CR James Reports

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CR James Reports
(February 18, 2011)

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CR James Reports

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Hey CR.. I'm writing you because I truly believe you're one of the best in the business, so without further comments let me give you a little background of why I'm writing this: I'm 33 year old industrial engineer (but thank god I look 25!) and I won a scholarship to come get my masters degree in Dortmund, Germany. And so happens that I've been living here in GERMANY for the past couple of months and I'm only going to be here for the next 7 months... so here's the problem 1- NO GIRLFRIEND POSSIBLE Because of my short time here and the fact that people interact a little different than back home, I need to change my MINDSET from "Dating" to "Having One Night Stands" (otherwise I'm going to have very very long cold nights!) Normally I have the process of dating figured out: approach the woman, spark attraction, get the phone number and leave, then after a few days call, date 1 or 2 and finally sex. After that you either get a girlfriend or you get a f*ck buddy. But here... THE CULTURE IS DIFFERENT.. Either girls go for one night stands or for long term relationship. Middle grounds are not very common (and too complicated for what I found out so far). And because the whole girlfriend thing is not possible... how CAN I CHANGE MY MINDSET ABOUT THIS ISSUE and start becoming successful in the one-night deal? and numero dos... 2- LANGUAGE BARRIER Simply put... MY GERMAN SUCKS! It's too damn hard man! I try to speak it, but by the time I manage to actually have a fluent conversation I'm afraid my time will be gone and would have to go back home. Normally I wouldn't mind this so much but.. IT HAS BECOME MY "FREEZING BUT"!!. Just yesterday I was in a disco with a friend and we noticed several women checking us out. My friend kept telling me "go talk to that one" or "make your move with this one".. but I WAS FROZEN! I KEPT TELLING HIM (AND MYSELF) "yeah.. I could, BUT I don't know how what to say.. I can't speak German".. or whatever crap like that... This LANGUAGE BARRIER has become my mental virus!! And I need help...

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CR James Reports Thanks in advance Luis (now in Germany)

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Hey Luis I'm not sure what the cultural differences are In Germany, but I believe the "attraction signals" are universal. The personality type is likely to be a bigger factor. It's kind of like going to any country let's say Japan - and not knowing the language yet being able to spot the girls who are flirty & wild and the ones who are quiet and shy ... even though you can't speak the language...even though you don't fully know the cultural differences... As far as not being able to speak German, well. I think it would help to make sure you're capable of talking to them. LOL. If I were in your shoes, I would DEFINATELY make sure I could talk to the women in the country I'm in. That would be priority #1. Don't worry about if it isn't perfect. Use that to your advantage. Learn how to say: "Hi. I'm new here. Can you help me learn how to speak German?" And then let that be your angle. -CR

Hey James, Always glad to see your email man. Been busy with work. Hope you doing fine man. Thanks for the download stuff you are sharing with us. I have a couple of questions to see if you would like to answer. So far in my circle of friends none of them know much about seduction and those approaching women stuffs. How do you start a conversation with a girl or woman quickly without her knowing you are trying to be a pickup artist? Younger woman how to really get them to be attracted to me?

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Lately I know younger woman, strangely some do look for long term relationship which I have many people disagreed on this saying that they are young would like to enjoy themselves before so call finding Mr Right. So what is it that as man we can attract a younger girl to go into a long term relationship? You thoughts on this would be valuable. I have seen girls as young as 16 or 18 getting married. Bizarre, strange or weird I don't know. Kind of too young for them to settle down. You might be asking why go for younger woman. One thing for sure they have much less emotional baggage than those girl or woman near their 30s say around the age of 28 to 30 or older. These age category of woman some of them have a lot emotional baggage from past relationship. I am just thinking as I begin to know more younger woman why let chances slip away when you know some of them are high quality girls beside their looks alone. Thanks James. Regards Alex

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CR James Reports Hey Alex

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As far as younger women and my take. I would first classify her into some sort of "What drives her?" category and a few other categories before I considered her age. Let's say you're 35yr - 45yr and looking to hook up seriously with 21 year old. First, pay more attention to what drives her, because there is a difference between: A 21 year old who enjoys video games, comic books, super tech stuff, etc. A 21 year old who enjoys shopping, fashion, beauty, following life style of celebrities, etc. A 21 year old who enjoys clubbing, smoking weed, hanging out with a bunch of male friends, A 21 year old who enjoys academics, planning for the future, focusing on career.

(And there will always be unattractive, average-looking and hot women in each category.) If you talk to any woman long enough, they won't let you forget what type of woman she is. That will provide you with some basic information, but it's important to pay attention to what she spends her time doing. Step 2: Then pay attention to her "relationship philosophies" to determine if she's a potential quality partner (if that matters). There are 22 year old girls who have a more grounded (reasonable) sense of how a relationship should work than some 40 year old women. For example, if a woman is scarred (in the sense that she refuses to let things go and learn from her experiences), then she's likely to make negative shifts in her relationship philosophy. For example, she gets cheated on and ends up creating the belief that "no man will ever be faithful" or "if you treat a guy good he'll take advantage of you" or any belief that will ultimately set the pace for how she will behave in the relationship. So always ask questions (directly and indirectly/secretly) to get her to expose her relationship philosophies. Step 3: Then (finally) consider the age factor... ..like how does she initially feel about dating an older guy? If there is an issue, then you have to create a sub-strategy for it. If not, then (age-wise) see if you can figure out how she puts things in perspective.

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She could have the maturity level of a 14 year old. While another 22 year old could have the maturity level of a 38 year old (with her head on her shoulders). There are lots of people who say stuff like NEVER get into a relationship with a girl in her 20'a blah blah blah. Never do that.. No. No No. The truth is "any reason you can come up with for not taking a younger woman seriously (relationship-wise)" could be applied to some women of all ages. So it always makes more sense to consider what drives her (what type of woman she is) along with her outlook on relationships first and then look at her age as a "limited life experiences" factor. (if that makes sense) So to get to your question "What is it that as man we can attract a younger girl to go into a long term relationship? ... it depends on the 'younger girl'. If she doesn't have the desire to be in a LT relationship and/or the 'perspective' to function in one, then anything you do (however skillfully executed) is likely to fail.... because you would have to 'sell her on the idea' (build the desire), then train her to function in one (which could have layers of complexity) among other things... To me, if you want to get a relationship with a woman (young or old) it's better to figure out if she has the desire and the perspective to begin with... Unless you're taking a controlling approach where you're getting her to do whatever you want (so she's compelled to be a relationship only because you TOLD HER). Even though you'll easily keep her horny (b/c your SV is structured primarily on "Authority" and other stuff) it could to be destructive if you're reckless. As far as your other question about starting a conversation a young girl and her not thinking you're a pickup artist. I wouldn't be too concerned with whether she thought you were trying to pick her up. At that point, you don't know anything about her. Some women prefer a direct approach (not hiding that you're interested in her on some level) As far as the strategy part of starting the conversation, I'll cut and paste this from Super Approach Power.... The Use of Entry Points

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CR James Reports There are 4 easy ways to start any conversation: [Conversation Starters] 1. State your opinion 2. State a fact 3. Ask for her opinion 4. Ask her about a fact And with that there are 6 basic topics [Basic Topics] A. You B. Her C. Someone Else D. Something E. The Situation F. The Environment

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So with these 4 Conversation Starters and these 6 Basic Topics, you can easily form: 24 Ways To Get Her Attention: In other words, you can create 24 Entry Points. 1. State your opinion about You 2. State your opinion about Her 3. State your opinion about Someone Else 4. State your opinion about Something 5. State your opinion about The Situation 6. State your opinion about The Environment 7. State a fact about You 8. State a fact about Her 9. State a fact about Someone Else 10. State a fact about Something 11. State a fact about The Situation 12. State a fact about The Environment 13. Ask for her opinion about You 14. Ask for her opinion about Her 15. Ask for her opinion about Someone Else 16. Ask for her opinion about Something 17. Ask for her opinion about The Situation 18. Ask for her opinion about The Environment 19. Ask her about a fact about You 20. Ask her about a fact about Her 21. Ask her about a fact about Someone Else 22. Ask her about a fact about Something 23. Ask her about a fact about The Situation 24. Ask her about a fact about The Environment If that's too confusing, you can also use common Entry Points, like "Hello" ..lol. Copyright. All Rights Reserved. http:/CRJames.com

CR James Reports

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I'm not sure if this is necessarily directly related about your area of expertise, but it isn't too far removed. One thing I've struggled with throughout my life is properly regulating anxiety. I do things to attempt to regulate it, like say exercise, and meditation (for i.e. cultivating "resource states" and visualizing positive outcomes). They are beneficial. That being said, there is room for improvement. I'm reminded of a conversation I had with a woman a few months before I was married. She mentioned attending administrative meetings at her workplace. She said she had ideas and didn't agree with x, y, and z...however, at the moment she said "my mind was blank...those thoughts just weren't there at the time." That describes my situation pretty well. Do you have any advice on how to overcome such blocks and apply what I know better in "real time?" Regards, Jim

Are you saying that she share her experience of wanting to think about something but it's just not there...how do you feel when this is going on?

Not quite like that, it's more like I'll realize the perfect thing to say or do 5 minutes after the fact...when it's too late...My goal is to get my mind focused on realizing the perfect thing to say when it's the right time to say it, not after. So, I'm trying to work on ways to remove those blocks that keep me from having the perfect thing to say at the perfect time. Hope that clarifies my question. This may be a little connected to something you have previously written about: "Confidence isn't something you gain, it's something you already have." I agree with you, I want to pull away things that might be impeding me.

Oh Ok... I understand now... Very good question... And actually Jim, I think you're on the right track. Meaning it's good that you do that. I'm the same way. I had a conversation recently with a family member who just started out in sales. And we talked about this very concept in depth for awhile. And she says she'll find the perfect thing to say after the fact - but of course, at that point it's too late. And I thought it was interesting topic because I was like that at one point (when I was in sales and in life in general). Now, for the most part I think on my feet pretty well - but (in my opinion) I think it has to do with the HABIT of realizing I could have said things better after the fact. In some cases, I'll obsess over it too much.

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CR James Reports So if you do this, it's a good thing. It makes your smarter.

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So even though, initially there may be a level of frustration with realizing that you could have potentially said something "better" than you did in the past. It's not realistic. What takes you "a half of second to think of" shouldn't be able to compete with what you're about to come up with after 5-10 minutes of thinking/obsessing. And that's all that's really happening. The good news is this process of discovering a better version after the fact, leads to a quicker response in the future. So looking at it numerically, if it normally takes you 5 minutes to come up with the right thing to say, over time it will be reduced down to 3 minutes...then 1 minute... then a few seconds (at that point it will be in 'real time'). Don't look at it as a bad thing. Of course, this basically applies to areas of life where you "kind of" know a general idea of what the question will be...or what the situation will call for... For example, let's say you're single and you date new women quite frequently...after awhile, you're not likely to get caught off guard with certain questions...at some point, she's likely to ask about your background, your interests and stuff like that...your brain reaction time becomes a lot quicker... In a sales situation, the same kind of thing happens. There might be common questions/objections that pop up over and over again. And pretty soon, you unconsciously become prepared. But in ANY situation where you're completely caught off guard, you're speed of response is only as good as your ability to relate it to something similar. And even if you give a "good response" (i.e. thinking on your feet) you're almost guaranteed to come up with something MUCH BETTER after 5-15 minutes of thinking. Does that make sense? Because your brain is "processing" the information longer. And not only that, just have the DESIRE to come up with something better, stresses the brain (in a good way) to make it think more efficiently. It begins to run more calculations and comparisons. So you should EXPECT to produce a better version (of what you could have said) after 5-15 minutes of thinking. ...which becomes proof that you're a good thinker.

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The cool thing is that you're the type of person who thinks after the fact. Not everyone is like that. So that's my take on it.

Best Regards, CR James SuperApproachPower.com SuperConnectionPower.com [recently re-released] SuperRespectPower.com [new] TheSecretPattern.com [Coming Soon]

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