A REFLECTION ON HOW TO WIN BY LOSING

The insight on the contrast between two styles of morality the morality of cleverness and wit, wherein success means getting the better of the other person and the morality of righteousness wherein the highest good is thoughtfulness toward others challenged me to examine my approach to issues and situations. The mention of the contrast with these styles of morality reminded me of a recent newscast wherein a currently popular movie and television actress was reacting to rumors that she is pregnant. She was crying as she denied the story. I thought she was bemoaning such gossip because it sullied her reputation as a virtuous woman. But such was not the case. She was angry, as her outburst revealed, that people could think she was stupid as to would allow herself to get into such a condition. Halting her weeping spiel, she explained that pregnancy was out of the question because of the many product endorsements and show business contracts she had yet to fulfill. She rued how people were thoughtless toward the bankable personality that she is. Inasmuch as there was not the least whimper from her about it, righteousness seemed the least of her concern. I can therefore understand how, then in Biblical times and now in the era

of the telebabad, the struggle continues. The choice is between committing the sin of letting someone take advantage of you thereby reaping the punishment of shame, that is, having other people think less of you for having been betteredor the sin of hurting another person and consequently living with guilt as punishment.

I pray that, as in the life of Jacob, the pangs of conscience may throb in mine, so that in the end conscience would triumph over an unscrupulous desire for success. The second insightthe stress that is caused by a compromise of values reminded me that no one suffers the results of unrighteousness in a vacuum. I see this in my life as well as all around me. Abuse, whether received or inflicted upon others, taking or being taken advantage of causes or is caused by disorder and hopelessness in both the victim and the victimizer. It hurts to feel guilt, to do the right thing against all odds, to forgive or seek forgiveness, but as the author suspects, it hurts more to keep winning out over conscience. It is when I accept my mistakes, make amends, and grow in the path of righteousness that I thrive and truly succeed. Among other ethical and moral values played out in Jacobs struggle are truth or honesty and respect for the rights of others, two mutually supportive principles. In my personal work and family life, it is evident how deception, manipulation, wit and wiles can be used to get ones way. In using such methods one is dishonest. In being dishonest, one deprives others of what is rightfully theirs. My conscience tells me it would be better to be the kind of person others can trust and who can live with the knowledge that she has not lied, cheated nor stolen the rights of others, whether to a good name, to due credit, or to possessions. In current national issues, we see how the lack of transparency and integrity in our bureaucracy and institutions, public as well as private, and the deprivation or abuse of peoples rights have sunk our nation into its dismal state.

I realize that, much like Jacob, I am a strugglerchoosing between success and conscience. As he had fled his home in Beersheba to escape his brothers wrath and find a wife in Haran, I too have fled from difficulties in relationships and sought refuge in friendships and accomplishments. On his journey, Jacob encountered God in Bethel and saw a stairway leading to heaven. By Gods grace, at an early age I learned that a personal relationship with God is possible and real and has since then been enjoying it. Success and conscience are no longer in opposition as long as I keep service to God and to others as my guideline, in such order of priority. Years later, after Jacob had left Haran along with his wives, children, and property, he found himself at Jabbok, utterly alone. At this solitary place God, in the form of a man, initiated a wrestling match that lasted from dusk till dawn with Jacob. Jacobs willfulness would not allow him to give up, thus the man broke Jacob, touching his hip so that he walked with a limp for the rest of his life. He clung to God saying, I will not let you go until you bless me. When I was a child, I thought that the God of love I had come to know would never allow His children to feel any pain. But as I matured in years and in my relationship with Him, I learned that God breaks me to make me better. He once allowed my heart to break so that I could make room for Him there. Many times, He broke my will so that I could discover His will for me. Someday, He might break my physical strength so I can discover that His strength is made perfect in my weakness. Like Jacob, I have learned that the best response to Gods tough love is to cling to Him and consistently pray, I will not let You go until You bless me. And one of the blessings

I will ask of Him is that I would realize and actualize in my work and family that there is no conflict between success and conscience.