Manna from Heaven: Getting Peace and Understanding

Copyright © 2011 by Amethyst A. Nelson-Preston.

Edited by: Marsetta Ray, Amira Sa’Di and Geraldine Akunwanne

Cover design by: Wayne Williams

Photograph by: Amethyst Nelson—Preston

ISBN:          Softcover                           978-1-4568-4837-8

                   Ebook                                978-1-4568-4838-5

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of love. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s chronological commentary of a valiant soldier’s faith journey, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or milieu is entirely option.

All scripture quotations in this publication are from the Holy Bible King James Version

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

Orders@Xlibris.com

89610

Contents

Foreword

Acknowledgements

Endorsement

Prelude

Introduction

Legacy of Strength

Faithfulness

God Is in Control

Pulling Back Desire’s Curtain

The Silence of Time

Humility

Girls’ Day

The Promise of God

The Stillness of the Night

Memories

Safety

Chambers of Her Heart

Strength

Holy Spirit

Strange Feelings

Privilege

The Innocence of a Child

Fascination

God Knows Best

A Quiet Day

The Blessing of Gifts

Emerging from Childhood

Two Angels

Hoping for Answered Prayers

Reflecting

A Son’s Fight to Hold On

Walking Toward the Gate

Getting from A to Z

Traveling Beyond the Light

The Faithful Soldier Has

Gone Home

The Banquet Table

Appendix 1

Appendix 2

APPENDIX 3

Appendix 4

Appendix 5

Appendix 6

Appendix 7

Dedication to the readers

To all who would read this book, I want to tell you. It takes a special person to be a hospice nurse. I hear that a lot when I meet people. Many of my friends would ask me, how do you do this day after day; and many of my patient’s family members would ask me that very question as well. I often want to say to them, wait, give me a few minutes of your time; and let me tell you what it’s really like. Let me tell you what a privilege it is to walk with a family through such an intensely private and emotional time. Let me tell you that contrary to popular opinion we don’t help people die. We help them live each day to the fullest with as minimum to no pain, and with as little anxiety as possible as well with dignity. As a hospice nurse, I tell you the reader, hospice tries to ease the sometimes-dreadful realities of terminal illness; but it can’t eradicate them. Let me tell you how it feels when one of your patient turn and ask you, why God has allowed him or her to continue to live. They might say to you, what kind of life am I living. This is not living. My life is worth nothing. I want to die. I wish God would let me die. Why is He keeping me here? When memories of their youthful essence announce themselves and reality is look upon as despair of a life once lived, which emerges each time they allowed themselves to remember.

How do you answer such a loaded question? There are times when I have held back the tears when I tried to give hope to hopeless situations. Because, nothing that you might say can stop the pain of hopelessness that are been felt; such as the feelings of dependence on their love ones, the loss of control they are now face with. I often hear I used to be so independent, always on the go and now all I do is sit and wait, waiting to die. You have to have a heart for that branch of medicine. We, the case managers have to go inside of ourselves daily; going beyond the spoken and unspoken words. We have to look at the body language, and listening to the non-communicating language as well. All is vital to help us connect with that particular individual in a special way that allows him or her to feel secure. And in turn, gain trust in you the hospice nurse who is assign to care for them during this difficult moments in their lives. I love my job. I love that palliative care which focuses on pain and symptom management, and care of the whole person. It is finally recognized as a cutting edge, and a specialized medicine. I love the autonomy my job provides. I love the fact that my earlier experiences working in the hospital milieu has prepared me, and although hospice nursing is the flip side of it. I have to say at times it appears that I need to know more as a hospice nurse than I ever did as a hospital nurse. I say that only because, as a hospice nurse you are more involve in their personal journey since they tends to depend on you more than they might do on their love ones. They see you as the one person who might understand what they might be going through, and feeling more comfortable; telling you their fears than their love ones. I have to be more aware of their emotional and psychological dynamic, and many times have deal with them on multiple levels.

I love the feeling of influence I get when I can call a physician to make recommendations, and because I have worked hard to build a relationship and a reputation for sound judgment has him or her saying, Whatever you think is fine with me. I can appreciate the fact that I have the authority to pronounce someone, and send the body on to the funeral home without waiting for the physical presence of a physician. There are those precious moments when your heart string will burst from the depth of the emotions, and your soul will cry out to the rejoicing of the impartation; and peace that the experience will bring to you. But you have to be willing to embrace all segment of the process and find blessing in them. Sure, saying good-bye is always sad and can be a very difficult experience. But, when you hear from a family member that your presence in their journey allowed them to embrace the process, and their grief was eased because their loved one had a peaceful death. Well, there’s no feeling to compare to that too. Am I special? I don’t think so, that honor is designated and is reserved for those who face each day they have left; no matter how few with dignity and courage. Nevertheless, they are still able to embrace life in all its fullness and still willing to love and be loved. Let me tell you that they are special and priceless. I am inspired in the tapestry of the many individuals courageous Spirits, as they embrace each precious moment in their finality of their disease process. I am also blessed as a hospice nurse. Because although Mr. Hewitt was a very interesting and special person I have met, he was also a wonderful and unique individual. He was able to minister to my spirit and imparted in me valuable lessons that would forever enrich me as a human being. I am taught eternal instructions daily by the individuals that cross my path and though the struggle to deal with my own emotional reality can be difficult at times. I am still grateful for the opportunity to be part of the process as each particular family, and the many friends clothe their loved one; bringing forth strength in the storm of sickness. I have work in just about every unit in the hospital when I did work there. I have done some travel nursing and other aspect of nursing, but this is where I am ordained to be. I accept it with appreciation and love. I often smile at my friends when they question my chosen career choice, and I would tell them I do it. And, I don’t see myself doing anything else and all of my nursing experiences were to bring me to this defining moment. Bringing me full circle, and because on the other end of it all is the day of celebration. One of my patients once told me, Life is real, Life is earnest and the grave is not its goal. Dust thy art and to dust return is not spoken of the soul

This is Mr. SAM HEWLETT a few years before he got sick.

This was the man, healthy and full of life a year before he was diagnose with Glioblastoma, and who was able to fulfill a wish when he run in the marathon.

The Hewlett family as well as the many friends, and supporters were given the opportunity to share in Sam’s journey. They had precious memories of time shared, outpouring of tears, exchanging of hugs and kisses; and the gift of closure. But I ask the question, what about the many individuals who were not given the same opportunities to say good- bye, and to exchange the gift of love; or words of encouragement to their loved one?

What do you do when the guilt of regrets and a sense of loss suffocate you?

Foreword

This book discusses the lesson of dying with dignity while still holding on to an unbending faith and the eternal lessons of faith I have learned.

•     Faith is the voice of authority.

•     Faith power is the ability to make things happen.

•     The principle of faith is based on spiritual laws.

"Verily, verily; I say unto you. He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do, because I go unto my Father." John 14: 12.

The apostle John in this scripture is telling us about the ultimate victory of faith. I dedicate this book to a very unique individual who taught me what it is like to maintain steadfast strength in his faith while in the midst of a storm. I also thank his family and his many friends who opened their arms and hearts to me, and showed me what unconditional love looked and felt like.

Mr. Samuel Hewlett was a faithful and beautiful human being who was able to die with a dignity beyond understanding, leaving a legacy of testimony that will forever call out to all who were touched by his life.

The following poem is dedicated to one of God’s soldiers, Mr. Samuel Hewlett

SPECIAL DEDICATION TO THE MEMORY OF SAM HEWLETT, AND TO HIS FAMILY AND FRIENDS, AS WELL AS THE MANY SUPPORTING ANGELS

WHERE CAN I HIDE

BY

AMETHYST A NELSON-PRESTON

{I dedicate this poem to Cindy Hewlett}

I make the trip of life each day

Traveling the path of emotions

Passing the pieces of me along the way

I reach out to pick up the various pieces of me

As I tried to put the pieces to the puzzle

And I am amazed of what they are

I want to hide in the orbit of space

Where can I hide

Where does one hide when life gets too over bearing for them

You may hide in yourself

You may hide in the stillness of your dwelling

You may hide in the darkness of your bedroom

You may hide in your dreams

Where can I hide

You may hide in the shadow of you

You may hide in the person you want or wish to be

You may hide in your past hurts

You may hide in your childhood

Where can I hide

You may hide in another body

You may hide in disappointment

You may hide in sorrow

You may hide in grief

Where can I hide

You may hide in broken promises

You may hide in fantasy

You may hide in the various component of this life

Where can I hide

But rest a sure you can never hide from God

The one who see it all

So where can I hide

You may tell yourself that you’re hiding

But I am here to tell you, you can never really hid

There is nowhere to hide sooner or later you will be found

Where can I hide

So Cindy I knew you wanted to hide from what faced you daily

And yes, you want to hide from reality of Sam’s death

But know that you can always hide in your Heavenly Father’s loving arms

Enduring Woman

By

Amethyst A. Nelson-Preston

(I dedicated this poem to you Mother Hewlett, Sam’s mother)

Great woman! You’re call mother

of the womb

Daughter of the universe, lover to

the lonely

And friend to the friendless

Oh! Look how you wear the crown

of honor

With the grace of womanhood

Gallant soldier, your beauty is

unending

As you journey through life’s

garden

Motherhood! Your strength is the

chain that

Binds generation to generation

Compassion is the flame where

love overflows

And your bosom is the secret place we

call home

Amazing woman!

The Conqueror who was able

To turn her pain into victory

Your faithfulness was the vigor that

carried

You through the saga of your

experiences

And though Broken Spirit was your

song of praise

Kneeling in depth of uncertainties

The message of healing will be your

testimony

You’re the oxygen that emerged

wisdom from a

Drowning death breathing life back

into a shattered body

Reviving the spirit with heart wide

open to receive love

Understanding ears heard your

whisper of instructions

Looking pass scar tissues of

circumstances the glory of his

love filled you

Enduring woman! The sketch of

resiliency is

The tapestry of strength that

sustained you through your

storms

Your determination is the cloak of

conviction

That allowed you to face your

tomorrows

Precious Treasure!

As we lift you up dedicating

This day acknowledging your

Courage

We want to pay tribute to the Queen

of creation

Celebrating your resourceful

power

Knowing that in your wound of

pain

You will find the joy of love both

of you shared

So Enduring Woman rest now in

the peace of Jesus

He will always see you through

Dear Great Soul

By

Amethyst A Nelson-Preston

Dear Great Soul, I was blessed by

our meeting

The divine universe brought us

together

to share in such a time as this

Our song of praise was one of

inspiration and of strength

Your bravery in the midst of your

circumstance

Sketched a portrait of faith on your

canvas of dignity

As your story played out the

symphony of hope was composed

in the tapestry of your peace

Your message of blessings echoes in

the wind like manna from heaven

How immeasurable is the legacy

you have left behind to remind us

that we can find strength in our pulpit

Oh! See how divine blessings

poured out from heaven and earth

harmonized

as angels brought baskets of love

in abundance

Acknowledging wisdom of purity

allowing you to hold fast to a faith

that sustained you through it all

Your candle of splendor helped

illuminate the experience

Providing a path in the dark giving

courage to let go

Making room for the light to come

forth

Oh! Wandering spirit!

How do I begin to anticipate your

departure knowing you will one day

return to the one who is capable of

redeeming, you

When feelings of loss consumes

me

Your banner of faith will remind me

that in my imperfection

Your grace and mercy will covered

me letting me know

that my circumstances do not define

me

Father! How do I begin to count my

many blessings you have bestowed

me

Your love showered me and praise

of thanksgiving cried out

Sam! Your garment of strength will

profoundly burn in our hearts and

souls

Thank you, Dear Soul, for the

privilege of bearing witness to your

testimonies

And lessons of dying with dignity,

yet holding on to your faith

I Choose Life

BY

AMETHYST NELSON—PRESTON

Only you, oh Lord know my heart’s secret desire

You, oh lord, God alone is able to feel my pain

I look to my Father who remembered me in the days of old

Oh! How my cry echoes in the stillness of the night

Where your ears only were able to hear

The wound of my longing slice my tomorrow

Glancing on promises yet spoken

Do I dare ask the question, when oh lord

When will my Heavenly Father deliver me out of Egypt

Oh! How do I begin to embrace what is now a part of me

Should praise and thanksgiving ring out?

Or anger and bitterness have its final say

No! Though the body I once pampered

Has turned on me

I will give reverence

And appreciation for a soul and a

Spirit, which has allowed me to see

The beauty in the body I’m now keeping company with

Tossing in the sea of thoughts looking at the canvas of my life

Dreams of restlessness search for its owner

The voice of reassurance whispered

Stand still and see the salvation of the lord

Although my today is eating the breath of life

Flesh rejecting flesh telling it that you are

No longer in control

The phantom of the night have come calling

And the abyss laid waiting

Body that once embraced me has rejected me

I look beyond the savage beast that is now

My circumstance and see life

I choose life! I chose to cuddle each new dawn

Giving honor for yet another day

Witnessing the heart of each morning

Knowing that I have the power to choose

So I activate my power choice and I choose Life

Because life is footsteps in the shadow

Full of hope and promises signifying my spirit

I refuse to give consent to the intruder to conquer

Triumph will be my final curtain

Acknowledgements

First, I acknowledge my Heavenly Father who has equipped me with the depth of creativity. I understand the importance of His divine grace and mercy because without Him I am nothing.

Next, I honor my husband Emmanuel Preston for his support that allowed me to be obedient to the voice of my Lord and Master even when he, at times did not understand my actions. I want you to know that I appreciate the sacrifice you have made and have continued to endure while I answered the call.

I thank God for His intervention that permitted me to meet the Hewlett family and gave me the opportunity to witness true faith as I experienced their journey.

I greatly appreciate the Hewlett family for allowing me into their living space and embracing me. I pay homage to Royal Banks who started the journey with Sam and his family as Sam’s private duty nurse. I thank him for seeing something special in me, and for bringing me on as one of the team members who provided private duty care for Sam.

I acknowledge the many friends who walked through the Hewlett home and embraced me. I thank the spirit of friendship that comprised the tapestry of the Hewlett family. It showed me what manna from heaven look like.

Mother Hewlett, I call you blessed mother of this beautiful human being—Sam Hewlett. You are the dynasty of this family that I was so greatly touched by and the legacy that will now and forever make an imprint into the chamber of memories of we who are left to live in the beauty of who he was.

We come now to sing songs of praise, giving honor to the great dynasty knowing that pieces of yesterday will now merge with today. Even though the closing of passage has complete its course, promises of love and precious times shared across the mile of time will forever burn in your memories of your cherished son. You can take comfort in the fact that our Father has claimed his spirit.

This day I acknowledge your courage in the midst of your circumstances, and I want to pay tribute to you the queen of creation by celebrating your resourceful power. I especially, want to tell the children of this faithful soul; Will and Emmy that I was truly blessed to have given such an awesome privilege to care for their father. I say to both of you that I know Sam; your father will forever burn in your hearts. To Cindy, the wife of this great man; I thank you for showing me how to live faithfully to the marriage Covenant that said; in sickness and in health. I know that you too have walked this faithful journey with your husband, but know that you will rise from ashes to glory. Your strength was seen in your love for your husband. Cindy, I leave this poem;’ Letter from Heaven’ with you. And I want you to always remember that Sam loved you, and you were the queen of his heart; and he too felt your love for him.

Letter from Heaven

To my dearest family, some things I’d like to say.

But first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.

I’m writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.

Here, there are no more tears of sadness; Here’s just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy just because I’m out of sight.

Remember that I am