FROM SCRIPT TO SCREEN:

ONLINE GREENLIGHT REVIEW PART 2

ALEX EDMONDS
Allocated Words: Cemetery, Light Bulb and Tight-Rope Walker Story Title: Cheating Death

------ SCRIPT
Link to Updated Script - http://alexnedmonds.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/from-script-to-screencheating-death.html

------STORYBOARD
Link to Draft Storyboard - http://alexnedmonds.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/from-script-toscreen-updated-storyboard.html

------PRODUCTION DRAWINGS, ENVIROMENT

------PRODUCTION DRAWINGS, CHARACTERS

------VISUAL CONCEPT INFLUENCE MAP

------CHARACTER INFLUENCE MAPS

------CREATIVE PARTNERSHIP
Creative Partner: Matt Coward - http://mattman12.blogspot.co.uk/ Comments on Matts blog from Myself to Matt: 13 January 2013 01:30 Matt I really like the whole concept that the beginning is in fact the end, it gets the viewers attention right away thinking "what has happened here?". Really interested to see what you come up with for the unfortunate man's death. Are you thinking comical? a serious death? just plan crazy? as you said there are many possibilities. He may not necessarily die from the fish bowl, the death could involve a fish/fishes but the bowl could just fall on his head at the end for a little gag :) 13 January 2013 01:47 I actually do like version 1 with the whole struggle of the seemingly simple task to wash a window of dirt. When it comes to incorporating your fish in the story what sprang to mind for me was someone coming out of a neighbouring pet store carrying a fish bowl with a fish in it and walks past the struggling window cleaner and then you could think of something that happens there like a collision for example? Also maybe the fish element hasn't got to be alive? Possibly a van full of raw fish could pull up on the curb right where he is working and it stinks! And he hates the smell of fish - that could certainly spark something? Oh and I also read Phils comment on an earlier post about looking at it from the fishes perspective, in a fish world - I actually think that would put a great spin on things so definitely something to think about :) 16 January 2013 23:07 Hey mate good choice of scenes, personally I think you should go for toy story - the camera is all over the place using pov of buzz and when it cuts to different angles and shots. The others look a lot more complicated to me but thats just my opinion. Looking forward to your like for like which ever one you choose :) Comments on My blog from Matt to Myself: 9 January 2013 16:25 Unlucky alex you got me as your Creative partner :0 lol It's good that you've already come up with 3 strong ideas to begin with. I like the idea of death making him win his chance of life through a phhysical challenge, sinister but quite funny. 20 January 2013 00:31 This is an amazing like for like, as Sam said, it's very dynamic and it makes you assume there is fast paced action within that film just from the way you have drawn the images. Good job man 20 January 2013 00:22 That's a shame becuase I really liked the top story, it sounded so fun. Do you know what one you're sticking with now? Are you still incorporating the same tight rope backstory because it is a good one. 21 January 2013 13:00 Haha I like seeing your written idea materialise into a storyboard. This is funny too, especially the ending. It's quite funny that death can't be cheated because he actually cheats himself to make sure he wins everytime. The story shows why death can never lose. It's a cool story and I

love the idea of the "chance" of living again by having a fruit machine included. Thats ironic and gives false hope becuae the main charcater takes his chances but he can never win because death will never allow it, it's similar to the gambling world, You may win a little but you will always ultimately lose more. Nice work :) Can't wait to see you character designs etc Conversation between Matt and Myself: (edited parts) Saturday 5:47pm Alex Edmonds I left some comments on your blog check them out, hows your project going? done your like for like? 5:50pm Matt Man yeah I think I replied to those earlier. My project has been up and down wbu? doing my like for like atm 5:54pm Alex Edmonds oh I haven't got an email, ah right are you still having trouble with your story? and oh which one have you chosen? 6:00pm Matt Man Ive got a different idea that I saved as a draft but I think I havent spent enough time on my stories because I'm trying to stick to a basic, short story but I dont know if it makes it boring? 6:02pm Alex Edmonds Oh right whats that then? and yeah well the simpler the better, you don't want to over complicate things 6:08pm Alex Edmonds do you reckon Phil will allow you to have your prop as a fish instead of the bowl itself? 6:14pm Matt Man as for the prop, maybe...... I'll ask him thats the thing, the examples I checked out are really basic and I honestly think thats the kind of stories we should be coming up with. I dont want some over complicated thing and then not be able to do it 6:23pm Alex Edmonds yeah its worth a try because you can do so much more with a fish, plus he let me have the underworld as opposed to cemetery, and yeah simpler is better, he told me I was over complicating things so Ive kept it simple 6:25pm

Matt Man ok I'm going to leave comments in your work tonight. What could I do with the fish as a prop though? 7:07pm Alex Edmonds ok mate I haven't done a lot and I don't know it just seems like you can do more with it other than a fish bowl, whats your draft idea btw? 8:12pm Matt Man The idea I'm going for is a window cleaner who gets commissioned to wash the main window of a new gallery that is showing expensive art. As he goes to clean this window he gets distracted by the centrepiece of the gallery; a pure Gold Fish in a diamond bowl. So he touches it and it explodes, then he tries to fix it. In the end he replaces it with a badly drawn version of a fish and he thinks he's gotten away with it. But then the owners come in and it cuts to him lying dead. Ive got a fuller version of this on blogger that I need to upload 8:12pm Matt Man You haven't done much? I can't help but think there's not too much to do anyway 8:15pm Alex Edmonds Hmm that's interesting but where is the morgue at? And does the painting justify the prop? Yeah Ive only done like 3 posts and well there is, just depends when you do it, the final list of what we need on our blogs is like 2 pages long on the brief 8:18pm Matt Man I know the morgue will be at the beginning and the end. Because the beginning starts off from the end and the story explains how he got there

8:19pm Alex Edmonds Ah I see, I'm liking it, I'm liking it - post it If you want 8:21pm Matt Man Are you really? Yeah I'm trying to tie the loose ends up, I have a more in depth version of it though so it should make sense. Where are you at in your project? 8:30pm Alex Edmonds yeah like I said before I like the fact the beginning is the ending, you just need to tie up the loose ends like you said, its that damn fish bowl that annoying and Ive just been doing ogr stuff 8:32pm Matt Man

Well the fish bowl could be the art work that he ruins? At first it was going to be in a pet shop and he crashes into it Theres not much to do for the ogr is there? 8:34pm Alex Edmonds Ah right but does that justify as the prop? What you got to think is will the same story work if something replaced that? If not then you're good, if it does then you need to use it in a better way And no there's not, Ive almost done all of it today Apart from like for like that I did a few days ago 8:36pm Matt Man Oh right, thats what Phil said too, hmmm Monday 12:34am Alex Edmonds btw I thought of another idea for you, if you're still struggling? 11:58am Matt Man Yeah please, go for it 12:20pm Alex Edmonds ok basically I thought about the "fish bowl" on a larger scale, works the same way with the dead person in the morgue at the beginning - so imagine a window washer is cleaning a window which is actually the window of an aquarium (you know like the underground ones you get) and there are sharks in there so that could act as your "fish bowl" then I was thinking one of the sharks wants to eat the window washer and distracts him or something, and is trying break the glass, so there's like this comedic rivalry between them - the window washer could get startled and trip on his equipment which would make the shark laugh for instance, the way he dies is the glass does break the shark spills out of the giant tank and gets his mouth half in the mans body (a shot of the sharks mouth coming up to the screen) ---- in the morgue beginning sequence its a man with a shark half down his body if that makes sense ?? But yeah its not great but it just came to me 12:22pm Alex Edmonds also alternately you could have the window washer doing the same thing but the shark inside the tank is trying to get to another female shark on the opposite side and it just happens that the window washer gets in the way as they both break out of their tanks to get to each other and he has two sharks either side of him covering his body - but the sharks are happy because they're together 1:35pm Matt Man Haha quality, are you sure you don't want to swap stories? I love the idea of a large scale tank like an aquarium I never thought of it like that. I'm drafting ideas up on it now. I wish I could suggest things for you but you've had a solid idea from week one

2:03pm Alex Edmonds Haha nah Im good ok then glad you like it, just came to me last night, let me know what you come up with, dont worry about it