Prince Charming:

A Womans Guide to Understanding Idealized Portrayals of Men and Relationships in the Mass Media
BY: ISABELLE ARTHUR

For many of us women, fairytales are the very first stories that we grow to love as little girls. They create the foundation of our understanding of social behavior and constructs of the real world with the addition of sparkling magic. Because of their brilliance, our small hearts begin to fantasize about them throughout our childhood, wishing that we could take on the roles of one of the characters and be immersed in their fairytale land. As young princesses we long to fall in love with the wonderful prince, however his character has an unfortunate major flaw. The best-known feature of Prince Charming is that he is absolutely perfect in every respect and does everything in the way it is expected, including the destined rescue of his damsel in distress. This traditional stock character and its modernized versions are continuously presented throughout the mass media and perpetuate what we saw as children into our adult lives. Contemporary portrayals of men are idealized in a manner similar to the fairytale Prince Charming, however they have become much more complex as there is a lot more that is expected of them.

Women have a tendency to fantasize about the men they read about or see in the mass media, which consist of powerful influencers that disseminate messages to our society through narratives that inform, entertain, and persuade us (Galician, 8-69). Integrating itself into our daily lives through the mediums of Hollywood film, television, literature, recorded music, magazines and the World Wide Web, the mass medias capacity to shape our beliefs is very influential. Many concepts about gender and romantic relationships are constructed and learnt through the images that surround us, however the mass media rarely offer models of healthy, realistic romance (Galician, 5). Despite its misleading portrayals, the mass media is responsible for encouraging the irrational fantasies that women develop from a young age, and which we now desire for our own lives. According to Dr. Mary-Lou Galician, Higher usage of certain mass media is related to unrealistic expectations about coupleship, and these unrealistic expectations are also related to dissatisfaction in real-life romantic relationships(5). This statement reveals that while immersing oneself in a love fantasy is something many of us may do, it is detrimental to our relationship happiness. The reason for this is that it is irrational to believe that a human being could possibly live up to the perfection of a fictional hero, as media narratives often focus on superhuman characters that are physically, intellectually and emotionally stronger than normal people (Galician, 77). Developing the criteria for our perfect man based on what we see in the mass media is therefore a direct path to happily-never-after.

By restricting oneself to a limited view of what describes our ideal partner, we are missing out on the possibility for many great relationships. We are forming expectations for the men in our lives that simply cannot be met, and it has been found that twentieth-century women expect similar behavior from men that is based on the twelfth-century concept of courtly love (Galician, 57). When we do not receive from our partner what we have forever been anticipating, dissatisfaction is the inevitable consequence. In order to avoid this unfortunate outcome, contemporary women must become aware of the various ways that the mass media idealizes portrayals of men. Dr. Galician believes that the best way to achieve this is through media literacy, as she explains: Media literacy is a vital strategy and skill for everyone[and] is about understanding the sources and technologies of communication, the codes that are used, the messages that are produced, and the selection, interpretation, and impact of those messages(8-100). Therefore as a means of escaping from the idealized illusions formed by the mass media, media literacy is an empowering ability for women to develop as it allows us to distinguish between what is irrational and what can be realistically achieved.

In the case of idealized portrayals of men and relationships, there are certain aspects that are predominantly unrealistic. In order to help women improve their romantic relationships, several of them have been revealed and explained in the following pages. This guide has been developed with the intention to make North American women aware of the various ways that idealizations happen, and to teach them what to look out for when trying to be media literate. As a result of the research that has been done in relation to this topic, the information provided concerns heterosexual relationships, however certain aspects are certainly applicable to other types. With each idealization that is covered, advice is offered to assist women in subverting these unrealistic expectations in their real personal relationships. With this guidebook one can now understand which aspects of men should be less harshly critiqued, and which ones should be taken more seriously as they are warning signs for destructive relationships. A better understanding of these idealizations will help women develop rational expectations, and therefore lead them to forming happier and more satisfying relationships. It is now time to toss those Prince Charming checklists, and follow the path to happy-ever-after with the advice of this guide.

Idealization Number One: Appearances

This is in all probability the most obvious idealization to all women. We know very well that it is almost impossible to find a man with jaw-dropping perfect looks like those of models on magazine covers. As much as it is important to be attracted to your partner, exterior appearances should not be your main concern when considering who is the right person for you. Individuals working in the industry of the mass media are expected to be beautiful because they are paid to look good, and they maintain this in order to continue to receive jobs. However unless your man works in this industry, you cannot expect him to spend all of his time maintaining his appearance. We must also understand that images of men in print media are edited in the same way that those of women are, and no real person could ever imagine to be so perfected (Galician, 77). Therefore if you are looking through these pages in order to get a sense of what you want your ideal beloved to look like, this is certainly not the best place. It is also not socially acceptable for men to cover up their imperfections with makeup the way that women can, so it is very important to accept them as they are. According to Gordon Patzer, many people let what they see of a person strongly influence what they feel and believe about the individual(3). Unfortunately, this means that a good character and personality in a man often get overlooked because his exterior appearances do not attain the ideal image. It is important for women to think about it in this way: Is it really sensible to date a guy who is a jerk because he looks good? The point of a relationship is to be with someone who is a benefit to your life and happiness.

Idealization Number Two: Occupation

Certain stereotypes of particular careers are consistently emphasized through the mass media. An example of this is demonstrated with the belief that most firefighters are very good looking, though it is understood that being attractive is certainly not a requirement for this job. Moreover, occupation is also idealized through the excessive focus on careers that typically provide a person with a lot of cash as being the most desired. The examples that most likely come to mind for most women due to what is seen in the mass media are certainly the doctor or lawyer personality. These wealthy individuals are portrayed with their materialistic possessions, such as their flashy cars and nice watches and are considered very impressive. Although they look good and most likely show that a mans career provides him with a lot of money, it is important to consider why we find these things attractive. Theyre not a part of the person and occasionally, luxurious goods demonstrate a habit of unnecessary overspending. Although money is a necessity for living, a man shouldnt automatically be refused to start a relationship with you because of his job. It has actually been proven that women are often willing to trade good looks for socioeconomic status (Patzer, 35). This is unfortunate, because we must consider if a man is truly working very hard at his job, regardless of what it is. Ask yourself this: Is he a dedicated individual who has no intention of slacking off in his life and goals? He may not be able to provide as much as you can in terms of financial income, but would he be an amazing person in terms of helping as much as he can and being there for support? These are very important things to consider about your partners occupation in relation to who he is as person.

Idealization Number Three: Skills

Gender norms are a prevalent issue in society, and they are absolutely portrayed in the mass media as well. It has been found that people actually learn a lot about sex-oriented roles through the portrayals they view in the visuals they observe (Galician, 86). For example, we might traditionally consider men to be the ones who should fix the car or construct the deck for the backyard, but we must realize that we arent living in a society that is as traditional as that of our parents. Boys are not always taught the manly skills that they used to be because it simply isnt seen as a requirement for becoming a man. So although it might not seem very manly when your partner doesnt know anything about handyman work or playing sports, you need to really consider this aspect of our society. These small jobs are simple skills that people learn, they do not really say much about the character of the person. It is best to try to avoid judging a man because of the fact that he cannot fix the faucet, just as a woman shouldnt be judged for not loving a stereotypically female duty like cooking. More importantly, try not to think about gender roles and focus more heavily on what the person excels at doing, because it is very beneficial to share tasks equally by maintaining peer coupleship (Galician, 165).

Idealization Number Four: Mannerisms

A second idealization that deals with gender roles is mannerisms, as men are stereotypically expected to generally like certain things, such as beer and meat. We see this in commercials and in movies of almost any genre, but some guys choose to be vegetarian and drink wine, and there is no problem with that at all because individuality is part of our contemporary society. In the case of mannerisms within a relationship, film portrayals of men rarely demonstrate a happy couple that deals with each others annoying habits. We often feel that if these issues arise were not compatible with our partner, however habits like nail biting, cracking knuckles or whistling are things that can definitely be overlooked. They certainly arent a main issue, and shouldnt be a deal breaker. The important thing to remember here is communication, because nobody can read your mind and know what you expect them to behave like (Galician, 9). If your man makes the effort to avoid doing these things around you, you have to appreciate that he is trying and obviously cares about making the relationship work. Everybody have unique character traits, and if you love a person you should be able to accept these.

Idealization Number Five: Personality

It has been noted that portrayals of men in the mass media, particularly in film and television, depict male characters as being funny, successful, confident and athletic (MacKinnon, 88). They make women believe that these particular traits make the combination for the perfect personality of a man, but realistically this is a very specific combination, and not everyone meets a specific standard when there exists so much diversity in the world. Men are also portrayed as being a great boyfriend if they are generous with the time they give to you and the things they spend on you, but not all men can afford to do both. Often because of our global financial situation, it is very difficult to have a lot of money without being very busy with work and having limited recreational time. This works in the opposite way as well, because if a man were to give you all of his time he would probably not be placing his priorities on work, therefore leading himself to financial debt. In terms of different types of personalities that are idealized in the mass media, the rebel personality is certainly a significant one. This character stereotype that can be easily illustrated with John Travoltas role as of Danny in Grease (1978) is often portrayed as sexy, though his behavior is reckless and displays a rude temperament. In all reality, it should be clearly understood by women that a rebellious lifestyle such as this is certainly not favorable for maintaining a steady and healthy relationship.

Idealization Number Six: Arguments

A considerable idealization that many women most likely do not generally think about is how argumentative behavior in a relationship is portrayed through the mass media. In storylines, a consistent occurrence is the way in which two characters who strongly dislike one another develop so much tension that they consequently fall for each other. Their arguments are confused with passion, and this gives women the idea that having many arguments in a relationship is a result of a passionate connection (Galician, 186). We must understand that consistent conflict in a relationship is not a sign of intense emotion, but rather unhealthy behavior. On the other hand, the mass media also portrays happy couples as people who never fight or, who pass through hardships quickly. We observe relationships that are in constant display of the honeymoon phase behavior, however in reality even individuals who are delighted with their relationship occasionally argue with their partner (Galician, 56). It is natural reaction, and disagreeing on certain things does not signify the incompatibility of a couple. A beneficial way to approach dealing with this issue is through the most advised lesson of a relationship: communication. Helping your man understand what your viewpoint is will certainly help minimize the chance of a similar argument resurfacing, and a shared effort in applying this lesson to a relationship is constructive. You really shouldnt jump to the conclusion that small arguments are a sign that you arent meant to be with your man because it takes time to get to know a person, however if the arguments are persistent, it is important to remember that this should not be confused with passion.

Idealization Number Seven: Relationship Activities

Any narrative that is made for the mass media has the intention to be entertaining to its viewers. However, this unfortunately makes us feel like our real lives are very boring because characters in film and television series are frequently busy doing something exciting and fun. This pattern should make women realize that when we see portrayals of couples that are very regularly happy because theyre constantly doing interesting things, we need to remember that the mass media isnt going to show us anything repetitive. The times where couples spend multiple nights doing nothing together due to their busy schedules and other priorities arent shown for the simple lack of interest. Nevertheless, these occurrences are definitely part of daily life and we all need to accept this regardless of how mundane the reality is. There are certainly going to be days when you or your man wont have the chance to spend time with one another, but this is not a sign that your relationship is going downhill. However if you feel that the two of you are in a rut and a lack of recreational time is the problem, it does not have to be complicated to fit in the chance to bond with your beloved. Make the attempt to plan small recreational activities that require minimal time out of the day, but will accordingly lead up to an improvement. Who doesnt love to bake cookies?

Idealization Number Eight: Foreign Identity

Popular culture emphasizes all sorts of stereotypes, but idealized foreign identity can be greatly misleading in terms of expectations. The idea is that this form of stereotype makes people believe that individuals from certain countries have similarly shared characteristics with one another. We consequently assume that these people will behave in the way we expect because of where they come from, since the mass media have brought us to believe this as reality (Patzer, 23). In certain instances, this form of stereotyping can actually make a man appear more attractive simply because he has a relation to a foreign country where men have a good reputation. A strong example of this is the influence that accents have on what we assume of people. Most women probably agree that if a man has a British accent, we feel that he is automatically more appealing and that he must be a gentleman. Realistically however, it would be impossible for every man living in Britain to live up to this idealized image of its male population. In this particular case, we have to realize how irrational it is to believe that a man is more attractive because he was lucky enough to be have acquired the accent of the country he was born in. Put into a Canadian context, this would be like believing that a man is extremely friendly because his used of the word eh demonstrates that hes a Canadian citizen. So dont let yourself be fooled by the beautiful sound of his British voice, and consider if he is actually a gentleman or if it is only the accent thats making you feel that way about him.

Idealization Number Nine: Romance

Men in the mass media are often portrayed as truly loving their partner if they continuously make romantic gestures. This is realistically for show and entertainment, because these types of actions dont happen so frequently in real life. The purpose of film, television and novels is to give the viewer an escape from reality. Yet you cant expect your man to make grand romantic gestures because youve seen it done all the time in a movie, it is alternatively more satisfying to appreciate the small thoughtful things that your man does for you instead (Galician, 61). A more serious romance idealization that is portrayed is the romanticization of rough love. Many narratives deal with a storyline where a genuinely good woman falls in love with a lowlife character because she believes that she can change his behavior and turn him into a good person (Galician,179). The awful part is that most of these stories have happy endings when they are portrayed for our entertainment. The most traditional version of this is the fairytale of beauty and the beast, where a young woman has the ability to turn a beast into her Prince Charming through perseverance (Galician, 178). This gives women false hope that we can change the tendencies of a person, but the reality is that this is not realistically possible. It has been found that these types of relationships lead to unfortunate circumstances such as domestic abuse, and it is best to stay away from them regardless of how much you want to help the person (Galician, 179). If you ever feel yourself giving in to the belief that your time and efforts will change the negative behavior of a man, it is important to realize that this is not a favorable relationship and that it is unquestionably unhealthy.

WORKS CITED
Galician, Mary-Lou. Sex, Love, and Romance in the Mass Media: Analysis and Criticism of Unrealistic Portrayals and Their Influence. New Jersey: Psychology Press, 2004. Print. MacKinnon, Kenneth. Representing men: maleness and masculinity in the media. New York: Arnold, 2003. Print. Patzer, Gordon L. Looks: Why They Matter More Than You Ever Imagined. New York: Amacom, 2008. Print.