Why communication is central to familie

Because families are primarily composed of involuntary relationship(besides the primary couple unit),family communication can be fairly intense.power struggles frequently occur as members struggle to attain different goals.spouses argue over how to spend money,the best way to discipline the children,and whether to switch jobs or move to another house.Adolescents struggle against their parents conceptions of them as children as they strive to develop their own unique sense of self as separate from their parents.The warmth and affection experienced in families can also be a source of great sustenance as individual family members go out in to theworld to do the business of their daily lives.furthermore the push and pull between warm nurturing behaviors and disciplinary or controlling behaviors can put communicators in complex dilemmas regarding the best way to communicate with their family members. on a day-to-day basis,and so facilitate task completion,family communication can be quite mundane.much of the morning communication between parents or marital partners often revolves around coordination of child care,transportation of the children to and from school and to various activities,preparation of the evening meal,and organizing necessary activities around the house(who will call thebugmanor the apartment supervisor?)At the same time,communication can be affectionate to hostile (verbally or nonverbally).Each message contains both content(the verbalstuffof the interaction)and relational(implied messages about the nature of the relationship)dimension(Watzlawick,Beavin,&Jakson,1969).I can discuss the daily tasks with warmth and good humor or with coolness and seriousness and communicate very different messages regarding how I am feeling about my spouse and the relationship on any particular day.

The effects of pregnancy on communication

Although not all families add children through pregnancy(e.g.,adoptive families,families using surrogacy,stepfamilies,extended families,foster homes),a majority of familie are developed through pregnancy.

Expectant parents experience many physical,cognitive,and emotional changes when they are expecting a baby___all of which can translate into changes in communication patterns between the parents.parents may express concerns, discuss many practical issues(e.g.,childbirth,child care,genetic testing),discuss role expectations after birth(e.g.,who will get up with the baby in the night),and experience increases in intimacy and potential decreases in sexual activity.Although these changes seem numerous,they are likely topale in comparison to the communication changes within the couple unitimmediately following the childs birth. Communication within the family can also be affected by,and associated with,the many fears woman experience associated with pregnancy and childbirth(Melender,2002).specifically 78% of expecting mothers reported fears relating to pregnancy,childbirth,or both.These fears conern childbirth, the childs and mothers well being.health care staff,family life,and cesarean section.Expectant mothers are more likely to communicate their fears if they are in negative mood.In addition,many expectant mothers are approached by well-meaning friends,families,and even strangers with negative stories of their own birthing and child care experiences and these negative stories were related to greater expression of fears.Furthermore,expectant mothes fear are greater after.hearing alarming information or receiving information regarding diseases and child-related problems.thus,communication from others regarding pregnancy and childbirth can be a significant predictor of the fears women experience during pregnancy.In addition, women may experience insecurity about their physical appearance and anxiety about their expertise asmother(Ruble et al.,1990).These fears and experiences are not limited to mothers however.Expectant fathers may experience greater ambivalence and anxiety as well(e.g.,Gerzi & Berman, 1981),All these concern may be associated with changes in communication in the family. The communication between expectant parents is likely to change as well.specifically,expectant mothers have evidence agreater sensitivity to the meaning of verbal and nonverbal communication (Rubin, 1975).This change in sensitivity may be associated with more problematic communication within the family.Other communication surrounding the impending birth of the child my include discussions about birthing plans,birthing classes,tests forpotential genetic abnormalities,and plans for child care.

These communication topics may be of particular relevance to expecting parents in single-parent,nuclear,blended,and extended-family situations.All these discussions may prove fruitfull for relationships, however, in that pregnancy can creat greater closeness in couples(Feeney, Hohaus, Noller,& Alexander, 2001) because a woman may fee a greater sense of caring from her husband( in the nuclear orblended-family situation).This sense of closeness may vary by couple type,however.Pregnant wives in traditional marriages felt they receive more nurturance than wives in independent marriages (Fitzpatrick, Vangelisti, & firman, 1994). Another communication change accompanying pregnancy may be increased use of internet sources of information.As the parenting role becomes more salient, both expectant parents may begin to surf the web for information regarding the stage of pregnancy and concerns with regard to which of the thousands of baby paraphernalia are actually necessary as opposed to superfluous.Many sites will e_mail expectant mothers weekly updates on their pregnancy, newsletters, opportunities for chat room communication with other parents, and of course, opportunities for buying necessary baby items(e.g.,babycenter.com, American baby.com). The need to buy necessary apparatus points to another concern expectant parents may have____money for the birth and all the essentials.Having babies is expensive business.A hospital birth alone can run up a bill upward of $20,000.Those without insurance may feel especially burdened here.Then the costs of the first necessary equipment combined with longterm considerations of child care and higher education costs can send prospective parents into a tailspin with regard to financial concerns.Thus, finances may be a topic for consideration and an added source of stress during pregnancy as well.

Addition of child and changes in communication

Havin a baby biologically is not the only way children are added to families. Adopting reparesents about 4% of the children added to households. In addition,as adoptions are becoming more common(Shanley , 2003),especially for older couple or couples who already have biological children

. My sister and her husband, for instsnce adopted my niece after several failed attemps at pregnancy and one miscarriage. They had three boys biologically but desperately wanted a girl. Karen is Korean, and they were able to adopt her through Holt, a Christian organization that organizes international adoptions from several different countries. Similarly,a colleage of mine in Illinois adopted two daughters from china, where laws against multiple births and the high premium on boy babies make adopting girls from china easier.most recently, another cleague of mine in Texas legally adopted a 5-year-old girl from Russia. These adoption are unique in that the differences in physical features make it obvious to others that the children are not biologically related to their parents. In addition, many of these children are consideredspecial needs in that they often have physical challenges. Regardless of whether babies are born into or adopted by families, the dramatic changes in the familys life and their satisfaction and communication are consistent (OBrien & Zamostny 2003). Both this study and one on adding children through surrogacy (e.g., MacCalum, Lycett, Murray, Jadva, & Golombok, 2003) indicate that the stigma once associated with adoption and surrogacy arrangements is diminishing; 100% of the surrogacy couples studied had told their family and friends about the surrogacy and were planning to tell the child as well. In addition,communication scholars Erin Shank Krusiewicz and Julia wood (2001) indicate that the storytelling themes of adoption entry (i.e.,dialectic tensions, destiny, compelling connection rescue and legitimacy) affirm adopted children and adoption as a valid way of currently adding children to the family. Although adoption from birth and surrogacy are the closest in family forms to adding children through pregnancy, children can be added to families in other ways as well. Stepfamilies are created through the high remarriage rates that now place up to 15% of children in blended or binuclear homes. Many new parens through marriage instead of birth. In addition, 5% of children are being raised in extended famiies where they are being raised by their grandparents alone or their grandparents and their biological parent(s). In many of these homes, garndparents fulfill a majority of the child-rearing roles.Thus, children can be added to families through pregnancy, adoption, surrogacy, remarriage or marriage with preexisting children, or extended families.

The next section detailing the communication changes in a family adding an infant to the household is primarily related to families that add children through pregnancy, adoption of infants, surrogacy, and extended-family situations where the pregnant mother resides. Adding older children (in stepfamily and older children adoptions) is consider in the latter portion of this chapter.

Stepparent-Stepchild communication
Stepperent-stepchild communication may be especially problematic because although stepparent chose their new family, stepchildren are often brought into the relationship involuntarily. communicationally stepmothers and stepfather have both have been known to attempt to ingratiate themselves to their new stepchildren (e.g., Bray & Berger, 1993; Hetherington,1999), often under the the auspices of unrealistic expectations for instant reciprocal love (Visher & Visher, 1988). When met with consistent resistance and aversive behavior from stepchildren (especially stepdaughters), stepparents may becom more distant and disengaged and as a result may communicate less warmth, control, and monitoring than parents in intact families do (e.g., Hetherington & Clingempeel, 1992; Hetherington & Jod, 1994). Stepfathers, in particular, have been found to be less involved, critical, and concerned about minor issues such as homework, manners, dress, and so on (Hetherington, 1993). In terms of communication outcomes, most studies report geater levels of conflict and communication of negativity between stepparents and children, especially when adolescent stepdaughters are present (e.g., Hetherington & Clingempeel, 1992; Hetherington & Jodl, 1994). Stepparent-stepchildren communication may be especially problematic as it relates to disciplinary encounters.stepparents have been found to be more effective when they initially establish warm supportive roles with their stepchildren and support the role of the biological parent with regard to discipline (Hetherington, 1999). When a stepparent must discipline, however, discipline is more effective when the biological parent and the stepparent agree on child-rearing practices and communication, and the biological parent supports the stepparents efforts without abdicating responsibility (Clingempeel, Brand, & Segal, 1987). Stepmothers have more communication problems with stepchild than do stepfathers (e.g., Clingempeel, Brand, & levoli

1984), hich may be due in part to the expectation of remarried fathers that the stepmother will assume the primary role of caretaker and disciplinarian (e.g., Fine, voydanoff, & Donnelly, 1993). These communication problems may be further exacerbated by more competitive elationships with noncustodial biological mothers (Hetherington & Jodl, 1994) who tend to stey more actively involved with their children and may invoke more loyalty conflicts for children (e.g., Hetheington & Jodl, 1994).

Improving family communication

No doubt many of you became interested in taking a family communication course because you are interested in improving the communication within your family of origin or newly formed families. To that end, understanding the nurturing and controlling processes that exist across all family forms is useful in terms of understanding the explanatory mechanisms that underlie the effectiveness of your communication within the family. In addition, understanding the complexities of family communication also requires an appreciation of the cognitive, emotional, and communicative processes that underlie satisfaction and stability in the family. Families are emotionally rich environments that provide a fertile ground for understanding the relationship between how you feel and how you think about your family members. In turn, how you think and how you feel about your family members influences the ways in which you communicate with them. Specifically, many of the findings reviewed in this text underscore the importance of cognitive, emotive, and communicative processes in ensuring marital satisfaction and marital stability. Thinking and feeling positively about your family members is likely to be related to more positive communication within your family and stronger functioning in terms of family satisfaction and stability. On the other hand, thinking and feeling negatively about your family members is likely to be related to more negative communication within your family and greater marital distress (i.e., lower satisfaction and lower stability) How you think about, feel about, and communicate with your famiy members are also likely predicated on factors related to your compatibility. In other words, you came into the family relationship with greater or lesser likelihood of success. Remember as you form your new family unit that several factors promote greater satisfaction and stability within marital relationship.

Several of these are pre-interational factors, or factors that predate your family relationship. Factors that you and your mate bring into the relationship can significantly affect the quality of your family relationships. Marital satisfaction has been related to similarity. (socioeconomic status, religion, race, age, and intelligence), and economic and personel resources (greater income, higher education, social class, and better occupational status). In terms of characteristics that emerge after marriages, marital couples work boh inside and outside the home is related to merital satisfaction.To be more specisic, dual_earner couples tend to be more satisfied especially if they divid the household labor in ways that are perceived as fair. Relatedlly, role fit pre- dicts relational satisfaction in that the level of agreemen between spouses on decision making, division of household responsibilities, financial issues, and child care also predicts marital satisfaction. Finally, developmental factors regarding the natural progression of family life influence marital satisfaction in that the presence of children relates to decreases in marital satisfaction, with marital satisfaction appearing highest both before having kids and when the children are adults. Although marital satisfaction and marital stability are not always related, many of you may also be concerned with how to have an enduring marriage. Statistics regarding the divorce rate are confusing, but we know that at least 30% of baby boomers report that they are divorced and that nearly half of all marriages every year are remarriages. Some estimates of divorce are as high as 50% (based on comparison of number of marriages with number of divorces per year). With one third to one half of marriages ending in divorce, many of you may be concerned that you have the ability to maintain a lifelong commitment to marriage. The relationship between the communication of closeness and marital satisfaction and marital stability may be of concern for you. While all these factors are important because they predict marital satisfaction and marital stability and the communication processes inherent therein the focus of this section is on the whole host of cognitive, affective, and communication factors that predict marital satisfaction and stability as well. How you perceive your partner and the attributions you make about his or her behavior can have powerful effects on the actual communication behavior that occurs within a family. In addition, how you feel about your family members

Can also color how you cognitively think about them. In other words, greater feelings of love and closeness are likely to be predicted by, and predict, more positive thinking about your partner. How you think and feel about your partner are likely to influence how you communicate with our family members, and how you communicate with your family members is likely to influence how they communicate with you. Thinking and feeling positively can have important ramifications for interpersonal communication within the family, as can thinking and feeling negatively.

Increases in workload and changes in communication

Most of the research on the effects of adding children chronicles two changes in the family unit___both of which are likely to result in dramatic changes in family communication. First, there is an exponential increase in the child care and household tasks. Second, the parenting couple seems to experience an appreciable decline in marital satisfaction. These things seem to go hand in hand. Following the intial experiences of exhilaration and awe at the birth of ones child, the workload begins to become evident and has considerable consequences on the nature of family life and the communication within it. Ted Huston and Erin K.Holmes(2004) report that in two-parent families prior to the birth of an infant, wives or nurturercaregivers complete approximately 67% of the household responsibilities (about 5.4 household tasks per day), and husbands complete the other 33% (or 2.3 household tasks per day). These findings are fairly consistent throughout the literature (Belsky & Kelly, 1994). After the birth of the child, however, there is a well-documented sixfold increase in the number of family-related household tasks per day, with tasks increasing from 5.8 per day to 36.2 per day (Huston & Holmes). This striking contrast is felt by both parents, although the gender division of tasks begins to define the roles and communication behavior of the various household members. Specifically, new mothers increase their household task load from 5.3 to 28 tasks per day. New fathers, in contrast increase their household task load from 2.4 to 8.3 tasks per day. Thus, mothers assume more of the traditional nurture tasks, while fathers assist in the process. This change in workload may not only result in dramatically less time for communication between the new parents but may also change the nature of communication that does exist such that more communication is focused on the child and the organization and fulfillment of child care tasks.

What exactly is the nature of the increased household tasks, and what is the role of communication in their completion? Huston and Holmes (2004) asked parents to keep diaries of the child care-related tasks they completed each day. From most-frequent to least-frequent tasks that the mothers report, mothers change diapers, feed the child, soothe the child. dress the child, play quietly with the child, pick up after the child, put the child to sleep, read to the child, set rules and handle misbehavior, play rough-andtumble with the child, help the child to learn skills, bathe the child, plan the childs activities, and get up at night with the child. In other words, they complete the routine nurturing and care of the child. While at least 50% of these reported nurturing tasks require communction for their fulfillment (soothing the child, playing quietly with the child, putting the child to sleep, reading to the child, setting rules and handling misbehavior, playing rough and tumble with the child, helping the child to learn skills), it is likely that communication with the infant accompanies the fulfillment of every task (i.e.,changing diapers, feeding the child,dressing the child, bathing the child,and getting up at night with the child are all likely to include communication). In other words, almost all the routine nurturing caregiving tasks rely on communication behavior for their successful execution. We already know that mothers do the lions share of these routine nurturing and communicative tasks, but what percentage of each of these routine tasks does she complete? Huston and Holmes (2004) report that mothers change diapers, feed the child, soothe the child, bathe the child, help the child learn skills, and put the child to sleep nearly 80%of the time. Given the nature of these tasks, mothers assume the major components of child care and communication with the child. To further round out this picture, you might wonder just who gets up with the child in the middle of the night (infants wake up to feed in the night every 1.5 to 2 hours for the first 6 weeks, at which point they begin to spread out the feeding 3 to 4 hours per night up to 8 to 12 weeks, depending on the weight of the child). Once again, mothers earn the weariness prize by getting up with the child at night around 72% of the time. Not only do mothers nurture and communicate more with the child, they perform these child care responsibilities with a considerable sleep debt. This sleep debt has also been associated with diminished functioning and increased problems with emotions and communication.

What fathers do? Less is known about the transition to fatherhood experienced by dads (Strauss & Goldberg, 1999). We do know, however, from Huston and Holmess(2004) data that largest percentage of roughand-tumble play is assumed by dads__up to 55%. Fathers also set rules and play quietly with the child up to 35% of the time. In addition, Cowan(1988) reports that fathers experience a more dramatic transition to parenthood after the infant is 6 months old. It is unlikely a coincidence that infants are much more communicative and interactive whan they reach 6 months old. This greater communicativeness may be the impetus for the fathers greater involvement in child care. It appears that the transition to fatherhood is more gradual than it is for mothers who land quite squarely among the nurturing and communication changes to their day-to-day routine from the time the infant is born. Given this slower transition, it is likely that fathers experience more stress associated with parenthood after the initial excitement of being a new parent wears off (Berman & Pederson, 1987). In terms of a fathers involvement in child care, the more competent he perceive himself to be at child care and the more he thinks his wife views him as competent, the more a husband contributes to both housework and child care (Huston & Holmes, 2004). Specifically, fathers who perceive themselves as more skilled at child care perform more child care activities than those who dont (Bonny, Kelly, & Levant, 1999; Feldman, Nash, & Aschenbrenner, 1983). In addition, mothers perceptions that their husbands are good at family work actually predict the amount of housework and child care the husband reports doing (Huston & Holmes ,2004). In other words, a wife belief in her husbands competency at child care is related to his contributed household labor. Communication plays a role here; mothers who perceive their husbands as more competent are likely to communicate this perception to their spouses in a variety os ways (e.g., praise, nonverbal signs of encouragement and approval). In addition, fathers who are more martially satisfied before the birth of a child feel more competent as parents (Bnonny et al., 1999; Cowan & Cowan. 1987)