Dear Aria, A Birth Story

Throughout the entire pregnancy, people would ask me what your due date was. I would tell them the middle of October or just October, not the actual due date of October 16, knowing that the vast majority of first-time moms deliver at about 41 weeks, not the conventional 40 that is adhered to by the medical establishment. I was fully expecting to go beyond this. I was concerned that I wouldnt go into labor in time (to have an out-of-hospital birth, I had to be between 37 and 42 weeks). So imagine my disbelief when I started laboring at 1 p.m. on Monday, October 15, 2012. I should have known something was happening: I woke up that morning with a burst of energy. At 1 p.m., I was at Hobby Lobby getting one of the photos from our maternity shoot framed. The first sensations were odd. They were much like the non-cramp feelings I had when I first felt you move in utero. My first thoughts were I cant be in labor. I must be hungry. Or maybe I need to go to the bathroom. It cant be labor. Yep, I thought I might be hungry, even though Id just eaten a chicken salad sandwich meal at Chik-fil-A. I finished up my errand and went home. The sensations kept coming, but I was still in denial that they were contractions. They didnt feel strong enough to be contractions. I was expecting something much more intense. I tried lying on the bed for a while. I managed to nod off, but a stronger contraction woke me. I took ThepictureIwasgettingframed the dogs for a walk, but the contractions kept coming. Finally, I whenIwentintolabor took a warm bath. While I was in the tub, the contractions seemed to subside, leading me to believe this was practice labor. Fully relaxed, I got out of the tub, got dressed, and put a movie on. Within ten minutes, the contractions started again. It was now around 4 p.m. I called Dustin and let him know what was going on. I told him to stay at work until he was finished even if this was the real thing, the contractions were very mild and I didnt expect anything to happen quickly. We agreed that we would see where I was when he got home. He got home around 6 p.m., and the contractions had continued at their slow, mild, but constant pace. We called Special Beginnings, and David confirmed that it sounded like I was in early labor. He advised to just continue what we were doing, to try to get some rest, and to call if anything changed. Once I hung up with him, I called my mum. She was able (just barely) to make it on the last flight here from Providence. She arrived at the airport just 10 minutes before the flight departed! We continued as normal: I had made a turkey shepherds pie, and Dave and Lisa came over for dinner. I nonchalantly told them that I was in early labor, and Lisa literally shrieked. She almost didnt believe me, I was acting so normal. The contractions were still very mild. We watched Team America, which just happened to be on TV. This raunchy, ridiculous movie was one of your Uncle Sams favorites, and I was comforted by that!

My mum arrived at about 10 p.m., and we all went to bed soon after. At about 3 a.m., after being able to sleep for about 4 hours straight, the contractions woke me up. They were getting a bit stronger, but they were still incredibly mild compared to my expectations. I walked around the house for a while, but they kept coming. I took another bath, which helped immensely (water played a huge role in every step of pregnancy and labor for me). I tried to go back to bed around 4 a.m., and I was able to get another hour and a half of sleep. At about 5:30 a.m., I woke up and knew I wouldnt be able to get back to sleep: I was going to have a baby before I next went to bed. I made myself a cup of tea and read a book at the dining room table. Mum got up about an hour after me. Dustin got up at around 7 a.m. I told them of the nights happenings, and we agreed that Dustin should go to work but to plan to work a half day. This was needed as he had a big project that he was heading up that was about ready to be turned over. He had one more task to complete before it could be turned over to the next stage, so the plan was for him to do that and then be able to take the time off to be home with us without having to worry about this project. Mum and I had some breakfast. We each showered. I put on a cotton dress, not wanting anything tight touching my belly. The contractions were starting to get stronger, but they were still very manageable. We took Dexter and Ronin for a walk around the neighborhood to see if we could get the contractions going a bit more. We walked up the pretty steep hill in the development across from ours. I noted that the contractions were a bit stronger, but they were still very manageable. At about 10 a.m., we decided to drive to the local animal shelter. Dustin and I had reluctantly agreed that we needed to relinquish Colby, our cat. She had a mean streak that we just couldnt have around our new baby. Colby would attack us completely unprovoked. We didnt have another option. So, Mum and I drove to the animal shelter. The drive started getting the contractions going a bit stronger bumpy roads help speed things along! We got to the shelter, and Mum went in with the cat. I stayed out in the car because I was starting to get uncomfortable. The shelter had just had an outbreak of ringworm, so they wouldnt take Colby. So, we headed home. On the way home, the contractions started getting much more intense. I was gripping onto the door handle and tensing up my bottom with each one. When we got home at about 11:30 a.m., I called Special Beginnings. They said that it sounded like I was obviously progressing but that I probably had a ways to go yet. They said I could stay at home a bit longer and that I should call when I did decide to head to the birth center. I called Dustin and asked him to come home. He was home at 12:15 p.m. When he got home, Dustin took over tracking the contractions. They were about a minute long and about three minutes apart. I was starting to not be able to talk through them. I was most comfortable standing up with my feet spread and hips swaying from side to side. I was convinced that I hadnt progressed very far (I was concerned that we would be showing up at the birth center too early in labor and would therefore be there too long; I wanted to labor at home as long as I could), but he decided we should head to the birth center. I was happy a

decision was made. I was about to draw myself a bath because I wanted to be in water, so I was glad that he had made that decision for me. We called Special Beginnings to let them know, and we were in the car at by 1 p.m. The drive there kicked my labor up another gear. I was starting to get more uncomfortable, and the contractions were starting to get more intense, though I still wouldnt call them painful. We got to Special Beginnings at 1:30 p.m. We went right into our birthing room. The nurse, Flossie, checked my vitals and your heart beat. My blood pressure was a bit elevated, but we thought that was because of the car ride. She left us to get settled in. I asked for a birthing ball, and Laurel, the nurse/lactation consultant who would be spending the most time with us, came in with it. I sat on the ball, and it helped quite a bit. I remember being surprised at this as sitting on the toilet (especially eliminating) or on a car seat had been making my contractions incredibly magnified. I also used the ball to support myself in the hands and knees position. We were all having a great time. We were laughing, making jokes, and just being really happy. Jessica, the midwife on call and in house (the other midwife on call was David, but he was at the hospital with another laboring mother [in retrospect, I realize that I had once hoped that David would be on call to work with me through my labor. Surprisingly, this did not cross my mind once during labor. I was happy to have whomever.]), made her way in a bit before 2 p.m. and checked me. My blood pressure was back to normal now, so we were good. (Your heart beat, little Aria, was perfect at all times. You were never out of the 140s-150s throughout our entire pregnancy and labor, even during transition.) Jessica gave me a vaginal exam, and I was expecting to hear the numbers 3 or 4 when she announced how dilated I was. We were all stunned, including Jessica, when she announced I was 8 cm and 100% effaced. You were at position +2. And my bag of waters was intact. I couldnt believe it. I had to repeat it to make sure I had heard her correctly. Here I was, on the brink of transition, and I was expecting another long day of laboring! I had not been acting like the usual laboring mom who was dilated 8 cm. I was happy, alert, and with it. Suddenly, there was a rush of action as it became clear the birthing tub needed to be filled NOW and not in a couple of hours. Within half an hour, at about 2:30 p.m., I was finally able to get in the tub. The water felt absolutely sublime. The contractions had really started heating up after Jessica checked me, and I wanted to get in water very badly. I was on my knees with my arms draped over the side of the tub. Dustin was one on side and Mum was on the other. Dustin would keep talking to me, telling me positive things, telling me how good I was doing, and cracking jokes. I was laughing throughout the entire labor because of him. Mum was making sure I was drinking enough and was eating honey sticks (I had had absolutely no appetite since about 10 a.m.). Laurel, genius that she is, started to pour warm water down my back. It was an

Finallyabletogetintothetub!

incredibly comforting thing, and it helped keep me relaxed. (I told you, water was a huge part of this experience!) Suddenly, the contractions got really heavy and I started to make noise to go along with them. This was totally primal and I had no idea I was doing it until, at one point, Jessica interrupted me and said, Katy, you are too high pitched. I thanked her (really, I said thank you!), and consciously lowered my tone to help my bottom open up even more. I felt the shift and thought Id hit transition. I asked the room if this was transition and Jessica chuckled when she confirmed it was. I said to Dustin, This is it. I can do this. This is the worst of it. Bipple is almost here! Soon after that, I threw up everything in my stomach. That wasnt pleasant, but it made me happy, as I felt it was a sign that my body was working to expel things! Then I felt a burning sensation at the top half of my cervix. I remember crying out, It burns! It burns! Jessica, who had been sitting close by charting my labor, sprung up and checked me. I had an anterior lip of cervix. She tried to coax it back with the next contraction, but it wasnt budging. We decided to give it a couple more contractions and then check again. These next contractions were the heaviest and hardest ones I had to deal with. I was in a completely primal state, and I was making noises without even knowing it. My body had decided that it was time to push you out, but that anterior lip had to move first. My uterus was pushing, and every fiber of my being was screaming at me to push, but I had to resist all that and let that anterior lip move out of the way. Around this time, my water broke. I heard Laurel and Jessica, who were behind me, say There it is! and I asked What?! I had no idea what they meant! Two heavy contractions later, at 3 p.m., Jessica checked me again and found that the lip had moved. I could push! What an absolute relief that was! At first, I had a hard time figuring out how to push. I was pushing with my face, not my bottom, which meant that I was using my valuable energy in the wrong place. Mum was urging me to get three good pushes out of every contraction. For each contraction, I would push as long as I could, take a breath, push as long as I could, take another breath, and then give a final push. The hands and knees position was getting difficult because I couldnt find purchase with my feet, which was making it difficult for me to push. Jessica (or was it Laurel?) suggested that I change position. The tub had a little step on it, so I used that as a perch for my bottom. I leaned back against Laurel, who was outside the tub and was anchoring my arms. Then, when a contraction came, I grabbed my legs behind my knees and drew my legs up, making my pelvis open and giving me something to push against. This worked much better for me. Dustin and Laurel switched places, so Dustin was anchoring me against the side of the tub. He kept telling me how well I was doing. A couple of contractions later, and I had finally gotten the feel of how to push efficiently. I was getting three good pushes out of every contraction, thanks to Mums reminders, and I was taking advantage of my bodys work as much as I could. Another contraction or two, and you were crowning! Jessica told me to reach down. After asking Jessica if she was sure it was okay for me to do that (I think I was worried Id make you back up!), I felt the top of your head! All that hair, waving in the water. It was amazing, being able to feel you right there. Jessica warned me that she was going to ask me to push gently soon. I repeated

what she said and told her to yell at me if she needed to so that I would be sure to do things right. I knew that I was focusing so intensely on my work that when a contraction came, everything around me disappeared. Another contraction and a mighty push, and then she was telling me to go gentle. I could feel my bottom stretching around your head. Amazing. Then, another big push, and I felt your head come out and my bottom spring back around the smaller diameter of your neck. Right away, another contraction came on, and I felt your shoulders slide down my birth canal. I could feel your bones moving against me. It was incredible. Jessica birthed your head and first shoulder, and then quickly moved my mum into place (she was right next to her) so that she could catch you. That last push to get your body out was so quick, I dont know how they maneuvered so quickly! Before I knew it, I had you in my arms. I didnt even think to look and see if you were boy or girl. It didnt matter you were here. As Mum handed you to me, she said, Katy, its Aria! That Soworththework! didnt even register at first. I was too busy reveling in you, feeling you on my chest, seeing your face! I had been looking forward to that first cuddle throughout the entire pregnancy. Everything else went away. It was just you and me. Everyone was talking to me and each other, but to me they sounded miles away. I had no idea about anything else that was going on. You were in my arms, and that is literally all that mattered to me at that moment. Finally (it felt like a long time, but it was really just a matter of seconds), Jessica got my attention. We moved out of the tub pretty immediately as you had let some meconium fly once you were born (how genius of you to wait until you were born rather than in utero!). I stood up with you in my arms. You were still connected to the placenta, which I hadnt birthed yet. We stepped out of the tub, with everyone there for support, of course, and moved over to the bed. I wobbled the two steps to the bed and got settled. I was lying down with you on my chest, skin to skin. I had some pillows propped up behind me, but I was essentially lying flat. You were in such a quiet alert state. You didnt say a peep for about half an hour. Jessica and Laurel were trying to mess with you so that you would take a gulp of air. You took a while to pink up because of this, but I was never worried. I knew you were fine and that you were just calmly taking in your new surroundings. After about 10 minutes, Jessica helped me birth the placenta. That was a very strange sensation, birthing this slippery, structure-less mass after birthing you. The placenta came out with no problems, fully intact. I was really interested in this amazing organ that arises for no purpose other than to provide the fetus with safe nutrition. I had Laurel take some pictures of it. I wanted to be able to take a closer look at it later, and its an amazing thing to have record of.

I had a second-degree tear in my vagina (not my perineum). I had to scoot around so that my bottom was balanced over the edge of the bed. My feet were resting on Jessicas thighs as she stitched me up. You were on my chest the whole time. In some ways, this experience was more unpleasant than the entire birth. Im not a fan of needles, and feeling a few needles in that sensitive area was not fun. But, Jessica did a great job I only felt two or three pinches as the local anesthesia was administered, and then nothing but slight pressure as she stitched me up. Within a few minutes, I was able to scoot back into bed so I could concentrate on you and getting you to latch on. You were so calm throughout all of this. You just looked around, snuggling up against me. I kept trying to get you to nurse, but you werent interested. Maybe it was the adrenalin and the rush of all the other hormones, but I started to get worried about you not latching, even though I logically knew that 1) you would when you were ready and 2) you were in no danger of starving! Finally, with a little coaxing from Laurel, you latched on. The feeling of your first pull, my dear, is one of my most treasured memories. As you took your first sip of colostrum, I teared up, knowing that we were starting a very special relationship. After taking some initial pictures, calling the most important people (Dustins parents, my dad, my brother, and Heidi) to tell them of your arrival, and making sure both you and I were okay, Mum, Jessica, and Laurel left us to get to know one another. Your daddy and I just stared at you for what felt like the longest time. Your daddy held you for the first time, and you fit perfectly into his arms. You were meant to be there. You nursed on and off for the next hour or so, and we just cuddled. Pretty soon, I wanted to get up from the bed to stretch my legs and go to the bathroom. Mum went to get some sandwiches as Laurel wouldnt let me get out of bed until Id had some real food. She got sandwiches from Safeway. That turkey sub, though nothing special and probably quite gross, was the best tasting food Ive ever had. It was so delicious. It was cold, filling, and just exactly what I needed. Finally, Laurel let me get out of bed to go to the bathroom. Nanny held you while I made this trek. At about 5:30 p.m., I was ready to bring you home. The adrenalin was wearing off, and I was starting to feel tired. I wanted to go home, but we had to stay at Special Beginnings until 7:25 p.m. Readytogohome! About an hour before we could leave, Laurel came in to get your footprints, height, and weight. You were 21.25 inches and 8 pounds, 3 ounces. Both you and I got dressed, and Andrea, the nurse now on duty, came in to go over our discharge instructions. That done, we were finally allowed to go home! We strapped you into the car seat, Andrea checked to make sure it was installed correctly, and off we went! You slept the whole way home. We were home by 8 p.m. You and I settled on the couch while Mum and

Dustin got everything else taken care of (putting bags away, etc.). Lisa and Dave were fabulous and brought us a big dinner. Everyone ate well, and Lisa was the first person outside of the family to snuggle you. Then my adrenalin really started wearing off. I feel asleep on the couch with you on my chest. We went to bed. Of course, you were amazing. You slept 5 hours straight. When you woke, you nursed and went right back to sleep. You woke 2 hours later and did the same thing. When you next woke up, which was another 2 hours later, I was ready to be up for the day. So, thats my side of the story. It was, without a doubt, my perfect birth. We are proof that the perfect birth can happen. I attribute this to my attitude toward pregnancy and birth, to Dustins amazing support, to Mums steadfastness, to my wonderful care team, and to our preparedness. Id do it all again in a heartbeat. My attitude toward pregnancy and birth was the most impactful thing, I think. I knew that pregnancy and birth was right. It was what females were evolved to do, so I knew my body could handle it. I didnt accept the medical takeover of every facet of birth. Sure, its great that we have medical knowledge, and it has saved a lot of lives. But, I feel it has gone too far in birth. Women no longer trust their bodies, and I was lucky enough to realize that I could trust my body. If I just listened to my body let it tell me what to do and when to do it I knew I could have a great birth. And thats exactly what happened. My body told me, for example, when to start pushing. My birth team had nothing to do with this my body started pushing on its own. It started working for me, and I just had to learn to supplement that work with my extra effort. We are amazing creatures, us women. Our bodies are miraculous. We can adapt to so much, if we just let ourselves.
Justhoursafterthebirth