Friends Talk: Life, Work & Love

EL Lotecka

Friends Talk: Life, Work & Love #1-11

Video Menu http://www.elguides.cc/SuccessConversations.html 1. TO BE OR NOT Suicide Ideas vs. Life Options BRIDGE OVER PARKWAY: Frank and Dick meet and stand by wall of high bridge. FRANK Well, we finally got here, Dick. It's good to see you again. DICK Yeah. Frank. But I almost didnt get here, FRANK Whats going on? DICK Nothing. Nothing really. I miss the good times we had and the ideas about making things better. FRANK I remember. But Ive had to stop thinking so much, and work at finding what I could do and where. DICK I just keep thinking Im a failure. FRANK What are you thinking on a good day like right now? DICK Do you want the truth? FRANK Give me a try Id like to hear whats occupying your mind. DICK Being out of a job, out of a relationship, and out of luck. So Im thinking about not being around, maybe shooting myself or jumping off this bridge! FRANK (moving closer) Hey, theres no do-overs in those games. Would you let a crazed terrorist get you? DICK Id put up some kind of fight. FRANK

So not like old Hamlet, you mostly want to be and maybe have a life. DICK But my life is flatter than a TV screen with shows I care less about and want to turn off What would you have done, if I had tried to go off this bridge? FRANK I wouldve reminded you of your needy dog, Skipper, and called emergency mental health if necessary. DICK You would! I dont need to be locked up. I need getting on with something better. FRANK It sounds like youre needing some new maps for living. DICK Im low on maps about where I can do what I want to do. FRANK Your role now can be explorer of ideas, places, and people. DICK (looking out to sky) Exploring Im good at. But I dont know about people. FRANK Well, I like you as a friend and other people can really like you in the future. How about going to my house for dinner? DICK Thanks! I want to see your new games. FRANK And talk about real life games and that its darkest before dawn, but dawn comes. DICK So lets go. They walk off in the direction Frank entered.

2. LIKE YOUR FATHER Rage View vs. Anger Control FRONT OF HOUSE: Frank and Dick (with birthday hat) talking by front door. FRANK So Dick, here we are, outside. That really bothered Lori. DICK It was my birthday cake, Frank. FRANK Lori took time to get a good looking one. Then because you couldnt have more alcohol after acting drunk, you put your fist in the cake. DICK She doesnt like me anyway. FRANK Lori used to like you. But why should she, when you act like you dont care? DICK Why should I? People are always getting in my way -bugging me. FRANK You sound like your father -- the big critic who you said complained and put you down. DICK Thats not half the story. It was his way or no way. He blew-up all the time. FRANK Theres ways we want to be like our parents, but not all their ways. DICK Man I sure dont want to imitate his nasty style, not have real friends, and end up miserable. FRANK You mean not act like a king whos entitled to DICK What do you mean? FRANK Here Ill show you. Just do what I tell you.

DICK Why? FRANK Dont make me mad. Ill get nasty. DICK I dont get this. FRANK (Loudly) Now you did it. (Jumping up & down) Ah youre an ass. (Angry sound). DICK Oh, I get it -- youre acting mad cause I didnt go along with you. FRANK Thats the anger trigger -- of thinking people should -- must -- do what you want, or you punish them by acting bad. DICK I guess I get hot, angry if its not what I expect. FRANK Yeah, how about cooling it. Then discuss your expectations and views. DICK Maybe I should not should on people so much. They look at each other.

3. CANT GET UP? Losing vs. Using BEDROOM: Dick lying down; Frank enters. FRANK Hey Dick, wake up. DICK I dont want to hear you Frank. Go away FRANK You werent answering the phone. I used the key you gave me to get in. Whats up? Obviously, not you. DICK Ive been down since the other night FRANK Im sorry to hear that its still on your back. DICK Let me alone to maybe go back to sleep. FRANK If we lay around too much, we get weaker -- like the astronauts in zero gravity lose their muscles. DICK I dont want to talk. FRANK If you dont talk, you may get more isolated and alienated. Maybe lose your good mind. DICK How would I lose my mind? FRANK Become less able to interact with real people instead of imaginary ones. DICK Too bad. Im down. FRANK Get up! Thats the first big step. DICK Im cant get up.

FRANK Cant or wont. DICK You dont understand: Im so down, I cant get up. FRANK Do you believe that? What if your bed was on fire? DICK Depends on whether I was already laying down. FRANK Get out. Get some help, or better, be helpful. DICK Maybe Ill be a bum on the street. FRANK A begging bum? DICK Just a bum bum. I dont know how to beg. FRANK No more working huh. Just take -- no give and take. DICK I thought you were going to say use it or lose it -again! Dont say it. Ill get up. (both laugh) Dick gets up.

4. TIRED, YET AWAKE Relaxing and Sleeping BED WITH QUILT: Frank and Lori heads on pillow LORI Frank, honey, you seem tired lately. FRANK I am tired, but cant sleep at night like I used to, Lori. LORI Whats keeping you awake? FRANK Gees, Ive gotten into thinking when in bed. One idea leads to another, then Im stimulated, wide awake. LORI Sounds familiar. Those mental trips can be too stimulating. Do you want some help stopping them? FRANK Sure, but I dont want sleeping pill problems. LORI I could show you a the ways I put myself to sleep. FRANK What are they?. LORI (drawing out italicized words) First, make sure you are really comfortable. FRANK (adjusting body) Im comfortable. LORI Good. And if theres too much light, you can use your eyeshade. FRANK OK, Ill put it on (gets eyeshade on) Its really dark in here now. LORI (softer) Good. Then fill your mind with soothing words and images that help relax your body. Theres more relaxing words that start with a C besides comfortable.

FRANK Im thinking of being calm. LORI (talking slower) Yes calm. Think of your heart calming down. FRANK (relaxed) Im imagining my heart beating calmer. LORI (slowly, softly) Carefree. Let your mind be clear of distractions now. Withdrawing.., closing off the world for awhile... Starting to go to sleep. FRANK Ah. Mmm. LORI (slowly, softly) Uh huh. Just hum inside. And breathe out tensions or thoughts very slowly. Then just let yourself breathe in naturally freely, easily. FRANK Sure, slowly easily LORI (slowly, softly) Right. Imagine a cool breeze on your head, with the rest of your body comfortably warm. FRANK (breathing deeply) My body is warm; my head is cool . LORI (very slowly) Good. Calm, clear, carefree. All contented in a peaceful completely restful state. FRANK (mumbling very slowly) Really contented, cont (rolling head back and over; quiet, then a snore) Lori looks over at Frank and gives him a kiss.

5. WHAT TO SAY Real Self-Confidence OFFICE: Frank and Dick at desk. FRANK Yes. I do like working here as employment counselor, Dick. DICK You were looking for a different job, Frank. FRANK I was until the manager here thought that since Ive had lots of experience getting jobs, I could help other people do the same. DICK Well, pundit, tell me the secrets? FRANK Dont call me a pundit and Ill give you some tips. DICK Okay, tipper. FRANK The secrets are not really secret. Mainly it takes selecting and tailoring them to fit. DICK Whats the top tip? FRANK Using my super powers, Ill say Your Own Advertisement. DICK My own ad? FRANK Yes. Get together a smooth two minute summary of your relevant qualities and strengths. DICK What would I say for my field? FRANK Tell the interviewer that youre a creative, analytical, and honest person -- along with where youve shown those qualities in school and work.

DICK Are you saying that because youre being nice? Have youve seen those qualities in me? FRANK Sure I have. Make a list of your strengths and successes of any kind -- even if youre unsure about their value. DICK Right now help me with what to say about myself when I meet somebody interesting. FRANK Talk about what youve done, or are doing, or want to do that might relate to the other person. DICK I dont like bragging about myself. FRANK Its not bragging, its being confident about telling who you are. So when are you most confident? DICK Mostly when Ive had a few beers. FRANK Confident -- without alcohol or other drugs. DICK When people want to hear what Im saying. FRANK People want to hear what you have to say when you tell a lively, quick personal story that connects at the time. DICK (nodding) Well. I can say that Frank listening.

6. HOLDING BACK Fear vs. Self-Esteem GYM: Dick and Frank at entrance DICK Hey Frank man, hows it going? FRANK Good enough, Dick. Hows your new course? DICK I might fail. FRANK Is it too hard? DICK Its too hard for me to get up in front of the class. FRANK What for? To give a presentation? DICK Yeah, I dont want the class looking at me and talking trash about me. FRANK This college class isnt going to be trashing you. DICK No, but they may be thinking it. FRANK Whats it? DICK That Im dumb, funny-looking or boring. FRANK Dick, do you really believe all that? DICK No, but they might. FRANK They might be thinking all kinds of stuff mostly about themselves like you are maybe good, bad, and far out. DICK Ive had this fear since I was a kid.

FRANK Then lets be kids about it. Lets pretend kids are saying those words to you. DICK Then what? FRANK Well answer the kids better this time. DICK Ill play your silly game. Go ahead. FRANK You look dumb, and ugly too. DICK You must have dumb eyes. Im pretty smart. FRANK (Talking alongside Dick) And Im prepared to talk about what I know. DICK I know a lot. FRANK But youre funny-looking and boring. DICK It takes one to know one. FRANK (steps alongside again) Im rubber, youre glue DICK So your crap bounces off me and sticks to you. FRANK (laughs) Youre getting into it. Go with who you are now, and have fun with your talk. People will like you. DICK I can do it if I have a helmet. Frank gives Dick hat.

7. REALLY WANT

Life and Other Games

HOME OFFICE: Lori and Dick standing at work area LORI Dick, thanks for setting up my new router system. DICK Zall right Lori. Now you can play games faster. LORI Ive actually been cutting down on game time. DICK What! Not a player like you! Were both addicts. LORI I wanted to have more time for other things: priorities. DICK I cant believe it -- bet youre still playing a lot. LORI No, I usually play a half hour a day unless I have more important things on my list. DICK Be honest: Dont you want to play more? LORI If I really have a strong desire, Ill let myself go for an hour and once in awhile, Ill go for two hours. DICK But dont you really want to play more? LORI I want to play more when Im stressed, insecure, tired, hungry, bored, mostly when Im off center. DICK Really. LORI Now I play a game with myself about games. If I go over my limit, then dont play for a day or two. And I got rid of a game that was out-of-control. DICK Thats tough. You punish yourself.

LORI A little. More like I show myself I can do without silly games -- that makes me feel freer. DICK But youre restricting your own freedom. LORI Sure I want to be free to continue like a kid. But actually Im freer avoiding timewasters that imprison me from what really matters. DICK Dang. How do you do it? LORI Well, there is the time structure with rewards including praises and sometimes penalties. DICK And? LORI And, I lined up more interesting things to do. DICK What was the hardest part for you? I know what it is for me. LORI Believing I would do it, since I knew I could cheat. I practiced seeing myself actually turning off the games and enjoying myself, my success! DICK For me, the hardest part is stopping once I start. LORI And looking into the future how do you succeed? DICK By not starting with it; by not having the game around to tempt me. LORI It gets easier once we find a better replacement, like any relationships! Dick nods.

8. LOVE LUCK?

Dating vs. Relating Part 1

SCENIC PLACE: Lori and Frank LORI I love this place, Frank. We both like the view, and its private enough here to talk. FRANK Well Lori now I can to tell you that Dick thinks were lucky to have such a good relationship. LOR I(laughs) It took a lot more than luck. FRANK In a way we made our own luck, since we met in a group with similar interests and values. LORI Yeah, that gave us more to relate to than just, ha ha ha, basic chemistry! (they laugh) FRANK A big benefit was being able to get to know each other gradually. LORI Knowing who the other person really is can be a life saver! It gave me more real confidence. FRANK That gave us a good foundation for building our friendship, and then our special partnership. LORI Yeah. Weve had to learn to appreciate and understand each other. FRANK For our communication, we've used a whole variety of skills. LORI Yeah, like listening and clarifying -- especially since misunderstandings were often the cause of problems. FRANK It helps when we lighten up with fun and humor.

LORI You bet. Another luck-maker, in our success, has been the consideration of each other needs. FRANK And that's meant awareness of feelings -- which is not always easy. LORI Even less easy is awareness of our old habits that get in the way of our relationship. FRANK That leads to great cooperation -- like mutual support on valued goals-- and taking turns. LORI I love your cooperation. That way I can be my best self. FRANK I love it too. LORI That makes two of us, loving who we are together. FRANK We mentioned three good relationship words that start with a C. LORI Let me see.... Communication, consideration, and cooperation. FRANK Mmm, I can think of one more ... They look at each other. CUT | END

9. LOVE LUCK?

Dating vs. Relating Part 2

SCENIC PLACE: Lori and Frank. LORI Ah, I remember several good relationship "C" words that many people agreed on in that dating seminar we attended. FRANK How about the fancy word: conciliation. With our disagreements, we compromise to reconcile our differences. LORI Yes, we trust each other and we let go of trivia so we can negotiate jointly valued solution. FRANK We avoid generalizations such as You always , or You never . LORI And minimize criticism -- compliments work better. FRANK It isnt always smooth. But we get there. LORI Our art of relating has grown better with effort, and experience. FRANK Now, theres the maintenance of our partnership -after all the building! LORI Weve been talking about these facts of life from when we first decided to have a solid relationship. FRANK Amazingly from the seminar there are more C words that go together in maintaining good relationships. LORI That repeating C sound is a great memory aid

FRANK Another is commitment based on agreements about goals, roles, and rules. LORI In other words, we have a clear, honest contract. FRANK Yeah, it helps prevent conflicts and problems. LORI Then theres control. FRANK Having enough control of decisions for fulfilling the commitments LORI Right -- enough personal power for self control. Also there's the motivation to make things work well FRANK. That could be called caring. LORI I think thats an attitude: seeing problems as possibilities for positive change. FRANK So taking the problems constructively as stimulating challenges, maybe with a bit of compassion, and even humor. LORI Uh huh. Accepting reality and making the best of life that we can. FRANK Well, that makes four more relationship "C"s: conciliation, commitment, control and caring based on lots of relationship research studies. LORI Ah, the wisdom of love, for making better luck! . They kiss each other. CUT | END

10. WHAT WAS IT? Focusing and Memory PARK: Dick and Frank standing DICK I almost forgot that were walking today. I was going to a movie until the calendar popped up. FRANK Gratitude for the calendar messages that remind us of the calendar. DICK Thats true. I think I have an attention problem. FRANK Most of us do -- one way or another. Seems often more about focusing. DICK Its hard for me to focus on some things. FRANK But not other things, huh. DICK Right. Theres things I like to focus on. FRANK Me too. Maybe things were good at doing and matter more to us. DICK Ive heard that for uninteresting things, about 5 seconds of focusing is needed to remember them. FRANK Thats true with knowing where I put my keys. Also putting them in the same special place helps. DICK Where it gets mind boggling is having to remember many things for an event. FRANK Ive seen you writing things down and I tried it. It frees up my mind. Thanks pal.

DICK Youre welcome. I write down my ideas and other stuff, but it hard to keep track of all the little notes. FRANK Ive found having checklists to cover everything to do or take is the only way I can be sure. DICK Oh, like the checklists pilots and campers use to not miss any essentials for their trips. FRANK Lists are a powerful tool. Another tool I like is a timer to take a timeout when Im too stressed. DICK Sometimes I just try to go faster when Im tense, then its harder to pay attention to details. FRANK Yeah, more trying then gives less success. So thats when a relaxing time-out or breather really helps. DICK You were telling me that Lori helped you get to sleep easier with some relaxation techniques. FRANK Those relaxing words and images reduce stress anytime. The time spent is well rewarded. DICK Lets do a relaxing walk through these trees. FRANK And like the ancient advice, pay attention to one thing at a time They look around.

11. AWESOME EMPATHY* Fixing vs. Listening

COURTYARD: Frank and Lori in front of fountain LORI (agitated) Sally really bugged me again today, Frank. FRANK You should tell her to stop the buggy arguments or youll use the bug spray. Lets watch a video, Lori. LORI (amused, then irritated) Thats not what I was wanting. FRANK (surprised) What do you mean? I was just trying to help you get over it. LORI I dont want you giving me a quick fix. FRANK Then what do you want? LORI I just want you to listen and hear me out. FRANK Well Im here now to hear you. LORI I was pretty mad. FRANK What happened? LORI She was changing what we agreed on again! FRANK Frustrating huh? LORI Yah. FRANK (nodding) LORI And insulting.

FRANK You felt put down? LORI I felt hurt because weve been friends. FRANK Hmm. LORI She could have asked me before breaking another agreement. FRANK Yeah. LORI How would you have felt? FRANK Probably the same. LORI And Ive been holding onto resentments of Sally for quite awhile. FRANK (looking and nodding) LORI (sighing) Now I feel clearer, lighter after telling you about it. FRANK I can see that. Good! LORI (warmly) Thanks for listening, Frank. FRANK Youre welcome. Youve done that for me. LORI I really appreciate your empathy. FRANK (smiling) Is that what its called? They look openly at each other. * Also separate #11 student copy at Scrbd.com