3775 Rabbi Shaanan Gelman Drasha Veiled Tears In the multitude of reactions to the tragic shootings in Newtown, Connecticut,

ut, one of the most notable moments was President Obamas brief but poignant words delivered the same day. Many were quick to comment about the Presidents uncharacteristic tears during that speech. One of the side discussions which broke out in the newspapers and political articles was whether it is appropriate for a leader to cry in public. This past week I stumbled upon something so obvious, yet for some strange reason I never noticed beforehand. Yosef cries a lot. Thats not to say that he isnt justified in doing so or that we wouldnt respond in a similar fashion under those circumstances. Notwithstanding, he cries a lot; and more so than any other character in Tanach, Yosefs waterworks seem to be constantly flowing at high volume. Not only does crying appear to be an important motif in Yosefs life, but Chumash Bereshit ends after informing us of the final tears which Yosef sheds: () :
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And so, one might even suspect that there is some final message encoded within the tears, preparing us for the next stage, as we embark upon Sefer Shemot and the transition from familial life to nationhood. In order to assess whether Yosefs tears are significant , we have to take a look at the circumstances under which they occurred. Yosef cries a grand total of seven times. The first time appears when Yosef overhears the brothers speaking about what they did to Yosef, confessing their crime amongst themselves. Yosefs response: ) : And he turned himself about from them, and wept; and he returned to them, and spoke to them, and took Simeon from among them, and bound him before their eyes. Rav Aaron Lichtenstein pointed out a peculiar pattern in the emotional response of Yosef he tends to run away from expressing his emotions openly. The next time he cries occurs when Yosef lays eyes on his brother Binyamin for the first time in many years: () :

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29 And he lifted up his eyes, and saw Benjamin his brother, his mother's son, and said: 'Is this your youngest brother of whom ye spoke unto me?' And he said: 'God be gracious unto thee, my son.' 30 And Joseph made haste; for his heart yearned toward his brother; and he sought where to weep; and he entered into his chamber, and wept there. 31 And he washed his face, and came out; and he refrained himself, and said: 'Set on bread.'

Instead of publicly expressing his joy, Yosef is ashamed; he fights back the tears and enters a private room. He then quickly composes himself, washes off his face and instructs his servants to set his guests up with a meal. The next cry happens when he reveals his identity to his brothers: () : :() 1 Then Joseph could not refrain himself before all them that stood by him; and he cried: 'Cause every man to go out from me.' And there stood no man with him, while Joseph made himself known unto his brethren. 2 And he wept aloud; and the Egyptians heard, and the house of Pharaoh heard.

Rav Lichtenstein1 notes that this is obviously an exaggeration, and that it is clear that the Egyptians didnt hear the cry throughout the entire land. Rather, what is being expressed here is that the cry is a dramatic :and intended to leave a lasting impression " , , . , : , . , . , , , . . , . , " Yosef wants to break free from the past, he wants to establish the connection again, to mend the gap and to create the image of .accessibility. His tears in this instance are an expression of that desire ?But does Yosef succeed in removing his mask entirely :The next time he cries is when Yosef is reunited with Binyamin () : : as well And he even cries at that point about the other () :

http://www.etzion.org.il/dk/5770/1205maamar1.html

Radak notes that only Yosef cries and not the brothers, as opposed to Binyamin who cries with Yosef, indicating that something was amiss2: " : "" , And they did not cry because they were embarrassed of him. According to Radaks reading it seems that not all was mended at this point. Perhaps Yosef had hoped that the relationship would be healed by now, but the brothers still feared Yosef more than they loved him. The next time he cries also provides us with a bit of ambiguity, as Yosef is at last reunited with his father: () : Here, Rashi famously notes that the Torah only describes one of the two as crying and while Yosef was crying, Yaakov is reciting the Shema. It would seem as well based upon this reading that a proper reunion has not yet occurred, as only one of them is crying. According to Ramban the one who is crying here is Yaakov, and Yosef is dry eyed. Rav Lichtenstein explains that as Yaakov is overwhelmed with emotion, Yosef is preserving his image as an Egyptian ruler, and leaders do not cry in public. What led the Ramban to read that into this moment? It seems that every time Yosef cries there is either an attempt to veil himself and to hide his tears. Seeing that only one of them cried at this
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See Rav Saadiah Gaons comment on this possuk, who understands that Yosef cried together with the brothers.

reunion, its perhaps logical to deduce that the one who was not crying was in fact Yosef, the man who consistently avoids showing his cards. And even when he does cry, it seems that no true connection had been established . Lets skip to the final cry with which we began: () : :() () : :() :() () :

Something here is terribly wrong Yosef cries, but its not clear why he is crying at this point. 17 years had passed since their initial reunion, one would think that the tear ducts have long since dried up and that all of the expression and sentiment which was once so fresh has already been dealt with. Rav Chanoch Waxman3 suggests though that this time Yosef cries for another reason These are tears of absolute isolation and solitude. For that matter, these tears are not normal tears, the joy of reunification or the grief and mourning of death. Rather, these tears are the unique tears of Yosef. These are the solitary tears of anguish and alienation
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http://www.vbm-torah.org/parsha.62/12vayechi.htm

:The Netziv4 picked up on this in his commentary the Haemek Davar ... '. ' " . ' . " ". " ' " . " " " . : Yosef cries because he is still suspected of harboring resentment. He cries because after years together, his brothers still believe that he wants to seek vengeance. Yosef realizes in the final moments of his life .that nothing has been achieved, no advancement of his relationship Yosef is to them the viceroy of Egypt; he is nothing more than the .provider of sustenance and the one who issues taxes on the citizens As he realizes this harsh truth, he reminds them that he will continue to :provide for them sustenance
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The Neztiv bases himself upon the following Mishna in Yoma, in which we find the High priest crying because he :realizes that he is suspected of being a Sadducee : () : : ':

() : :() But as he exits the stage, Yosef is a broken man. He will sadly remain at arms length from his family, viewed first and foremost as the feared ruler and not the brother who attempted to pour out his heart on their shoulders! And in an ironic twist of fate, Yosef realizes how utterly dependent he is upon his siblings, begging them to bury him in Eretz Canaan. Alas, explains Rav Lichtenstein, it is not Yosef who sustains his brothers, but rather his brothers who must sustain him in the final moments. The persona of Egyptian ruler who is afraid to cry in public and who is feared more than he is respected has won out in the end. And though Yosef truly loves his family and yearns for closeness, they do not see things the same way. Ann Cuddy, body language expert, and professor in the Harvard Business School deals with the various poses people take during stressful times and how the position of ones body and expression on their face can determine the outcome of those interactions. She mentioned that one of most stressful encounter people have is a job interview and that there are times when the person conducting the interview will take an expressionless pose; and in doing so they paralyze the person who is sitting on the other side of the table. The one taking the interview is given no social clues and no indication as to whether their words have made an impact. This phenomenon is called Standing in social Quicksand.

What has happened to the is that they are standing in social quicksand, either because Yosef waited too long to remove his mask or because the damage done in the past was too profound, or a combination of both. Either way, the veiled tears of Yosef were not sufficient to break the paralysis. Yosefs stalwart position and emotionless stance, the game face he has been wearing for the past 17 years has left his brothers wondering where they stood. When we paralyze people we know in such a manner, when we take stances which express no normative emotional reactions, and when we hold onto the public persona of the leader or of the CEO or of the stern parent or provider for the household, we risk not forming a meaningful connection. Do we really want others to walk on eggshells around us, ever frightened that they arent saying the right things or doing their job properly or pulling their weight in a relationship? And the same is true in our encounter with Hashem if we fail to respond emotionally, if we keep up appearances as the servant but never remove our masks, we build a barrier that becomes very difficult to ever tear down. As we end the book of familial relationships and move into the realm of nationhood and religious identity we must preserve this important lesson. Let us be real people remove the mask, know that its alright to express emotion, that it doesnt make you a weak leader or a spineless husband, or a cowardly friend, or even a non believer. It just makes you genuine. If something warms our hearts, lets express it, if someone offends our sensibilities, talk about it, and if we want to mend something that became broken, do so before its too late. And if we
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want to feel the presence of God in our lives, dont stand on ceremony and posture; because its better to cry with God and with our fellow, than to have to do so alone.

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