Example Wedding Speech

example speech 1 Speech Rating:
based on 449 reviews
I'm only going to speak for a couple of minutes because of my throat; if I go on too long Maggie has threatened to cut it. I've tried to memorise this speech, but forgive me if I resort to my notes every five seconds. I did ask for an autocue to be set up in front of me, but apparently the wedding budget doesn't stretch that far ... and neither does my eyesight. This takes me back to the last occasion that I was called upon to say a few words at a wedding. It was twenty five years ago this December and it was my wedding to Nicks Mum Maggie. I recall being totally lost for any thing of any consequence to say. A feeling of total inadequacy descended upon me. It was a new experience to me. I was young and really knew nothing about being inadequate You see a Marrage Certificate on its own is not a qualification. It doesnt mean that you have achieved anything, It has no value of its own. It comes with no Guarantees of quality, it makes no mention of the length of the marrage that it refers to. In fact many happy compatible couples have no use for marriage at all. Now I can say this because Marrage has worked for me,but I accept that it has not served everyone as well. My Wife and I have been together for twenty five years. Nowdays, that is a qualification! I believe marriage will teach Nick loyalty, self-restraint, control, it will develop in him a sense of fair play ------ and many other qualities he wouldn't need if he had stayed single Some time ago Nick asked me what it would cost to get married. I had to admit--I just dont know---Im still paying I asked Nick, what he was looking for in marriage, he said love, happiness and eventually a family. I asked Nicky the same question, she repliedA TOASTER! I got married in 1974 The year of the three day week Disposable plastic razors invented by Gillette and Free family planning available on the NHS. I was working eight nights a week, I had an electric shaver and Maggie was expecting Lee. So all of those significant events some how passed me by. I was also unaware that in that year my future daughter in law was to be born. In 77 The US space shuttle prototype 'Enterprise' flys for the first time. Red Rum wins Grand National for 3rd time. Elvis Presley collapsed in a bathroom for the last time. Which is quite a coincidence really, because Nick was born that very year and like Elvis Presley, Ladies and gentlemen, he is prone to collapsing in bathrooms! Its hard to imagine how Nick feels today, how does the first day of the rest of your life manifest itself for a man who's experience of reality is that unpleasant pause while the playstation loads the next game?
So I have defined what you do not nessessarily get from a marrage certificate. Perhaps I had better now say what I think a marrage certificate is. A marrage certificate is very much like a blank lottery ticket. It carries the anticipation of a rosy future. Everything always perfect from now on. At the time of aquiring it, there is nothing to distiguish an out and out no hoper from the jackpot. Like a lottery , a marriage requires some input from you. Like a lottery it rather depends on the selections or decicions that you make. Unlike a lottery having made the initial decicions, one shouldnt just sit back and wait to see if your prize has come up. Marriage is a participation game and requires constant tweeking and fine tuning. Today, you may consider your wedding day to be the best day of your life. ONLY TODAY THOUGH. The best day of you r life TO DATE. My wedding day 25 years ago has not been the best day of my life. Our marrage has given us much better days than that. We have raised a family who are now well adjusted adults (most of the time) and are counted among our closest friends, which is nice. We have had our ups and downs.But our relationship is now bonded by a lifetimes memories and mutual experience. We are human ,and therefore capable of doing dumb things from time to time. What is important is that at those times one learns from experiences and emerges from them a better and more complete person. There can be no substitute for experience and learning from ones own doings. Nick: The key to a long and happy marriage it to remember those two little words; Yes dear! In a succsessful marraige one sometimes has to indulge ones partner with an abundence of tollerence. This is one of the numbers to include on your lottery ticket. Nicky--One of your mother in laws favorite sayings (Which I do not entirely understand why) is this---- and I quote If you love something, set it free, If it comes back, it was, and always will be, yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with . If all it does is just sit in your house, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses the telephone, takes your money, and monopolises your television, you either married it, or gave birth to it. Now what could she have meant by that ? Because you are not super human, you will have good days together and not so good. This time next year you can look back and recall this commitment today and consider your celebration. If your numbers have come up! Twelve months will have bonded this marraige with happy memories, yours exclusivly, as will subsequent years. I would like to welcome Mrs Nicky Exxxxxxxx My new Daughter in law, to my family. Nick she's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Thank God you married her before she found one
Id like to wish you a very happy marriage, and I hope you have a great honeymoon, which you will find is that period between I do and Youd better. I started planning this speech a month ago, and you must feel like I have been delivering it equally as long, So that is all from me Except to mention one quality that a successful lottery ticket and a successful marrage certificate require alike. It is a quality that Maggie and I seem to have enjoyed with our marrage certificate, although I have to say not ever with a lottery ticket. It is the one aspect we have no control over, so it is no call to be smug. I would like to ask those here present today to join me in a toast to wish Mr and Mrs Nick Exxxxxxxx all the luck in the world.
My wedding speech has been researched in great detail - and will probably start off badly, sag with long silences in the middle, then trail off into the half remembered ramblings of a sentimental old git! Still, here goes! Well, that was it! The great day is half over!. Two down - one to go! - Daughters, that is! You seem to get shot of one and there always seems to be another to take her place. My fault, though!. Education in my day didn't cover the birds and bees, and we had three children before I realised what was causing them! Still, we can't have been bad parents, as they keep coming back to invade our life and to re-inhabit the bathroom! Seriously though, I'm proud to have such a beautiful daughter as Samantha - the blushing bride, and I must congratulate Scott on his perception, as he must be the luckiest bloke in the whole of Wales even if he is an Englishman! Before I ask you all to join me in a toast to the bride and groom, I would like to bore you with a few words. I will try to keep it short, as I know that Dean - Scott's best man is really looking forward to giving you his speech -arent you Dean? On the way here, while you were all looking forward to a good meal with a nice drink, all I could think of was getting up to make the Father of the Bride speech. It's amazing what you think of when you are worried! I stared at the cats- eyes in the middle of the road, and remembered about how they were invented - evidently the inventor was driving in the blackout during the war, and saw a cat coming towards him in the dark, it's eyes glowing in the headlights, and the idea came to him in a flash. If the cat had been walking away from him he would have invented the pencil - sharpener! One of the best things about being a bloke is that weddings organise themselves! - and you get to go to the pub nearly every night, because dresses are being fitted in your house, and your as welcome as a fox in a hen-house! I would at this point like you to join me in a toast to my beautiful wife, as without her constant hard work, today would have been a shambles! My wife - Mary! No! - I haven't quite finished -because my next toast is to the bride and groom, which reminds me of the wedding I once went to where two of the guests were a Minister and a Priest. When the Priest was offered a drink for the toast he said, " I'll have a large whiskey, please!" When the Minister was offered the same, he said" No thanks, I'd sooner go with a Scarlet woman than touch the demon alcohol!" The Priest promptly put his whiskey back on the tray, and said, "I didn't know there was a choice!" Now I don't want to offend anybody, so if there's a Priest or Minister present, I apologise - and if there's a Scarlet woman here, I'll meet you in the bar in 10 minutes! Thank you for your kind indulgence, listening to my ramblings - now all that remains is for me to ask you to join me in a special toast to my beautiful daughter -the bride and here handsome husband the groom! The Bride and Groom!
GOOD AFTERNOON EVERYONE, I AM CHARLES, THE BRIDES FATHER. LINDA WAS BORN, I BLINKED, AND HERE I AM, GIVING THE BRIDES FATHERS SPEECH. WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE? PAM AND I, WOULD SINCERELY LIKE TO WELCOME TODAY, LESLEY AND BRUCE, THE GROOMS PARENTS; AND RELATIVES, AND FRIENDS OF BOTH FAMILIES, TO THIS VERY HAPPY OCCASION. I WOULD LIKE TO THANK, CURTIS CATERING, FOR THE LOVELY FARE, AND FOR NOT ALLOWING MY WIFE TO COOK. I WOULD LIKE TO THANK REVERENT THORNTON, FOR HIS BEAUTIFUL SERVICE. YOU CAN FIND HIM ON THE INTERNET, ON http://www.god.com I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO THANK, AUNTIE MARY, FOR DOING ALL OF THE BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS, AT THE CHURCH, AND THE RECEPTION, AND LAST , BUT NOT LEAST, I WOULD LIKE TO THANK SUSAN, FOR THE MAGNIFICENT WEDDING CAKE, AND FOR NOT ALLOWING MY WIFE, TO HELP HER, BAKE IT. WE ARE SO PROUD TODAY, TO SEE LINDA LOOKING, SO BEAUTIFUL. SHE HAS ALWAYS BRIGHTENED UP OUR LIVES, NEVER TURNED OFF THE LIGHTS. SHE HAS NOTHING TO WEAR, BUT FILLS SIX WARDROBES WITH IT. SHE DRESSES TO KILL, AND COOKS THE SAME WAY. I AM ONLY JOKING, SHE IS SO VERY SPECIAL, TO US. WE ARE ALSO VERY PROUD, THAT SHE HAS MARRIED STEVEN, A VERY SPECIAL YOUNG MAN. A SHEFFIELD UNITED SUPPORTER. I SAID TO HIM THE OTHER DAY, I BET ITS EXCITING WHEN YOU WIN. HE SAID I DON'T KNOW, I'VE ONLY BEEN GOING TWO SEASONS. ANYWAY, I WOULD LIKE TO FINISH OFF, BY GIVING A FEW WORDS OF WISDOM, TO THE NEWLY WEDS. NEVER GO TO BED ON AN ARGUMENT, STAY UP AND FIGHT. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE BE UPSTANDING, I WOULD LIKE TO PROPOSE A TOAST.---------TO THE BRIDE AND GROOM! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I WOULD NOW LIKE TO HAND YOU OVER, TO MY SON IN LAW, STEVEN.
example speech 4 Speech Rating: Ladies and Gentlemen
based on 94 reviews
I'm only going to speak for a couple of minutes, because of my throat. If I go on too long, Hazel has threatened to cut it! As father of the bride, it is my privilege to make the first speech. Somebody should tell my knees that it's a privilege! I want to start by apologising for Gary & Sam being late. It's taken them more than 9 years to get here today! Their 'lightning' romance puts me in mind of the story about the couple who were engaged for 30 years. Eventually the wife-to-be laid on a nice candle-lit dinner for her intended - with champagne, the works - and whispered romantically "Isn't it time we thought about getting married?" "Good heavens," he replied, "who would have us now? Gary's not like that, of course. In fact, I can tell you a true story about the first time I ever laid eyes on him - perhaps a year before he and Sammy started going out. He turned up with a couple of mates at the cricket club dinner, as drunk as a newt already, and making a lot of noise. The good news was that he soon calmed down. The bad news was that he emptied the contents of his stomach onto the dining table first. I remember thinking "I hope to goodness my daughters don't end marrying somebody like that!" To be honest, we were hoping she'd marry somebody with a bit of class, so obviously Ringmer cricketers were completely out of the question. Was it Groucho Marx who once said he wouldn't want to join any club that would have him as a member? Many of you will remember that Sam was only just 16 when Gary first asked her out. At the time, we hadn't realised Gary was the "Chunder" hero of the cricket club dinner - or you probably wouldn't be here today. In fairness, Gary isn't the type to get drunk and honk on his dinner - he normally just falls asleep in it. I believe that marriage will teach Gary loyalty, self-restraint, control. It will develop in him a sense of fair play... and many other qualities he wouldn't need if he had stayed single. Some time ago, Gary asked me what it would cost to get married. I had to admit - I just don't know. I'm still paying. So I asked him what he was looking for in marriage. He said love, happiness and eventually a family. I asked Sam the same question. She replied "A toaster." Handing Sam over to Gary reminds me of what my own father-in-law, Geoff, said at our wedding: If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be, yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. And if all it does is - just sit in your house, messes up your stuff, spends your money, eats your food, uses the telephone all night, and monopolises your TV... You either married it, or gave birth to it!
Before getting to the toast, I'd like to say a few words about Sam's mum, Hazel. The real head of the family. I know you all think of Hazel as being quiet and sober.... but that's not the whole story, of course. She's quite a deep, thinking person - you know, the philosophical type - which is how we came to be discussing marriage, the other day. I tried a few loose definitions on her, which I thought were quite clever... "Marriage is the difference between painting the town and painting the porch" "Marriage is like a steaming hot bath. Once your in it, it's not so hot." To be honest, she wasn't amused, so I tried teasing something out of her on the subject. Interesting word, isn't it, marriage? "Would you say it's an 'institution' or just a word?" I think she must have misheard because her instant reply was "I'd say it was more of a sentence." I remember asking her if she'd ever thought of divorce. "No" she said "only murder!" Funny thing marriage. Did you know they carried out a survey recently to establish whether married men live longer than bachelors. Apparently, there's absolutely no difference - it just seems longer when you're married! As you may know, I haven't been too well lately. I went to see the Doc last week and he suggested I gave up half my sex life. "Which half," I asked, "talking about it or thinking about it?" Seriously though, I can honestly say that Hazel and I are delighted to welcome Gary into the family. As his friends rightly told us, Gary genuinely is a nice guy and - although I've never asked his parents, Keith and Carol - I can see how proud they are of him. And Gary and Sammy are extremely well suited, aren't they? Both easy going (except Sam), both respectful to their parents (except Sam), both able to deal with disaster and triumph in the same way (except Sam, the drama queen). Never mind, we love her to bits and she knows it. I was telling Sammy the other day that, because I was worried about choking up, I wouldn't be able to say nice things about her today. She put her hands on her hips and said: "Well somebody had better say something nice!" Whatever, they're happy and they love each other. That should be enough to see them through life together - and I am not the man to dispense advice in public. In fact, according to Hazel, I'm not the man to dispense advice at all! And what about the bridesmaids? Didn't they look lovely, in the church? How many people in this room can say they love the bride and 2 of the bridesmaids - and fancy the other one! Poor Sharon is sitting there now, wondering whether to be flattered or insulted! Sharon, do you remember when the second eleven won the league, and that drunken pervert tried to pinch your bottom? He chased you across the village green, over to the Anchor, round the village hall... Goodness, he must have chased you half-way round the village... I never did catch you, did I? As for the guests... Welcome to you all. Today, we (on the top table) are surrounded by most of the friends and family that have been important to us during our lives. Some have traveled hundreds of miles, just to be here today. On behalf of Keith and Carol, Gary and Sam, Hazel and I - We welcome you all and thank you sincerely for your friendship and support over many years - and for sharing this special day with us.
And now for the toast... to two very special people, Gary and Sammy.
Speechmaking is not something I would normally look forward to, but today is a happy exception. As Father of the Bride, it is my privilege to make the first speech, and, I would like to start, by saying what a real pleasure it is to welcome, on this very happy occasion, Jean and John, Jeff's parents, together with relatives and friends of both families. We are very proud today, to see Liz, looking so beautiful, finally married to Jeff. During the time we have known him, we have come to realise how special he is to Liz, and anyone can see that they are made for each other. He is really likeable and easy going, and we are very happy to welcome him formally into our family, and I hope that he is now pleased to be a member of the Wxxxxxxxx clan. What we find gratifying, is that Jeff's parents feel the same about Liz. They have taken her to their hearts, and I believe that she is a real favourite with Brenna and Aidan. Maureen and I are really fortunate, that the second of our lovely daughters has made a match with her Mr. Right, and indeed, as with her sister, in doing so, has brought more welcome people into our family. Of course, marriage is not only about finding the perfect partner, but also about being one. I believe that marriage will teach Jeff, loyalty, self-restraint, and control. It will develop in him a sense of fair play ..... and many other qualities.....which he wouldn't need if he had stayed single! Handing Liz over to Jeff, reminds me of what was said at our Wedding. If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. And, if all it does is ...just sit in your house, mess up your stuff, spend your money, eat your food, use the telephone all night, and monopolise your Television.... You either married it, or gave birth to it! Funny thing marriage. Did you know they carried out a survey recently to establish whether married men live longer than bachelors. Apparently, there's absolutely no difference....it just seems longer when you're married! Seriously though, as someone who has been happily married for 44 years, and speaking therefore from great experience, I would like to warn this freshman here about what he'll be up against. I didn't think it wise to say anything before he'd gone through the wedding ceremony, in case he changed his mind. There's something you'll have to learn to live with Jeff, because no man has yet found a remedy for it...and that is....the female mind! It can be summed up by on simple instance. A woman bought her husband two ties for his birthday, a red one and a blue one.
He was undecided which one to wear at his party that evening, but appeared in the red one. As soon as his wife saw him, she said, "Oh! you're wearing the red tie. Don't you like the blue one?" There's no way you can win ....However, forewarned is forearmed. According to Charlton Heston, the key to a long and happy marriage Jeff, is to remember these three little words, "I was wrong." Another piece of advice I would like to pass on is this: Valentine cards understandably stress burning love, and the priests and parsons stress fidelity, but old married couples like us know that the secrets of a well-worked-at marriage, are persistence and patience, tolerance and forbearance, stoicism, tenacity, stamina, forgiveness and, failing that, a defective memory. It also helps, of course, if the husband is always prepared to take the blame, as is only right and just. My wife insisted that I made this last point! To be serious for a moment, I know that we suggested that you should elope and have your wedding on a beach in the Bahamas, but we're so glad you didn't, because this has been a wonderful wedding day, and it's not over yet! It is only right that we should toast the Bride and Groom, but we should also toast each of you here. You have come to help us celebrate this special occasion, of those we love, and who love each other. By your presence, you show friendship and love, and bring even greater joy to us all. We are all God's children, and I would like to extend to everyone ...love and friendship. Now it is my pleasant duty to propose a toast to the happy couple.... Here's to the past, for all that you've learned. Here's to the present, for all that you share. Here's to the future, for all that you look forward to TOGETHER. Ladies & Gentlemen, please be upstanding and raise your glasses to the Bride & Groom.
based on 69 reviews
I am only going to speak for a couple of minutes because of my throat,. If I go on long too long Val has threatened to cut it. Ive tried to memorize this speech which isnt easy when you have the memory retention of a goldfish so forgive me if resort to my notes every five seconds. I did ask for an autocue to be set up in front of me, but apparently the wedding budget doesnt stretch that far.. And neither does my eyesight. This takes me back to the last occasion that I was called upon to say a few words at a wedding. It was 31 years ago next month and it was my wedding to Helens Mum Val. I recall being totally lost for anything of any consequence to say. A feeling of total inadequacy descended upon me. It was a new experience to me. I was young and really knew nothing about being inadequate. At the wedding the vicar noticed that Val was in some distress and so asked her what was wrong. She said she was nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The vicar told her that she need only remember 3 things. First the aisle because that is what youll be walking down. Secondly, the altar because that is where youll arrive. Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service. While Val was walking to the wedding march my family and friends were horrified to hear her mutter under her breath Aisle, Altar, Hymn (Ill alter him) She has been keeping me on the straight and narrow ever since. Clearly large family events like todays dont just happen. They take a considerable amount of hard work and organisation and it would seem an appropriate point, therefore, for me to ask you all to join me in a toast to the present Mrs. Coulter, as without her constant hard work and diligence, today would have been a shambles. My wife- Val! No! I havent quite finished- because my next toast is to the bride and groom. Some time ago I asked Carl what he was looking for in a marriage and he said love, happiness and companionship. I asked Helen the same question and she said a toaster! Seriously, though Helen has always been a number one in our lives. She was a much-wanted first child and daughter, the first niece to our siblings and the first grand child for our respective parents. Today now confirms that she is number one in Carls life. Handing Helen over to Carl reminds me of what my own father-in-law, Les, said to me at our wedding: If you love something set it free If it comes back, it was, and always will be, yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. And if it all it does is just sits in your house, messes up your stuff, spends your money, eats your food, uses the telephone all night and monopolizes your TV You either married it, or gave birth to it!
Today, we ( on the top table) are surrounded by most of the friends and family that have been important to us during our lives. Some have traveled hundreds of miles, just to be here today. Thank you all for your friendship and support over many years- and for sharing this special day with us.
based on 85 reviews
Goods evening everyone, I am David, the brides father I will endeavour to keep this as short as possible for the sake of everyone. Especially me. If you hear any strange noises it is only my knees knocking, please take no notice. Shirley and I, would sincerely like to welcome today all of Stevens family and relatives, my relatives and all the friends of both families to this very happy occasion. I would like to thank the vicar for a lovely service, the two beautiful bridesmaids, and the vicars friend for keeping the weather at bay And my two grandchildren still throughout the ceremony (miracles still do happen) Tracey did not get the best start in life loosing her natural mother Kathy Wilmore at a very early age and having me as a father did not help. It is thanks to my wife Shirley, MR & MRS Wilmore (Sam and Alice) as our friends know them, Tom and Jill Leydon and my mother and sister Ann. That she has grown into a very sensible young lady, and I would like to extend my thanks to all of them for their support and guidance over the last 29 years helping me to raise Tracey, who I am very proud of, and love dearly Tracey was born on Christmas eve 1970 the day after the Aston Villa had beaten Manchester United in the semi final of the league cup, I actually left straight from the match to the hospital , she was born in the early hours of the morning, I had a double celebration and got very drunk. I have been told there can be no repeat performance today. (As if) I cant drink any more and the Villa certainly cant beat united. We are very proud that Tracey has married Steven. Avery special young man with a lot of very good qualities generous, polite, fair, and popular with all of my family and friends, it is a pity he is a West Bromwich Albion supporter. Still we cant all be perfect. Joking apart I really do like Stephen and welcome him into my family. At this stage I was going to give the newly weds some advise on not going to bed on an argument, but if I know Steven he will probably give way to his wife. Why should he be any different to the rest of us husbands? Any thing for a quiet life. Any way that is enough rambling from me for one day Ladies and gentleman, please be upstanding, I would like to propose a toastTo the Bride and Groom Mr & Mrs Taylor a long and very happy marriage Ladies and Gentlemen. I would now like to hand you over, to my son in law, Steven
based on 70 reviews
Ladies and gentlemen.Friends, I am Jon, the father of Rachel, and representing Rosemary, her mother. I am not accustomed to making speeches so please bear with me. This wedding is so soon after Christmas that many similarities stand out. Christmas is a gathering of friends and family and this is too, with the combination of two families friends and relatives. I would like to welcome every one of you here as you have all played some part however small in the lives of Leigh and Rachel and are valued because of that. Your presence here is important to them. The most important people here for Leigh, are Rhonda and Gordon. It has been really good to meet them and become family- in- laws and friends. There are a lot of people that deserve our thanks for their help in organising this celebration of two peoples love today. There are too many to mention by name. The main three have been Rosemary, Rachel and Granny(Mrs Ireland). Rose and Rachel have done most of the sheer hard work.. They have run the phone lines hot between here and Sydney. You will notice that Telstra shares have gone up! Now that it is all over this might be the time to sell. Rosemary has been incredible. She has gone into the minutist detail, no stone has been left unturned, all Ts crossed and all Is dotted. Should NASA ever need an organisor for another lunar landing then they neednt go any further than right here.(point) Rose has been fantastic and I ask all present to give her three cheership.hip hoorey. Rose has felt she has had the support of both sets of parents and her own family especially. Meeting Leighs family, it is easy to see where he gets his many terrific qualities from. Leigh is a great guy and we and all who meet him fall for his charm. He is an asset to anything he touches. Both sets of parents are very proud of them both. It is traditional according to the internet for the brides father to offer some worldly advice, so after you pick yourselves up from the floor in laughter I would like to offer some. The first is love, closely followed by friendship, tolerance and communication. Easy to say.,hard to do. AND NOW IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE TO PROPOSE THE TOAST OF LONG LIFE AND HAPPINESS TO RACHEL AND LEIGH.
Introduction When Detta asked me to give her away, my wife immediately started work on the speech, and issued a long list of subjects that I am not allowed to mention: The Taboos For example: Sex of course, no smut. Liverpool FC I wasnt even tempted. Newcastle United (less) tempting at the moment. Mother-in-laws I havent actually spoken to mine for the past two and a half years, its not that we dont get on shes a fine woman we get on like a house on fire, but it is rude to interrupt. Dont mention the war. The list is exhaustive, so if I transgress, Im sorry, I tried. Detta & Tony Obviously, Ive known Detta all of her life, she has always been a kind hearted and energetic person, it is nice to see her finally settle down. Tony, on the other hand, I have also have gotten to know fairly well over the last couple of years. He has proven himself to have a strong right arm, mainly due to exercises with a beer glass late into the evening. To be fair, Tony is not afraid of displaying his sporting prowess; At this years Garden House Invitation Tennis Tournament he did win the ping-pong competition well done!. However, when it came to the main event, he made it as far as the first round, tamely capitulating to a competitor of the female persuasion. This is not to denigrate womens tennis, there are many great players; the Williams sisters, Monica Seles, Martina Hingis. But believe me on this one, this lady isnt among them. This was bad made worse by my son Adam, who was watching the match, shouting in the background Tony, you cant lose to her, shes a woman AND shes DRUNK! in mitigation perhaps, she wasnt the only one. I do remember Detta once described Tony as Handsome from Afar, although, wed had a few at the time and it might have been far from handsome. Advice The occasion of a wedding presents itself as a great temptation for us old hands to pass on some advice to the happy couple and the only thing that I cant resist is temptation, so here goes: There are many things that go into making a marriage happy: love & fidelity of course, innate trust; the security of someone who will always listen; most of us know the secrets of a well-worked-at marriage, are persistence and patience, tolerance and forbearance, stoicism, tenacity, stamina, forgiveness or, failing that, a defective memory. It also helps, of course, if the husband is always prepared to take the blame, as is only right and just. , Well, thats amazing, after eighteen years of marriage, my wife still manages to surprise me, Glynn I thought you didnt know how to use Microsoft Word. I did serious research into the subject of marital advice, in fact, I asked a significant selection of the population for their advice to a couple setting out on the adventure of marriage. Their answers were surprising, not in their originality but in their unanimity. To a man, they all said DONT do it! With any statistics, there must be informed interpretation, my own interpretation of this information being that this doesnt so much reflect in the institution of marriage as much as it does on the characteristics of the clientele of the squash club bar on a Friday evening. General Getting down to the advice. It is very important to co-ordinate your use of the toothpaste, squeeze from the same end of the tube and always replace the lid. Many more marriages are ruined in the bathroom than in the bedroom. Detta Never go to bed in the middle of an argument, stay up and fight, but be diplomatic and magnanimous when you let him have your own way. If you want something from Tony, ask for it. Remember Tony is a man, hints do not work. You will find in your marriage, that you make all of the minor decisions whilst Tony makes all of the major decisions. Tony, you will find that all future decisions turn out to be of a minor nature. Tony You must consider the words of Oscar Wilde, "Women are meant to be loved, not understood" Marriage will bring to you many things, Loyalty, self restraint, obedience, and a whole host of other
virtues that you wouldnt need had you to remained single. Now that you are married, Detta will always have the last word in any argument any word that you come out with afterwards is by default, the start of a new argument! Remember, when you buy her flowers .it PROVES you're guilty. (but or course, beware the far more serious consequences of not buying her flowers !) Put the seat down after you. And remember those two invaluable words Yes Dear From the older generation Im very much aware that my role here is by proxy, and so I would like to reiterate on a little bit of dads advice for Tonys sake. Keep your ears open, your mouth shut, do as youre told and you will get a fair amount of peace in your marriage, for perfect peace, shut your ears as well. And finally, would you all join me in a toast; Detta, Tony: May you live as long as you like, and have all you need for as long as you live, May the road you choose be smooth, and your burdens light, May your joys be everlasting, and may all your pain . . . be champagne. Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. & Mrs. Wright.
I had some difficulty in writing this speech. I was going to begin with ladies and gentlemen but on looking around I'm glad I didn't. What I wrote was written very slowly so I will have to read it slowly. Here goes. DISTINGUISHED GUESTS, THOSE OF LESSER DISTINCTION AND THOSE OF NO DISTINCTION, FAMILY, RELATIVES, NEW AND OLD, INLAWS AND OUTLAWS, FRIENDS, FRIENDS OF FRIENDS, FREELOADERS AND HANGERS-ON. WELCOME TO SHARON AND TIM'S WEDDING BREAKFAST. HEATHER AND I THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRESENCE, FOR YOUR ACTING AS WITNESSES, AND FOR ASSISTING IN CELEBRATING THIS SPECIAL OCCASION. WE ARE SO PROUD OF OUR DAUGHTER. SHE HAS ALWAYS BRIGHTENED OUR LIVES. SHE NEVER TURNED OFF THE LIGHTS. HOW CAN I SAMPLE KEY EVENTS IN HER LIFE IT SEEMS ONLY YESTERDAY THAT SHE WAS BORN, THEN I BLINKED AND HERE WE ARE TODAY. SHARON AND TIM HAVE DOG LICENCES AND NOW A MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE BUT THE DOG LICENCES HAVE VALUE. A MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE MEANS NOTHING IN ITSELF. IT IS NOT A QUALIFICATION AND COMES WITH NO GUARANTEES . HEATHER AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR OVER THIRTY YEARS. IF YOU CONSIDER THE PENALTY FOR MURDER THATS MORE THAN TWO LIFE SENTENCES. WE HAVE HAD OUR UPS AND DOWNS BUT WE'VE MADE IT THROUGH TO TODAY WITH A HOST OF MEMORIES AND EXPERIENCES, SOME GOOD I HOPE THAT IN THE FUTURE SHARON AND TIM WILL BE ABLE TO SAY THE SAME I HAVE OBSERVED THAT TIM HAS MANY FINE QUALITIES. HE IS HONEST, FORTHRIGHT, USUALLY SOBER AND ABOVE ALL COURAGEOUS. TIM, I'M SORRY TO SAY THAT THESE ARE NOT THE QUALITIES OF A HAPPY MARRIED MAN. THE PROOF OF THIS IS SIMPLE OF THOSE VERY FEW HERE WHO QUALIFY, I DOUBT THAT THERE IS EVEN ONE WHO IS TRUTHFUL ENOUGH, SOBER ENOUGH OR BRAVE ENOUGH TO STAND UP AND AGREE WITH ME. TIM HAS ALSO DISPLAYED OTHER FINE QUALITIES INCLUDING LOYALTY, SELF RESTRAINT AND TOLERANCE THESE WILL NEED TO BE DEVELOPED TO A MUCH HIGHER DEGREE THAN WHAT HE WOULD NEED IF HE STAYED SINGLE. SOME ADVICE TIM - MAN IS INCOMPLETE UNTIL HE IS MARRIED, THEN HE IS REALLY FINISHED.
SHARON - A PERFECT WIFE IS ONE WHO HELPS HER HUSBAND WITH THE DISHES. BUT THEY DO SEEM WELL SUITED WELL, AT LEAST, THEY ARE CONSIDERATE OF EACH OTHER THEY ARE WATCHING THE NEWS A BLOKE IS STANDING ON A BRIDGE. A CROWD AROUND HIM. SHARON SAYS TO TIM " I BET YOU TEN DOLLARS HE JUMPS" TIM SAYS ' I BET YOU TWENTY HE DOESN'T" THE BLOKE JUMPS AND TIM BEGINS TO HAND OVER TWENTY DOLLARS SHARON SAYS "KEEP THE MONEY. I SAW THIS ON THE EARLY NEWS." TIM SAYS " SO DID I. ITS A FAIR BET. I JUST DIDN'T THINK HE'D DO IT AGAIN." SHARON AND TIM BECAUSE YOU ARE ONLY HUMAN YOU WILL HAVE GOOD DAYS TOGETHER AND SOME NOT SO GOOD. BUT IN TWELVE MONTHS TIME YOU CAN LOOK BACK AND RECALL THIS CELEBRATION AND YOUR COMMITMENT TODAY I WOULD LIKE TO WELCOME MY NEW SON-IN-LAW TIM INTO OUR FAMILY SHARON DESERVES A GOOD HUSBAND AND WE CERTAINLY APPROVE OF HER CHOICE. NOW, ON BEHALF OF TIM'S PARENTS NELLIE AND JOHN AND MY WIFE HEATHER, I REQUEST THAT ALL HERE PRESENT TAKE UP YOUR GLASSES AND JOIN ME IN WISHING THE NEW MR AND MRS SANDS ALL THE BEST FOR THE FUTURE. TO TIM AND SHARON
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Introduction Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I'm Yau-ming, the bride's brother. On behalf of my mother, Mrs. Lian Chiam, I wish to thank you all for coming to celebrate this special occasion with us. We are so happy that so many of our friends and relatives are able to come here to enjoy this splendid occasion with us. Today seems like a magical dream. This morning, I proudly walked my sister down the aisle to marry Richie, the man whom she loves so much. It was so beautiful to watch them exchanging their vows in that beautiful stained glass church. Its marvelous seeing these two good people come together. The Bride and Groom Hsien-ming is a gem in our family, a blessing to both her parents and me. She's been a good and faithful daughter to my mum and my dad. We know she will also be a blessing to Richie and his family. Dad would be so proud to see you together with this man. Hsien has been a good sister to me. I will miss her wit and good company, especially when South Park is on. Hsien, I'm sorry but the "higher authorities" will not allow me to do Cartman's German dance to honor this occasion. Hsien-ming and I have been so close that we're almost telepathic. We used to simply exchange looks at each other to communicate jokes. But lately she's been a little distant. her eyes like those of Skywalker look far far away to . Rowville. . Richie, I am so glad that you are marrying my sister. Richie and I have been good friends for a long time. He is a hardworking, talented, and ambitious young man. He not only has a good career path in I.T. but also a place in the Guinness World Book of Records as the holder of the biggest CD collection. But, above all these things, he loves my sister first and desires that she have the best. I know that my sister has found in you a partner, a trusted friend, a husband who will love her, honor her, cherish and take good care of her. (face audience) I believe this because when he was courting my sister, he honored my family, my sister, and his God by being patient like Jacob. He waited . for the right and appropriate time to ask for my sister's hand in marriage last year. If my father, Dr Chiam Joon Tong, were alive today he would be proud to give his daughter's hand in marriage to you. Instead, today I have that honor. The in-laws Mr and Mrs Teh (Richie's parents). I am so happy that my sister is marrying into such a good hearted family. I could not have asked for better in-laws; you both are the most kindest, warmest, and friendly people I've known. I know you will take only the best care of my sister. Appreciation of Pastors and Wedding helpers Thank you Pastor Tiow Ho Goh, T.T. Quah, and Dennis Gilles for your kind words this morning. Many thanks also to Aunty Jenny Ong, Aunty Choon Im, Aunty Phyllis Foo, Aunty Chin Yun, Catherine Chin and their helpers for organizing the catering and decoration. Thank you Elena, Li Ping, Lidia, Stephanie, and Tavis for helping with the ushering. Much appreciation goes to Kit Wong and Aunty Margaret Chow for organizing the tea ceremony. (look at Margaret) Aunty Margaret, you've been a great blessing to our family. We cannot thank you enough. God bless you and your household. Final Thanks of Appreciation and Toast Today, we are surrounded by so many friends and family members who have been important to us. Some have traveled hundreds of miles, just to be here today. From Singapore, we are honored to have Uncle See Tong and Lina, Uncle Char Lee and Aunty Phyllis, Aunty Suzie, Aunty Susan, and Aunty Lee Leng here. From L.A., the City of Angels, Hui Lee has flown in. Kim Yau and his Anna from Adelaide; Mark and Donna from Sydney, and my grandmother from Malaysia. We feel very privileged to have all of you here sharing this special day with us. And from Melbourne we have. all of you. Thank you all very much for coming. Would all you all please rise join me - in this first of many toasts to wish the Bride & Groom, Hsienming and Richie Teh, a long and happy married life together. May your lives be entwined like the strong leaves of ivy on a high castle tower. May your joy never end like the circles of your wedding rings.
Ladies and Gentlemen, WELCOME, It is a long time since Ive had to stand up and make speech in front of an audience, so I am reminded of ABC of public speaking Always Be Confident and most importantly the XYZ , before you stand up Examine Your ZIP This is a very happy day for Diana and myself. The old saying is exactly right we havent lost a daughter, we have gained a son. Its a pleasure to welcome you, Paul, and your family, particularly your parents Brian and Pauline. A special welcome also to your Aunt Margaret and Cousin Samantha all the way Canada. Welcome to all relatives and friends. Its particularly nice to see so many of Carolyn and Pauls special friends here today. As much as you try not to interfere in their lives, you always hope that once your children grow up, that they will make the right choices and that things will go well for them. So were delighted Carolyn chose someone we like so much to be her partner. Carolyn was born way back in 1970, I blinked, and here I am proposing the toast to her and her husband on her Wedding Day. . Where has the time gone? Such a lot has happened and I feel particularly proud as I stand here and see our lovely daughter celebrating her wedding day. So perhaps we did get a few things right, as parents. Cal was always quiet, clever and extremely conscientious, everything she did was tackled so thoroughly, schooling, exams, relationships. The only time she seemed to relax was at university, but maybe that was due to the company she was keeping. (only joking) Anyway, Im sure she must have approached selecting her mate in the same fashion, to end up with such a splendid chap as Paul. After Carolyn left university, Diana and I waited anxiously to see what she would do. Choice of career was still undecided and boyfriends were few, Angela, her sister, had gone off to London to further her career Were we ever going to get rid of her! However, during this time, shed been persuaded, with a little help from her Uncle Roger, to join the local Rotaract club (junior arm of Rotary). Here she met and made friends with a large circle of super people, many of whom are here today. Then from time to time, I could overhear snippets of conversation with her Mum, referring to a handsome young man from up north that had taken her fancy and who by an amazing coincidence was lodging at Cals grandmother old house in town. . BUT was he interested??? It seems he was, their friendship blossomed and he became a frequent visitor to our house, often carrying flowers. ( Diana misses the flowers even today) Then we realised they were in love. Then, as is the fashion today, they decided to set up home together and managed to buy a small house on the outskirts of Stratford. In my day, things were much different, we were not so forward and were very innocent On our Wedding day Diana & I sat up all night waiting for our sexual relations to arrive. So, what about Paul? What a lovely fellow, keen sportsman, so we got on well from the start. Like Carolyn he has worked hard to gain a good degree and recently completed a Masters to help further his career. As I mentioned, Paul was sporting. Now when Carolyn was outlining her ideal partner she always stressed, he would not be a sportsman like her Dad, disappearing each weekend to play cricket from
dawn to dusk. However, love conquers all. Over the past few years we got to know Paul even better, met his parents Brian and Pauline, later visiting them in their lovely home near Saddleworth Moor. Im sure, Brian and Pauline, like us were thrilled to hear that Paul and Carolyn were getting married. And today is down to Carolyn & Paul. Its their Wedding, they planned it, they arranged it and now, THEY have the STARRING ROLES. Now some advice. Know your place Im told that when Paul was at Junior School he was selected to perform in the school play. He played the part of a 30 year old married man, I cant remember the name of the play but when asked how he enjoyed acting, he replied Its fine but can I have a speaking part next time. Always agree and I you dare disagree always apologise later. When your wife wants your opinion she will give it to you. But seriously folks, as someone who has been happily married for nearly 40 years and speaking from great experience there is one thing I would like to warn the new kid about. Its something youll just have to live with because no man has yet found a remedy and that is . The female mind. It can be best summed up with this little story .. A woman bought her husband two ties for his birthday, a red one and a blue one. He was undecided which one to wear at his party that evening but appeared in the red one. As soon as his wife saw him she said Oh! Youre wearing the red one. Dont you like the blue one? However, as Oscar Wilde said Women are meant to be loved and not understood. Another piece of advice that I received on my Wedding day was from my Mother in Law.. she told me never go to bed on an argument Stay up and fight! But remember, Paul, A man is not complete until he is married, then hes finished but also remember Carolyn, It takes a good wife to make a good husband. Valentine cards, understandably stress burning love and priests and parson stress fidelity but we old married couples now the secret of a successful marriage is persistence, tolerance, patience, forbearance, tenacity, forgiveness and above a sense of humour. Enough, of this frivolity, down to the real job in hand The Toast to the Bride & Groom. Which reminds me of a wedding I once attended where two of the guests were a Parson and a Priest. When the priest was offered a drink for the toast he said Ill have a large whisky please. When the Minister was asked the same he said No thanks Id rather go with a scarlet Woman than touch the demon alcohol. The priest promptly put his drink back on the tray and exclaimed I didnt know there was a choice. Now, the last thing I want to do today is offend anyone. .. so if there is a Priest or Minister present, I apologise. and if theres a scarlet woman here, Ill meet you in the bar in 10 minutes! The toast To all of you who come along today to help us celebrate this special occasion, of those we love and who love each other. By your presence, you show friendship and love and bring greater joy to us all. So.. Carolyn and Paul Heres to the past, for all you have learned. Heres to the present, for all that you share. Here to the future, for all that you look forward to . TOGETHER. Ladies & Gentlemen, please be upstanding and raise your glasses to the Bride and Groom.
Carolyn and Paul
When I woke up this morning my head was full of wonderful ideas and I fully intended making a speech full of ad libs and impromptu comments , however since then my head has gone blank and I can't think of a thing to say.however so as not to disappoint here's one I prepared earlier. Good afternoon everyone as most of you know I am David, Vicky's dad. I've tried to memorise this speech but forgive me if I resort to my notes every five seconds or so, I did ask for an autocue to be set up infront of me, but apparently the wedding budget doesn't stretch that far and neither does my eyesight. Vicky, or Victoria as she was always known when she misbehaved was born 24 years and 4 days ago, I blinked and now here I am giving the brides fathers speech, where has time gone. Ann, Vicky's mum and I would sincerely like to welcome today Barbara and Derek, Stewarts parents, and all relatives and friends of both families to this very happy and special occasion. We are so proud today to see Vicky looking so beautiful. She has always brightened up our lives by mainly leaving bathroom ,kitchen and bedroom lights on. She has always been full of chat and plenty to say, the trouble was it was on my phone and at my expense. I am only joking she is so very special to us. Turning my attention to our new son in law Stewart, not many of you might know this but Stewart has a season ticket at Oakwell exactly 3 rows infront of my seat. Prior to being introduced to him by Vicky I had actually heard his voice quite often, the only trouble was that it was mainly shouting obscenities to the opposing fans sat to our right in the new stand. However when Vicky said she was bringing Stewart home to meet us I thought be on your best behaviour David and give him a chance. I thought to myself if he thinks as much about Vicky and Barnsley FC as I do he might be a decent lad. So the day arrived and Stewart came to our house to meet the Harrison clan, a daunting prospect. After the initial formalities we broke the ice and started talking about football, this is when he told me that he played for the Alma pub football team in the local Sunday league. I asked him if when they won did they use this as an excuse to go back to the pub and celebrate, but he said he didn't know as he'd only played for them for two seasons. However I understand that when he was in Benidorm on his pre wedding jollies they must have had a really good win at football because he finished up having to be put to bed by his brother Andrew, who can perhaps tell us more about this when he does his best man speech. Stewart must have taken a liking to us because after that he used to come to our house on a regular basis for meals and always insisted on having the last roast potato that by rights was mine. About 15 months ago Ann mentioned to me one day that Vicky and Stewart were coming to see us and that wedding plans were on the agenda. Being a canny Yorkshire man I thought about the options open to them, eloping somewhere, registry office, foreign shores, executive suite at oakwell, but no Ann, Vicky and Stewart stuck to their guns and Ardsley House it is. To be serious for a moment I am glad that you talked me round because this has been a wonderful wedding day and its not over yet be a long way. I asked them what they were looking for in a marriage and Vicky said " Love, happiness and companionship," and Stewart said " A Sony 41 inch television ", so that's him happy already. Although he did ask me what it cost to be married, and had to admit, I just don't know I am still paying for mine. A funny thing marriage, did you know that carried out a survey recently to establish whether married men lived longer than bachelors, apparently there is absolutely no difference, it just seems a lot longer when you are married. 15 months ago as Ann and Vicky started their wedding day plans Stewart started working at Blacker Hill on a bare shell. When I first saw it I could not visualise the wonderful home he was going to turn it into. I have to say it is a great credit to him and will be a home where he and Vicky can share a large part of their married life. Once again Stewart congratulations on a job well done. Apparently it is traditional for the brides father to offer some worldly advice about marriage, so I would just like to give my small piece. The first is love, closely followed by friendship, tolerance and communication. Easy to say hard to do. It now gives me great pleasure to propose a toast to the happy couple. Here's to the past, for all that you have learned Here's to the present, for all that you share Here's to the future, for all that you look forward to together
Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding and raise your glasses to the bride and groom Vicky and Stewart.
Can I start my speech by welcoming the guests. Today, we are surrounded by most of the friends and family that have been important to us during our lives. Some have travelled thousands of miles, just to be here today. On behalf of Owen, Patrick and Bonney, Hazel and I - We welcome you all and thank you sincerely for sharing this special day with us. As about half of you will know, this is my second father-of-the -bride speech in less than a year. To misquote Oscar Wilde from The Importance of Being Ernest - to lose one daughter may be considered unlucky. To lose two is careless! Well, I guess thats OK - because my being careless is how they came to be here in the first place. You will all be pleased to learn that my speech will be every bit as good as last time. In fact, my side of the family will probably remember great chunks of it! Not really, although I am following exactly the same format. This means it will probably start off badly, sag in the middle with long silences, and then trail off into a lot of incoherent rambling. To be honest, I did try to memorise this speech - but forgive me if I resort to my notes every 5 seconds. I asked for an autocue to be set up in front of me. Apparently, the wedding budget doesnt stretch that far... and neither does my eyesight. Patrick, we are delighted to welcome you into the family. By now, you must be wondering what on earth you have let yourself in for. I want you to know that Hazel and I took to you instantly. You are a kind and considerate man who deserves a good wife. Thank goodness you married Bonney before you found one! I am only kidding, of course. There is nothing in the world to match the thrill of seeing your first child born. Bonney was a beautiful baby. She still is beautiful - in every sense of the word - and she has continued to fill our lives with happiness and pride. Everyone knows that Bon is a rolling stone - and couldnt wait to leave home and find new adventures at University. Since then she has made many firm friends, some of whom are decidedly odd - but Ill say no more about that because most of the odd ones seem to be here today. Now where was I? Patrick... I expect you may have noticed Pats getting on a bit - a few grey hairs already - so its obviously taken him some time to find his Miss Right. Patrick is a rugby player - or so I am told. I took time to ask some of his mates how good he was, where was his best position. To cut a long story short, he seems to be terrible in every position! Im sure theres a joke there somewhere... but never mind.
I have to say that Bonney and Patrick are extremely well suited, arent they? Theyre happy and they love each other. That should be enough to see them through life together. It has been said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership. Whoever said that knows nothing about women and even less about fractions. I asked Pat recently what he was looking for in marriage. He said love, happiness and eventually a family. I asked Bon the same question. She replied A coffee percolator. She actually said a perky copulator but I knew what she meant... As you all know, fathers of the bride get to make the first speech. To be honest with you, its a bit like being invited to sleep with the Queen Mother. Its a great honour - but you really dont want to do it!
And what about the bridesmaids? Didnt they look lovely, in the church? Having seen all the Ushers, I thought for a minute Id accidentally wandered onto the set of Seven brides for seven brothers.
I started planning this speech a month ago. And you must feel like Ive been delivering it equally as long. And I havent quite finished yet. Because my next toast is to the bride and groom. Which reminds me of the wedding I once went to where the two of the guests were a minister and a priest. When the priest was offered a drink for the toast he said Ill have a large whisky please. When the minister was offered the same, he said No thanks. Id rather go with a scarlet woman than touch the demon alcohol. The priest promptly put his whisky back on the tray and said I didnt know there was a choice! Now I dont want to offend anybody, so if theres a priest or a minister present, I apologise. And if theres a scarlet woman here, Ill meet you in the bar in 10 minutes! Thank you for your indulgence. Without further delay Ill ask you to join me in a toast to my beautiful daughter, the bride, and her handsome husband, the groom. The bride and groom!
As father of the bride, it is my privilege to make the first speech and I would like to start by saying what a real pleasure it is to welcome, on this very happy occasion, Sheena and Malcolm, Ryans parents, together with relatives and friends of both families. Today, we, on the top table, are surrounded by most of the friends and family who have been important to us during our lives. Some have travelled hundreds of miles, just to be here today. On behalf of Shonagh and Ryan, Sheena and Malcolm, Lorna and Andre, Janet and I we welcome you all and thank you sincerely for your friendship and support over many years and for sharing this special day with us. By your presence, you show friendship and love, and bring even greater joy to us all. We are very proud today to see Shonagh, looking so beautiful, and now married to Ryan. During the time we have known him, we have come to realise how special Ryan is to Shonagh, and anyone can see that they are made for each other. He is really likeable and easy going, and we are very happy to welcome him formally into the family, and as a member of the Mitchell clan. What we find gratifying is that Ryans parents feel the same about Shonagh. They have taken her into their hearts, and I believe that she is a real favourite with Sheena and Malcolm. I am really fortunate that the first of my lovely daughters has made a match with her Mr. Right, and indeed, in doing so, has brought more welcome people into our family. Of course, marriage is not only about finding the perfect partner, but also about being one. Shonagh has made such a success of her life and career so far, that I am sure that her future partnership with Ryan will be even more successful. I would like to say how proud I am of Shonagh and what a wonderful daughter she is, in fact both my daughters have made me very glad to be their father. Handing Shonagh over to Ryan, reminds me of what has been said of marriage. If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be, yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. And, if all it does is just sit in your house, mess up your stuff, spend your money, eat your food, use the telephone all night, and monopolise your Television. You either married it, or gave birth to it! Marriage is a funny thing. Did you know they carried out a survey recently to establish whether married men live longer than bachelors? Apparently, theres absolutely no difference: it just seems longer when youre married! Seriously though, as someone with some experience of marriage, I would like to warn this beginner here about what hell be up against. I didnt think it wise to say anything before hed gone through with the wedding, in case he changed his mind. Theres something youll have to learn to live with Ryan, because no man has yet found a remedy for it; and that is, the female mind! The following can sum it up: A woman bought her husband two ties for his birthday, a red one and a blue one. He was undecided which one to wear at the party that evening, but appeared in the red one. As soon as his wife saw him, she said, Oh! Youre wearing the red tie. Dont you like the blue one? And Remember Ryan, the key to a long and happy marriage is these three little words, I was wrong! Theres no way you can win. However, forewarned is forearmed. By the way, how many of you remember, say 1969? Here are a few things that happened that year: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the Moon, even though there is a conspiracy theory that it never happened but was all filmed in Hollywood!
The 50 pence coin was first introduced The first test-tube fertilisation of human eggs, now they are cloning them! Pele scored his 1000th goal. Remember him? Monty Pythons Flying Circus was first broadcast. Now there was an important event. I think there was something else that happened in 1969 Ah, I know, Shonagh first brightened the world with her presence! To be serious for a moment, this has been a wonderful wedding day, one that will be remembered for a very long time, and its not over yet! Now it Heres Heres Heres is my pleasant duty to propose a toast to the happy couple. to the past, for all that youve learned. to the present, for all that you share. to the future for all that you look forward to. TOGETHER.
Ladies & Gentlemen, please be upstanding and raise your glasses to the Bride & Groom.
example speech 16 Speech Rating: BEGINNING
Get up mobile phone in hand "Well thank you Vicar it is a bit inconvenient at the moment I am just about to start the speeches". Im afraid theres been a bit of a hiccup in the proceedings, the vicar has just phoned to say that we have to do the registry signing all over again. It appears that Phils pen wouldnt work so he borrowed the vicars. He was still having problems so the vicar said "put your weight on it" Im afraid Sarah that you are now Mrs 12 stone 11 pounds. I'm only going to speak for a couple of minutes because of my throat; if I go on too long Dorothy has threatened to cut it. Ive tried to memorise this speech, which isnt easy when you have the memory retention of a goldfish, so forgive me if resort to my notes every five seconds. I did ask for an autocue to be set up in front of me, but apparently the wedding budget doesnt stretch that far.. And neither does my eyesight When Sarah and Phil announced that they were going to get married I asked them what that entailed for me and Sarah said that I would have to give her away. To those of you who know me well that came as a bit of a shock as I am not used to giving things away. Selling maybe but giving away I ask you. However, I did a deal with Phil. your Wimbledon tickets for my daughter. I hope youll agree that he came out best. Dorothy and I, would like to welcome , Geoff and Joan, who are Phils parents; all relatives and friends of both families, to this very happy occasion. There are also several people who I wish could have been here but arent and hopefully they are keeping an eye on proceedings from afar. I would like to thank the beautiful bridesmaids for looking after Sarah, the vicar for a lovely service, his boss for the great improvement in the weather and the staff at the Swallow Hotel for the great food and service. MIDDLE Clearly large family events like todays dont just happen. They take a considerable amount of hard work and organisation and it would seem an appropriate point, therefore, for me to ask you all to join me in a toast to Dorothy, as without her constant hard work, organisational skills and the N-word, today would not have been the fine occasion that it is. My wife- Dorothy Any excuse for a drink It is I believe traditional to give an insight into the people whose marriage you have all just witnessed Sarah has made a beautiful bride, but what sort of person is she Well, for a start she isnt environmentally friendly. She wouldnt let us buy re-cycled toilet paper because she thought it was. She has of course always brightened up our lives. you never did learn to turn lights off did you. Sarah always complained that she had nothing to wear, but managed to fill six wardrobes and most of the floor with it. Funny that now she has her own house she is really house proud .or is that your influence Phil;? Any way she always dressed to kill, and cooked the same way. Only joking Sarah we have had some lovely meals at your house.
We had a wedding rehearsal on Wednesday and the vicar noticed that Sarah was in some distress and so he asked her what was wrong. She said she was nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The vicar told her that she need only remember 3 things. First the aisle because that is what youll be walking down. Secondly, the altar because that is where youll arrive. Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service. While Sarah was walking to the wedding march my family and friends were horrified to hear her mutter under her breath Aisle, Altar, Hymn (Ill alter him) Sarah is a lovely girl and deserves a good husband. Philip, youre very lucky that shes married you, before she found one. Seriously though Philip is a great guy and a real man. You come round to my house, turn on sky sports and settle down, even raids the fridge for MY chocolate. You are also partially deaf which is a great male attribute. Believe it or not Philip started off life as a Liverpool supporter. Can you live that down. After Derbys dismal start to the last season I asked him what it was like to experience their first win and to watch them play exciting and attractive football. He said he didnt know as hed only been watching them for twenty years. By all accounts we are lucky that Philip is here today. I have it on good authority that when he was a baby, his Mum went to the local shops and, as was the custom in those days, she left him outside in his smart pram. She bought the groceries and returned home. Sometime later, to her horror, she remembered that her baby was still outside the shop. Luckily he is here today none the worse for this experience! END I started planning this speech a month ago, and you must feel like I have been delivering it equally as long, So that is all from me No! - I haven't quite finished I am reminded of the wedding that Dorothy & I went to a few months ago where two of the guests were a Minister and a Priest. When the Priest was offered a drink for the toast he said, " I'll have a large whiskey, please!" When the Minister was offered the same, he said" No thanks, I'd sooner go with a Scarlet woman than touch the demon alcohol!" The Priest promptly put his whiskey back on the tray, and said, "I didn't know there was a choice!" Now I don't want to offend anybody, so if there's a Priest or Minister present, I apologise - and if there's a Scarlet woman here, I'll meet you in the bar after the speeches. (Be very careful with this joke. It backfired on me. My sister-in-law who I love dearly!! was dressed all in scarlet!!) Anyway, I would like to finish off, by giving a few words of advice, to the newly weds. Never, never go to bed on an argument, stay up all night and fight. and specifically to Philip who just loves my words of wisdom You must always consider the words of Oscar Wilde, "Women are meant to be loved, not understood" Marriage will bring to you many things, Loyalty, self restraint, obedience, a sense of fair play and a whole host of other virtues that you wouldnt need had you remained single. Put the seat down after you. And remember those two invaluable words "Yes Dear"
And finally some musical advice..At this point I played the first couple of verses of Bobby Vees version of "Take Good Care of My Baby" an idea a copied from the great man himself not a dry eye in the house. and now at long last I hear you say. it gives me great pleasure to propose the toast of long life and happiness to Sarah and Philip The Bride and Groom!
based on 33 reviews
WHAT-O. WELCOME EVERYONE. IF YOU DIDNT RECOGNIZE THAT VERY 70s HIT 0UR MUSICIANS WERE PLAYING -- IT WAS TIGER FEET BY MUD --BUT MORE OF THAT LATER. HOWEVER THIS DOES GIVE ME THE CHANCE TO THANK THE CADENZA FOR THEIR CONTRIBUTION TO A VERY SPECIAL DAY. LIZ & I WERE TRYING TO WORK OUT HOW RECENTLY THE IDEA-- THAT ZOE WOULD WANT A WHITE WEDDING-- WOULD HAVE SEEMED UNBELIEVABLE. --SO THE EASIEST THING FOR ALL OF THIS--IS JUST TO BLAME IT ON COLIN. JAMES WILL NO DOUBT HAVE A FEW MESSAGES OF FRATERNAL ENDEARMENT TO CAST IN COLINs DIRECTION SO I WILL JUST SAY A FEW WORDS TO GIVE YOU SOME INSIGHT INTO TODAYs LOVELY BRIDE OUR DAUGHTER ZOE. ZOE IS MUSICAL. A TALENT THAT SHE UNDOUBTEDLY GETS FROM HER MOTHER & ONE EARLY MEMORY I HAVE IS OF HER DRESSED IN A STRIKING TIGER-STRIPED BABY-GROW -- LEANING PRECARIOUSLY AGAINST OUR COFFEE TABLE SUPPORTED BY ONE HAND-- WHILE WIGGLING HER TERRYLENE-NAPPY CLAD BOTTOM TO THE BEAT OF --YES YOUVE GUESSED IT-- MUDS TIGER FEET. WITH THE OTHER HAND SHE WAS SHOWING HER CARING SIDE -- BY SHARING HER BEAKER OF CHOCOLATE DRINK WITH THE LONG SUFFERING RUBBER PLANT THAT LIVED ON THE TABLE. OF COURSE NOT LONG AFTER --THE RUBBER PLANT DECIDED IT DIDNT HAVE A SWEET ROOT AFTER ALL, --THE BABY-GROW WAS OUTGROWN --& TERRYLENE NAPPIES WERE OVERTAKEN BY TECHNOLOGY & CONVENIENCE, BUTMUD & THE COFFEE TABLE ARE STILL WITH US --VERY RETRO -- & SO IS OUR MUSICAL -CARING DAUGHTER. ZOE IS ALSO A RESPONSIBLE PERSON. A FEW YEARS LATER WE DECIDED WITH OUR FRIENDS--THE DAVIDSONS-- TO TAKE A NARROWBOAT HOLIDAY ON THE CANALS. ALL 10 OF US -- INCLUDING 6 YOUNG CHILDREN-- OF WHOM ZOE WAS THE ELDEST. WE WERE STILL IN THE CANAL BASIN-- WITH THE CHILDREN PLAYING OUTSIDE-- WHILE 4 ALREADY ANXIOUS PARENTS WERE DOWN BELOW LEARNING ABOUT THE WONDERS OF CHEMICAL TOILETS & PRECISELY HOW TO GREASE A NIPPLE. SUDDENLY! THERE WAS A COMMOTION OUTSIDE --& WHO SHOULD APPEAR IN THE HATCH--DRIPPING WET-BUT ZOE HAVING TRIPPED OVER A MOORING. SO ZOE IS RESPONSIBLE & --ON THAT OCCASION-- SHE WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL OF US HAVING TO WEAR THE HATED BUOYANCY AIDS-- VERY UNCOOL. ENOUGH OF THE PAST. LIZ & I ARE ALWAYS GRATEFUL THAT WE CAN BE VERY PROUD OF ALL 3 OF OUR CHILDREN ZOE, JAKE & LUKE AS PARENTS WE OF COURSE LOVE THEM BUT-- WE EVEN LIKE THEM TOO! HOWEVER I HAVE TO SAY THAT WE HAVE NEVER BEEN PROUDER OF ZOE THAN WE ARE TODAY. SOME OF YOU MAY HAVE HEARD THOSE STORIES HAVING KNOWN ZOE SINCE BIRTH, SOME OTHERS KNOW HER FROM BERDEN, BISHOPS STORTFORD, CAMBRIDGE, STRASBOURG, OXFORD, LONDON AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST KNOW HER THROUGH COLIN. IM SURE WE ALL CAN SEE THAT THEY MAKE A GREAT COUPLE & THAT JUNE 30TH WILL REMAIN A VERY SPECIAL DAY FOR THEM FOR A LONG TIME TO COME.
--THATS FREE ADVICE COLIN -- FOR GOODNESS SAKE DONT FORGET THE DATE --EVEN WHEN THE LIONS ARE NEXT TOURING AUSTRALIA. BY CONVENTION I SHOULD NOW OFFER COLIN FURTHER WORDS OF WISDOM WHETHER FROM OSCAR WILDE WOMEN ARE MEANT TO BE LOVED NOT UNDERSTOOD OR MORE BUSINESSLIKE MARRIAGE IS A 50:50 PARTNERSHIP WHICH WAS OBVIOUSLY SAID BY SOMEONE WHO KNEW NOTHING ABOUT WOMEN & EVEN LESS ABOUT MATHEMATICS. REMEMBER TOO THAT MARRIAGE WILL BRING YOU MANY THINGSLOYALTYSELF-RESTRAINT OBEDIENCEA SENSE OF FAIRPLAY--& MANY OTHER VIRTUES THAT YOU WOULDNT NEED HAD YOU STAYED SINGLE. SO COLIN MAY I THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE PLUNGE WITH ZOE-- WITH OR WITHOUT A BUOYANCY AID-- & WELCOME YOU FORMALLY-- TO OUR FAMILY. I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO THANK ALISTAIR & CAROL FOR RAISING SUCH A FINE YOUNG MAN & WELCOMEYOU-- BOTH TO OUR FAMILY. THANKS TOO TO OUR LOVELY BRIDESMAIDS CATRIONA & MARIANNE & TO THE HANDSOME USHERS SCATTERED STRATEGICALLY ACROSS THIS LOVELY ROOM.
FINALLY ID LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING. YOU HAVE TRAVELLED FROM ALL OVER ENGLAND & THE NEW FOREIGN COUNTRY NORTH OF THE BORDER BUT ALSO FROM OSLO, STRASBOURG, MADRID & SYDNEY & WE ARE GRATEFUL TO YOU ALL. THERE ARE SOME ABSENT FRIENDS. ITS WELL KOWN THAT THE AVERAGE AGE FOR MARRIAGE HAS RISEN SHARPLY & ZOE REMARKED WHILE DOING THE GUEST LIST HOW FEW OF HER FRIENDS WERE MARRIED. BUT IRONICALLY LYDIA --A FRIEND FROM UNIVERSITY --GETS MARRIED THIS VERY DAY. WE ALSO MISS LARA ZOES COUSIN WHO IS AT LUXOR IN EGYPT, HELPING IN AN ORPHANAGE GOOD FOR LAURA. SADLY WE DECIDED THAT ZOES GRANDMA WASNT WELL ENOUGH TO ATTEND --& SHE SO LOVES A PARTY. ZOE & COLIN ARE OF COURSE OFF TO MAURITIUS FOR THEIR HONEYMOON & WHEN THEY GET BACK THEY WILL SOON BE LISTENING TO THE PATTER OF TINY FEET . --BUT IF YOU LIVE OFF THE ESSEX ROAD YOU MUST EXPECT TO GET MICE SOMETIME. DESPITE THIS ZOE HAS NEVER LOOKED SO HAPPY & RADIANT & WE VERY PROUD OF THEM BOTH. SO NOW PLEASE JOIN ME IN WISHING THEM A LONG & HAPPY LIFE TOGETHER. TO ZOE & COLIN -- THE BRIDE & GROOM.
based on 90 reviews
GOOD AFTERNOON EVERYONE, MOST OF YOU KNOW BY NOW WHO I AM, IM JULIES DAD, PETER. UNACCUSTOMED AS I AM TO MAKING SPEECHES, I WILL ASK YOU TO FORGIVE ME WHEN I KEEP LOOKING AT MY NOTES, THE TROUBLE IS AS I KEEP BEING REMINDED I AM GETTING OLD AND FORGET THINGS VERY EASILY. --------------------------------------------------NOW WHAT WAS I SAYING. OH YES MY NOTES.
AS FATHER OF THE BRIDE IT IS MY PRIVILEGE TO MAKE THE FIRST SPEECH AND I WOULD LIKE TO START BY SAYING WHAT A REAL PLEASURE IT IS TO WELCOME YOU ALL HERE TODAY. MANY OF YOU HAVE TRAVELLED MANY MILES TO JOIN US IN CELIBRATING JULIE AND LEONS VERY SPECIAL DAY. I KNOW THAT AT ALOT WEDDINGS THIS IS THE SPEECH THAT EVERYONE DISLIKES, JULIE HAS ASKED ME TO KEEP IT SHORT. I EVEN KNOW THAT THERE IS A BOOK RUNNING ON HOW LONG THE SPEECH WILL LAST, ALL I WILL SAY TO THE PERSON WHO IS RUNNING THE BOOK, PUT ME DOWN FOR 59 MINUTES AND 58 SECONDS. I ALSO UNDERSTAND THERE WAS BETTING GOING ON WHETHER I WOULD HAVE TEARS IN MY EYES WHEN I TOOK JULIE DOWN THE AISLE, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO SAW THE TEARS, MAY I PUT THE RECORD STRAIGHT. I DID HAVE TEARS IN MY EYES, BUT THAT WAS BECAUSE I WAS WORRING OVER WHAT I WOULD SAY TO MY BANK MANAGER ON MONDAY MORNING. WHEN JULIE WAS YOUNG SHE SAID TO ME, DADDY WHEN I GET MARRIED I WANT TO LOOK LIKE A FAIRY PRINCESS. I MAYBE SLIGHTLY BIASE, BUT IM SURE THAT YOU WILL ALL AGREE WITH ME THAT JULIE DOES LOOK LIKE A BEAUTIFUL FAIRY PRINCESS. LEON I THINK YOU HAVE WON THE LOTTERY, JULIE YOU LOOK ABSOLUTLY FABULOUS. WHEN JULIE WAS THREE I TOOK JULIE STRAWBERRY PICKING THE DAY THAT PHILIP WAS BORN, IT GAVE ME GREAT PLEASURE WHEN YESTERDAY JULIE SAID TO ME DAD WILL YOU TAKE ME STRAWBERRY PICKING. THEY BY THE WAY ARE NOT THE STRAWBERRIES THAT WE ATE TODAY. ITS THOUGHTS THAT GO THROUGH YOUR MIND WHEN YOUR STANDING IN FRONT OF THE VICAR READY TO GIVE YOUR DAUGHTER AWAY, BUT THERE YOU GO. NOW LEON, WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT LEON. I FIRST HEARD THE NAME LEON WHEN WE WERE ON A FAMILY HOLIDAY IN LANZAROTE. JULIE SPENT MOST OF HER TIME AND ALL OF HER MONEY ON THE PHONE BACK TO ENGLAND TO THIS NEW FRIEND CALLED LEON. TWO WEEKS AFTER WE CAME BACK FROM HOLIDAY I CAME HOME FROM WORK TO FIND A YOUNG MAN IN MY KITCHEN. I TOOK AN INSTANT DISLIKE TO HIM, HE HAD EVERYTHING I DIDNT, GOOD LOOKS, YOUTH, HAIR, ------------VERY LONG HAIR DOWN TO HIS SHOULDERS. IM ONLY JOKING, LEON IS A VERY LIKABLE AND THOUGHTFUL YOUNG MAN, AFTER GOING OUT WITH JULIE FOR EIGHT MONTHS HE JOINED THE HUMAN RACE AND HAD HIS HAIRCUT. HE OFFERED ME THE HAIR HE HAD CUT OFF, IT WAS THE WRONG COLOUR THOUGH. ROGER AND SHIRLIE, LEONS MUM AND DAD AND KATHY AND MYSELF ARE VERY PROUD OF THE WAY LEON HAS WORKED HARD TO CONTINUE HIS ACCOUNTANCY COURSE OVER THE PAST FOUR YEARS. HE IS A VERY HARD WORKING MAN AND ONCE HE FINISHES HIS EXAMS WILL GO PLACES. JULIE CANT WAIT FOR HIM TO PASS SO THAT, IN HER OWN WORDS I CAN RETIRE
JULIE WAS VERY TENSE ON THURSDAY NIGHT WHEN WE HAD THE WEDDING REHERSALS, THE VICAR TRIED TO CALM HER DOWN. HE SAID JULIE DONT WORRY ALL YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER IS THREE THINGS WHEN YOU GET TO THE CHURCH YOU WALK UP THE AISLE WITH YOUR DAD. THEN YOU GET TO WHERE IM STANDING AT THE ALTER. AFTER THAT WE ALL SING HYMMS. SO REMEMBER THE AISLE, THE ALTER AND THE HYMMS. I DONT KNOW IF ANY OF YOU HEARD JULIE AS WE WERE WALKING INTO CHURCH. SHE WAS SAYING ILL ALTER HIM, ILL ALTER HIM. LEON AS MANY OF YOU KNOW IS VERY CHATTY ONCE HE HAS HAD A FEW BEERS. ON HIS STAG NIGHT HE CAME OVER TO ME AND SAID, PETER IVE SORTED HER OUT I SAID WHO HAVE YOU SORTED OUT LEON. HE SAID JULIE. LAST NIGHT ID BEEN OUT FOR A FEW BEERS WITH CHRIS, JULIE AND I WE WENT UP TO BED AND I TOOK OFF MY TROUSERS AND SAID JULIE, PUT THOSE ON. SHE DID AND BURST OUT LAUGHING, SAYING THERE MUCH TO BIG FOR ME. I SAID TO HER EXACTLY, --------------WHEN WE GET MARRIED DONT FORGET WHO WEARS THE TROUSERS. I SAID TO LEON, WHAT DID JULIE SAY TO THAT!!!! HE SAID, WELL SHE GAVE ME MY TROUSERS BACK AND THEN TOOK OFF HER KNICKERS AND THREW THEM AT ME. SHE SAID PUT THEM ON. I SAID I CANT GET INTO THEM. SHE SAID EXACTLY AND DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT UNTIL YOU CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE MATE. I WOULD LIKE TO WELCOME LEON INTO OUR FAMILY, BUT TO BE HONEST HE HAS BEEN PART OF IT FOR SEVERAL YEARS AS HAS JULIE WITH LEONS FAMILY. JULIE AND LEON PLEASE HAVE A WONDERFUL LIFE TOGETHER, LOVE EACH OTHER, BE HAPPY AND NEVER GO TO BED IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ARGUMENT, STAY UP AND FIGHT, KEEP THE NEIGHBOURS AWAKE. IT NOW GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE TO PROPOSE THE TOAST TO THE HAPPY COUPLE. FAMILY AND FRIENDS, I ASK YOU ALL TO BE UPSTANDING AND DRINK A TOAST TO THE BRIDE AND BRIDEGOOM, THE NEW MR MRS NEWTH, JULIE AND LEON TO JULIE AND LEON.
Ladies and gentlemen. Im only going to speak for a couple of minutes because of my throat..if I go on too long Joan has threatened to cut it. As it is my privilege to make the first speech I would like to start by saying that Joan and I and Betty and Ronnie, Davids parents, would sincerely like to welcome today, relatives and friends of both families to this very happy occasion. We are very proud today to see Alison looking so beautiful and finally married to David. When Alison asked me to give her away I considered it to be a great honour and a privilege to stand in as the father of the bride. Alisons father would be extremely proud of her today and I am sure that Brian will be looking down at us all today, wishing Alison and David all the best for the future. I would like you all to join me in a toast to the happy memory of Brian. Ladies and gentlemen please be upstanding and raise your glasses to Brian. Before I ask you all to join me in a toast to the Bride and Groom, I would like to bore you with a few more words. I will try to keep it short, as I know that Martin, Davids best man is really looking forward to giving you his speech..arent you Martin?Being asked to be best man really is a tough job, rather like being asked to go on a date with the Queen Mother.its a great honour but no-one really wants to do it. While preparing my speech I got thinking about how long I have known Alison and I was surprised to discover that it is nearly twenty years. In that time she has matured into a well balanced and sensible young woman. Alison is friendly, thoughtful, considerate and fun-loving. Alison is a lovely girl and deserves a good husband. David, youre very lucky that she married you before she found one. Im only joking of course. Since I first met David we have become good friends and have a couple of common interestsdrinking beerand drinking more beer. David is a very likeable person, easy going, generous, polite and popular. He is a great credit to his parents, Betty and Ronnie and after spending the stag weekend with Ronnie I can see where he gets these qualities from. It is a real pleasure to welcome him formally to the family. What we find gratifying is that Davids parents feel the same about Alison. They have taken her into their hearts, and I believe that Alison is a real favourite with Betty and Ronnie. I thought that I would give you a brief history of the happy couple. David was born in 1968, the same year in which scientists devised the epidural to ease the pain of childbirth. Unfortunately for David they havent yet devised anything to ease the pain of marriage. Alison was born in 1970, the year in which the 1000th episode of Coronation Street was screened. Im led to believe that she hasnt missed many episodes since then. Alison and David met in 1995. Alison had an evening job at Davids local, the Bird in Hand. Alison immediately caught Davids eye and he fancied his chances of taming the fiery new barmaid. On being thrown his change across the bar one night Davids eyes met Alisons. I would like to say that it was Love at first sight. A first date to Blackpool followed one Sunday in November 1995 and the rest as they say is history. In fact its taken nearly six years for Alison and David to get here today. Their lightening romance reminds me of a story about a couple who were engaged for 30 years. Eventually, the wife to be laid on a nice candle lit dinner for her intended, with champagne, the works and whispered romantically Isnt it time we thought about getting married? Good heavens he replied who would have us now. They say that music is the food of Love. That may well be true. Looking back to chart toppers on this day I found a few appropriate songs. In 1959 there was a big hunk of Love by Elvis Presley, and in 1967 light my Fire by the doors and I was made to love her by Stevie Wonder were top of the pops on this day.
I have to say that Alison and David are very well suited, arent they? Theyre happy and they love each other. That should be enough to see them through life together. I think at this point to finish off I am supposed to give some worldly advice on a happy marriage.. Well David, I can offer three pieces of advice:First:- In the words of Charlton Heston, the key to a long and happy marriage is to remember these three words, I was wrong. Second:- In the words of Oscar Wilde Women are meant to be loved and not understood. And Third:- Always put the seat down after you. But seriously though, if any words of advice spring to mind, the first would be Love, closely followed by Friendship, Tolerance and Communication. It now gives me great pleasure to propose a toast to the happy couple. Heres to the past, for all that youve learned. Heres to the present, for all that you share. Heres to the future, for all that you look forward to TOGETHER..Ladies and Gentlemen, please be upstanding and raise your glasses to the Bride and Groom, Alison and David.
based on 64 reviews
My Lords, My Lady, Ladies and Gentlemen, It is a great privilege and honour for me to be able to welcome you all here today at the wedding of Samantha and Trevor, especially those of you who have made long journeys to be with us. Im under orders to keep this as short as possible, so Ill do my best. Ever since Samantha was a little girl shes been telling her mother and myself that she was going to have a Fairytale wedding, you know the sort of thing, Kiss a Toad, marry a Prince, ride off on a White horse, live in a Castle, all the usual sort of little girl dreams. Well, in a couple of ways shes been right all along!, It has seemed like a Fairytale wedding, -seeing as no-one really believes in Fairy tales, no-one believed this would ever happen, mind you she got the Toad bit right, but instead of a Prince she got Trevor. I would liked to have been able to say that I want to take the opportunity to welcome Trevor to the family, but hes been around for so long now that hes part of the fixtures and fittings, mind you hes been welcome since day 1, and thats at least 10 years ago now!. It has been a bit of a Whirlwind romance this one has, and its left us all gasping!,- not for breath you must understand, but more on the lines of Will they or Wont they. Well they finally did, and here we all are today to wish them well throughout their married life. Now Im supposed to offer some advice at this point - even if its years too late.--Trevor, most things, as you learnt years ago, will revolve around three little words that Sam, along with nearly every other woman in the world, was born speaking, All, Just and Only. ALL you need to do, --- Its ONLY 500, --- Itll JUST take 5 minutes. Every Man Jack here in this room will know the only possible and permitted reply to ANY of those three little words, and the only way to keep the peace, is to use those two immortal words that only a husband can know the true and dreadful meaning of -Yes Dear. I would also like to say, never go to sleep with an un-finished argument hanging over you, be a man, stay awake and fight to the bitter end, youre going to lose anyway, so you might as well get it over and done with!. All joking aside, I would like for you all to now join me in a toast to the new Bride and Groom, as I can see that John, the Best Man, is just itching to get on with his speech, so without any more waffling from me, I would like for you all to join me in wishing them both the very best in all things, now and always!. CONGRATULATIONS SAM AND TREVOR!. The Letter Friday 3rd. August 2001 Dear Samantha and Trevor, Well, youve finally managed to Do the Deed and make an honest person of each other, our sincerest congratulations to you both!, mind you, it took you long enough! We were both hoping to come down to Kitley to share some time with you but, unfortunately, as you probably understand, other matters must, sadly, take precedence. Hopefully, time will allow us to visit later this year, or early next year, so until then we shall send our love and kind regards. Yours sincerely, Tony and Cherie. P.S. remember us to your Mum and Dad, well have to get together again soon!

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