1

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Previously on Californication...
2
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You're amazing.
A goddess.
3
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You deserve the white dress
and the happy ending.
4
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I'm just not the guy to give it to you.
5
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This man's a monster.
6
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He likes to fuck women in the ass,
7
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and then tell them that he just
wants to keep it casual.
8
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:17,351
Guys, it's really nice
to be fought over, but-9
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Oh, my God! This is never
going anywhere, is it?
10
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What?
11
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You're never going to be able
to commit to another woman.
12
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Congratulations, Karen.
I don't know how you did it, but-13
00:00:24,726 --> 00:00:25,959
What?
14

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I will love you till the end of time.
15
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But I can no longer be your husband.
16
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It's such a fucking relief.
17
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Now what?
18
00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:34,067
You stay here, stand still,
19
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don't move.
20
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Here, tonight, have dinner with me.
21
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God damn it,
the truth just sounds better.
22
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Oof!
23
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Just, come on,
tell me "I love you."
24
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Just one time, tell me.
25
00:00:46,581 --> 00:00:47,714
Just come home.
26
00:00:47,749 --> 00:00:49,550
- I saw that!
- Ho! Jesus.
27
00:00:49,584 --> 00:00:50,884
Oh, I think it's the pills.
28
00:00:50,919 --> 00:00:52,252

What pills?
29
00:00:52,287 --> 00:00:53,554
I probably shouldn't be drinking.
30
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I started taking these antidepressants.
31
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How many of these did you take?
32
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No more than you did.
33
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What did-what did you do?
34
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Carrie, what did you do?
35
00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:05,599
Only what you made me.
36
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Tell me you love me.
37
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<font color="#ec14bd">Sync & corrections by honeybunny</font>
<font color="#ec14bd">www.addic7ed.com</font>
38
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Feel so cold all alone
39
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'cause, baby, you're not at home
40
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and when I'm home
41
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big deal, I'm still alone
42
00:01:31,326 --> 00:01:35,062
you can't put your arms
around a memory

43
00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:38,932
you can't put your arms
around a memory
44
00:01:38,967 --> 00:01:42,803
you can't put your arms
around a memory
45
00:01:42,837 --> 00:01:43,971
don't try...
46
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- Hello.
- Hey.
47
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Can I get you a drink?
48
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Um, I think that's my line.
49
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Ah. Hank.
50
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- And?
- And...
51
00:01:54,082 --> 00:01:56,587
- It's nice to meet me?
- Um...
52
00:01:56,707 --> 00:01:58,452
I'm not sure,
but I think this is the part
53
00:01:58,486 --> 00:01:59,731
where you tell me your name.
54
00:01:59,851 --> 00:02:00,867
Why would I do that?
55
00:02:00,987 --> 00:02:03,237
Because that's what we
do in polite society, lady.

56
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That's what separates us
from the monkeys.
57
00:02:05,627 --> 00:02:07,782
And people from Long Island.
58
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:12,466
- Karen, Karen, Karen.
- Why are you doing that?
59
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:14,067
It's just so not what I expected.
60
00:02:14,102 --> 00:02:15,857
What? What did you expect?
61
00:02:15,977 --> 00:02:17,116
Something more exotic.
62
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I mean, you seem like a Sasha.
63
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Or a--or a Pasha.
64
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- Pasha?
- Definitely an "Asha" of some sort.
65
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I'm sorry to disappoint.
66
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I'm not disappointed.
67
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I mean, if I was any more excited,
68
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my enormous man-sized diaper
would be soaking wet.
69
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And that would be embarrassing.

70
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- That's disgusting.
- Yet endearing.
71
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Not really.
72
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Refill?
73
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:43,609
How are you feeling, Hank?
74
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Because I'm starting
to feel really fucking groovy.
75
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What did you do?
76
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Only what you made me...
77
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Tell me you love me.
78
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Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
79
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Hello again.
80
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I love you.
81
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I'm gonna let some light in.
82
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Hey, tell me...
83
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- What do you remember?
- Hmm?
84

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I remember everything...
Karen.
85
00:03:26,353 --> 00:03:28,454
No.
About that night.
86
00:03:28,456 --> 00:03:29,216
- Oh.
- You never...
87
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You didn't show up for dinner.
88
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I kept calling you.
You didn't pick up.
89
00:03:33,994 --> 00:03:36,929
I got worried,
so I drove up to Charlie's.
90
00:03:36,964 --> 00:03:38,664
And when I arrived, the door was open.
91
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And that's-that's where I found you.
92
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And her.
93
00:03:44,938 --> 00:03:47,974
- Carrie?
- Yeah.
94
00:03:48,008 --> 00:03:51,043
I didn't fuck her, Karen.
I swear.
95
00:03:51,078 --> 00:03:53,379
It so doesn't matter.
96
00:03:53,414 --> 00:03:57,784
It so does matter.
97

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She made me a drink.
98
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A really strong drink.
99
00:04:03,023 --> 00:04:04,824
Apparently.
100
00:04:04,858 --> 00:04:06,726
Am I gonna be okay?
101
00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:09,095
You've been in and out
for a couple of days now.
102
00:04:09,129 --> 00:04:12,064
But the doctors...
103
00:04:12,099 --> 00:04:14,333
they think you're gonna be fine.
104
00:04:14,368 --> 00:04:18,805
Well, too bad for you.
105
00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:23,109
What about her?
106
00:04:38,025 --> 00:04:39,826
Hank?
107
00:04:41,495 --> 00:04:43,629
You don't remember me, do you?
108
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We had dinner once.
109
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You're her friend.
110
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Melissa, right?
111
00:04:49,236 --> 00:04:50,369
Sarah.

112
00:04:50,404 --> 00:04:52,872
Sarah.
Apologies.
113
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- Sorry.
- No worries.
114
00:04:55,709 --> 00:04:58,377
We're all interchangeable,
right, us ladies?
115
00:04:58,412 --> 00:05:00,646
No, that's-that's not me.
116
00:05:00,681 --> 00:05:02,715
I-I don't think that way.
117
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Uh-huh.
118
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How is she?
119
00:05:06,987 --> 00:05:08,688
Well, uh...
120
00:05:08,722 --> 00:05:12,358
She's been on life support
since she got here.
121
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No signs of improvement.
122
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No signs of anything really.
123
00:05:17,331 --> 00:05:19,065
She's gone.
124
00:05:19,099 --> 00:05:21,734
We're just waiting for
the parents to pull the plug.
125
00:05:21,768 --> 00:05:23,469

See, unlike you,

126
00:05:23,504 --> 00:05:26,506
they're having a really
hard time letting her go.
127
00:05:26,540 --> 00:05:29,075
She loved you, Hank.
128
00:05:29,109 --> 00:05:31,344
Despite all the evidence
to the contrary,
129
00:05:31,378 --> 00:05:33,579
she thought you were the one.
130
00:05:33,614 --> 00:05:35,214
No matter how many times I told her
131
00:05:35,249 --> 00:05:37,049
to let you go or just walk away,
132
00:05:37,084 --> 00:05:38,684
she wouldn't do it.
133
00:05:38,719 --> 00:05:41,254
I just wish
you would have let her down
134
00:05:41,288 --> 00:05:43,256
a little easier.
135
00:05:43,290 --> 00:05:46,859
A little sooner.
136
00:05:48,295 --> 00:05:49,962
How dare you!
137
00:05:49,997 --> 00:05:51,564
Get the fuck out of here!
138
00:05:51,598 --> 00:05:53,833
Or do you want to wait
till the parents come here?
139
00:05:53,867 --> 00:05:58,070

Because they'll be here any minute.

140
00:05:58,105 --> 00:06:01,073
- Sweetie, are you okay?
- No, no, no.
141
00:06:01,108 --> 00:06:02,842
Just leave me alone.
142
00:06:16,590 --> 00:06:19,091
Slow down, buddy.
143
00:06:19,126 --> 00:06:20,993
- You're approaching blotto.
- Thank goodness.
144
00:06:21,028 --> 00:06:22,328
You know what that means.
145
00:06:22,362 --> 00:06:24,230
Next stop, blackout station.
146
00:06:24,264 --> 00:06:25,784
I could have gotten there a lot sooner,
147
00:06:25,799 --> 00:06:27,600
but who's the squishy little pussy fart
148
00:06:27,634 --> 00:06:29,268
who wouldn't go buy drugs with me?
149
00:06:29,303 --> 00:06:30,670
Just wanted to get you out of the house.
150
00:06:30,704 --> 00:06:32,371
Blow the stink off.
151
00:06:34,408 --> 00:06:36,175
I like my stink.
152
00:06:36,209 --> 00:06:38,844
It's like obsession for dirt bags.
153
00:06:38,879 --> 00:06:44,116
So I have an offer for you!

154
00:06:46,954 --> 00:06:49,755
Not even a smile?
You always laugh when I do that.
155
00:06:49,790 --> 00:06:52,291
I don't feel very much
like laughing these days.
156
00:06:52,326 --> 00:06:53,726
Or working, for that matter.
157
00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:55,394
The very thought
makes my asshole quiver.
158
00:06:55,429 --> 00:06:58,030
No, actually, more like a throb.
159
00:06:58,065 --> 00:06:59,765
Have you ever had
a throbbing asshole, Charlie?
160
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,368
- I have.
- I bet.
161
00:07:02,402 --> 00:07:04,770
You've been home a week, Hank.
162
00:07:04,805 --> 00:07:06,405
You're lucky to be alive.
163
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:07,773
You're just sitting around
pulverizing your liver.
164
00:07:07,808 --> 00:07:09,141
Yeah, that.
165
00:07:09,176 --> 00:07:12,078
And I'm contemplating a new novel!
166
00:07:12,112 --> 00:07:14,647
That's great!
Really?
167

00:07:14,681 --> 00:07:16,401

Yeah, it's about
a miserable piece of shit
168
00:07:16,416 --> 00:07:17,416
who drinks himself to death.
169
00:07:17,451 --> 00:07:18,751
I'm in the research phase.
170
00:07:18,785 --> 00:07:21,554
You got to get past this, man.
171
00:07:21,588 --> 00:07:23,089
You got to forgive yourself.
172
00:07:23,123 --> 00:07:24,490
I don't got to do nothing
173
00:07:24,524 --> 00:07:26,404
but stay black and die,
motherfucker.
174
00:07:26,426 --> 00:07:28,094
It wasn't your fault.
175
00:07:28,128 --> 00:07:29,962
She was fucking looney tunes!
176
00:07:29,997 --> 00:07:31,797
She tried to kill you, Hank.
177
00:07:34,868 --> 00:07:36,302
Ow!
178
00:07:36,336 --> 00:07:37,570
Fuck!
179
00:07:37,604 --> 00:07:38,904
What did you do that for?
180
00:07:38,939 --> 00:07:40,506
You can't talk about her like that.
181
00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:42,108
Some crazy bitch tries to kill you,

182
00:07:42,142 --> 00:07:43,442
you defend her honor.
183
00:07:43,477 --> 00:07:44,977
Your best friend tries to help you,
184
00:07:45,012 --> 00:07:46,579
you punch him in the face.
185
00:07:46,613 --> 00:07:48,047
You're a real fucking asshole,
you know that?
186
00:07:48,081 --> 00:07:49,582
That sounds about right.
187
00:07:57,491 --> 00:07:59,759
What do you see us becoming, eventually?
188
00:07:59,793 --> 00:08:01,994
Look, you're amazing, okay?
189
00:08:02,029 --> 00:08:03,596
Uh, I just, um...
190
00:08:03,630 --> 00:08:06,432
Come on, just out with it.
191
00:08:06,466 --> 00:08:08,401
- Just say it.
- Excuse me?
192
00:08:08,435 --> 00:08:09,835
You're excused, Nancy.
193
00:08:09,870 --> 00:08:11,570
But just-just rip the band-aid off.
194
00:08:11,605 --> 00:08:12,938
It's the only decent thing to do.
195
00:08:12,973 --> 00:08:14,907
Thanks. Thanks
for the advice, old-timer.

196
00:08:14,941 --> 00:08:16,308
Oh, hey, I may be old.
197
00:08:16,343 --> 00:08:17,810
But I'm not such a geezer
198
00:08:17,844 --> 00:08:20,012
that I can't dick-slap the shit
out of you.
199
00:08:20,047 --> 00:08:21,681
My father used to always say that to me.
200
00:08:21,715 --> 00:08:23,983
- Oh, good old dad.
- Yeah, he's right.
201
00:08:24,017 --> 00:08:25,284
If you're gonna break up
with me, just do it.
202
00:08:25,318 --> 00:08:26,919
You go, girl.
203
00:08:26,953 --> 00:08:28,454
That's not what I'm doing.
204
00:08:28,488 --> 00:08:30,089
No, what you're doing
is wasting my time.
205
00:08:30,123 --> 00:08:31,624
If you aren't serious about me,
about us,
206
00:08:31,658 --> 00:08:34,627
- then I need to know.
- Need to know!
207
00:08:34,661 --> 00:08:36,595
You know...
208
00:08:36,630 --> 00:08:40,166
If you would have just let me finish.
209

00:08:45,672 --> 00:08:47,940

You fucking asshole.
210
00:08:47,974 --> 00:08:50,242
You fucked up my proposal.
211
00:08:52,746 --> 00:08:53,879
Fair enough.
212
00:09:20,674 --> 00:09:21,874
Daddy?
213
00:09:21,908 --> 00:09:23,409
Fuck me!
214
00:09:23,443 --> 00:09:25,711
You smell funny.
215
00:09:30,484 --> 00:09:33,853
Hey, what's up slugger?
216
00:09:33,887 --> 00:09:35,488
Hmm.
217
00:09:35,522 --> 00:09:38,657
Guess what?
I'm the Tooth Fairy, yeah?
218
00:09:38,692 --> 00:09:42,561
What do you say we, uh,
settle this like men.
219
00:09:42,596 --> 00:09:44,130
All right?
220
00:09:44,164 --> 00:09:46,699
No screaming?
221
00:09:46,733 --> 00:09:47,767
Yeah?
222
00:09:51,905 --> 00:09:56,509
I think you'll find it's all there.
223
00:10:05,418 --> 00:10:07,153
You're lucky I have cool neighbors.

224
00:10:07,187 --> 00:10:09,054
I don't know how cool they are.
225
00:10:09,089 --> 00:10:12,358
They left their kid's
bedroom door wide fucking open.
226
00:10:12,392 --> 00:10:14,927
You're lucky you didn't try
anything with that kid.
227
00:10:14,961 --> 00:10:17,029
Why the fuck would I do that?
228
00:10:17,063 --> 00:10:18,430
I don't know.
229
00:10:18,465 --> 00:10:19,765
It's dark.
You're drunk.
230
00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:22,034
Holes is holes, Hank.
231
00:10:22,068 --> 00:10:24,236
You should be tested
for something, Charlie.
232
00:10:24,271 --> 00:10:25,671
- Arms.
- Not sure exactly what,
233
00:10:25,705 --> 00:10:27,606
but you're definitely on the spectrum.
234
00:10:27,641 --> 00:10:30,776
Reach for the sky.
It's beddy-bye.
235
00:10:33,713 --> 00:10:35,881
Oh, don't forget the pants.
236
00:10:35,916 --> 00:10:38,450
Cannot sleep in my pants
237

00:10:38,485 --> 00:10:40,252

Jesus!
238
00:10:40,287 --> 00:10:42,521
When is the last time
you washed these bad boys, Hank?
239
00:10:42,556 --> 00:10:44,290
Huh? Or yourself,
for that matter.
240
00:10:44,324 --> 00:10:47,059
I think the nurses gave me
a sponge bath in the hospital.
241
00:10:47,093 --> 00:10:48,727
But I could have dreamed that.
242
00:10:48,762 --> 00:10:51,030
You need to get your shit together, man.
243
00:10:51,064 --> 00:10:52,798
How do you propose I do that, Charlie?
244
00:10:52,833 --> 00:10:55,868
And once I've gathered up
all my pretty little turds,
245
00:10:55,902 --> 00:10:57,263
what do you suggest I do with them?
246
00:10:57,270 --> 00:10:58,771
You've got Karen to think about.
247
00:10:58,805 --> 00:11:00,906
- And Becca.
- They're better off without me.
248
00:11:00,941 --> 00:11:02,241
The both of 'em.
249
00:11:02,275 --> 00:11:03,409
All I ever do is fuck their shit up.
250
00:11:03,443 --> 00:11:05,611
All I want to do is sleep.

251
00:11:05,645 --> 00:11:08,280
Sleep till I can sleep no more.
252
00:11:08,315 --> 00:11:11,550
And then make myself sleepy
all over again.
253
00:11:14,287 --> 00:11:16,922
Can I at least get your number?
254
00:11:16,957 --> 00:11:19,491
You know, your digits.
Can I get your digits?
255
00:11:19,526 --> 00:11:21,327
You like the way I say that?
Digits, like the kids?
256
00:11:21,361 --> 00:11:23,162
You're not used to hearing no, are you?
257
00:11:23,196 --> 00:11:24,763
Yes, I am.
258
00:11:24,798 --> 00:11:25,931
It's just usually
I could give a shit less.
259
00:11:25,966 --> 00:11:27,433
Tonight I do, for some reason.
260
00:11:29,769 --> 00:11:31,303
- Hank.
- Yes.
261
00:11:31,338 --> 00:11:33,439
I have a boyfriend.
262
00:11:33,473 --> 00:11:34,673
Of course, you do.
263
00:11:34,708 --> 00:11:36,141
How could you not?
264
00:11:36,176 --> 00:11:38,077
But I think if we put our heads together

265
00:11:38,111 --> 00:11:39,745
we can overcome such obstacles.
266
00:11:39,779 --> 00:11:42,014
I have faith in us.
267
00:11:42,048 --> 00:11:43,649
I got to bounce.
268
00:11:43,683 --> 00:11:46,085
It was nice to meet you.
269
00:11:46,119 --> 00:11:48,487
It was nice to meet you too.
270
00:11:48,521 --> 00:11:50,289
Good night.
271
00:11:50,323 --> 00:11:51,357
Good morning...
272
00:11:51,391 --> 00:11:53,559
Karen.
273
00:12:05,872 --> 00:12:10,542
- Karen...Karen.
- Leave the poor girl alone.
274
00:12:12,846 --> 00:12:15,347
What if she's the one?
275
00:12:15,382 --> 00:12:16,849
Oh, go on.
276
00:12:16,883 --> 00:12:18,550
You're just gonna end up hurting her.
277
00:12:18,585 --> 00:12:20,719
And who knows?
278
00:12:20,754 --> 00:12:22,488
She might even, you know...
279
00:12:22,522 --> 00:12:23,822

Ccchhh!
280
00:12:33,833 --> 00:12:36,468
3.5 baths, Hank.
281
00:12:36,503 --> 00:12:37,836
3.5.
282
00:12:37,871 --> 00:12:41,540
Seemed too far to go.
283
00:12:41,574 --> 00:12:43,375
- You're up early.
- Never went to bed.
284
00:12:43,410 --> 00:12:45,010
Of course not.
285
00:12:45,045 --> 00:12:48,213
I can't get drunk enough
anymore, Charlie.
286
00:12:48,248 --> 00:12:49,548
Speaking of which,
287
00:12:49,582 --> 00:12:50,903
we're out of alcoholic beverages.
288
00:12:50,917 --> 00:12:52,484
Come on.
Get in the car.
289
00:12:52,519 --> 00:12:54,086
- We'll get you some.
- Fuck you.
290
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,055
You're my agent.
You go get me some.
291
00:12:56,089 --> 00:12:58,691
Get in the car!
292
00:12:58,725 --> 00:13:00,559
We're taking a field trip.
293

00:13:10,870 --> 00:13:12,938

Gaaaah!
294
00:13:12,973 --> 00:13:15,341
Dee-licious!
295
00:13:24,584 --> 00:13:26,118
Hey.
296
00:13:32,359 --> 00:13:34,727
That's a weird-looking
liquor store.
297
00:13:37,430 --> 00:13:40,399
Welcome aboard <i>Air Force69,</i> gentlemen.
298
00:13:40,433 --> 00:13:41,533
Well, thank you.
299
00:13:41,568 --> 00:13:43,402
Hank Moody!
300
00:13:43,436 --> 00:13:45,204
Oh, I must be really fucking drunk.
301
00:13:45,238 --> 00:13:46,505
Is that Atticus Fetch?
302
00:13:46,539 --> 00:13:50,509
Baudelaire, Bukowski, and Oscar Wilde
303
00:13:50,543 --> 00:13:53,746
all wrapped up into one
talented motherfucking writer.
304
00:13:53,780 --> 00:13:54,947
Respect.
305
00:13:54,981 --> 00:13:56,548
Remember that for my tombstone.
306
00:13:56,583 --> 00:13:58,350
You ready to take this journey with me?
307
00:13:58,385 --> 00:14:00,419
That depends.

Is this a domestic flight?

308
00:14:00,453 --> 00:14:02,888
I'm not sure I have
a valid passport. Do I?
309
00:14:02,922 --> 00:14:04,590
What's wrong with him?
310
00:14:04,624 --> 00:14:06,792
Uh, he's just
a little bit drunk right now.
311
00:14:06,826 --> 00:14:08,260
Which begs the question:
312
00:14:08,294 --> 00:14:13,065
Why am I not
a little bit drunk right now?
313
00:14:13,099 --> 00:14:14,233
Do you know what that is?
314
00:14:14,267 --> 00:14:15,467
Is that <i>Black Hawk Down?</i>
315
00:14:15,502 --> 00:14:16,869
That's the Sudan.
316
00:14:16,903 --> 00:14:18,604
It's my own private satellite feed.
317
00:14:18,638 --> 00:14:20,973
If I witness a crime against humanity,
318
00:14:21,007 --> 00:14:23,909
I just pick up the phone
and report it.
319
00:14:23,943 --> 00:14:25,044
Or I can write a song about it.
320
00:14:25,078 --> 00:14:27,146
All this means precious little
321
00:14:27,180 --> 00:14:30,883

when you've watched a government

bomb its own civilians.
322
00:14:30,917 --> 00:14:32,651
Do you know why you're here, Hank?
323
00:14:32,685 --> 00:14:35,754
Oh, I don't even know why
I'm alive right now.
324
00:14:35,789 --> 00:14:37,589
<i>Crazy Little Thing Called Love</i>
325
00:14:37,624 --> 00:14:39,558
is my wife's favorite movie.
326
00:14:39,592 --> 00:14:42,327
Yeah, well, I'm sorry to hear that.
327
00:14:48,802 --> 00:14:50,282
Apologies, darling, but I don't think
328
00:14:50,303 --> 00:14:51,837
I'm gonna be able to come right now.
329
00:14:51,871 --> 00:14:53,338
It's nothing to do with you.
330
00:14:53,373 --> 00:14:55,607
I'm just really excited
about meeting this man.
331
00:14:55,642 --> 00:14:57,242
Oh, thank you, Atticus.
332
00:14:57,277 --> 00:14:59,411
It was an honor and a privilege
to hold your penis
333
00:14:59,446 --> 00:15:00,479
for as long as I did.
334
00:15:00,513 --> 00:15:03,315
You're welcome, pumpkin.
335
00:15:04,684 --> 00:15:06,585

Ooh!
336
00:15:06,619 --> 00:15:08,787
Personally, I hate the fucking thing.
337
00:15:11,624 --> 00:15:15,360
I think it's a huge piece of
mainstream Hollywood bullshit.
338
00:15:15,395 --> 00:15:17,529
My old lady
339
00:15:17,564 --> 00:15:18,864
she loves it
340
00:15:18,898 --> 00:15:20,999
she fucking loves it
341
00:15:21,034 --> 00:15:22,801
Well, what does she feel about handjobs?
342
00:15:22,836 --> 00:15:25,204
Handjobs are different
343
00:15:25,238 --> 00:15:26,472
I don't think they are.
344
00:15:26,506 --> 00:15:28,340
Handjobs don't count
345
00:15:28,374 --> 00:15:31,143
I think they do.
346
00:15:31,177 --> 00:15:34,313
I beg to differ
347
00:15:34,347 --> 00:15:39,451
I can see it
from both sides
348
00:15:39,486 --> 00:15:42,988
oh, yeah
349
00:15:43,022 --> 00:15:45,290
So I said, "If I'm gonna do this thing,

350
00:15:45,325 --> 00:15:47,826
get me the guy who wrote
the fucking book."
351
00:15:47,861 --> 00:15:49,528
And here I am.
Do what?
352
00:15:49,562 --> 00:15:51,163
<i>God Hates Us All.</i>
353
00:15:51,197 --> 00:15:53,165
I fucking loved it, man.
354
00:15:53,199 --> 00:15:55,134
That was when
it all came together for me.
355
00:15:55,168 --> 00:15:57,769
It was like God came down from heaven
356
00:15:57,804 --> 00:16:02,207
and laid his massive,
veiny ball sack on my face.
357
00:16:02,242 --> 00:16:03,775
And when he took it away,
358
00:16:03,810 --> 00:16:07,179
it left a stain in the form of an idea.
359
00:16:07,213 --> 00:16:09,114
Make it a rock opera!
360
00:16:09,149 --> 00:16:12,684
Like <i>Tommy</i> or <i>Hair</i>
or <i>Jesus Christ Superstar.</i>
361
00:16:12,719 --> 00:16:14,286
I mean, if fucking Bono
362
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:16,655
can do <i>Spider-Man</i>
the fucking musical,
363
00:16:16,689 --> 00:16:18,123

I think I can do this.

364
00:16:18,158 --> 00:16:20,058
Well, do what?
365
00:16:20,093 --> 00:16:22,494
<i>Crazy Little Thing Called Love.</i>
366
00:16:22,529 --> 00:16:24,830
Hank, they're turning it
into a Broadway musical.
367
00:16:24,864 --> 00:16:27,866
- Oh, that's a terrible idea.
- That's what I said!
368
00:16:27,901 --> 00:16:30,002
But you and me together,
369
00:16:30,036 --> 00:16:32,037
I reckon we could
do something cool with it.
370
00:16:32,071 --> 00:16:33,172
You write the script,
371
00:16:33,206 --> 00:16:34,840
I write the music and lyrics.
372
00:16:34,874 --> 00:16:37,376
Let's make a fucking masterpiece, man!
373
00:16:37,410 --> 00:16:39,645
About--about love.
374
00:16:39,679 --> 00:16:41,647
Because love is all you need.
375
00:16:41,681 --> 00:16:43,849
All the world's problems
376
00:16:43,883 --> 00:16:47,753
eventually come
face-to-face with love.
377
00:16:47,787 --> 00:16:51,723

And who do you reckon wins?

378
00:16:51,758 --> 00:16:53,325
Love!
379
00:16:53,359 --> 00:16:54,526
It's fucking over, man!
380
00:16:54,561 --> 00:16:56,361
Love conquers all!
What do you say?
381
00:16:56,396 --> 00:16:57,729
I don't think so.
382
00:16:57,764 --> 00:17:00,399
- Think about it.
- Thought about it.
383
00:17:00,433 --> 00:17:02,834
But you're an admirer
of my work, as I am of yours.
384
00:17:02,869 --> 00:17:04,570
Not particularly, no.
385
00:17:04,604 --> 00:17:06,338
Really.
386
00:17:06,372 --> 00:17:08,507
They told me that you're a huge fan.
387
00:17:08,541 --> 00:17:10,175
Oh, <i>they</i> misspoke.
388
00:17:10,210 --> 00:17:12,945
And, uh...
389
00:17:12,979 --> 00:17:15,581
Why are you not a fan?
390
00:17:15,615 --> 00:17:18,083
Uh, you're smug, you're pompous.
391
00:17:18,117 --> 00:17:20,419
There's no cock in your rock anymore.

392
00:17:20,453 --> 00:17:22,387
You're a fucking dinosaur, man.
393
00:17:22,422 --> 00:17:24,423
Jesus!
Fuck you!
394
00:17:24,457 --> 00:17:25,457
Fuck you.
You asked.
395
00:17:25,491 --> 00:17:26,758
Fuck you!
396
00:17:26,793 --> 00:17:27,826
Ooh!
397
00:17:30,129 --> 00:17:32,965
Aah!
398
00:17:32,999 --> 00:17:34,466
Ooh.
399
00:17:48,848 --> 00:17:50,449
Becca!
400
00:17:52,318 --> 00:17:54,753
A bar is no place for a young lady.
401
00:17:54,787 --> 00:17:57,122
I agree.
402
00:17:57,156 --> 00:18:00,492
But here I am.
Happy day.
403
00:18:00,526 --> 00:18:01,893
Pull up a seat.
404
00:18:01,928 --> 00:18:03,462
I'll get you a sarsaparilla.
405
00:18:03,496 --> 00:18:05,664
Barkeep, sarsaparilla.

406
00:18:07,133 --> 00:18:08,967
Look, dad...
407
00:18:09,002 --> 00:18:10,969
I know you're going through
a very tough time right now.
408
00:18:11,004 --> 00:18:12,638
But you've got us all worried.
409
00:18:12,672 --> 00:18:14,273
Why doesn't anybody understand
410
00:18:14,307 --> 00:18:15,641
that I don't want
to talk about this shit.
411
00:18:15,675 --> 00:18:18,744
Okay, let's talk about me, then.
412
00:18:18,778 --> 00:18:21,280
I've got some good news,
413
00:18:21,314 --> 00:18:22,781
and some...great news.
414
00:18:22,815 --> 00:18:25,684
Tyler stepped in front of a bus
415
00:18:25,718 --> 00:18:28,487
and his corpse was brutally
raped by hipster zombies?
416
00:18:28,521 --> 00:18:30,455
Tyler and I broke up.
417
00:18:30,490 --> 00:18:31,523
Yes!
418
00:18:31,557 --> 00:18:33,492
Oh, mm. Really?
419
00:18:33,526 --> 00:18:34,860
When was that?
420

00:18:34,894 --> 00:18:35,927

Where the fuck was I?
421
00:18:35,962 --> 00:18:37,162
In the hospital.
422
00:18:37,196 --> 00:18:39,164
Then you went home and got drunk.
423
00:18:39,198 --> 00:18:41,199
Oh, yeah.
424
00:18:41,234 --> 00:18:42,801
For a month.
425
00:18:42,835 --> 00:18:46,271
Okay, yeah, I remember now.
426
00:18:46,306 --> 00:18:47,973
How, uh-how are you with that?
427
00:18:48,007 --> 00:18:49,675
I'm fine.
428
00:18:49,709 --> 00:18:51,109
I thought it was love.
429
00:18:51,144 --> 00:18:52,444
Turns out it was lust.
430
00:18:52,478 --> 00:18:54,813
Ohh...
431
00:18:54,847 --> 00:18:57,316
I have a feeling that will
happen over and over again,
432
00:18:57,350 --> 00:18:58,784
until something sticks.
433
00:18:58,818 --> 00:19:00,986
Sweetheart, you are...
434
00:19:01,020 --> 00:19:03,855
wise and beautiful beyond your years...

435
00:19:03,890 --> 00:19:05,991
and deserving of a far better father
436
00:19:06,025 --> 00:19:08,493
than the barstool prophet
that sits beside you.
437
00:19:08,528 --> 00:19:09,995
I know.
438
00:19:10,029 --> 00:19:12,898
Point is, I grieved and I moved on.
439
00:19:12,932 --> 00:19:15,300
- Take a lesson.
- Oh.
440
00:19:15,335 --> 00:19:17,803
Thanks, coach.
441
00:19:17,837 --> 00:19:19,905
So, what's your news?
442
00:19:19,939 --> 00:19:22,741
Well, I'm about
to save you a shitload of money.
443
00:19:22,775 --> 00:19:23,875
Hmm?
444
00:19:23,910 --> 00:19:25,644
I'm dropping out of school.
445
00:19:25,678 --> 00:19:27,746
Oh, no, you're not.
446
00:19:27,780 --> 00:19:30,315
And here comes the great news.
447
00:19:30,350 --> 00:19:31,850
I want to be a writer.
448
00:19:31,884 --> 00:19:33,085
Why?

449
00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:34,686
Being a writer sucks.
450
00:19:34,721 --> 00:19:36,322
Everything I've been through in my life
451
00:19:36,356 --> 00:19:38,023
has led me to this.
452
00:19:38,057 --> 00:19:40,692
For better or worse,
I'm my father's daughter.
453
00:19:40,727 --> 00:19:43,428
I want to start living out loud.
454
00:19:43,463 --> 00:19:46,231
Laughing, loving, drinking, fucking.
455
00:19:46,265 --> 00:19:47,532
And I want to start writing about it.
456
00:19:47,567 --> 00:19:48,567
Uh...
457
00:19:48,601 --> 00:19:49,835
All of it.
458
00:19:49,869 --> 00:19:52,037
No, no.
Who are you right now?
459
00:19:52,071 --> 00:19:54,206
I really thought you'd be more supportive.
460
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:55,340
You dropped out of college.
461
00:19:55,375 --> 00:19:56,875
Yeah, like, six times.
462
00:19:56,909 --> 00:19:59,010
And look at me.
I'm a fucking disaster-piece.
463

00:19:59,045 --> 00:20:01,046

I don't care what you say.
I'm still doing it.
464
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,682
- Yeah, no, you're not, Becca.
- Why?
465
00:20:03,716 --> 00:20:05,250
Because I'm
your fucking father, that's why.
466
00:20:05,284 --> 00:20:06,852
You're funny.
Some father.
467
00:20:06,886 --> 00:20:09,654
Jesus Christ, Becca.
Have some fucking respect.
468
00:20:09,689 --> 00:20:11,056
Hey, everything okay over here?
469
00:20:11,090 --> 00:20:13,225
Fuck off, barkeep. Go.
470
00:20:13,259 --> 00:20:14,593
Hank, I'm warning you.
471
00:20:14,627 --> 00:20:16,895
- You all right, sweetie?
- Mind your own-472
00:20:16,929 --> 00:20:18,063
You want me
to call somebody or something?
473
00:20:18,097 --> 00:20:19,164
I warned you, Hank.
474
00:20:19,198 --> 00:20:20,365
Uhh!
475
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,033
Sorry, honey.
476
00:20:22,068 --> 00:20:23,869

He'll live to waste another day.

477
00:20:23,903 --> 00:20:25,904
There goes your tip.
478
00:20:25,938 --> 00:20:29,841
Well, I, for one,
really loved your book, Ophelia.
479
00:20:29,876 --> 00:20:32,611
Your shit really speaks to me.
480
00:20:32,645 --> 00:20:34,546
You know, all my life,
I've defined myself
481
00:20:34,580 --> 00:20:36,882
by whatever idiot man-child
482
00:20:36,916 --> 00:20:39,584
I was spreading my legs for at the time.
483
00:20:39,619 --> 00:20:43,021
And no more, I tell you, no more.
484
00:20:43,055 --> 00:20:44,589
Good for you, Marcy.
485
00:20:44,624 --> 00:20:45,957
You're exactly right.
486
00:20:45,992 --> 00:20:48,860
You don't need a man to be happy.
487
00:20:48,895 --> 00:20:51,029
- I'm living proof.
- See?
488
00:20:51,063 --> 00:20:52,964
That's what this skinny bitch
489
00:20:52,999 --> 00:20:54,399
has to get through her thick skull.
490
00:20:54,434 --> 00:20:56,067
That's really sweet of you, honey.

491
00:20:56,102 --> 00:20:58,904
But I don't think that men
are entirely to blame.
492
00:20:58,938 --> 00:21:00,305
Oh, they are, Karen.
493
00:21:00,339 --> 00:21:03,108
My entire thesis is built on this idea.
494
00:21:03,142 --> 00:21:05,377
Men are wild animals.
495
00:21:05,411 --> 00:21:07,446
And they must be regarded as such.
496
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:08,947
Mm.
497
00:21:08,981 --> 00:21:11,283
I think that's a tad hysterical.
498
00:21:11,317 --> 00:21:12,818
Karen! Karen!
499
00:21:12,852 --> 00:21:15,253
I need you to dress this wound.
500
00:21:15,288 --> 00:21:16,721
What happened to him?
What happened?
501
00:21:16,756 --> 00:21:18,256
I'd like a drink.
Now would be good.
502
00:21:18,291 --> 00:21:20,592
No time like the present,
you know.
503
00:21:20,626 --> 00:21:22,828
- Oh.
- Oh, for God's sake.
504
00:21:22,862 --> 00:21:24,996

- I'm sorry.
- What is this stuff?
505
00:21:25,031 --> 00:21:26,932
The fucking <i>Vagina Dialogues?</i>
506
00:21:26,966 --> 00:21:28,333
Oh!
507
00:21:40,112 --> 00:21:41,947
Oh, shit.
508
00:21:41,981 --> 00:21:43,949
This better not be an intervention.
509
00:21:43,983 --> 00:21:45,917
Yes, Hank, it is.
510
00:21:45,952 --> 00:21:47,819
But it's also an act of love.
511
00:21:47,854 --> 00:21:49,821
But this is not about abstaining.
512
00:21:49,856 --> 00:21:51,256
Exactly.
513
00:21:51,290 --> 00:21:52,491
This is about you finding your way back
514
00:21:52,525 --> 00:21:54,292
to being the functional alcoholic
515
00:21:54,327 --> 00:21:55,293
that we all know and love.
516
00:21:55,328 --> 00:21:56,995
We miss that guy, Hanky.
517
00:21:57,029 --> 00:21:58,129
It's true, dad.
518
00:21:58,164 --> 00:21:59,931
You used to be such a good drunk.
519

00:21:59,966 --> 00:22:01,500

Now you're just disgusting.
520
00:22:01,534 --> 00:22:03,301
And bloated.
521
00:22:03,336 --> 00:22:05,470
And smelly.
522
00:22:05,505 --> 00:22:07,305
Well, thanks for that, daughter.
523
00:22:07,340 --> 00:22:08,607
It has to end.
524
00:22:08,641 --> 00:22:11,009
Think of it as a vacation, Hank.
525
00:22:11,043 --> 00:22:12,344
Hey, hey, get this.
526
00:22:12,378 --> 00:22:14,112
The place is called Happy Endings.
527
00:22:14,146 --> 00:22:15,814
You know, I think I could
use a stay there myself.
528
00:22:15,848 --> 00:22:17,315
The Internet porn thing
is really starting
529
00:22:17,350 --> 00:22:18,483
to suck me back in.
530
00:22:18,518 --> 00:22:20,919
Have you seen this tubegalore?
531
00:22:20,953 --> 00:22:22,521
Have you experienced this?
532
00:22:22,555 --> 00:22:24,489
It is a vortex, Hank.
533
00:22:24,524 --> 00:22:27,092
A swirling, black cauldron of sexuality.

534
00:22:27,126 --> 00:22:29,160
I sat down at the computer,
the other morning,
535
00:22:29,195 --> 00:22:31,630
I typed in "amateur bbw."
536
00:22:31,664 --> 00:22:33,164
And the next thing you know,
it's dinnertime.
537
00:22:33,199 --> 00:22:34,533
- Oh.
- What?
538
00:22:34,567 --> 00:22:37,335
- Ew!
- What? I'm being truthful!
539
00:22:37,370 --> 00:22:39,905
I can't believe
I ever shared a bed with you.
540
00:22:39,939 --> 00:22:43,174
Then I can't believe you're
going on your second ex-husband.
541
00:22:43,209 --> 00:22:46,244
Oh, and I really can't believe
you're back to renting.
542
00:22:46,279 --> 00:22:48,013
That's mean, Charlie.
543
00:22:48,047 --> 00:22:49,581
Do you want to see me cry?
Because this is me crying.
544
00:22:49,615 --> 00:22:51,449
Good God, woman!
545
00:22:51,484 --> 00:22:53,518
This is not about the petty
problems of L.A.'s working rich!
546
00:22:53,553 --> 00:22:56,688

This is about Hank and

his debilitating self-hatred!
547
00:22:56,722 --> 00:22:58,957
Exactly. And if Hank hadn't
been such a dick-in-the-mud,
548
00:22:58,991 --> 00:23:00,959
then he and Karen
would still be together,
549
00:23:00,993 --> 00:23:03,261
which means that Karen
and I wouldn't be a couple
550
00:23:03,296 --> 00:23:06,831
of pathetic 40-something
roommates right now!
551
00:23:06,866 --> 00:23:09,501
I thought you loved being my roommate.
552
00:23:09,535 --> 00:23:10,969
I do, baby.
553
00:23:11,003 --> 00:23:12,938
But I like my big,
shiny house in the hills
554
00:23:12,972 --> 00:23:14,539
just a wee bit better.
555
00:23:14,574 --> 00:23:16,808
But no, Stu had to go
and get his cock worshipped
556
00:23:16,842 --> 00:23:18,610
by that stupid little
557
00:23:18,644 --> 00:23:21,780
no-talent Mary Poppins
fucking cum-dumpster!
558
00:23:21,814 --> 00:23:24,783
Sorry, Becca, man.
559
00:23:24,817 --> 00:23:25,984

Whatever.
560
00:23:26,018 --> 00:23:27,552
Can we get back to dad?
561
00:23:27,587 --> 00:23:30,021
Oh! Maybe I should just
forgive and forget, right?
562
00:23:30,056 --> 00:23:31,122
I mean, it was just a blowjob.
563
00:23:31,157 --> 00:23:32,891
Blowjobs are like fist bumps.
564
00:23:32,925 --> 00:23:34,392
You know, I can forgive him
and move back
565
00:23:34,427 --> 00:23:35,994
into that big, beautiful house
in the Hills,
566
00:23:36,028 --> 00:23:37,696
and Stu and I could go to therapy.
567
00:23:37,730 --> 00:23:38,970
I mean, that's what couples do.
568
00:23:38,998 --> 00:23:40,165
They work their shit out
together, right?
569
00:23:40,199 --> 00:23:41,967
- No. No.
- What do you think?
570
00:23:42,001 --> 00:23:44,569
Thanks for the support, you
mean-spirited fucking gazelle!
571
00:23:44,604 --> 00:23:47,038
Why are you being
such a bitch right now?
572
00:23:47,073 --> 00:23:49,007
I don't know!

I'm sorry!
573
00:23:49,041 --> 00:23:51,977
Worst intervention ever.
574
00:23:52,011 --> 00:23:55,714
Okay, long story short, Hank, okay.
575
00:23:55,748 --> 00:23:57,382
You got to get your ass to rehab.
576
00:23:57,416 --> 00:24:00,051
If I could do it, you could do it.
577
00:24:00,086 --> 00:24:02,053
And I had the fucking yayo
to contend with.
578
00:24:02,088 --> 00:24:04,255
You just got the bottle.
Pussy!
579
00:24:04,290 --> 00:24:06,925
Fuck you, Cunty Smurf.
580
00:24:06,959 --> 00:24:08,660
And while I'm at it,
581
00:24:08,694 --> 00:24:10,395
fuck all y'all
narcissistic motherfuckers.
582
00:24:10,429 --> 00:24:12,097
Except you, Becca.
I love you a long time.
583
00:24:12,131 --> 00:24:13,765
But this dropping
out of school business,
584
00:24:13,799 --> 00:24:15,066
- that's bullshit.
- What?
585
00:24:15,101 --> 00:24:16,534
What are you talking about?

586
00:24:19,071 --> 00:24:20,505
I didn't want to do this, Hank,
587
00:24:20,539 --> 00:24:22,407
but you give me no choice.
588
00:24:25,778 --> 00:24:27,545
I took a bullet for you, man.
589
00:24:27,580 --> 00:24:30,081
The least you can do
is try to heal yourself.
590
00:24:30,116 --> 00:24:32,250
For me, okay?
591
00:24:36,489 --> 00:24:39,057
Dad, these people
are borderline retarded,
592
00:24:39,091 --> 00:24:41,259
but they love you.
I love you.
593
00:24:41,293 --> 00:24:44,362
Get your head out of your ass
and stop drinking.
594
00:24:44,397 --> 00:24:48,299
'Cause sooner or later,
you're just gonna kill yourself.
595
00:24:48,334 --> 00:24:50,402
Just because I'm older now
596
00:24:50,436 --> 00:24:54,606
doesn't mean I don't need a father.
597
00:25:11,090 --> 00:25:12,791
Hey.
598
00:25:12,825 --> 00:25:16,928
You know, you didn't even
let me say my piece.
599
00:25:16,962 --> 00:25:19,264

How supremely shitty of me.

600
00:25:19,298 --> 00:25:21,066
What do you got?
Lay it on me, woman.
601
00:25:21,100 --> 00:25:23,268
We were in such
a great place that night.
602
00:25:23,302 --> 00:25:26,304
And if we stand any chance
of getting back there,
603
00:25:26,338 --> 00:25:30,308
you have to pull your shit together.
604
00:25:30,342 --> 00:25:31,743
And that's it.
605
00:25:31,777 --> 00:25:34,312
That's all I got.
606
00:25:34,346 --> 00:25:36,948
The rest is up to you.
607
00:25:36,982 --> 00:25:38,116
Can I tell you something?
608
00:25:38,150 --> 00:25:40,251
Yes, always.
609
00:25:40,286 --> 00:25:42,520
Even if it has the potential
to make you sad?
610
00:25:42,555 --> 00:25:46,491
Even better.
611
00:25:46,525 --> 00:25:49,127
That night, I was so looking forward
612
00:25:49,161 --> 00:25:50,161
to having dinner with you.
613
00:25:50,196 --> 00:25:53,098

For the first time in forever,

614
00:25:53,132 --> 00:25:55,867
you and me, we just seemed so possible.
615
00:25:55,901 --> 00:26:00,305
Everything I always wanted
just right around the corner.
616
00:26:00,339 --> 00:26:02,307
And then it all just went away.
617
00:26:02,341 --> 00:26:04,442
I was the last person to hurt her.
618
00:26:04,477 --> 00:26:06,277
To break her heart.
619
00:26:06,312 --> 00:26:08,680
And I can't put into words
how bad that makes me feel.
620
00:26:08,714 --> 00:26:10,782
And now it hurts to be awake,
621
00:26:10,816 --> 00:26:13,551
and I don't know if I can get
back to that feeling...
622
00:26:13,586 --> 00:26:15,854
with you.
623
00:26:15,888 --> 00:26:20,759
And what scares me is, um,
I'm not sure that I ever will.
624
00:26:22,895 --> 00:26:24,863
You will get back there.
625
00:26:24,897 --> 00:26:27,098
If you want to.
626
00:26:30,536 --> 00:26:32,036
And in the meantime,
627
00:26:32,071 --> 00:26:36,841

maybe I'll just dream

for both of us, I guess.
628
00:26:44,350 --> 00:26:46,417
Good night, Karen.
629
00:27:11,577 --> 00:27:13,444
Hey, Bukowski!
630
00:27:13,479 --> 00:27:16,281
It's freezing out there.
Come up.
631
00:27:16,315 --> 00:27:18,082
I'll make you some coffee.
632
00:27:18,117 --> 00:27:21,719
Hey, I feel I should tell you
633
00:27:21,754 --> 00:27:23,221
that...
634
00:27:23,255 --> 00:27:24,589
I'm not gonna sleep with you.
635
00:27:28,260 --> 00:27:32,297
Instant karma's
gonna get you...
636
00:27:32,331 --> 00:27:35,099
Hank, it's time for group.
637
00:27:35,134 --> 00:27:38,069
- Ten minutes, okay?
- Yeah, all right.
638
00:27:38,103 --> 00:27:40,738
Welcome to Happy Endings.
639
00:27:40,773 --> 00:27:44,375
Pretty soon you're gonna be dead
640
00:27:44,410 --> 00:27:48,947
What in the world
you thinking of?
641

00:27:48,981 --> 00:27:52,817

laughing in the face of love
642
00:27:52,852 --> 00:27:56,287
What on earth you tryin' to do?
643
00:27:56,322 --> 00:28:00,091
it's up to you, yeah, you
644
00:28:00,125 --> 00:28:04,062
but we all shine on
645
00:28:04,096 --> 00:28:08,266
like the moon and the stars
and the sun
646
00:28:08,300 --> 00:28:12,604
but we all shine on
647
00:28:12,637 --> 00:28:16,117
everyone, come on
648
00:28:16,434 --> 00:28:27,091
<font color="#ec14bd">Sync & corrections by honeybunny</font>
<font color="#ec14bd">www.addic7ed.com</font>
649
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:31,096
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