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6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person 6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better

Person By: David Wong December 17, 2012 6,548,434 views Add to Favorites 2013, motherfuckers. Yeah! LET'S DO THIS. "Do what?" you ask. I DON'T KNOW. LET'S FIGURE THAT OUT TOGETHER, MOTHERFUCKERS. Feel free to stop reading this if your career is going great, you're thrilled with your life and you're happy with your relationships. Enjoy the rest of your day, friend, this article is not for you. You're doing a great job, we're all proud of you. So you don't feel like you wasted your click, here's a picture of Lenny Kravitz wearing a gigantic scarf. Via Upscalehype.com For the rest of you, I want you to try something: Name five impressive things about yourself. Write them down or just shout them out loud to the room. But here's the catch -- you're not allowed to list anything you are (i.e., I'm a nice guy, I'm honest), but instead can only list things that you do (i.e., I just won a national chess tournament, I make the best chili in Massachusetts). If you found that difficult, well, this is for you, and you are going to fucking hate hearing it. My only defense is that this is what I wish somebody had said to me around 1995 or so.

6. The World Only Cares About What It Can Get from You
Getty Let's say that the person you love the most has just been shot. He or she is lying in the street, bleeding and screaming. A guy rushes up and says, "Step aside." He looks over your loved one's bullet wound and pulls out a pocket knife -- he's going to operate right there in the street. Getty "OK, which one is the injured one?" You ask, "Are you a doctor?" The guy says, "No." You say, "But you know what you're doing, right? You're an old Army medic, or ..." At this point the guy becomes annoyed. He tells you that he is a nice guy, he is honest, he is always on time. He tells you that he is a great son to his mother and has a rich life full of fulfilling hobbies, and he boasts that he never uses foul language. Confused, you say, "How does any of that fucking matter when my (wife/husband/best friend/parent) is lying here bleeding! I need somebody who knows how to operate on bullet wounds! Can you do that or not?!?" Now the man becomes agitated -- why are you being shallow and selfish? Do you not care about any of his other good qualities? Didn't you just hear him say that he always remembers his girlfriend's birthday? In light of all of the good things he does, does it really matter if he knows how to perform surgery? In that panicked moment, you will take your bloody hands and shake him by the shoulders, screaming, "Yes, I'm saying that none of that other shit matters, because in this specific situation, I just need somebody who can stop the bleeding, you crazy fucking asshole." Getty "I don't get it. Would it help if I put on a lab jacket? Here, one sec, let me just ..." So here is my terrible truth about the adult world: You are in that very situation every single day. Only you are the confused guy with the pocket knife. All of society is the bleeding gunshot victim. If you want to know why society seems to shun you, or why you seem to get no respect, it's because society is full of people who need things. They need houses built, they need food to eat, they need entertainment, they need fulfilling sexual relationships. You arrived at the scene of that emergency, holding your pocket knife, by virtue of your birth -- the moment you came into the world, you became part

of a system designed purely to see to people's needs. Getty "Here's that shit you needed. Now fuck off." Either you will go about the task of seeing to those needs by learning a unique set of skills, or the world will reject you, no matter how kind, giving and polite you are. You will be poor, you will be alone, you will be left out in the cold. Does that seem mean, or crass, or materialistic? What about love and kindness -- don't those things matter? Of course. As long as they result in you doing things for people that they can't get elsewhere. For you see ...

5. The Hippies Were Wrong

Getty Here is the greatest scene in the history of movies (WARNING: EXTREME NSFW LANGUAGE): For those of you who can't watch videos, it's the famous speech Alec Baldwin gives in the cinematic masterpiece Glengarry Glenn Ross. Baldwin's character -- whom you assume is the villain -- addresses a room full of dudes and tears them a new asshole, telling them that they're all about to be fired unless they "close" the sales they've been assigned: "Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you! Go home and play with your kids. If you want to work here, close." It's brutal, rude and borderline sociopathic, and also it is an honest and accurate expression of what the world is going to expect from you. The difference is that, in the real world, people consider it so wrong to talk to you that way that they've decided it's better to simply let you keep failing. Getty "First graders, welcome to Mr. Baldwin's third period art class -- is everyone here? Well, I'm goin' anyway." That scene changed my life. I'd program my alarm clock to play it for me every morning if I knew how. Alec Baldwin was nominated for an Oscar for that movie and that's the only scene he's in. As smarter people have pointed out, the genius of that speech is that half of the people who watch it think that the point of the scene is "Wow, what must it be like to have such an asshole boss?" and the other half think, "Fuck yes, let's go out and sell some goddamned real estate!" Or, as the Last Psychiatrist blog put it: "If you were in that room, some of you would understand this as a work, but feed off the energy of the message anyway, welcome the coach's cursing at you, 'this guy is awesome!'; while some of you would take it personally, this guy is a jerk, you have no right to talk to me like that, or -- the standard maneuver when narcissism is confronted with a greater power -- quietly seethe and fantasize about finding information that will out him as a hypocrite. So satisfying." Getty "I swear, if he mentions my hair, I'll slap his face so har- Yes, sir, I'm listening. I'm sorry." That excerpt is from an insightful critique of "hipsters" and why they seem to have so much trouble getting jobs (that doesn't begin to do it justice, go read the whole thing), and the point is that the difference in those two attitudes -- bitter vs. motivated -- largely determines whether or not you'll succeed in the world. For instance, some people want to respond to that speech with Tyler Durden's line from Fight Club: "You are not your job."

But, well, actually, you totally are. Granted, your "job" and your means of employment might not be the same thing, but in both cases you are nothing more than the sum total of your useful skills. For instance, being a good mother is a job that requires a skill. It's something a person can do that is useful to other members of society. But make no mistake: Your "job" -- the useful thing you do for other people -- is all you are. There is a reason why surgeons get more respect than comedy writers. There is a reason mechanics get more respect than unemployed hipsters. There is a reason your job will become your label if your death makes the news ("NFL Linebacker Dies in Murder/Suicide"). Tyler said, "You are not your job," but he also founded and ran a successful soap company and became the head of an international social and political movement. He was totally his job. Getty It was the irony that many people missed from that movie. Or think of it this way: Remember when Chick-fil-A came out against gay marriage? And how despite the protests, the company continues to sell millions of sandwiches every day? It's not because the country agrees with them; it's because they do their job of making delicious sandwiches well. And that's all that matters. You don't have to like it. I don't like it when it rains on my birthday. It rains anyway. Clouds form and precipitation happens. People have needs and thus assign value to the people who meet them. These are simple mechanisms of the universe and they do not respond to our wishes. Getty "This is bullshit. I have a completely clean criminal record, and this is the thanks I get?" If you protest that you're not a shallow capitalist materialist and that you disagree that money is everything, I can only say: Who said anything about money? You're missing the larger point.

4. What You Produce Does Not Have to Make Money, But It Does Have to Benefit People
Getty Let's try a non-money example so you don't get hung up on that. The demographic that Cracked writes for is heavy on 20-something males. So on our message boards and in my many inboxes I read several dozen stories a year from miserable, lonely guys who insist that women won't come near them despite the fact that they are just the nicest guys in the world. I can explain what is wrong with this mindset, but it would probably be better if I let Alec Baldwin explain it: In this case, Baldwin is playing the part of the attractive women in your life. They won't put it as bluntly as he does -- society has trained us not to be this honest with people -- but the equation is the same. "Nice guy? Who gives a shit? If you want to work here, close." So, what do you bring to the table? Because the Zooey Deschanel lookalike in the bookstore that you've been daydreaming about moisturizes her face for an hour every night and feels guilty when she eats anything other than salad for lunch. She's going to be a surgeon in 10 years. What do you do? Getty "Well, I'm fucking wicked at capture the flag." "What, so you're saying that I can't get girls like that unless I have a nice job and make lots of money?" No, your brain jumps to that conclusion so you have an excuse to write off everyone who rejects you by thinking that they're just being shallow and selfish. I'm asking what do you offer? Are you smart? Funny? Interesting? Talented? Ambitious? Creative? OK, now what do you do to demonstrate those attributes to the world? Don't say that you're a nice guy -- that's the bare minimum. Pretty girls have guys being nice to them 36 times a day. The patient is bleeding in the street. Do you know how to operate or not? "Well, I'm not sexist or racist or greedy or shallow or abusive! Not like those other douchebags!" I'm sorry, I know that this is hard to hear, but if all you can do is list a bunch of faults you don't have, then back the fuck away from the patient. There's a witty, handsome guy with a promising career ready to step in and operate. Getty "Wait, I said I wouldn't hit you!" Does that break your heart? OK, so now what? Are you going to mope about it, or are you going to learn how to do surgery? It's up to you, but don't complain about how girls fall for jerks; they fall for those jerks because those jerks have other things they can offer. "But I'm a great listener!" Are you? Because you're willing to sit quietly in exchange for the chance to be in the proximity of a pretty girl (and spend every second imagining how soft her skin must be)? Well guess what, there's another guy in her life who also

knows how to do that, and he can play the guitar. Saying that you're a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn't make you sick. You're like a new movie whose title is This Movie Is in English, and its tagline is "The actors are clearly visible." I think this is why you can be a "nice guy" and still feel terrible about yourself. Specifically ... Read more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-betterperson/#ixzz2K338qOkx end page one...................................... ................................................. ................................................. Page two Home Columnists6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person 6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person By: David Wong December 17, 2012 6,548,434 views Add to Favorites

3. You Hate Yourself Because You Don't Do Anything

Getty "So, what, you're saying that I should pick up a book on how to get girls?" Only if step one in the book is "Start making yourself into the type of person girls want to be around." Getty "Come ooooon. I know I hid some vodka in here somewhere." Because that's the step that gets skipped -- it's always "How can I get a job?" and not "How can I become the type of person employers want?" It's "How can I get pretty girls to like me?" instead of "How can I become the type of person that pretty girls like?" See, because that second one could very well require giving up many of your favorite hobbies and paying more attention to your appearance, and God knows what else. You might even have to change your personality. "But why can't I find someone who just likes me for me?" you ask. The answer is because humans need things. The victim is bleeding, and all you can do is look down and complain that there aren't more gunshot wounds that just fix themselves? Here's another video (NSFW): Everyone who watched that video instantly became a little happier, although not all for the same reasons. Can you do that for people? Why not? What's stopping you from strapping on your proverbial thong and cape and taking to your proverbial stage and flapping your proverbial penis at people? That guy knows the secret to winning at human life: that doing ... whatever you call that ... was better than not doing it. "But I'm not good at anything!" Well, I have good news -- throw enough hours of repetition at it and you can get sort of good at anything. I was the world's shittiest writer when I was an infant. I was only slightly better at 25. But while I was failing miserably at my career, I wrote in my spare time for eight straight years, an article a week, before I ever made real money off it. It took 13 years for me to get good enough to make the New York Times best-seller list. It took me probably 20,000 hours of practice to sand the edges off my sucking. Don't like the prospect of pouring all of that time into a skill? Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that the sheer act of practicing will help you come out of your shell -- I got through years of tedious office work because I knew that I was learning a unique skill on the side. People quit because it takes too long to see results, because they can't figure out that the process is the result. The bad news is that you have no other choice. If you want to work here, close. Because in my non-expert opinion, you don't hate yourself because you have low self-esteem, or because other people were mean to you. You hate yourself because you don't do anything. Not even you can just

"love you for you" -- that's why you're miserable and sending me private messages asking me what I think you should do with your life. Getty Step One: Get up. Do the math: How much of your time is spent consuming things other people made (TV, music, video games, websites) versus making your own? Only one of those adds to your value as a human being. And if you hate hearing this and are responding with something you heard as a kid that sounds like "It's what's on the inside that matters!" then I can only say ...

2. What You Are Inside Only Matters Because of What It Makes You Do
Getty Being in the business I'm in, I know dozens of aspiring writers. They think of themselves as writers, they introduce themselves as writers at parties, they know that deep inside, they have the heart of a writer. The only thing they're missing is that minor final step, where they actually fucking write things. But really, does that matter? Is "writing things" all that important when deciding who is and who is not truly a "writer"? For the love of God, yes. Getty I've known "writers" who produced less content than what's on this woman's grocery list. See, there's a common defense to everything I've said so far, and to every critical voice in your life. It's the thing your ego is saying to you in order to prevent you from having to do the hard work of improving: "I know I'm a good person on the inside." It may also be phrased as "I know who I am" or "I just have to be me." Don't get me wrong; who you are inside is everything -- the guy who built a house for his family from scratch did it because of who he was inside. Every bad thing you've ever done has started with a bad impulse, some thought ricocheting around inside your skull until you had to act on it. And every good thing you've done is the same -- "who you are inside" is the metaphorical dirt from which your fruit grows. Getty Notice how the camera is pointed up, and not at the base of the tree? But here's what everyone needs to know, and what many of you can't accept: "You" are nothing but the fruit. Nobody cares about your dirt. "Who you are inside" is meaningless aside from what it produces for other people. Inside, you have great compassion for poor people. Great. Does that result in you doing anything about it? Do you hear about some terrible tragedy in your community and say, "Oh, those poor children. Let them know that they are in my thoughts"? Because fuck you if so -- find out what they need and help provide it. A hundred million people watched that Kony video, virtually all of whom kept those poor African children "in their thoughts." What did the collective power of those good thoughts provide? Jack fucking shit. Children die every day because millions of us tell ourselves that caring is just as good as doing. It's an internal mechanism controlled by the lazy part of your brain to keep you from actually doing work.

Getty "I just wanted to tell you that you're in my thoughts. Good luck -- let me know if that cured you." How many of you are walking around right now saying, "She/he would love me if she/he only knew what an interesting person I am!" Really? How do all of your interesting thoughts and ideas manifest themselves in the world? What do they cause you to do? If your dream girl or guy had a hidden camera that followed you around for a month, would they be impressed with what they saw? Remember, they can't read your mind -- they can only observe. Would they want to be a part of that life? Because all I'm asking you to do is apply the same standard to yourself that you apply to everyone else. Don't you have that annoying Christian friend whose only offer to help anyone ever is to "pray for them"? Doesn't it drive you nuts? I'm not even commenting on whether or not prayer works; it doesn't change the fact that they chose the one type of help that doesn't require them to get off the sofa. They abstain from every vice, they think clean thoughts, their internal dirt is as pure as can be, but what fruit grows from it? And they should know this better than anybody -- I stole the fruit metaphor from the Bible. Jesus said something to the effect of "a tree is judged by its fruit" over and over and over. Granted, Jesus never said, "If you want to work here, close." No, he said, "Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire." Getty "And then a buffalo will stare stupidly into your soul while slowly chewing grass and softly farting." The people didn't react well to being told that, just as the salesmen didn't react well to Alec Baldwin telling them that they needed to grow some balls or resign themselves to shining his shoes. Which brings us to the final point ...

1. Everything Inside You Will Fight Improvement

Getty The human mind is a miracle, and you will never see it spring more beautifully into action than when it is fighting against evidence that it needs to change. Your psyche is equipped with layer after layer of defense mechanisms designed to shoot down anything that might keep things from staying exactly where they are -ask any addict. So even now, some of you reading this are feeling your brain bombard you with knee-jerk reasons to reject it. From experience, I can say that these seem to come in the form of ... *Intentionally Interpreting Any Criticism as an Insult "Who is he to call me lazy and worthless! A good person would never talk to me like this! He wrote this whole thing just to feel superior to me and to make me feel bad about my life! I'm going to think up my own insult to even the score!" *Focusing on the Messenger to Avoid Hearing the Message "Who is THIS guy to tell ME how to live? Oh, like he's so high and mighty! It's just some dumb writer on the Internet! I'm going to go dig up something on him that reassures me that he's stupid, and that everything he's saying is stupid! This guy is so pretentious, it makes me puke! I watched his old rap video on YouTube and thought his rhymes sucked!" Getty "When you get to where I am in life, you feel free to give me advice! Until then, you're nothing but meat and guesses." *Focusing on the Tone to Avoid Hearing the Content "I'm going to dig through here until I find a joke that is offensive when taken out of context, and then talk and think only about that! I've heard that a single offensive word can render an entire book invisible!" *Revising Your Own History "Things aren't so bad! I know that I was threatening suicide last month, but I'm feeling better now! It's entirely possible that if I just keep doing exactly what I'm doing, eventually things will work out! I'll get my big break, and if I keep doing favors for that pretty girl, eventually she'll come around!" *Pretending That Any Self-Improvement Would Somehow Be Selling Out Your True Self "Oh, so I guess I'm supposed to get rid of all of my manga and instead go to the gym for six hours a day and get a spray tan like those Jersey Shore douchebags? Because THAT IS THE ONLY OTHER

OPTION." Getty "Way to leave 'the hood' behind, asshole. New house or not, you'll always be white trash!" And so on. Remember, misery is comfortable. It's why so many people prefer it. Happiness takes effort. Also, courage. It's incredibly comforting to know that as long as you don't create anything in your life, then nobody can attack the thing you created. It's so much easier to just sit back and criticize other people's creations. This movie is stupid. That couple's kids are brats. That other couple's relationship is a mess. That rich guy is shallow. This restaurant sucks. This Internet writer is an asshole. I'd better leave a mean comment demanding that the website fire him. See, I created something. Oh, wait, did I forget to mention that part? Yeah, whatever you try to build or create -- be it a poem, or a new skill, or a new relationship -- you will find yourself immediately surrounded by non-creators who trash it. Maybe not to your face, but they'll do it. Your drunk friends do not want you to get sober. Your fat friends do not want you to start a fitness regimen. Your jobless friends do not want to see you embark on a career. Just remember, they're only expressing their own fear, since trashing other people's work is another excuse to do nothing. "Why should I create anything when the things other people create suck? I would totally have written a novel by now, but I'm going to wait for something good, I don't want to write the next Twilight!" As long as they never produce anything, it will forever be perfect and beyond reproach. Or if they do produce something, they'll make sure they do it with detached irony. They'll make it intentionally bad to make it clear to everyone else that this isn't their real effort. Their real effort would have been amazing. Not like the shit you made. Read our article comments -- when they get nasty, it's always from the same angle: Cracked needs to fire this columnist. This asshole needs to stop writing. Don't make any more videos. It always boils down to "Stop creating. This is different from what I would have made, and the attention you're getting is making me feel bad about myself." Don't be that person. If you are that person, don't be that person any more. This is what's making people hate you. This is what's making you hate yourself. Getty What are you going to do with it? Hunt witches or kick off the Olympics? So how about this: one year. The end of 2013, that's our deadline. Or a year from whenever you read this. While other people are telling you "Let's make a New Year's resolution to lose 15 pounds this year!" I'm going to say let's pledge to do fucking anything -- add any skill, any improvement to your human tool set, and get good enough at it to impress people. Don't ask me what -- hell, pick something at random if you don't know. Take a class in karate, or ballroom dancing, or pottery. Learn to bake. Build a birdhouse. Learn massage. Learn a programming language. Film a porno. Adopt a superhero persona and fight crime.

Start a YouTube vlog. Write for Cracked. But the key is, I don't want you to focus on something great that you're going to make happen to you ("I'm going to find a girlfriend, I'm going to make lots of money ..."). I want you to purely focus on giving yourself a skill that would make you ever so slightly more interesting and valuable to other people. Getty "Holy shit, by learning Spanish, I just gained the ability to speak to 400 million people I previously couldn't." "I don't have the money to take a cooking class." Then fucking Google "how to cook." They've even filtered out the porn now, it's easier than ever. Damn it, you have to kill those excuses. Or they will kill you. If you want to make note of your project in the forum thread or the comments and check in this time next year, knock yourself out. I'll be curious to see if even one person actually does this, but if so we'll look back, not just on whether or not we actually followed through, but why. You have nothing to lose, and the world needs you. Here's a video of a corgi rolling down some stairs. Dave's movie about dong monsters starring Paul Giamatti IS AVAILABLE FOR DOWNLOAD NOW ON iTUNES, AMAZON INSTANT VIDEO, YouTube and through any other streaming service you can think of. If you want to see John Dies at the End in a theater, you'll have to wait until January. For more life lessons you should learn right now, check out How 'The Karate Kid' Ruined The Modern World and 5 Reasons Life Actually Does Get Better. If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out The 5 Most Ironic Scenes of Utter Destruction. And stop by LinkSTORM to learn how to mold yourself into a badass with bacon and chest hair. Do you have an idea in mind that would make a great article? Then sign up RIGHT NOW and pitch your first article today! Do you possess expert skills in image creation and manipulation? Mediocre? Even rudimentary? Are you frightened by MS Paint and simply have a funny idea? You can create an infographic and you could be on the front page of Cracked.com tomorrow! And don't forget to follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr to get sexy, sexy jokes sent straight to your news feed. Are you on Google+? So are we! Prev Page 2 of 2 Next Read more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-betterperson_p2/#ixzz2K31aijSu End page two ............................................

............................................ ............................................ ............................................ 2,349,006 views To turn on reply notifications, click here 7754 Comments Recent Votes You | Show Profanity JohnRhoadesElection 2012 02/05/13 08:48 AM 00 I bookmark articles like this. Someday I'm going to make my kids read them. Reply Eddy_S02/05/13 04:39 AM 00 Well, that was an interesting read for a tuesday morning... This felt like a slap to the face, really... Much like meila47 said in the comments: I started reading this looking for flaws, but I ended just shutting up (though I did find flaws, I don't think this is the place to talk about those). Well.... I guess it's time to try something new... Reply joelsuf02/05/13 01:26 AM 00 STOP MISQUOTING FIGHTCLUB! Tyler saying "you are not your job" meant that you could be replaced at any minute, possibly even by a machine or simple piece of software. This is true of everyone, even doctors and surgeons (in fact, they're quite important to replace with machines and software). The story was about a like-minded collective that brought about real change. No single one of them mattered for any reason, but together they were powerful. FFS! Reply JohnRhoadesElection 2012 02/05/13 08:40 AM 00 Really? That's what you got out of Fight Club? I'm sorry. meila4702/05/13 12:53 AM 00 I think this article might have changed my life, and if anything reading the negative comments reinforced the accuracy of your observations. I started reading this looking for flaws in the writing, but I ended up inspired to take action and more importantly to share those actions in a meaningful way with others. By this time next year I want to resolve to have my home and life organized and to be taking care of my weight by eating and exercising.

Reply isaacp81002/04/13 09:55 PM -123 Sigh, why do I read these articles. People actually believe these are the keys to life. Step out of the box. Go travel, do some volunteer work. See how much these things don't really matter. When you see an Alec Baldwin role, it's television. It's funny, laugh. That's what it means. Have you been in a sales role before. It's the white collar equivalent to selling your sole. If you want to be happy, conquer adversity, open doors for people, find friends who don't care about status or how much money they make. A sexual relationship only starts families, it doesn't keep one. If you set your goals in dollar bills, you will fail. Only 5 percent of the world is able to succeed in wealth and chances are they didn't make it to the top being a good person. I read that someone will read this everyday when they wake up as motivation. I'm happy for anyone to find a motivation. But, if you choose to live by the ethics of this article, you will become or be an even bigger douche bag. Reply Mightberain02/05/13 08:33 AM 00 THANK YOU! I have been saying this! Article is not a good basis for living a life as none of this is about living a good life. JohnOlen02/04/13 04:46 PM +110 Bravo. I've been stuck at "just pick something" (and do it) for years. I've been able to clearly see, for years, that not picking anything (which is soooo easy when your excuse is being 'overwhelmed by choices' ..but i like so many things... I even wrote a childrens story for myself to keep and reread which invited the child in the story to just go out and pick up one small stick from the yard and once every day and add the one from each day to the rest in a container in his room. that was all he had to do. then, after a year he'd have a bunch of sticks ready to use for his second year's project, which was equally simple, and so on, till he was an adult and had discovered the benefits of doing something. and after a few years the child moves from just doing what he's told, to picking the thing he'll do the next year himself. and on each year till he's grown. i actually thought i'd try and start the picking up sticks thing. but never did, it was toooo simple for a grown man... so i haven't started it yet, but wonder now if i should... I did write the story though. right up till he was 18. it wasn't bad. it could stand some editing now, though. and some polishing up the research on each annual activity to make sure a kid at each age would still find that annual activity interesting. then of course it needs a brutal editor to crucify it and tell me to take a few writing courses so i'll know where verbs and nouns are usually found and that commas are actually something to be mapped out properly instead of just thrown in when you want to pause but don't want to take all that trouble to start a new thought in a better way by ending that sentence correctly then offering the next thought with another complete sentence. then i'll edit it again and the editor will cut all but about 5 percent of it and tell me that finally its a good start. (all that actually happened to me in an unrelated essay contest I surprisingly got fourth place in when i'd never entered on before -- i learned the truth of how valuable are good editor actually is, and all that slashing and burning, when you get over it, really did help you ferret out the good stuff and leave the other stuff for some other essay) . so, the its all there. i still have manuscript. i even wrote it out by hand cause i felt like it. but, i seem to not have found a way to type it up like i'm doing

with this comment, nor do i usually run comments throughg spell checks or go back and reread for dropped words or fast typing so that if and of can sometimes appear even if i don't want to confuse my reader about what i'm thinking of. i've got a lot of work to do, but its easier to write this comment than pick up my sticks in my childrens book. and thats just the first of 18 chapters. ....soooo much woooork... okay, since you probably have a horribly low character limit or word limit to comments or want me to jump through some sort of authentication blibbertiysccreensqueel which would mean that i need to set up ANOTHER fake "commenting" account and so i have to create yet the umpteenth fake yahoo email account or yet another totally truthful facebook account about the....ummm, now nineteenth real person i am, well, that really is too much work. so, i'm about to hit "submit comment" lets all see what happens next... Bravo. I've been stuck at "just pick something" (and do it) for years. I've been able to clearly see, for years, that not picking anything (which is soooo easy when your excuse is being 'overwhelmed by choices' ..but i like so many things... I even wrote a childrens story for myself to keep and reread which invited the child in the story to just go out and pick up one small stick from the yard and once every day and add the one from each day to the rest in a container in his room. that was all he had to do. then, after a year he'd have a bunch of sticks ready to use for his second year's project, which was equally simple, and so on, till he was an adult and had discovered the benefits of doing something. and after a few years the child moves from just doing what he's told, to picking the thing he'll do the next year himself. and on each year till he's grown. i actually thought i'd try and start the picking up sticks thing. but never did, it was toooo simple for a grown man... so i haven't started it yet, but wonder now if i should... I did write the story though. right up till he was 18. it wasn't bad. it could stand some editing now, though. and some polishing up the research on each annual activity to make sure a kid at each age would still find that annual activity interesting. then of course it needs a brutal editor to crucify it and tell me to take a few writing courses so i'll know where verbs and nouns are usually found and that commas are actually something to be mapped out properly instead of just thrown in when you want to pause but don't want to take all that trouble to start a new thought in a better way by ending that sentence correctly then offering the next thought with another complete sentence. then i'll edit it again and the editor will cut all but about 5 percent of it and tell me that finally its a good start. (all that actually happened to me in an unrelated essay contest I surprisingly got fourth place in when i'd never entered on before -- i learned the truth of how valuable are good editor actually is, and all that slashing and burning, when you get over it, really did help you ferret out the good stuff and leave the other stuff for some other essay) . so, the its all there. i still have manuscript. i even wrote it out by hand cause i felt like it. but, i seem to not have found a way to type it up like i'm doing with this comment, nor do i usually run comments throughg spell checks or go back and reread for dropped words or fast typing so that if and of can sometimes appear even if i don't want to confuse my reader about what i'm thinking of. i've got a lot of work to do, but its easier to write this comment than pick up my sticks in my childrens book. and thats just the first of 18 chapters. ....soooo much woooork... okay, since you probably have a horribly low character limit or word limit to comments or want me to jump through some sort of authentication blibbertiysccreensqueel which would mean that i need to set up ANOTHER fake "commenting" account and so i have to create yet the umpteenth fake yahoo email account or yet another totally truthful facebook account about the....ummm, now nineteenth real person i am, well, that really is too much work. so, i'm about to hit "submit comment" lets all see what happens next... ARRRGGGG, damit you want me to register to comment here..... damn, now do i really want to go to all that trouble of setting up yet another fake persona and fake email address, only to set it all up still knowing i haven't jumped through the character or word count limiter yet, so still don't even know if you'll

let me put all this up in one clean post that i will be able to enjoy while imagining the other commenters will read it and find value in it and be glad for this and also imagine that the ones who don't find value in it will only be those who have not yet reached my emotional growth level so don't understand and so i can forgive those mean replys with detachment and read-hear their laughter at me as the little pin pricks it is and go on, cause of couse you the author of this will surely be crossing yourself after reading this comment i've written and offering a silent blessing on my behalf as i most surely get it and now just need to do it and you wonder why i didn't leave a real email address so you could offer me one of those writing jobs on this very site, oh the places i shall go..i'm sure you think... hummm, okay, lets start hoop one, fake account and see what hoops are next... here goes... okay, fine i created a partially true account cause i'm wondering if i do get the aforementioned blessing and job offer letter i should have at least partial integrity when i come and formally confess my tiny account creation crime..but,darn it then you made me click on some sort of terms and conditions that i agree with before you would let me have an account and post..i didn't read them of course because i want to post, and post NOW,and if you want my farm and all i will ever have in this life licensed over to you in perputitiy and without compensation of any kind ever plus agree that you can make as much money and do anything at all you want with what i post on your site at any time for any reason now and forever no matter what it might also do to me and how your actions might affect me and without any future permissions needed from me nor do you have to share any of the money and other values you may recieve by exploiting me in this way, plus having to agree that while i can never change any element of this bond between us, not one word, not one comma, not one thing, you can change it to say anthing you want and that all changes you make to it - that collection of words will be as binding as this one is now today and you can run in and use me any way you want from loving me and showering me with vast amounts of respect and money to doing anything you want to me so long as they don't violate my short list of constitutionally protected rights unless you don't want to and it will then be up to me to try and see if i can arrange a date with the supreme court (after begging all the lower courts as you push this agreement towards the judges with a wry smile that they echo back to you over their glasses and barely hold their laughter when i point out the inequality and you smile and remind the court i agreed, otherwise i'm a liar, and even though i suggest that maybe the inequality ain't quite right anyway you remind the court that you upheld your bargin and you put my comments on your website and then later used them in such a way that they receieved a large amount of return for that use and which they decline to share with me citing the agreement. and as i leave the courtrooms i always hear your laughter mingled with the laughter of the judges, giggling over my estimations of what constitutes a "large amount of return" and why i would sign something i knew would take all that away from me anyway for just the price of you letting me post my comments and letting you do whatever you want with them, and you always snicker to whatever judge is passing on their duty to take a closer look at this inequality that is not just here but everywhere in all companies and websites and everything else, even nonprofits, by ruling in your favor. slinking out of another courthouse i get to the supreme court. do they see that i may be pointing to something they think they should look into a little more. do they think they might see what i keep pointing out as an inequality an inequality? is it worth it to pick up this little thing and stick it to the big companies? if we didn't always just give away our toys to whoever is bigger on the playground and demanding i do so in order to be allowed to swing on the swings for a while what would be the american way anymore? if we require that companies not be allowed to require individuals to relenquish the right of a company to be able to change any contract in any way at any time, nor be allowed to set a value for(something-fill in the blank) that is equal to zero in perputity for the individual on one side of the contract while simultaniously setting the value for that something-fill-in-the-blank to infinity, while also supressing all input from the individual on the one side of the contract down to in such a way as to virtually strip even the US courts from doing anything except blessing the contract and the company side of the contract. I sure hope it didn't cause I just clicked on it that i agreed and moved on. i've read some

many anymore that the all say the same thing. even the fact that you have these terms and condition click yes thingy says to me you already feel you're doing enough by providing the forum, website that accepts comments, (which is pretty good i have to say, its not like i've gone out and created a forum which could reasonalby compete with yours today) and that was your intention all along, to mine the free snippets given freely by those who agreed to your terms in such a way as to profit as much as you can and not share any proffits with the those who wanted to comment so bad they were willing to freely give you so much power over them. so, don't know what yours says, but this inequality is such a structure in our country today it would take some sort of new kind of AFL-CIO to come in and take on this new world of robberbaron style agreements that would make Rockefeller and J.P. so proud. So very proud. Take it all and give 'em libraries but not enough food or heath care. Oh, and yep, take those contributions from kids too, make those kids work for us too. Yep, I doubt even Teddy could convince today's Supreme Court that its the same thing. Inequality on such a massive scale no individual can correct it, it will only take a governement to do so. And, LOL, why should they do that? Like you said in your article, you got to work! Do something. yeah baby. oh, and you have to agree to do it for nothing, or very little. love those sticks, keep 'em coming. if not, no problem, we didn't care if you had anything to eat or not anyway. that was your job to rustle up. we're rustling up your comments as fast as we can. we're working. now, so what you don't have healthcare, won't dying solve that problem? lots more free commenters where you come from. okay, now lets see if you will take such a long thing, that is unedited, has lots of errors, several different topics not all of which concern the article. or do they? eh, who cares, its too much trouble to read you'll say. in fact, you did say it. in the article. bravo! ah, terms and conditions can spare one sooo much. now, lets see what your character limit is and find out if i want to edit this down or chop it up in parts and see if you bother to connect them and read them and find you want to give me that blessing i mentioned earler that i was hoping for... we shall see... darn it, you don't return to the article i was reading after i set up an account, you just go to the front page of your website. darn it. i've had that happen before. now, since i don't keep a history on my browser and can't recall the exact name of the article, and since so many of your articles are names in a similar way, what oh what shall i do next. i shall search and hope. again we shall see. okay, finally found it, the six harsh truths, i'm about to click "submit comment" lets see if it takes this or if there is yet another harsh truth i need to learn right this minute... here goes... Reply Revrant02/04/13 01:36 PM -202

4 is downright schizophrenic, it hops back and forth between "you don't have to have money and a job!" to "YOU GOTTA HAVE MONEY AND A JOB!" and again "nice is a bare minimum!" "all these douchebags have chicks 'cuz they're a success!"
I feel dizzy from just that, interesting read and all, but wow, pull it together man. Reply earmite02/04/13 12:45 PM +110 Incredible article. I know that I need to improve myself, but I'm just too lazy. Then something like this comes along and gives me a little more motivation, and kicks me off again. See you in a year. Wait, dang, nvm, gotta go play MMOs until midnight. Reply Mightberain02/04/13 12:06 PM -628 The article supports ideals that DESTROY the world they support materialistic corporate thinking, David Wong is a hack for thinking he knows why others suffer and how to fix it. ReplyHide AllSee All 3 Replies earmite02/04/13 12:46 PM 011 Well, you're obviously perfect then. Move along and let the rest of us learn to improve ourselves. PlasmaFox02/04/13 03:27 PM -101 You don't have to like it. I don't like it when it rains on my birthday. It rains anyway. Clouds form and precipitation happens. People have needs and thus assign value to the people who meet them. These are simple mechanisms of the universe and they do not respond to our wishes. LethLL02/04/13 11:06 AM +220 I am committing to reading this everyday. It really was a wake up call, and although habits are hard to

break I am working on it. I plan to attend graduate school in the fall but I can still improve myself so I have more to offer others. Get better at my hobbies, other people usually like what I produce. Get better at research so I can produce results. Become a better person, contribute something to society. Reply ThandieD02/04/13 10:41 AM 00 You're totally freaking right. Couldn't have said it better myself. Everyday is a struggle to keep that mindset going, but at least I have something to look back at as a reference. Something to kick me in the ass and keep me motivated. Nice one! Reply Mightberain02/04/13 10:10 AM -516 David Wong = person that doesn't understand that the world is going to st BECAUSE of thinking like this article. Be mindless and do things and never think, because thinking never got anyone anywhere, right? I can't believe you people eat this up like it's true. The Alec Baldwin scene is a terrible axample because the guy is just a piece of st who thinks his dick is the biggest in the room. I do st with my life I also do a lot of thinking and I know a st article when I see one. Stomp on the little people to succeed is all this article is saying. Instead we should work with each other to give the world value and consider what truly matters not just blindly doing things just to do them. fk david wong ReplyHide AllSee All 4 Replies ThandieD02/04/13 10:53 AM 00 Over thinking gets you nowhere too, Mightberain. There are many people who over think things and quit before they've even begun. I think over thinking is fear painted as caution. David didn't say "Don't think." Of course, be mindful and weigh up the pros and cons. Prepare yourself for the pitfalls, if you do decide to do whatever it is you set out to do, that way you can pick yourself up and continue on your path until you get it right. Mightberain02/04/13 11:30 AM -213 It's an asinine idea to make myself interesting to others. The article supports ideals that DESTROY the world they support materialistic corporate thinking, David Wong is a f*g hack for thinking he knows why others suffer and how to fix it. Pudwick02/04/13 09:46 AM +121 How the hell does a humor website help me improve myself more than any other source? Wow. Reply ThandieD02/04/13 10:49 AM +110 There are hidden truths in humour. That is the basis of comedy. A comedy of manners particularly looks

and pokes fun at a particular part of society and uses humor to parody or satirize the behavior and mannerisms of its members. Normally those things it pokes fun at are things we all know is true, but don't voice. Not that I think David is poking fun at anyone, but I think that he uses humour to address an issue that we all should be looking at. Some people are able to relate better to comedy, but if you make it serious, they shut down. Quite the contrary, I suspect, happens with you. And if this post upsets you so, then there might be some truth to what David is saying that irks you so.Think about it. ktmaki02/04/13 09:20 AM +220 Thanks for saying all those things out loud for many to see. Though I suspect the ones that truly needed it, never made it to the end. They put on their "Butt-hurt / Who does he think he is?" panties and went off in search of ways to discredit it all. Hey at least they are DOING SOMETHING, right? Great article. Thanks for saying what my "Management Sensitivity" seminars told me I can't say. Do you feel the " I'll keep you in my prayers" = " The check is in the mail " ? Reply Darkdragonheart02/04/13 03:25 AM +440 One year from now i'll be good at German and ASL. Just watch me world. Reply ravinghatter02/04/13 12:50 AM +770 I don't know how often you read these comments mister Wong, but I'd like to say that it came at a strangely coincidental time in my life. I've been a lurker on Cracked for a long time, never actually registered before but I did, just so I could comment here. I've been going through some very deep depression, wondering where my life has gone. I'm 27, graduated from art school years ago, actually won an award for my artwork, best illustrator out of everyone in my graduating class in graphic design, worked several jobs, awesome jobs, had places to go, was a make up artist for zombie walks and haunted theme parks, even starred in some low budget horror films. I've tattooed, I've been to more concerts than I can count and met so many awesome people, celebrities and otherwise, traveled all over the world, seen crazy wonderful things. Needless to say, my life was pretty awesome. Then it all just sort of, went away. I don't know how, or when it even happened but it did. I stopped drawing, I stopped going places, I stopped doing...anything. I lost my drive and motivation, I lost confidence in my art, in my abilities, in everything. I gave up. I sort of hit rock bottom a few days ago and for some reason, I decided...I was going to knit. I know it sounds stupid, but I'd always wanted to know how, so I went to YouTube and looked it up and sat down and learned with some needles and yarn I got from Wal-mart, and I made a hat, a damned nice hat and it made me feel good about myself again. Stumbling upon this article reaffirmed my desire to stop wallowing in despair and to keep knitting, hell I might actually pick up my pencil and start drawing again, start doing the things I'm good at, things I use to get so much praise for, things that like you said, others always tried to tear down. I just wanted to say thank you, your words mean something to me, even if they might not to anyone else. If someone thinks that this article is anything less than the truth, I can only hope they find some proverbial knitting needles and get to work. Hopefully when they hold the product of something they made in their hands it'll show them they actually -can- do something, or it'll remind them

that they've been able to all along, but they'd just forgotten how. Reply melli1se02/04/13 06:40 AM 00 metoo!! ThandieD02/04/13 10:55 AM 00 Do it! ^_^ KMarieNieto02/04/13 12:07 AM +220 One year from now, I am going to publish an article on Cracked. And record a rap song. Reply I forgot this02/03/13 11:31 PM 00 In one year, I'm going to build that third chin I've always been talking about. Thanks Davo! Reply Soulless102/03/13 07:58 PM +110 Well, my original comment seems to have disappeared into the aether. So, in summary: since everyone seems so complimentary, I feel obliged to rain on your parade. People should not try to improve themselves in order to impress/make more money/or other external reasons. Improve yourself for your OWN enjoyment. Learn to cook, so you can eat good food and not be reliant on the whims of others. Learn a craft: woodworking, beadery, knitting, anything, just so you can spend some time and have a physical thing to show for your efforts. If YOU want to learn something that helps others, do it because it makes YOU feel good. Never "should" on yourself, it just leads to anger, resentment, and all kinds of bad feelings. Reply esmyth500002/03/13 08:38 PM 00 I don't get it, you're comparing me to a plant? Wow,? I've had a random person run up to me on the street and scream "HURR DURR," and that made more sense than you. You really need to work more on your insults and less on nitpicking negligible spelling mistakes. krnmElection 2012 02/04/13 09:52 AM 00 Yes, but what gives you enjoyment? For some people, it's respect or financial comfort. Personally, I don't care for crafting because it's expensive and clutters up the house. I get enjoyment from puzzle-solving, so I'm a gamer and musician.

kefera02/03/13 05:51 PM +220 I am a writer. Not your "introduces themselves at a party as the writer" writer, whose written next to jack st, who cultivates no writing but idealizes works of "writing" as the same thing. I think this article is awesome and I think a lot of people will disagree, or find reasons to disagree, because they still can't handle the honesty. The honesty is not directed as an insult or a personal stab but more so a manner in which one can accurately come to terms with the self for greater reasons. People should be less defensive and count their blessings that someone still has the balls to tell it like it is. Thanks for the wonderful read! Reply Fervidor02/04/13 04:12 PM 00 Meh. I don't mind people agreeing or disagreeing with this article. I just think everyone needs to realize that it's just a life-philosophy, not some sort of ultimate truth. It's Fervidor02/04/13 04:12 PM 0 0 0 Meh. I don't mind people agreeing or disagreeing with this article. I just think everyone needs to realize that it's just a life-philosophy, not some sort of ultimate truth. It's not going to suit everyone, though if it works for you, awesome. Read more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-betterperson/#ixzz2K3BBYjer Read more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-betterperson/#ixzz2K30Y4ysZ Tr0n02/03/13 05:22 PM 00 Glengarry Glen Ross is a surprisingly difficult tongue-twister Reply Lona2602/03/13 04:40 PM -101 until I saw the bank draft which had said $7726, I didnt believe that...my... friends brother was realie taking home money in there spare time from there pretty old laptop.. there great aunt has done this 4 less than ten months and resantly paid the debts on their house and bourt a brand new Smart ForTwo. read more at goo.gl/rHs3v Reply

Mightberain02/03/13 02:28 PM -617 This article started out with shittyness. Basically saying that you have to be a compassionless piece of st to get anywhere. Then made more sense but still feel the author is an idiot. Reply LethLL02/04/13 11:04 AM +120 Completely missed the point. He is saying that the world only cares about your actions. Truniht02/04/13 08:40 PM 00 He's not talking about the world. He's talking about the people who own your labor. JomomorganElection 2012 02/03/13 01:18 PM +110 Mr Wong, you cannot conceive how much you've inspired me. Realistically this inspiration isn't going to cause me to make any radical change in my lifestyle, but thank you nonetheless. Reply Fervidor02/04/13 04:14 PM 00 Yeah, while inspiration is nice, it's good to remain realistic about these things. Tam-Tam02/03/13 10:29 AM +550 Damn, this is for sure the most inspiring article I have read on the net! Thank you for not only being so straight forward, but also giving REAL advice! I will stay in touch at the end of 2013!! ;) Reply melodiem02/03/13 09:56 AM +110 I love this, I think it's fantastic and I want all my friends to read it. Reply dudenow02/03/13 09:28 AM -505 the article started out good, but got real cheesy super-fast. Reply DrSane02/03/13 04:30 AM +330 thanks for writing this, i should make a habit of reading this more often, thank god i have it bookmarked Reply

Jigme02/03/13 02:56 AM +231 When i read the title,i feared wong might say,"you can never be batman".thank god!the dream is STILL ALIVE! Reply Gabbiani02/02/13 06:38 PM +440 David, this will ultimately get buried in the comments, but I wanted to say thank you. I heard similar advice years ago, but recently have forgotten it. It seems to be one of the most hated books on the planet, but Atlas Shrugged espouses that you get off your ass and get good at something (and hopefully make money with it). What you said, especially about the new year's resolution to get better at something, was so true on so many levels. Thank you for reminding me, and so I wanted to let you know that you truly affected someone on the other side of the planet. God, that skeptical segment about "sending your thoughts" was a breath of fresh air. Anyway, it's been a few days since I read this, but I have at least done something now -- and will continue. Cheers. Reply heatherlyElection 2012 02/04/13 09:52 AM 00 Yeah, but "Atlas Shrugged" doesn't really espouse doing things that make you useful to other people. According to Randian philosophy, you should get off your ass because it's good for you. That you will be useful to other people is a byproduct of getting off your ass. Granted, most people hate "Atlas Shrugged" because it's one of the single most poorly written texts on earth, but I also hate it because of the "I'm just in it for me" philosophy. ysobele02/02/13 05:02 PM 00 This harsh reality is a slap on the face. Just like a super obsessive mom who keeps coming back at you with a repeat recorded sermon, a knife, a hammer, battery acid... everything. She just wont stop until you get it right! hahaha... Reply ysobele02/02/13 05:01 PM 00 This harsh reality is a slap on the face. Just like a super obsessive mom who keeps coming back at you with a repeat recorded sermon, a knife, a hammer, battery acid... everything. She just wont stop until you get it right! hahaha... you may not like it but I'm going to write something about this too :P Reply Completehavoc02/02/13 04:13 PM +220

In one year i will have started up the sewing business my mum and i have been talking about. Reply THE-HAWK02/02/13 04:11 PM -202 As this article is trying to help suffering people, I offer another perspective for those who are spiritually inclined...And even for people who dont believe in God, you can use these principles if it suits you....If you dont like religion....dosent mean you cant be a person of God....This is what I believe Anyway, this article believes in the materialistic world view...Everyone wants something...That is the key to happiness apparently...get get get....give people what they want so you can ultimately get what you want... But I offer another perspective on this....I believe this mindset will enslave you....Western, competitive, materialistic...It puts you into an insecure frame of mind..."Ok I must learn to play the guitar so girls like me"...What if another guy can play the guitar and sing while juggling monkeys on a unicycle? What then? Do you have to "upskill" as well? This is when I point to the first thing....The Buddhist principle of non attachment....Not having a girl is not making you unhappy....Your attachment to the idea that you have to have a girl is making you unhappy..... If we can master such a principle, which Jesus also taught, then you realise you dont have to beat your self up trying to win at the rat race.....You dont have to participate in the rat race at all.. First of all truly accept and love yourself....you are a child of God....I dont care if you dont believe in religion...believe in the compassion that exists in the universe...I call that God....you may call it a mental constuct or a delusion....Ok then, believe in the mental construct of human compassion Second principle of Buddhism and Christianity...SUFFERING IS NECCESSARY...The modern comfortable mindset is that all suffering must be avoided at all costs...Now I know suffering is bad, real bad....noone wants suffering...I dont want suffering But when it comes, as it inevitably will, dont beat yourself up about it....and dont run from it...Revel in it AS A DIVINE PURPOSE....even enjoy it.....cry if you have too....hit something if you have too....but own it..... If they hate you, let them...If they call you a loser.....thank them and move on...If she wants to walk, show her the door...if he dosent call, let him not call....if your boss was a jerk...bring it on.....if you dont get paid enough...guess you will be taking the bus for some more months instead of buying a car....OWN IT.... Even if nothing else....your death will be peaceful....You will see it as freedom and not as something to fear That is not saying I advocate suicide...That is saying I advocate the mindset where you are not attached to this life and all its comforts and cares...AND then you can begin to TRULY enter into the last phase of COUNTING YOURSELF AMONG THE GREATEST....For the the greatest people on earth suffered like you did....Mother Theresa was wiping lepers asses and cleaning their puss stained sores without payment. It wasnt to impress a potential boyfriend...or to climb a corporate ladder....or so she could get something

in return ReplyHide AllSee All 4 Replies PetuniaMoe02/03/13 01:23 PM 00 Life is a game. Learn the rules. Play well (bring a skill set or two to the table to meet some needs) and you will succeed. While you are succeeding, remember that the game does not own you. You own the game. This knowledge helps you to master the principle of non-attachment. But you must understand this world in order to succeed and this article is spot-on. Even the Bible teaches that faith without works is dead. Our good intentions mean nothing if they are not put into practice. ravinghatter02/04/13 12:56 AM +220 Yo dog, heard you like ellipses..... Tap02/02/13 03:03 PM 00 This article is amazing, I wish more worthless people out there would read this and actually do something because of it. The world would be infinitely better Reply dwindle02/02/13 12:08 PM +220 Thank you. Just, f*g, thank you. Reply Somebody,maybe02/02/13 04:42 AM +220 I read the rest of the article after #5 in Alec Baldwin's voice. Also, my project is gonna be my photography. Reply Somebody,maybe02/02/13 04:41 AM 00 I read the rest of the article after #5 in Alec Baldwin's voice. Also, awesome article. I'm gonna make my project photography. I've dabbled in it for a while, time I either made something of it, or gave it up entirely. The world has no place for people who 'play' at things. Reply Diesixdie02/02/13 01:36 AM 011 David. Ouch. That hurts. Thank you. Maybe I could pledge to become better at what I consider to be "my sy job". That's a start, I guess. I've long wanted to learn to play keyboards, too. That reminds me of the

movie "Groundhog Day", which, if you analyze it for more than a second is all about what you're going on about in your article. Bill Murray's character seems to be a very rough diamond who manages to offend the universe to the point that it bends it's own rules to hone him into an acceptable human being with beneficial skills, one of which is playing the piano. The "brass ring" for him is the attention of Andie McDowell, who will have nothing to do with him until he acquires enough "stuff" to bring to the table. At that point, she's his for the taking. Along the way, he has to learn a couple of languages, become a diva at a musical instrument, change tires, save the mayor from choking, buy some newlyweds some cruise tickets, and kill himself about 50 times. He also has to listen to Sonny & Cher every morning at six am. Anyway, thanks. Great article. Reply onca74702/02/13 12:37 AM +110 The best articles are the ones that make you reflect. And in my case, at the end of four years of attending college and graduating with a bachelors degree with honours, in all honesty I should be introducing myself as a "game player" and "TV watcher", and shame the fk on me. Then along comes this article which is actually pleading with the reader to get off their butt and improve themselves (which I think speaks volumes of the author BTW). One of the best points is this: Anything worth doing/having takes mountains of work and courage. Have a nice day y'all.... ps. This is the largest piece of writing I've produced since graduating. Shame shame...... Reply midget_overlordElection 2012 02/01/13 09:40 PM +220 one thing I've noticed about a lot of the wong/cheese hate. A lot of people keep saying their tired of the self help articles, yet last I checked, 4 of the Greatest hits were written by wong. Reply ReaperAJ02/01/13 04:28 PM +110 David Wong - you are a f*g genious! This article totally opened my eyes. Excellent. I need to hone some skills - what, I have no clue right now, but I'm sure as hell going to find something to do that makes someone else happy for a change. Reply MongGrelElection 2012 02/01/13 03:33 PM -303 Basically fk you I guess, have 25+ years of toolmaking experience and ever job I apply for tells me I'm overqualified these days. Large corporations moving operations overseas to run manufacturing jobs on the cheap is my main problem in life right now, for the tax breaks etc etc.

Reply kaytmay02/01/13 09:54 PM +550 Wrong. Your problem is a failure to adapt. Your skill set is outdated. Antiquated. Unnecessary. Go get a new one. The CEO of the company that is sending their jobs over seas got there by having a skill set that is valuable to the company, namely, maximizing their profit margin and keeping them competitive in the market. Human beings have gotten where we are on the whole by adapting to our situation and our environment. I'm 27 years old and I have already acquired skills in 4 different, distinct career areas that I can mesh and intertwine and use in any number of different jobs. If you can't get a job, get a new skill. gabrielavc_02/01/13 03:02 PM +231 I wasn't feeling exactly.. not pleased with life, but reading this article was perfectly timed. Hello, 2013 annual project. I thought that either taking up grad school or the CFA would be enough, but there is one thing you said about helping others that I needed to hear. I've been taking the easy way out, donating money, and maybe it's time to go out and actually do something valuable. Thankfully, I know where to start.. and in a year, I'll be looking back on those results while I set another annual goal. However, thank you! Wouldn't have set the motions without the additional kick :) Reply geo2geo302/01/13 01:23 PM +110 I am thoroughly committed to kicking ass every minute of my waking life, always plotting and scheming to move forward in life, to make a place in this world for myself and to give back to society in a meaningful way, so its funny that I identify with the pocket knife guy in this article. But what I thoroughly love about the wisdom this article professes, and oh dear me the wealth flows from beginning to end, is how incredibly thoroughly Wong takes everything you want to say in objection to what he has to say, and turns it on its head, to the point that if you do raise an objection, it is quite nearly certain you didn't read this article. Kudos my good sir, you wrote eloquently and you have an expert grasp of the human condition. Probably one of the best articles to motivate our troubled generation. Reply Optimus612802/01/13 11:24 AM 010 I think some people need compassion and acceptance of their condition. Some people might read some of the points, especially 3, 2 and 1, and will make them even more miserable. Some people will interpret this as one-way, where you either do stuff or you don't do, and if you don't do then you are a loser, you are ashamed, you feel terrible about yourself. And it's not like it's a simple choice, sometimes it's too hard to do things and even if you start doing things, it might not give enough good results back. And it's neither nice to hear that these words is just another excuse. It gives the image of a big looser that becomes an even bigger looser by denying obvious things. Not saying that these points are wrong, they are making

sense as seeing alone without the observer, but when the observer is harmed by these thoughts because everyone that is better than them and is supposed to "wanting to help" seems like a threat to the observer. Maybe the loser doesn't need a winner to tell them what to do, he needs another loser to walk together and help each other. The most important thing for some, is to not feel sad, it's more important than success when things have gone down and no matter how much you try, it makes things worse. It's not abandoning life, it's a change of perception for the few ones that suffer and could not be helped by those words in the article. I think one book that might be a good switch of vision, is the power of negative thinking. Reply mark080502/01/13 10:53 AM +220 OMG, that poor corgi! How could you? My annual project? Finish law school in the top 10% of my class. Also, get off my ass and send applications to find a job! I'll come back in a year and let you know how I did. Reply masterfocus02/01/13 05:34 AM +110 Amazing article, man. It made me think a lot. Fortunatelly, I'm trying to improve at something, but I'm still kind of lazy to get the stuff done sometimes. The world needs more people like you. Keep going, man! :) Reply Aryl02/01/13 04:53 AM +110 Well, I was ask where you were two years ago when I was in highschool, as it would have been easier to not have to figure all this out myself, but that is flawed, as it is the experience that defines us. Challenge excepted, David. In one year I will: Rebuilt my spare car engine, purely for the experience and technical understandingLearn to play piano with both hands, because I'm tired of being a half assFinish restoring my project car, because ENGINEERING RULES! I've set up my E-mail to send several messages to itself and textbomb my phone in one year's time. Let's GO! Reply decipherme02/01/13 01:59 AM 00

in one year, i will learn two programming languages to the level of mastery and i will get competent mcat scores. I will also have a practical plan to be in medical school by the end of that next year. Reply gabrielavc_02/01/13 03:20 PM 00 I think the author himself ends up wrapping up the 'You are your job' with 'You are what you do', doesn't he? ElizabethGecko02/01/13 01:55 AM +110 Ironically, this was sort of my new year's resolution, anyway - actually do something with my music, instead of just occasionally going to open mic nights. I'm in my twenties now - I won't have the chance to do this much longer. I want to gig as much as possible, enter some songwriting competitions, even sell my soul and go on televised talent contests, if need be. Making a living doing any music has to be better than sitting in an office feeling utterly worthless every day. So far, well, I had a gig last night, and I got asked to come and play again at their acoustic event. I have two others booked for April and March as well. Now it's February, there are a couple of songwriting competitions open for submissions. I'd also like to do more writing, I never finish any stories I start though - I always get another idea before I've finished [or even before I've started]. Last week I had three. Blogs and articles are somewhat more achievable than a prospective epic trilogy though, so I will work on those. There's one thing I disagree with in this article however, and that is: "you are your job". The author himself mentions the amount of time he spent behind a desk before he made it as a writer - yes, I believe you have to practise a skill to claim it - but many people are extremely talented writers, musicians, artists, whatever - who also have day jobs. Sometimes this is because they're not good enough at the thing they're passionate about, but more often, it's because they simply don't have the exposure their talent deserves. Yes, you can't create in a bubble and expect people to miraculously discover you, but I'm sure you'll agree, getting "discovered" or building up a fanbase, even with all the determination in the world, is not an easy task. An unrecognised but gifted musician, or an artist who spends all their spare time drawing and little of it marketing, are still an artist and a musician. Ability is defined by action, certainly, but talent cannot always be defined by success [I mean, come on, if it was you'd have to call Justin Beiber talented...]. And I'm sorry, but in order to focus on your aspirations, you have to believe in them. If I truly believed that I was "just a student" or "just a proof-reader" or "just a sandwich-shop girl" then what motivation or incentive would I have to try for something more? I'd consider myself incapable, and I know I am not. Like most people, my biggest faults are laziness and insecurity. ...Well, and in fairness, disorganisation. However, as you point out, these are flaws which can be overcome. What you do defines you: your actions are the measure by which other people evaluate you. But what you do can't BE you, not entirely, because you contain the potential to do other things. Obviously, intentions count for st to other people, for the most part, but they have to be valuable to you, or you'd never be able to realise any of the ambitions you seem so keen for people to strive towards.

Totally agree with you on the guy thing, however. I too get sick of seeing male friends, or people online, complaining about how no girls like them when they're much nicer than many other men - and then resenting women, as an entire gender, for it. It seriously makes me want to grab them and shake them by the shoulders. Sitting there, complaining about your love life most certainly will not alter it [unless you can do so in an amusing and articulate manner]. In fact, I'd say moping is absolutely detrimental to your prospects - not only are you wallowing in self pity, lowering your own self esteem, and generally making yourself depressive and miserable and a poor quality of company - people who moan all the time are fking irritating. And you're right: "niceness" is absolutely not enough. That's like going around saying "well, I don't kick puppies, I must be an absolutely stellar person!" Bullst, not being a vindictive, psychopathic sadist is simply a bottom-line pre-requisite. I think the best two things you can do to improve your love-life are simply: 1. be more sociable. Go out more, engage in activities, talk to as many people as possible: get used to it. 2. Stop "looking". And by that, I don't mean checking people out I mean stop actively thinking "OMG, I must get a girlfriend/ boyfriend, I'm so lonely, sob" because you need to extinguish that aura you've got going of rampant desperation. Also, play guitar. Helps, soooooo much. And even if you're not very good at it, it's still fun to do. Happy people are attractive people. Reply Aryl02/01/13 05:02 AM 00 Exactly this, though I tend to prefer piano. I must admit the reason I'm replying is to ask if your username is just a username, or if you actually own any geckos. Because...because pictures if you do! And because I love beardies and geckos. Trixy27201/31/13 11:59 PM 00 In one year I will have learned the Lindy Hop, and eventually I will master it. Reply Windsquid01/31/13 11:13 PM 00 Thank you Mr. Wong. I say whoever you are, this should be inspire you to be more; it certainly did so for me. Reply Lagablab01/31/13 10:14 PM 00 A year from now I'll be able to speak french fluently and my spelling wouldn't suck as much.... And I'll be better at cooking and writing... and I'll be a contender in any MMA related organization!!!

" fk be made, for it is seldome given and fk be earned, for it will never be free!" -L.N. Balili 2013Reply Reirei01/31/13 04:18 PM 011 Personally I do not think this article applies to me. Moslty I don't have that many problems with it, but one problem I do have is what you said about people saying "You're in my thoughts." You can't do everything, you have to pick your battles and fight them, but at the same time it's good to be compassionate, to think of others and to empathise. I thought that was what this article was about. Like when someone I know got shot, I said I was thinking of them and hoping for the best for them. What more could I do? Shoot the shooter? Operate on them? It is nice to know that people are thinking of you and that they care about you. I don't think that is something to be discouraged. Sure it's a different thing if you have a friend who breaks up with someone and they want to go for a pint to feel a little better, but letting someone know you care is good. To be honest, by the end of the article I feel you start to ramble and almost end up on a high horse yourself. And "Your drunk friends do not want you to get sober. Your fat friends do not want you to start a fitness regimen. Your jobless friends do not want to see you embark on a career." is wrong. If you're being self destrucivly lazy and want to change yourself for you, acting surperior to perhaps some friends who are the same is just going full circle. You're still only thinking of yourself and not thinking of others. I dunno, perhaps it's different in America, as this article is obviously written from an American perspective, but over here people don't seem to be as selfish and self absorbed as you make them out to be. But perhaps I'm missing the point as I don't think or act the way that is stated in the article. ReplyHide AllSee All 7 Replies meshuggah02/01/13 07:12 AM 022 "Like when someone I know got shot, I said I was thinking of them and hoping for the best for them. What more could I do? Shoot the shooter? Operate on them?" 1. Tend to their family and friends. 2. Surgeries can mean lengthy hospital stays: bring them food, magazines, blankets 3. Offer to help take care of their daily processes, walk the dog, get the mail, water the gimp in the basement, pay bills. 4. Bring/send flowers, or cards, or other sentimentalities 5. Vsit them at the hospital

6. Start a blog: "holey bob's whole recovery" to update others who care to know I mean, there's 6 things you could do, that don't include retribution, that would probably be appreciated by anyone involved in the recovery process, and are better than sending happy thoughts. Reirei02/01/13 10:06 AM +110 This was not someone I was close to, just someone I knew. I would not want to intrude on their personal lives by assuming I was needed. This is a person heavily involved in crime who happens to live on my road. Not a friend. None of those options would be appropriate to the relationship I have with them. Thankfully none of my friends or relatives have ever been shot. It was just an example I was giving from personal experience, but you seemed to have missed the point. The point I was trying to make was that for people you are not very close to, for people who you just know or for strangers who you hear bad things about, you cannot bend over backwards to try and make them feel better. Do you understand? ejazzyjeffElection 2012 01/31/13 09:55 AM -404 Or think of it this way: Remember when Chick-fil-A came out against gay marriage? And how despite the protests, the company continues to sell millions of sandwiches every day? It's not because the country agrees with them; -The spike in sales was due to the support of Chick-fil-A and their right to free speech. The Mayor of Boston and Chicago threatened to not allow any Chick-fil-A to be built in their cities, so people went there to support them. People supporting the free speech outnumbered those protesting Chick-fil-A which consisted of gay couples making out in front of their resturants. Reply Windsquid01/31/13 11:15 PM +550 Come on, man. Don't be a bigot. Support gay marriage or don't, support Chick-Fil-A or don't, but don't patronize people. Alex Gillibrand01/31/13 03:49 AM +110 1 year from now i will have built and run 2 websites and learnt Finnish ReplyHide AllSee All 3 Replies Alex Gillibrand01/31/13 04:00 AM +110 Screw it, i'm also going to have a job i'm passionate about.

You sir, have changed the way i look at things, eternally thankful! ElizabethGecko02/01/13 02:38 AM +110 You can only learn Finnish on two conditions: 1. You become lead singer in a Nordic metal band. 2. You become a viking. Both of these developments would be awesome, so they're not so much "conditions" I suppose, as additional motivations. BrianGermain01/31/13 03:20 AM 00 In one year I will be one year wiser, one year smarter, and have one more year of "closing" behind me. Reply ImmortalJelly01/31/13 02:48 AM +110 Great article. I actually already decided that "do more stuff" was my new year's resolution. So far I've taken up an evening course in beginners archery and tried to get back into painting. I had forgotten how rewarding it can be trying to learn a new skill. Reply BrianGermain01/31/13 12:25 AM 00 Funniest thing I posted this on my facebook wall and IMMEDIATELY there was some dude doing exactly what the article said not to do he probably didn't even read the article, obviously not a closer. Reply Ciklamen01/30/13 10:49 PM +110 Last year my resolution was to get my pilot's licences. I also wanted to excel in my classes and impress my teachers. Instead, by the end of the year, I had fucked myself over in school once again and managed to damage the relationships I had built with my professors by procrastinating, not turning work in on time, and generally making excuses in lieu of producing consistently quality work and learning. So, after reading this and taking a nice long look in a mirror, I am making a note of two projects. 1. Get pilot's licence. 2. Close final semester with straight A's and a thorough understanding of the subject I have chosen to study. Reply BrianGermain01/31/13 03:12 AM +110 To follow with the flavor of this article why not make step 1 be Take a Piloting course.

Robwyld01/30/13 09:41 PM +110 When I saw the title of #1, I found myself thinking "Ok, how do I stop doing that?" Bookmarked this page so I can read bits again, but #1 especially. I know what I want to do, I know why I haven't done it and I know I CAN do it. I just never finish a project. My own fault. Thanks for putting this one up. Reply BrianGermain01/31/13 03:13 AM 00 the easiest way to finish a project is to follow the Nike motto and "Just Do It". it may sound trite or silly but realistically even if you finish it poorly and have to redo it at least you have finished it once. And therein lies the fact that you CAN do it again if you so choose. So instead of choosing to wait and comeback to this article just go finish something! klemaniac01/30/13 07:02 PM 00 Huh. I like it. Thanks. Reply Nintyspong01/30/13 04:55 PM +550 This is about the fifth time I have read this. Did you hear that? That's the sound of it finally sinking in. Reply NavidHayder01/30/13 04:45 PM +120 " Take a class in karate, or ballroom dancing, or pottery. Learn to bake. Build a birdhouse. Learn massage. Learn a programming language. Film a porno. Adopt a superhero persona and fight crime. Start a YouTube vlog. Write for Cracked. " I started a similar mission that I just wasted the 2012 deadline on. I missed it. But since I was the one who came up with it to begin with, I'll rush it. 6 months perhaps. Maybe 3. I'll write for a website. Finish my junior-year thesis. Get my grades back up. Get that position tutoring kids. Fix my health. And while I'm at it. I'll wrap that 2012 list and go on to be better. Thank you Cracked. Reply krnmElection 2012 01/30/13 03:19 PM 00 I don't think my reaction to the "Glengarry" speech would be either of those things. At best, I might admit to myself that the a*e is right. I've been on cruise control the last few years, so I figure out why I'm in this business to begin with and try to get that passion back. That's not nearly the same thing as "Fuck yeah, let's sell some houses! I want to spend 40 hours a week making money for a guy who believes I need to earn

my bathroom privileges!" Reply ArnoldPalmer01/30/13 12:48 PM +110 I figured out most of this already...Do I get a cookie or something? Reply BrianGermain01/31/13 03:16 AM +110 I am right there with ya I had to figure this out on my own fortunately this guy expressed it with the article probably better than I could ever succintly put it inot words and it is a great read. If you know all this then you are well on your way to "closing" if you haven't already, and if you have then I guess you already got your cookie. Sargentlunch 01/30/13 11:36 AM 011 Although the Hippies we're wrong about everything. A fascist American war machine is a bad thing. If anyone disagrees with that, I'd like to see them in Vietnam. Reply Sargentlunch 01/30/13 11:30 AM +110 Good job Dave. st I wish more people would know. Reply Adityathewarrior_within01/30/13 08:38 AM +110 Amazing! couldn't help but nod in agreement to each point you made Reply MinDBlastR01/30/13 08:03 AM 011 Amazing. Simply amazing. I had this idea in my head. But i didnt know how to put it down. And try to help other people. They just assumed i was crazy and i was trying to get them killed... Btw. Gato. Can be Portuguese. We don't like to be mixed up with Spanish people. Or Brazillians for that matter. Reply The_Reader01/30/13 06:37 AM +220 Sht. I haven't even finished half of this and I'm already like... Well sht I can't describe it. Brilliant article! Reply

The_Avatorian01/30/13 01:43 AM +110 Amazing ! You're a wonderful man ! i thought this article started upbeat with "2013, motherfuckers. Yeah! LET'S DO THIS. "Do what?" you ask. I DON'T KNOW. LET'S FIGURE THAT OUT TOGETHER, MOTHERFUCKER" then kept a downbeat until the very end where it stood up and made us wanting to change. kinda reminds me of the beat (and somehow, some lyrics) from Eminem's My Dad's Gone Crazy (feel free to disagree, that's what i felt like) Reply nathantrussell01/30/13 01:10 AM +220 I think I had already read this article, but I so needed to read it again. Thank you. Reply CraigR.Tinsley01/30/13 12:09 AM +660 Excellent article. Exactly what I needed to hear right about now. This should be part of a High School curriculum. Reply pav01/31/13 10:22 AM 00 My 10th grade english teacher gave us the same assignment. Mrs. Mastriano.. hands down the best teacher in my highschool thedancingman01/29/13 11:33 PM +770 Finally someone gets the irony in Fight Club. Reply was82101/29/13 10:07 PM 00 Omg Reply outreiged01/29/13 09:47 PM +660 This article sums up my thoughts exactly as of late. Thank you, sir, for saying the st that needs to be said. I'm tired of doing nothing for other people. A year from now I would like to have planted a plant and successfully grown it. It's stupid, but it's a start. And that plant better be f*g thriving.

Reply BritCrackHead01/30/13 05:26 AM +330 Probably best not a cannabis plant though. Just saying. zaisisaac01/29/13 02:08 PM +110 In one year, I will learn a new language for programming (hopefully 2 or 3) and a new conversational language (probably Russian). See you in 11 months Isaac. Reply Weekyl01/29/13 05:38 PM +220 ???? alexrosl02/04/13 11:11 AM 00 ??????? ???? ?? ??? - ???, ???????, ?????) ????, ??? ???????? DanielThompson01/29/13 12:45 PM +220 Interesting stuff. I have a question: In working to be useful to others, how do I avoid becoming their slave? Not literally, but just (theoretically) spending my whole life running round satisfying the needs of others. I don't know, is that a good life? I mean, you could say that modern day slaves are useful to others, but they're still treated like st and live a life of suffering. Please explain. Cheers. Reply ANOKNUSA01/29/13 07:43 PM +990 Wong is saying that, relative to other individuals in society, your own self-worth and sense of accomplishment are determined by your actions and how people value them, not by your beliefs about yourself. It's a basic principle of both the social contract (for lack of a better term) and human nature. Like it or not, every individual is judged by their actions. This isn't hard to understand, given a little thought: Everyone knows that one person who says "No one has the right to judge me!" That person is herself passing judgement on the actions of others, while expecting the rest of society to abide by an arbitrary double-standard. "You're a dick, but I'm a great person; the things you do piss me off, but I deserve your respect for merely being born into this world as a human being." Mature, responsible, respectable, dignified and decent adults just don't think that way, because they're mature, responsible, respectable, dignified and decent enough to understand that actions count for more

than words and even moreso than mere thoughts. Where the whole "becoming a better person" business comes in is in the fact that, in recognizing that others have much the same expectations of their fellow humans as you yourself do of others, you're likely to become a much humbler, more stoic, more courteous, more ambitious and more respectful/respectable person. To count for something in this life, you need to do something with this life. It's not a matter of becoming enslaved by the demands of others, but merely accomplishing something other people would rightly think is a worthwhile expense of time and effort. Yes--you're expected to impress people--but not necessarily for the sake of other people any more than yourself; again, it's about making something of this life while you can. Existentialists would call this "authenticity." You aren't required by some moral imperative to necessarily spend your life pleasing others, nor do you need to turn into a huge jerk like Aleck up there. But, in the end, it's true: No one gives a footling fraction of a st about the "nice guy" twat who sat around with his thumbs up his tight ass and never accomplished a damn thing, moaning on and on about how "everyone else lamed out and got successful" while he's "keepin' it real." And with that, you may all make fun of my long-winded horseshit, 'cuz horseshit is all I accomplished in the last five minutes. bugmenot1005Election 2012 02/01/13 09:39 PM 00 You can't seriously think that doing something of value to other people will force you to spend your whole life on the needs of others. Is that how you see other people? Are the friends & co-workers who do things you find valuable doing nothing except trying to meet your needs? Because I doubt it. I'm willing to bet that they have hobbies and interests that are solely about what they want. This is not a legit question. If you honestly refuse to be useful to other people because you think it will enslave you then you need more help than a comment section can give you. But really what you're saying here is, "Why should I have to do things for other people? That's not faaaaair! I'm not their SLAVE, man!" TheFlump01/29/13 12:09 PM +220 this time in one year from now I will have created the best pseudonym for myself. Reply DanelRamirez01/29/13 09:10 AM +230 Thank you! Reply JinderMahal01/29/13 06:16 AM +121 This article scarily described me and my mindset when I was in my early 20's to a tee. Reply

O.Z. Ozmen01/29/13 02:13 AM +330 Hey David Wong you inspired me man. Not that there is anything I didn't know in here, but it was a real PUSH for me to create something, do something instead of consuming other peoples stuff. Now after one and a half month since I read this I am keeping up with my resolution list. I even mentioned this article in the 'new video log' I started. Keep up the good work! You are the MAN! Reply Mr.Mirage01/29/13 01:59 AM +121 I am now, here, going to say it: I am going to become a professional hit man. Not just ANY but THE MOST AMAZING AWESOME hit man f*g ever! Wong dies at the end.... no. Wait. That isn't awesome, that is stupid. Telling everyone, even him (well, him if he read the comments)... not awesome or amazing, just another clod with the desire to kill... that is pointless. fk it. I will become the best gamer playing Dead Island. Or not. Close or close not. Or maybe I'll read Atlas Shrugged again... Reply LindyShelton01/28/13 11:13 PM 00 I enjoyed this quite a bit. Thank you! Reply SherwoodForest01/28/13 09:13 PM +110 Thanks for this article. I'm exploring starting my own business. This help me kill off some of the butterflies churning in my gut. SF Reply MykaelJay01/28/13 08:54 PM +110 I do need to learn programming... Reply theluckyfrog01/28/13 07:13 PM +330

I'm not sure the secret to being fulfilled is as simple as being productive. Bosses, ideally, value you for the quality of the work you do. But I think personal relationships have the largest effect on how people feel about themselves, and I think there are people who, in spite of how sweet and helpful they are, in spite of whether they join clubs or learn languages, in spite of how crucial their careers are to the survival of the human race, just don't end up excelling in that field. Maybe its because they lack the ability to make small talk; maybe its because they aren't funny (everyones top preferred quality in a partner), or maybe its because they dont show emotions well and thus dont invite peoples sympathy. Some of the highest achieving people in the world are also the most lonely. Reply Rangjop01/28/13 05:02 PM 00 Oh, and like many others in a similar situation, I comforted myself in the thought that there are at least many others in a similar situation. fk that. fk the others. fk me. I'm going to do something about it. Reply Rangjop01/28/13 04:50 PM +16160 I've been reading Cracked for a long time now, and I've just created this account to comment on this article. I've been f*g depressed about my life for years, because I didn't do anything about it and rise to my full potential. I'm apathetic, I drink too much alcohol, and I've been blaming my depression for exactly those things that make me depressed about myself. And I knew the full irony of that. But it's like you said, the human mind has layers and layers of excuses not to change anything about itself. I want to say, that this article motivated me like nothing else. It's like almost every sentence was directed at my personal situation and hit home like a sledgehammer. This is the first time in years, that I actually feel positive about my prospects in life, and I have the strong will to actually change my life TOMORROW (it's nighttime here and I'm going to bed in half an hour) without pushing that decision further and further into the future (as in: never) Thank you so much. Reply tytoon01/29/13 05:38 PM 011 Hows it going with that whole life changing thing? nived3201/28/13 04:48 PM +330

"What are you going to do with it? Hunt witches or kick off the Olympics?" Wow, that's quite powerful! This was one of the best articles I've ever read. Great job! Reply fisherv01/28/13 04:19 PM +770 If you start saying this exact thing to every college or university in America, hipsters could be extinct by, like, 2020. Reply Psynox01/28/13 02:57 PM +770 I once read somewhere, that when you're staring down the barrel of a gun, your whole life flashes you by. Hold on to it, and you can live an entire lifetime in that moment. This article had a somewhat similar effect on me, and I'm saddened by the fact that I didn't like what I saw. But anyway, here's to hoping that I will have finished learning russian and will have published by the end of the year. Thank you David for keeping it real Reply GeminiMishy01/28/13 02:09 PM +330 Everything about this is fantastic. Thank you David. :) Reply TheGreatKlong01/28/13 02:01 PM +660 This could well be the ultimate cracked article. I salute you sir. Reply CoyDog01/28/13 01:55 PM -111 anthropology at its best.....an enjoyable read....reminds me of the "Edgar Allan Poe House of Usher Analogy" where people are putting their personality into other bodies, as a virus replicates and wants your helix, and some want to be absorbed and destroyed. as a woman pets her lover and the dog in the same motion, how a mother looks to the royal family or president in awe, they are ionized, they do not exist anymore...." My fellow traveler marveled at the pyramids and those who built them, as I marvelled at the dunes, and those who built them." Reply jdh321101/28/13 01:14 PM +220 I'm going to get a novel published this year. Why?

Because f*ck you. I have the talent, the will, and a shitload of ideas that I want people to talk(bitch) about. Reply PoliVamp01/28/13 01:05 PM +220 Every time I read this, I get annoyed by the casual comment that Alec Baldwin got an Academy Award nomination for Glengarry Glen Ross. He didn't. He only has 1 nomnination to his name and that was for The Cooler. Other than that, great article. Reply TREYN01/28/13 10:18 AM -14216 This is hilarious. I have two options. 1.) accept this as written, call out the obvious neoliberal jack-assery of this piece, because people do not, in fact, exist entirely to serve. Their value is not determined by their utility to other people. Who they are, what they want, what they do -- that does actually matter, at least to them. or 2.) I call shenanigans. Because I've read some of this author's other pieces, and the only response is to call B$%#S$#^. The author is a full-on Tumblr-style 'social justice warrior' (you know, the kind that spouts feminist rhetoric endlessly, but thinks nothing of using classist terms like 'white trash'). He doesn't get to have it both ways. If he is allowed to have his pie-in-the-sky ideals, then so is everyone else. He doesn't get to tell them to grow up and be realistic. He doesn't get a special carve-out for his vision of a gender-free, neo-urban, upper-middle class utopia. Either he accepts that candy-land fantasies are legitimate, or he doesn't. So: Shenanigans! ReplyHide AllSee All 5 Replies MaxwellX01/28/13 01:12 PM +660 Holy crap, I hope this was written in irony. I almost dont want to write this reply because it seems too perfectly retarded to be serious. if so, you have my undieing respect. otherwise: 1) Focusing on the Tone to Avoid Hearing the Content 2) Focusing on the Messenger to Avoid Hearing the Message Strait from the article you JUST READ. David Wong is a legend. HjernesprengElection 2012 01/28/13 03:45 PM +440 Exactly as Maxwell said. Treyn did EXACTLY what the author made an open prediction about IN THE ARTICLE that Treyn supposedly read.

BritCrackHead01/28/13 08:57 AM +440 Take my next Krav grade, start advanced driving lessons, control my anger better. See you in '14.... Reply ChiquitaBanana01/28/13 06:45 PM +330 Go for it! You can do it! Edgar CabreraElection 2012 01/28/13 08:52 AM +770 This article made me have these two reactions: One is a sense of reluctance because I know I'm going to learn something terrible about myself. The other is this sense of duty to learn something terrible about myself so I can be, as the title says, a better person. BUT... while I like him because he's showing me how to be a better person, I simultanely hate him because he's showing off his superiority by knowing more about this than I do. BUT... he's writing it in such an understanding tone, constantly comparing the entries to ways he fucked this up himself, that I feel sympathetic again. Thank you David, you're my angel. Reply responseElection 2012 01/28/13 07:39 AM +220 One of Mr. Wong's better philosophical advice columns. Regarding earning money, on one end you can be someone who does a lot for a small group of people (doctor) or you can be someone who does a little for a whole lot of people (mutual funds manager) - both can get you rich. Where as someone who does a little for a small group of people (technical support technician) will get you paid fairly minimal. It's always been that way and it should stay that way. A doctor shouldn't get paid the same as a technical support technician... just like a spouse should earn more love and respect than a friend - I suppose that makes a mutual funds manager a gigolo or hooker or something. Reply Chris_Chua01/28/13 07:09 AM 00 Thank you. :) Reply CorosiveFrog01/28/13 06:50 AM 033

"Why do girls have sex with jerks?" Let's change this to "why do guys fall for an awesome body with nothing else to offer"? Both are true, let me explain; Organized society hates sex to the point of making everyone believe that one's potency in bed must be invertedly proportional to everything else in that person. In short, sex is evil, so people good at it must be evil and the more evil a person is, the better she is in bed. Society's thoughts, not mine. Reply archos5801/28/13 09:45 PM 00 No. Its that crazy people have 0 inhibitions and will do damn near everything. The problem is, after you're done fg crazy...you're stuck dealing with someone who is fg crazy. Cookie10101/28/13 05:23 AM 00 Mind Blown Reply rzazanis01/28/13 03:57 AM +132 My skill is somehow still liking Human Beings after living 30 years on planet Earth. It's the only skill I know that degrades the more you work on it. So, if you say it is pathetic to just claim you're a "nice person" since it is the minimum of what is expected of us, how bad is it that my claim to fame is "not a murderer"? You are correct Mr. Wong. I need more skills to impress all these fuckin' pieces of shit. Somehow, not killing them is just not enough... Reply bomb_kid01/28/13 01:38 AM +110 Id
like to paint something that I really like and can hang in my room. Just so you know, I have no skill in drawing/painting, but its something I always wanted to do. Make

yourself proud, woman! Reply laurajt101/27/13 08:56 PM +550 My Mom used to always say "Don't these people realize who I think I am?" Reply RuthlesslyInane01/27/13 06:39 PM +231 I have always thought that I was so interesting and talented and yet haven't I produced jack squat. I am

resentful for being treated like an average dick head while at work. Why won't people realize how special and gifted I am? Oh, that's right. I have done nothing to earn respect or praise. Shit. I guess I'd better get to work. Reply Marioiii01/27/13 06:08 PM +330 This is awesome. Can't say that it's easy, but it's definitely true. No one wants a dog that just barks Reply MazenAbdallah01/27/13 05:53 AM +110 The interesting thing about the Glengarry Glen Ross scene is that it puts so much pressure on them that they want to get results no matter what. But none of them actually becomes a better real estate agent and sells property like a pro (something that is most likely impossible because their employers gave them sy land nobody wants to buy), they just lie, cheat and steal. So in the end nobody actually 'got out there and sold', they just tried to con their way into getting the job done. Or more accurately they decided to ignore Alec Baldwin's genius advice to sell land nobody wanted to buy and they stole the good real estate. And with regards to Fight Club, Tyler Durden and Ed Norton made money by stealing plastic surgery fat and blackmailing a company respectively (both of those things are illegal). Nearly every Palahniuk character has a clever and duplicitous way of making money (it's the basis for the title of Choke). None of them have jobs, they're essentially con artists. The whole idea is that working is for suckers and you can probably find a way to get some cash that involves much less actual work, and it will free you up for much more meaningful pursuits. Durden also pointed out that the main reason people have jobs is to buy st they don't need - which means if you don't want to buy things it kinda doesn't matter what you do as long as you can pull in some cash. He just needed a job to pay the bills (not sure which bills though cause he lived in an abandoned house) Because if you're working your ass off you'll just end up with a bunch of useless stuff and no real substance. I, of course, disagree with this sentiment, I love buying stuff and I understand money makes for a much better quality of life so we should go for it. It's just not the Durden mentality. Reply Petronec01/27/13 06:37 AM +440 None of that said anything about the article itself. Perhaps you'd be happier on a movie forum? Last1oftheJedi01/27/13 01:28 AM +880 It might be me, but from reading the comments, i think some people might've missed the point here. The author isn't suggesting anything negative about being a good person. Just that society requires us to have skills so we can be better people. The parabole (i know, spelling, my one weakness...) with the guy and the pocket knife is as apt as it comes. You can have all the positive, loving intent in the world, but without the skills to back it up, you're just well meaning, instead of well doing. So, if you really want to be that awesome, generous soul, improve yourself. We can all improve ourselves. no one is perfect. Sure, it

comes off rough, like a football coach (another analogy the author uses), but the intent, the meaning behind the artical rings true. With that, i will now go study a dictonary so i can comment with proper english e.e; Reply Tbd199601/26/13 10:17 PM +990 "It's not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you." Everybody I think David Wong is secretly Batman. Reply evilisgood01/26/13 09:37 PM +220 This was harsh, but I needed it. Thank you for your tough love. Reply D-Ranger01/26/13 05:15 PM +121 Also, I am guessing you are not very old so the world has not beaten this lesson into you yet. But nice, loyal, considerate people are incredibly hard to find. Reply Petronec01/27/13 06:37 AM +220 So? jpbond0401/27/13 08:41 PM +220 To elaborate on what Petronee said, who cares how hard those people are to find? Can they close or not? Eluffdragon01/26/13 02:23 PM +110 Made an account for this, so congrats David. :) You're a good motivator. This is a note to myself for later this year: Okay, so you typed a huge paragraph and decided not to bore yourself with quite as much detail, because fk the things that make you sad, and you already had most of the lessons straight. The point is, this article reminded you that being an awesome person who is satisfied with their life begins by never ceasing the action of working to become /more/ awesome. fk, you went all out on Halloween last year and put together a Dr. Rockso costume that was definitely not shitty. You don't need to be told so many times that you're an interesting person, so you should stop forgetting that. Remember that you feed on doing crazy st like the duck-quack butt-fuck guy in the video, because doing that way-out-there st feels way better than sitting still. Just keep polishing the corners on what you like about yourself, and

what others like about you. Don't try to change the core of who you are, just produce more of the good parts of it. Now that you've come back and read the article once more, meditate on what you've polished. Meditate on just /why/ you're happy. Reap your spoils. Have a drink or something. Now then, reply to yourself. Make another letter and message-in-a-bottle that st to yourself a few more months away. Now that I think about it, that sounds like a good thing to do every few months, just to make sure you're still on track. Make this thread a testament to the amazingness of your life, and how satisfied you are with it /because/ of the work /you/ put into it. Create a non-ending cycle of satisfaction and wanting more from yourself. Inspire others that read it. Show yourself and anyone else that decides to take the time to read your long-ass, overly detailed writing what good dirt you've got with the good fruit that you grow. If this page gets deleted, or the whole internet is gone for whatever reason, chisel this st on a rock if you have to. You get the point. About to finally take a f*g shower, Elijah. Reply juliegattenio01/26/13 08:32 AM +110 This is an excellent article! There is so much truth in what you say. A lot of it is harsh, but it's fair. Reply SimskiElection 2012 01/26/13 12:31 AM +330 I just watched Glengarry Glen Ross and now I'm wondering wether Mr. Wong got the point of the movie. ReplyHide AllSee All 4 Replies HowboutBBQribs01/26/13 10:41 AM +330 That's not really relevant; he didn't use the meaning of the entire movie to explain his views, just that one famous scene. Greyfox7865901/26/13 12:00 PM +242 Funny he uses one scene when the rest of the movie tells the evils of that philosophy. Last1oftheJedi01/25/13 09:16 PM +110 That's tough love right there. Impressive, most impressive. Reply SpookySean01/25/13 03:50 PM +440

Thanks for this article. Sometimes I need outside influences to in essence, tell me to "shut up and go do shit." Reply peachisinmendo01/25/13 03:04 PM +220 I do believe I forgot to mention, the only thing better I've seen today than this article is that video of the corgy going down the stairs. Reply peachisinmendo01/25/13 02:55 PM 00 Hell, my phone didn't even submit my fantastic comment. In short, this rules. Words of truth, worded so eloquently, I have to say this is one of my favorite pieces of literature. Reply peachisinmendo01/25/13 02:52 PM 00 My phone auto corrected me there, I suppose 'write for crackle' wouldnt have a button on here Reply Wereboar01/25/13 06:04 AM -112 I disagree with the Fight Club reference. "You are not your job" means exactly that - job requires some skill or approach to the customer. When you check out, you may forgive about it and be someone completely different. Remember that Tyler Durden is shown as an etrepreneur - a giy who runs his owne business exactlyinthewayhewants_. This is a major difference - it was him who shaped his job, not the other way around. By the way, this is why many pragmatists loathe the 'team building excersises' or 'company events'. They treat the job as a place they earn money and although they remain civil with coworkers (because it's easier and more productive), they do not necessarily treat them as friends. They got friends they have chosen somewhere else. And you know what's really funny? We've run some research among students and young employees and it come out that people classified as 'nerds' usually have no trouble with such behaviour at all. They treated other 'hip'* guys as a necessary class companions but remained focused on their learning and after school they meet with their 'nerdy' friends that are their real frieds. Such people tend to complain about professional atmosphere in the workplace. They know that the job is where you work, plain and simple. *Yup, I'm so old I use such words. Reply nenacolada01/25/13 03:44 AM +440 For the most part, I think this advice is spot-on. But I don't think that there are only two reactions to the

Alec Baldwin video, "bitter or motivated." Personally, I am not motivated by someone yelling at and threatening me. That doesn't mean that NOTHING motivates me and I sit around scratching my ass all day. It means I work hard and am successful in a career that is more introvert-friendly than high-pressure phone sales. You don't have to be Mr. Aggro Rah-Rah Alpha Ahole - or find him motivating - to achieve something. Reply AlexiosGavrilos01/24/13 09:46 PM +880 What a great article - I actually did just download that video of Alec Baldwin and really do use it as my alarm now. I start Air Force pilot training exactly one year from today....between now and then I'll graduate from the USAF Academy, commission as a Lieutenant, and do some other cool shit. My goal is to get good at Russian (I'm barely above "suck" right now) by then. See you next year. And thanks again Reply alexrosl01/25/13 03:29 AM +550 I have the opposite problem: I want to learn English well. And yes, I'm from Russia :-) About the article: I think there aren't many ideas (and also may be they are not very original) in it but every of them is really hard to get by self. Author has opened my eyes! rissxElection 2012 01/25/13 02:30 PM +660 alex- you speak english better than 90% of the english people born in america I know wendigoElection 2012 01/24/13 06:23 PM +341 Well. Just because I don't bring this up too often, now seems like a good time. Don't throw your electronics away. Recycle them! The materials used are rare and costly, and all too finite. By recycling your electronics, you help reduce the costs of all electronics! And you even get to avoid some ecological damage at the same time, for no extra cost. Everyone here wants cheaper electronics right? No one here wants to have leaded water to drink, do they? Didnt think so. So hold on to your old electronics and recycle them. Reply Petronec01/27/13 06:44 AM +110

Don't tell us to recycle, just do it yourself. Now was a bad time to bring this up archos5801/27/13 07:05 PM +220 In what world did this seem like a good time? muhbuhtuh01/24/13 06:19 PM 00 it wasnt until a few weeks ago i realized the things you posted here. seeing this article just confirms it. thank you! Reply sharmaine7301/24/13 05:26 PM +330 This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you. Reply N1(0|eElection 2012 01/24/13 04:17 PM +330 Ok, I'm going to write a fanfiction that other people will enjoy! (Does that count?) Reply bugmenot1005Election 2012 01/25/13 11:23 AM +440 I think that perhaps it would be more fulfilling to do like George Lucas, whom instead of doing a fan-fic of "Flash Gordon" (a fanfic he intended to earn from by negotiating the copyrights), did "Star Wars" instead. Or Alan Moore who did watchmen with his own nearly-equivalent replacements instead of using the characters he was told to use. (See "5 Pop Culture Classics Created Out of Laziness" on Cracked). Somewhat like a plagiarism, but you use only the core of the characters, and change their bells and whistles as you wish. wrongbanana01/24/13 01:41 PM 022 Can't help but wonder how many people read this article, got pumped, and then forgot about it. Or remembered it later and felt even worse for being a big dumb failure. Reply peacemotion01/24/13 10:08 PM +440 Aren't you a bucket of sunshine? rissxElection 2012 01/25/13 02:29 PM +220 sometimes i skim through articles on Cracked cuz they're usually just dumb jokes about cocks, Australia or Teddy Roosevelt,

but I come back to read this one word for f*g word on a regular basis. seeing as it's the most read article of the "Greatest Hits" section, I don't think regular readers have forgotten yet. baycrum26701/24/13 12:44 PM +330 Tough but inspiring. Just what I needed. Reply arithseam01/24/13 11:50 AM 00 John dies at the end is now in theater im excited to see it Reply VinzenzStemberg01/24/13 11:17 AM -303 "All of society is the bleeding gunshot victim." Truer words have never been spoken! Unfortunately I think it's far past the point of salvation. We need to put it down like a lame horse, so lets dig that bullet out so I can put it back into my pistol, and we'll try this again... Reply trainman6401/24/13 07:35 AM -809 sycopath,being an ae does pay off. being more selfish does too.. esp if you have skills, which i have in fg spades. never act like you need p*y,because ya dont. Reply Redbob9901/26/13 05:40 PM +110 Psychopath. :P syc0path01/24/13 06:55 AM +583 I agree w/ the article -- being a nice guy isn't enough to get a girl. But being a nice guy who knows how to do things isn't enough either. If that's all u have to offer a girl, then congratulations, u just bought yourself a 1-way ticket to the friend zone. While there, u will fix her computer, help her w/ her homework, and provide a shoulder to cry on while she complains about the guy she's having sex with -- who of course isn't u. No, u will subsist on a strict diet of internet porn, masturbation, and the occassional hug from the woman of your dreams. And when she finally does meet Mr. Right (who, again, won't be u), guess what? She won't need u anymore. And he's certainly not gonna want u around. At that point, u will be unceremoniously dumped from her life. Do I sound bitter? It's becuz I speak from bitter experience.

So what do women want? Well it may sound old-fashioned or even sexist, but the fact is that most women expect the man to take the lead. This comes naturally to assholes -- they only think about themselves, so they never take the time to consider what she wants. THAT is the real reason why so many hot girls date assholes. Assholes just do what they want to do, and automatically take the lead as a consequence. But nice guys are so busy trying to figure out what she wants and how to give it to her that they never take the lead. Trying too hard to please her also gives her the impression that u don't have any other prospects, which makes u look desperate, and that's not attractive. I'm sure some of u are saying "But I really am a nice guy, and I don't want to be an asshole." Well good, nor should u. But that doesn't mean u have to be a spineless py either. And it doesn't mean that u can't take the lead. I would summarize my approach as "Don't ask, tell". In other words, don't say "Do u wanna go to the movies Saturday?", say "We should go to the movies Saturday." And don't say "What do u want to see?", say "I'm really interested in Zero Dark Thirty" or whatever movie u want to see. If she really has a strong objection, she'll let u know -- becuz u'r not an ae and u've left it open for discussion. But more than likely, she'll follow your lead. Apply this concept to all your interactions with girls that u'r interested in and u'll have much better luck. No, this isn't a magic bullet, and no, every girl u know won't be begging u for a date. In fact, the girls u know already have an opinion of u, and that's hard to change. That's the main reason why it's so hard to escape from the friend zone. But the next time u meet a girl who is even remotely interested in u, this approach will give u a much better chance of actually going out w/ her. ReplyHide AllSee All 6 Replies Frfrerrff01/24/13 11:09 AM -213 bla bla bla baycrum26701/24/13 12:45 PM -213 Or some girls like to take the lead. krisfuckingtina01/24/13 05:41 AM 00 BRAVO :) Reply steelmouthElection 2012 01/24/13 05:26 AM +220 wow best article ever, not funny but very informative. all this st is true and there is just so much of me in what he is saying but the sad part is am not goner change any time soon though i know better that being nice wont get me st but i will take your challenge am getting me 2 new skills this year Reply steelmouthElection 2012 01/24/13 04:12 AM 00

my career is NOT going great, am NOT thrilled with mylife and am NOT happy with my relationships damn i guess the article is meant for me, i better start reading Reply O_MalleyElection 2012 01/24/13 01:26 AM 00 I like how this article made me angry to begin with, then slowly inspired. I definately felt inspired by the end. Made a list of things to do this year, already working on crossing them off. Reply SpikeSpiegel01/23/13 11:24 PM +440 It remind me of Bradbury (RIP): "When I was a boy my grandfather died, and he was a sculptor. He was also a very kind man who had a lot of love to give the world, and he helped clean up the slum in our town; and he made toys for us and he did a million things in his lifetime; he was always busy with his hands. And when he died, I suddenly realized I wasn't crying for him at all, but for the things he did. I cried because he would never do them again, he would never carve another piece of wood or help us raise doves and pigeons in the back yard or play the violin the way he did, or tell us jokes the way he did. He was part of us and when he died, all the actions stopped dead and there was no one to do them just the way he did. He was individual. He was an important man. I've never gotten over his death. Often I think, what wonderful carvings never came to birth because he died. How many jokes are missing from the world, and how many homing pigeons untouched by his hands. He shaped the world. He did things to the world. The world was bankrupted of ten million fine actions the night he passed on." Great article! Reply BeerSexESPN01/23/13 10:43 PM +110 very inspiring Reply Inkblot46201/23/13 09:33 PM +220 Fk it. I'm down. You made some very good points in this article, and (thankfully) I've been making an effort to get out of my narcissistic-pittypotty-poor-me-oh-what-a-world-everything-sucks-and-I'm-notgood-enough-or-I'm-too-weird-or-whatever-to-make-any-kind-of-impact-that's-worth-a-damn funk, and this actually made a lot of sense to me. I can relate to almost all of it. So, yes, I'd even like to check in a year from now to share an update on whatever progress I may or may not have made by then. Although, hopefully I become so pro-active with bettering my life that I stop spending so much damn time reading your articles, and I'm too consumed by my own work that I completely forget about this altogether. Either way, thanks for writing this. I'm going to log off and go make something now. :-D Reply

tardzan01/23/13 10:11 AM +121 Overall I think this is great advice, but I have one major criticism, which is that I don't think a person's self-worth should stem entirely from their accomplishments. If loving yourself is contingent upon achieving some goal, then every failure (which happen to all of us) will make you feel worthless. This kind of attitude is threatening to anyone's well-being or future success, as it results in anxiety that inhibits one from attempting challenges that might damage self-esteem. Furthermore, I would argue that when the stakes are so high, our performance suffers because we become distracted by our self-evaluations. I think this problem undermines the intent of the advice given in the article, because telling kids that nobody will love them unless they do some cool st only serves to perpetuate the anxiety that discourages them from attempting cool st in the first place. I honestly believe that one has to have unconditional love for oneself in order to even get the ball rolling. Understand that lasting happiness requires noble deeds, but love yourself regardless of what happens. Reply Carol Martin01/23/13 08:13 PM +330 Okay, seriously, David Wong is not telling you you're a complete failure if you don't build a monument or find a cure for the common cold next week. He's saying you'll feel better if you set goals and do something to reach them. Every step is a success because it's a step. Even if it didn't work out the way you hoped or planned, just look for another step and take it. I know I'm a lot happier when I can see something I've done today - anything. Written a good story, helped a friend move, brought my kid's homework to her at school, made a great dinner, designed an awesome catapult or figured out the answer to a tough question. Think about the limitless possibilities for success when the only way you can fail is by doing nothing. archos5801/23/13 09:11 PM +330 You've kind of missed the point. You don't have to be a dazzling success to be valued, but you do have to contribute, whether that is volunteer work or software development, if you do nothing for the world, why should the world value you? Edisdead01/23/13 07:07 AM -14115 This is the worst article in Cracked history. Seriously. This is the equivalent of having someone screaming in your ear to do better constantly, like a gym teacher or something. I'm glad everyone who enjoyed this article is blessed with brilliant mental health where they can go out and do everything they can without wanting to kill themselves every day and where getting up out of bed is not an achievement but a daily occurrence, good for you. Not everyone has it that easy. And yeah, I prefer my 'self help' to be nice to me, to coddle me, to tell me I'm doing okay but could do better. But you know what? That doesn't make me a bad person because I don't respond to this kind of shit. Reply el_zorrillo01/23/13 08:55 AM +891 you can't say this is like having someone constantly screaming in your ear. this is more like an adult sit-

down talk where you're being challenged to ask yourself "are you just making excuses in order to avoid feeling bad or are you gonna be realistic about things?" no, not everyone who responds to this has it easy. in fact, if someone did have it easy they probably wouldn't respond to this st because it wouldn't apply to them. they obviously have things going their way. this article is actually intended for those who don't have it easy but are also their own worst enemy by convincing themselves that there's nothing they can do about it. archos5801/23/13 09:12 PM +451 I'm with zorillo. Its not screaming, its frank adult conversation about the real world. If you don't respond well to that...well frankly the author, and by extension his work on this one, is not where the problem lies. timnester01/23/13 05:28 AM 00 very well done....and inspirational. Now I have to go find some corgis to push down the stairs.....and figure out what I did with my video camera Reply KaZu001/23/13 04:32 AM 00 Bookmarked the page! Now.. lets go film a porno! Reply GrahamMarco01/23/13 02:07 AM 033 "You have nothing to lose, and the world needs you." No it doesn't. There are too many people. So much for harsh realism. ReplyHide AllSee All 3 Replies theotherskady01/23/13 11:35 AM +220 yes, we get it. To your society you are nothing but an expendable drone. Now, shut up and keep consuming. Whorlwind01/23/13 03:25 PM +440 The world needs "you" if you're one of the few willing to get off your ass and produce something, make some contribution to humanity, be it in arts, science, business, love, or what have you. What there are too many of is people half asleep. theotherskady01/23/13 12:33 AM 00 There are many ways that lead to happiness. The one mentioned in the article is merely the most preached in our daily life (after all, society is a self-serving b*h as noted here). Anyways, whatever you do (regardless of whether it is good or bad) just be ready to always live with the consequences of your

choices. otherwise misery is unavoidable. Reply redcordelia01/22/13 08:59 PM +220 I wish someone had told me this years ago, but at that point I probably would have called them mean and crawled away to seethe about it. Now I receptive. Bravo. Reply jgraft051Election 2012 01/22/13 08:15 PM +121 This is the best cracked article ive read Reply archos5801/22/13 07:42 PM +110 I reread this article regularly. Reply MissMoppet01/22/13 08:08 AM +440 I have read this article a half dozen times and it's as brilliant as it ever was. My New Year resolutions were based on it (The Year of DO SOMETHING) and I have shared it with my friends over and over online and in real life. And, I actually quit lurking on Cracked and registered an account just to thank the writer. Because seriously, it's harsh and it's awesome. I have so many single friends content to sit back and do the "bare minimum" of being nice and thinking that eventually someone will fall into their lap because they happen to be nice. It's not enough. When I was internet dating, I rejected anyone whose ad consisted of whining about what they didn't want (no crazy bitches who set my clothes on fire or sell the dog to...) and even those whose ad consisted solely of what they did want (I want someone who will love my foot stink unconditionally...), because they weren't selling me on why I would want them. A list of all the things you think you deserve is not sexy or interesting. What you offer, what you'll bring to the table, be it back rubs, the willingness to take trips or play board games, those are the things that draw someone in. This article is full of truths I already knew, but it's concentrated truth. "Be someone interesting and useful. You'll feel better." Reply Redbob9901/26/13 05:57 PM +110 I read about a study once, where the applications of people trying to get a certain job were reviewed. Of all the applicants, only one's application was about what she could do for the company (i;e i'm a very hard working, I would love to help make your company money), all the other's were about themselves. Needless to say, the one lady's application was the one that was accepted. I think the same thing applies

with relationships (and the rest of life). :) Like you were saying, someone that writes on their profile that they want this in a relationship, or are looking for that, etc, are not as enticing as someone saying what they can do (i.e. I enjoy playing board games, i am a certified massouse, etc.). Van1k01/21/13 11:54 PM +110 I love this article... I have shared it with friends and have applied it in everything I am doing recently and MY GOD has it totally improved my life! Thank yoooouuuuu! Reply FeuerderNacht01/21/13 11:52 PM +220 Hmm... I cleaned my room right after reading this. Now it's my homepage. Hopefully every time I go to waste time on the internet, this article will remind me to go out and get st done. Reply girlx01/21/13 10:15 PM +440 Unfortunately, inside I am a lazy b*h :( Reply hitlerhaditall01/21/13 09:32 PM -628 I think the world would be a more valuable place if you would all go kill yourselves instead of following these 6 steps. Reply hitlerhaditall01/21/13 09:33 PM -606 Especially the jews hitlerhaditall01/22/13 08:44 AM -314 Too soon? CrossFortune01/21/13 09:07 PM +880 Thank you. Joining the forum thread. I'm tired of where I am, and I might as well get started working on fixing it. Maybe I can be a positive influence on someone else, too. Reply cbrinkmann198101/21/13 08:43 PM +451 Lest someone ends up posting this "argument" again, I'll just cut it off at the pass.

A few weeks ago someone posted on here and basically said "Look Wong, we don't fight selfimprovement. We all go through self-improvement every day. We just don't know what to do with it." If I cared enough to find it I would, but I don't. To anyone who agrees with that person, here's my response to that. Even if you're right, even if Wong was off the mark about how our brains handle self-improvement, you're still in the exact same situation either way - the end result is the same. If you're fighting self-improvement and you decide to remain where you're at, you have gained zero net worth. If you improve every day but you do nothing with it because you're afraid of it, don't know what to do with it, hate it, whatever, that also results in a zero net gain in your personal worth. So it's like having a forked road with both roads coming back on each other. Whether you turn left or right, you still end up in the same place. Reply DarkIntent01/21/13 08:25 PM +330 I'm gonna... actually, nah, I think I'm good. Going to school this year (to learn a useful, marketable trade no less), I've already started a fitness regimen and have been keeping to it as well as is possible, and I'm still keeping up my solemn vow to only stab three people per week for pissing me off. Reply hitlerhaditall01/21/13 09:29 PM 033 I find that stabbing local stray cats gives almost the same rush of endorphins as actual people hitlerhaditall01/21/13 07:55 PM -606 Waa waaa waa!!! My life sucks how do I fix it???? I'm a b*h in heat tell me what to swallow. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! IMA whiney SNARK, tell me how to be COOOOL!!!! Reply drcohen01/22/13 12:21 PM +330 Rx: suicide RightofWay01/21/13 07:45 PM +121 And how despite the protests, the company continues to sell millions of sandwiches every day? It's not because the country agrees with them; it's because they do their job of making delicious sandwiches well. And that's all that matters. Actually, a large part of the country DOES agree with them - 32 states worth, going by the ballot box -

and that DOES matter. Or did you miss out on "Chik-fil-A" day last year, when tens of thousands of people visited their local CFA to support their anti-gay-marriage position? The only people who assume that the country doesn't agree with CFA's take on gay marriage are those who believe every word GLAAD's PR department spews out. Otherwise, great article. Loved it. Reply traci_arrrrrr01/22/13 01:44 AM 011 While that may be true, about a large part of the country being against same sex marriage, it is more true that a large part of the country is populated by mouth breathing morons. hitlerhaditall01/22/13 08:43 AM -123 Traci- I don't know what orifice you breath from but you can try to suck air from my penis? dandoherty01/21/13 07:11 PM 011 for some years now just about the only positive thing in my life has been studying karate and judo. so yes i think this dude has it right. i will make my resolution to finally start competing in tournaments. also to take back up my stalled study of japanese. Reply hitlerhaditall01/21/13 07:44 PM -123 Have you tried masturbating? hitlerhaditall01/21/13 07:08 PM 011 Goops123, I never said I didn't have any money and camping isn't the only skill I have. My point was that I feel fulfilled in my life without having to impress others. I also never implied that I stagnate sitting around the house doing nothing all day. I set my own goals and make my own standards. I develop, progress and have creative outlets. I have my own thoughts and my own plans. Because of this, comments like yours don't do much to bring me down much. I assume your a tool becasue your priorities are so skewed. "Close" st all day you're still guna be a douchebag and you know it's true. Any one who needs to be told how to feel important has simply not got it and that includes you. I could write a list on here of every single little thing that makes me special, every little "talent" that could potentially impress someone but why would I bother? I love a good debate. I am not particularly fond of kissing ass, showing off or impressing people. I know that I am the best of the best. I can honestly say that I have never encountered my better but whether you believe that or not is inconcequintail. My family won't starve and we won't be living in a tent by any means. I guess my entire reason for commenting on this at all was out of a curiosity, a question.= (((((Do most people believe themselves to be inferior?)))) I (obviously) believe myself to be a god and I guess I just can't wrap my head around this type of thinking that one is "damaged" or subpar based on popular opinion. I guess some people are leaders and some people are followers? Some people like goops123 and the author of this

article, are clearly of the mindset that their life's mean nothing if there are no witnesses, no "paparazzi" to validate there worth. Your attacking my arguments under the assumption that i can't contribute much to my family, that we will eventually be homless and that my life is only filled with lazy game playing etc. You cant know how wrong these assumptions would be and there is nothing that you or anyone else could do/say to me that would make me feel like im inferior. You can impress other people all day and your still guna hate yourself... and probably everyone else. You supporters of this article oughta look into making yourself happy, find out what's important to you and OWN it. Or don't I don't care...whatever floats your f*g boat. In my experience you don't change peoples minds I was born and raised with a god complex and it feels good. THE POWER, OH fk >THE POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ReplyHide AllSee All 7 Replies DarkIntent01/21/13 08:01 PM +330 Just out of curiosity, do you realize just how much of an insufferable, narcissistic, worthless douche bag that post made you sound? And that's a sincere question, not criticism or sarcasm; after reading this post, my initial reaction is that I'd probably want to tear your throat out if forced to be in the same room with you. DarkIntent01/21/13 08:03 PM +330 Yeah, nevermind, you're another goddamned troll. Should've figured by the account name. C'mon man, at least have some f*g pride in your trolling. Try something new. RezRising01/21/13 07:04 PM +770 I'm already an awesome massage therapist, and this year I'm going to learn how to repair an elevator, and how to be more diplomatic at my job. Thanks David! Reply hitlerhaditall01/21/13 07:49 PM -112 You sound like a b*h :) Eat st and die? hitlerhaditall01/21/13 07:56 PM 011 I wouldn't let you massage my ass. BAM Goops12301/21/13 05:49 PM +341 This article is spot on, and the author in my opinion hit the nail on the head. Society only wants you for what you offer them ie. fruit tree dirt and that bullshit, which I agree with, and certain people will read this and their brains automatically want to defend their actions and stay miserable. However one point the author missed out was in fact society needs these people who mope around all day doing nothing but their menial labour, and sit in their own squalor thinking the world owes them a favour or some st, because with out the these useless members of society the simplest st wont get done, like the rubbish (trash coz

u lot in USA) wouldn't be collected, supermarkets wouldn't have shelf stackers, sewers would overflow, drugs wouldn't be sold etc etc... I read a comment where the bloke is attacking the author (just like the author stated) by saying who the f is he to tell HIM how to live HIS life. The comment goes on to say his missus (I'm from uk) is gorgeous and he hasn't had a job in five years and the kicker, he has a 5month old baby. Oh he has a fulfilling life playin video games and camping. Ironically his love of camping is probably his one saving grace when he ain't (I told you I'm from uk) got no money or house or food. But that's fine coz his happiness in himself will surely be enough. By the way I'm a closer, I close st all the time, u get me. And another thing to all the writers at cracked, stop thinking we in merry ol' England sit on our fg arses (ass?) all day in the pissing rain devouring endless amounts of tea and crumpets/scones/biscuits. We don't! Love the site keep it up cheery ho Reply hitlerhaditall01/21/13 07:48 PM -303 fk you wanker hitlerhaditall01/21/13 04:42 PM -617 What makes the author assume that my life sucks? I found this article to be utter crap and only clicked the link out of curiosity. I am not one of these people who feels the need for constant social reassurance. I don't need my friends to tell me I'm cool. I don't need to learn to play the fg BANJO in order to add HUMAN VALUE to my life! I havent had a job in 5 yrs, dropped out of college and maintain minimul social connections. Yet I am happy with myself, in fact I'm a bit of an egomaiac and I don't care. I do what makes me happy and am generally polite to others I have a hot fiance who loves camping and video games and together we have a beautiful 5 month old baby. The value of a person is not defined by the number of languages they learn or by the amount of friends one has. The value of a person is defined by ones self and if you have low self-esteem then chances are this s*y article inst going to change that. At the end of your life your dead and you won't even get a chance to look at all the trophies you won. No one will care how many vacuums you sold or how many women you bedded. I'm happy with myself for now and consider my time to be more valuable than anyone else's. This article was written by a conformist tool, attempting to tell other spinless whelps how to fit in and "be important". Sorry kids you are only ever going to be as important as you think you are. ReplyHide AllSee All 8 Replies RezRising01/21/13 07:01 PM +220 You were dead in the water with your first sentence you poor sorry sonofabitch.... dandoherty01/21/13 07:08 PM 00 he did say that if your life was fine you should stop reading right at the beginning. MandJ201201/21/13 04:20 PM +110 I love this article for its brutal honesty, but the only thing that I was thinking after reading every truth heading was, "No shit".

Reply Carrion_Pigeon01/21/13 01:30 PM +330 Multiple things.. first off, love your work, was a little sad watching the movie because I saw no shadow men and the scene in the plane was probably my favorite scene from JDatE, but still great.. Inasmuch as I was near tears at the end (thanks for the barrel roll, my manliness is preserved), I will say this: I'm gonna try. Thank you for this article. Reply TheGoldenGeek01/21/13 01:17 PM +121 This year I'll keep on beatboxing, start creating things from material (if I get the cash to do it) and hopefully start growing plants/herbs. I will also do things I don't want to every day until my brain goes "nononon... OK.", so one day I can say I'm a master in willpower with level 99 errythang! Reply Z-TFU01/21/13 01:05 PM +770 I'm a salesman, so this article is pretty awesome. Wish I'd get that speech on occasion Reply DetachedIrony01/21/13 09:50 AM +440 First off, this article speaks the truth. For the most part. The one thing with which I don't agree is the people consciously choose to be in misery. It's true that misery is easy and happiness requires hard work, though I don't think that it's that they've chosen to remain miserable but that they don't realize this. I'm not saying that you were saying that those people want to be miserable (or maybe you were, idk) but I just wanted to put that out there. Again, brilliant article. To slap people (including me) in the face with the inconvenient truth no one else will tell them is mighty decent of you. Thank you. Reply archos5801/22/13 07:36 PM +110 Its not really that they choose misery deliberately as they choose to continue doing the things they do and being who they are, even when both of those things bring misery to themselves. Its not like that movie "Scary Movie" where a girl sees a sign pointing to "safety", and another pointing to "horrible death", and she picks the horrible death scene instead. People get comfortable with excuses, and that begins early in life. As kids, we might have parents or other adults to kick our asses into gear and not accept excuses, but as adults, unless we have a boss on the job doing it, we have nobody but ourselves...that same self that

keeps making the excuses in the first place. So they make the excuse, and simply do not change. gemini198401/21/13 08:37 AM 00 technically an uninformed, snarky post is still a contribution and up for criticism-pretty brave if you ask me. Also, maybe just being my sy, loser self inspires countless people to be better-pretty altruistic. Reply gemini198401/21/13 08:11 AM -213 if you just give women money, they'll have sex with you and let you videotape it. Reply BeardedJustice01/21/13 05:52 AM -639 Mr. Wong, your patronizing, self-indulgent, know-it-all articles have no place on this haven of silly humor, useless facts, and refreshing sarcasm. Please, go back to writing for the blog nobody reads. ReplyHide AllSee All 4 Replies Z-TFU01/21/13 12:59 PM +110 if you're trolling, this is good work lol RezRising01/21/13 07:06 PM +110 @ Bearded ...said the internet commentator to the senior editor... DefYouth01/20/13 10:34 PM -527 Go watch another movie, Wong, and tell us how it taught you everything that is wrong with everyone else and, uh, even you...but of course, that was in 1995. Now you're perfect, right? fk off. ReplyHide AllSee All 3 Replies erge1sElection 2012 01/21/13 06:51 AM +990 He hit one of your nerves, didn't he? cbrinkmann198101/21/13 08:38 PM +340 Yet another person who proves Wong 100% right. Love it! yarnbomber01/20/13 10:03 PM +770 Time for my weekly-ish check in. I have learned how to operate two new (to me) consoles that make robot lights dance during live concerts. Dance, my minions, DANCE!

Reply c4dance01/20/13 08:13 PM +451 Yikes Stripes!!! If your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/feline or K9 partner/Chia Pet/insertcompanion-of-your-choice-here ever breaks your heart or decides to move to Saturn or something I will totally marry you. I've never internet-proposed to anyone before, nor have I ever left a comment on a blog, so this is a big day for me! Thank you for writing this article and mentally kicking my ass. Not only did I almost choke from laughing several times, but this was exactly what I've needed/wanted to hear for a long time. I'm going to go sell someone's house now.....or maybe I'll start with my dance practice and cleaning out the closet. Thanks!!! Reply GrossenschwammElection 2012 01/20/13 08:02 PM +660 A while ago, I feel every fiber of my being would've rejected this article and I would've written an angry, yet impotent comment about how none of it is true - possibly capping it off with an ad hominem argument. However, I find myself agreeing with the points presented at this moment. It's funny how people change, given enough betrayal and buried rage. Reply callmegomer01/20/13 05:17 PM +550 After being in management for 40+ years I am willing to bet that those that criticize this article are young, idealistic and lacking in business experience. I have trained over 100 junior managers and those that succeeded understood the principals in this article. (though maybe not realizing it.) Why is any business in business? Not to produce wonderful products or services. That is a side benefit. You don't run a lawn service because you love grass. You don't open a restaurant to sell fantastic Italian food. You don't create an ABS system because you want to save lives. You do it to make money and a profit. Because if you don't make a profit, it won't matter to anyone how nice the lawn is, how good the food is or how safe the car is because you won't be open for business. Please give me an example of anyone who is successful and losing money. Do you have to be a jerk, a cruel person or bastard to succeed? No, but you cannot be someone who says, "It's OK to be late four times." Or " everyone should get a 50 percent discount because I like them." Or "so what if your project is off by 3 grand, you tried hard, didn't you?" Not a troll here, just a challenge: so give me an example of how I might be wrong. And the "I am lonely but a nice guy" ? point made by DW is spot on also. Reply andreguantanamo01/20/13 06:45 PM +121 "Please give me an an example of anyone who is successful and losing money" Nikola Tesla (RIP) thread/

Seriously though, you have worked as a manager for 40+ years which makes me very suspicious of you especially since you more or less infer that idealism is necessarily a negative trait of the critics of this article. I for one liked this article but probably for different reasons than you; you can be young idealistic and lacking in business experience and still adhere to its principles. Your worldview seems to be be resentful of those who didn't sell out their higher aspirations to be a manager for 40+ years like you. I don't think you understand motivation either. It has been demonstrated that money only motivates mundane repetitive things like your lawn or restaurant example. But something like ABS, or any other countless life-improving technologies? Well there is something more than monetary motivation. Hence, my mention of Nikola Tesla and his work. Or that Reddit founder who died recently and wanted to make an open source world regarding knowledge. Or MLK who only wanted to make the world a better place and certainly didnt get paid for it. I get it, money is your God; but don't assume its everyone else's. Best, Andre RezRising01/21/13 07:11 PM 00 @Andre I think you missed his point. Idealism is fine, but you gotta have a little Steve Jobs in you to make it happen. Here in NYC, there are plenty of people who think/thought like you. They're called "homeless". carp01/20/13 11:16 AM 044 Jesus. Christ. This is still super-popular? I guess packaging things people want to hear as mean, realistic, gritty advice sells. Here's a good general tip: It doesn't count as a "harsh truth" if it boils down to "You should be more selfish and think less about what other people feel and want." ReplyHide AllSee All 5 Replies thedome01/20/13 11:29 AM +144 You nailed it carp. This piece started off strong, telling youth to be useful or be ignored, and went out soft, with some feelgood crap about "get started on your first novel". Fadoss01/20/13 05:10 PM -145 It's a harsh truth to people who blindly believe in a socialist welfare state and think the world owes them something. Harmonex01/19/13 10:47 PM +550 I got up to four "impressive" things, but they are fairly weak. Still, they did produce something.

This year, I plan to start working on my Bachelor's degree (I finished my Associate's last summer). I'm funded with grants, but I need a job to afford travel to/from the campus. I have a list of places I would like to work that I have the skill-set for, and I hope to be employed within a month. Next year I intend to be halfway through my Bachelor's degree, continuing my plans to become a professor or physicist, or both. In the mean-time, I will continue my self-study of Python/C++. While both can be useful in the physics field, C++ will also let me work on my game-design hobby. Maybe by next year I won't live in my mom's apartment anymore. Reply EmpressNatalie01/19/13 10:38 PM +330 Before I started reading the full article, I made the Impressive 5 list. (Took forever, as you predicted.) But I suppose I'm better off now than I was in previous years, since I couldn't have posted 4 of them before. Some of them you mentioned in the article, so that was alright. My New Skill of 2013 shall be floral design. Don't laugh; I'm training for a better position at my job. (Hopefully.) }:) Reply 2cyn01/19/13 09:56 PM -123 IMHO, I think the world would be a much better place if people did things they're actually good at, rather than learning a set of arbitrary skills so people will have sex with you, as if you're somehow automatically entitled to sex by virtue of your skills. Reply Fadoss01/20/13 05:11 PM +440 If you're good at it and you can get other people to value it enough to pay for it, then good on you. 2cyn01/19/13 09:40 PM -8210 All I can say is, if I'd listened to people like you, I would probably be completely miserable right now. I'd be doing st I hate all because of people like you telling me I "need to get laid" or the completely bullshit idea that a woman automatically HAS to fk me just because I happen to be good at playing the guitar or have a lot of money or any other form of achievement? Or the idea that success in life is determined by how many women I've fucked. To be honest, I think people like you are to blame for the world being such a fucked-up place. People have skills and talents that they should use for a job they're good at, but people like you say, nope, it doesn't matter unless you're getting money or getting laid. Don't follow your dreams, don't have ambitions, yada yada yada... if I believed that, I'd probably be stuck

in some sy dead-end job right now. I'd know jack st about the things I really care for. I'd know nothing about cooking, cleaning, gardening or anything else. I'd have no skills at all. Now, I know you're all going to downvote me, call me a f*g faggot, tell me to kill myself, tell me I deserve to get raped, tell me that I'm going to die alone, so let me tell you something: Your resistance only makes me strive harder. You tell me I shouldn't go out of my way to help people? That makes me want to help people You tell me I'll never fulfill my dreams? That makes me want to fulfill my dreams. You tell me to kill myself? That makes me want to keep living. So go ahead and hurl every nasty word in the book at me, because you will only ever strengthen my resolve to be a good person. ReplyHide AllSee All 5 Replies andreguantanamo01/19/13 09:52 PM +550 dude, mebbe re read the article hes saying its NOT about the money and getting girls to fk you is only the ancillary benefit you seem like someone who is motivated with a plan so chances are youre probably not someone who needed the wake up call I dont think its about ending up in a sy dead end job either. In fact that would be self defeating. I think hes saying BE better. If you think youre a nice person or good or sweet or honest or compassionate then SHOW & PROVE. That make sense? Demeter01/19/13 10:12 PM +220 Are you f*g retarded, or do you just not know how to read? He used money and sex as an example, but in general he was talking about how your value in life is measured in what you can give back to society. If you "help people" as you say you do, you're already doing something of worth. The article is for people that feel like they're alone and miserable because they're misunderstood, when in reality they feel depressed because they're worthless, and they don't strive to improve themselves because they think appealing to the bare minimum of human decency should be enough. You don't have to be a f*g surgeon womanizer to be happy in life, just do something that you can be proud

of instead of trying to drown yourself in self-pity every single day, and hoping that some day people will realize what a cool guy you are. andreguantanamo01/19/13 09:35 PM +220 This summer I am either going to learn to be an expert horserider or expert hiking guide (depending on which job accepts me) and the following fall winter I am going to become an expert snowboarder by moving to either Banff or Whistler ad immersing myself in it. You have my word And my axe And my bow Good article. I can see how something like this would have cut me to the quick a few years when I was doing fk all. For the past few years I have been doing more and I am the happier for it. It gets to a point where you start doing so much and have so much going on in your life that you stop thinking in terms of "what can I offer?" Rather, the fact that you bring something to the table becomes a given. Its like the difference between two guys working the same job: one guy worries about making rent for the month where the other guy worries how much more than rent he can make and stash for later. Not to simply reduce it to financial terms but as the great pimp, Andrew "Stonewall" Jackson said, "He who thinks in terms of catching mice will never catch lions" Definitely a good point about it "not being about money." Those who criticize women for only wanting guys with money are deluding themselves just like those who think that winning the lottery would change their lives. Its not about making money its about doing what you want to do, not just thinking about it. Like Courage Wolf said, DO IT FAGGOT!!! Reply RuneK01/19/13 08:15 PM +110 My feels hurt. This was really good. I haven't subscribed to your writings David but every time I read something by you, I like it and sometimes like now I am moved by it. That doesn't mean jack st though. I've been telling myself there are many things in my life I need to accomplish, that I just need to wait for a few things to happen to get the ball rolling. Problem is I'm not really helping those few things. I still don't know what I need to do for me to accomplish that, so I sit and watch YT videos and comment the internet, play games, and some other tasks to distract me and provide me a modicum of enjoyment before sleep. Perhaps I need to search a little, no, a lot harder. Reply jswans01/19/13 05:47 PM +110 Would it be okay then for me to value people for only what I could get from them? For example, if I am a doctor and capable of saving that person, why should I if I'm not getting anything out of it? And might get

blood on my designer jacket. I think the writer should preface this by saying that in terms of employment you are only worth what you can do, not in terms of absolute value as a human being. Reply Demeter01/19/13 10:23 PM +220 Knowing that if it wasn't for you, that person would have died. It may not be physical gratification, but you're still getting something out of helping someone. The reality is that every single creature on the face of the earth is selfish, no one does anything unless they get something, ANYTHING, back from it. That's doesn't mean that you aren't a good person for donating to a charity or saving someone's life, but you didn't do those things because of the inherent goodness in your heart and soul, you did because it made you feel better about yourself. jswans01/20/13 10:43 AM +110 @Demeter I disagree that the only reason people help other people is so that they can feel better about themselves, but even if you're right, then other people do get something, in this case a whole lot, out of a persons desire to feel like a good person. The doctor gets a tiny fleeting feeling, the person gets to live. Not exactly an even swap. Some people do things at great cost to themselves and they don't do them for money or respect or a warm fuzzy feeling inside. They do them because they're the right thing to do. blackmichael7501/19/13 04:06 PM -325 Awful reactionary fascist power-worshipping capitalistic American rubbish. Be yourself, and fk everyone else. I for one don't look at my fellow humans only for what instrumental use they are to me, and if you do, you're a sociopath and big time creep. ReplyHide AllSee All 5 Replies TubG01/19/13 05:05 PM 011 It's hard to hear the truth... phanamasaElection 2012 01/19/13 05:17 PM +550 I didn't find any idea of power-worshipping capitalism in this argument personally. To me the argument is that there is fulfillment in providing for others (specifically the people you care about) with skills only you have and things only you can make/get. Now I'm no expert but I'm betting that doing that will make you feel immensely better about yourself and there are benefits of doing such things that will come back to you throughout your life; the approval of anyone else is just extra. Tobsonator01/19/13 03:06 PM +10100 "How much of your time is spent consuming things other people made (TV, music, video games, websites) versus making your own? Only one of those adds to your value as a human being." Thank you, David. Because of this line I have started to write my first article for the newspaper of my

University, although English is not my first language, and I know that, even if the article might never be published, it has value because I created it and it is a product of my skills that no one can take away! Regarding girls, for 23 years I had the impression that I had to please all the women I fancied and had to tend to their desires to make them love me. I complained that they never loved me back, although I was such a nice guy with such a good personality. After 5 failed attempts to win the heart of a girl, I could not take it anymore, so after that, I purely focussed on transforming myself into someone that could offer something to the ladies: I learned to play the guitar and I started working out. I learned many romantic songs on guitar and I bulked up, making the step from a shy and weedy boy to a confident and muscular man who could look at his image in the mirror and say: Youre looking good! That gave me a lot of confidence, so when I met the girl of my dreams 2 years later, I knew that I had something to offer to her, and I knew that I was worthy of winning her heart. I believe it was not the fact that I could play the guitar for her, or my improved looks that made her fall in love with me, but the fact, that I knew what I had to offer; I had the power and the ability to "close" and I was not afraid to take what I wanted. We will have been together for one year in February and I am so glad for my decision to change a couple of years ago. Because it may sound weird, but sometimes you have to change yourself according to the vision of who you want to be, to make a girl love you for who you truly are! I know every person is different, but I believe in the power of human agency; so if you want to do something, just do it. Like David said, the way is the goal, and even getting up and taking controll of your life will do a lot for you! Reply seanvfarrelljrElection 2012 01/19/13 12:27 PM +220 Ayn Rand would be proud of you, David. Reply andreguantanamo01/19/13 09:42 PM -101 Ayn Rand, in spite of her complete misunderstanding of economics and human motivation, actually had some interesting ideas with regard to morality. Would she like this article? Not sure, certainly she would not like the part where he says that its not about making money. Beyond that , I dont know... Fadoss01/20/13 05:15 PM 00 Ayn Rand was right. :) People should stop being pussies. sneakygriff01/19/13 11:53 AM +770 Best article on cracked! hands down! Thanks man. I hope it smacks some people on the head with knowledge. Luckily I came to some of these realizations myself over the past years so I can't say it's news, but damn, such a good read! Reply fmb55501/19/13 10:04 AM +880

Possibly the most helpful article on the internet, thank you. Reply newpotty01/19/13 08:07 AM 00 Very well written article! Point #1 should not be underestimated. Recommended reading on that topic is "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield. Reply PanacheElection 2012 01/19/13 04:48 AM +110 I believe #1 is not completely true but it depends on your perspective. The world is definitely cold and mercenary at times (eg like most landlord/tenant or boss/employee relationships) but there are plenty of people who put their lives on the line when they could have done something else with their life (eg emergency services) or who volunteer to look after sick or needy people. Moreover it is simply not possible to care about the lives of everyone else you meet, from the bus driver to the guy selling theatre tickets etc, however many are concerned enough to help those who have had an accident or even in minor ways like returning something inadvertently dropped, and not expect a reward. You do, however, have your own problems to deal with and the people that do actually care stand out, we call them 'friends'. Reply AlchemyBusiness01/19/13 03:31 AM +110 I demand fire to cracked this man...because he is clearly a cold stone with fine weathered edge. No, that was not a come-on. I submit that a year from now, I will atleast learn about marine safety, so that I'll be that much closer to owning my own workboat. Thanks Dave! @BusinessAlchemy Reply SeolaElection 2012 01/18/13 11:41 PM +110 This: "Pretty girls have guys being nice to them 36 times a day." works for ugly chicks like me too. Though not all relationship-oriented, dudes of varying hotness think if they are nice to the ugly chicks, they can get them in the sack. Not all of us fat, ugly chicks really care either - we care about all the above. Most of us know that we won't be able to marry you anyway so if you don't do anything else either, mopping up after you isn't all that great anyway. Now... if you're opening line was something along the lines of "I like face sitters" - then we see some immediate benefit for at the least a one-night stand. :D Reply dude7865401/18/13 11:01 PM +440 I appreciate this article. You spoke the truth I needed to hear this bluntly so I could get out of this landslide of a life I've been living. I am 18 years old, I'm from Puerto Rico, and I recently started studying

Chemical Engineering (I'm on my first year of college), and I live in fear of hate towards myself for doing so little, for comforting myself with such a sedentary and uninteresting life. This article was a huge ground-breaker for me, since it points out something I had not realized until now, and is what I can most relate to in what you write; the way the people around you influence in every decision you make, and how non-doers, so to speak, parasitically feed off dragging you down with them. My biggest goals in life are: to be a professional in a career of my passion that will provide me with enough economic stability to live a happy life, to build a happy family, to work on the States, and other goals I've set to steer me in the right direction. But my biggest Goal, is to be a famous singer/songwriter. I've loved singing since as long as I can remember, and I've done it for that same amount of time, presenting on stages and everything, although mostly school presentations, I always feel so happy when I do it. I feel complete when on stage. But as of lately I keep getting these doubts, things that didn't happen when I was a child, because innocence clouded my view and protected me from public's judging gaze. Looking back I see that when I was younger, everyone that knew me would acknowledge my skills as a singer, and now i notice how those same people look different when I sing, criticizing every note I make. These are the kids I grew up with. I've grown self-conscious and begun to doubt if I was made to be an artist or it was just a dream because of this, not to mention because of how every other person my age strongly believes he's a famous artist in one way or another. I now realize that the change I could see in the people around me is the reflection of the desire they have to be doing something like I am. Simply people my age can't stand the fact I seem to be getting somewhere with my life whilst they are stuck. I have so much, SO much, to improve with my writing skills and my talents as a musician... There always is room for improvement. But after reading this, I promise to myself that I will never let go of the Guitar, the Piano, the Ukulele, the Bass, the Voice, or the Notebook. I will be stronger than comfort, and make improvement my way of life. Thank you, David Wong, for helping me move forward. Sincerely, Raymond Cotto Ps: thanks really, this was a great article. Reply Glace122101/18/13 10:46 PM 00 It might be late, but what about this? The fact that no matter how well-intended something you do is or how much of an accident it is or how sorry you are and no matter how big or small the mistake is, when you do something wrong, especially when it pisses someone off or screws someone over, people are gonna expect you to either apologize, make it better, suffer the consequences (whether if the consequences are appropriate or not), or some combination of these, and that even when you do apologize, or try to make it better, or suffer consequences, you still may not be forgiven. Some exceptions might be made if you're, you know, famous or of some high authority or something like that. Reply LBJustice01/18/13 08:58 PM +330

Balls. I wanted to be inspired and join the forum, but I guess the first skill I need to develop is learning how to post in a forum. Reply DaveyDave01/18/13 06:44 PM +880 This article kicks ass! It took me years to figure this st out and now, at 29 years old, I am 6 months in to a 4 year engineering degree that will enable me to cut that f*g slug out and stitch the wound. I have never commented on here before but wanted to share my opinion; that there is enough truth in these pages so as any one can take from them a worthwhile message, that if things aren't right in your world, change them, change, learn. Good skills mate. Reply staceym020601/18/13 05:21 PM +220 Mind=blown That was brilliant. Well done sir. Reply disposablething01/18/13 03:11 PM 011 Thank you. Please do not take this as just another comment, I realize this article was made party in jest. Nevertheless, I applaud you for writing this. Thank you. Reply Mrio01/18/13 12:14 PM +110 I demand Cracked to fire this man. Joke aside, this article is amazing. Thanks for writing it, Internet Man. Reply TBoguszewski01/18/13 02:35 AM +550 This tapped into things I've been thinking and writing about for a long time. It reminded me of some lessons I'd forgotten, and snapped the whole thing together. I'm super grateful for this. Accepting these lessons can be really hard because I think our culture sets us up for life quite backwards. Growing up I was inordinately talented and productive, so I got a ton of outward support, but when I hit the "real world" I realized I'd had self-motivation spoiled out of me and crashed pretty hard. I found myself asking these part-philosophical, part-total-asshole questions like "Why do we act at all? What's in

it for us? Why can't we just be ourselves?" Here's what I learned: You want to be yourself? Then express your potential, go out and USE your talents, use every trick in your repertoire, do everything you can and give everything you've got. Don't do it because you "have to" or because it "benefits" you, do it because it's simply better to do it than not do it. Then you're participating, then you're alive. I can do a ton of things. I can paint, act, make movies, draw comics, write and teach. So why haven't I done anything beyond the most perfunctory freelance work in almost a year? Had I forgotten that creating is something you "do" rather than have done to/for you? Tomorrow I'm driving myself down to my studio and inventing something that will brighten people's days. It's a Minnesota winter here, god knows my community needs a jolt. Reply thedome01/18/13 04:59 PM -538 I've got an idea, TBoge. Instead of wasting your time "painting, acting, making movies, drawing comics, writing", why don't you do something of actual value to humanity? No one cares about your dreams of making it in a creative field...those dreams are the product of your narcissism-inducing upbringing and are shared by your entire generation. Outgrow them early and focus on others, not yourself. You mentioned teaching...that's a good start, as long as you're teaching something of concrete value. Be a doctor and go fight cholera in Nicaragua...be a paramedic and pull people out of wrecks...be a carpenter and build houses to live in....be a social worker and help the poor navigate the bureaucratic maze..be an inventor and come up with a better mousetrap. ANYTHING at all, as long as it's not the same old, same old fame-dream, "i am an artiste" nonsense that has swallowed this entire hipster generation whole! SeolaElection 2012 01/18/13 11:46 PM +550 Dome - the entire point of the article isn't just that you have to be a doctor. Plenty of people make a decent living doing some session work across the country, whether it's painting portraits for snobs, guitar on an indie album or whatever, etc. The point is to DO SOMETHING rather than opine about how you could do it if you want to. Not everyone wants to be a doctor - I have the stomach for it, but me and science f*g loathe each other. I'm going into elementary teaching because of my own personal reason, not because I "want" to teach for some altruistic reason for my own benefit. I mean damn, inventors can live far shittier than some people who can paint or play an instrument. The dude that invented the freaking pet rock made oodles of cash, while a guy who invents a cure for anything gets a pittance because the research was funded before all that. ComedicReliever01/17/13 11:28 PM +660 YES!! I DID IT!!! I got through 20 work emails this last week, equivolent to approximately 20 hours of work, which was the

goal I had set out for myself. This is the fourth week I've had that goal, and the first time I actually managed to reach it. I am very proud of myself for getting through it, and I have this article to thank for giving me the motivation in the first place. But now I'm still having the same goal for this next week as well, to get through 20 of my work emails by next Thursday. Having that deadline, and having to check in on this site to admit whether I finished it or not, has given me the accountibility that I needed to stop loafing around and get this work done. See you guys next Thursday to let you all know how I did that week! Reply Pes0_4201/17/13 08:49 PM +330 Great article! I agree with you, and think the mentality you expressed will help me much when considering situations in the future. I will attempt to hone my writing skills over the next year, with the eventual goal of writing articles for Cracked. Reply spideywoman701/17/13 03:53 PM +220 I agree with most of what you said here in the article. Heck, it's motivating me, and I'm one of those happy people that you told not to read on, but decided to read on anyway. :) I think it's important to learn the value of working hard. That's basically what you're saying. A good work ethic of learning, and doing, and being productive, and making a difference. That's all well and good. I totally agree with you there. Many people will benefit from reading this article. And I'm glad that you made a point to say that it does matter what you are on the inside, because it does matter. I don't care what you do well, if you're an a*e at heart, you will not be a part of my life. A jerky salesmen will rarely ever/ never get my business. Even if what he does is the best work. I'll settle for a little less than best to find on honest guy/gal whom I can trust, for that is rare in business. Too many people willing to screw you over, if you let them. So yes it does matter what you are on the inside!! But ya, get out there and make something of yourself is good, and become more than just saying your a "nice guy". I only have one beef with you, and that is the comment you made about the us Christians who say we'll pray for you, and then do nothing else. Prayer is more than anything else I could do for another. Yes, Jesus said that a tree will be judged by it's fruit, but He also said that without Him you can do nothing (John 15:5b). One will bare much fruit if one abides in the Vine. This may sound like gibberish to most of you, but I didn't say it. Jesus did! Find out what it means if you want to know, but basically what I'm saying is that it's impossible to help every person that comes across your path. I can't give to every charity, and I can't help every orphan or give to every tragedy that comes across the news. But what I can do is pray for everyone of those things that cross my path. I'm not big enough to handle every crisis, or help everyone in need. But God is! By praying I'm asking God to step in and do what I can't. I can't go to Africa, but God can. He can make anything happen! So don't knock those who pray. They're doing more for you than you could ever do for yourself. Obviously, if I am able, I will help, I will give. I have given, and helped where I could, and still do. As I mentioned before, I am not the one who is unhappy. I am very happy and content with my life. And it is because what Christ has done in my life that has made me so. Nothing I could ever do for myself can compare with what He's done for me. Now, having said all that, I still plan on getting good at something else within a year, because I think that is great advice! I want to become a writer, because I enjoy it! Now I will get to writing as often as

possible, and get as good as I can get! :) So thanks for the advice! Reply UnafraidSugar01/17/13 02:34 PM +330 This article is the reason I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years. I knew he was always a nice person and totally in love with me but it is easier to say it than to prove it... Reply macrelan01/17/13 02:05 PM +330 All well and good, but David Wong doesn't mention the ramifications of Alec Baldwin's character's motivational speech: under increased pressure to close deals, some salesman resorted to unethical practices. David Mamet's play can't be boiled down to a "get tough or get out" talk it is largely about what lengths people will go to in order to make it in a difficult situation. What does it mean to be top dog in a dog-eat-dog world? Is it worth it to gain an advantage by stepping on other people's necks? I know David Wong is not writing theater criticism that he was using a handy, trenchant popular culture example but maybe some other example would have been better. Reply wasted_youth01/17/13 12:48 PM 011 "...what's wrong with hipsters on food stamps is that these are college educated people who should be able to get jobs, not live off the state. They're not black, after all. Hell, one of the two in the article is even Asian." Another insightful excerpt from the blog quoted. Still... not sure if serious or... Sorry, but if people were judged by their skills, worth, and usefulness to society, we wouldn't have "reality TV stars." Work hard all you want, suckers. Reply lok2301/17/13 01:29 PM +330 The majority of actors on TV are on TV because they are good at getting people to watch their show. "Reality TV stars" are no different. They are good at getting the audience's attention because they make people feel better about themselves. People complain all the time about how this show sucks and how the people on it are stupid. Yet they continue to watch the show, because the failings of the actors make them feel better. "I may not have a job, but at least I'm not as bad as honey boo boo" ohmygoat01/17/13 12:36 PM 00

Thanks for your input. I really liked the article. You spoke many truths, some of which I already knew but needed a little push to really show themselves. I'm going to think about what you've wrote and think of a way of applying it into my lifestyle. Thanks. Reply Lanajs01/17/13 10:44 AM 00 F*cking looooooove this! Going to share it with the world (ok, my slice of the world). Thank you! Reply insolent01/17/13 10:25 AM +110 Good article. You've served up a heaping plate of burning, heartburn-inducing truth, and you did it with style. I'm going to try and create something this year. Reply mtchsdwll01/17/13 03:53 AM +110 I just watched some show called "The Daily Buzz" on the CW almost verbatim rip off this article. Did they have permission to do that? Reply UlukaiElection 2012 01/17/13 02:13 AM 011 today is january 17th. In a year from now i will learn to talk, read, listen, and write in english at 100% and not at the regular level i am of today. (i'm sure there is something wrong in this comment...so WTF, that's the whole point.) Reply Orion.Pax01/18/13 11:45 AM 00 Capitals, amigo. Today I I I'm. Aside from WTF, which would be slang/acronym, the rest is all good. unimportant101/16/13 07:23 PM +132 I don't know. I've always assumed and lived by most of these things, but the world is getting more touchyfeely by the minute. I just got fired from my job -- a job at which I was awesome. I did twice as much work and made a tenth as many mistakes as anyone else. I jumped to get training to pick up new skills and knowledge while everyone else was content to stick with what they knew. I put time and effort into getting better at my job while other people did the bare minimum and spent the rest of the day on Facebook. Then I criticized a coworker for doing her job poorly, and I got fired because I hurt her feelings! At least where I worked, feelings count more than results.

ReplyHide AllSee All 3 Replies Workaway1101/16/13 09:04 PM +473 I bet you didnt tell her she was doing her job poorly. I bet you told her she was "fucking useless" or some crap like that. People who talk about how amazing they are even though they got fired are usually living in the dreamworld that this article is trying to help you get out of. Read it again. Maybe you are good at your job. Maybe you really are twice as good at it than that lady. But if you make yourself an impossible p*k to work with, they'll fire you anyways. Why? Because they spend 40+ hours a week with you, and if you're a douche, it's either fire you or eat a bullet. unimportant101/17/13 02:01 PM +220 That's really not how it went down, but let's say it was. Going with Wong's analogy of a bleeding gunshot victim, if someone came out of the crowd, pointed to the confused guy with a pocket knife, and said, "This guy has no medical training -- he's f*g useless. I'm a surgeon who went to Harvard Medical School; I'll do it," would you want him to operate, or would you tell him to get lost because you think he's a douche? fail_zombieElection 2012 01/16/13 06:27 PM +121 Honestly, at the rate things are going I think I could just sit around and do nothing and people would still think I'm doing something. Everyone already thinks I'm something I'm not. This isn't even a "nobody understands me" thing. Literally 3 people in the past 2 weeks have expressed surprise upon finding out that I'm right-handed. These are people I work with on projects all the time; two I've done group projects with for years. I have never said I'm left-handed before. One was indifferent to this discovery, but the two were acting like their mind had just been blown entirely out of their heads, like my supposedly being left-handed was some universal truth. I don't get it. Is it really that shocking? And why did they think it in the first place? Have I entered an alternate reality? That's not to say this article wasn't thought-provoking. I do plan to try to stop procrastinating so much (said as I ignore my paper due tomorrow), and hopefully improve my writing and grades. Reply HugglePuffles01/16/13 05:42 PM 00 Hello. Good day. Reply More Comments Trending Now The 5 Craziest Ways Famous Actors Got into Character6 Ridiculous Myths About the Middle Ages Everyone Believes5 So-Called Signs of Genius That Any Idiot Can Learn

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110368 by infoaddicted (infoaddicted) at 201301-08 03:12:37 (4 weeks ago) - [Quote]

Joined: Sat, Jun 30 2007 R: 1.77 6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person Read more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-betterperson/#ixzz2HLleBluP Marcus Aurelius - "Do not act as if you were going to live ten thousand years. Death hangs over you. While you live, while it is in your power, be good." Back to top

110370 by wiraha (Power User) at 2013-01-08 11:29:57 (4 weeks ago) - [Quote]

Joined: Mon, May 14 2007 R: 1.71 this is fucking brilliant: Quote: Because in my non-expert opinion, you don't hate yourself because you have low self-esteem, or because other people were mean to you. You hate yourself because you don't do anything. Not even you can just "love you for you". Do the math: How much of your time is spent consuming things other people made (TV, music, video games, websites) versus making your own? The human mind is a miracle, and you will never see it spring more beautifully into action than when it is fighting against evidence that it needs to change. Remember, misery is comfortable. It's why so many people prefer it. Happiness takes effort. Also, courage. It's incredibly comforting to know that as long as you don't create anything in your life, then nobody can attack the thing you created. As long as they never produce anything, it will forever be perfect and beyond reproach. Or if they do produce something, they'll make sure they do it with detached irony. They'll make it intentionally bad to make it clear to everyone else that this isn't their real effort. Their real effort would have been amazing. Not like the shit you made. Back to top

110373 by coolclay (Power User) at 2013-01-08 14:14:52 (4 weeks ago) - [Quote]

Joined: Thu, Aug 26 2010 R: 1,497.99 First prize is a cadilac Seccond, steak knives third, fired. Take the third prize. If all you live for is money, there is something wrong with you. Last edited by coolclay at 2013-01-08 21:21:20 Would you like some good karma? Do something good today. Back to top

110375 by wiraha (Power User) at 2013-01-08 15:17:27 (4 weeks ago) - [Quote]

Joined: Mon, May 14 2007 R: 1.71 coolclay wrote: If all you live for is money, there is something wrong with you. they are in sales. that's their job. that's the difference between job/business and a hobby job/business is to get money. it's about being pro - and pros get paid Back to top

110376 by Humiliation (User) at 2013-01-08 19:02:23 (3 weeks ago) - [Quote]

Joined: Thu, Nov 29 2012 R: 6.74 Great. Fucking. Share. Period. Back to top

110377 by Demarco (Moderator) at 2013-01-08 20:16:28 (3 weeks ago) - [Quote]

Joined: Wed, Sep 05 2012 R: 1.96 This article could very well be what some guys here may need to get going with more than just women so I second, great share infoaddicted! /JOIN #Bitseduce on irc Back to top

110378 by LoveMusic (Power User) at 2013-0108 21:30:59 (3 weeks ago) - [Quote]

Joined: Sat, Aug 27 2011 R: 2.38 Thanks man! Back to top

110379 by heavyshare (The map is not the territory) at 2013-01-08 21:53:46 (3 weeks ago) [Quote]
Joined: Sat, Jun 09 2012 R: 2.95 Great introduction to "No more mr. nice guy" by R.Glover If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough. There's always a cliff drop on either side of you, it's just whether you let your mind notice or not. Back to top

110385 by itsmejb4 (User) at 2013-01-09 01:30:41 (3 weeks ago) - [Quote]

Joined: Fri, Dec 31 2010 R: 0.73 Soo fucking good I had to steal the video. Back to top

110388 by tanameyer (VIP) at 2013-01-09 08:51:05 (3 weeks ago) - [Quote]

Joined: Tue, Jun 10 2008 R: 38.35 Wow, that was surprisingly profound and insightful. I found this rather inspiring. If it wasn't 3 am here, I'd totally be doing something other than sampling the fine articles on cracked, most of which are chock full of dick joke goodness. Back to top

110389 by mattdub1 (serving others is the best medicine.) at 2013-01-11 02:56:54 (3 weeks ago) [Quote]
Joined: Fri, May 02 2008 R: 1.74 My slacker friends LOVED this article. Thank you for sharing! www.playerschool101.com/ Thing do not change, we change. Back to top

110432 by infoaddicted (infoaddicted) at 201301-13 21:25:05 (3 weeks ago) - [Quote]

Joined: Sat, Jun 30 2007 R: 1.77 Quote: [Tyler and Narrator stop outside a convenience store at night. Tyler takes out a gun and walks into the store to do their homework assignment of a "human sacrifice", while Narrator protests. Tyler forces the clerk out the back exit at gun point.] Voice-over: On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everybody drops to zero. Narrator: Stop! What are we doing? Come on! God! Tyler Durden: Hands behind your back. Give me your wallet. [The clerk who is kneeling by now hands him his wallet.] Tyler Durden: Raymond K. Hessel. 1320 South East spanning apartment A. Small cramped basement apartment Raymond. Raymond K. Hessel: How did you know? Tyler Durden: 'Cause they give shitty basement apartments letters instead of numbers. Raymond, you're going to die! [Raymond begins to cry. Tyler examines content of the wallet.] Tyler Durden: Is that your mom and dad? Mom and dad are going to have to call up kindly doctor so and so. Pick up your dental records. Wanna know why? Because there's gonna nothing left of your face. Narrator: Oh come on, come on. Tyler Durden: An expired community college student ID. What did you study Raymond? Raymond K. Hessel: Ssstuff. Tyler Durden: Stuff? Were the mid-terms hard?.... I asked you what you studied! Raymond K. Hessel: Biology mostly. Tyler Durden: Why? Raymond K. Hessel: I don't know.

Tyler Durden: What did you wanna be Raymond K. Hessel?!.... The question Raymond was: what did you want to be! Narrator: Answer him Raymond, jesus! Raymond K. Hessel: Veterinarian, veterinarian. Tyler Durden: Animals. Raymond K. Hessel: Yeah animals and ssstuff. Tyler Durden: And stuff, yeah I got that. That means you have to get more schooling. Raymond K. Hessel: Too much school. Tyler Durden: Would you rather be dead?! Would you rather die? Here, on your knees in the back of a convenience store?! Raymond K. Hessel: No, please no! [Tyler takes his gun down, takes out Raymond's driver's license throwing the wallet in front of Raymond.] Tyler Durden: I'm keeping your license. I'm gonna check in on you. I know where you live. If you're not on your way to becoming a veterinarian in six weeks you will be dead! Now run on home. [Raymond gets up and runs into the night.] Tyler Durden: Run Forrest, run! Narrator: I feel ill. Tyler Durden: Imagine how he feels. Narrator: Come on, this isn't funny! That wasn't funny. What the fuck was the point of that?! Tyler Durden: Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessel's life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted. Voice-over: You had to give it to him. He had a plan. And it started to make sense in a Tyler sort of way. No fear, no distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide. [Tyler throws gun to Narrator who opens the barrel to find no bullets inside.] Marcus Aurelius - "Do not act as if you were going to live ten thousand years. Death hangs over you. While you live, while it is in your power, be good." Back to top

110607 by Seraf (VIP) at 2013-01-29 00:46:56 (1 week ago) - [Quote]

Joined: Tue, May 15 2007 R: 1.96 Awesome articel. Back to top

110609 by bitkind (VIP) at 2013-01-29 06:32:31 (1 week ago) - [Quote]

Joined: Sun, Aug 13 2006 R: 1.19 Quote: Because in my non-expert opinion, you don't hate yourself because you have low self-esteem, or because other people were mean to you. You hate yourself because you don't do anything. Not even you can just "love you for you". Do the math: How much of your time is spent consuming things other people made (TV, music, video games, websites) versus making your own? The human mind is a miracle, and you will never see it spring more beautifully into action than when it is fighting against evidence that it needs to change. Remember, misery is comfortable. It's why so many people prefer it. Happiness takes effort. Also, courage. It's incredibly comforting to know that as long as you don't create anything in your life, then nobody can attack the thing you created. As long as they never produce anything, it will forever be perfect and beyond reproach. Or if they do produce something, they'll make sure they do it with detached irony. They'll make it intentionally bad to make it clear to everyone else that this isn't their real effort. Their real effort would have been amazing. Not like the shit you made. Amen It took me lots of time and hurt to understand this part... even now... I make this mistake and end up correcting myself. Back to top 1 << Prev Search | Catch up Next >> Quick jump: Copyright 2008 BitSeduce. All rights reserved.