Kevin Gruetter

Essay 3

Comp 2 Tuesday 4pm

I am a thinker. I organize my thoughts and catalogue them so that, should the need arise, I can access them efficiently to solve the problem at hand. My husband is a ponderer, or one who ponders. I truly believe that all of the thoughts he has ever had are constantly buzzing around his mind. When faced with an issue, he stares at it until two or three these thoughts collide with each other and present themselves as an idea. Often, our differing schools of thought are an advantage to us as a couple. Occasionally, though, they cause our relationship to jump its tracks in a quite dramatic and violent fashion. My husband and I had set out to do some Christmas shopping and to see our nephew meet Santa Claus. As we were driving toward the mall, he began to tell me the story of how he learned that his parents tales of Santa were fictitious. I expressed surprise that his parents had let him believe in Santa at all; being that his father was a minister. What followed was a completely unexpected argument over whether or not the Bible is entirely true. Ive always known Kevin to be more liberal than myself. I grew up in a conservative, rural town. I was blessed to be reared by a family with a strong work ethic and equally strong convictions. What we believe has always been a matter of fact. Of course I had doubts in my own faith, but my family was always there to reaffirm me. Alternatively, Kevins parents taught him by asking questions. He developed his own sense of what was right and wrong, true or false. On this particular morning, I never meant to spark a fight, especially one that wasnt at all relevant to our days purpose. I simply told him that, My parents wanted me and my siblings to understand the real meaning behind Christmas. Though I believe he underst ood my comment as, Your parents are dirty heathens. He was becoming frustrated so I explained

Kevin Gruetter

Essay 3

Comp 2 Tuesday 4pm

further, My parents just didnt want to confuse us as to what is real and what is make believe. His response stunned me. Then, how did they explain Adam and Eve? he asked. Wait. Are you telling me you dont think Adam and Eve were real? Yes. I think thats one of the Bibles allegories, like Noahs ark. I was incredulous. You dont believe in Noahs ark? Do you believe anyth ing in the Bible? With this question I unwittingly confirmed that his family was, in fact, full of heathens. Kevin was seething now. He kept driving, silent. But his silence screamed at me, How dare you! How dare you question my faith? After countless minutes of torturous silence he finally asked me, quietly, how I thought we should raise our own children. That question had allowed us a chance to think of ourselves as a married couple a unit as opposed to two bickering individuals. I was so thankful for whatever collision occurred in his mind to create that question. Arguments are not usually easy for us to end. Like thinking, Kevin and I argue very differently. This biggest difference in our argument is how we use words. In the midst of a fight Kevin will become very quiet. He will refuse to say anything until he has crafted a sterling response. He is very particular about the words he uses. I, too, wish to express myself clearly, but I take an alternate route there. I process my feelings aloud. I refine my opinions by using as many words as possible to talk my way around in a large path that slowly spirals its way to the heart of my feelings. Unfortunately, Kevin feels the full force of every word, even the ones Im only experimenting with. And the longer Kevin takes to form his perfectly sculpted sentence, the more I feel ignored and infuriated.

Kevin Gruetter

Essay 3

Comp 2 Tuesday 4pm

Ive come to understand the power of using specific words or phrases when explaining my emotions or opinions. I once thought that if I said everything that was on my mind, whoever I was talking to would completely understand me. I now realize that without limiting my unnecessary and fringe ideas, my core opinions become lost in the cacophony of my superfluous notions. In other words: simple is clearer. To describe something effectively I must understand what my audience is hearing. Then, and only then, will I be able to design a convincing, and beautifully targeted argument. At which point Kevin will only be silent in agreement.