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Judith Butler believes that the process of becoming gendered begins at birth and is not pre-existing.

Some disagree with her and believe that gender pre-exists birth (Charles, 2007). For sure the difference in gender communication begins already in childhood. We are programmed from an early age with such things as our nursery rhymes. Snips and snails and puppy dog tails, thats what little boys are made of. Sugar and spice and everything nice, thats what little girls are made of. This sets the stage for our future gender differences. What is acceptable for one gender may not be acceptable for the other (Braedyn Svecz, 2010). The development of a gendered identity starts from the very moment babies are identified as male or female as they experience societal, familial, and cultural interactions (Zittleman, 2006). Girls are told to play quietly, be ladylike, and to use their manners. They like to play with dolls and make believe. They cooperate as a group when playing together. They are allowed to show their feelings and are nurtured when they get hurt. Boys, on the other hand, use rough language, are rambunctious, and like to play loudly. They like to play team games and are competitive. If a boy gets hurt, he is told to be a man, or not to cry and be tough. A relational style of interaction develops in girls as opposed to a competitive style of interaction that develops in boys. Gender schema is non-conscious hypotheses about sex differences that guide peopless perceptions and behaviors, leading men and women alike to overvalue males and undervalue females(Zittleman, 2006). These lead us to provide greater advantages to males and explain why many gender inequities are taken for granted or seen as natural gender role behaviors. Research shows that biologically, boys and girls are more similar than they are different.

Gender stereotypes have a history that starts with learned beliefs of femininity and masculinity (Zittleman, 2006). The communication behaviors and patterns in males have a tendency to be honest, factual, and direct. This is called report-type talk. They usually try to stay away from personal topics and instead will talk about sports, news, events and facts. They usually tell more stories and jokes than women. While working on a project, men tend to get straight to work on the assignment and build relationships as they work on it. The behaviors of communication men possess are usually based on reason, logic, power, rank, status, and competition. They want to communicate to exchange information and to solve problems. Men process information internally for decision making and reflect within. Female communication patterns and traits are very different from males. They tend to be nurturing, respectful and indirect. This is called rapport-type talk. Women usually build relationships and make connections. The behaviors of communication women possess are usually based on feeling, empathy, harmony, closeness, relationships, sharing, and cooperation. Women like to discuss personal subjects like feelings, past experiences and relationships. Women build relationships first to accomplish their projects. Women tend to talk aloud to others in order to process information to make decisions. These traits are general and not strictly male or female attributes. Anyone can have a mixture of these qualities. To overcome the gender communication barrier in our culture though, we need to understand and be able to identify typical patterns of communication. A lot

of times both men and women struggle to communicate with the opposite sex. Communication needs to be understood to be effective (Braedyn Svecz, 2010). Deborah Tannen wrote a best-seller, You Just Dont Understand: Women and Men in Conversation which looks at the diverse conversational styles of men and women in detail. She realized, based on her research that boys and girls early social lives are so dissimilar that they develop in what are essentially different cultures. Therefore, when women and men talk it is in essence, cross-cultural communication. This communication is filled with so many possible misunderstandings, just as would be between people from different ethnic backgrounds, languages, or countries (Hahn & Litwin, 1995).