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Jordan Hyatt Clark AP English 08 March 2011 My Modest Proposal Ja, wir sprechen Englisch. Oh, you better in this country. Thats all we need is a bit more confusion in this world. Me encanta tu pas! We do not speak Russian here. How nice it would be not to hear this babble in our great, English country-- English-speaking, that is. We would never associate with the polyglots in Britain. Welcome to the land of the free; the home of the brave; the greatest country in the world. We have the greatest economy in the world, and the greatest people to show for it. We are three hundred million strong and counting. This is the only place on Earth where you can start a business on Sunday, be a millionaire by Wednesday, and blow it all by Saturday. The great smog covering the skies over Los Angeles and New York City results from the thoughts of the smartest, hardest-working, most innovative, greatest, most American people on Earth. Everything we do is better than everything you do. Lately, however, we have allowed the speaking of the Arabic and the scribbling of the Japanese which provide confusion and deterrence for those of us who are looking for the greater good of our country. That new grill you bought comes with a manual consisting of thirty languages, thirty times the printing required, and thirty times the confusion; a grill is hard enough to assemble. This manual required more paper and more manpower to print, leading to increased costs for the company. The excess expense is then passed to the consumer who will

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now look for something cheaper due to the higher price of the linguists grill. Multiply this scenario, given the amount of grills and other products purchased in America, and our current economic situation becomes clear, as well as the solution. Why is it that the English language has millions of words, but the French only a few hundred thousand? Why do the Swedes allow their Scandinavian language to rot and die at the feet of the mighty Anglic? Because English is the best, of course! Most all industrialized countries in the world put great importance on the need for their citizens to learn English. As foreigners this is the best present they could have given short of reclaiming their American emigrants. We can continue to build and perfect the great behemoth that is American English. How do we solve our problem? We simply eliminate the immigrants! English is not our national language, but no American speaks two languages! If it is not broken, then do not fix it! This acceptance of foreigners who speak non-English languages simply forces us to be exposed like a Scot on Long Beach. Get out of the sun; it will burn you! The potholes of learning other languages on the path to success need to be covered. With the exclusion of the Frenchies, Spainards, et cetera, we can advance at a mind blowing speed towards the Superpower we once were. The primitive ramblings of those to our north, south, east, and west shall serve only to better our image. So to you, Mr. President, I say put up that wall! Dig a moat if you must! Besides English the only communicative needs we require are numbers! Burn the Constitution of New Mexico! It exists only to tempt those too stupid to mind their own good! Let there be no space in the dictionary between bilge and bilious! Terminate the utilities in Koreatown! Block the streets of Little Italy! New York is loud enough! Rename the towns of California! The Spanish have their place on our continent! Let the translations die so that we can prosper!