Commenting Project Adrienne Salinas Various strategies went into my process of commenting on the students work.

I realized the paper was still a work in progress, so I had to make many decisions about what and what not to focus on throughout the paperby determining the HOCs and LOCs. My goals for my comments were to help the student expand and to question more on what she wrote in her draft. I did have a little trouble not going through each line and editing every sentence. If any major errors stuck out to me as I read through, I did make them known to the student. Overall, the paper had good ideas but could have been more focused with more detailed narration and commentary. My first comment stated that the student needed to look into the comma rules. I inserted a few commas within the first couple paragraphs but stopped after there were too many missing commas throughout the paper. The student needed to use commas when joining two complete sentences and using them after introductory clauses. This is a LOC, but I found that after so many errors, it was necessary for her to realize the mistake early on in her writing process. I made sure to provide positive feedback, as well as areas for improvement throughout her paper. I complimented the student on her use of visual imagery in the first paragraph but suggested that she could expand upon her ideas to make the reader visualize an even clearer image in the readers mind. I suggested that the student change up the beginnings of her sentences, in the second paragraph, because she starts too many sentences with she. I suggested other possibilities she could use instead or even the option of just rearranging the sentence. I could not ignore the wordchoice in her beginning sentences because it was just too repetitive and did not have a nice flow

to the piece. I also boxed through at the end of the paragraph because even though it was a careless error, it still needs to be changed to throughout. The last few paragraphs, I included several questions to help the writer to include more explanation within her paper. She has many good ideas and reasoning but does not include enough specific, concrete descriptions and details. I asked her questions in the margins to try and help her to expand the paragraph to include more of these ideas. I summarized my main thoughts about the paper at the end, so the student could read and get a better sense of what I thought overall of her paper. I, again, made sure to include positives, as well as suggestions to help guide her through the final editing processes of her paper. Some of the little things I ignored were stylistic choices. While the narration is in her unique voice, I did not want to change her word choices or the stylistic choices she chose to use. I hope the student can take my comments by face value and that they will help the student to develop an even better persuasive narration for the reader to enjoy.