A FEATHER . . . A BIRD . . . A TESTIMONY OF GODS PRESENCE AND PROVISION.

Psalm 139 says: O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. v 1-3 For you created my inmost being: you knit me together in my mothers womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. v. 13 All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. v. 16 Jeremiah 29: 11-13: For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Too many of us live our lives in a busy, fast-paced world without truly grasping the truth and meaning of these verses. How sad it is that we spend so much of our time without fully recognizing and acknowledging Gods presence and power at work in our lives. Believe me, He is there at work in all the details of your life, whether you are aware of it or not. I know this from personal experience as God has opened my eyes to see the wonderful, awe-inspiring work of His hand in my own life. If I could sum up my testimony before I even share it with you, I think it would be this: There are no accidents in life . . . only acts planned by God! In my life, this started with my birth. You see, my parents were both 45. . . the parents of four sons, ages 14-25, three of whom were married. Actually, they were already grandparents. Im sure, in their minds, their lives were pretty much settled at that point. Then my mother started to not feel well and made an appointment with the doctor - only to discover that she was pregnant! This news came as quite a shock to everyone. My aunt told me how she and my grandmother found out. . .Back in those days, they used to wallpaper the ceilings, so thats what my grandma and aunt were doing the day my mother went to the doctor. They were a little worried about her since she hadnt been feeling well. When my mom came over after her appointment, my aunt was up on the ladder. When my mom came in and said Well, I have some news, my aunt said she was expecting the worst.

Then when my mom said Im pregnant, my aunt said she was so shocked, she plum near fell off the ladder! At that age and at that point in their lives, Im sure everyone considered me quite the accident. I, however, have always said that I was not an accident, but a blessing. When I was young, I just said this because I thought it was cute and funny. Now that I am older and wiser, I truly believe it. You see, God must have had some reason for creating me because otherwise, in all likelihood, I wouldnt be standing here. I DEFINITELY was not planned by my parents - it HAD to have been Gods idea. Can you imagine, though, my mothers joy to finally have a little girl of her own to spoil? When I was four years old, my mother, once again, began to feel bad. This time, she put off going to the doctor and, when she finally went, found out that she had leukemia and that there was nothing they could do for her. My aunts have told me that, when my mother got really sick, she would sleep a lot, and when she woke up, the first thing she would say is Where is Kim?. They also told me that the afternoon she knew she wasnt going to make it any longer, she said Ive waited 25 years for my little girl, and now I have to leave her. I have often wondered that same thing myself . . . why did she finally have me and then die when I was only four? God gave me an answer to that question a few years ago. Remember -no accidents. . .only Gods plans? Remember what the bible says in Psalm 139 - God knew from the moment my mother was created in her mothers womb all the days of her life, and He also knew when and how she was going to die. So, I believe, He planned a special gift to bless her with for the last four years of her life the little girl she had always wanted! That thought makes me so happy and, if that is the only reason God created me - to bring my mother joy in her final years here on earth -what a blessing that is! My father remarried six months after my mother died, and God provided me with another wonderful mother to replace her. She had lost her husband five years earlier and had three small children, and we all became a family. I was blessed in that all three of my parents, as well as my grandparents, were Christians, and God has just always been a part of my life. I was raised in Milford, Nebraska, a small Mennonite community. My family attended church every Sunday and I learned at an early age that God loved me, but that my sin separated me from Him. I also learned that there was nothing I could do on my own to bridge that separation - I couldnt go to church often enough, I couldnt be a nice enough person, I couldnt read my bible enough - I couldnt do anything on my own to earn forgiveness of my sin or my way into heaven. I learned that God demanded a sacrifice for
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my sins - the shedding of blood - and that, back in the Old Testament days, that meant they had to build an altar, get an animal, kill it and shed its blood as a sacrifice for forgiveness of their sin. I also learned, though, that God loved me so much and that He had an even better plan. He sent his son, Jesus, who was perfect and blameless, to be the perfect sacrifice for sin - to bear the punishment I deserved for my sin, once and for all, on the cross. All that was required of me was to believe in my heart that he died for me - thus paying my debt in full - and confessing with my mouth that He is the Son of God who died in my place and declaring him as the Savior of my soul and the Lord of my life. When I was seven years old, an evangelist came to town and held a revival. At the end of his sermon, I found myself going forward to the altar as the song Just as I Am was being sung, and it was there that I personally accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. My family moved to Blair, Nebraska, when I was in the sixth grade and, for the most part, that is where I have lived ever since. One of the most important things that my parents taught me was to daily spend time with God. I remember reading my bible every night and praying to God every day - I had a relationship with Him, even at an early age. As I have grown older, there are times when my walk with the Lord has been very close, but often times I have found myself trying to walk on my own. I grew up living a very blessed life, all the while knowing that my blessings came from God, but also taking them for granted at times and allowing myself to become self-sufficient and not so dependent upon Him. I remember, throughout my life, listening to sermons on pain and suffering and why God allows them in our lives and thinking to myself This is nice, but I dont really get it - it doesnt apply to me because I dont even know what it is like to experience it. I didnt relate to it. I also remember thinking, though, I hope that if something bad ever does happen in my life, my faith will be strong enough to see me through it. What a wonderful God we have remember, He knows all of our thoughts and is involved in the details of our life. I met Tom Tierney when I was 16 years old. He was my first date, my first kiss, and my first love. He was the youngest of nine boys and was baptized in the Catholic church when he was a small boy. Before we were married in April of 1985, he had also come to have an intimate relationship with God and had accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior as well. By the time our 15th wedding anniversary came along in the year 2000, we had been blessed with two children, Alyssa, who was 13 at the time, and Zach, who was 10. Tom worked at Good Shepherd Lutheran Home as their Maintenance Director, and I was working as a secretary for two attorneys in town. We

lived in a house in town, but the previous year had decided it was time to move. We wanted to move into the country so we bought a newspaper and went driving around looking at acreages for sale. Unfortunately, we couldnt find anything we liked - we either liked the land but not the house or liked the house but not the land. So, during one of our evening walks, we found a lot for sale in town and decided to buy it and build our dream house. The first hurdle was selling our house, so we made a For Sale by Owner sign for the front yard and put an ad in Thursdays paper - with an open house scheduled for the following Sunday. To our amazement . . . our house sold that Sunday evening! We decided to move our family into an apartment and save as much money as we could for a year before building our new home. We spent Christmas in the apartment that year, it was 1999. Since we had the extra money, we made it a special Christmas for the kids and had 99 presents under the Christmas tree. I remember joking with them . . . if you got 99 presents under the tree this year (1999) - guess what you will get next year (2000)? Little did any of us know just how special that Christmas would become to us and the changes that were to come in the new year. When we were looking at acreages, Tom had told me about a house that a couple who were moving into Good Shepherd had for sale. They had wanted $170,000 for their house, and we had went out and looked at it. It didnt really do anything for me and I remember telling Tom that I would rather spend the $170,000 on a new house than on that one. Well, in the Spring of 2000, he came home one day and told me that the couple would sell the house to us for $140,000, and he asked me to go and look at it again. I agreed, and I have to say that this time, when we pulled into the driveway, for some reason, it felt totally different than the first time - it felt like coming home. We walked through the house as he told me all of these plans he had for remodeling, and when we left, we both agreed that we wanted to live there. Our next hurdle was selling our lot and getting out of our apartment lease six months early. So, once again, we got out our For Sale by Owner sign and, I remember the day we put it on the lot I was totally excited and thinking to myself, OK, God, lets see what you can do with this one! You sold my house in a couple of days - I cant wait to see what you do with this! The lot was sold within the week! And they found someone to rent our apartment right away so we got out of our lease without having to pay anything extra. Things just seemed to keep falling into place.

So in early Spring of 2000, we moved into our new home and Tom was extremely busy with all of his remodeling projects. I remember my parents came up a lot to help him which was really nice because they were spending a lot of extra time together. Our anniversary came along in April and, one night, we were in Zachs new bedroom putting up the window shades. I was helping Tom, and he asked me to get a nail out of this paper sack that was sitting on the dresser. I reached in for a nail and, to my surprise, pulled out a small jewelry box with diamond earrings in it. Not to be outdone, I planned a surprise weekend getaway to Chicago for the following month. Of course, I ended up ruining the surprise and accidentally let it leak out that we were going. Tom, who had not flown on a plane nor been anywhere too far from Nebraska his whole life, and being the worrier that he was, got a little stressed about the trip. What if the plane wrecks? Its going to be too crowded. All of his worries were for nothing, though, and we had an absolutely wonderful time in Chicago together that May. We had been going to a church in Blair for several years, but my parents went to Westside Church in Omaha. That spring, we began visiting Westside and discovered the presence of God in a way we were not used to . . . in the worship music and the messages. Each time we visited, we were fed and left convicted and changed. Since the kids had grown up going to the church in Blair and all of their friends were still going there, they wanted to keep going to church in Blair, so we kept going back and forth for a while. Finally, one day, Tom said to me, Kim, we have got to figure this church thing out. If something were to happen to me, I wouldnt have a church home to have my funeral. After thinking to myself that was a really random thought, I also told him that I felt God was leading us to Westside for some reason and that we should step out of our comfort zone and follow him. So, at that point, we began going to Westside on a regular basis. I also started attending a womens bible study which was led by a woman named Robin Kurylo called Joy in the Morning. The study brought me a lot closer to God. I remember one day her saying that our life should be like a blank sheet of paper that we sign at the bottom and give to God to do with whatever he wants. I remember praying throughout the bible study that God would work in my life and that He would do whatever He needed to do to put me where he wanted me to be. At some point, Robin came to a church in Blair for a retreat one Saturday morning. I attended the retreat and, afterward, I wanted to go and talk to Robin just to let her know how much her bible study had impacted my relationship with God. I remember walking up to her and starting to talk to her . . . and then starting to cry. I didnt know why I was crying, I just couldnt help it. And I remember her

touching my arm and saying Theres just something about you . . . I dont think either of us had any idea what that moment meant at the time, but I now know that God was involved in our meeting. The previous Christmas, we didnt know what to get my dad - he was 80 years old at the time, although he didnt seem that old, and he pretty much had everything he ever wanted or needed. When I was a little girl, we used to take family vacations to Long Pine, Nebraska. We always stayed at the same cabins each time we went, and there was a creek that ran through the property that we would tube on. So, for Christmas, we decided to book a few days in one of those cabins for my parents to get away from it all - the only catch was that they had to take us along with them. We booked this getaway for July, but my dad insisted that the insects would be too thick and it would be way too hot to enjoy ourselves that time of year, so we rescheduled our trip for the end of September. My parents, our family, and Toms brother and his family all headed out for a long weekend in Long Pine. When we arrived, we found out that we were staying in the pump house and not one of the cabins that we had stayed in when we were young. This was a good thing because it was a lot bigger than the cabins, but it was also a bad thing because it was a lot more rustic than what us girls were used to or were expecting. I remember I promised my mom and sister-in-law a weekend of shopping for having to put up with the crude accommodations. Despite this, we all had a wonderful time and, even though the water was freezing this time of year, we did manage to go on a tubing expedition. Even my mother went tubing with us (dad opted to go in the water with his waders on for fishing purposes only) and we put her on the biggest, safest tube they had - although I think it ended up with a hole in it and we made it back just before she would have sunk it. All in all, it was a wonderful time spent with our family. A lesson for everyone to learn - take time out of your busy schedules to enjoy those who are important to you for you never know how long they will be here for you to enjoy. Every year since Tom had been working for Good Shepherd, they would have an employee party in the Fall - there was always a hayrack ride and a bonfire. That year, since we now lived on the acreage, Tom wanted to have the party at our place. We had two barns, a big one and a little one. Tom had decided that he wanted to clean out the little barn and make it into a spooked barn for the party. Not long after we got back from our vacation at Long Pine, there was a week when Tom got a little stressed which caused him to have high blood pressure, so he wasnt feeling all that well. I woke up that Sunday morning and he was outside working on something. I
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remember it being a beautiful morning and the view of the fields and hills just added to the beauty. I took him a cup of coffee and suggested that perhaps we needed to slow down and learn to enjoy our new place a little more, and he whole-heartedly agreed. That afternoon we began the process of cleaning out the barn. I was even out there helping him (which didnt happen too often). We had shovels and rakes and were pitching everything into the back of this old grain truck that he just had to buy when we first moved out to the country. By the time we were done, we were absolutely filthy . . . but we had had a wonderful, fun time together that day and the stress of the previous week seemed to melt away. The following Monday night, our family went to the Pumpkin Patch together which was kind of a tradition. Then on Tuesday night, I had a class to go to, and Tom spent the evening with the kids - playing outside together. The following day, Wednesday, October 18, 2000, was the day that God changed our lives forever. By all appearances, it seemed to be a normal, every day, routine morning. I remember I was getting ready for work in the bathroom, and Tom came in to tell me goodbye. We talked about nothing for a little while, he kissed me, told me goodbye, and touched my hand as he walked out of the bathroom. Its funny how we take all of those little things for granted - like its guaranteed somewhere that he will be there every morning with me to do those same things over and over again. I dropped the kids off at school, as usual. I remember that six months earlier (perhaps to the day), a girl in Alyssas class had lost her mom - she had an aneurysm while watching her daughter at a track meet and died. The day after she died, when I was taking my kids to school, we were talking about that family and I said to them how weird it was that we were just going about our normal business as usual, and we had no idea of what they were feeling or what they were going through. Now, six months later, we would know. My day at work was a little unusual - Tom called me around 10:00 to ask about a meeting that night for Zachs basketball club - my mother stopped by to visit me, which didnt happen often because she lived in Omaha. She had been in town for a dentist appointment that day. Our office was located right on main street, and my desk was up front. Looking back, I remember while my mother and I were talking, there was a sheriffs car that buzzed by with its lights and sirens on. She left and, a while later, the girls in the office came up and told me the pizza they had ordered for lunch was here - back on the conference room table. One of the attorneys that I worked for, Ed Talbot (or Tal for short) was the full-time County Attorney and then had a private practice on the side - which is where I worked for him. The phone rang, and it was Mike from the sheriffs office, calling for

Tal. I buzzed him and told him about the phone call. A few minutes later, someone from the funeral home came in and needed to talk with Tal, so I got up to go and tell him. I glanced at the clock and it was almost noon. I walked into his office, and he was just getting off the phone. He told me to come in, close the door, and sit down. He said This is bad...theres been an accident, and Tom has been killed. I remember just sitting there, looking at him and saying My Tom? He said, again, that there had been an accident and something about a farm truck. I asked him, You mean his red work truck, because he was at work? Then, I will never forget him saying, Hold on, and he called the sheriffs office back to verify everything. As I was sitting there listening to him, I heard him say the name of the guy who worked for my husband (Joe), and that was when it hit me that it was really real - that he was gone. I didnt go into hysterics and I may not have even cried very much at that point - I think that I just went into shock. I wasnt sure what to do but I remember asking Tal to pray with me, and he came around the desk and knelt beside me and we prayed for Gods help. Toms morning had been a busy one. Around 10:30, after he had called me, he and Joe had gone out to our place - they were going to take the garbage from the barn that was in the old grain truck and dump it in a big ravine out at Joes house. Tom had worked on the brakes on that old truck for about 45 minutes, had went in the house to grab a Pepsi, and then left - he was driving the grain truck and Joe was following in the work truck. Somewhere along the way (to this day I dont know the exact location - nor do I ever want to know), he lost the brakes. He was coming down a slight hill, and he didnt want to hit anyone, so he drove into the ditch. Im sure he felt some panic, but I believe he thought that he would just jump out and everything would be OK. Unfortunately, something (his belt loop perhaps) got caught somewhere, and the truck ran over his head. Fortunately, he knew the Lord as his Savior and although he was absent from the body at that moment, he was present with the Lord. The next step for me was to call my parents. This is where Gods infinite wisdom and plans for my life were starting to be made clear to me. To my rescue that morning came my father, who was 81 years old - who didnt think he would live long enough to see me get married or have children but whom God knew I would need at that moment in my life. Also there was my stepmother who had experienced the exact same loss years earlier
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and who would be my rock, my sounding board, and my advisor in the days, weeks, and months to come. They walked in and we got on our knees and prayed, again, for Gods comfort and strength. The next steps were the hardest steps I have ever had to take - I had to go and tell my children that their dad, whom they loved so much, was gone. I am so thankful that God and my parents were with me during each step I took, because I know for certain that I could not have done it on my own power. Alyssa took the news quietly, in shock, Im certain, and I remember wanting to just pull her to me and hold her. Zach, on the other hand, started sobbing immediately in the hallway where we told him. To this day, it breaks my heart to remember that day. I remember sitting in the back of my parents car, driving out to our house, thinking to myself What are we going to do? Are we just going to go home and sit there? Whats the point? He wont be there - he wont ever be there! Its hard to put into words how hard it is when your whole life changes in an instant - when that one thing that you think will never happen to you actually happens. That day I could not think of the past, I could not think of the accident - my mind couldnt even go there - and I could not think of the future. All I could do was put my trust in God, and He helped me to put one foot in front of the other and just take one step at a time. When we got to our house, my mom started to call family and friends and I tried to be there for my children. Both Alyssa and Zach had also been saved at an early age, and it was amazing to see their faith in action and a blessing to see God at work in their lives. In the midst of her sorrow, I remember Alyssa saying Maybe God needs dad more than we do, Maybe Jesus is coming back sooner than we think, and he will use this to bring people to Him. Zach said, He is in a better place and well see him again. People began coming out to the house, and we were put on prayer chains at three of the biggest churches in Omaha (not to mention the many prayers of family and friends). I can tell you for a fact that God is real, and that He answers prayer, because I could absolutely feel it. I was so covered in prayer and in Gods presence that I was certain if I just touched someones arm, they, too, would be able to feel that power. I felt a calmness in the midst of the worst storm of my life, and God immediately gave me several truths: 1. Just like with my mother, God knew the moment that Tom was born the exact moment he would die. What had happened WAS NOT an accident - it was a part of Gods plan for our lives. Alyssa also made a comment once

that if God didnt want dad to die, he wouldnt have got caught. Out of the mouth of babes . . . it was the truth. No one shocked God that day by saying Did you hear what happened to Tom Tierney today? Well, let me tell you about it. It wasnt a surprise to Him - it was planned by Him. Realizing that, I felt no anger nor did I question God. 2. I was thankful that no matter what my husband went through on that road on that October morning in 2000, my Almighty God was right there with him, comforting him in a way that my human mind can not fathom. 3. I do not know what is harder . . . to lose your loved one suddenly the way we lost Tom, without the opportunity to tell them how much you love them or to say goodbye, or to know that a loved one is going to die and to have to somehow prepare for that. I do know that God showed me some blessings in Toms sudden death. That he did not have time to feel the fear of leaving his family. That he wasnt critically injured or paralyzed or lying in the hospital in a coma. That where he was ~ was a much better place. 4. We were always prepared to die - we knew where we would spend eternity because of our salvation through Jesus. Obviously, however, we did not want to leave our family. When the accident happened, I believe Tom thought Crap - no brakes - Ill jump. I dont think he had time for Im going to die - Kim . . . Alyssa . . . Zach. God gave me a blessing in that I believe Tom did not have time for that fear. 5. I was somehow thankful that Tom was where he was (at peace with Jesus) and that I was the one left here to deal with the sorrow. I dont know how well he would have handled it had the situation been reversed. Would his grief have been too much for him to handle? Would he have been able to be there for the kids? I had prayed on the way home that God would help me through the really hard, tough times when they hit - to let me get out only what needed to be let out at that moment - and that He would then take it away so I could do what I had to do and He could help me deal with it later. As people came to the house, I was strong for the most part and was sharing these comforts that God had given to me. I remember thinking to myself. . . I dont even know if they believe in God . . . but that didnt stop me from sharing. Later on that night, I was having a moment and needed to get away from everyone, so I went out on the patio. My brother came out after me and
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gave me hug. I started crying and asking What am I going to do without him? After several minutes, my tears just immediately dried up - just disappeared - and I couldnt have cried if I tried my hardest. It was such a weird thing how quickly my anguish in that moment disappeared, and I remember saying something to my brother about it. It wasnt until later that I realized that was just God answering my prayer from earlier in the day. You see, God answers our prayers when we cry out to Him in faith. We decided that the funeral was not going to be until Monday - which seemed like a long time to wait since Tom died on Wednesday. However, I would discover that this, too, was all part of Gods plan. I really wanted to have the funeral service at Westside, however, I wasnt sure if they would do it since we werent members of the church. My mother made the initial call to the church to find out and came back and told me that we could have the funeral there, but that Pastor Tony (the lead pastor) was out of town, so Pastor Mitch (the college and singles pastor) would be performing the funeral, and that he would be giving me a call. I then told my mom that I just wanted to have the luncheon following the funeral at our house, since everyone would be driving back to Blair for the burial. She kept trying to talk me out of that, but I kept saying that was what I wanted to do. She finally convinced me to call our old church in Blair to ask them if we could have the luncheon there. I finally agreed to call them, and they gladly offered to let us have the luncheon at their church. Do you remember Toms random thought about having no church for his funeral? Not so random now that I look back on it. And look at Gods answer to his dilemma - He decided to use BOTH of them!! Sometime during my life with Tom, I remember having the thought that, if anything ever happened to him, I would want to use his funeral as a way of getting the message of salvation through Jesus to his family. When Pastor Mitch called, I thanked him for doing the funeral for us, and I remember him telling me Well, Im the college/singles pastor, so I have performed a lot of weddings, but I have to be honest and tell you that I havent done too many funerals. I told him, Thats ok. Heres what I want the message to be from Tom Im in heaven and it is an amazing and awesome place - you can be here with me too someday - but only if you choose to believe in Jesus. . I also remember asking him, This wont be too much for you, will it? to which he responded I dont think so . . .Ill see what I can do. On Friday morning, I went in to town for the first time. I was driving into town in Toms big, green Jeep - one that we had just purchased for him three weeks before he died. I think it was my first time away, all by myself. I was listening to a CD and crying out loud the whole way into town. I

stopped by the bank to take care of some business and, as I was sitting there, discussing things with the woman at the bank, she informed me that when we purchased the Jeep, we signed papers to get the insurance on it. You know, the kind that pays off the loan if anything happens to us. Now, Tom and I had bought SEVERAL vehicles in our fifteen years together and EVERY time it came to that insurance - we NEVER got it . . . until now. I asked her why we got it this time, and she replied that Tom had just called her up the day before we signed the papers and asked her to get us that insurance. So, the bottom line was . . . the jeep that we had just purchased three weeks ago for $13,000.00 was paid in full for the price of one months premium in the amount of $78.00. I can honestly say I just had to sit there in amazement at what God had provided for me. That Friday afternoon, family and friends went into Westside Church to meet with Pastor Mitch to go over the funeral arrangements and to give him some idea of who Tom was. We went to church at Westside, but it was a really big church, and we had never had the opportunity to meet Pastor Mitch personally. It is true that God uses time to help heal us. That first day I couldnt even have a thought of Tom - I couldnt even look at a picture of him. Its like my mind knew I couldnt handle it. I couldnt eat because everything, no matter what it was, tasted like sand paper in my mouth. But, as the days came and went, I began to cherish memories of my life with Tom, and it was a time of healing to share those memories with friends, family and Pastor Mitch. At our meeting with Mitch we talked about the music to be played at the funeral. At the time, I couldnt really think of anything special I wanted played. I told Mitch that one of the things we loved the most about Westside was the worship and praise singing on Sunday mornings, but we decided that there would be no congregational singing. Someone requested Amazing Grace, and my mother suggested If You Could See Me Now, so we decided to have soloists sing those two songs. Some time after the meeting, Mitch called me at home and mentioned that we had decided on no congregational singing. I said, yeah, I guess so. Then he said Well, you said you loved the music on Sunday mornings, so Im thinking about having a praise band there. Im thinking drums and a guitar. I have to admit I got chills when he said that, and I said What a great idea! He told me the songs that he had picked out and, although, I couldnt think of how they sounded or what they said at the time, I was actually somehow excited about the music for my husbands funeral . . . but that was just the beginning.
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The next day, a friend of mine called and reminded me of another song -several months ago, we were sitting at church with my parents at Westside, and Pastor Mitch sang a song with the choir - it was a song about being in heaven, seeing your loved ones there, but crying out I want to see Jesus, for hes the one who died for me. Anyway, when Mitch and the choir were singing that part of the song at church that day, the whole church was on their feet clapping and cheering - it was so powerful that no one could just sit through it. We had bought a tape of the service that day just for the song, and we had listened to it several times in our car since then. I remember listening to it in the car and when it came to that part in the song, we would still get goose bumps every time and comment on how awesome it was. Well, that did it - even though the funeral programs were already printed by that time - I had to have that song included. So I called up Pastor Mitch and reminded him of that song. I told him that I had already asked a lot of him and I knew that I couldnt expect the entire choir to show up at the funeral to sing the song with him, but if there was any way - perhaps a tape recording or something - that we could fit it into the funeral, I wanted to do it. He, once again, said he would see what he could do. I had made up my mind that I did not want to go to the mortuary and see Tom - simply put . . . I did not want to see him dead. For several days, my wise mother kept telling me that I needed to see him and that if I didnt, I would come to regret it as I would not have the opportunity to see him EVER again if I waited too long and it would then be too late. So, finally, on Saturday, I went to the mortuary. When I saw him, God gave me another blessing . . . that wasnt really Tom laying there, at least, he didnt look like the Tom I knew and loved. You see, his spirit was gone - that was what made him alive and made him who he was. What was left was the vessel that had been blessed enough to carry that spirit here on earth. Somehow, seeing that made it easier for me to leave him there and bury him a few days later. Sunday morning came, and it was time to go to church. There were several family members and friends who came to church with me that Sunday, but as I walked in and sat down, my thought was - how weird it is to be here without my husband. Pastor Tony was out of town, so Pastor Jim was going to preach that morning. Did God ever have something in store for me! Pastor Jims sermon was on . . . you guessed it - pain and suffering: Why does God give me pain and suffering?

To draw me closer to him; To mold me and grow me into the person He wants me to be. Why doesnt God take it away? Because he says My grace is sufficient for you today If I keep my focus on eternity - WHATEVER I suffer here on earth does not compare with what awaits me in eternity. Like the song says Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, In the light of His glory and grace. If I focus on God and not on myself - it will make me a BETTER person, not a BITTER person (take out the I for me and replace it with an Efor eternity). These are exactly the words I needed to hear that Sunday morning. I was taking notes faster than he could say the words, and I was poking people around me, shaking my head and agreeing with him. That evening, as I was talking to one of Toms friends, he was expressing a lot of anger over Toms death. I got out my notes from that morning, and I was sharing them with him. At the end of our conversation, I will never forget what he said OK, maybe if one person can find God and come to know Him through Toms death - maybe - then Ill be ok with it. One person? We should never put a limit on God for, as we would soon see, His plans are much grander than ours! My parents had been staying with us since Toms death, so they were sleeping in our bedroom, and I had been sleeping out on the couch. Monday morning came, and I had set my alarm for 6:00 because I wanted to wake up early and spend some time with God. I ended up waking up 10 minutes before my alarm went off and I went to the Lord in prayer, asking Him to help me through this day as it was going to be the hardest day of my life. God immediately answered me and said that this was NOT the hardest day of my life. The hardest day of my life was the day that Tom died for that was the day that he left me. God told me that today was a day of celebration. I can honestly say that God set the tone for my day for me right then, and that the Holy Spirit began to come alive in me. As I was getting ready for the funeral, I remembered the words of the praise songs
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that were going to be sung at the funeral, and they kept running through my mind. When we got to the church, I was standing in the foyer talking to some relatives from out of town when I heard Pastor Mitch singing. And he wasnt just singing any song - he was singing MY song. I kept thinking to myself, Hes going to sing my song - no tape - my song - hes singing it in person. Then I thought to myself, Please stop right now - I dont want anyone to hear it until the funeral. This knowledge only fueled the fire that the Holy Spirit had started in me at the house. We then went down to the room and sat with the family. Mitch came in and I told him about my prayer time with the Lord that morning and how God said that today was not a sad day but a day of celebration. Mitch then said to me Well, it sure doesnt look like a funeral in there. (More fuel for the fire). Then, in came Pastor Jim, who had preached on Sunday morning. He came over to talk to me and I said to him, Thank you so much for your sermon yesterday. I know that you didnt plan that for me, but that was exactly what I needed to hear. He said to me Well, I was going to preach about something else, but I kept telling the guys - God just keeps bringing me back to this subject. When he told me that had been happening for the past three weeks, I was struck with utter amazement because my eyes had just been opened up to what God HAD BEEN preparing for me - Jim wanted to preach about something else for three weeks, but God kept bringing him back to the words that I needed to hear that day - WOW! In that moment I also knew that we HAD been called to Westside for a reason. It was part of Gods plan - I just wasnt aware of the full extent of His plan yet. It was then time to walk down to the sanctuary. After the words God gave me first thing that morning, hearing Mitch singing my song, and then hearing what Pastor Jim had to say - I was literally tingling from the presence of the Holy Spirit. I was actually excited for the funeral to start - I didnt know exactly why I felt that way - I just felt it. I remember saying to Mitch as we were walking toward the sanctuary that I shouldnt be walking into my husbands funeral with a smile on my face. He replied that I could do whatever I needed to do. As I walked in, I was amazed at how many people were there - the church, which was a big church, was almost full. I thought to myself that Tom would NEVER believe that there were this many people at his funeral. His mouth would be hanging wide open at the sight! As we sat down, I noticed something floating in the air in the front of the church out the corner of my

eye and then Mitch started the funeral. The praise band was there with drums and guitar, and the congregation stood and sang the praise songs My life is in you Lord, my hope is in you Lord, my strength is in you Lord its in you, its in you and Knowing you, Jesus, knowing you . . . youre my all, youre the best, youre my joy, my righteousness, and I love you Lord. Then my brother and Toms brother got up and talked about Tom - what an awesome person he was!! Mitch then gave the message, comparing Tom to a man in the bible who was a humble, quiet servant of the Lord - which Tom truly was. That he was in heaven now with his Father. He asked that, if this happened to you, where would you be? Would you be there in heaven with him or not? The choice is yours - to believe in Jesus death for your salvation and to ask him to become Lord of your life, and he gave everyone the opportunity to pray that prayer of salvation. AND HE SANG THE SONG - and when he got to our favorite part of the song, I really wanted to stand up and clap and cheer. So many times throughout the service, I wanted to lift my hands in worship - Gods presence was so real during the entire thing - it was absolutely amazing. Its hard to put into words - but anyone who was there will tell you the same thing. The funeral ended with a song I had picked out by the Darins - an upbeat song that said:

This life can turn on a dime, Without a reason or rhyme, My dreams are shattered. Thats when I find once again, That the beauty of Your plan Is all that matters. Theres nothing else I can do Just whisper Your name. Call on His mercy That proves once again My strength is only as strong As my faith in You - my faith in You
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And my life is built upon My faith in you - my faith in you. Some days I dont want to try. Some days are filled with whys, They leave me speechless. Those days I crawl back in bed, Cover up my head, And call on Jesus. When words arent enough To voice the hurt in my soul, I just fall on the trust That wont let me go. My strength is only as strong As my faith in You - my faith in You And my life is built upon My faith in you - my faith in you. The words to that song spoke my thoughts and feelings perfectly and I wanted to share it with others. After the funeral I remember sitting in the car with my parents and the kids. As some of my friends walked by they wore big smiles on their faces or their mouths were wide open, as if in awe . . . one even gave me the thumbs up sign! We drove to Blair for the burial. It had been a cloudy day all day - until we were sitting at the grave side, and the sun came out at that moment and shined down on us! Afterward when I was walking back to the car, my sister-in-law came up to me and asked, Did you see the feather? I replied, What feather? She said, There was feather - a white feather that floated down before the service started. It floated down at the front of the church between you guys and Toms casket. A lot of people saw it. I thought for a moment and remembered seeing something out of the corner of my eye . . . but I had no idea it was a feather. I told her that, and she told me, I have it. She had gone up after the funeral and picked up the white feather and wrapped it in a Kleenex wrapper, and she handed it to me then. A white feather . . . in a church . . . in Omaha, Nebraska . . . floating down for many to see. Not a feather from Toms wing, as someone later told me a feather from God, declaring that this day had been ordained from the beginning of time, that it had been planned by Him, that His Spirit was in that place . . . as if to say Let it begin.

Once we arrived at the church for the luncheon, many people came up to me saying things like: Wow, I have never been to a funeral like that.; I thought I was going to funeral, but I feel like I have been to a revival.; I was sitting on my hands because I just wanted to stand up and praise the Lord.; I had five of Alyssas friends in the car with me and I asked them if any of them prayed the prayer of salvation. They all said they did and I had the drive from Omaha to Blair to talk to them about what that meant.; I saw the feather - did you see the feather? It was floating down right in the light for everyone to see. The comments went on and on. See, I thought I could use Toms funeral to reach his family and tell them about Gods good news! Toms best friend was hoping for at least one person to find God through Toms death. But God knew better than both of us - he knew Tom better than we did. He had MUCH bigger plans than ours. Afterward, when we were back at the house, I was exhausted - physically and emotionally. I was sitting inside, when someone came in and asked me to come outside because they wanted to show me something. I didnt want to go, but they persisted, and I finally did. Im glad I did - because what they wanted to show me was a white bird that was perched on the top of our house. It had been sitting there ever since we pulled up, and it seemed to turn and follow whichever direction they walked. This was my sign from God that my family was protected, that we belonged to Him, and that He was and would continue to be present in our lives. First a white feather floating down in church . . . and now a white bird sitting on my house. Two signs from God that He is real, that He is in control, and that He cares! How did I go on living my life without my husband? I became completely dependent upon God. Does that mean it was easy? Does that mean the sadness and loneliness didnt almost overwhelm me? No. It means that in my darkest moments, when it was just me and my God, when all I could do is cry out to Him . . . He would hear me and He would comfort me like no one else could do. It means that He continued to reveal Himself to me, to provide for me and to bless me. I was in the most horrible place without my husband, but I was also in the most amazing place with my God. I continued to hear stories of people who, for some reason, happened to be at the funeral. . . they were in one of my bible studies, they worked with one of Toms brothers . . . whose lives had been forever changed. Some found salvation; some found a closer walk with the Lord. Even a couple of years
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after the funeral, as I was sharing my testimony with a friend at a Wendys restaurant in Omaha after church one Sunday night, the young waitress came up and said she had overheard me talking. She asked if I was talking about the funeral at Westside a few years ago. I said yes and she said she had been there because her mother had been a leader at one of the bible studies I had attended. She told us how different that funeral was compared to any she had ever been to and how much it had affected her. One day I was having an extremely bad day - I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I was at work and I went into an office and starting crying and pacing and praying. After awhile, God gently told me Enough is enough now go get your kids from school and go home. So, I went and picked up the kids and went home. In my mailbox that day was a card from my sisterin-laws mother, saying what a beautiful service it had been for Tom. She told me that when the pastor asked us to pray and ask the Lord to come into our lives, she did, and that she felt such peace now. She wanted to thank me for my part in that. And I thanked God for giving me the gift of that card on such a bad day. I keep this card in my bible to this day as a reminder of Gods provision and love. Even though my children were extremely brave and their faith was evident during this time, they had many moments like I did - a deep sadness for the loss of their Dad and his presence in their life. I remember Zach laying in bed the night his dad died, crying and asking Who will practice baseball with me? and Whos going to watch me play basketball? I also remember Alyssa telling me I would take his place. and I just want to see him again, at least one more time so I can give him a hug and tell him goodbye. There are no adequate words to say to your children at times like those, and I think that they were the hardest moments for me. I would do my best to comfort them, and, when that didnt work, I turned them over to God in prayer and asked Him to comfort them and to fill the void left in their lives with His love and presence. Even to this day, it breaks my heart when I think about how different their lives have been and what they have missed out on without their dad in their lives. I truly believe with all my heart, though, that my husbands death was part of Gods plan, and in that plan He did not and will not forget my children. As parents, we may often feel like we fail our children, especially when we are left alone to try and be both parents for them. So we must remember that they belong to God, that He is bigger than any mistake we may make as a parent, and that He will love them, take care of them, and continue His work in their lives. I trust that He also has amazing plans for my children and pray that their faith will be as strong when they are older as it was when they were young and lost the most important person in their life.

The Thursday after Tom died, a friend had told me that Robin Kurylo had prayed for me that morning at her Joy in the Morning bible study. I remember making the comment that that was like Moses praying for me because Robin has such a close relationship with the Lord. The friend laughed and told me Robin would be upset with me for saying that because she has such a humble spirit. The Thursday after Toms funeral, I went back to Joy in the Morning, and Robin came up to me and hugged me. She told me that she had been to many funerals, some of prominent men at Westside Church, but that she had NEVER been to a funeral where Gods presence was so evident. She was literally moaning quietly as she sat at his funeral because of the Lords presence there. She also told me that God had told her to make time during her message that morning for me to speak to the women - to give my testimony, and she asked me what I thought. I told her I wasnt sure, and she said that she would let me know when the time came, and I could decide what I wanted to do. When the time came, how could I not respond to God and share with them the events of the past week. God had given me a testimony of His power and presence, and that became the first of several opportunities he provided for me to share it. A few weeks later, I was going to get baptized at church. I was baptized by sprinkling of water on my head when I was a little girl, in the presence of only my family. Since baptism is a way for me to show others of my belief in God and his Son, Jesus, I decided that I wanted to be baptized by submersion in front of the church. That morning I left my Sunday school class to go out to my Jeep to get my clothes for the baptism. Who should I run into in the hall? Robin, of course. She asked me what I was doing, and I told her. She then got an amazed expression on her face and said that she NEVER left her Sunday school class but that morning God kept telling her to get up and go. When she did, she ran into me. And she continued to stay with me as I prepared for the baptism and she said the most beautiful prayer with me right before I was baptized. I made a comment about Tom not being there with me, and Ill never forget her words Honey, Tom has the best seat in the house. Hes watching you with Jesus. Now, do you remember that day back in Blair when I went to talk to her, and I started crying, and she said, Theres just something about you.? That was definitely God working in the details of my life once again. After several months, I was experiencing the worst of the worst, and I was having a really hard time. I remember going to God one night and praying for His help - please send me a message from somewhere - give me a verse
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to comfort me . . . anything, please! Once again, I was thinking small when he was thinking big. See, He knew that I loved to share my testimony with others over coffee or lunch, and that it gave me such a high to tell others of what He had done in my life. So, a couple of days later, I received a phone call from Pastor Mitch, asking if I would want to give my testimony at the New Years Eve service at Westside Church. Once again, I was amazed at God - why had He chosen me? I used to just sit up in the balcony at church every Sunday and now He had worked in my life in such an awesome way to give me a testimony that I could share with the church and community on New Years Eve. I know now that it was His preparation in my life that led me to that moment; that He had always been in control of everything; and that to be used for His glory is the most amazing thing we can experience in this life. A short time after that, he brought another blessing into my life. Just as he had provided another wonderful mother for me many years before, he now provided another wonderful man who would become my husband. I had met and got to know Ken Vopnford years earlier when I was working for an attorney in Blair who was the corporate attorney for Kens company. We were both married at the time our paths crossed the first time. However, a month to the day after Tom passed away, his wife told him she wanted a divorce, and, at the same time, we both found ourselves alone. So, when our paths crossed the second time, we were both going through a very difficult time in our lives. Renewing our friendship, getting to know each other better, and then falling in love again was definitely a gift from God to both of us. These are just some examples of how God provided blessings for me right when I needed them the most. Looking back over my life and seeing Gods work and His plans being fulfilled has made me stand in awe of Him. To realize that He cares enough about us that He takes time to plan something special for us is hard to comprehend. That the God of all creation, the God of Abraham and Moses, the God who is in charge of all things . . . LOVES us and wants to be present in our lives . . . that He has plans for us . . . that amazes and astounds me. You need to know that God does not have plans just for my life - He has plans for your life also. Just as He was involved in the details of my life, He is also involved in the details of your life whether you know it or see it He is right there for you too. Our lives are full of unexpected things - at least they seem unexpected to us. But they ARE NOT unexpected to God. We do not know what will happen to us within the next 24 hours, let alone the next hour - but God knows all, plans all, and provides all. He is the

author of our life, from beginning to end. He is our Rock, our Comforter, our Provider and our Prince of Peace. What about you? If you are experiencing a difficult time in your life right now, is your hope and strength found in Him or are you just trying to get through it on your own? Are you allowing Him to carry you and comfort you? Or are you turning your back on Him and rejecting Him? If everything is going your way and life is great - do you have a relationship with God? Or are you just living your life without Him? You need to understand that nothing matters without Him. This all will pass away, and what will you be left with in the end? If you want an abundant life here and now - turn your life over to Him. No matter what is happening in your life right now - good or bad - are you looking at the big, eternal picture or just focusing on the small, earthly one? Knowing Gods eternal purpose for us will help us through this life. It will help us get through the hard times and it will help us make the right choices in the good times. If God were to take your life this day, do you have the assurance and the confidence that He will be there with you in that moment? That you will be allowed to spend eternity WITH Him instead of SEPARATED from Him? If not, this is the time to be sure. This is the moment to accept His free gift of salvation through His Son, Jesus, and to turn your life over to Him. He has amazing things planned for you, but He will not force Himself upon you you must choose Him. He not only wants your heart, but the God of creation, who is in control of all things, wants to have a personal, daily, moment-by-moment relationship with you. He is involved and working in your life right now - drawing you to Him, whether you are aware of it or not. He has so many blessings He wants to bestow on you, not only in heaven, but also here and now, if you will only be willing to open up yourself to Him and His love and presence in your life. His love for you is immeasurable, and He is aching to shower it on you every day in so many ways. The choice is yours - to accept all that He has to offer and live an abundant life here on earth and with Him forever in heaven . . . or to reject Him and live an empty life that will lead you to hell. I challenge you to accept Him before its too late, because, as I have learned, we are not always
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guaranteed a tomorrow.

KIM VOPNFORD MARCH 2008