Can a religious issue in reality be masking a psychological issue?

By Tarek Younis, a student currently completing his PhD/PsyD in Psychology in Montreal. He can be found at muslimpsyche.blogspot.com Psychological issues are sometimes confounded with religious ones, making it difficult to get to the bottom of some peoples concerns. But how exactly can the psychological and the spiritual be indistinguishable? Arent they clearly distinct components? Unfortunately, I dont believe the answer is so simple, and this article will avoid tackling the monumental task of mapping their relationship. Instead, it is sufficient to say for now that the soul, mind and body are deeply interconnected; as one components pain sometimes affect the other two, one could rationally preclude an individual can falsely interpret the pain of one component to belong to another. Let me provide an example as to avoid senseless philosophizing. Imagine, if you will, a young adult whos been controlled all his life by his parents; an unfortunate circumstance that many can relate with. This person was never given the opportunity to exercise his own free will lest he experiences the full wrath of his parents or, at the very least, troubling guilt trips. Of course, just because someone is controlled doesnt negate our need to express our agency. Enter rebellion. But what do we rebel against if weve been controlled to be Muslim? A brother approached me not too long ago, worried sick that he may be a hypocrite. Upon questioning, he described to me how he often repeats his religious rituals (prayer, ablution, etc.) several times, for fear that they wont be accepted by God. Even the simple act of listening to Quran has become tedious; his heart beats rapidly and he feels enormous pressure at the very sound of Allah. Why? The brother is continuously haunted by thoughts of kufr (e.g. God does not exist), ironically accompanied by the fear that God will surely throw him into the hellfire for them. Indeed, the brother is unable to complete a single act of worship without this intrusive thought creeping in. Are you sure youre really a Muslim? Do you really believe in Allah? Or do you just fear your parents? Its tiring, let alone devastating. The brother has developed such an incredible fear of hell as a result of these thoughts interfering with his religious obligations, hes downright depressed. When asked if he experiences such overwhelming anxiety in other areas of his life, he replies no, although he admits to having experienced symptoms of OCD (although psychologically relevant and well worth a discussion on its own, this fact can be ignored for the sake of this article). At this point, I assume the average Muslim reader suspects a deficiency in this brothers comprehension of Islamic creed; after all, if he truly understood that Allah is All-Merciful, he surely wouldnt despair so much of Allahs mercy. He just needs to speak to a scholar, I hear many brothers saying, then hell finally understand and everything will be OK. Little do they know that such advice only makes things worse. The brother actually is well-versed in the fundaments of Islamic creed, way beyond the average Muslim. Besides school and sports, his entire pastime involves reading Quran, watching videos on YouTube, and discussing Islam with friends. He is well aware of the aya "Say, *God says+, My servants who have harmed yourselves by your own excess, do not despair of Gods mercy. God forgives all sins: He is truly the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful" (39:53), the ahadith that elaborate on the waswasa of the shaytan, and the misguidance of our own nafs. In a nutshell, the brother already knows his thoughts are

unwarranted, and has convinced himself rationally long ago of Allahs existence as well as the Prophet Mohammeds (salAllah alaihi wa sallem) prophethood; he has since never found a single flaw in the Islamic framework.

Suddenly, well into his teenage years, the brother experiences intense feelings of doubt despite all reasonable convictions telling him otherwise. Confusing, isnt it? If it is for you, then imagine what it must be like for him. In order to begin untangling this mystery, it would be wise to reflect on a significant component of everyones development: the parents. Indeed, the brother mentions that his greatest fear is to avoid disappointing his parents. Unfortunately, following this train of thought, he comes to one devastating conclusion: is he really a Muslim by choice, or is it just an act hes perfected over the years to please his parents? His confusion is even more staggering, as he reflects upon the hundreds of YouTube videos that highlight the miraculous nature of the Quran; rationally, he is fully aware that the Islamic faith has its proof, and he is convinced that in spite of his parents Islam must be more than just cultural baggage. Emotionally, however, he feels quite differently. To him, Islam is just another example of how his parents have tried to control his life. Indeed, some parents unfortunately use Islam as a means to control their children, imposing so-called Islamic restrictions on their children that may have no actual grounding in the religion. This is not to say that parents cannot encourage certain values with teenagers indeed they should - however, encouragement is one thing, and control is another. For one can only be controlled for so long; sooner or later, the innermost psychological need to make ones own decisions becomes uncontainable. In these moments of desperation, the brother wishes he could just break the shackles of his parents and run away, but this causes a great deal of anxiety tragically, the shackles are engraved with the word Islam. Thus, his deep feelings of hypocrisy come to light: he questions why he harbors these strong feelings of wanting to let go of Islam, despite all rational thought telling him its the truth. The shackles his parents have imposed on him may be intolerable, but theyre indispensable. Analogies are the prophetic means of illustrating a point, so let me provide one to crystalize mine. Imagine a man crossing a wilderness. Doing so, he follows a single path carved into the landscape, however he does not follow this path by choice; instead, this single path is enclosed by a fence on both sides. The man perceives no choice in the matter he must continue on this endless path that has been constructed by someone else. Theoretically, this wouldnt be an issue if not for one significant shortcoming: the man can see through the fence, in the wilderness beyond. Naturally, an idea is incepted: are there perhaps other ways out of the wilderness? Thus, slowly but surely, the mans desire to choose a path other than the one he is forced upon expands. He begins to acknowledge his innermost desires to carve his own path, and sure enough, his frustration towards the path hes imprisoned upon evolves into anger anger towards both the path and its architects. Clearly, the architects have forgotten that if one truly desires to suppress anothers free will, one must nurture the delusion that no other paths exist; an impossible feat in the wilderness.

Lets discuss the metaphor with regards to the youth I mentioned above. The wilderness can be likened to the world, whereas the path reflects the route his parents have chosen for him to cross. Growing up, the youth becomes more and more aware of other directions he could possibly take, however the fence fear of punishment, shame or guilt ensures he does not stray away. At this point, it is important to highlight how God has given us a free will for a reason; indeed, if there was any authority in the universe that could potentially control our every move, it would be God. But He doesnt. In fact, the purpose of our existence is to examine once we reached a certain age of maturity - if we are willing to choose the path that leads to Him or not. But wheres the issue? you ask, The path thats fenced is the Islamic one, right? Even if hes fenced in, hes at least on the right path. Well, therein lies the dilemma, and if you truly take a moment to empathize with the youth, you too can perhaps begin to appreciate why 1) he feels like a hypocrite and 2) a part of him wants to leave Islam. Because his parents are Muslim, and this is quite significant, the youth has associated their path with that of Islam; because his parents never nurtured his God-given agency and provided him with the allowance of making his own choices, the youth is incapable of differentiating between acts of obedience towards his parents and towards God. This sentiment is quite familiar with many youth today, many of whom display religious devotion as to avoid punishment or shame of the parents. Certainly, the youths who never give their existence a second thought will most likely stray from the path of their parents - and by extension, Islam when circumstances are more opportune. The discussion of leaving faith however is beyond the scope of this article, for I merely want to focus on the example Ive highlighted above. You see, as I mentioned previously, this youth is quite fascinated with existential questions; hes been eagerly watching videos of scholars/philosophers and participating in meaning of life debates ever since high school. And therein lays the greatest irony: that the youth was able to rationally conclude that Islam is the truth is of upmost psychological significance to his anxiety. Not because Islam is the source of anxiety - although an ignoramus may quickly jump to that conclusion - but because the path he has chosen to embark on just happens to be the same path his parents have confined him to his whole life. Now the youth can never be sure of if his choice in belief, despite its rationale, is truly his decision or not a monumental issue for someone who takes his faith very seriously. Consider this exercise in empathy: imagine having to endure every single act of religious obedience (ablution, prayer, fasting, etc.) with the following thought Are you really a Muslim? You dont really believe in God. Are you REALLY convinced that He exists, or are you doing it for your parents? You dont really believe in God As his heart beats more rapidly, he sinks into to darkness of uncertainty, living at the psychological edge; his anxiety is beyond distressing, and he spends every waking moment in fear of Gods wrath. The last few years have been spent trying to counteract his anxiety; he would arm himself to the teeth with arguments for Islam in attempt to convince himself, once and for all, of Gods existence. And yet, despite every single proof presented to him, and despite his very own rational convictions, the thoughts of doubt only intensified. Are you SURE its the truth, or are you just trying to please your parents. Can you be absolutely sure of anything? At this point, the youth revealed to me his only imaginable course of action that would eradicate it: Id like to leave Islam, and see if maybe I would come back to it. Its quite unusual, to say the least, but perfectly understandable when contextualized with what I

mentioned previously. Essentially, the youth fears that the thoughts he holds inside in all their blasphemous glory represent the true him, and the only way to objectively test the reality of that hypothesis is to indulge it. Clearly, all attempts to persuade the youth of Islam has only amplified his anxiety, so Islam must be the cause, right? Here are some thoughts that crossed my mind: These are blasphemous thoughts, so perhaps he needs to be re-educated in Islamic creed (aqeeda). Or these are thoughts of doubt, so perhaps he needs a daii (one who invites others to Islam) to convince him of Islams truth. Or maybe he just needs to hear more stories of sahaba (companions) encountering similar thoughts of hypocrisy, of which there are many examples. Needless to say, none of these methods worked because they neglect the real issue; this is why his and our preoccupation with Islam is relatively useless. Thus, lets leave Islam aside. The youth is unsure if his choices are truly his, and so he feels the need to make his own decisions. Following this train of thought, he comes to the conclusion that the only way to actually leave his parents path is to leave Islam. However, is that really the only option? And will that truly eradicate his anxiety, which is so intense precisely because he rationally deduced Islam to be the truth? It wouldnt. In fact, his anxiety would most likely become unbearable at that point. What the youth must do instead is carve his own path through the wilderness, implementing everything hes deduced so far. To do that, he must first recognize what path hes currently on; clearly, the youth already has an idea, and his very strong urge to rebel against his parents desires is a testament to that. Now, the youth must take the single most difficult act that we were created for; an act so significant, that ideally our entire upbringing should be intended to prepare us for this point. He must step out into the wilderness, away from the comfort and confinement of his parents, and choose his own path in life. Only now when he has healthily disassociated himself from his parents path, will his decision to lead an Islamic life feel more authentic and real. His God-given agency will have come to fruition, and the anxiety associated with its suppression will fade away. In fact, at this point the youth could theoretically choose to return to his parents path; it's understandable how, in some instances, their desires, dreams and ambitions may truly be for our best. However, the crucial difference this time is that we choose to follow their lead voluntarily, instead of submitting ourselves to them unwillingly. Please note that I avoided referring to any psychological theory, or utilizing psychological rhetoric, knowingly and intentionally. Furthermore, I avoided discussing the possible reasons as to why some people relinquish their agency to their parents or, conversely, why parents control their children as well as how to recognize if this may be personally relevant to you. This isnt a self-help article. My intention was to simply demonstrate how Islamic issues may in fact be masking unresolved psychological concerns, and to briefly illustrate the significance of our free will. However, if you indeed feel that this case example mirrors an issue youve been struggling with, I urge you to consult a therapist or a counselor. This will be the topic of my next post.