One Child: The New Traditional Family?

Two-child families, a thing of the past.

Published on May 22, 2008 by Susan Newman, Ph.D. in Singletons

Is having one child better than having two or four? It's a question that couples ponder as they begin to grow a family. Many have strong opinions based on experiences within their own family; others make child-bearing choices based on age-old stereotypes. I have a singleton, one sibling, and raised four stepchildren in a first marriage so I'm objective when it comes to family size issues. However, when I had my singleton, family, friends, and random outsiders asked, "When are you having another?" The implication, whether stated or not, was that there is something wrong with only children or with parents who stop after having one child. I decided to find out what, and have spent more than 20 years studying only children and their parents. This blog will explore everything only child-the decision to have, raise, and be an only child and what it means for parents, and only children as children and as adults. I thought a good place to begin was with a look at how many children people say they want and how many they actually have. Only three percent of those polled by Gallup last year feel one child is ideal. Yet, according to the U.S. Census, the single child family is the fastest growing family unit. Why have singletons grown in popularity even when, on the surface, the prevailing preference is for more children? Gallup has been asking people what they believe to be the best family size since 1936. From the mid-30s through 1967 between 61 and 77 percent of people preferred a family with three or more children. By 1973 the ideal family size dropped to two or fewer children. Today and since 1974 when the Gallup poll asked, "What is the ideal number of children for a family to have?" more than half of Americans, say a two-child family is best. The explanation: Many people still believe that children without siblings are at a disadvantage. Yet the numbers (and facts) tell a different story. Just as during the Depression when the percentage of only children rose to 30, major metropolitan cities like New York are experiencing a similar upsurge. In the last 20 years the number of singletons has more than doubled to between 23 and 25 percent depending on where you live, one-child families often outnumbering families with two children. The nuclear family with two children, a mom and dad is evaporating and having a singleton is increasingly common. Is one child the new traditional family? It's beginning to look that way in

spite of the fact that so many cling to the belief that it's unfair to have one child. The advantages for a single child outweigh the few disadvantages. But, those feeling insecure about their decision wonder about the benefits and worry about all the negative traits with which singletons have been labeled for more than 100 years.

What's Better: One Child or Siblings?

Are only children spoiled, selfish and lonely, or smarter and more loving? The number of American women who have only one child has doubled over the last two decades, even though only children often bear the brunt of nasty stereotypes. The assessment is not necessarily true, said psychologist Susan Newman, author of the book "Parenting an Only Child." Many studies show that only children are no more self-centered or spoiled than others, Newman said. Some studies suggest only kids tend to have closer, more affectionate relationships with their parents than kids from bigger families. Only children often develop better verbal skills and excel in school because they are read to more often than children with siblings, she said. Only children also tend to have higher IQs, which researchers say may be because their parents have higher expectations for them and more time and money to give.
Children Are Expensive

According to the U.S. Department of Labor, for families that make roughly $60,000 a year, each child costs more than $250,000 by the time he or she reaches 18, and that doesn't include college costs. Newman said children cost their parents $50,000 in food alone by the time they hit 18. "Twenty percent of the family population is one child," Newman said. "In the major metropolitan cities, like New York and Los Angeles, that number is 30 percent. People are having children later, which leaves less time for having the second child. Housing is expensive. The divorce rate hovers at 50 percent. Often both parents are working, and child care is a factor."

Sibling Advantages

Children from larger families also enjoy some advantages, which include having playmates and tormenters, teammates and rivals. Siblings define each other and teach each other conflict resolution, which is a skill people bring to their workplaces, marriages and other relationships. If a couple decides to have only one child, Newman said, they should make sure the child has sibling substitutes from whom to learn sharing, empathy and conflict resolution. With all these things to consider, Newman said, the most important factor in deciding whether to have one or more than one child is what the parents want. "The ideal number of children is the number that you and your partner agree on, and that won't overwhelm and tax you or stretch you so thin that you are always in a panic," she said. "And that's a choice that will be different for every couple."
Weir's and Chang's Dilemmas

Newman talked to ABC News' Bill Weir, the father of one daughter, and JuJu Chang, the mother of two sons, ages 2 and 5. "I want to have three, but my husband wants the two," Chang said. "The boys are 5 and 2. It's one of the few points of conflict between me and my husband. My husband's famous joke is we'll go from a man-to-man defense to having to play a zone defense, meaning that we'll be outnumbered by our kids. Also, in New York City, five people can't get into one cab." "You'll be quadrupling the work load," Newman told her. "And there you're having a middle child. And it takes very conscientious parenting skills to make that middle child feel special. You want to give that middle child extra attention. And then ... you have to worry about two boys versus one girl." Newman said that having two children triples the work load because parents have to spend time with both children and with each child individually. It grows exponentially like that with each added child, she said. Weir, who grew up an only child until age 17, said he loved the experience and would like his daughter to enjoy it.

His wife, however, has different ideas. Newman said people often want to emulate the experience they had if it was positive or do the complete opposite if it was negative. In the end, she said, parenting is much more important than the number of siblings.

Having Only One Child: Easier for Parents, But Also Better for the Child?
Emotional attunement might mean more than the number of children you have.
Published on September 6, 2012 by Seth Meyers, Psy.D. in Insight Is 20/20

Lets be honest for a minute: Having only one child is much easier for parents than having two or more children. Sure, many parents of single children complain that they actually have a more difficult time because the onus of entertaining the child falls entirely on the parents, but that argument can only carry so much weight. The truth is that having one child as opposed to two or more allows for a much more controlled environment, and there are also fewer relationships in the family to potentially complicate the overall family dynamic. And lets not forget the fact that, in a single-child family, theres only one child who can scream, cry, and have meltdowns. That must sound appealing to any living, breathing parent, right? As the parent of two and a psychologist who has worked with children ages birth to 5 years, I understand the wish to have only one child. I see many parents who decided to have only one child, and they seem awfully peaceful! They often give gobs of attention to the one child, which means that the only child must feel extremely loved and attended to. Having only one child also allows the parent to be more attuned to the individual emotional needs of the single child because there isnt another child whose needs take the parent away from the other child. The fact that the parents of only children have more time and energy to become and stay attuned to the child shouldnt be overlooked, because attunement to the emotional needs of a child is crucial for positive emotional and cognitivedevelopment in children. But is it selfish of parents to have only one child? It's hard to deny that having only one child shortchanges the only child out of one of the most important relationships an individual can have in this lifetime: the relationship with one or more siblings. As a therapist who has sat through almost a hundred family therapy sessions in his career, I can tell you that kids often feel that their strongest ally and most trusted partner in the family system is their sibling or siblings even if they sometimes fight and insist that they dislike each other. A sibling relationship is actually one of the best vehicles for children to learn how to navigate relationship struggles and to learn about conflict resolution as they grow up, so many single children will miss out on this opportunity unless they socializeextensively with other children or child relatives who serve almost as honorary siblings. The trouble with the debate over having only one child or having two or more children is that there is no right answer, which is probably a good thing: Men and women are given the luxury to decide what they want for their family, and they have the unchallenged ability to make that wish a reality. My hope, however, is that men and women think more about the interests of the child

than their own as they decide how many children to have. I'll give you an example that speaks to the heart of the issue. This past weekend, a friend told me about a couple who has one child, a couple who enjoys the good life, including weekends in the Napa Valley, cheese-tasting parties at their well-appointed home, and exotic vacations where the one-child family engages in highly sophisticated activities. My friend summed it up like this: To be honest, the parents make the kid conform to their life, not the other way around. My friend added, defending the parents who occupy a peripheral place in his social circle, But their child is the most well-behaved child. Maybe its just me, but the whole situation sounds a little skewed. In fact, the child sounds more like an over-controlled, pint-size adult who's been coerced into growing up too soon. I believe strongly that kids are kids, which means that they are supposed to play outside, occasionally get a bump or bruise, and spend lots of time exploring their environment with other kids. In other words, Disney World is probably better for kids than Napa. Quick caveat: If parents choose to live a lifestyle that is more adultoriented, catering less to the kids than most parents, those parents should probably have a second child so the child feels that he or she has a peer. Because parenting presents one of lifes most complex challenges, we will never know for sure which precise combination of environmental factors leads to optimal development. However, parents shouldn't stop trying to figure out the magic recipe! At the end of the day, if parents choose to have only one child for any reason even if only because it's easier on them, which it is theres not necessarily anything wrong with that unless the parents dont build in other supports in the childs life to make sure that they can simulate (as close as possible) the benefits that come from children having sibling relationships.

Advantages Of Being An Only Child

The advantages of being an only child. More and more couples nowadays are opting to have one child only. A look at some of the reasons for this decision.
The only child was a much rarer phenomenon even twenty or thirty years ago. It was seldom a case of choosing to have just one child. Then, only children tended to be shy, over-protected and socially withdrawn. They were often the offspring of older or infertile couples at a time when the average age for having a first child was in one's twenties. Now, when having children in one's thirties or even forties is almost the norm, a "new" only child has emerged. This child is well balanced and socially adept. Indeed, today's only child benefits from the knowledge that it is the product of a positive parental choice. More couples are deciding to have just one child for a variety of reasons. The most common reason, however, is financial. Couples are determined to maintain a comfortable standard of living, not only for their child but also for themselves. An only child certainly benefits from having the family financial resources focussed upon him or herself.

Parents of only children no longer have to worry about their child being lonely or at a social disadvantage. Mobility and the resources to support an active social life have put an end to that. Only children have friends to stay over on a regular basis and at school they have no problem fitting in and making new friends. Many of their classmates are also only children. Many couples are increasingly concerned about providing a good education. Some are keen to give their child a private education or, at least, private tuition in certain subjects. If this means that they can only afford to have one child, then so be it. Parents of only children have more time to focus on the general aspects of child development and learning issues and can give their child that individual attention that makes such a difference. Studies have proven that only children often do better in life for the same reasons that first-borns do. First-borns have their parents' individual attention for those important first few years and therefore benefit from greater stimulation. As a result, first-borns are often higher achievers in later life. In the case of the only child, this individual attention is available throughout childhood and can put then in a very strong position in later adult life. There was a time when having an only child had something of a stigma attached to it. People often assumed that parents had a fertility problem and that no one could be "so selfish as to stop at one". Nowadays, that attitude has virtually disappeared. Parents are open and happy about having an only child. If a parent is happy, then so will their child be happy. Often parents have no problem sustaining a good relationship and enjoying life when they have only one child to cope with. It is when a second baby appears in a couple of years' time that difficulties can surface. A mother of an only child doesn't have to deal with being pregnant and looking after a toddler at the same time. Sleepless nights are certainly less of a problem if you only have one child. In fact, the whole logistics and organisation of having more than one child can overwhelm a couple's personal relationship. This is an important factor when deciding whether to have one child or not. It is possible to sustain an uninterrupted career path if a parent only takes a couple of years out or indeed, only takes the minimum maternity break and then returns to work without the need to update skills. Only children today, are completely different people from those of just a few decades ago. Not only are they far more numerous, they are happier individuals who are well-balanced and more socially adept.

5 Reasons to Have Only One Child

By Mary Beth Sammons

Why do some people make you feel like it's a crime to have only one child, ask Circle of Moms member Rogina C. She just wants to say chill out to her doctor, friends, parents, and the many strangers in the grocery store aisle who keep asking when she's going to have another baby. If, like Rogina, you're "one and done," here are some great responses, all suggested by Circle of Moms members, to those annoying questions posed by your well-intending friends and family.

1. One Child Completes Our Family

For many Circle of Mom members and their spouses, one child is simply enough. As Rogina C. says of her 7-month-old, Don't get me wrong, we are very happy about having our son, but we knew even when I was pregnant that our family was complete with just him. The definition of family varies for everyone. As Kathy H. says, We decided to be a one-child family after years of unexplained infertility after our daughter was born. We are very happy and I dont care what other people think or say. Being a family of three is fine for us."

2. Finances, Fertility, and Age

Other Circle of Moms members point out that life circumstances and fertility impose real limitations on family size, and that they are not to be scoffed at. Kids are expensive, and families have a right to chose what works for their own economic circumstances. "There is nothing wrong about deciding to have one child for fiscal reasons," says Jessica W. Seriously, having another child [brings] on a huge financial obligation that can be career changing for one parent or the other. If I had a relative to care for another child, I could support another baby. I would love, love to have another. But the real nature of the situation is we are not financially able to." Then there's the question of fertility and age. As Heather D. shares, The deci sion was out of our control to a certain extent... We felt that age was against us. I didn't fancy (and I still don't) being 60 when our child was 18."

3. Only Doesnt Mean Lonely

Despite what some may say, only children arent necessarily lonely children. It is a parent's responsibility to see to it that our children are not lonely, says Sharon C., a mom of one. As a working mom, my son was exposed to both in-home child care plus traditional daycare settings. He is active in sports and in the community. He has lots of friends and I always welcome kids to come and play. While cousins never replace siblings, my son is close in age to his two boy cousins. They also live locally so it's never an issue to have all the boys over here.

4. Only Children Learn Independence

Being an only child has its advantages, including the fact that only children sometimes learn to be very independent and resourceful. I was an only child for most of my childhood, says Tracy C. When I had step siblings we hated each other. LOL. I learned to entertain myself when I wasn't with friends. I learned how to deal with things on my own and how to be alone."

5. More Individual Attention

Having one child allows parents to be more attentive. Spending so much time with one child benefits them, says Amber H. My husband and I wanted to wait to have another child in order to ensure our daughter got as much attention during her formative years as possible. Because of our dedication solely to her, my daughter was able to be potty trained by nine months, speak in complete sentences by one, read by age three, do addition and subtraction by five, and is now learning Spanish and Japanese. She also gets all A's and has been given several community awards." Many Circle of Moms members say they embrace their choice to have one child and wouldnt have it any other way. There is nothing wrong with only having one child, says Wanda P. I am an only child and I have an only child... As long as you love them and teach them to be responsible, honest adults, they will be fine. So will you... having just one child was awesome for me. Ultimately, moms need to remember that they dont have to make excuses for choosing to have one child. As Tracey C. says, Your reproductive choices are frankly none of anyone elses business. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sticking with one, be it [because of] fertility issues or simply because you don't want another. It's no one else's place to criticize another for their choice to stick with one. How do you feel about having one child?

An Only Child: For Better or For Worse?

Heard of an old joke about the Garden of Eden? Eve looks at Adam and asks, Do you love me Adam? Adam raises his eyebrows and asks, Who else? Who else indeed? That just about sums up the root of the single/only child situation call itsyndrome (OCS) or advantage.

The phenomenal increase of families with onliesan only child without any siblings biological or adopted, could make a host of words like brother, sister, nephew and niece obsolete in the near future. Opines Susan Newman, a social psychologist at Rutgers University and author of Parenting an Only Child, Families have changed. I actually call the only child the new traditional family. (sic) Medindias survey on Single Child Syndrome in South India Medindias survey of some men and women onlies in South India, aged between 18 and 45 years, brought into focus some interesting factors. With the single-child family increasingly becoming the norm in India, the questionnaire was aimed at exploring the situation from an only childs perspective. 88% said that their sense of responsibility towards aging parents weighed heavily on them. 96% said being the sinlge child forced them into some hard choices in life. 88% felt smothered by parental care bestowed on them. 72% missed the sharing with a non-adult family member. 38% missed a sibling for practical reasons, not so much for the emotional bonding. You never miss what youve never had, said one. 80% said they have a lot of anger in them, probably because theyve had to internalize a lot many things, not wanting to upset their parents. 80% said they were addicted to social networking on the Internet. 100% said they were opposed to the concept of a single-child family.

Interestingly, single children who grew up in extended or joint families in rural areas said they never felt any different from those children with siblings, till they moved with their parents to cities for purposes of education and employment. Single Child Syndrome: Fact vs Fiction In the 1800s G. Stanley Hall, considered as the father of child psychology, dubbed being an only child, a disease in itself. Ever since then, an only child has been stereotyped with unflattering tags such as selfish, self-absorbed, aggressive, bossy, lonely and maladjusted. Though hundreds of research studies have shown that only children are no different from their peers, the question whether the single child syndrome is a myth or a reality continues to be debated world over. It is generally assumed that parents lavish attention on their only child, which renders the child self-centered, highly dependent on parents and lacking discipline and inter-personal skills. Research however shows that onlies become extremely independent and take on responsibilities very soon in life. They take on more than they can handle and rarely or never ask for help. Pleasing parents and devoting almost an entire lifetime trying to live up to expectations, is known to weigh them down heavily, but in most cases the expectations are usually theirs and not imposed. The desire to succeed, mainly for self-fulfillment, is predominant in a single child. Studies also show that single children are rarely dreamy, like things straight forward, tend to get one thing done at a time and generally like their lives unclutteredeverything tied in neat parcels with no loose ends. A landmark 20-year study shows that an increased one-on-one parenting produces higher education levels and higher achievement motivation. Hobsons choice If the only child is a girl, she is weighed down by the responsibility of being the sole caregiver to aging parents and hesitates to move far away from them and have her own life. Many single daughters without siblings turn inward and suffer depression. If she chooses to marry, then again she becomes part of the sandwich generation needed by husband, children and in-laws on the one side and aging parents on the other. The situation becomes challenging in Asian cultures where married women have to choose to be more committed to their in-laws than to their parents.

Is the one-child family unit a healthy option? Current lifestyles are redefining family norms and values while dictating newer choices in family type and size such as single parent families, homosexual parent familiesthe list gets updated ahead of family policy and government laws. Families are getting smaller and the only-child option is becoming the order of the day for a variety of reasons like economic restraints, easy manageability, increased infertility, death of a sibling or even the one-child policy legally encouraged in China. Concurrently, Medindias survey found that all those without siblings who participated in the survey were opposed to an only child option. In the US, only three percent of those polled by Gallup last year felt one child is ideal. Though the one-child family unit could place a lesser demand on the earths fast depleting reserves, the voice of the onlies advocating a morethan-one-child family unit needs to be acknowledged in order to promote a world that has an overall better emotional health. Source-Medindia THILAKA RAVI/L

Read more: An Only Child: For Better or For Worse? | Medindia http://www.medindia.net/news/Interviews/An-Only-Child-For-Better-or-For-Worse-380071.htm#ixzz2DT2dcaAX

Is One Child Enough?

How to consider when deciding to have a second child -- and what to know about raising an only child
By Diana Burrell

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 Blend Images Photography / Veer

My husband and I decided to be a one-child family long before our son Oliver was born. With several years of reproductive-health scares behind me, conceiving a child felt like a Powerball win; I didn't need another chance at the jackpot. Scott thought we could avoid the inevitable slings and arrows of sibling warfare. We both hail from large families, in which continuation of the family name is assured through siblings and cousins. We were content with our decision, and our families took it well, too. A few months after Oliver was born, I bagged up my maternity clothes for a tag sale, and Scott started researching permanent birth-control options. But one afternoon while absentmindedly sorting through blue and green baby clothes, the thought hit me like a punch: "I'll never sort through pink clothes." For years I'd imagined myself the mom of a daughter. After all, it had been a popular refrain throughout my adolescence ("I'll never tell my daughter what I think about her clothes," I'd intone to my mother). And I secretly hoped that my daughter would continue the tradition of attending my all-women alma mater. It wasn't that I was disappointed with a son. To be honest, I was relieved the day we found out we were having a boy because I could work the experience of being the older sister to three younger brothers to the fullest. Hearing the door clang shut on my fantasy daughter, however, made me doubt. When acquaintances asked, "So, are you having any more?" my voice quivered when I answered no. A woman in my local mothers' group worried aloud, "How would you feel if something happened to Oliver and you didn't have any more children?" Did I really need another child as an insurance policy? One night when the anxiety felt particularly overwhelming, I asked Scott, "Is it okay if we hold off on that vasectomy for a while?" "It's normal to wonder if you're making the right choices and decisions, no matter how many kids you have," says Susan Jeffers, Ph.D., author of I'm OK, You're a Brat! Setting the Priorities Straight and Freeing You From the Guilt and Mad Myths of Parenthood. "Even if you decided to have two or more children, you'd wonder if your life would have been easier with only one child." Choosing to have one Haseena Correia of Valley Stream, New York, mom to Zachary, 2, has long planned to have one child. "Once I understood how much work it takes to have a career and raise a child at the same time, I pretty much decided one was all I could handle," she says. Correia says being a one-child family allows her the right balance. "It gives me the joy of being a mother, but it's not too overwhelming to the point where I don't have any time for myself or my husband," she says. Financial barriers were also a factor in their decision. "With a mortgage, skyrocketing taxes, and

two cars, we have to be a two-income family. Having another child is financially just not an option for us," she says.At some point, parents will need to ponder: Can we cope emotionally and physically with another child? How will we juggle another child with our jobs? Where do we want to be in three years? Five? How will another child affect our finances? What about our marriage? If we wait any longer to decide, will our choices be limited by our age? There are social and emotional pressures to consider, too. "If your friends are having second -- and third -- children, you can feel left out," says Susan Newman, Ph.D., author of Parenting an Only Child. "Or you or your spouse may want more kids, but the other doesn't." Sorting out our feelings on most of these things was actually easy for me and Scott. (It was the emotional pull that gave me second thoughts.) We have similar goals for the future, and we realized that with our temperaments, one child would be best for our marriage. We're happy for our friends who are having second and third children, but for us, Oliver completes our family. Diana Burrell is the coauthor of The Renegade Writer's Query Letters That Rock.

When you don't have a choice

Sometimes the twists and turns of life narrow your choices or eliminate them completely. Jennifer Lawler of Eudora, Kansas, always thought having four kids sounded perfect. But when her daughter Jessica was born with life-threatening health problems and Lawler's uterine fibroids compromised future pregnancies, she and her husband knew Jessica would be their only child. Lawler says, "Raising our daughter was going to take a lot of emotional, physical, and financial resources. If I had any more children, I didn't think I could handle it." Time made the situation easier. "It's a process of acceptance," says Lawler. "One thing that was helpful for me was not to focus on the past or the future. I put my energy toward making this the brightest moment. There were times when we thought Jessica wouldn't live, talk, or walk. She's done all those things, so I feel relief and gratitude." Answering to everyone As you work out what's best for your family, you'll face some tough questions all around: ... from yourself Laura Miller of Ottawa, Kansas, mom to Emma, 6, is undecided about having more children. "If finances and circumstances ever allow, we might have another child," she says. "But we're happy the way our family is now." She admits she still has fears. "My husband and I both have brothers and sisters -- I can't imagine not having them to lean on. But after we're gone, Emma will be alone." In my darkest moments, I've been known to worry about the unthinkable: With no other children, what would I do if I lost Oliver? But, of course, parents of onlies don't own the front and center on worry. "Parents fear for all their children," says Newman. "Families with a number of children are equally devastated and blown apart when a child dies -- the pain is no less just because you have others." We need to accept that something so dramatic as death is highly unlikely and try not to live our lives in a state of anxiety.

...from others "The pressure to have a second child is often greater than for the first," says Newman. But the fact is that the friends, family, and even strangers who are exerting pressure aren't the ones who'll be caring for these future children till they reach adulthood. After Lawler's daughter was born, she answered her questioners with "We're going to take care of Jessica." Sometimes intrusive questions and opinions can drive us nuts, which is why it can be helpful to look within before lashing out. "When you are affected by this pressure, it means you're looking for that person's approval," says Jeffers. "Ask yourself, 'Why am I reacting this way? Am I afraid of criticism from this person?' As soon as you stop needing their approval, you can relax and appreciate the decision you made." Once a mom is feeling calmer, she can answer the critics with, say, "I understand you really want this, but it's not right for me" or "Well, thanks for passing on your ideas." .. from your child It happens: Many onlies will ask -- loudly, often -- for a little brother or sister, or wonder aloud why they're stuck being an only child. A straightforward answer is the best bet, says Lise Youngblade, Ph.D., associate director of the Institute for Child Health Policy at the University of Florida in Gainesville. "The last thing parents want to do is get into a negotiation," she says. Instead, respond with something like "We've decided that our family size is just right. There are lots of different kinds of families, and this is how ours is." With an older child, you can point out that many of the advantages he enjoys as an only -- his own specially decorated bedroom, for instance, or the one-on-one time he has with Mom and Dad -may be things he wouldn't have with a brother or sister. You can also try asking your child what he thinks would be the benefits of having a sibling. It could be as simple as having a bunk bed. If a child's demands don't abate, Jeffers points out that "children complain, period." Parents with two or three kids sometimes hear, "Mommy, it's time to send the baby back to the hospital." In my case, it took me time to say goodbye to my fantasy daughter, but when Oliver was 18 months old, I finally said to Scott, "Let's do it," on the vasectomy. I'm very happy with my son and our decision, and I've looked for other ways to indulge my daughter needs. I volunteered as a Big Sister and counseled a 15-year-old on boyfriends. When I spot cute girly-girl dresses, I buy them for my friend's daughters. And I console myself that when I go through menopause, there won't be two hormonal women under this roof.

The Advantages and Disadvantages of Having an Only Child

Most couples who get married or decide to live together generally plan to have children. Several years ago, having big families was common and this was seen as an advantage. This was mainly because children began working at an early age to help provide for the family. But with the changing times and with the cost of living getting higher every single year, having a big family is no longer considered to be a practical option. In fact, more couples are now considering having only one child and some do not have any desire to become parents at all. According to the Australian Institute of Family Studies, by 1986, women aged 40 to 44 years, were considerably more likely to have given birth to two children than three children (36% vs.

27%) or four or more children (19%). However, taken together, women were still more likely to have had three or more children than to have had two children (46% vs. 36%). In recent years, women were more likely to have had two children than three or more children a trend that was most marked in the most recent period (38% vs. 25% in 1996; 38% vs. 22% in 2006). These days, most families in Australia have two children. But the number of women who had given birth to a single child increased progressively from only 8% in 1981 to 13% in 2006. The U.S. Census Bureau states that there are approximately 14 million only children in America today. This comprises 20% of the childrens population compared to only 10% around fifty years ago.

Despite the fact that we live in this modern age however, there are certain stigmas that have been attached to an only child:

He/she is lonely. He/she is self-centred. He/she is a spoiled brat He/she is selfish. He/she always wants attention. He/she has a greater tendency of playing with imaginary friends. He/she has difficulty socialising. He/she is more prone to get sick. These characteristics however, are not always apparent in all cases of only children. But there are distinct advantages and disadvantages of having just one child:

Advantages of Having an Only Child

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. An An An An An An An only only only only only only only child child child child child child child gets very attached to his/her parents and has a great relationship with them. gets the best in everything material things and otherwise. gets his/her parents undivided attention. does not have to deal with other siblings does not have to compete with other siblings for his/her parents attention. will not be compared (intentionally or not) with another sibling. is more independent.

Disadvantages of Having an Only Child

1. An only child may grow up lonely. 2. An only child has no one to grow up with. 3. An only child may get too much pressure from parents, to perform well or excel in school and other activities 4. The parents of an only child tend to be overprotective. 5. An only child may get bored of parental involvement 6. An only child may have a harder time making friends. 7. An only child may be pressure to have children in order to carry on the family name. 8. An only child may become burdened about being the sole caregivers of elderly parents. 9. An only child will never have the experience of having nephews and nieces.

While these advantages and disadvantages focus mainly on the child, the parents also benefit from having an only child while undergoing some negative emotions due to their decision to have only one child. The most obvious benefit of having only one child for parents is they are able to give more to their child in terms of material things as well as their love and attention. But despite this fact, parents of only children these days still undergo some challenges:

Parents of only children get strange looks or rude remarks from people when they say they have only one child. Family and friends tend to pressure them to have more children. Parents of only children sometimes feel guilty for not giving their child a sibling. Parents of only children are worried about their child being alone after they die. Deciding to become a parent is already a major decision in itself. Planning on how many children to have is equally important. But whether you want to have one, two, three or more children you should always remember that each child that you raise entails having a set of responsibilities. There are so many dysfunctional families these days because of broken relationships between couples and between parent and child. That is why it is imperative that parents are equipped to raise children. Despite the wealth of information that we have at our fingertips however, there is no perfect way of raising a child. Even if you grow up in a loving family that is not a guarantee you will have the same success when its your turn to raise your child. You can read all the books that you want and visit so many websites on the internet but nothing can totally prepare you for the actual experience of being a parent. For new parents, perhaps it would be ideal to start off with just one child. Like any other experience, it is best to feel your way through this one. Even if youve read all the available material about parenting, you will learn much more. For many parents these days, having the experience of parenting one child is enough for them and that is fine. For others however, they want to have more and that is okay too. But you always have to consider a few very important things:

Does your partner want to have another child? Are you financially capable of raising another child? Are you emotionally capable of caring for another child? Are you physically capable of taking care of another child? If you answered yes to all these questions, then you are ready to add another child to the family but if you hesitated on even one of these questions, think carefully. Remember, that the number of your children does not define who you are as a parent. What is important is that you raise your child to be a loving, respectful and responsible person.