Name: ________________________ Date: __________ Period: ____________

Revising the In-Class Essay

Step 1 review your notes on commentary. Decide whether or not you wrote a commentary. A commentary is an analysis of the choices an author makes and the effects of those choices. Analysis means to look at the component parts of something. Thus, you study the elements of style present in the passage as they create the meaning within the passage. The meaning in the passage develops from the literary features contained within it. Note: This should be completed by the end of the period. You will need your How to Choose and Use Quotations handout and your essay. Please use YOUR essay for

these activities. If you dont have your essay, then you need to write a detailed description of the effect of each of the handouts lessons listed below.
1. Highlight all of the sentences where you quoted. 2. Strike through any quotes you no longer want to use. 3. Add in quotes where you need them. Using the How to Choose and Use Quotations handout, please complete the following exercises.

1. Lesson: USE

THE LEAST AMOUNT OF A QUOTED PASSAGE YOU CAN TO

SUPPORT YOUR POINT

a. Find a lengthy quoted passage/set of sentences. Remember: only quote the authors words that you plan to analyze. Cross out the rest. Note: dont blend your quotes as in this example (In The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, ) 2. Lesson: USING (USED
VERBS

USING

PHRASES TO

COMPLETE

THE SENTENCE

WITH LITERARY ANALYSIS)

a. Remember blend using the last row only (Using phrases to complete the sentence). Find another (or use the same) set of sentences. Revise it by fixing errors in completing the sentence or by changing verbs to make the sentence stronger.

b. Check the sentence that follows. The sentence that follows must analyze the style contained within the preceding sentence. 3. Lesson: SPECIAL PUNCTUATION/ EDITING QUOTATIONS a. If you have these errors in your paper (ellipses; MLA errors; etc.), write down the error and then the correction or an explanation i.e. the comma goes before the opening parenthesis, not between the parentheses. 4. LESSON: PRACTICE CHOOSING
AND

USING QUOTATIONS (BACK PAGE)

a. Make a small chart like the model that includes the line numbers of your evidence/quotes (you dont have to copy all of the words but it will be more helpful to you if you do). b. Explain in how each piece of evidence connects to your thesis.

Read through the examples below. Compare the structure of the better examples with what you have done. There are many ways to structure sentences and paragraphs, so its okay if yours look different.

Putting the paragraphs together: You may have learned the chunk organization model for paragraphs. If you didnt or dont remember, this is the basic pattern:

1. Topic sentence an assertion that requires proof. a. Not: a sentence that describes or announces something in the text.

i. Ex. NOT: Then, Mr. Kapasi realizes he will not have a relationship with Mrs. Das. b. Better: As his scrawled name and address fall out of her handbag, Mr. Kapasi allows it and fantasized relationship with Mrs. Das to float away, leaving him lonely once again.
c. Both A Temporary Matter and Sexy feature prominent characters who neither understand themselves fully, nor the person they are having a relationship with. d. In addition to the role that food plays in distinguishing Mirandas fantasy relationship with Dev from their actual relationship, the clothing she buys and wears also illustrate her skewed view.

2. Evidence fully blended and followed by a sentence that analyzes the techniques in the quote. Interpretation of Evidence a sentence that connects the evidence to the topic sentences argument. See examples below.
a. Not: Mrs. Croft turned to [her] and glared, then asked her if she [could] play

the piano. (4, 8). This shows that the characters are different.
b. Not: However, Eliot already, tastes the way things must be (Lahiri 63). Family

values are very important to Mrs. Sen, which make her long for India even more and realize how some American aspects on life can be so different.
c. Better: Near the start of their relationship, Dev takes Miranda to the Mapparium where all the countries [seem] close enough to touch and she feels as if she is standing in the center of the world (108109, 90). Symbolically, at this point Miranda sees her world or her relationship with Dev - as insular and isolated from everyone else. d. Better: In her explanation of Shobas morning routine, Lahiri writes that she

[sipped] her third cup of coffee already, in her office downtown, where she searched for typographical errors in textbooks and [marked] them with an

assortment of colored pencils (Lahiri 4 line 9). These details serve as a symbol of the meaningless repetition that the couple runs through every day. The patterns found in Shobas day, her cup[s] of coffee, and endless searche[s] for typographical errors emblemize the conflict between her and Shukumar as they initially focus on the mundane details rather than the more important ones. Then you should make a second claim in each paragraph followed by additional evidence and additional interpretation of that evidence. Finally, transition to the next paragraph. Conclusions these should be where you evaluate the ideas you just presented and link the passage with the text as a whole.

Read this example to see how it all comes together:

Part of a body paragraph:

Allusions to Indian culture in the passage show Lilias ignorance of Indian culture. When Lilia mentions them she never connects them with herself, showing her alienation from that culture. She specifically says that she has been to Calcutta, where her parents were born, but [has] no memory of the trip (Line 46). The fact that she has no memory of it suggests that Lilias cultural exposure has been limited and her lack of a personal connection to India has made it easy for her to adopt the American culture she is exposed to. Lahiri conveys that because Lilia is ignorant of India, and because the American backdrop limits her absorption of Indian culture, it is more difficult to experience culture in foreign countries. Without this common ground of culture with her parents, they dont understand each other as well as they could. Lilia misses cultural aspects that are commonplace to her parents, such as seeing women dressed in saris in everyday life. On the map her father shows her, Lilia thinks India looks like an orange diamond, but she also mentions that her mother tells her that it resembles a woman wearing a sari with her left arm extended.(Lines 41, 42) Lahiri makes the cultural difference between Lilia and her mother apparent through these separate perceptions of the same object. To Lilia it is a diamond, something concrete but ultimately typical and bland, which shows that she has never taken ownership of India. Her mother visualizes the country as a woman, something animated, unpredictable and loveable. This

helps to characterize India in two different ways, as seen through the eyes of the mother and the daughter.

Pattern for all paragraphs use the chart on the subsequent pages & answer the questions using your paper and/or a friends.