why isn't this river described its amazing!' "We can do this everything we have seen looks brilliant" Mike said in his typically enthusiastic way. I had to agree, the river looked just too good to miss. The concern was the fact that over the space of 4/5km, we had seen the river 3 times not exactly the best bit of scouting ever!

We slowly made our way back down the insane switchbacks, to the campsite eagerly talking about what may or may not be on the river and how we could run it safely. The ultimate decision was that we needed more information. Happily in the world of WiFi networks, our little, out the way campsite had high speed Internet! After grabbing some grub, we sat down on the campsite lounger chairs with some beers (or lemonade for me :) ) and set about finding out what we could. Google, UK Rivers Guidebook and the German equivalent failed us however there was absolutely no information on this river. Luckily, Titi, the owner of the local rafting company happened to live in a caravan on the site, so we decided to have a chat with him. "Parlezvous Anglais?" "Oui, a little." "Have you paddled the river up the valley by your raft centre?" "... Pardon?". Oh, this could be interesting! "Have... you... paddled... the... river... [with various gesticulations!]" "Ah, non, very risky water. You need to get out.". Ok, so it has some difficult rapids which need scouting on foot. "Is it ever paddled?" "Ummm... maybe every few years, yes"

Excellent so its hard, but does go. However, still puzzled as to why we couldn't find anything and wanting more info, we resorted to heightmaps and satellite imagery. Here was our first clue as to why we couldnt find any information on the satellite photos, the river looked completely dry. Crucially, we could see that the contours were moderately constant and there wasn't any other hydro buildings. 'Maybe this river needs really high levels [which we had at the time] to run. We could have lucked out here and be able to paddle something that is rarely possible here!'

WHITEWATER

8
In the rather faffy fashion which was typical of our trip at this point, we didn't manage to pack up camp until about 10:30 the next morning, but we had all cemented our determination to do this river overnight, so organised a shuttle with other Chris (who didn't want to paddle it being a big water boater as opposed to a creek boater) and set off back to the meadow that we had found the previous evening. It didn't take us long to kit up, do the obligatory bit of videoing and photography and hike down to the river.

In our excitement we latched onto this as a plausible explanation, not considering (or maybe ignoring) another far more sinister possibility.

"Lets make absolutely sure that we have an escape route on this no paddling round blind bends or into gorges too high for us to climb out of." Both Nick and I had been thinking exactly the same thing, but it was nice to know that Mike was on the same page. "Who's going to go down to the eddy at the gorge entrance then?" "Rock, paper scissors?!" Nick suggested (last time he made that suggestion, he lost and broke his back a few minutes and one 40ft waterfall later!) "Maybe not! You guys know how to rig climbing ropes, I'll go down" Mike suggested. We both watched him style the line round a snaking grade 4 rapid and boof ledge, landing cleanly in the eddy. A quick glance round the corner and he smiled and waved us down. 'Yes! We are doing this!'

By time we made the eddy, Mike was on the bank downstream, scouting the next drop. This looked like a "sporting" grade 4 rocky slide into a big pool with a tricky dogleg move at the top. Nick said that he wasn't really feeling the line and was going to walk. Fair enough start of a river, rocky line. However Mike and I thought it went, so Mike hopped back in his boat and bombed down the rapid perfectly. I gave my throw line to Nick and jumped back into my boat.

Its funny, when you are psyching yourself up for a rapid, all your brain is focusing on the line you need, what strokes you want and how fun it will be. I didn't really give much thought to the fact that I was in a new boat which didn't have the line holding performance of my beloved Pyranha Burn. Nor did I notice the telltale tiny cushion wave sitting on a deep flow of

WHITEWATER

water hitting the rock right next to where I was about to launch. Normally I would have instantly seen the siphon and given it a wide berth, but this time I didn't. Instead I pulled my deck on, hit the record button on my helmet cam cam and gave the thumbs up to Nick standing below. I slid into the flow, heading for the eddy the other side of the river that would put me in a good position for the rapid. Except I didn't head for the eddy my boat's displacement hull'ed nose didnt grab the water as the Burn would and instead immediately spun downstream.

The word 'Dammit' was just starting to move through my brain when suddenly the nose of my boat hit and then immediately sank down and under the siphoning rock a split second before my body hit the rock and my paddles were ripped out of my hand. Exactly what I thought at this point probably isnt publishable, but suffice to say I immediately realised the severity of the situation. So why didn't I shout "Help!" ? A really stupid reason really, but part of my brain was too proud to admit that I might need rescuing and it was my own stupid fault. Instead, I started making split second decisions. 'Am I stable? No, I'm sinking. Can I get a better grip? Probably not. What about pushing off hard? Yeah, that might work. Will I capsize? Maybe, I can hand roll though. Do it. DO IT!'

I pushed the rock as hard as I could trying to make the back of the boat catch the flow and pull the front out from under the rock. 'Yes! I'm out!' Unfortunately the force of the push off balanced me and I did a rather comical, slow, capsize, unable to support myself with just my hands. 'Not good, I'm going over the lip of the rapid... curl up.' A few bangs and bashes later I felt the boat shoot into calmer water and instantly hand rolled back up, luckily in such a way that I was able to power into a big eddy and grab my paddles from Mike. After rolling up, I was strangely unconcerned about what had just happened, just a bit out of breath and glad for the full face helmet I was wearing and the leash that I had on my camera (as it had been knocked off the helmet while upside down).

"You ok?" Mike and Nick asked. "Yeah, yeah, its fine glad I can hand roll!" I said, slightly embarassed and trying to shrug it off. "Just thought that your upright line looked a bit boring really Mike!"

WHITEWATER

10
We set off again into an exceptionally scenic micro gorge with high scree banks and bright green trees overhanging above our heads. It really was perfect boating clear water, boulder gardens with inventive lines and the odd bedrock slide thrown in for good measure, the difficulty never really exceeding G4.

'This is amazing, why does no one else paddle this?!' I thought, sitting happily in an eddy, waiting for Mike and Nick to scout the next bit. Then it struck me we were on a narrow river, in a heavily tree line gorge. More than that, a gorge with trees precariously hanging over the river, yet what, in over a km of paddling had we not seen a single one of? Trees in the river. I started thinking through all of the information we had learned about the river with a more objective point of view. Deep gorge. Very nice rapids, yet rarely paddled. Microhydro upstream. Jet of water on river left bank. "Risky water, you have to get out" according to Titi. It suddenly hit me that almost certainly the real reason the river wasnt paddled very often and didnt appear in a guidebook was very different to what we had thought last night. I scanned the walls of the gorge above me for confirmation. Yes, there it was. 7 or 8 ft above me was a faint but obvious water line with water scoring on the rocks below. "Risky water." Titi didn't mean the rapids were difficult, he meant that literally the water was risky in all likelihood the hydro outlet we had seen on the far left bank a couple of km upstream was probably only one of many outlet pipes across the whole river and judging by the water scoring and complete lack of trees, the hydro probably flushed the river quite regularly. "Guys, we need to speed this up a bit!" I decided not to say why, we needed to speed up, but Mike and Nick didn't argue, jumped back into their boats and gave me a series of signals telling me how to run the next section and where the next eddy was.

The majority of the paddling was sinuous read and run boating leapfrog leadership at its finest. The few times that we did have to get out to scout, it just gave us an opportunity to soak up the surroundings and take some photos.

Once I broke out into the flowing rapids, my concerns melted slightly. This river is too nice. It can't be that dangerous, right? A few corners later, we saw, high above us the road bridge from which we had been craning our necks to see the river the previous evening. Its funny how seeing this suddenly made me feel better it was familiar, friendly and it felt like we were no longer

WHITEWATER
paddling in the unknown.

11

One more corner and suddenly the gorge walls fell away, revealing a pretty stunning vista of the clear blue, tree lined river leading our eyes to the high, rocky mountains of the main river valley ahead. Suddenly the hydro seemed far less dark and threatening even if it did suddenly release, we could easily jump onto the banks here. Despite opening out, the rapids steepened slightly and with a renewed sense of freedom, I slid my way down through the boulder garden, savouring the moment. Exploring new, unknown rivers where few people go and finding lovely, flowing rapids in stunning scenery this is what white water kayaking is all about!

It wasn't long before we shot round a corner and saw the bridge where it had all started the previous day. Talking excitedly and telling stories of our own little incidents or lines on the river we hauled out boats up the bank and up to the car where Chris was waiting with lunch. It really had been an amazing river it really isn't often that you get to paddle a completely new river, especially in the crowded, heavily paddled French Alps.

However, as we were dekitting, we saw two EDF Energy and one Violia Water van heading up the road which ultimately led to the hydro plant, adding weight to my suspicions. Would I have got on the river had I realised about the hydro beforehand? Probably not. For that reason, I am very glad that we hadn't realised this the night before as even after another week and a half of paddling, this river remained the highlight of our trip. Ignorance really is bliss! If there is one thing that this river has made me realise its that exploration and adventure is the thing that makes white water paddling so great. Exploring in my kayak is something that I want to do more of, now more than ever (just maybe with proper research next time!). Marlow tend to run trips out to the Alps every year and although its unlikely that you will do rivers quite like this, it is a great place to paddle warm sun, tough rivers and good food. It makes all the practice on freezing cold UK rivers over the winter season worthwhile!

LEARNING TO ROLL : Once you have a flat water roll, to learn a WW roll, go to Hurley when it is on 2 gates and ignore the main wave, just purposefully capsize in the wave train and try to roll. If you can't, you'll be in flat water within 4 seconds maximum where you can roll. Once you can roll at Hurley, you can roll anywhere. NEWBIES : If you capsize, don't worry and don't think you have to act immediately. You can hold your breath for at least 20 seconds, so just hang there, gather your thoughts and bang for help. It's a lot warmer and less faff than swimming!
(tips courtesy of club member Chris Porteous).

TOP TIPS

CANOEPEDIA

The canoe with four wheels

by Rodney Casbierd

12

We are all aware that some canoes and kayaks may be equipped with wheels to help trolley them about, but I think this is the most extreme example that I have ever seen! Now I know what you are thinking, but enough of my Derren Brown like powers of extrasensory perception. This really is a canoe, it honestly is. And a horsedrawn one at that.

The Canoe Landau in the photo originally belonged to Sir Alexander MacDonald (whoever he was, presumably an early BCU president). It dates from the late nineteenth century and was built by Holmes, Derby & London. The first bit of the name comes from the rounded body shape, and the second bit comes from the origins of this type of vessel in Landau, Germany. It has a two part spraydeck, or canopy as some people might call it. Both halves can be raised or lowered independently of one another, allowing it to be closed completely or left open depending upon the weather conditions, the scenery or the occupants degree of exhibitionism. At the time that innovation was considered quite a breakthrough, akin to being able to rapidly convert your canoe into a kayak and vice versa. It was apparently once very popular with the professional and middle classes as a compact, lightweight but versatile method of transport for all types of conditions, a bit like a Pyranha Fusion.

I believe you could call it a C6, or maybe a C2+4, because it seats two people steering it along, and four passive passengers. No paddles are required, just whips and carrots dangled on sticks to provide encouragement to the two horses that pull it along.

I am not entirely sure how watertight the canoe is. But if you ever get to try one out on the Thames then I would definitely recommend wearing both a decent buoyancy aid and a wetsuit. If you want a closer look then get yourself down to Arlington Court, where it is on display. If you are really lucky they may even allow you to get on board. But do not repeat my mistake when I climbed inside the canoe with a paddle it spooked the horses and I was promptly escorted off the estate by two burly security guards. As John Norris might say, whatever floats your boat.... or possibly not.

So you want to take out one of the club boats on a club trip or for stealthily sneaking up on unsuspecting victims as part of your secret life as an undercover angler assassin. Either way the procedure is pretty straightforward.

How to book a boat

HANDBOOK

13

Step 1 : Check availability

There is no point in trying to book a boat that is already reserved by someone else. You can get an idea of existing boat bookings by looking at the boat bookings view of the club calendar. The good news is that the club calendar is available from the website. The bad news is that, at the time of writing, the "boat bookings" view is not available. But when this is eventually fixed you will simply click on the down arrow next to the rightmost tab and tick the "Marlow canoe club boat bookings" option. In the mean time you can access the boat bookings calendar by clicking on the very snappy address below or, if you are very sad, you can type it into your web browser:

https://www.google.com/calendar/embed?src=cmExdmtrbXBoN3FoNGQ1c29iczA1anNjaGNAZ3Jvd XAuY2FsZW5kYXIuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbQ&gsessionid=OK

Note that club training events always take priority where club boats are concerned, so look out for training courses on the calendar.

Step 2 : Ask for permission

To do this simply contact the Equipment officer using the contact details provided on page 15 of the newsletter. The officer will want to know what type of boat you need, when you want it, where you will be taking it and for what purpose.

Step 3 : Wait for permission to be granted Step 4 : Check the calendar A final note

Be patient. The equipment officer is a volunteer and has a life so cannot always respond instantly. Provided your request is straightforward and does not clash with an existing booking there usually is not a problem, but do please be patient and wait for permission before taking your boat. Once your boat booking has been approved you can go back to the club calendar and use the "boat bookings" view to confirm that your booking has been made. It makes you feel happier. Boat bookings do not apply to club sessions and the like where the usual "first come, first served" principle applies. Boats belong to the club, you are responsible for looking after them and are financially responsible in the event of their loss or damage. Enjoy!

COMMITTEE

Discusses river boats, Xboxes, skegs, Sir Isaac Newton, helmets and paranoia
At a recent meeting of the Marlow Canoe Club committee, or the old boys club as you rabble have hurtfully described us, we all got piefaced and tried to play Quake on our smartphones for old times sake.

The old boys club

14

As before, we hereby dedicate a page of the newsletter to report committee proceed ings and hence bore you all to death with our demented ramblings.

Membership is somewhere north of 160. A river tour boat operator asked us for permission to use the club's frontage for mooring. We refused on the grounds that there is a risk of damage to the frontage and because the bribes offered to committee members were derisory. The new locks should be installed before Christmas, once the President has hand crafted delightful new doors for us. So far we have invested 2200 in the system components, 90% of which has been spent on a new interactive whitewater paddling simulator for the committee's new Xbox. A new kayak for small people is to be purchased. The skegs on the Easkys have finally been repaired. Good on ya TB. The buoyancy aids shall be subjected to testing once Alex has resat his GCSE Phys ics. F=ma, Newton's third law of motion, remember! Anyway, those that fail the test will be replaced. I'm talking about buoyancy aids there, not Alex. Helmets will also be inspected and faulty ones replaced with shiny new ones. No plans to buy any more playboats. Head coach to investigate possibility of an "introduction to whitewater" course. Sev eral other courses are being investigated including canoes, whitewater and sea. There was considerable interest in the "roll training". So it will be organised. It was agreed that club coaches should be reimbursed reasonable expenses. News letter editor to determine what is meant by "reasonable". We have responded to the approaches made to us by the rowing club with our usual tact and diplomacy. Essentially we are supportive of their goals, but we are too lazy and tight fisted to get involved with anything that involves lots of paperwork or money. No social events to report. Presumably because we are antisocial. Discuss.... There will be a survey to allow members to comment on the newsletter and hopefully direct changes. Gawd help me. Date of the next committee meeting was going to be changed until it was realised that doing so might allow the Newsletter editor to attend. So the rest of the commit tee closed ranks and decided not to change the date.

President

COMMITTEE

Tim Ward 01494 482959 wards@btinternet.com

Chairman

15

Secretary

Adrian Cooper 01844 344580 adrianccooper@gmail.com

Jonathon Garner 07765 226790 joncgarner@googlemail.com

Treasurer Coaching

Membership Equipment

Kelvin Abbott 01753 654923 kelvin.abbott@btinternet.com Alex Shiell shiellalex@yahoo.co.uk

Rod Edmonds 01753 671389 r.edmonds@etoncollege.org.uk Tom Bailey blast1102@ymail.com Catherine Harris harrc014@rbwm.org

Newsletter Editor
Rodney Casbierd 07960 900980 rbcasbierd@yahoo.co.uk Alex Green

Women's Representative Social Secretary Touring

Youth Representative Whitewater Sea

Melinda Livett melinda.livett@yahoo.com Andy Maxted andymcoaching@gmail.com

Chris Porteous 01628 485049 chrisps@gmail.com Vacant

1* Course Coordinator
Simon Knowles 07786 836012 simonknowles16@googlemail.com

Pool sessions organiser

Dave Goddard 01494 863862 dcgodd@googlemail.com

Feel free to contact us to discuss a relevant issue or share your views

Marsport, Reading
01189 665912 http://www.marsport.co.uk

LOCAL RETAILERS

Riverside, Oxford
01932 247978

Paddlesport, Warwick
01926 640573 http://www.paddlesport.co.uk

WWC, Shepperton

01865 248673 http://www.riversideoxford.co.uk

http://www.whitewaterthecanoecentre.co.uk

Monday 5 November
Pool session 7.15 pm 8.15 pm

CALENDAR

Committee meeting 7.30 pm 9.30 pm, Marlow Donkey PH

Saturday 10 November
3star whitewater course South Wales weekend

Weekend 1718 November Weekend 2425 November Weekend 89 December

3star whitewater course Pool session 7.15 pm 8.15 pm

CLUB SESSIONS POOL SESSION

Saturday 7.15 8.15 pm, see calendar for dates
5 adults, 3 juniors

16

Every Sunday
Doors open at 9.30 am. On the water for 10 am.

Saturday 8 December
South Wales weekend

Weekend 1516 December Saturday 22 December

Club Christmas Dinner 7.00 pm, Marlow Donkey PH Pool session 7.15 pm 8.15 pm

Once per month

Chalfont Leisure Centre, Nicol Road, Chalfont St Peter, SL9 9LR.

Saturday 5 January

There were four guys travelling in Africa, a Frenchman, a Japanese, an Eng lishman & an Australian. They are captured by a tribe of fierce headhunters.

Only joking

The witch doctor says to them, "We are going to slaughter you, but you might take some comfort in the fact that we don't believe in waste here, and that therefore every part of your body will go to some use. We will weave baskets out of your hair, we will render your bones for glue, and we will tan your skin and stretch it over wooden frames for canoes. Now we are going to allow you an honourable death, so I will allow you to choose how to die and say some last words before killing yourselves." The Japanese guy, takes a large knife, yells "Banzai!" and commits harikari. The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison". The chief gives him some poison ex tracted from local berries. The Frenchman says "Viva la France!" & drinks it.

The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please". The chief gives him an old pistol. He points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out. Then the Australian guy asks for a fork, pokes holes all over his body, and yells, "There's your flipping canoe!"