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MICHAEL WILTSHIRE CORNERSTONE UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR PERINI 4.9.10 Mentoring Seminar

MICHAEL WILTSHIRE CORNERSTONE UNIVERSITY

PROFESSOR PERINI

4.9.10

Mentoring Seminar

Part 1 | Teacher notes

The purpose of this section is to introduce the participants to the idea that there is not only one best way to do men- toring. The reality is that a good mentor determines how they will engage mentoring depending on the context of the relationship.

The goal of this section will be to help participants discover the importance of context in their mentoring relationship.

Part 1 | Teacher Tips

Let the words given by the participants remain on the space you write them on. These can be a point of refer- ence for everyone. They will also give a vocabulary for everyone to use and under- stand.

If you can, put the Scenarios on a white board or Power- Point slide so the participants can study them more in-depth.

Part 1 | Mentoring in Context

[15 MINS]

Ask: When you think of a good mentor, what words or ideas come to mind?

Next, Have participants list words and write them for all to see.

Say: Given these words and ideas, what do you think a good mentor would do in these three scenarios?

After each Scenario, Ask:

What does a good men- tor do in this situation?

Scenario 1 Allison and Lily have been meeting weekly for about two months. Recently Allison's mentee has been reluctant to meet regular- ly. At their last meeting, Allison's mentee didn't show.

Scenario 2 Ben and his mentee have hit a rough patch. Alex, Ben's mentee has signifi- cantly doubting his faith in God. Ben has tied to listen and understand but Alex has been communi- cating that he still feels unheard.

Then, have them their answers with Discuss with one another briefly .

Mentoring in Context Continued:

Scenario 3 Glen and Justin have been meeting regularly for a few years now. Their meeting times have most- ly consisted of how each others families have been or how their job has been treating them. Lately Glen has been wondering if their meeting times should have more struc- ture or goals than it cur- rently seems to. A Pastor recommended reading a and discussing a certain book in order for the Glen feels like this may be a good idea sense his mentoring has come to be more mutually beneficial for him then originally planned.

Say:

It’s sometimes easy to believe that there are for-

mulaic answers to com- mon mentoring scenarios like these. We often pull from a vocabulary (like the one on this white board) that supposes that there is a right and a wrong way to handle difficulties in mentoring.

However, the truth is that in mentoring, the answers to these scenarios can on- ly be found through ob-

servation of each specific

context. While it may be easy to say that the an- swer to Ben’s issue empa-

thy and be support, that answer, while maybe true is really incomplete because we don’t have enough infor- mation to understand the context of their relationship. What if Alex has a history of abandonment by loved ones? How should that change Ben’s response?

In order to be a healthy mentor, you and I have to work to become deeply aware and in-tune with the context of our relationships. We must avoid comparison and the belief that there is always one right or wrong way to mentor. We must begin to develop a sense of the context of our own personal history, and the history of our mentees. We must be aware of the context of our unique relationship. And we must be aware that we have the freedom to mentor in the ways that work best for each of us. With the foundation of context, we have begin to use the skills, tools, and styles of mentoring in the healthiest way possible.

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MICHAEL WILTSHIRE CORNERSTONE UNIVERSITY

PROFESSOR PERINI

4.9.10

Mentoring Seminar

Part 2 | Mentoring with Balance

Say: We are going to talk about Balance in Mentor- ing. Balance in mentoring can best be found out through understanding the grasping of your unique situational and relational context.

Throughout the long his- tory of Christian mentor-

ing, people have tended to lean toward one of two approaches. We are going to explore those approaches now

and begin to learn from each of them.

Approach #1 | Disciple- ship in Mentoring

The term "Discipleship" is often used in Christian circles in order to attach Christ-like concepts to the model of mentorship. Discipleship driven men- toring often looks like this:

An older, wiser mentor, meets regularly with a younger Christian who is beginning to make strides in growing in their faith. The mentor's role be-

comes one of guidance. He is the mentor who is there to answer life's toughest questions and to teach his mentee how to become more disciplined

in being Christ-like in their

time here on earth. Dietrich Bonhoeffer once said it this way, "Christianity without disci- pleship is always Christi-

anity without Christ.

Words that go well with the Discipleship model include:

-Influence

-Teaching

-Challenging

-And Agenda

Approach #2 | Spiritual Direction in Mentoring

According to author Heather Webb, "Spiritual direction is an ancient art of being with another person in relationship with God." The mentor who desires to be a Spir- itual Director, according

to Webb, must take on a

“non-authoritarian role where the director sees herself as a companion on the journey of the soul.”

What does this look like

in mentoring?

A mentoring relationship

built on this model often focuses on (1) personal story, (2) a select text or (3) prayer.

In each of these focal

points, the Spiritual Direc- tor is guided by a focus on the spiritual walk, not necessarily on the mem- ber’s adherence to creeds or doctrine or on emo- tional and psychological insights interventions, or behavior. The earlier Scenario with

[45 MINS]

Glen and Justin may in fact be a relationship of Spiritual Direction rather than Discipleship.

Words that go well the Director model include :

-Questions -Journey -Companion -And Unstructured

In groups, have everyone discuss:

-How have you been able to identify with either of these styles?

-What dangers could pre- sent themselves by em- bracing either style of mentoring?

-Which style of mentoring

do you find yourself lean- ing toward?

Part 2 | Teacher notes  The purpose of this section is to introduce the
Part 2 | Teacher notes
 The purpose of this section is
to introduce the participants
to two common, styles of
mentoring.
 The goal of this section will
be to help participants iden-
tify which side of mentoring
they might lean toward and
challenge them to discover
the how to find a healthy
middle ground on which to
mentor.
Part 2 | Teacher Tips  It may be helpful to draw a graph on
Part 2 | Teacher Tips
 It may be helpful to draw a
graph on a white board of a
line with two ends represent-
ing the two styles on opposite
sides.
 Provide a sheet of paper or
the attached PowerPoint with
the two approaches and the
three discussion questions
written on it.
 This page should take about
20 minuets to work through.

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MICHAEL WILTSHIRE CORNERSTONE UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR PERINI 4.9.10 Mentoring Seminar

MICHAEL WILTSHIRE CORNERSTONE UNIVERSITY

PROFESSOR PERINI

4.9.10

Mentoring Seminar

Part 2.5| Mentoring with Balance

[45 MINS]

Say: While both of these styles of mentoring have positive sides to them they also have

negative aspects as well. Ask: What possible dangers did you come up with in your

group discussions? [possible answers might include: Discipleship may come across as conditional love, while Direction may come across as inference]

In order to become healthier mentors, we have to learn how to balance our agendas with our flexible support of our mentees. Right now, we are going to look at three tools that can help us live in the land between Discipleship and Directive mentoring.

Part 2 | Teacher notes

The purpose of this section is to introduce the participants to two common, yet extreme styles of mentoring.

The goal of this page will be to help participants identify specific tools to help them achieve and measure bal- ance in their mentoring style.

Part 2 | Teacher Tips

Use the PowerPoint or write on a white board the three tools and a brief description of each one.

This page should take about 20 minuets to work through.

If possible, provide copies of Andrew Root’s book Relation-

ships Unfiltered.

Tool #1 | Profile Statements:

Profile statements are brief sentences that state a specific measurable goal for your rela- tionship. They are mentee focused and always are developed through a sense of con- text. By creating a few profile statements, you can set measurable goals that will help give your relationship a sense of direction that focuses on the heart of a person rather than simply their behavior. Note: Be aware and keep track of your progress in reaching

these goals. Feel free to update, change, or replace statements depending on the context of your relationship.

Here are a few examples of a profile statement:

-I will help my mentee develop coping skills. -I will help my mentee recognize his impulsive tendencies and how they may affect his/ her relationships. -I will help my mentee develop practical skills to become more organized with time management.

Tool #2 | Place-Sharing

Place-Sharing is a method developed by Andrew Root in his book Relationships Unfil- tered. In order to find balance between Discipleship and Direction, Root offers up a role that guides the mentor to simply share in the lives of their mentees regularly and wholly.

This happens in three ways: (1) Place-Sharers believe that for any true guidance, disciple- ship, or agendas for their relationship can find root only in the soil of simply being with one another. (2) Place-Sharing means “to suffer with” the other. The problem for many mentors is that they feel it is their role to hear the suffering of their mentees, and then provide answers and strategies to relive the pain. In order to be a Place-Sharer, you must

learn to enter the suffering of the other, and be present in it with them. (3) Finally, A Place-Sharer can find comfort in the reality that they are living in a fuller picture of the Trinity. Just as all three persons in the Trinity point away from themselves by represent-

ing the others (The Incarnation, ect), so does a Place-Sharer live to share love for others.

Tool #3 | Finding A Mentor

Mentoring may best be learned through experience. Becoming an expert on mentoring may not be as far out of reach as you may think. A good first step may be to find a mentor of your own. These people will help teach you wisdom and love for the art of mentoring and help you through line while they are at it. Finding a mentor can come about in may ways. It can be a real person or even an author. There are many people who are gifted at mentoring through books. Go find some of them!

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MICHAEL WILTSHIRE CORNERSTONE UNIVERSITY

PROFESSOR PERINI

4.9.10

Mentoring Seminar

[30 MINS]

Say: So far, we’ve talked about different mentoring styles, and the importance of your individual context in determining which works best for you. We’ve also looked at several mentoring tools that may help us find balance in our mentoring strategies. Finally, we are going to explore with each other, how we can apply some principles or ideas we’ve found today.

In groups, each person will take a can of PlayDough and shape an object or image that represents a particular part of the unique context of their relationship that they desire to

be more aware of or more winning to engage in. After the creation is made, have each person briefly share what they have made and why.

-What information do you need to better understand your current or future mentee?

In groups, each person will take a bar of soap and a small carving knife. Then instruct par- ticipants to carve the bar into an object or image that represents which style of mentoring they feel most inclined. After each person is finished, have them briefly share with the rest of their group,

In groups, each person will create an object or image that represents one specific thing they’ve learned in the last 90 minutes that they desire to apply to their mentoring rela- tionships right away. After each person is finished making their object, have them share

with the rest of their group.

Conclusion:

Say:

When it comes to mentoring, there is not one right way and one wrong way. However, there is healthy ways and unhealthy ways.

As you desire to move toward

healthy, remember that context, styles, tools , and partners (in this room and elsewhere) are available to you.

Q & A:

As time permits, open yourself up for a Question and Answers session. This will not only help answer possi- ble questions but also (1) help par- ticipants continue to think through the material, and (2) allow you to share personal stories that show what the ideas in this seminar look like in real life.

Part 3| Discovering Health PlayDough Experiment: Part 3 | Teacher notes  The purpose of
Part 3| Discovering Health
PlayDough Experiment:
Part 3 | Teacher notes
 The purpose of this section is
to help participants review
and rethink what they have
heard in this seminar.
Some examples may be:
-What makes your mentoring relationship unique from others?
 The goal of this section is to
give participants at least one
new idea of tool that they
can remember and apply to
their current mentoring
relationship(s).
Soap Shavings:
Claymation:
Part 3 | Teacher Tips  Make a PowerPoint or write on a white board
Part 3 | Teacher Tips
 Make a PowerPoint or write on
a white board the three exer-
cises and a brief description of
each one.
 Depending on how many
groups of people there are, it
may be wise to have everyone
find new groups for each
exercise.
 This page should take about
30 minuets to work through.

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