This isnt about how to keep your kids from being bullied, but how to outwit the bully

and make him pine for your attention. Popular kids dont need to stick up for themselves, they have too much self-esteem for that. Instead, they choose who they want to talk to, and who they allow attention from. That is I learned from this book. -Rachele G.

What Separates a Popular Kid from a Bullied Kid?

There are three personality traits that popular children possess that normal children are missing.The Anti-Bullying Guide fills you in on these traits as well as shows you how to easily teach them to your child. Thats why youre here, after all. To not only stop the bullying, harassment, and intimidation going on in your childs life, but to make your child live with purpose and passion. The goal is to raise a confident child whos lifestyle is exciting, fun, and full of friends. This ebook is the only real solution to making this happen.

Leadership
Teaching children how to be a leader to their classmates, instead of the follower. Teaching your child how to choose their emotions at will.

Confidence
How to overcome shyness and become the most assertive, confident child in school. Easy technique to get kids pining for your childs attention rather than the other way around.

Ending Bullying
Twisting around what a bully says to make him like you instead of pick on you. Powerful body language techniques that can disarm a bully before he has a chance to strike.

Examples of bully situations with a step-by-step analysis on how to fix each problem.

Games and Exercises

A bevy of improv games specifically made to skyrocket your childs social skills up through the roof. How to give your child purpose in his or her life. When they have purpose, negativity and problems vanish.

He words things in such a way that it is easy for anyone to understand (even me, a mom with way too little sleep and a wandering mind!). One minute I was laughing and was inspired the next. I know it sounds cheesy and totally geeky of me but from all the lessons I learned in this book, it seemed like it was written just for me! It not only helped me with parenting but with me personally as well. Most of you probably dont know this but Im incredibly shy so it taught me a lot.

. The application of rules relating to how children are expected to treat each other and the use of consequences (usually sanctions or punishments) when bullying behaviour is identified. 2. The use of Restorative Justice procedures (see http://www.aic.gov.au/publications/tandi/tandi219.html) 3. Mediation between children in conflict. 4. The use of the No-Blame or Social Group Method (see http://www.luckyduck.co.uk/supportgroup/docs/ Ch15-BullyinginSecondaySchools.pdf ) 5. The use of the Method of Shared Concern

As a culture, we are focusing new attention on childhood bullying and harassment. As we watch children being crushed by bullying, we often feel powerless. No more! There are ways to stop bullying, based on decades of research.

According to world-wide research, bullying behavior can be reduced. In addition, the trauma that bullying sometimes causes can be reduced.
There is little need to describe why people want to stop childhood bullying. Youth who bully frequently during adolescence are more likely to be aggressive and to have criminal records in adulthood. Bullied children may grow up with diminished self-confidence and a sense of isolation and helplessness. The Stop Bullying Now interventions are based on the work of many researchers in bullying prevention, including Norway's Dan Olweus, England's Smith and Sharp, the USA's Dorothea Ross, Canada's Wendy Craig and Debra Pepler, Australia's Ken Rigby, and on social worker Stan Davis's forty years of experience with children, families, and schools.

o o o

Consensus-development among staff (with input from students and community members) so people enforce the same expectations consistently. What is your school's definition of unacceptable peer behavior? What behaviors will you commit to changing no matter what it takes? These might include: physical aggression: hitting, kicking, pushing, choking, punching; verbal aggression: threatening, taunting, teasing, hate speech; social exclusion. Development and consistent enforcement of effective consequences for verbal and physical aggression which are predictable, inevitable, immediate, and escalating and based on uniform expectations for all. Consistent use of consequences will reduce these behaviors and are a necessary component of effective prevention. Inconsistent enforcement makes the problem worse. Effective consequences are small (so they can be used consistently), escalate with repeated aggression, and often involve loss of unstructured times like recess, lunch with peers, or extracurricular activities. Building positive connections between staff and students and positive feeling tone in staff-student interactions. Monitoring to make sure that consequences and education are effective. Effective counseling for youth who bully after enforcement of consequences has generated some anxiety. Effective support for targeted youth, including protection from repeated mistreatment. Empowering bystanders to tell adults, support targets, and discourage unacceptable behavior. From a 2008 study of bullying prevention in Colorado schools (USA) "A reduction in bullying occurred in schools where teachers and students are willing to intervene, treat each other fairly and demonstrate that they care." "Adult and student intervention in bullying is critical from elementary through high school." "A positive relationship with adults and students at school and a school culture of trust and fairness are key to reducing bullying." "Schools with lower levels of bullying report higher scores on statewide tests."

The best and most obvious way to stop bullying in schools is for parents to change the way they parent their children at home. Of course, this is much easier said than done and everyone parents their children differently. Bullies, however, come from homes where physical punishment is used and children have been taught that physical violence is the way to handle problems and get their way. Bullies usually also come from homes where the parents fight a lot, so violence has been modeled for them. Parental involvement often is lacking in bullies lives and there seems to be little warmth. Early intervention and effective discipline and boundaries truly is the best way to stop bullying, but parents of the victims or therapists cannot change the bullys home environment. Some things can be done at the school level, however. 1. Most school programs that address bullying use a multi-faceted approach to the problem. This usually involves counseling of some sort, either by peers, a school counselor, teachers, or the principal. 2. Hand out questionnaires to all students and teachers and discuss if bullying is occurring. Define exactly what constitutes bullying at school. The questionnaire is a wonderful tool that allows the school to see how widespread bullying is and what forms it is taking. It is a good way to start to address the problem. 3. Get the childrens parents involved in a bullying program. If parents of the bullies and the victims are not aware of what is going on at school, then the whole bullying program will not be effective. Stopping bullying in school takes teamwork and concentrated effort on everyones part. Bullying also should be discussed during parent-teacher conferences and PTA meetings. Parental awareness is key. 4. In the classroom setting, all teachers should work with the students on bullying. Oftentimes even the teacher is being bullied in the classroom and a program should be set up that implements teaching about bullying. Children understand modeling behaviors and role-play and acting out bullying situations is a very effective tool. Have students role-play a bullying situation. Rules that involve bullying behaviors should be clearly posted. Schools also could ask local mental health professionals to speak to students about bullying behaviors and how it directly affects the victims. 5. Schools need to make sure there is enough adult supervision at school to lessen and prevent bullying. A child who has to endure bullying usually suffers from low self-esteem and their ability to learn and be successful at school is dramatically lessened. Schools and parents must educate children about bullying behaviors; it will help all children feel safe and secure at school. Children who bully need to be taught empathy for others feelings in order to change their behaviors and the school must adopt a zerotolerance policy regarding bullying.

New research from the Secret Service and the U.S. Department of Education on 37 school shootings, including Columbine, found that almost three-quarters of student shooters felt bullied, threatened, attacked or injured by others. In fact, several shooters reported experiencing long-term and severe bullying and harassment from their peers. Indeed says Limber, "Bullying is a very common experience for kids in school" and more widespread than previously thought. Other findings from the report on school shootings:

Attackers were rarely impulsive; they planned their actions. In more than 80 percent of the cases, at least one person knew the attacker was planning something; two or more people knew in almost 60 percent of the cases. School shooters don't fit an accurate "profile." The attackers studied were all boys, but they varied in age, race, family situations, academic achievement, popularity and disciplinary history. Most attackers did not threaten their targets beforehand. Before the shootings, most attackers exhibited behaviors that caused others concern, such as trying to obtain a gun or writing troubling poems and essays.

Bullying experts say that, while it's important to understand the connection between bullying and school shootings, more studies are needed on the full range of bullying behavior and on the socio-ecological conditions that allow it to flourish in some schools. Only studying "the extreme end is neglecting the fact that there's a peer group supporting [bullying] behavior and that we have kids playing various roles," says Espelage, who teaches psychology at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. New and innovative research A nationally representative study of 15,686 students in grades six through 10, published last year in the Journal of the American Medical Association (Vol. 285, No. 16) is among the most recent to document the scope of bullying in U.S. schools. In the study, psychologist Tonja R. Nansel, PhD, and colleagues found that 17 percent of students reported having been bullied "sometimes" or more frequently during the school term. About 19 percent reported bullying others "sometimes" or more often. And six percent reported both bullying and having been bullied. Nansel and colleagues also found that:

Bullying occurs most frequently from sixth to eighth grade, with little variation between urban, suburban, town and rural areas. Males are more likely to be bullies and victims of bullying than females. Males are more likely to be physically bullied, while females are more likely to be verbally or psychologically bullied.

Bullies and victims of bullying have difficulty adjusting to their environments, both socially and psychologically. Victims of bullying have greater difficulty making friends and are lonelier. Bullies are more likely to smoke and drink alcohol, and to be poorer students. Bully-victims--students who are both bullies and recipients of bullying--tend to experience social isolation, to do poorly in school and to engage in problem behaviors such as smoking and drinking.

Susan M. Swearer, PhD, lead investigator for the Nebraska Bullying Prevention and Intervention Project, is among the researchers taking a closer look at bully-victims. "In the past, bullying behavior was dichotomized--students were classified as either bullies or victims," she says. "But, kids [often] report that they're both." In one of Swearer's studies, bully-victims experience higher levels of depression and anxiety than the bully-only group or the victim-only group. "The bully-victim subgroup is really more impaired in terms of internalizing problems," says the University of Nebraska-Lincoln school psychology professor. In another line of her research, Swearer found that teachers aren't always able to identify bullies. Limber concurs. "Unfortunately, adults within the school environment dramatically overestimate their effectiveness in identifying and intervening in bullying situations," she says. This can have serious implications, Swearer believes. For instance, to cut costs, some schools conduct intervention programs in group settings. "If bully-victims are in the group, they may cause problems for kids who are victims." It's better for bully-victims to be treated separately, she says. According to Limber, mediation programs for bullies and victims are also problematic. Peer mediation may be appropriate in resolving conflict between students with equal power, but "bullying is a form of victimization," she says. "It's no more of a 'conflict' than child abuse or domestic violence." The University of Illinois's Espelage is also doing research on bullying that she says is a radical departure from how previous studies have defined bullying. "Although folks have studied aggression and bullying, the focus in the United States has been on physical aggression. [Bullying has also been] seen as the behavior of only a small percentage of students," she explains. "We see bullying as a continuum in which many students engage in these behaviors at various levels." For example, some studies focused on extreme cases of bullying by excluding students reporting low and moderate levels of bullying behavior or by collapsing participants into extreme categories on a bullying scale, continues Espelage. That approach "reduces the precision in measurement of bullying behavior and fails to consider an important aspect of the ecological framework--the school." However, Espelage's research shows that adolescents don't fit neatly into strict categories of bullying or nonbullying. Instead, her findings indicate that bullying behavior is common, with most students reporting some involvement in bullying others. In fact, some of these students are unwilling participants

in low-level bullying--teasing, name-calling, threatening and social ridiculing of peers--but are afraid to go against their peer group. "The sixth-grader who wants to fit in will go along with harassing other kids," explains Espelage. "You can see the empathy in them. They're engaging in behavior that doesn't feel good to them. I feel for these kids the most." Creating programs that work Many psychologists agree that to design effective bullying-prevention and intervention programs, they need to understand that a child's tendency toward bullying is influenced by individual, familial and environmental factors. To this end, Espelage and colleagues at K12 Associates in Madison, Wis., have surveyed and continue to study 20,000 public school students--as well as teachers, parents and administrators--on issues including the prevalence and incidence of bullying, teasing, locations of bullying, school climate and respect for diversity. After survey data are entered and analyzed, reports are given to individual schools so that they can design prevention and intervention programs based on their own data. Like Espelage, Limber is also helping schools develop programs. The most effective strategies to stop bullying involve "the entire school as a community to change the climate of the school and the norms of behavior," she says. This is why her institute promotes the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program, developed by Norwegian psychologist Dan Olweus, PhD--considered by many to be the "father" of bullying research. In this intervention, school staff introduce and implement the program, which seeks to improve peer relations and make the school a safe and pleasant environment. Limber is also a consultant on The National Bullying Prevention Campaign, a multiyear public awareness and prevention effort by the Health Resources and Services Administration in the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. The research-based campaign, set to launch next September, will include input from educators, parents, students, health and mental health professionals and the community, says Limber. The campaign's goals are to raise public awareness about bullying, prevent and reduce bullying behaviors, identify and provide appropriate interventions for "tweens"--9- to 13-year-olds--and other targeted audiences, and foster links between public health and other partners. To avoid "reinventing the wheel," the campaign plans to disseminate information about successful programs such as Olweus's, which was named a "blueprint" program by the University of Colorado's Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence. "I really am committed to getting the word out on bullying and prevention measures," says Limber who also has consulted with the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration to develop a bullying-prevention and intervention campaign. "I see these efforts as terrific opportunities to help translate what researchers know about bullying into effective prevention strategies."

Signs of Bullying There are ways to detect bullies and determine whether or not your child has had to face them. If you suspect your tween has had a run in with a bully at school, on the bus, in the cafeteria, or even on the ball field, there will be clues in her behavior and appearance, such as:

Withdrawing from her favorite activities Declining interest in school or after school activities Withdrawing from her friends or social circle Wanting to run away Anger (may or may not be directed at you) Stress Volatile emotions Consistently missing the bus Torn clothes, backpack, or other personal items Missing school items, such as books, homework, lunch box, or band instrument Wanting to take protection to school such as a knife or a gun Bruises and/or scrapes Loss of or increase in appetite

If the signals are there, it's time for a talk with your tween. Many tweens will be reluctant and embarrassed to share details of the bullying, and some may even feel they deserve to be bullied. Others will worry that the bullies will increase their torment if they tell on them. Sit down and ask if there have been any problems or bullying issues at school, or if she's encountered someone whose trying to make her life difficult. If the answer is yes, offer up suggestions on how she may handle the bully in question. Sometimes, a simple response such as, "Don't talk to me that way!" or "Stop annoying me!" may be enough to deter the bullies or quiet them down. Role play situations your tween might encounter with possible solutions to stop the abuse. Encourage your tween to keep away from the bully, and to stick with one or two friends when the bully is present. It's also important that your child understand that it's not his fault that he's being bullied. Be sure he knows that he can ask teachers or the bus driver for help, if the behavior continues, and help him find ways to inform adults about bullying, without sounding like he's tattling.

If your child's attempts to end the bullying fail to work, and the bullying continues, it's time to call the school and ask for a meeting with the principal and/or the teacher. Be very clear that you expect the behavior to end, and that you expect a follow up by the school in several weeks to make sure it hasn't returned. As a last resort, ask to meet with the other child's parents, but do so only with the teacher, guidance counselor or principal present.

Introduction
Every child has the right to feel safe at home, at school and in the community (UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, 1990). Bullying is not a normal part of growing up. It doesn't usually go away on its own and often gets worse with time. Bullying needs to be dealt with directly. To stop hurtful behaviour, we all need to respond when it occurs and take steps to prevent it. The first step is recognizing when there is a problem. Here is some information to help you figure out whether a child you know has experienced, seen, heard or taken part in bullying behaviour. This information will also help you take steps to stop the bullying and help the child who is being bullied.

What is bullying?
Bullying is a form of aggression that unfolds within a relationship. The child who bullies uses aggression and control to maintain a position of power over the victimized child. As bullying evolves over time, the power dynamics and inequality in the relationship become stronger. The victimized child gets caught in an abusive relationship. This problem can also happen between groups of children. The basic elements of bullying are: Unequal power: One child has more power than the other child (or at least it seems that way to the children involved) Hurtful actions: Physically or psychologically harmful behaviour takes place (see table page 2) Direct and indirect actions: The behaviour may be face-to-face or behind one's back Repetitive behaviour: The hurtful actions keep happening so the child being hurt finds it more and more difficult to escape

Teasing, rough housing or even play fighting are not considered bullying when both children are having fun.

How many children are involved in bullying others?

Not everyone bullies or is bullied a relatively small number of children are directly involved in bullying incidents. Kindergarten to Grade 8 15% of students reported bullying others at least twice over the school term. 2% of students reported bullying others once a week or more. [2] Boys 14% of boys aged 4 to 11 reported bullying others.
[3]

[1]

Girls 9% of girls aged 4 to 11 reported bullying others.

[4]

How many children are bullied?

Kindergarten to Grade 8 20% of children reported being bullied more than once or twice over a school term. 8% of children were bullied at least once a week. [6] Children were bullied once every 7 minutes on the playground and once every 25 minutes in the classroom. [7] Boys 5% of boys aged 4 to 11 reported being bullied sometimes or very often.
[8] [5]

Girls 7% of girls in the same age group reported being bullied sometimes or very often. Minority groups 27% of elementary school students from minority groups reported being bullied because of their ethnicity. [10]

[9]

What are some of the types of bullying?

Psychological Physical Verbal

[11]

Social

Hitting Kicking Punching Pushing/shoving Stealing

Insults Name-calling Threats Comments about how someone looks or talks Comments about someone's ethnicity (culture, colour or religion) [*]

Gossiping Rumours Ignoring Not including someone in group activities

Results
Can hurt a child's body, damage belongings (clothes, toys, etc) or make a child feel badly about himself or herself. Can make a child feel badly about himself or herself. Can make a child feel alone and not part of the group.

[*]

Ethnoculturally-based bullyingany physical or verbal behaviour used to hurt another person because of his or her ethnicity (culture, colour or religion)

How many children witness bullying?

Not all children are directly involved in bullying incidents, but many get involved in other ways some watch, some encourage the bullying and some try to stop it. 85% of bullying incidents are witnessed by others. [12] Peers try to stop the bullying in 11 to 19% of bullying incidents. in can help even out the power imbalances.

[13]

Someone stepping

When other children intervene more than half the time, the bullying will stop within 10 seconds! Hawkins, Pepler & Craig, 2001 TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN BULLYING
[i] [i]

This advice was compiled from a variety of resources on bullying and is to be taken as guidance on how to deal with most bullying-related problems. For additional guidance, please consult the resources provided at the end of this information sheet.

Adults helping children: Practical advice

The child who comes to you for help may need some reassurance along with practical advice on what to do. You could try some of the following, using your judgement about the particular circumstances. If the child is being bullied, you can suggest: "Stay calm and try not to show you are upset. Try to respond to the person bullying you without anger. Anger can make things worse." "Look the other person in the eye and say you don't like what they are doing." "As soon as you can, find an adult you trust and tell the adult what happened. It is your right to be safe." "If you are afraid to tell an adult on your own, ask a friend to go with you." "Stay close to children you can count on to stick up for you." "Stay away from places where you know bullying happens." "If the bullying continues, walk away, join other children or ask someone else for help." If the child sees someone being bullied, you can suggest: "Speak out and help the person being hurt. Nobody deserves to be bullied. You can help by telling the person who is bullying to stop." "If it is hard for you to speak out against bullying on your own, ask a friend to do it with you." "Comfort the person who was hurt and make it known that what happened was not fair or deserved." "If this does not work right away or if you are afraid to say or do something on your own, find an adult you trust to help you." "Help a child who is bullied by being a friend. Invite that child to participate in your school activities. This will reduce the feeling of being alone."

Some assurances you can give to the child: "Despite how it may seem, it is not a hopeless situation. Something can be done to stop the hurtful behaviour. I will help you." "Remember: if you walk away and get help, you are part of the solution. If you stay and watch, you are part of the problem." "You can help to make your school, sports team or community a better place by taking action against bullying."

Your role: How adults can help

Bullying is not a problem that children can solve themselves. It is a power struggle that is difficult to change without the help of an adult. In most cases, it will require only a few minutes to stop the behaviour, especially if you act immediately and in a consistent manner. If you are there when the bullying occurs, talk with the children who are being aggressive. Explain the hurt they are causing and have them make amends to those who were harmed. This can break the cycle. However, most bullying happens when you are not looking. When you are told about it, take it very seriously since children usually go to adults with these problems as a last resort. In a small number of cases, bullying behaviour is a chronic problem requiring the involvement of families and the assistance of a health professional. If you are a parent, guardian or caregiver Listen and respond to all complaints from your children about bullying, even the seemingly trivial ones such as name-calling. Talk to other adults who were in charge when the bullying occurred to find ways to remedy the hurt and prevent future problems. Stop bullying behaviour that happens at home. Consistency matters! Consider how you treat others and how you allow others to treat you. As a role model, your actions and reactions can influence how children relate to each other. If you are an adult responsible for children (e.g. a teacher or coach) Listen and respond to all complaints from children and parents about bullying, even the seemingly trivial ones such as name-calling. Consistency matters! Be aware of the social interactions among the children in the group. Arrange groupings to separate children who tend to have negative interactions with others. Place children who tend to be left out of groups into one where they will be accepted. Try to avoid situations that will victimize at-risk children (e.g. picking teams or group partners). Consider how you treat others and how you allow others to treat you. As a role model, your actions and reactions can influence how children relate to each other. If you are a leader of an organization responsible for children (e.g. a school principal or manager of a sports team or other children's program) Listen and respond to all complaints from children, parents or adults responsible for children about bullying, even the seemingly trivial ones such as name-calling. Consistency matters!

Support the adults who work directly with children in their constructive approaches to end bullying such as separating disruptive children, increasing supervision in bullying hotspots and placing vulnerable children in positive groups. Create an effective anti-bullying policy in your organization that clearly sets the limits on acceptable behaviour. Include meaningful consequences in the policy to help teach the aggressive children healthier ways of interacting. Allow time for the policy to be reviewed and agreed upon by everyone (including children). Ensure the policy is consistently and universally applied by all involved. Consider how you treat others in the organization and how you allow others to treat you. As a role model, your actions and reactions can influence how children relate to each other.