The 129 Best

Things
Anyone Ever Said

Apostolos Karanikolos

-1-
 No one thing is true. It’s all true.

Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961) American

author, 1954 Nobel Prize in literature

-2-
Table of Contents

Introduction, 4
Wit, 5
Wisdom, 20
Humor, 37
Index, 53
Bushido Code, 57

-3-
Introduction

Thank you for your interest in this book. It

really contains the 129 best things anyone ever
said in the subjects of “Wit-Wisdom-Humor”.

This free book is a part of the bigger book with

the 529 best things anyone ever said.

For a small cost the bigger book is available at

http://en.Mr-Wit.eu

In the end of the book you’ll find the author’s

index and the Bushido code.

Apostolos Karanikolos
January 26, 2009

-4-
 Chapter1 - Wit

>> Wit: the ability to use words and ideas

in a clever, amusing and imaginative way.

-5-
 -1-
There will be a time when you’ll believe
that everything is finished. That will be the
beginning.

Louis l’Amour (1908-1988) American writer

-2-
In every phenomenon the beginning
remains always the most notable moment.

Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881) Scottish writer

-3-
I saw the angel in the marble and carved
until I set him free.

Michelangelo (1475-1564) Italian sculptor

-6-
 -4-
We are each of us angels with only one
wing, and we can only fly by embracing
one another.

Luciano de Crescenzo (1928- ) Italian writer

-5-
Absence diminishes mediocre loves and
increases great ones, as the wind
extinguishes candles and fans fires.

Francois de la Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)

French writer

-6-
Ignorance is the night of the mind, but a
night without moon and without stars.

Confucius (551-479 bC) Chinese philosopher

-7-
 -7-
The truth is a living thing. This living thing
is what you actually are.

Jiddu Krishnamurti (1895-1986) Indian

philosopher

-8-
The opposite of a correct statement is a
false statement. But the opposite of a
profound truth may well be another
profound truth.

Niels Bohr (1885-1962) Danish physicist, 1922

Nobel Prize in physics

-9-
A dead thing can go with the stream, but
only a living thing can go against it.

Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936) English

writer

-8-
 -10-
People say, “I want peace”. If you remove
I {ego}, and your want {desire}, you are
left with peace.

Sathya Sai Baba (1927- ) Indian religious

leader

-11-
If you really want to understand
something, try to change it.

Kurt Lewin (1890-1947) German psychologist

-12-
You can pretend to be serious but you
can’t pretend to be funny.

Sacha Guitry (1885-1957) French actor

-9-
 -13-
One never goes so far as when one doesn’t
know where one is going.

Johan Wolfgang Goethe (1749-1832) German

dramatist

-14-
Whatever you do will be insignificant, but
it is most important that you do it.

Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948) Indian leader

-15-
Laughter is the closest distance between
two people.

Victor Borge (1909-2000) Danish pianist

-10-
-16-
I have always thought that every woman
should marry, and no man.

Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881) British politician

-17-
You do not inherit the earth of your
ancestors, you borrow it from your
children.

Antoine de Saint Exupery (1900-1944) French

novelist

-18-
Having children makes you no more a
parent than having a piano makes you a
pianist.

Michael Levine (1954- ) American writer

-11-
 -19-
He knows nothing and thinks he knows
everything. That points clearly to a
political career.

George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Irish

playwright, 1925 Nobel Prize in literature

-20-
Each person is guilty for all the good he
didn't do.

Voltaire (1694-1778) French writer

-21-
A diamond with a flaw is worth more than
a pebble without imperfections.

Chinese proverb

-12-
 -22-
If you think you are too small to make a
difference, try sleeping in a closed room
with a mosquito.

14th Dalai Lama (1935- ) head of state of Tibet,

1989 Nobel peace Prize

-23-
Think like a man of action, act like a man
of thought.

Henri L. Bergson (1859-1941) French

philosopher, 1927 Nobel Prize in literature

-24-
Lead me, follow me or get out of my way.

George S. Patton (1885-1945) American

general

-13-
 -25-
Do not go where the path may lead, go
instead where there is no path and leave a
trail.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) American

poet

-26-
Experience is not what happens to a man;
it is what a man does with what happens
to him.

Aldous Huxley (1894-1963) British writer

-27-
The trouble with the world is that the
stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are
full of doubt.

Bertrand Russell (1872-1970) British

philosopher, 1950 Nobel Prize in literature

-14-
 -28-
We don’t stop playing because we get old;
we get old because we stop playing.

Nana (age 103)

-29-
It is not because things are difficult that
we do not dare; it is because we do not
dare that they are difficult.

Seneca the elder (54 bC-39) Roman orator

-30-
Either write something worth reading or do
something worth writing.

Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) American

diplomat

-15-
 -31-
Keep a green tree in your heart, and
perhaps a songbird will come.

Chinese proverb

-32-
Truthful words are not beautiful, beautiful
words are not truthful. Good words are not
convincing, convincing words are not good.

Lao-Tzu (570-490 bC) Chinese philosopher,

founder of Taoism

-33-
More than polite is rude.

Japanese proverb

-16-
 -34-
Don’t let one cloud obliterate the whole
sky.

Anais Nin (1903-1977) French writer

-35-
The eye sees only what the mind is
prepared to comprehend.

Henri L. Bergson (1859-1941) French

philosopher, 1927 Nobel Prize in literature

-36-
Beauty is the wisdom of women. Wisdom is
the beauty of men.

Chinese proverb

-17-
 -37-
The center of every man's existence is a
dream.

G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936) English writer

-38-
When you reach the top, keep climbing.

Zen proverb

-39-
When you are born, you cry and the world
is happy. When you die, you are happy and
the world is crying.

Tibetan proverb

-18-
 -40-
The sharpest sword is a word spoken in
wrath.

Gautama Buddha (568-488 bC) founder of

Buddhism

-19-
 Chapter2- Wisdom

>> Wisdom: the ability, developed through

experience, insight and reflection, to
discern truth and exercise good judgment.

-20-
 -41-
The beginning of wisdom is the awareness
of our ignorance.

Cleobulus (circa 560 bC) one of the 7 sages of

Greece

-42-
There are no big things. Only small things
with big love.

Mother Teresa (1910-1997) Albanian nun, 1979

Nobel peace Prize

-43-
Believe and act like it is impossible to fail.

Charles Kettering (1876-1958) American

inventor

-21-
 -44-
It is impossible to speak in such a way that
you cannot be misunderstood.

Karl Popper (1902-1994) Austrian philosopher

-45-
The greatest truths cannot be put in
words.

Lao-Tzu (570-490 bC) Chinese philosopher-

founder of Taoism

-46-
All truth passes through three stages.
First, it is ridiculed, second it is violently
opposed, and third, it is accepted as self-
evident.

Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860) German

philosopher

-22-
 -47-
No one thing is true. It’s all true.

Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961) American

author, 1954 Nobel Prize in literature

-48-
Do not look where you fell, but where you
slipped.

African proverb

-49-
For the things we have to learn before we
can do them, we learn by doing them.

Aristotle (384-322 bC) Greek philosopher

-23-
-50-
If you want to be happy, be.

Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910) Russian writer

-51-
The greatest gain is to give to others; the
greatest loss is to greedily receive without
gratitude.

Gautama Buddha (568-488 bC) founder of

Buddhism

-52-
The true measure of a man is how he
treats someone who can do him absolutely
no good.

Ann Landers (1918-2002) American advice

columnist

-24-
 -53-
Man is born to live and not to prepare to
live.

Boris Pasternak (1890-1960) Russian poet

-54-
A single conversation with a wise man is
better than ten years of study.

Chinese proverb

-55-
We judge ourselves by what we feel
capable of doing, while others judge us by
what we have done.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882)

American poet

-25-
 -56-
Man is not the sum of what he has already,
but rather the sum of what he does not yet
have, of what he could have.

Jean Paul Sartre (1905-1980) French

philosopher

-57-
The limits of my language are the limits of
my mind. All I know is what I have words
for.

Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951) Austrian

philosopher

-58-
Those who have knowledge, don’t predict.
Those who predict don’t have knowledge.

Lao Tzu (570-490 bC) Chinese philosopher,

founder of Taoism

-26-
 -59-
Facts do not cease to exist because they
are ignored.

Aldous Huxley (1894-1963) British writer

-60-
There is no king who has not had a slave
among his ancestors, and no slave who has
not had a king among his.

Helen Keller (1880-1968) American deaf-blind

educator

-61-
The world is the totality of facts, not of
things.

Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951) Austrian

philosopher

-27-
 -62-
If you do the small jobs well, the big ones
tend to take care of themselves.

Dale Carnegie (1888-1955) American

businessman

-63-
Bring your desires down to your present
means. Increase them only when your
increased means permit.

Aristotle (384-322 bC) Greek philosopher

-64-
In protecting oneself, others are protected.
In protecting others, oneself is protected.

Gautama Buddha (568-488 bC) founder of

Buddhism

-28-
-65-
We do not smile because something good
has happened; rather something good
happens because we smile.

Japanese proverb

-66-
They can because they think they can.

Virgil (70-19 bC) Roman poet

-67-
The rainbow would be even more beautiful
if the show was not for free.

Netherlands Antilles proverb

-29-
 -68-
To be deeply loved gives you strength, to
love deeply gives you courage.

Lao Tzu (570-490 bC) Chinese philosopher,

founder of Taoism

-69-
Courage is the first of human qualities
because it is the quality that guarantees
the others.

Aristotle (384-322 bC) Greek philosopher

-70-
First learn the meaning of what you say,
and then speak.

Epictetus (55-135) Greek philosopher

-30-
 -71-
Raise your sail one foot and you get ten
feet of wind.

Chinese proverb

-72-
No one could make a greater mistake than
he who did nothing because he could do
only a little.

Edmund Burke (1729-1797) Irish politician

-73-
In all things success depends on previous
preparation, and without such previous
preparation there is sure to be failure.

Confucius (551-479 bC) Chinese philosopher

-31-
 -74-
An advice is as good as the person that
gives it.

Francisco Goya (1746-1828) Spanish painter

-75-
We need to be the change we wish to see
in the world.

Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948) Indian political

leader

-76-
Everything that irritates us about others
can lead us to an understanding of
ourselves.

Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961) Swiss

psychiatrist

-32-
 -77-
When the pupil is ready to learn, a teacher
will appear.

Zen proverb

-78-
You can discover more about a person in
an hour of play than in a year of
conversation.

Plato (427-347 bC) Greek philosopher

-79-
Except our own thoughts, there is nothing
absolutely in our power.

Rene Descartes (1596-1650) French

philosopher

-33-
 -80-
There is strong shadow where there is
much light.

Johann Wolfgang Goethe (1749-1832) German

dramatist

-81-
Nothing is so firmly believed as what is
least known.

Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) French writer

-82-
At the center of your being you have the
answer; you know who you are and you
know what you want.

Lao Tzu (570-490 bC) Chinese philosopher,

founder of Taoism

-34-
 -83-
We promise according to our hopes and
perform according to our fears.

Francois de la Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)

French author

-84-
Fear cannot be without hope nor hope
without fear.

Baruch Spinoza (1632-1677) Dutch philosopher

-85-
There is no way to happiness. Happiness is
the way.

Gautama Buddha (568-488 bC) founder of

Buddhism

-35-
 -86-
Practice yourself, for heaven's sake, in
little things; and thence proceed to
greater.

Epictetus (55-135) Greek philosopher

-87-
We should give as we would receive,
cheerfully, quickly, and without hesitation.

Seneca the elder (54 bC – 39) Roman orator

-36-
 Chapter3- Humor

>> Humor: the ability or quality of

people, objects or situations to evoke
emotions or entertainment to other
people.

-37-
 -88-
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry
and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Douglas Adams (1952-2001) English writer

-89-
Only those who attempt the absurd...will
achieve the impossible. I think...I think it's
in my basement...Let me go upstairs and
check.

Maurits Escher (1898-1972) Dutch artist

-90-
Your work is good and original. But the
part that is good is not original and the
part that is original is not good.

Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) English writer

-38-
 -91-
If everything is under control, you are
going too slowly.

Mario Andretti (1940- ) American racecar driver

-92-
Don’t gamble; take all your savings and
buy some good stock and hold it till it goes
up, then sell it. If it doesn’t go up, don’t
buy it.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist

-93-
If you find yourself in a fair fight, you
didn’t plan it properly.

Nick Lappos Chief R&D pilot

-39-
 -94-
If money doesn’t make you happy give it
back.

Jules Renard (1864-1910) French writer

-95-
There is no human problem which could
not be solved if people would simply do as
I advise.

Gore Vidal (1925- ) American novelist

-96-
President’s Nixon motto was: “if two
wrongs don’t make a right, try three”.

Norman Cousins (1915-1990) American political

journalist

-40-
 -97-
It is even harder for the average ape to
believe that he has descended from man.

George S. Patton (1885-1945) American

General

-98-
Show me a sane man and I will cure him.

Carl Jung (1875-1961) Swiss psychiatrist

-99-
I hate advice unless I'm giving it.

Jack Nicholson (1937- ) American actor

-41-
-100-
I never lend books, because nobody ever
returns them. The only books I have in my
library are the ones other people lent me.

Anatole France (1844-1924) French writer

-101-
One day I went to the dentist. He said “Say
Aaah”. I said “Why?” He said “My dog’s
died”.

Tim Vine (1967- ) British comedian

-102-
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I
said I want a second opinion. He said okay,
you’re ugly too.

Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) American

actor

-42-
 -103-
Of course there’s a lot of knowledge in
universities: the freshmen bring a little in;
the seniors don’t take much away, so
knowledge sort of accumulates.

Abbott Lawrence Lowell (1856-1943) American

educator

-104-
Basically my first wife was very immature.
I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come
in and sink my boats.

Woody Allen (1935- ) American film director

-105-
I drink no more than a sponge.

Francois Rabelais (1492-1553) French writer

-43-
 -106-
I am not sincere, not even when I say I am
not.

Jules Renard (1864-1910) French writer

-107-
I have enough money for the rest of my
life, unless I buy something.

Jackie Mason (1931- ) American comedian

-108-
I have nothing, owe a great deal, and the
rest I leave to the poor.

Francois Rabelais (1492-1553) French writer

-44-
 -109-
I hate housework! You make the beds, you
do the dishes - and six months later you
have to start all over again.

Joan Rivers (1933- ) American comedian

-110-
Room service? Send up a larger room.

Groucho Marx (1895-1977) American comedian

-111-
When I was kidnapped, my parents
snapped into action. They rented out my
room.

Woody Allen (1935- ) American film director

-45-
 -112-
Look alive. Here comes a buzzard.

Walt Kelly (1913-1977) American cartoonist

-113-
It was wonderful to work for Wolfgang
Pauli. You could ask him anything. You
didn’t have to wonder if your question was
stupid, since he believed that all questions
were stupid.

Victor Frederick Weisskopf (1908- ) American

biologist

-114-
My life has no purpose, no direction, no
aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I
can’t figure it out. What am I doing right?

Charles Schulz (1922-2000) American

cartoonist

-46-
 -115-
I was x years old in the year x^2.

Augustus De Morgan (1806-1871) British

mathematician, when asked for his age

-116-
I was so ugly when I was born; the doctor
slapped my mother.

Henny Youngman (1906-1998) American

comedian

-117-
Are you going to come along quietly, or am
I going to have to use ear plugs?

Terence Alan Milligan (1918-2002) Irish

comedian

-47-
 -118-
Fill what’s empty, empty what’s full, and
scratch where it itches.

The Duchess of Windsor when asked what is the

secret of a long and happy life

-119-
The Mexicans gave the Spaniards malaria,
and the Spaniards gave the Mexicans
smallpox, whooping cough, diphtheria, and
syphilis. The Spaniards believed it was
better to give than to receive.

Will Cuppy (1884-1949) American humorist

-120-
A computer once beat me at chess, but it
was no match for me at kick boxing.

Emo Philips (1956- ) American entertainer

-48-
 -121-
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of
something stupid to say and then don't say
it.

Sam Levenson (1911-1980) American humorist

-122-
My grandfather always said, "Don't watch
your money; watch your health". So one
day while I was watching my health,
someone stole my money. It was my
grandfather.

Jackie Mason (1931- ) American comedian

-123-
Andrew Lloyd Weber gave to music what
Bombarder Harris gave to gardening.

Miles Kingston (1941- ) British music critic

-49-
 -124-
Women and Cats will do as they please.
Men and dogs had better get used to it.

Robert Heinlein (1907-1988) American science

fiction writer

-125-
When I turned two I was really anxious,
because I’d doubled my age in a year. I
thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m
six I’ll be ninety.

Steven Wright (1955- ) American comedian

-126-
I told my mother-in-law that my house
was her house and she said: “Get the hell
out of my property”.

Joan Rivers (1933- ) American comedienne

-50-
 -127-
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look
down to us. Pigs treat us as equals.

Winston Churchill (1874-1965) British

statesman, 1953 Nobel Prize in literature

-128-
I do not object when people look at their
watches when I speak, but I have serious
objections when they shake them to make
sure they are working.

Lord Birkett (1883-1962) British judge

-129-
Christmas at my house is always at least
six or seven times more pleasant than
anywhere else. We start drinking early.
And while everyone else is seeing only one
Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.

W.C. Fields (1880-1946) American comedian

-51-
 What we call the beginning is often the
end. And to make an end is to make a
beginning. The end is where we start from.

T. S. Eliot (1888-1965) English poet, 1948

Nobel Prize in literature

-52-
Index
A
Adams, Douglas, 88
Allen, Woody, 104-111
Andretti, Mario, 91
Aristotle, 50-64-70

B
Baba, Sathya Sai, 10
Bergson, Henri L., 23-35
Birkett, Lord, 128
Bohr, Niels, 8
Borge, Victor, 15
Buddha, Gautama, 40-51-64-85
Burke, Edmund, 72

C
Carnegie, Dale, 62
Carlyle, Thomas, 2
Chesterton, G. K., 9-37
Churchill, Winston, 127
Cleobulus, 41
Confucius, 6-73
Cousins, Norman, 97
Cuppy, Will, 119

D
Dalai Lama, 22
Dangerfield, Rodney, 102
Descartes, Rene, 79
Disraeli, Benjamin, 16
Duchess, of Windsor, 118

E
Emerson, Ralph Waldo, 25
Epictetus, 70-86
-53-
Escher, Maurits, 89

F
Fields, W. C., 129
France, Anatole, 100
Franklin, Benjamin, 30

G
Gandhi, Mahatma, 14-75
Goethe, Johan Wolfgang, 13-80
Goya, Francisco, 74
Guitry, Sacha, 12

H
Heinlein, Robert, 124
Hemingway, Ernest, 47
Huxley, Aldous, 26-59

J
Johnson, Samuel, 90
Jung, Carl Gustav, 76-98

K
Keller, Helen, 60
Kelly, Walt, 112
Kettering, Charles, 43
Kingston, Miles, 123
Krishnamurti, Jiddu, 7

L
L’Amour, Louis, 1
Landers, Ann, 52
Lao Tzu, 32-45-58-68-82
Lappos, Nick, 93
Levenson, Sam, 121
Levine, Michael, 18
Lewin, Kurt, 11

-54-
Longfellow, Henry Wadsworth, 55
Lowell, Abbott Lawrence, 103

M
Marx, Groucho, 110
Mason, Jackie, 107-11
Michelangelo, 3
Milligan, Terence Allan, 117
Montaigne, Michel de, 81
Morgan, Augustus de, 115

N
Nana, 28
Nicholson, Jack, 99
Nin, Anais, 34

P
Pasternak, Boris, 53
Patton, George S., 24-97
Philips, Emo, 120
Plato, 78
Popper, Karl, 44
Proverb, African, 48
Proverb, Chinese, 21-31-36-54-71
Proverb, Dutch Antilles, 67
Proverb, Japanese, 33-65
Proverb, Tibetan, 39
Proverb, Zen, 38-77

R
Rabelais, François, 105-108
Renard, Jules, 94-106
Rivers, Joan, 109-126
Rochefoucauld, François, 5-83
Rogers, Will, 92
Russell, Bertrand, 27

-55-
S
Saint-Exupery, Antoine de, 17
Sartre, Jean Paul, 56
Schopenhauer, Arthur, 46
Schulz, Charles, 114
Seneca (the elder), 87
Shaw, George Bernard, 19
Spinoza, Baruch, 84

T
Τeresa, Mother, 42
Tolstoy, Leo, 50

V
Vidal, Gore, 95
Vine, Tim, 101
Virgil, 66
Voltaire, 20

W
Weisskopf, Victor Frederick, 113
Wittgenstein, Ludwig, 57-61
Wright, Steven, 125

Y
Youngman, Henny, 116

-56-
The BushiDo code

Bushido, meaning “Way of the Warrior”,

is a Japanese code of conduct and the way
of the samurai life, loosely analogous to the
concept of chivalry. It originates from the
samurai moral code and stresses frugality,
loyalty, martial arts mastery and honour unto
death. Born of two main influences, the violent
existence of the Samurai was tempered by the
wisdom and serenity of Confucianism and
Buddism. Bushido developed between the 9th to
12th centuries.

-1- I have no parents.

The sky and the earth are my parents.

-2- I have no power.

Honor is my power.

-3- I have no means.

Discipline is my means.

-4- I have no magic power.

The internal force is my magic.

-5- I have neither life nor death.

The eternal is my life and my death.

-6- I have no body.

Bravery is my body.

-7- I have no eyes.

Lightning is my eyes.

-57-
-8- I have no ears.
Sensitivity is my ears.

-9- I have no parts.

Swiftness is my parts.

-10- I have no goals.

Opportunity is my goals.

-11- I have no miracles.

Destiny is my miracle.

-12- I have no principles.

Adaptability in all situations is my principle.

-13- I have no friends.

The mind is my friend.

-14- I have no enemies.

Ignorance is my enemy.

-15- I have no armor.

Will and justice are my armor.

-16- I have no castle.

The calmness of my mind is my castle.

-17- I have no sword.

The dream of my spirit is my sword.

-58-