COACHING i n t e r n a t i o n a l

NUGGET

Empowering you to Empower Others!

ILS EMPOWER 4 STEP System Coaching

Learning Objectives
Thus one is led to a new notion of unbroken wholeness, which denies the classical idea of analysability of the world into separately and independently existing parts. David Bohm

What is 4 Step System Coaching?

? Understand what

4 Step System Coaching is

Inspired by the work of Bert Hellinger and Rupert Sheldrake as well as insights found in 'systems theory', ILS has summarised an understanding of working with and optimising systems into 4 steps. These 4 steps are: 1. 2. 3. 4. BELONGING PLACEMENT BURDENS GIFTS

In every system, the 4 consecutive steps are critical for the optimal functioning of the system. What do we mean by systems? Systems include:
? Teams ? Business units ? Organisations ? Families ? Step families ? Partnerships ? Couples ? Schools ? Boards ? Religions ? Cultures ? Races ? Countries

Basically any grouping of people, small or large, that are found in a system linked by common ground or circumstances. When the 4 steps are violated or even if one is lacking, the system suffers. To coach a system to optimal successful functioning, the 4 steps provide a helpful framework for powerful, solution focused questions. It also gives a depth to understanding systemic obstacles that sabotage systems. Finding solutions for each step is most helpful. Use this framework to seek and brainstorm practical solutions for systems.

Written by Colleen-Joy Page Copyright 2011 www.innerlifeskills.com

COACHING i n t e r n a t i o n a l

NUGGET

Empowering you to Empower Others!

ILS EMPOWER 4 STEP System Coaching

Learning Objectives
Thus one is led to a new notion of unbroken wholeness, which denies the classical idea of analysability of the world into separately and independently existing parts. David Bohm

Here is an outline of each of the 4 steps:

? Have an

overview of 4 Step System Coaching as a self coaching and coaching process

1.

BELONGING

Everyone in a system belongs equally to the system. Although their roles are different, and although their levels of responsibility differ, each has an equal right to belong. When we exclude (unconsciously and consciously) we create a vacuum and disturb the optimal functioning of the system. Nature and systems seem to respond to the 'missing' person by drawing another person in to fill the gap. Unfortunately when someone takes the place of another, problems arise. In nature, belonging is easy to see and understand. Everything in the body belongs and has a role. Though the roles differ, each belongs. Examples:
? If we removed our shoulders and tried to put the elbow in its place, this would

result in pain and dysfunction.

? To try and produce more produce, farmers used pesticides to kill off insects that

destroyed about 10% of the crop. The pesticides worked but also eliminated insects that controlled the natural balance of the ecosystem. The long term results were a damaged ecosystem, new more aggressive problems, food made less healthy, dependence on more aggressive pesticides and other chemicals to fight the resulting war to keep their farm viable. In families, belonging is critical. Everyone in a family system belongs equally. If for example a parent is absent physically or emotionally, or is perceived as incompetent, a child my unconsciously try to replace the parent. Although this is an act of emotional survival and often love, the result is painful and dysfunctional. When we cut people out of the system emotionally, we create vacuums that cause problems, especially since someone likely tries to replace the excluded person. Examples:
? A married couple has problems and divorce. The mother is so angry that she cuts

off emotionally from her ex. The children feel torn between their parents. When the children are with their mother they sense her exclusion of their father. To be loyal to their mother they feel pressure to exclude their father also. This has long term painful consequences for everyone.
? A young man chooses to marry outside of his family's culture and religion, his

father refuses to accept his son's choice and disowns him. This has painful ripple effects throughout the family and for future generations.

Written by Colleen-Joy Page Copyright 2011 www.innerlifeskills.com

COACHING i n t e r n a t i o n a l

NUGGET

Empowering you to Empower Others!

ILS EMPOWER 4 STEP System Coaching

Learning Objectives
Thus one is led to a new notion of unbroken wholeness, which denies the classical idea of analysability of the world into separately and independently existing parts. David Bohm

? Have an

In organisations and bigger group systems (even countries) excluding individuals or groups can have serious long term consequences. The vacuum unsettles the entire system. Examples:
? Three entrepreneurs start a business together and 5 years later the business is

overview of 4 Step System Coaching as a self coaching and coaching process continued Gain several 4 ? Step System belonging coaching questions

doing so well that they bring on a new partner. The new partner is dynamic and brings a new burst of energy into the business, along with even more growth. New roles are organically evolved and three of the partners have regular communications because of the nature of their roles. One of the founding partners feels excluded and his role is less defined than the other partners. This starts festering into resentment and starts to threaten the success of the business.
? An organisation undergoes a massive change process. As a consequence lines

of communication are changed. After a year a department that used to play a central role now feels sidelined and undervalued. Other departments don't have a clear understanding of that department's role or value. This causes low morale, infighting and a drop in productivity. Coaching belonging questions:
? Who is factually a part of this system (regardless of opinions and levels of

responsibility or importance)?
? Who are all the stakeholders in this? ? Who are all the members of this group? ? Are there any individuals or subgroups that potentially feel excluded and how

might this be corrected?

? How can you ensure that you are including everyone? ? If an individual has been excluded, how can we honour their belonging

(regardless of the story attached to them)?

? If you feel excluded, how can you remind yourself that you belong? ? If you feel excluded, what could you do to more of to include yourself in a

positive way?

Written by Colleen-Joy Page Copyright 2011 www.innerlifeskills.com

COACHING i n t e r n a t i o n a l

NUGGET

Empowering you to Empower Others!

ILS EMPOWER 4 STEP System Coaching

Learning Objectives
Thus one is led to a new notion of unbroken wholeness, which denies the classical idea of analysability of the world into separately and independently existing parts. David Bohm

2.
? Have an

PLACEMENT

overview of 4 Step System Coaching as a self coaching and coaching process continued

Once belonging is considered, it's time to look at placement. Everyone belongs, but we all belong in our right places. What is a right place? It's a true place. When people are in their right places, it works and brings natural solutions because it is based on what is factually true. In nature there is a natural order to everything. This natural order includes natural and true placements. To disturb this placement in anyway risks the integrity of the entire system. By considering placements and returning things to their right places, we increase harmony and the natural successful functioning of a system. Examples:
? In a forest, larger predators hunt smaller mammals, their place is at the top of the

food chain. Smaller mammals live off insects and plants; their place is clear in the ecosystem, insects and plants serve from the base of the food chain. Each member of the ecosystem belongs and has an equal right to belong. And each belongs in the correct place.
? Grasses thrive on the open plains, tropical plants thrive in shaded valleys, aloes

and succulents thrive in dry climates, and each thrives in its natural and true place. Trying to grow plants in places that are not true to their design invites struggle and failure. Nature is very good at honouring belonging and placement, we can learn from nature. In families, the placement of people is based on fact and truth. Sometimes out of pain, fear or desire, we try to deny, distort or change the natural placements and this disturbs the entire family system. Examples:
? Your mother is your mother and your father is your father. That's their natural and

true place. Regardless of the story of your past (which coaching doesn't focus on), the fact is that honouring the true placements contributes to our wellbeing. We have no power to change the truth, so trying to change what we cannot only brings frustration.
? Sibling placement is factually based on order of birth. When a sibling tries to be

first, when they are in fact in order of birth not first, this is a systemic disturbance. Taking our true rightful place in our minds is empowering.
? Step parents are step parents; blood parents are blood parents, trying to replace

someone else's role causes problems in the family system.

? A child becomes the emotional parent to a parent and in so doing, loses their

place as the child and takes on the inappropriate burdens of the parent they try to replace.

Written by Colleen-Joy Page Copyright 2011 www.innerlifeskills.com

COACHING i n t e r n a t i o n a l

NUGGET

Empowering you to Empower Others!

ILS EMPOWER 4 STEP System Coaching

Learning Objectives
Thus one is led to a new notion of unbroken wholeness, which denies the classical idea of analysability of the world into separately and independently existing parts. David Bohm

3.
? Have an

BURDENS

overview of 4 Step System Coaching as a self coaching and coaching process continued

We often unconsciously take on others emotional and mental burdens. What we mean by burdens, is not in the practical sense of helping out or contributing. What we mean is to carry the 'story' of another. As individuals, when we are out of our true place, we are therefore also in someone else's place. When we are in someone else's place, we try to carry their burdens for them. Carrying anothers burdens can be conscious or unconscious. Here is a list of some of what we mean by burdens:
? Emotions ? Responsibilities ? Destiny ? Duties ? Issues ? Worries ? Pain ? Story ? Prejudices ? Beliefs ? Bias ? Longing ? Fears ? Desires

In nature, animals, plants and minerals are all automatically clear on their place and therefore nothing in nature takes on the burdens of another. Animals don't step out of their true designs; they simply honour their own burdens according to their designs. Nothing steps out of its role/place to attempt to take anothers burden. As humans, our minds allow us to question. This can be a blessing or a curse. Questions when pointed towards corroding our true nature with self-doubt and fighting our true designs are disempowering and don't belong in top coaching. Questions that honour our true nature, are focused on finding solutions to fulfil our duties and empower others belong in coaching. Find solutions to give back the emotional and mental burdens that do not belong to you. Find solutions to completely and confidently claim the burdens and duties that do belong to you. This way you honour your true nature and the systems that you belong to. In families, we often take on others burdens without realising it. This is done innocently and often as an act of love. But the consequences are not helpful. We weaken those for whom we carry burdens, and we have to leave our place to carry others burdens, which negatively affects the entire system.

Written by Colleen-Joy Page Copyright 2011 www.innerlifeskills.com

COACHING i n t e r n a t i o n a l

NUGGET

Empowering you to Empower Others!

ILS EMPOWER 4 STEP System Coaching

Learning Objectives
Thus one is led to a new notion of unbroken wholeness, which denies the classical idea of analysability of the world into separately and independently existing parts. David Bohm

Examples:
? Have an

overview of 4 Step System Coaching as a self coaching and coaching process continued Gain several 4 ? Step System coaching questions

? A couple are arguing, their child overhears the argument and takes a side. The

child takes the burden of one of the parent's anger. This removes them from their true place as a child and they damage their relationship with the parent as a result.
? A child sees her mother behaving in a way that makes the child feel that her

mother is not coping. The child starts parenting the mother and in so doing takes on her burdens. In organisations, there is a big difference between being a fantastic contributor and taking on other peoples burdens. There is also a difference between helping out with the workload and carrying others. Taking others burdens and carrying others has an emotional load, it is not just physically draining but is also emotionally stressful. It's when you literally feel heavier with thinking about and for others. Instead of coaching others to find their own best solutions, you try to solve everything for them. Coaching and getting clear on this system step is very important. It encourages us all to empower others rather than to carry others burdens. We do weaken those for whom we carry for, and systems suffer. So although it seems like a good idea in the short term, it fails in the long term. Examples:
? A team leader spends many evenings thinking about and worrying about his

team. The team are being moved to a new department and some are unhappy about the change. The leader is trying to look after everyone's emotions and isn't asking the team to bring their own best solutions to make the move work!
? An employee has to deal occasionally with a very busy manager. He doesn't

agree with the company's policies about billing and client relationships, and starts taking on the role of manager bringing in his own ideas to the department without consulting anyone. The manager gets angry and challenges the employee, who ducks and dives, and continues his behaviour making many in the department upset. Over time some staff leave because of his actions. The employee is stressed and unhappy because he is trying to take the burdens and role of manger, when it is not his to take. Coaching burden questions:
? What burdens might I be carrying that belong to others, and how can I release

them?
? Where in my relationships do I feel burdened with emotion and mental worry that

I could resolve by letting go of burdens that are not mine?

? How can I positively and constructively address my concerns about the person I

am judging instead of trying to take their burdens and place?

? How can I best cope with my own burdens and make sure I am handling them to

the best of my ability?

Written by Colleen-Joy Page Copyright 2011 www.innerlifeskills.com

COACHING i n t e r n a t i o n a l

NUGGET

Empowering you to Empower Others!

ILS EMPOWER 4 STEP System Coaching

Learning Objectives
Thus one is led to a new notion of unbroken wholeness, which denies the classical idea of analysability of the world into separately and independently existing parts. David Bohm

? Have an

overview of 4 Step System Coaching as a self coaching and coaching process continued Gain several 4 ? Step System placement coaching questions

Coaching doesn't focus on what we are powerless to change, but rather redirects our attention to what we do have the power to change. We cannot change the placements of our family members, but we can find solutions to accept the truth and work positively with the truth. In organisations, there is a natural and important hierarchy based on levels of responsibility and choice. The ILS Power Formula - P = R + C (power equals responsibility plus choice) is a good lens to measure levels of power, where people with greater responsibility and accompanying greater amounts of choices have greater power to carry. When roles are unclear in organisations then problems arise. This is because people don't know what their place truly is. To help define roles more clearly, use the ILS Power Formula method and list the exact choices that make up each person. Teams that share choices also need to understand and clearly distinguish their choices from others. Power struggles in organisations are always linked to clashes over territory, which is a placement issue. By clearly defining roles, and ensuring that all individuals know the choices that make up their roles and are capable of executing their choices well, you support each person's correct placement. Watch out for and correct placement misalignments as soon as possible, seek solutions and empower the system with clear and true placements. Examples:
? A new partner in a firm starts stepping on toes by poaching other partner's clients,

taking liberties and acting in a way that is superior to more senior partners.
? A large company changes to a matrix international enterprise, communication

lines and true placements are now unclear, as a result many staff are overworking, some underperforming and many disagreements are happening around 'whose job it is to make what decision? Progress is slow because people are unclear about who can make final decisions now. They train in house ILS Coaches and start immediately seeing improvements all around, as roles are defined and placement in the system are owned. Coaching placement questions:
? What are the exact places (roles) needed by this organisation? ? What are the places in this family, and whose true role is each? ? How can we ensure that we honour our true place completely? ? If we have taken another person's place, how can we rectify this? ? Who is best suited (capable, with the skills and nature) to be in this place? ? Are there any placements that need adjusting, and if so what is the best solution

for this?
? How could you possibly improve your ability to be comfortable and competent in

your true place?

Written by Colleen-Joy Page Copyright 2011 www.innerlifeskills.com

COACHING i n t e r n a t i o n a l

NUGGET

Empowering you to Empower Others!

ILS EMPOWER 4 STEP System Coaching

Learning Objectives
Thus one is led to a new notion of unbroken wholeness, which denies the classical idea of analysability of the world into separately and independently existing parts. David Bohm

4.
? Have an

GIFTS

overview of 4 Step System Coaching as a self coaching and coaching process continued

Once you have a complete awareness of belonging, and have corrected placement and given back burdens, then finally we can receive the full gifts of the systems we belong to. When our hands are full of other's burdens, we can't receive the gifts. By giving back burdens that are not ours, we now have room to receive. The gifts of systems are received automatically (unconsciously when the system is functioning well) and can also be consciously received. NATURE When natural systems are functioning well, where everything is in its right and true place, the gifts of nature are abundant. Here are some examples:
? Health ? Longevity ? Balance ? Harmony ? Abundance ? Survival needs cared for ? Beauty ? Natural order

FAMILY When the family system is functioning well, when the family members of past and present belong in our minds and hearts and we know our true place, when we give back the burdens that do not belong to us, then we suddenly without effort or action receive the bounty of gifts that the family system has to offer. Here are some examples:
? Inner strength ? Feeling safe in the world ? Confidence ? Love ? Belonging ? The best of the heritage, countries and cultures we belong to

Written by Colleen-Joy Page Copyright 2011 www.innerlifeskills.com

COACHING i n t e r n a t i o n a l

NUGGET

Empowering you to Empower Others!

ILS EMPOWER 4 STEP System Coaching

Learning Objectives
Thus one is led to a new notion of unbroken wholeness, which denies the classical idea of analysability of the world into separately and independently existing parts. David Bohm

ORGANISATIONS
? Have an

overview of 4 Step System Coaching as a self coaching and coaching process continued Gain several 4 ? Step System coaching questions

When an organisational system is working optimally, when every part of the system belongs and the members of the system are in their correct place, and when each one carries their own burdens well and no other, then the gifts of organisations flourish. Here are some examples of gifts:
? Flow ? Cooperation ? Growth ? Resilience ? Ethical trade ? Social responsibility ? Contribution ? Success

Coaching gift questions:

? How can I receive the gifts of this ... (system) completely? ? What are the gifts available to me here? ? How can we acknowledge the gifts from this ... (nature/family/organisation)? ? How can we appreciate completely what we receive?

System transformational statements The system transformational statements are like deeper truths. Please feel free to come up with adapted versions of your own. Just remember to stay out of the surface story and keep pushing for deeper truth. Use them as affirmations, prayers or within your meditations and healing work. Parent to Child
? I am sorry I couldn't always be there for you. ? I am sorry I couldn't always see you. ? You are the best child for me. ? Leave these (burdens) with me/us. ? Take the best from me/us (ancestors). ? I am the parent; you are just my little child, nothing more, nothing less.

Child to Parent
? I am little, you are big. ? Respectfully, I leave these (burdens) with you. ? You are the best mother/father for me. ? Thank you for the gift of life.

Written by Colleen-Joy Page Copyright 2011 www.innerlifeskills.com

COACHING i n t e r n a t i o n a l

NUGGET

Empowering you to Empower Others!

ILS EMPOWER 4 STEP System Coaching

Learning Objectives
Thus one is led to a new notion of unbroken wholeness, which denies the classical idea of analysability of the world into separately and independently existing parts. David Bohm

Parents to each other

? Have an

overview of 4 Step System Coaching as a self coaching and coaching process continued

? I am sorry for the way things turned out. ? We are still the parents, nothing changes that. ? You are the best mother/father for me. ? You will always have a place in my heart. ? Thank you for the gift of our child.

Departed to living
? I am sorry, I had to leave. ? It is not your time stay. ? I am here for you.

Living to departed
? I miss you. (Then use the statements from departed to living)

Siblings (Declare them in order of birth include the departed)

? I am number 1. ? I am number 2. ? Etc.

From person who has done harm

? I am deeply sorry.

From ancestors/country/religion/culture
? Take the best from us take the light and leave the burdens. ? (Place the ancestors behind and feel support).

Written by Colleen-Joy Page Copyright 2011 www.innerlifeskills.com