COMPETENT NEGOTIATION

JOSE PIL | MAY 14, 2012 | TOASTMASTERS SPEECH #3 PROJECT #2

Life is relentless series of negotiation. Think about it. We negotiate with our clients about scope, budget, and schedule. We negotiate with our project managers when we miss deadlines. Were motivated to succeed, so that we can then negotiate for higher salaries. We come home and negotiate with our spouse on what the new car will be. One wants a 2-seater; the other a minivan. We go to the car dealership to negotiate for the best deal. We do all this so that we can go to work tomorrow in the new car and negotiate for another day. Like public speaking, the concept of negotiation is intimidating to some people. In general, there is a fear of rejection, a fear of losing, or a fear of offending. Curiously, the art of negotiation is one of those soft-skills I was never taught in school. Considering how often we negotiate, it is crucial that we become better at it. Today, I will share three principles that can help you become a more competent negotiator. First, learn the power of the silent treatment. Just last month, I was in a heated debate with my girlfriend. Tempers rose as we traded blows of argument and rebuttal. Eventually, I paused and did not speak. The silence proved unbearable. Before I could reformulate my case, she was already making concessions. She didnt realize that I simply had nothing better to say. Like a toastmaster blindsided by a bewildering table topic, I was drawing blank. She had the upper hand, but lost it. The next time youre suffering a panic-induced brain-freeze, you might just be turning the tides of war. Second, dont be afraid to stick to your guns. A year ago I purchased a used camera lens from Kijiji. My intention was honourable: to lowball the seller. But I felt justified in my reasons. He was the third owner of a 25 year-old lens. After about two weeks of negotiation through email, he finally put his foot down. He said, I hear what youre saying about the lens. But the lens is still good. Eve n before I put this lens up for sale, I had already decided on a minimum price. I will not sell it for lower. As soon as I read t hat email, I knew that he had won. My negotiation skills were underdeveloped. He had clearly defined his brackets, whereas I was purely speculative in my bargaining. In retrospect, I should have countered, Thats great. If you change your mind, let me know. This brings me to my third and final principle: never lose your walk away power. It is better to walk away from a deal, than to make exorbitant concessions to the other party. Personally, I feel this is most applicable when making a one-time purchase or sale, where you dont need to maintain the relationship after the deal. In other words, dont use this tactic on people you care about. When I was a child, I witnessed my mom put this strategy to great effect. We were shopping for a video game in Singapore and were quoted $90. My mom cringed and walked away. As we turned to leave, we could hear the shopkeeper yell, How about $30? The art of negotiation is an essential life-skill. Today we talked about using the silent treatment, sticking to your guns, and having the power to walk away. The best scenario is a win-win situation. Try not to burn any bridges. Remember, as long as both parties think they won, there will be a deal. And in that vein, negotiation is intertwined with diplomacy. As the famous saying goes, Diplomacy is telling someone to Go to Hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Jose Pil 2012