good listener will listen not only to what is being said, but also to what is left unsaid or only

partially said. Listening involves observing body language and noticing inconsistencies between verbal and non-verbal messages. For example, if someone tells you that they are happy with their life but through gritted teeth or with tears filling their eyes, you should consider that the verbal and non-verbal messages are in conflict. Listening requires you to concentrate and use your other senses in addition to simply hearing the words spoken. 1. Stop Talking We have two ears but only one mouth. Don't talk, although you may need to clarify when the other person has finished speaking. 2. Prepare Yourself to Listen Focus on the speaker. Put other things out of mind. 3. Put the Speaker at Ease Help the speaker to feel free to speak. Remember their needs and concerns. Nod or use other gestures or words to encourage them to continue. 4. Remove Distractions Focus on what is being said: dont doodle, shuffle papers, look out the window, or similar. Avoid unnecessary interruptions. 5. Empathise Try to understand the other persons point of view. Look at issues from their perspective. Let go of preconceived ideas. 6. Be Patient A pause, even a long pause, does not necessarily mean that the speaker has finished. Never finish a sentence for someone. 7. Avoid Personal Prejudice Try to be impartial. Dont become irritated and dont let the persons habits or manner distract you from what they are really saying. 8. Listen to the Tone Volume and tone both add to what someone is saying. 9. Listen for Ideas Not Just Words You need to get the whole picture, not just isolated bits and pieces. 10. Wait and Watch for Non-Verbal Communication Gestures, facial expressions, and eye-movements can all be important. (See Active listening is a skill that can be acquired and developed with practice. However, this skill is not as easy to acquire as you might assume and will, therefore, take time and patience. When you are able to practice good listening you will be able to distinguish it from bad listening (when full attention is not paid to the speaker). Try to be aware of how you communicate, what kinds of words you use, and how you use body language and gestures. The following techniques are used in active listening and, if you practice them often enough, you will develop your ability to listen actively and effectively. Maintain eye contact. Look at the speaker naturally, without staring. This will signal that you are listening to them and are interested in their message. Remain neutral and non-judgmental. Try not to take sides or form opinions, especially early in the conversation. Check your own body language and gestures. Ensure your own body language and gestures are not threatening. A relaxed body posture, leaning forward slightly, is usually interpreted as a sign that you are interested and engaged in listening. Accept pauses and periods of silence. Do not be tempted to jump in with questions or comments every time there is a few seconds of silence. Active listening involves giving the other person time to explore their thoughts and feelings, and you should ensure adequate time is given for that.. Encourage continuation. Use nods, facial expressions, gestures, encouraging words and sounds to show interest and understanding.

Give good voice messages. Check your volume, speed and pitch. Body messages. Your body language should support what you say and how you say it.

Blocks to Listening There are many things that get in the way of listening and you should be aware of these blocks in order to be an effective listener. Blocks can include: You find the comminicator attractive/unattractive and you pay more attention to how you feel about them to what they are saying. You are not interested in the topic/issue and become bored. Not focusing; being easily distracted. Feeling unwell or tired. Identifying rather than empathising. Sympathising rather than empathising. You are prejudiced or biased by race, gender, age, religion, etc. You have preconceived ideas. You make judgements. What is Reflecting? Reflecting is the process of paraphrasing and restating both the feelings and words of the speaker. The purposes of reflecting are: To allow the speaker to 'hear' their own thoughts and to focus on what they say and feel. To show the speaker that you are trying to perceive the world as they see it and that you are doing your best to understand their messages. To encourage them to continue talking. Reflecting does not involve you asking questions, introducing a new topic or leading the conversation in another direction. Speakers are helped through reflecting as it not only allows them to feel understood, but it also gives them the opportunity to focus their ideas. This in turn helps them to direct their thoughts and further encourages them to continue speaking. There are two main techniques of reflecting: Mirroring Mirroring is a simple form of reflecting and involves repeating almost exactly what the speaker says. Mirroring should be short and simple. It is usually enough to just repeat key words or the last few words spoken. This shows you are trying to understand the speakers terms of reference and acts as a prompt for him or her to continue. Be aware not to over mirror as this can become irritating and therefore a distraction from the message. Paraphrasing Paraphrasing involves using other words to reflect what the speaker has said. Paraphrasing shows not only that you are listening, but that you are attempting to understand what the speaker is saying. It is often the case that people 'hear what they expect to hear' due to assumptions, stereotyping or prejudices. When paraphrasing, it is of utmost importance that you do not introduce your own ideas or question the speakers thoughts, feelings or actions. Your responses should be non-directive and non-judgmental. It is very difficult to resist the temptation to ask questions and when this technique is first used, reflecting can seem very stilted and unnatural. You need to practice this skill in order to feel comfortable. Reflecting Content, Feeling and Meaning See Also: Listening Skills The most immediate part of a speaker's message is the content, in other words those aspects dealing with information, actions, events and experience, as verbalised

by him or her. Reflecting content helps to give focus to the situation but, at the same time, it is also essential to reflect the feelings and emotions expressed in order to bring them into sharper focus. This helps the speaker to own and accept their own feelings, for quite often a speaker may talk about them as though they belong to someone else, for example using you feel guilty rather than I feel guilty. A skilled listener will be able to reflect a speaker's feelings from body cues as well as verbal messages. It is sometimes not appropriate to ask such direct questions as How does that make you feel? Strong emotions such as love and hate are easy to identify, whereas feelings such as affection, guilt and confusion are much more subtle. The listener must have the ability to identify such feelings both from the words and the non-verbal cues, for example body language, tone of voice, etc. As well as considering which emotions the client is feeling, the listener needs to reflect the degree of intensity of these emotions as expressed by the client. For example: Intensity Emotion You feel a little bit sad/angry? You feel quite helpless/depressed? You feel very stressed? You feel extremely embarrassed? Reflecting needs to combine content and feeling to truly reflect the meaning of what the speaker has said. For example: Speaker: I just don't understand my boss. One minute he says one thing and the next minute he says the opposite. Listener: You feel very confused by him? Reflecting meaning allows the listener to reflect the speaker's experiences and emotional response to those experiences. It links the content and feeling components of what the speaker has said. Guidelines for Reflecting

Be natural. Listen for the basic message - consider the content, feeling and meaning expressed by the speaker. Restate what you have been told in simple terms. When restating, look for non-verbal as well as verbal cues that confirm or deny the accuracy of your paraphrasing. (Note that some speakers may pretend you have got it right because they feel unable to assert themselves and disagree with you.) Do not question the speaker unnecessarily. Do not add to the speaker's meaning. Do not take the speaker's topic in a new direction. Always be non-directive and non-judgmental. Interpersonal Skills: Communication What is Communication? Interpersonal Communication Skills Verbal Communication Non-Verbal Communication Listening Skills Barriers to Effective Communication Improving Communication

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Reflecting and Clarifying Negotiation and Meetings What is Negotiation? Frameworks and WIN WIN Negotiation Avoiding Misunderstanding in Negotiation Meetings Conducting a Meeting Problem Solving Decision Making What is a Problem? Stages of Problem Solving Investigating Ideas and Possible Solutions Decision Making The Decision Making Process Stress What is Stress? Stress in the Workplace Avoiding Stress Tips for Dealing with Stress Stress, Nutrition and Diet Therapeutic Laughter Avoiding Stress at Christmas Assertiveness What is Assertiveness? Why People are not Assertive Non-Assertiveness and Being Assertive Anger and Aggression What is Anger? Anger Management Anger Management Therapy Much research has been done to try to break down interpersonal communication into a number of elements in order that it can be more easily understood. Commonly these elements include: The Communicators For any communication to occur there must be at least two people involved. It is easy to think about communication involving a sender and a receiver of a message. However, the problem with this way of seeing a relationship is that it presents communication as a one-way process where one person sends the message and the other receives it. In fact communications are almost always complex, two-way processes, with people sending and receiving messages to and from each other. In other words, communication is an interactive process. The Message Message not only means the speech used or information conveyed, but also the nonverbal messages exchanged such as facial expressions, tone of voice, gestures and body language. Non-verbal behaviour can convey additional information about the message spoken. In particular, it can reveal more about emotional attitudes which may underlie the content of speech. Noise and

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Noise has a special meaning in communication theory. It refers to anything that distorts the message, so that what is received is different from what is intended by the speaker. Whilst physical 'noise' (for example, background sounds or a low-flying jet plane) can interfere with communication, other factors are considered to be noise. The use of complicated jargon, inappropriate body language, inattention, disinterest, and cultural differences can be considered 'noise' in the context of interpersonal communication. In other words, any distortions or inconsistencies that occur during an attempt to communicate can be seen as noise. Feedback Feedback consists of messages the receiver returns, which allows the sender to know how accurately the message has been received, as well as the receiver's reaction. The receiver may also respond to the unintentional message as well as the intentional message. Types of feedback range from direct verbal statements, for example "Say that again, I don't understand", to subtle facial expressions or changes in posture that might indicate to the sender that the receiver feels uncomfortable with the message. Feedback allows the sender to regulate, adapt or repeat the message in order to improve communication. Context All communication is influenced by the context in which it takes place. However, apart from looking at the situational context of where the interaction takes place, for example in a room, office, or perhaps outdoors, the social context also needs to be considered, for example the roles, responsibilities and relative status of the participants. The emotional climate and participants' expectations of the interaction will also affect the communication. Channel The channel refers to the physical means by which the message is transferred from one person to another. In face-to-face context the channels which are used are speech and vision, however during a telephone conversation the channel is limited to speech alone. When you have the opportunity to observe some interpersonal communication, make a mental note of the behaviours used, both verbal and non-verbal.

Observe and think about the following factors: Who are the communicators? What messages were exchanged? What (if any) noise distorts the message? How is feedback given? What is the context of the communication?

By observing others you will start to think about how you communicate and be more aware of the messages you send. Uses of Interpersonal Communication See also: Verbal Communication Interpersonal communication can be used to: Give and collect information. Influence the attitudes and behaviour of others. Form contacts and maintain relationships. Make sense of the world and our experiences in it. Express personal needs and understand the needs of others. Give and receive emotional support. Make decisions and solve problems. Anticipate and predict behaviour. Regulate power. Non-verbal messages allow individuals to:

Reinforce or modify what is said in words. For example, people may nod their heads vigorously when saying "Yes" to emphasise that they agree with the other person, but a shrug of the shoulders and a sad expression when saying "I'm fine thanks, may imply that things are not really fine at all! Convey information about their emotional state. Define or reinforce the relationship between people. Provide feedback to the other person. Regulate the flow of communication, for example by signalling to others that they have finished speaking or wish to say something.

Many popular books on non-verbal communication present the topic as if it were a language that can be learned, the implication being that if the meaning of every nod, eye movement, and gesture were known, the real feelings and intentions of a person would be understood. Unfortunately interpreting non-verbal communication is not that simple. As covered in our Interpersonal Communication page, the way communication is influenced by the context in which it occurs. For example, a nod of the head between colleagues in a committee meeting may mean something very different to when the same action is used to acknowledge someone across a crowded room. Interpersonal communication is further complicated in that it is usually not possible to interpret a gesture or expression accurately on its own. Non-verbal communication consists of a complete package of expressions, hand and eye movements, postures, and gestures which should be interpreted along with speech (verbal communication). The types of interpersonal communication that are not expressed verbally are called non-verbal communications. These include: Body Movements (Kinesics) Posture Eye Contact Paralanguage Closeness or Personal Space (Proxemics) Facial Expressions Physiological Changes Types of Non-Verbal Communication See also: Improving Communication When we communicate, non-verbal cues can have as great as an impact on the listener as the spoken word. There are many different aspects of non-verbal communication including: Body Movements (Kinesics) Body movements include gestures, posture, head and hand movements or whole body movements. Body movements can be used to reinforce or emphasise what a person is saying and also offer information about the emotions and attitudes of a person. However, it is also possible for body movements to conflict with what is said. A skilled observer may be able to detect such discrepancies in behaviour and use them as a clue to what someone is really feeling. Research work has identified the different categories of body movement that are detailed below with each category describing the purpose they commonly serve: Emblems: Gestures that serve the same function as a word are called emblems. For example, the signals that mean 'OK', 'Come here!', or the hand movement used when hitch-hiking. However, be aware that whilst some emblems are internationally recognised, others may need to be interpreted in their cultural context. Illustrators: Gestures which accompany words to illustrate a verbal message are known as illustrators. For example, the common circular hand movement which

accompanies the phrase 'over and over again', or nodding the head in a particular direction when saying 'over there'. Affect Displays: These are facial expressions or gestures which show the emotions we feel. These are often unintentional and can conflict with what is being said. Such expressions give strong clues as to the true emotional state of a person. Regulators: Gestures used to give feedback when conversing are called regulators, for example head nods, short sounds such as 'uh-huh', 'mm-mm', and expressions of interest or boredom. Regulators allow the other person to adapt his or her speech to reflect the level of interest or agreement. Without receiving feedback, many people find it difficult to maintain a conversation. Adaptors: Non-verbal behaviours which either satisfy some physical need such as scratching or adjusting uncomfortable glasses, or represent a psychological need such as biting fingernails when nervous. Although normally subconscious, adaptors are more likely to be restrained in public places than in the private world of individuals where they are less likely to be noticed. Adaptive behaviours often accompany feelings of anxiety or hostility. Posture Posture can reflect people's emotions, attitudes and intentions. Research has identified a wide range of postural signals and their meanings, such as: Open and Closed Posture: Two forms of posture have been identified, open and closed, which may reflect an individual's degree of confidence, status or receptivity to another person. Someone seated in a closed position might have his/her arms folded, legs crossed or be positioned at a slight angle from the person with whom they are interacting. In an open posture you might expect to see someone directly facing you with hands apart on the arms of the chair. An open posture can be used to communicate openness or interest in someone and a readiness to listen, whereas the closed posture might imply discomfort or disinterest. Mirroring: Notice the way a loving couple relate to each other. You might like to observe a close relationship in person or on television. You will see that the partners' postures will match, as if one partner is a mirror reflection of the other. For example, if one partner drapes an arm over the back of a chair this might be replicated in the other person's position. If one partner frowns, it could be reflected in the other partner's facial expression. This 'mirroring' indicates interest and approval between people and serves to reassure others of interest in them and what they are saying. Eye Contact Eye contact is an important aspect of non-verbal behaviour. In interpersonal interaction, it serves three main purposes: To give and receive feedback: Looking at someone lets them know that the receiver is concentrating on the content of their speech. Not maintaining eye contact can indicate disinterest. Communication may not be a smooth process if a listener averts their eyes too frequently. To let a partner know when it is their 'turn' to speak: This is related to the above point. Eye contact is more likely to be continuous when someone is listening, rather than speaking. When a person has finished what they have to say, they will look directly at the other person and this gives a signal that the arena is open. If someone does not want to be interrupted, eye contact may be avoided. To communicate something about a relationship between people: When you dislike someone, you tend to avoid eye contact and pupil size is often reduced.

On the other hand, the maintenance of positive eye contact signals interest or attraction in a partner. Paralanguage Paralanguage relates to all aspects of the voice which are not strictly part of the verbal message, including the tone and pitch of the voice, the speed and volume at which a message is delivered, and pauses and hesitations between words. These signals can serve to indicate feelings about what is being said. Emphasising particular words can imply whether or not feedback is required. Closeness and Personal Space Every culture has different levels of physical closeness appropriate to different types of relationship, and individuals learn these distances from the society in which they grew up. In today's multicultural society, it is important to consider the range of nonverbal codes as expressed in different ethnic groups. When someone violates an 'appropriate' distance, people may feel uncomfortable or defensive. Their actions may well be open to misinterpretation. In Western society, four distances have been defined according to the relationship between the people involved, the study of personal space is termed proxemics. This term was used by the anthropologist Edward Twitchell Hall: Intimate Personal Social Public Distance Distance Distance Distance (touching (45cm (1.2m (3.7m to to to to 45cm) 1.2m) 3.6m) 4.5m)

These four distances are associated with the four main types of relationship intimate, personal, social and public. Each of the distances are divided into two, giving a close phase and a far phase, thus making eight divisions in all. It is worth noting that these distances are considered the norm in Western Society: Intimate Distance: Ranges from close contact (touching) to the 'far' phase of 1545cm. In British society, it tends to be seen as an inappropriate distance for public behaviour and, as mentioned above, entering the intimate space of another person with whom you do not have a close relationship can be extremely disturbing. Personal Distance: The 'far' phase of personal distance is considered to be the most appropriate for people holding a conversation. At this distance it is easy to see the other person's expressions and eye movements, as well as their overall body language. Handshaking can occur within the bounds of personal distance. Social Distance: This is the normal distance for impersonal business, for example working together in the same room or during social gatherings. Seating is also important; communication is far more likely to be considered as a formal relationship if the interaction is carried out across a desk. In addition, if the seating arrangements are such that one person appears to look down on another, an effect of domination may be created. At a social distance, speech needs to be louder and eye contact remains essential to communication, otherwise feedback will be reduced and the interaction may end. Public Distance: Teachers and public speakers address groups at a public distance. Exaggerated non-verbal communication is necessary if effective communication is to occur. Since subtle facial expressions are lost at this distance so clear hand gestures are often used as a substitute. Larger head movements are also typical of an experienced public speaker who is aware of changes in the way body language is perceived at longer distances.

Understanding these distances allows individuals to approach others in nonthreatening and appropriate ways. Individuals can begin to understand how other people feel about them, how they view the relationship and, if appropriate, adjust their behaviour accordingly. As you can see, non-verbal communication is an extremely complex yet integral part of overall communication skills. People are often totally unaware of the non-verbal behaviour they use. A basic awareness of these aspects of communication strategies, over and above what is actually said, can help to improve interaction with others. Knowledge of these signs can be used to encourage individuals to talk about their concerns and can lead Effective verbal or spoken communication is dependant on a number of factors and cannot be fully isolated from other important interpersonal skills such as nonverbal communications, listening skills and clarification. Clarity of speech, remaining calm and focused, being polite and etiquette will all aid the process of verbal communication. This article is designed to help us think about how we and others communicate verbally, the processes involved and the steps we can take to ensure that verbal or spoken messages are received as intended. Opening Communication In many encounters, the first few minutes are extremely important as first impressions have a significant impact on the success of further communication. Everyone has expectations and norms as to how initial meetings should proceed and people tend to behave according to these expectations. If interpersonal expectations are mismatched, communication will not be effective or run smoothly, and negotiation will be needed if relations are to continue. At a first meeting, formalities and appropriate greetings are usually expected: such formalities could include a handshake, an introduction to yourself, eye contact and discussion around a neutral subject such as the weather or your journey may be useful. A friendly disposition and smiling face are much more likely to encourage communication than a blank face, inattention or disinterested reception. Reinforcement The use of encouraging words alongside non-verbal gestures such as head nods, a warm facial expression and maintaining eye contact, are more likely to reinforce openness in others. The use of encouragement and positive reinforcement can: Encourage others to participate in discussion (particularly in group work) Signify interest in what other people have to say Pave the way for development and/or maintenance of a relationship Allay fears and give reassurance Show warmth and openness. Reduce shyness or nervousness in ourselves and others. Effective Listening Active listening is a very important listening skill and yet, as communicators, people tend to spend far more energy considering what they are going to say rather than listening to what the other person is trying to say. Although active listening is a skill in itself, covered in our articles on listening, it is also vital for verbal communication. The following points are essential for effective and active listening: Arrange a comfortable environment conducive to the purpose of the communication, for example a warm and light room with minimal background noise. Be prepared to listen.

Keep an open mind and concentrate on the main direction of the speaker's message. Avoid distractions if at all possible. Delay judgment until you have heard everything. Be objective. Do not be trying to think of your next question while the other person is giving information. Do not dwell on one or two points at the expense of others. The speaker should not be stereotyped. Try not to let prejudices associated with, for example, gender, ethnicity, social class, appearance or dress interfere with what is being said. See also our section on Listening Skills. Verbal Communication Continued... Also see: What is Communication? Questioning Effective questioning is an essential skill. Questioning can be used to: Obtain information. Start a conversation. Test understanding. Draw someone into a conversation. Show interest in a person. Seek support or agreement. Closed Questions Closed questions tend to seek only a one or two word answer (often simply 'yes' or 'no') and, in doing so, limit the scope of the response. Two examples of closed questions are "Did you travel by car today?" and "Did you see the football game yesterday?" These types of question mean control of the communication is maintained by the questioner yet this is often not the desired outcome when trying to encourage verbal communication. Nevertheless, closed questions can be useful for focusing discussion and obtaining clear, concise answers when needed. Open Questions Open questions broaden the scope for response since they demand further discussion and elaboration. For example, "What was the traffic like this morning?" or "What do you feel you would like to gain from this discussion?" Open questions will take longer to answer, but they do give the other person far more scope for selfexpression and encourage involvement in the conversation. Reflecting and Clarifying Reflecting is the process of feeding-back to another person your understanding of what has been said. Although reflecting is a specialised skill used within counselling, it can also be applied to a wide range of communication contexts and is a useful skill to learn. Reflecting often involves paraphrasing the message communicated to you by the speaker in your own words, capturing the essence of the facts and feelings expressed, and communicating your understanding back to the speaker. It is a useful skill because: You can check that you have understood the message clearly. The speaker gets feedback as to how the message is received. It shows interest in, and respect for, what the other person has to say. You are demonstrating that you are considering the other persons viewpoint. See also our pages on Reflecting and Clarifying. Summarising A summary is an overview of the main points or issues raised. Summarising can also serve the same purpose as 'reflecting'. However, summarising allows both parties to review and agree the communication exchanged between them up to that point in

time. When used effectively, summaries may also serve as a guide to the next steps forward. Closing Communication The way a communication is closed or ended will, at least in part, determine the way a conversation is remembered. A range of subtle, or sometimes not so subtle, signals are used to end an interaction. For example, some people may avoid eye contact, stand up, turn their body away, or use behaviours such as looking at a watch or closing notepads or books. All of these non-verbal actions indicate to the other person that the initiator wishes to end the communication. Closing an interaction too abruptly may not allow the other person to 'round off' what he or she is saying so you should ensure there is time for winding-up. The closure of an interaction is a good time to make any future arrangements. Last, but not least, this time will no doubt be accompanied by a number of socially acceptable parting The importance of communication skills in interpersonal relationships cannot be stressed too greatly. An understanding of the factors that influence communication and effective communication skills are necessary in many areas of life. Of equal importance are the different types of non-verbal messages that lead to a greater understanding of communication. To be an effective communicator, you should take into consideration both the verbal and non-verbal components of messages. Empathise Empathy is trying to see things from the point-of-view of others. When communicating with others, try not to be judgemental or biased by preconceived ideas or beliefs - instead view situations and responses from the other persons perspective. Stay in tune with your own emotions to help enable you to understand the emotions of others. If appropriate, offer your personal viewpoint clearly and honestly to avoid confusion. Bear in mind that some subjects might be taboo or too emotionally stressful for others to discuss. Encourage Offer words and actions of encouragement, as well as praise, to others. Make other people feel welcome, wanted, valued and appreciated in your communications. If you let others know that they are valued, they are much more likely to give you their best. Try to ensure that everyone involved in an interaction or communication is included through effective body language and the use of open questions. Learn to Listen Listening is not the same as hearing; learn to listen not only to the words being spoken but how they are being spoken and the non-verbal messages sent with them. Use the techniques of clarification and reflection to confirm what the other person has said and avoid any confusion. Try not to think about what to say next whist listening; instead clear your mind and focus on the message being received. Your friends, colleagues and other acquaintances will appreciate good listening skills. Be Aware of Others' Emotions Be sympathetic to other people's misfortunes and congratulate their positive landmarks. To do this you need to be aware of what is going on in other peoples lives. Make and maintain eye contact and use first names where appropriate. Do not be afraid to ask others for their opinions as this will help to make them feel valued. Consider the emotional effect of what you are saying and communicate within the norms of behaviour acceptable to the other person. Treat People Equally Always aim to communicate on an equal basis and avoid patronising people. Do not talk about others behind their backs and try not to develop favourites: by treating people as your equal and also equal to each other you will build trust and respect. Check that people understand what you have said to avoid confusion and negative feelings. Encourage open and honest feedback from the receiver to ensure your

message is understood and to avoid the receiver instead feeding back what they think you want to hear. If confidentiality is an issue, make sure its boundaries are known and ensure its maintenance. Attempt to Resolve Conflict Learn to troubleshoot and resolve problems and conflicts as they arise. Learn how to be an effective mediator and negotiator. Use your listening skills to hear and understand both sides of any argument - encourage and facilitate people to talk to each other. Try not to be biased or judgemental but instaed ease the way for conflict resolution. Communicate Effectively Do not say the first thing that comes into your mind but instead take a moment and pay close attention to what you say and how you say it. Focus on the meaning of what you want to communicate. Aim to increase understanding by considering how your message might be received by the other person. By communicating clearly, you can help avoid misunderstandings and potential conflict with others. By speaking eloquently you will come across as more intelligent and mature. Also be aware of the messages you are sending via non-verbal channels: make eye contact and avoid defensive body language. Present information in a way that its meaning can be clearly understood. Pay particular attention to differences in culture, past experiences, attitudes and abilities before conveying your message. Avoid jargon and over-complicated language; explain things as simply as possible. Request clarification if unclear about a message. Always avoid racist and sexist terms or any language that may cause offence. Use Humour Laughing releases endorphins that can help relieve stress and anxiety; most people like to laugh and will feel drawn to somebody who can make them laugh. Dont be afraid to be funny or clever, but do ensure your humour is appropriate to the situation. Use your sense of humour to break the ice, to lower barriers and gain the affection of others. By using appropriate humour you will be perceived as more charismatic. Maintain a Positive Attitude and Smile Few people want to be around someone who is frequently miserable. Do your best to be friendly, upbeat and positive with other people. Maintain a positive, cheerful attitude to life: when things do not go to plan, stay optimistic and learn from your mistakes. If you smile often and stay cheerful, people are more likely to respond positively to you. Only Complain when Absolutely Necessary People will not be drawn to you if you are constantly complaining or whinging. If something makes you angry or upset, wait for a few hours and calm down before taking action. If you do complain, do so calmly, try to find some positive aspects to the situation and avoid giving unnecessary criticism.

Ten Qualities of an Effective Team Player

By Marty Brounstein If you were choosing team members for a business team in your organization, who would the best team players be? Assuming that people have the right technical skills for the work to be done, what other factors would you use to select your team members? Teams need strong team players to perform well. But what defines such people? Read on. (Also, check out How to Hire the Best Brains for the Best Team for some tips on putting a team together.)

Demonstrates reliability

You can count on a reliable team member who gets work done and does his fair share to work hard and meet commitments. He or she follows through on assignments. Consistency is key. You can count on him or her to deliver good performance all the time, not just some of the time.

Communicates constructively
Teams need people who speak up and express their thoughts and ideas clearly, directly, honestly, and with respect for others and for the work of the team. That's what it means to communicate constructively. Such a team member does not shy away from making a point but makes it in the best way possible in a positive, confident, and respectful manner.

Listens actively
Good listeners are essential for teams to function effectively. Teams need team players who can absorb, understand, and consider ideas and points of view from other people without debating and arguing every point. Such a team member also can receive criticism without reacting defensively. Most important, for effective communication and problem solving, team members need the discipline to listen first and speak second so that meaningful dialogue results.

Functions as an active participant

Good team players are active participants. They come prepared for team meetings and listen and speak up in discussions. They're fully engaged in the work of the team and do not sit passively on the sidelines. Team members who function as active participants take the initiative to help make things happen, and they volunteer for assignments. Their whole approach is can-do: "What contribution can I make to help the team achieve success?"

Shares openly and willingly

Good team players share. They're willing to share information, knowledge, and experience. They take the initiative to keep other team members informed. Much of the communication within teams takes place informally. Beyond discussion at organized meetings, team members need to feel comfortable talking with one another and passing along important news and information day-to-day. Good team players are active in this informal sharing. They keep other team members in the loop with information and expertise that helps get the job done and prevents surprises.

Cooperates and pitches in to help

Cooperation is the act of working with others and acting together to accomplish a job. Effective team players work this way by second nature. Good team players, despite differences they may have with other team members concerning style and perspective, figure out ways to work together to solve problems and get work done. They respond to requests for assistance and take the initiative to offer help.

Exhibits flexibility
Teams often deal with changing conditions and often create changes themselves. Good team players roll with the punches; they adapt to ever-changing situations. They don't complain or get stressed out because something new is being tried or some new direction is being set. In addition, a flexible team member can consider different points of views and compromise when needed. He or she doesn't hold rigidly to a point of view and argue it to death, especially when the team

needs to move forward to make a decision or get something done. Strong team players are firm in their thoughts yet open to what others have to offer flexibility at its best.

Shows commitment to the team

Strong team players care about their work, the team, and the team's work. They show up every day with this care and commitment up front. They want to give a good effort, and they want other team members to do the same.

Works as a problem-solver
Teams, of course, deal with problems. Sometimes, it appears, that's the whole reason why a team is created to address problems. Good team players are willing to deal with all kinds of problems in a solutions-oriented manner. They're problem-solvers, not problem-dwellers, problem-blamers, or problem-avoiders. They don't simply rehash a problem the way problem-dwellers do. They don't look for others to fault, as the blamers do. And they don't put off dealing with issues, the way avoiders do. Team players get problems out in the open for discussion and then collaborate with others to find solutions and form action plans.

Treats others in a respectful and supportive manner

Team players treat fellow team members with courtesy and consideration not just some of the time but consistently. In addition, they show understanding and the appropriate support of other team members to help get the job done. They don't place conditions on when they'll provide assistance, when they'll choose to listen, and when they'll share information. Good team players also have a sense of humor and know how to have fun (and all teams can use a bit of both), but they don't have fun at someone else's expense. Quite simply, effective team players deal with other people in a professional manner. Team players who show commitment don't come in any particular style or personality. They don't need to be rah-rah, cheerleader types. In fact, they may even be soft-spoken, but they aren't passive. They care about what the team is doing and they contribute to its success without needing a push. Team players with commitment look beyond their own piece of the work and care about the team's overall work. In the end, their commitment is about winning not in the sports sense of beating your opponent but about seeing the team succeed and knowing they have contributed to this success. Winning as a team is one of the great motivators of employee performance. Good team players have and show this motivation.