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Mark Stickles Side Shadowing Research Essay 1. First Paragraph a.

The purpose is to introduce the topic of the essay as a whole. It is the opening paragraph where the reader first learns about what the topic is. b. The topic sentence here does its assigned job by setting the tone for the rest of the paragraph. c. The supporting sentences do not quite show the topic of the paragraph and will have to be altered. d. The concluding statement is about making a change, which leads to the rest of the argument so I do feel that it fits nicely. 2. Second Paragraph a. The purpose of this paragraph is to talk about how the players may see the game of football and how the times need to change for our children. b. The topic sentence talks about the lawsuit of the former and current players, I feel that this fits. c. The supporting sentences do not flow quite as easily as I would like them to. d. The concluding sentence is a question, which I feel leaves the reader thinking about themselves between paragraphs, in my eyes an effective method. 3. Third Paragraph a. The purpose of this paragraph is to talk about how the NFL concussion test is flawed. b. In the topic sentence I provide information to back the NFL it seems then I strip it from them, I feel that this is also an effective angle of writing. c. The supporting sentences fit the purpose here. d. The concluding sentence ends with players playing the game concussed or not which I feel like a good leading point into the next paragraph. 4. Fourth Paragraph a. This paragraph is about how the players that play through their injuries are affected. b. The opening sentence is about a well-known brain injury program. c. The supporting sentences to this are statistics recorded from the program about brain injuries to NFL players. d. The concluding sentence again asked a very good question about the approval of this in our society. 5. Fifth paragraph a. The purpose of this paragraph is to compare the NFL to other situations where brain injuries are common.

b. The topic sentence compared the NFL to the soldiers in combat. c. The supporting sentences go into detail comparing the injuries and how they need to be focused on in both organizations. d. The concluding sentence talks about being crazed fans, this will have to be changed. 6. Sixth paragraph a. This paragraph is the current concluding paragraph. b. The topic sentence is about how difficult it is to solve these litigations in a timely manner. c. The supporting sentence talk about how the problem exists and is not going to do away, also about how we would react if these was our children. d. The concluding sentence calls out for change and how the risk and reward here is not acceptable. 7. Overview a. More paragraphs need to be added between five and six with more explanation into the behind the curtain parts of the NFL. b. The order of these paragraphs is acceptable so far but more needs to be added, full paragraphs. When this happens the link between paragraphs cannot be left behind.