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Saturday 10 November- Saturday 10 November- Friday Friday 16 16 November November 2012 2012 BETTY
Saturday 10 November- Saturday 10 November- Friday Friday 16 16 November November 2012 2012 BETTY
Saturday 10 November- Saturday 10 November- Friday Friday 16 16 November November 2012 2012
Saturday 10 November-
Saturday 10 November-
Friday Friday 16 16 November November 2012 2012
Saturday 10 November- Friday Friday 16 16 November November 2012 2012 BETTY WHITE: TV’S FAVOURITE NONAGENARIAN
Saturday 10 November- Friday Friday 16 16 November November 2012 2012 BETTY WHITE: TV’S FAVOURITE NONAGENARIAN
Saturday 10 November- Friday Friday 16 16 November November 2012 2012 BETTY WHITE: TV’S FAVOURITE NONAGENARIAN
Saturday 10 November- Friday Friday 16 16 November November 2012 2012 BETTY WHITE: TV’S FAVOURITE NONAGENARIAN
Saturday 10 November- Friday Friday 16 16 November November 2012 2012 BETTY WHITE: TV’S FAVOURITE NONAGENARIAN
Saturday 10 November- Friday Friday 16 16 November November 2012 2012 BETTY WHITE: TV’S FAVOURITE NONAGENARIAN
Saturday 10 November- Friday Friday 16 16 November November 2012 2012 BETTY WHITE: TV’S FAVOURITE NONAGENARIAN
Saturday 10 November- Friday Friday 16 16 November November 2012 2012 BETTY WHITE: TV’S FAVOURITE NONAGENARIAN
Saturday 10 November- Friday Friday 16 16 November November 2012 2012 BETTY WHITE: TV’S FAVOURITE NONAGENARIAN
Saturday 10 November- Friday Friday 16 16 November November 2012 2012 BETTY WHITE: TV’S FAVOURITE NONAGENARIAN
Saturday 10 November- Friday Friday 16 16 November November 2012 2012 BETTY WHITE: TV’S FAVOURITE NONAGENARIAN
Saturday 10 November- Friday Friday 16 16 November November 2012 2012 BETTY WHITE: TV’S FAVOURITE NONAGENARIAN
Saturday 10 November- Friday Friday 16 16 November November 2012 2012 BETTY WHITE: TV’S FAVOURITE NONAGENARIAN

CONTENTS

CONTENTS The Rolling Stones mark their 50th anniversary with a new Greatest Hits collection SEE BOOKING

The Rolling Stones mark their 50th anniversary with a new Greatest Hits collection

SEE BOOKING NOW FOR ACCOMPANYING TOUR DATES, P26

FEATURES

A Good Look 4 Skye Sherwin on a month in pop culture visuals. TVOD 7 The return of The Hour. TV 8 Michael Cragg talks to Betty White. That vagina quote? Not hers! Internet 12 Brian Limond, star of Limmy’s Show, on how to be a troll. Music 14 As clubbing tribes collide, veteran Tony Naylor offers a new code of conduct for the dancefloor.

Infomania 90 Girls Aloud.

PREVIEWS

Film 19 Music 23 Games 28 Comedy 29 Clubs 30 Theatre 32 Dance 33 Exhibitions 34 Events 37

LISTINGS

Full guide to going out in your area after page 46

TV & RADIO

Picks of the week 43 The planner 44 The Hard Sell 45 Films on TV 46

Daily listings 48

A GOOD L

SKYE SHERWIN ON A MONTH IN POP CULTURE VISUALS,

1
1

GREAT EXPECTATIONS Helena Bonham Carter as

Miss Havisham in Mike Newell’s 2012 adaptation is classic rococo, a style beloved of 18th-century France’s high society, and perfect for suggesting a descent from decadence to decay. The sepia-tint makes her skin, dress and boudoir appear as one, like she is becoming part of the architecture.

PEOPLE GET READY ALBUM People Get Ready’s People Get Ready’s

combined CV includes playing with David Byrne and Yeasayer. These art-pop credentials are written on the sleeve of their debut album: it sports one of New York painter’s Julie Mehretu’s rhythmic compositions of urban plans, zingy abstract shapes and controlled explosions of colour.

ANKE FEUCHTENBERGER This bad dream in soft, smoky

charcoal, in a show at London’s Goethe-Institut (to 15 Dec), is by leading German comics artist Anke Feuchtenberger. Her figures hark back to Käthe Kollwitz’s fraught black and white drawings of the victims of war and poverty.

3
3
4
4

MARTHA WAINWRIGHT ALBUM Wainwright’s naked

cover art for Come Home To Mama turns her body into an inky question mark
cover art for Come Home To
Mama turns her body into an
inky question mark that calls to
mind the shot of Christine Keeler
with the chair; the rainbow echo
rescues it from girlie kitsch.
5
SANTA SANGRE This still
comes from Santa Sangre,
or Holy Blood, Jodorowsky’s
crazed thriller, featuring religious
cults, mutilation and murder. The
tattooed devil lady certainly brings
out the sexual undertones in all
those paintings of St Sebastian.
JOHAN PERSSON; MAJA GRAFE; STARTRAKS/REX

4 The Guide

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1
5
4

10-16 Nov 2012

OK

FROM DICKENS TO JODOROWSKY

OK FROM DICKENS TO JODOROWSKY 2 3 THE POPULIST ITEMS OF INTEREST THIS WEEK • PHONICALLY
2 3
2
3
OK FROM DICKENS TO JODOROWSKY 2 3 THE POPULIST ITEMS OF INTEREST THIS WEEK • PHONICALLY

THE POPULIST

ITEMS OF INTEREST THIS WEEK

PHONICALLY CHALLENGED

Breaking: Sinéad O’Connor has a sense of humour. In a sly nod to Bob Marley she’s just announced her Crazy Baldhead tour.

GRANDMASTERS FLASH

The Chinese trailer for Wong Kar-Wai’s long-awaited martial- arts epic The Grandmasters is stylish enough to merit a watch

even if you’re not quite fluent in Mandarin yet. Trailer here:

bit.ly/grandtrailer

YEAH, SCIENCE!

After proving Titanic wrong,

Mythbusters is set to scrutinise the science of Breaking Bad with Aaron Paul and Vince Gilligan.

SLY’S POOR COMMANDO

OF ENGLISH “We have confirmed Nicolas Cage, a master actor who gives a veneer

intellectual group” - Sly Stallone’s Expendables Facebook update suggests he should never be let near a keyboard again.

BRAND RECOGNITION

Woop, More Jo Brand on TV!

After the current run of Getting On she turns agony aunt with advice show Help Me I’m Human.

PAPPING THE RAPPING

Following the horrifying Rich Kids Of Instagram comes a Tumblr

for hip-hop excess, Rapperz On Instagram: bit.ly/instarap

BUS (RIDE) CONDUCTOR

iPhone app Symphonica is a classical take on Guitar Hero- style rhythm gaming, letting you conduct an anime orchestra. GUARDIANGUIDE.TUMBLR.COM TWITTER.COM/GUIDEGUARDIAN

ILLUSTRATION: SCOTT CHAMBERS/SYNERGYART.CO.UK

SARAH DEMPSTER’S

SCOTT CHAMBERS/SYNERGYART.CO.UK SARAH DEMPSTER’S THIS WEEK THE HOUR * Oh, The Hour ( Wed, 9pm, BBC2

THIS

WEEK

THE

HOUR

* Oh, The Hour (Wed, 9pm, BBC2). How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

Or at least allow me to hold your trilby, rapt, while you jive jubilantly across the sprung dancefloor of social history. Fifteen months after it buggered off on a horse called Enormous Vintage Sauce, here it is again – mane lacquered, bridle buffed and period-specific hooves primed for another six episodes of jazzy 1950s splendidness. So, hurrah. But also: hmm. Much as I adored the first series, its hotch-potch of storylines and themes – from soapy newsroom romance to scowling conspiracy thriller – were not always conducive to fun. In its eagerness to be all things to all viewers, the busy-ness of it all too often threatened to bubble over and spoil the pudding. There we’d be, perched happily on the newsdesk as smirking alpha-anchor Hector (Dominic West) goosed fragrant producer Bel (Romola Garai) behind camera three, when a sudden gust of plot would send us tumbling into a solemn, vinegary speech about the Suez Crisis. Well, what a difference a year makes. Where once these gear changes clunked and squealed, now The Hour sways merrily between themes like a retired major in a dimly lit Soho nightclub. The pace appears to have been working out. The script has had a haircut. It’s the same, only more so. It’s zingier and springier. Fitter. Happier. Hourier. Episode one, then, and among the clackety-click of newsroom typewriters and the brittle triiiiing of Bakelite telephones emerges evidence that The Hour’s position as Britain’s pre-eminent current affairs bash is being threatened by an upstarty ITV rival. “Not surprised,” grumps abrupt, enigmatic new boss Mr Brown (a belting turn from Peter Capaldi). “It’s tighter and fresher. Hrrmph,” he continues, fiddling with a piece of toast. “We must shake it all up.” While the staff sigh and roll up their sleeves, up pops Freddie Lyon (Ben Whishaw), back from a

sleeves, up pops Freddie Lyon (Ben Whishaw), back from a round-the-world trip with a notepad full

round-the-world trip with a notepad full of ideas and a beard like a bombed hedgerow (“It seemed like a good idea on the other side of the Atlantic … ”). Within minutes of his reinstatement, he’s Tintinning around in hot pursuit of Soho vice barons while the increasingly gittish Hector (Captain Haddock) smirks over another tumbler of whisky and Bel (Snowy) rolls her eyes from the sidelines. Ah, Bel. Never the brightest sandwich in The Hour’s picnic hamper, she delivers lines like, “You have undermined me in front of my team!” with the zest of a sheepskin rug with a thyroid disorder. She’s still drifting in and out of focus, her MO still caught between mumsy concern and mimsy self-regard, but, mercifully, there’s no longer the sense that Bel is there solely to represent women’s postwar struggle in the workplace. She’s also 17 times more likable. Plot-wise, it’s all go. It’s bye-bye to Soviet spies and murky Suez unpleasantness and yoo-hoo to gangland crime, arms-race paranoia and the ongoing upending of the establishment by nervy, pasty types with loosened ties and a penchant for this new- fangled “rock and roll” devilry, by jove. Elsewhere, it’s all gone a bit Profumo: Hector chinking after-hours snifters with shifty police chiefs while balding politicos disappear into the ensuite with tittering showgirls in flicky eyeliner and nimbuses of tulle. Character-wise, it’s never been better. While Julian Rhind-Tutt ups the unctuousness as deliciously feline PR bitch Angus, Anna Chancellor continues to steal the show as Lix, her glorious world-weariness now accessorised with the suggestion that behind the corrugated tweed pounds a heart as melty as margarine. The Hour has embraced its cliches, straightened its bow tie and given up trying to say anything other than, “Here is some telly, hope you like it, it’s got some lovely dresses and guns. Um, bye.” If there’s a more enjoyable hour of drama this month I’ll eat my trilby on toast •

Take it o 8 The Guide Dd-dd Month 2011
Take it o 8 The Guide Dd-dd Month 2011

Take it o

Take it o 8 The Guide Dd-dd Month 2011

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Dd-dd Month 2011

An online campaign gave Betty White’s career a thoroughly modern boost, but as Michael Cragg

An online campaign gave Betty White’s career a thoroughly modern boost, but as Michael Cragg, discovers, after six decades in the biz she’s keeping it old school

W hy do people say ‘grow some balls’? Balls are weak and

sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.” If you happen to look this quote up, you’ll see it attributed to notoriously sweet 90-year-old TV great Betty White. Only those words never passed her

lips, and she’d quite like people to bear that in mind next time they see fit to quote it at her, as I have just done. “That’s what I hate about Facebook and the internet,” she sighs. “They can say you said anything. I never would have said

that. I’d never say that in a million years.”

I never would have said that. I’d never say that in a million years.” ≥ leave
I never would have said that. I’d never say that in a million years.” ≥ leave
I never would have said that. I’d never say that in a million years.” ≥ leave

leave it

HULTON ARCHIVE; W.DISNEY/EVERETT/REX; ALLSTAR/TOUCHSTONE; NBC

S while White’s

o

not a fan of the internet – when

I tell her there

was an internet rumour a couple of years ago

that she had died, she says, “Tell them that at 90 there’s no need

to get impatient, I’m hurrying

as best as I can” – the internet is certainly a fan of Betty White. In January 2010, a Facebook campaign appeared with the sole aim of getting White to host Saturday Night Live. When the announcement was made that White would indeed host a forthcoming episode that May, the group had reached over half

a million followers. She stole

the scene in the perfunctory Sandra Bullock romcom The Proposal. Then she had cameos in Community and 30 Rock, did Letterman and Larry King, and

visited the White House (no

relation). For the youth of America

– already gorged on re-runs of

The Golden Girls on the Lifetime channel – the love affair with Betty White has only just begun. While most waves of cultural nostalgia lean towards the ironic, there is genuine affection for White, a woman who embodies the slightly barmy but lovable grandmother figure we all secretly wanted as children, with the benefit of a softly sarcastic viewpoint that comes with a life well lived. In a TV landscape dogged by cynicism and emotional breakdowns, her charm, often masking a biting put-down, makes her re-emergence more satisfying.

Betty the devil you know: White in 1956, and (right) in The Proposal and a
Betty the devil you know: White in 1956,
and (right) in The Proposal and a Snickers ad

There’s a tenacity bubbling beneath those cotton-mix trouser suits. As a young woman, Betty so desperately wanted to act that she wrote her own high-

school graduation play and gave herself the lead role. In 1949, after her burgeoning career had been interrupted by the war, she produced her first television series, Life With Elizabeth, before going on to play “neighbourhood nymphomaniac” Sue Ann Nivens in The Mary Tyler Moore Show. She followed that with the lovably drippy Rose Nylund in The Golden Girls and a myriad of other characters before, after and in-between (she’s received 20 Emmy nominations to date). White puts her success down to a mixture of old-fashioned perseverance and the public’s

unending patience. “I think after 63 years in the business people grow up with you, and they have children and then they grow up with you,” she explains over the phone from her home in LA. “They think you’re a fixture, so I think they don’t know how to get rid of me, to be honest.” Unsurprisingly, White is old-school Hollywood. Her self- deprecation never allows her to come out and say that the main reason she’s been around for so long is because she’s completely brilliant at what she does, delivering comedic lines with an expert’s timing and a knowing nod. It also means she doesn’t “do” politics. A question about who she trusts least out of people who hate animals (Betty’s on the board of directors at the Greater

Betty’s best bits

LIFE WITH ELIZABETH (1953–55) Co-produced by a 31-year-old White, Life With Elizabeth – which focused on the ordinary suburban life of a married couple – introduced her warm but biting comedic style and made her one of most powerful women in TV at the time.

THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW (1973–77) Betty played against type to imbue Sue Ann Nivens, the outwardly sweet presenter of The Happy Homemaker TV show, with a brilliantly sardonic undercurrent, undermining the show’s titular star and generally being a bit of a bitch.

10 The Guide

Dd-dd Month 2011

Los Angeles Zoo Association) and Republicans is met with a friendly “I don’t get political”.
Los Angeles Zoo Association) and Republicans is met with a friendly “I don’t get political”.

Los Angeles Zoo Association) and Republicans is met with a friendly “I don’t get political”. She’s also an expert at politely batting away suggestions that the idea of employing a 90-year-old woman to say rude words may be the start and end point of some producers’ ideas. I ask her if she ever finds the things she’s asked to do now patronising, such as an SNL sketch that played on her repeatedly talking about her “dusty muffin”(“Many bakers from my era have dry or even yeasty muffins”), or an appearance on the song I’m Still Hot by singer Luciana which involved White rapping, “I may be a senior but so what, I’m still hot” surrounded by men in gold hotpants. “No, I have to admit, Michael, I don’t, because I’ve had an audience of this

demographic range for 63 years,” she explains, making a point of saying my name, which she does throughout the interview. As for the men in gold hotpants? “I think everybody should have a hobby!” She also makes a point of being able to veto anything she finds unsavoury on her hidden-camera show Off Their Rockers, which, during one episode, involves an elderly lady talking graphically about her sex life much to the horror of two young men sitting nearby. “Well, I didn’t say we’re always tasteful,” she laughs, “but sometimes we go for the joke. I try to keep a pretty close eye on it.” It exposes some people’s attitudes towards older women and sex, I suggest, ie that it must be off the table once you reach 60. “Boy do they have a lot to learn,” she laughs. “The fun is the reaction of the young people. They don’t expect this to happen. Older people rarely get the fun of the pay off.” White’s currently so busy with Off Their Rockers and her successful sitcom Hot In Cleveland that she’s constantly turning down work. “The bottom line is, Michael, I’m blessed with good health. On top of that, I don’t go around thinking ‘Oh, I’m 90, I better do this or I better do that’. I’m just Betty. I’m the same Betty that I’ve always been. Take it or leave it.” •

‘After 63 years in the business, they don’t know how to get rid of me, to be honest’

they don’t know how to get rid of me, to be honest’ Hot In Cleveland airs

Hot In Cleveland airs on Saturdays, 9am, Sony Entertainment Channel

THE GOLDEN GIRLS (1985-91) For seven glorious and critically acclaimed seasons, White played the widowed and endearingly naive Rose Nylund, whose convoluted and perculiar stories about her small-town upbringing clashed brilliantly with Bea Arthur’s cynical Brooklynite, Dorothy. Cue an endless supply of confused facial expressions.

SCREEN ACTORS GUILD AWARDS (2010) Collecting the prestigious Lifetime Achievement Award, White was humble and charming, opening her speech with, “Thank you from the bottom of my heart and from the bottom of my bottom.” But it was co-star Sandra Bullock who got the full treatment. “Isn’t it heartening to see how far a

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE (2010) While the extended “dusty muffin” sketch spread a double entendre paper thin, it was White’s acidic opening monologue that stole the show. “I didn’t know what Facebook was,” she mused of the online campaign to have her appear as host, “and now that I do know what it is, I have to say, it

girl as plain as she is can go?”

sounds like a huge waste of time.”

HIS UNIQUE SKETCH COMEDY RETURNS TO BBC SCOTLAND (AND, FOR THE REST OF US, IPLAYER) NEXT WEEK, BUT BRIAN LIMOND ALSO ENJOYS WINDING PEOPLE UP ON THE INTERNET. HERE HE EXPLAINS WHY/HOW

GUIDE

TO
TO

12 The Guide

A I N S W H Y / H O W … GUIDE TO 12 The

M y name is Brian and I am a troll. An internet troll. I’m not one of these trolls that end up on the news; the ones that

make you go, “Oh my god, he

actually looks like a troll!” I don’t go on to RIP pages and post “Ha ha!” or tweet Simon Cowell that I’m going to cut his big, stupid face off. Not all trolls are the same; just like there are good witches and bad. But right now there’s a witch- hunt. A troll-hunt. Trolls are the trendy new thing for the tabloids to hate; trolls are the new paedos. Well, I’d like to distance myself from these New Paedos: I don’t want to get my door kicked in by

a mob and be tortured in a bath.

So let me tell you about my kind of trolling, a hobby of sorts, a fun and empowering way to annoy the

fuck out of people. Firstly, why do I do it? Why do

I want to annoy people? Because annoying people is funny. Why

is it funny? Maybe because I find

life and the people in it fucking

irritating at times, so to turn the tables now and then by being an absolute pain in the arse, well,

I

is

don’t know, it tickles me. For example, I enjoy trolling atheists. I’m an atheist myself, but arguing with the religious

infuriating, draining and it

actually hurts my head. Atheists

always seem to come out of religious arguments worse, in

terms of how much it ruins their day. I fancied switching sides, for a laugh, and so I tweeted, “It’s such

a shame that athiests will never know true love. #atheism.” Look at the misspelling of “atheists” – what pedant could

possibly resist that bait? Not many, and I must have had a dozen catches almost straight away. You know the type. Militants. Wanks. The type that have “atheist” in their bio, like anybody gives

a fuck. The type that searches

for #atheist on Twitter. And I

10-16 Nov 2012

I enjoy trolling atheists. Losing religious arguments always ruins their day argued with a handful

I enjoy trolling atheists. Losing religious arguments always ruins their day

argued with a handful of them

simultaneously for close to an hour, giggling like a schoolboy

as I typed, “Your going too hell!”

They didn’t know whether to go

after the religious debate or the grammar. It was hilarious.

A collection of atheists despairing

for humanity – and, for a change,

I wasn’t one of them.

But trolling isn’t just about winding people up for the sake

of it. It’s a great way to redress

the balance when you’ve been wronged; to put things right so

that you can get to sleep without grinding your teeth in anger. For instance, one night on

Xbox Live, a group of English gamers took the piss out of my Scottish accent, then buggered off laughing. A new lot came along

and did the same. Anything I replied with was repeated back to me in the voice of Scotty from Star Trek. I couldn’t win. I felt so powerless, so weak, so Scottish.

Until I started trolling. When the next lot of English came along, I put on a laidback American

accent and said, “Speak English, you dumbass Brits, speak the language we taught you.” As you can imagine, they went mental:

“It’s not your language, you obese, American tit, why d’you think it’s

called English?” My reply? “I can’t understand a word you are saying, you dumbass Brit. English, please. Speak English…”

I kept it going for hours,

different games, different players, sometimes adding in the odd reference to the Queen and saving

their ass in the war, right up until 5am the next day. And I can tell you, hand on heart, that it was one of the best nights of my life. In fact, my kind of trolling is sometimes so harmless that it will blow your mind. One thing I like to do is visit technical forums and ask for help regarding an entirely ctitious problem I’m having with my software. When I receive help,

I say, “Nope. Didn’t work.” If they

guide me to a button to click, I say, “Nope. Can’t see it.” Sometimes

I just reply with nothing but

“Nope”, and it drives them up the wall. But what’s mind-blowing about that? I just made it up. It never happened, there is no forum. Yet just the thought of annoying these non-existent people makes me smile. That’s next-level trolling right there.

I hope I’ve demonstrated the

difference been the styles of trolling, and that not all trolling is bad, not all trolls deserve to be followed on to a bus by a telly crew or jailed for six months. Trolling can be a great way to engage with the world, a way to regain self- esteem and happiness, or, dare

I say it, a way of life. Better still, I hope I have inspired you to dip your toe in and get involved yourself. If so, I’ll see you out there, and happy trolling •

Series three of Limmy’s Show starts on Monday, 10pm, BBC2 Scotland (UK-wide on Sky 990 and BBC iPlayer) and is available on DVD from 2 Dec. Follow Brian on Twitter @daftlimmy

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ILLUSTRATION: ROSE STALLARD@BREED

AS COMPETING CLANS JOSTLE FOR SPACE ON THE DANCEFLOOR, DISGRUNTLED CLUBBING VETERAN TONY NAYLOR OFFERS SOME LEARNED ADVICE ON THE DYING ART OF MIDNIGHT MANNERS

M usicusic cultureculture isis lessless tribaltribal thanthan itit hashas everever been.been. TheseThese days,days, you’reyou’re asas likelylikely toto ndnd notionalnotional indieindie kidskids atat aa dubstepdubstep nightnight asas youyou areare aa ChrisChris MoylesMoyles fanfan atat aa technotechno club.club. TheyThey don’tdon’t knowknow

whywhy they’rethey’re here,here, aa matemate draggeddragged themthem down.down. SuchSuch aa mixmix isis healthy.healthy. KindKind of.of. ButBut itit doesdoes meanmean thatthat clublandclubland isis nownow suffsufferingering asas thethe communicablecommunicable codecode ofof conductconduct fliesies outout ofof thethe window.window. TighterTighter clansclans say,say, self-policingself-policing punkspunks marshallingmarshalling thethe moshpitmoshpit knowknow howhow toto behavebehave aroundaround oneone another,another, butbut clubbersclubbers oftenoften havehave toto shareshare theirtheir spacespace withwith part-timerspart-timers inin needneed ofof aa lessonlesson inin discodisco etiquette.etiquette. So,So, please,please, paypay attentionattention

atat thethe back:back: here’shere’s aa newnew listlist ofof rulesrules forfor thethe dancefldanceflooroor

bumpbump intointo oneone another.another. IfIf someonesomeone stepssteps onon youryour pristinepristine trainers,trainers, don’tdon’t carrycarry onon asas ifif they’vethey’ve justjust urinatedurinated againstagainst youryour leg.leg. IfIf you’reyou’re notnot preparedprepared

InIn conficonfinedned spaces,spaces, drunkdrunk peoplepeople

toto endend thethe nightnight withwith aa layerlayer ofof “rave“rave scum”scum” onon youryour footwear,footwear, gogo home.home.

musicalmusical ecstasy,ecstasy, somebodysomebody smilessmiles atat you,you, smilesmile back.back. ClubbingClubbing isis communal.communal. EmbraceEmbrace that.that. IfIf thatthat samesame personperson thenthen offoffersers youyou aa swigswig ofof theirtheir waterwater and/orand/or aa

If,If, inin aa momentmoment ofof transcendenttranscendent

sniffsniff ofof theirtheir poppers,poppers, don’tdon’t looklook atat themthem asas ifif they’rethey’re handinghanding youyou aa fresh,fresh, steamingsteaming turd.turd.

AnyoneAnyone whowho finishesnishes theirtheir drinkdrink byby

launchinglaunching itit backwardsbackwards overover theirtheir headsheads deservesdeserves toto die.die.

• HasHas someonesomeone litlit upup inin thethe middlemiddle ifif thethe dancefldancefloor?oor? ThenThen sucksuck
HasHas someonesomeone litlit upup inin thethe middlemiddle ifif
thethe dancefldancefloor?oor? ThenThen sucksuck itit up.up. It’sIt’s
aa nightclub,nightclub, notnot aa meetingmeeting ofof thethe WI.WI.
ButBut what’swhat’s that?that? Smoking’sSmoking’s banned?banned?
CigarettesCigarettes kill?kill? True.True. ButBut notnot asas
quicklyquickly asas self-righteousself-righteous twonkstwonks
killkill aa goodgood night’snight’s atmosphere.atmosphere.
• IfIf youyou needneed toto validatevalidate youryour
evening’sevening’s experienceexperience notnot byby dancingdancing
butbut byby constantlyconstantly updatingupdating youryour
FacebookFacebook pagepage oror uploadinguploading footagefootage
toto YouTube,YouTube, thenthen getget yourselfyourself offoff
thethe dancedanceflfloor.oor.
inin Berghain,Berghain, aa clubclub 80%80% populatedpopulated
byby musclemuscle Marys,Marys, whowho complained,complained,
“Music’s“Music’s allall right,right, butbut it’sit’s bitbit fuckingfucking
gay,gay, innit?”innit?” AndAnd peoplepeople saysay thethe doordoor
policypolicy isis tootoo strict.strict.

DoDo youyou oror youryour matesmates ndnd itit funnyfunny oror

unnervingunnerving thatthat “it’s“it’s fullfull ofof rightright weirdosweirdos inin here”?here”? ThenThen stopstop laughinglaughing andand getget youryour coat.coat. TheThe freaksfreaks ownown thethe night,night, andand you’reyou’re justjust aa guest.guest. StraightStraight folkfolk havehave thethe wholewhole worldworld toto choosechoose fromfrom – football,football, Ikea,Ikea, SaturdaySaturday nightnight ITVITV andand youyou reallyreally don’tdon’t havehave toto bebe here.here. ClassicClassic example?example? AA blokebloke thethe GuideGuide onceonce metmet

If you’re not prepared to end the night with rave scum on your trainers, go home

Don’t harass the DJ. They’re being paid to play music, you’re paying to see them

Gents,Gents, doesdoes youryour “dance“dance routine”routine” looklook likelike anan AmericanAmerican footballfootball teamteam celebratingcelebrating aa touchdown,touchdown, oror oldold footagefootage ofof aa ShamSham 6969 gig?gig? ThenThen you’reyou’re doingdoing itit wrong.wrong. YourYour behaviourbehaviour shouldshould notnot aggressivelyaggressively invadeinvade anyone’sanyone’s space.space.

sneeringsneering atat anybodyanybody whowho crossescrosses youryour path.path. MenMen areare notnot thethe enemy.enemy. NorNor areare otherother women.women. DoDo notnot trytry andand recreaterecreate aa bitchybitchy AmericanAmerican high-schoolhigh-school promprom inin whatwhat isis aa club-spaceclub-space fullfull ofof perfectlyperfectly reasonablereasonable people.people. You’reYou’re worriedworried thatthat you’llyou’ll loselose youryour mates?mates? That’sThat’s thethe point!point!

TheThe queuequeue toto getget inin waswas long.long. TheThe

Now,Now, lightenlighten up.up.

cloakroomcloakroom queuequeue isis longer.longer. You’reYou’re desperatedesperate forfor aa drinkdrink andand thethe barbar staffstaff areare useless.useless. You’reYou’re tense.tense. Don’tDon’t pushpush in,in, aa ballball ofof badbad bodybody language.language. Instead,Instead, letlet someonesomeone who’swho’s beenbeen queuingqueuing longerlonger getget servedserved rst.rst. ThatThat goodgood deeddeed willwill teetee upup youryour night.night. ItIt willwill putput youyou inin anan altogetheraltogether moremore positivepositive headhead space.space.

ThereThere isis aa wayway ofof workingworking youryour wayway

throughthrough aa packedpacked crowd:crowd: slowly,slowly, sayingsaying “excuse“excuse me”,me”, aa gentlegentle handhand inin thethe smallsmall ofof someone’ssomeone’s backback toto indicateindicate you’reyou’re comingcoming through.through. HurlingHurling yourselfyourself intointo thethe meleemelee likelike you’reyou’re aa enragedenraged propprop forwardforward or,or, worse,worse, aa pissed-uppissed-up indieindie kidkid who’swho’s nevernever beenbeen outout clubbingclubbing

extraordinaryextraordinary thatthat somebodysomebody overover 3030 wouldwould stillstill bebe outout clubbing.clubbing. ButBut theythey are.are. SometimesSometimes forfor perfectlyperfectly legitimatelegitimate reasons.reasons. SoSo stopstop askingasking meme sorry,sorry, themthem ifif they’vethey’ve gotgot anyany drugsdrugs youyou cancan buy.buy.

IfIf you’reyou’re 18,18, itit mightmight seemseem

beforebefore isis poorpoor form.form. SeeSee also:also: carryingcarrying fourfour pintspints aboveabove youryour headhead andand spillingspilling mostmost ofof themthem onon youryour fellowfellow clubbers.clubbers.

InIn clubs,clubs, dodo youyou imposeimpose yourselfyourself

onon groupsgroups ofof girlsgirls onon thethe dancefldancefloor,oor, joiningjoining inin otherother people’speople’s mockmock “sexy“sexy

Don’tDon’t harassharass thethe DJ.DJ. ThisThis isn’tisn’t aa 21st21st

dancing”,dancing”, gettinggetting aa bitbit tootoo closeclose toto thethe moremore enthusiasticenthusiastic femalefemale dancers?dancers? ThenThen you’reyou’re notnot aa clubber.clubber. You’reYou’re aa sexsex pest.pest.

BeBe nicenice toto yerers.yerers. ThereThere isis nothingnothing

birthday.birthday. TheyThey don’tdon’t taketake requests.requests. There’sThere’s aa reasonreason theythey areare beingbeing paidpaid toto playplay musicmusic andand youyou areare payingpaying toto seesee them.them. YouYou don’tdon’t likelike theirtheir choicechoice ofof tunes?tunes? Tough.Tough. BadBad clubbingclubbing experiencesexperiences areare asas formativeformative asas greatgreat ones.ones.

moremore dispiritingdispiriting thanthan standingstanding outsideoutside aa clubclub atat 4am4am beingbeing ignored,ignored, abusedabused oror handinghanding peoplepeople yersyers thatthat areare thrownthrown

It’sIt’s notnot somethingsomething thatthat anybodyanybody

onon thethe groundground threethree feetfeet later.later. Plus,Plus, thosethose peoplepeople yeringyering maymay wellwell bebe

willwill admit,admit, II know,know, andand itit willwill comecome

asas aa shockshock toto many,many, butbut somesome peoplepeople whowho gogo toto clubsclubs dodo soso toto taketake drugs.drugs. SomeSome ofof themthem maymay gibbergibber atat you,you, particularlyparticularly ifif they’rethey’re comingcoming up.up. BeBe nice.nice. We’veWe’ve allall beenbeen there.there.

thethe samesame DJsDJs who’llwho’ll bebe ignoringignoring youryour requestsrequests andand knockingknocking backback youryour pissedpissed matesmates nextnext SaturdaySaturday night.night.

IfIf you’reyou’re shaggingshagging say,say, forfor argument’sargument’s

 

sake,sake, inin aa PortalooPortaloo atat Manchester’sManchester’s

Girls.Girls. YoungYoung girls.girls. You’reYou’re inin aa goodgood

WarehouseWarehouse ProjectProject thenthen youyou areare probablyprobably wayway pastpast thethe pointpoint ofof thinkingthinking

club;club; stopstop actingacting soso petrifipetrified.ed. YouYou don’tdon’t

needneed toto trailtrail aroundaround holdingholding handshands andand

aboutabout this.this. ButBut pleaseplease dodo locklock thethe doordoor

16 The Guide

Dd-dd Month 2011

SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK CERT TBC FREE PREVIEW SCREENINGS Artwork©2012 The Weinstein Company.All Rights Reserved.

SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK

CERT TBC

FREE PREVIEW SCREENINGS

SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK CERT TBC FREE PREVIEW SCREENINGS Artwork©2012 The Weinstein Company.All Rights Reserved. To

Artwork©2012 The Weinstein Company.All Rights Reserved.

To view the film trailer go to www.silverliningsplaybookmovie.com

You’ve never met anyone like PAT (Bradley Cooper – THE HANGOVER) – he’s lost everything; his house, his job, and his wife and now finds himself living back with his mother and father (Robert DeNiro – MEET THE PARENTS) after a stint in a state institution

PAT’s never met anyone like TIFFANY (Jennifer Lawrence – THE HUNGER GAMES) - a quirky, ballsy girl with quite a few problems of her own

In the feel-good romantic comedy SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK, we meet both PAT and TIFFANY who embark on an unexpected friendship that gives us all hope that if you stay positive you might just have a shot at a silver lining!

In cinemas from 21st November

To download tickets go to: showfilmfirst.com and use code: 115491

BURY ST EDMUNDS Abbeygate Picturehouse

STRATFORD-UPON-AVON Picturehouse

LONDON Stratford East Picturehouse

LONDON Greenwich Picturehouse

LONDON The Gate, Notting Hill

LONDON The Ritzy, Brixton

LONDON Clapham Picturehouse

LONDON Hackney Picturehouse

LONDON Lexi, Kensal Rise

The promotion is open to all UK residents, excluding households of employees of Guardian News
The promotion is open to all UK residents, excluding households of employees of Guardian News and Media Limited, Entertainment Films and their agents
or anyone professionally associated with this promotion. Tickets are subject to availability and will be allocated on a first come, first served basis via
www.showfilmfirst.com. Each reader may claim up to two tickets. Readers who successfully book tickets must present this page with the ticket and have ID
available if required. No photocopies of the page will be accepted. The tickets are not for resale. No cash alternative. No late admittance. The cinema reserves
the right to refuse admission. In the event of a dispute, the cinema manager’s decision is final. For full terms and conditions visit: www.showfilmfirst.com
film Rock’n’roll glory, then addiction and death? John Patterson has heard it all before, but

film

Rock’n’roll glory, then addiction and death? John Patterson has heard it all before, but the story of Hole’s drummer has plenty of unique twists

* The first thing to say

about the rock doc Hit

So Hard is that, really,

you’ve heard this story a million

times. The second is, so what? It’s

a great story. Tell it again. Nothing’s more toothsome

than a narcotic-assisted rock’n’roll swan dive from the top of the pops to the bottom of the barrel. Sometimes, as here, there’s a late bounce back towards recovery and sanity; but too often, all you’re left with is a cadaver choked on its own vomit with a needle still in its arm. The survivor’s tale has the compensatory afterglow of optimism, all horrors viewed through the retrospective scrim of rehab and hard-won sobriety. This way you get no corpse, no legendary status, no crowd of ghouls around the grafitti-covered gravestone, but you do get some great stories (Keith Richards’s Life and Iggy Pop’s 1982 memoir I Need More being just two of note). Hit So Hard isn’t as exciting, but this version of the same trajectory has some cool twists and a sparkling supporting cast of junkies and exquisite corpses, plus

a few real legends on the sidelines.

That’s because Patty Schemel was the drummer for Hole, the woman Courtney Love called “my drummer”. Galvanising the story are Schemel’s lesbianism, her status as one of – then – relatively few women drummers, and that she emerged in the twin contexts of Seattle grunge and the riot grrrl movement, still a hugely inspirational moment for women in rock’n’roll. That’s to say nothing

for women in rock’n’roll. That’s to say nothing Love factually: Courtney Love and new rock-doc star,

Love factually: Courtney Love and new rock-doc star, Hole drummer Patty Schemel

of the volatile, polarising presence of Love herself. Among the great moments:

Schemel’s mother’s account, quite heartbreaking, of her daughter coming out in high school; lesbian singer Phranc insisting the grunge uniform of jeans-plus-plaid was

witnessed so much tragedy and mayhem. First came the suicide of Kurt Cobain – the musical genius of his generation and husband of her own bandleader – four days before Hole’s second album came out. Two months later, Hole’s bassist Kristen Pfaff overdosed

Nothing is more toothsome than a narcotic-assisted swandive to the bottom

copped from the 70s lesbian

scene (not Neil Young?); Patty’s favourite movie being The Man With The Golden Arm; and the realisation that the only sane and sober person in one of the most pioneering female bands of the last 20 years was, wait, the only guy in the band? Director-writer P David Ebersole has too much to tell here, and sometimes Schemel is becalmed in the sidelines of her own story, perhaps because she

on heroin. But while the central story here is all too familiar, the stuff in the margins offers many excitements (tons of footage of Love being extra-naughty on tour, Cobain being a cute dad, etc). For the rest, Schemel gets strung out and then rehabs time and again, before ending up a homeless crackhead on LA’s Skid Row. Schemel is now married with a wife and a kid and a houseful of adopted dogs. Rehab works its wonders in mysterious ways •

in cinemas film

in cinemas film

KEITH BERNSTEIN, ALLSTAR/SUMMIT ENTERTAINMENT, JOHAN PERSSON

Out now

Alps (15) (Giorgos

Argo (15) (Ben Affleck, 2012, US) Ben Affleck, Bryan

Argo (15) (Ben Affleck, 2012, US) Ben Affleck, Bryan

gets the respect he deserves, from many of the biggest names he inspired (Spielberg,

Cameron, Jackson, etc).

Lanthimos, 2011, Gre) Stavros Psyllakis, Aris Servetalis, 93 mins. More audacious but coolly deadpan oddness from the Dogtooth director, this

The Sapphires (PG)

(Wayne Blair, 2012, Aus)

 

Chris O’Dowd, Deborah

time following a secretive group who provide a

surreal service for grieving relatives. The world’s a stage, Lanthimos hints, and most of us are crap actors.

Mailman, 103 mins. Lively musical crowd- pleaser in which a 1960s Aboriginal girl group, managed by the genial O’Dowd, overcomes racial barriers to entertain US troops in Vietnam.

My Brother The Devil

Cranston, Alan Arkin, John Goodman, 120 mins.

(15) (Sally El Hosaini, 2012, UK) James Floyd, Fady

Affleck’s rehabilitation is complete thanks to this unlikely-but-true collision of Hollywood sci-fi and Iranian politics. It looks and feels like a lost 1970s thriller, with perfect retro styling and slow-burning tension, all nicely undercut by a CIA agent’s crazy plan to use a Star Wars knock-off to spirit Americans out of revolutionary Tehran. A fake 70s thriller about a fake 70s sci-fi, based on a real story – what’s not to like?

Elsayed, 111 mins. Avoiding the cliches of the Brit urban drama, this handsome tale of immigrant brothers set on different paths feels more authentic and less flashy than most.

People Like Us (12A)

(Alex Kurtzman, 2012, US) Chris Pine, Elizabeth Banks, Michelle Pfeiffer. 114 mins. Unconvincing and somewhat overwrought weepie in which flashy exec

East End Babylon (18)

following the mystifying activities of its protagonist for some time before a sudden moment of violence changes everything.

Here Comes The Boom

Pine befriends his long-lost

(Richard England, 2012, UK)

(12A) (Frank Coraci, 2012,

half-sister without revealing their true connection.

Tim Armstrong. 101 mins. Punk’s skinhead/football

hooligan-friendly Cockney Rejects go over their tumultuous history.

US) Kevin James, Salma

Hayek, Bas Rutten. 105 mins. The big society in action?

Love Bite (15) (Andy De

Emmony, 2012, UK) Jessica Szohr, Ed Speelers, Timothy

Grassroots (15) (Stephen

Teacher James takes up cage fighting to fund his school’s music programme – with predictable results.

Gyllenhaal, 2012, US) Jason

Spall. 91 mins. Comedy-horror in which a teen’s dead-end summer is

Puiu, 2010, Rom/Fra/Swi/ Ger) Cristi Puiu, Catrinel Dumitrescu. 184 mins. A psychological thriller that doesn’t play by any rules,

Aurora (12A) (Cristi

Biggs, Joel David Moore, Lauren Ambrose. 97 mins. A shaggy journalist runs for election to Seattle’s city council in this David-versus- Goliath comedy.

Ray Harryhausen: Special

enlivened by both a smart American girl and a spate of werewolf attacks. Could they be related?

Effects Titan (PG) (Gilles Penso, 2011, Fra) 90 mins.

The stop-motion maestro

   

Out from friday

 

Coming soon

Coldplay Live 2012

• Coldplay Live 2012   • In two weeks Colin
 

In two weeks

Colin

Super-soft stadium rock in the cinema. Out from Tue

Firth returns in Gambit… Cops versus cartels in LA

Son Of Sardaar Ajay

thriller End Of Watch

Devgan gets caught in a fun

In three weeks

village feud. Out from Tue

Tents and murder in Sightseers… Ralph

Amour Death, old

age and love in Michael Haneke’s Cannes-winner.

Fiennes and Helena Bonham Carter in a new Great Expectations

The Twilight Saga:

Breaking Dawn Part 2 The vampire saga reaches its

In a month

Walken

Mental Toni Collette is an

debilitating illness.

and Farrell number among

climax, finally (pictured).

unorthodox Aussie nanny.

Hit So Hard Hole

Seven Psychopaths… RZA fulfils his kung-fu dreams in martial arts epic The Man With The Iron Fists

Happy Happy

Jason Becker: Not

drummer and grunge survivor Patty Schemel

reveals all.

 

Neighbourly infidelity in this Norwegian comedy.

Dead Yet Doc on the metal guitarist struck by

20 The Guide

10-16 Nov 2012

film

film
film • Bradford Animation Festival Animation might reach the parts live-action can’t, but it doesn’t always

Bradford

Animation

Festival

Animation might reach the parts live-action can’t, but it doesn’t always reach the audiences it could. So it’s only through events like this you’ll even find out what you’re missing. Led by the feature- length Crulic, which uses every style in the book to illustrate the real life and death of a Romanian hunger striker, there are hundreds of international features and shorts to discover, like Bruno Collet’s Son Indochine (above). Meanwhile, from the commercial end of the community, the makers of ParaNorman, The Pirates! and Lego Star Wars, among others, show both children and aspiring professionals how to get ahead in both film and gaming. There’s also a new documentary on the late John Halas (of Animal Farm) and reminiscences from Chuck Jones’s granddaughter.

STEVE ROSE

National Media Museum, Tue to 17 Nov, visit baf.org.uk

Cinecity: The Brighton Film Festival

Before Cinecity came along 10 years ago, this most movie-friendly of cities didn’t have a regular festival to call its own. The void has been decisively filled ever since, thankfully, and this year’s anniversary event springs up in venues across the city, including the Pavilion and The Basement, which becomes a pop-up cinema showing music films. There’s the expected

a pop-up cinema showing music films. There’s the expected roster of new international cinema, such as

roster of new international cinema, such as The Hunt (pictured), but off the beaten track are artists, films, live music, and a

celebration of the late Brighton-based film- maker Jeff Keen. SR Various venues, Thu to 2 Dec, cine-city.co.uk

Bath Film Festival

A mix of first-rate movies

and documentaries

that are either coming to a cinema near you, or came to a cinema near you, probably in Bristol, but you were

a bit busy at the time.

The new films include Mike Newell’s lavish Great Expectations, with Ralph Fiennes and Helena Bonham Carter (pictured), Dustin Hoffman’s seniors-

Bonham Carter (pictured), Dustin Hoffman’s seniors- friendly Quartet (Maggie Smith and Michael Gambon) and

friendly Quartet (Maggie Smith and Michael Gambon) and Martin “In Bruges” McDonagh’s

Seven Psychopaths. Recently overlooked releases are enhanced by shorts, novel locations and special guests, including the Guardian’s Peter Bradshaw (talking about Cleo From 5 To 7) and Hadley Freeman (on the documentary Diana Vreeland: The Eye Has To Travel). SR Various venues, Wed to 25 Nov, visit bathfilmfestival. org.uk

William Klein London

Perhaps it’s because he already had a day job

as a photographer (his

Tate exhibition is the excuse for this season),

or because, intellectually,

he was more French than American, but Klein’s lm career is unlike anyone else’s. On the one hand he made a trio of prescient, poppy, satirical features: Who Are You, Polly Magoo? (on the fashion world he knew so well); Mr Freedom; and The Model Couple (pictured). In between,

Mr Freedom; and The Model Couple (pictured). In between, he made documentaries on everything from Muhammad

he made documentaries on everything from Muhammad Ali to the French Open. Throw in his art direction of Louis Malle’s Zazie Dans Le Métro, and his role in

his friend Chris Marker’s legendary La Jetée, and this season gives you a rare chance to appraise a truly singular artist. SR Tate Modern, SE1, Fri to 20 Jan, visit tate.org.uk

film DVD Blu-ray releases

DVD releases film

film DVD Blu-ray releases DVD releases film

My Neighbour Totoro

Blu-ray, Studio Ghibli As soon as we finally cottoned on here in the west, Studio Ghibli quickly became a name as reliable as Pixar or Disney for high- quality animated features. However, when a film not only bears the Ghibli imprint but also that of the studio’s co-founder, Hayao Miyazaki, you’re not only guaranteed a great film but one that’s a serious contender for all-time classic status. My Neighbour Totoro was, along with Isao Takahata’s Grave Of The Fireflies (a movie it was paired with on its original release), really the start of Ghibli’s golden era. It saw them raising their game, including themes of death and loss to give real impact to their stories, making them equally effective to

Also out • Alan Partridge: Mid Morning Matters Alan’s back, on “cutting- edge” North Norfolk
Also out
Alan Partridge:
Mid Morning Matters
Alan’s back, on “cutting-
edge” North Norfolk
Digital. Vintage Partridge.
DVD, 2Entertain
Beavis And Butt-Head:
Volume 4 The duo have
extended their remit to
mocking reality shows
such as Jersey Shore.
DVD, Paramount
children and adults alike,
and as far from throwaway
entertainment as possible.
Totoro tells its fable from
the point of view of two
pre-teen sisters who’ve
moved to the countryside
with their father in order
to be close to their mother,
who’s recovering from an
unnamed but serious illness.
In an unfamiliar place, and
a situation they don’t fully
understand, they meet
large, furry, forest-spirit
creature Totoro, kind of an
oversized cross between an
owl and a rabbit, who shows
them a world of magic and
splendour – two things
missing from their lives. It’s
faultless, and a film you can
visit at any point in your life
and still reap rewards from
viewing. One of Ghibli’s first
real classics, now on Blu-ray
for the first time.
Cosmopolis David
Cronenberg adapts
Don DeLillo as Robert
Pattinson sees his
world collapse.
DVD & Blu-ray,
Entertainment One
Excision A rather
promising oddball teen
movie that lets itself
down a little by jumping
PHELIM O’NEILL
to fully fledged horror.
DVD & Blu-ray, Monster
Pictures
by jumping PHELIM O’NEILL to fully fledged horror. DVD & Blu-ray, Monster Pictures 22 The Guide

22 The Guide

10-16 Nov 2012

music Alt-J are too drippy and Drake’s too sleazy, so what should be on your

music

Alt-J are too drippy and Drake’s too sleazy, so what should be on your perfect seduction playlist? Let Harriet Gibsone update your sex mix

* The initial hello was predictably awkward. Your date looks markedly

more like Gregg Wallace/Hilary

Devey than stated on website. But dinner was good and your Bane impression went down a storm. Now you’re back at home where

a suitable soundtrack is required

to help calm those fumbling ngers. So what to play in this self-conscious scenario that won’t make your prospective partner recoil in horror? Luckily, in recent months, a growing number of artists from both sides of the equation have been exploring the indie/R&B crossover, blending sensitivity with sexuality; it’s a fusion that could make us all more comfortable when doing the nude hug. Here are some you may wish to add to your seduction selection.

BMX-rated: Lulu James and (below) the Weeknd
BMX-rated: Lulu James
and (below) the Weeknd
selection. BMX-rated: Lulu James and (below) the Weeknd The indie/R&B fusion could make us all more
selection. BMX-rated: Lulu James and (below) the Weeknd The indie/R&B fusion could make us all more

The indie/R&B fusion could make us all more comfortable doing the nude hug

LULU JAMES BE SAFE While James’s vocals are consumed by heartfelt emotion, this piece of nocturnal soul is given a frisky little lift with teases of drum’n’bass. Plus, if you roll over and catch a glimpse of the track name in your iTunes it could prove a beneficial

reminder. Thank me later.

JEREMIH FEAT NATASHA MOSLEY FUCK U ALL THE TIME Only the bold, drunk or Colin Farrell would begin procedures

with this track. But despite the brazen lyrics, slick production turns the potentially porno into

a pretty paean. Mosley’s sugary

vocals sound so doe-eyed it’s as

if she’s actually singing, “I could

look into your big lovely eyes all the time, you kind man”.

THE WEEKND WICKED GAMES

“Just tell me you love me”, pleads Toronto R&B enigma the Weeknd in this slow grind. A sassy striptease of

a song which bears only 2% per cent

resemblance to the Chris Isaac hit. THE XX CHAINED The xx have soundtracked another year of post-dinner party sex with Coexist. Distract yourself from scrubbing the casserole dish with Chained. A dubstep skip quickens the song’s pulse till it ends – for want of a better word – prematurely. Just make sure you don’t • You can hear these songs and more in Spotify at http://spoti.fi/TcvR9u

ANGO TRUE BLUE

“Always come back to you/ There

is no substitute/ No one does

what you do”, Ango coos, this sultry confessional starting like a spaced-out slow-jam until a garage interlude bounces in. A gorgeous moment of tipsy yearning.

INC THE PLACE Make sure you’ve vacuumed your shag-pile: LA brothers Daniel and Andrew Aged make music ifor

soft-focus fornication. With barely- there vocals (one verse seems to come out as “Hah-noh-dah-cha- somah-aha”) and an avant-funk guitar solo the Purple One would be proud of, Inc have made a groove so entrenched in sexuality it’s no surprise its top YouTube comment

is “annnnd now I’m pregnant”.

10-16 Nov 2012

The Guide 23

music

music

BILLY FARRELL AGENCY/REX

BOOKING NOW

music BILLY FARRELL AGENCY/REX BOOKING NOW Lana Del Rey is taking her sultry tunes and almost

Lana Del Rey is taking her sultry tunes and almost completely motionless performance on a European tour next year. She hits these shores for five dates (12-26 May, tour begins O2 Academy, Birmingham, ents24.com). Get ready for “the pout” … Speaking of lips, Mick Jagger and the boys are puckering up for the Rolling Stones’ 50th anniversary shows. Tickets aren’t exactly a steal, with the cheapest ones costing around the same

as a Kindle, but who needs e-books when you’ve got overpriced rock’n’roll? (25

& 29 Nov, The O2, SE10,

ticketmaster.co.uk) …

Sinéad O’Connor is back and she is about to head out on (wait for it) the Crazy Baldhead Tour. Of course, this is a nod to one of her heroes Bob Marley rather than a reference to herself (17 Jan-27 Mar, tour begins LSO St Luke’s, EC1, songkick.com) … After his recent Hackney Empire show, Squarepusher

is bringing his brand of

braindance to Camden early next year for another LED

v slap-bass spectacular (30

Mar, The Roundhouse, NW1, seetickets.com) … Finally, The Prodigy are doing a run of three Christmas shows

in Brixton (18-20 Dec, O2 Academy, SW9, seetickets. com) ensuring 2012 goes out with a bang

LANRE BAKARE

David Whitehouse This week’s new tracks

* PICK OF THE WEEK Animal Collective Applesauce (Domino)

What’s going on? Are they tuning in a radio? Is he saying “I feel like a little Byker Grove?” Is there a song in there? Keep shouting, Mr Song! We’ll find you somewhere underneath all of this glorious sonic rubble, twisted melody girders and the debris of a hundred ideas! Ah, there you are, safe and well, an unscathed piece of superior pop music, somehow Animal Collective’s most accessible yet, despite the ton of bricks on top of it at first glance.

despite the ton of bricks on top of it at first glance. What’s going on? Are

What’s going on? Are Animal Collective tuning in a radio? Is there a song in there?

Melanie C Feat Emma Bunton I Know Him So Well (Red Girl

Records) In which two former Nolans, sorry, Spice Girls, sing I Know Him So Well so unconvincingly it could have been the theme tune to the Jimmy Savile tribute show

last Christmas. Close your eyes and imagine a couple of Disney teapots singing to a dreaming princess and it just about begins to make sense. But, ultimately, it’s so aggressively West End sickly that the imagined Disney teapots start to vomit from their spouts, and everything, even our fantasies, is ruined.

Soundgarden Been Away Too Long

(Vertigo) It’s Nirvana, if they’d made the soundtrack to the classic Sega Mega Drive motorcycle game of

the 1990s Road Rash. Soundgarden haven’t been away anything like long enough. Here, Soundgarden, I’ve

already paid for my holiday next year and I want you to have it.

Theme Park Two Hours (Transgressive) Echo And The

Bunnymen’s Killing Moon, had it been sold drugs that turned out to be duds but managed to have a relatively nice time with its friends at a small house party anyway. It makes me wish I was

young and sexy. Then again, so does walking up the stairs. Just listen to the singer. “Can you feel anything?” he asks, “cos it’s bringing me down”. Actually, that sounds shit. Still, nice tune guys, thanks for coming.

The Weeknd Wicked Games

(Slumberland) Brave of the Weeknd (sorry mate, you’ve dropped this “e”) to try and take the Best Erotic Black And White Video award away from Chris Isaak with a track that has virtually the same name, but he’s made a decent fist of it. A vocal straight from the Terence Trent D’Arby book of infernal longing, and the kind of swearing you just don’t get enough in songs designed to make drunk people think they’re really good at shagging (see Music Column, p23).

The Killers Miss Atomic Bomb

(Vertigo) If Sting was peddling this galloping twaddle we’d all be chipping in for him to go to Dignitas. “You should have seen your little face/ Burnin’ for love, holdin’ on for love”, sings Brandon Flowers, which doesn’t just insult mine and your intelligence, it insults the intelligence of all sentient beings. Even cows, who presumably this is aimed at

music

music

ROS KAVANAGH; AUTUMN DE WILDE

music ROS KAVANAGH; AUTUMN DE WILDE • Esperanza Spalding London One of the newly risen mainstream

Esperanza

Spalding London

One of the newly risen mainstream stars of the

2012 London jazz festival, bassist and songwriter Esperanza Spalding shot out of the jazz cloisters to celebrity status when she pipped Justin Bieber to 2011’s Best Newcomer Grammy. Since then, the serious-minded but charismatic artist with the quiet soul voice and the flying bass technique (she’s played for no less a post-bop hero than saxophonist Joe Lovano) has introduced

a growing flock of fans

to her particular brand

of jazz-meets-classical eclecticism, often driven by funk. This year’s Radio Music Society album has more of

a pop flavour than

Spalding’s earlier work but her stage show is full of variety, from the mimicry of a radio slewing between stations with which it often opens, through call- and-response between the agile Spalding and her horn players, and interpretations of Wayne Shorter’s intricate

melodies. JOHN FORDHAM

Royal Festival Hall, SE1, Thu

26 The Guide

Joe Driscoll & Sekou Kouyate On tour

Driscoll (a rapper in the Ed Sheeran sense of the word) and Kouyate, an accomplished kora player, met at a French festival, and “festival” is pretty much the aroma that their music continues to give off. The latest in a series of such cross-cultural hook-ups, Driscoll & Kouyate are at times in

hook-ups, Driscoll & Kouyate are at times in danger of so loving the image of themselves

danger of so loving the image of themselves as collaborators and vaulters of cultural fences, they run the risk of forgetting the very thing they love –

the music. A mix of beats

and guitar loops, all laced with kora, it was possibly

a mistake for the pair to

try reggae, too. Still, since Kouyate is known as the “Jimi Hendrix of the kora”, this may be good

value live. JOHN ROBINSON

Bell Inn, Bath, Wed; The Croft, Bristol, Thu; Hootananny, SW2, Fri; touring to 8 Dec

Alabama Shakes On tour

When the Shakes renamed themselves the Alabama Shakes, they aligned themselves with the thrilling nexus of southern soul and rock made in the late 1960s and early 1970s. From the passionate vocalising of singer-songwriter Brittany Howard to the warm, churchy tones of the Hammond B3 organ, the band’s debut album, Boys & Girls, is what an Adele album might sound

like if she was backed by the White Stripes; and therein lies much of their

backed by the White Stripes; and therein lies much of their popular appeal. JR Manchester Academy,

popular appeal. JR Manchester Academy, Mon; Barrowlands,

Glasgow, Tue; Olympia Theatre, Dublin, Wed; The Coronet, SE1, Fri

Huddersfield Contemporary Music Festival

SE1, Fri • Huddersfield Contemporary Music Festival The blend of music – improvised and fully notated,

The blend of music – improvised and fully notated, instrumental

and electronic, theatrical and meditative – that Graham McKenzie has

(St Paul’s Hall, 17 Nov) through the UK premiere of Wolfgang Rihm’s large-

cultivated as artistic director of Huddersfield Contemporary

scale choral work Vigilia (St Paul’s Hall, 18 Nov), to a commission from

Music festival is well

composer-in-residence,

established. McKenzie has become an expert at

the Norwegian Maja SK Ratjke (Bates Mill, 18

finding new angles or new composers to place in

Nov), the first concert is Alan Pierson conducting

the spotlight. So, though

a

portrait of Donnacha

the opening weekend of the festival ranges from a

Dennehy (pictured, St Paul’s Hall, Fri).

recital by Nicolas Hodges

ANDREW CLEMENTS

devoted to the early piano music of Jean Barraqué

Various venues, Fri to 25 Nov

10-16 Nov 2012

music

music

Jack DeJohnette Group On tour

US percussion star Jack DeJohnette plays drum solos so melodically eventful they can sound like medleys of songs, but his illustrious

employers – a list that has included Thelonious Monk, Bill Evans, Charles Lloyd, John Coltrane, Miles Davis and Keith Jarrett – have primarily hired him for the kind of power and dynamism that makes the classiest lineups sound even better. But if DeJohnette has been an inspired accompanist, he has led

a vibrant parallel life as

a composer-bandleader,

and a gifted occasional pianist. He’s led cross- genre bands with unusual instrumental lineups, developed his own angles

on world jazz (drawing on Native American influences), and explored a quirky take on Latin jazz with clarinet virtuoso Don Byron, who joins him here. JF Royal Northern College Of Music, Manchester, Tue; Howard Assembly Room, Leeds, Wed, Corn Exchange, Cambridge, Thu; Queen Elizabeth Hall, SE1; touring to 21 Nov

Cambridge, Thu; Queen Elizabeth Hall, SE1; touring to 21 Nov • TNGHT London A partnership between

TNGHT London

Elizabeth Hall, SE1; touring to 21 Nov • TNGHT London A partnership between two producers, one

A partnership between

two producers, one from Scotland and one from Canada, TNGHT are proof of just how

widely the international language of hip-hop can be understood. Formed

of

(once a teenage turntable prodigy, now an in-demand producer for artists as big as Kanye West), and Lunice (a more engaging performer

Hudson Mohawke,

than you’ll often find behind a laptop, and an associate of Diplo). So far the pair have made one five-track EP, a slightly frightening template of industrial hip-hop beats, sped-up vocal samples

and industrial clanking. The pair’s shows are a ashpoint for a crowd derangement that looks certain to continue at this one-off date. JR Oval Space, E2, Thu

that looks certain to continue at this one-off date. J R Oval Space, E2, Thu 10-16
MICROSOF games Games news In the shadow of Halo 4 and next week’s Call Of

MICROSOF

games

Games news

In the shadow of Halo 4 and next week’s Call Of Duty, publishers are erring on the side of caution, leaving a slightly anaemic release schedule that includes Mass Effect Trilogy (Xbox, PS3, PC),

a box set of all three of

Commander Shepard’s outings and downloadable content; Saints Row The Third: The Full Package (Xbox, PS3, PC, pictured), last year’s wilfully nutty Saints Row episode along with all its post-release add-ons; and Tropico 4:

Gold Edition (Xbox, PC), yet another accessorised 2011 game. Marvel Avengers: Battle For Earth

(Xbox) is at least new if not very good, adding head- shakingly poor Kinect interaction to repetitive superhero battles. Also available to download

is The Greatest Video

Game Music 2, which has the London Philharmonic performing old favourites like the themes from Chrono Trigger, LittleBigPlanet and Skyrim among others. NG

Chrono Trigger, LittleBigPlanet and Skyrim among others. NG 28 The Guide • Halo 4 Xbox 360

28 The Guide

Halo 4 Xbox 360

Skyrim among others. NG 28 The Guide • Halo 4 Xbox 360 Waking up four years

Waking up four years after the end of Halo 3, the Master Chief and his pint-sized AI companion, Cortana immediately

get down to business escaping exploding space ships and mowing down alien invaders, the Covenant. New developer

343 Industries has made changes: the visuals are brighter and crisper, and vehicle handling spritelier. This is Halo with a spring in its step (and impressive co-op mode Spartan Ops), while new enemies the Prometheans come with their own firearms, giving this outing the greatest variety of the series so

far. NICK GILLETT

Microsoft, £34.99-£39.99

Assassin’s Creed III: Liberation PS Vita

Assassin’s Creed III:

Liberation takes place in New Orleans, joining its console-based big brother in revolution-era America and featuring the series’ first female protagonist Aveline de Grandpré. As well as the usual climbing and

stabbing skills, Aveline also dons disguises: as a slave she blends in with

Aveline also dons disguises: as a slave she blends in with labourers; as an assassin she’s

labourers; as an assassin she’s better in combat; and as a lady she can charm or bribe guards.

Disappointingly, the game usually railroads you into choosing one outfit, leaving you simply to get on and slit a few throats. There’s a bit of the bayou to explore, though not a lot to do, and things suffer when the action gets intense. Still, Liberation looks beautiful on the Vita. NG Ubisoft, £34.99-£36.99

LittleBigPlanet Karting PlayStation 3

Courses are littered with collectables, shortcuts and lovingly crafted scenery, and Stephen Fry’s voiceover is as sublime as ever but LittleBigPlanet Karting isn’t entirely successful. Its comical weapons make a little too much difference, especially in single-player mode, which lends proceedings

an unwelcomely random dimension. That aside, there’s an incredible amount to do, from mini- games to platforming levels to an astonishingly comprehensive level editor, squeezing a vast quantity of entertainment from its sack-people and weaponised go-karts. NG Sony, £39.99

a vast quantity of entertainment from its sack-people and weaponised go-karts. N G Sony, £39.99 10-16

10-16 Nov 2012

STEVE BLACK; ED MOORE comedy • Frisky And Mannish: Extra Curricular Activities Huddersfield, Stockton-on-Tees For

STEVE BLACK; ED MOORE

comedy

Frisky And Mannish: Extra Curricular Activities Huddersfield, Stockton-on-Tees

For a good few years now, Laura Corcoran and Matthew Floyd Jones have been steadily building a remarkable following for the mixture of musical mash-ups and outrageous stage antics they provide under the guise of Frisky And Mannish. Impressively, despite minimal TV exposure, they’re touring sizable theatres regularly, and playing to a devoted audience that laps up their dazzlingly

to a devoted audience that laps up their dazzlingly inventive subversions of pop favourites. Thus far,

inventive subversions of pop favourites. Thus far, they’ve created a string of shows linking their musical parodies to

rites of passage: tackling school days, going to college, and trying (or failing) to get a job. This time the narrative thread

is looser, with pop

music being the only real theme. Their genuine passion for the art form

is evident in everything

they do, whether it’s splicing together Kate Bush and Kate Nash, or showing the world what the Carpenters would sound like reimagined as a grime duo.

JAMES KETTLE

Lawrence Batley Theatre, Huddersfield, Thu; Arc, Stockton-on-Tees, Fri; touring to 20 Dec

Brian Gittins London

You may well not have heard of him yet, but David Earl is a hugely prolific, wildly inventive comedy talent. He creates spoof video-blogs in the guise of ageing hipster Steve Cumberland (AKA Cumbo). He writes wildly inappropriate sex tips on Twitter as supposed therapist Dr Peter

Thraft. But his crowning glory is the revoltingly seedy Brian Gittins, a roadside cafe owner with delusions of a career in showbusiness. Once part of a double act with Dan Skinner’s similar oddball Angelos Epithemiou, Gittins is a regular fixture at west London club night Knock2Bag, where you’ll

fixture at west London club night Knock2Bag, where you’ll find him reciting strings of gloriously appalling

find him reciting strings of gloriously appalling jokes and equally misconceived song-and-dance routines.

A fully-realised comic

character, you feel it won’t be long before Earl has a proper screen vehicle of his own. JK Outside The Box, Kingston upon Thames, Mon; Knock2Bag, W12; Wed

Super Sing-Along Fundraiser London

It’s a bit much to expect standup comedians to sort out each mess the government creates but every little helps. So hats off to those acts coming together this week to support the Sing-Along Song group, an initiative that introduces the under-fives to the joys of singing, now threatened

the under-fi ves to the joys of singing, now threatened with closure following the withdrawal of

with closure following the withdrawal of its SureStart funding. The organisers have managed to corral an impressive lineup of talent, including observationalist Lucy Porter, high-energy Canadian maverick Tony Law and the always excellent (and occasionally musical)

Nick Helm (pictured), whose furiously bellowed rants about sex and rejection may not be entirely suitable for small children, but provide top- class entertainment for the rest of us. JK Church Of Our Most Holy Redeemer, EC1, Thu; see supersingalongfundraiser. ticketsource.co.uk

clubs • Tempo Clash Bristol After being deported from the US – where he was

clubs

clubs • Tempo Clash Bristol After being deported from the US – where he was an

Tempo Clash Bristol

After being deported from the US – where he was an intergral part of the “LA beat scene” alongside Flying Lotus et al – Justin “Kutmah” McNulty has settled in London and taken his broken beat and hip-hop selections around the UK. LA’s loss is truly our gain and he’s not been moping since getting the boot. The beatsmith has his own show on Dalston’s NTS Radio and set up the successful bass bash Tempo Clash as well. He’s joined at the collective’s first Bristolian outing by fellow resident Om

30 The Guide

Unit, as well as recent Young Turk signing and Hoya:Hoya resident Illum Sphere and Deep Medi’s own Quest. It’s the kind of bill “on it” promoters such as Crazy Legs have been putting on to counter the heft of the In:Motion mega lineups that have descended on the city lately. The second room isn’t to be sniffed at either, with Bristol’s much-lauded Young Echo crew ensuring the city’s bass-driven lineage continues to hit the low

notes. LANRE BAKARE

The Exchange, Old Market Street, Sat

25: Electronic Music In Belfast

Strange as it may seem, just as Northern Ireland’s Troubles were approaching their

interviews and legacy events takes place at the Ulster Hall buildings, as part of the annual Belfast Music Week festival. In the Group Theatre,

nadir in the late 1980s, Belfast was developing

a

lively acid house

upcoming local producers MMoths, Ryan Vail, Kab Driver & Defcon play live sets, while the Main Hall hosts homegrown acts Phil Kieran and Space Dimension Controller, topped off by a performance from Orbital, playing their first live show for over 20 years in the city after which they named their classic 1991 track.

PATRIC BAIRD

scene as promoters commandeered derelict and bomb-damaged buildings for their weekend parties. Among those at the forefront was the young David Holmes: hairdresser by day, groundbreaking DJ by night ( now, of course, an international pioneer of electronic music). To celebrate the city’s long heritage of dance music culture, an all-day tribute incorporating workshops,

Ulster Hall, Bedford Street, Sat

The Life Acidic London

The chance to rave aboard a converted East German industrial fishing vessel was billed as one of the highlights of this

of Squarepusher’s Tom) and DMX Krew (above). D’Arcangelo and Roy Of The Ravers are also

of Squarepusher’s Tom) and DMX Krew (above). D’Arcangelo and Roy Of The Ravers are also aboard, proving that if there’s one thing acid

summer’s ill-fated Bloc festival. The MS Stubnitz

is

still moored in King

George V Docks, where it’s being used as a novel afterparty destination and a sympathetic home for one-off leftfield electronic nights such

as this. The Life Acidic

is

headlined by two

heads love more than a Roland TB-303, it’s a

cheesy pun. SAM RICHARDS

stalwarts of the post- Aphex acid revival scene, Ceephax Acid Crew (AKA Andy Jenkinson, brother

King George V Docks, E16, Sat

10-16 Nov 2012

clubs