Edition 004
Learning Tree
Management Insights
Expert Advice from Today’s Top Professionals
How to Respond to Conflict
Effectively and Achieve a
Lasting Resolution
(in Six Simple Steps!)
Conflict is unavoidable. Unfortunately, conflict
is often frightening as well, so the result is that
many people avoid dealing with it until it reaches
extreme levels. However, if dealt with early on and
properly, a collaborative resolution can be achieved
that is satisfying—and even enhancing—to each of
the parties involved. This is true even for personal
conflicts where it seems almost inevitable that
someone is going to lose, be hurt or both.
Cheryl Eckl
Successfully Engaging Your Audience Using
a Five-Step Targeted Presentation MethodTotalPros, Inc.
A Case Study
Mark is the vice president of sales at a successful
information technology company with an assistant,
Shirley, who has worked for him for several years.
Because Mark is on the road frequently, he has
to explain to Shirley what he wants done before
leaving. However, Shirley still calls Mark on the road
frequently, asking for instructions. Even with those
telephone interventions, Mark finds that he has to
correct Shirley’s work when he returns. Mark wants
to fire Shirley but avoids doing that because she is so
well liked, not only by Mark but also by the rest of the
staff.
While it might seem impossible, a simple six-step
process enabled Mark and Shirley to achieve a
lasting resolution they are both happy with.
This month in Management Insights, personal coach and professional
facilitator Cheryl Eckl provides readers with a recipe for conflict
resolution that, when followed correctly, delivers a positive outcome for
all parties involved.
CALL 1-800-843-8733
OR VISIT www.learningtree.ca
 Learning Tree
Management Insights
Expert Advice from Today’s Top Professionals
Responding to Conflict
Applying the Process
Step 1: Begin with Me. In any conflict situation, both
parties must begin by asking some personal questions: What
am I feeling about this situation? What have I contributed
to the conflict? What do I believe about this situation? You
can begin answering these questions by identifying the
Facts, Patterns and Consequences that are involved. In this
particular case, Mark was frustrated by the recurring pattern
of giving Shirley an assignment, getting calls from her for
directions, and having to provide additional guidance, a
process that also left Shirley upset. The consequences were
poor results, lost productivity for both Mark and Shirley, and
resentment from her co-workers who often had to help out
Shirley.
Step 2: Diagnosing the Problem. Often, even the
parties involved don’t understand why the conflict exists. This
is where it’s important to understand everyone’s Perspectives.
In this case, both Mark and Shirley were frustrated with the
other’s behaviour. Surprisingly, Shirley had great fondness
for Mark and wanted to continue working for him. Therefore,
this conflict is actually about two people with contradictory
work styles, very different comfort zones, and an inability to
communicate their preferences. Mark’s priority was results;
Shirley’s was relationships. What she needed was a job that
included lots of personal interaction. Regardless of what
Mark said about his affection for Shirley, what he wanted
was as little interaction as possible. As is often the case, the
disconnect between stated outcomes and actual interests was
unconscious, making it even more difficult for either party to
change. The diagnosis made it possible for Mark and Shirley to
move on to the next step…
Step 3: Making It Safe to Cooperate. Both parties
involved must give up any interest in revenge or in hurting
the other person. Part of ‘making it safe’ can include having
the parties meet in a safe environment with a neutral referee.
Once Mark understood that Shirley wasn’t being malicious,
he let go of his frustration and stopped blaming her. Shirley
understood she needed a manager who valued her skills, not
a whole new skill set. They both became genuinely interested
in finding Shirley a new position where she could succeed.
The two met in a neutral space (a conference room) with a
facilitator to brainstorm options for a creative solution.
Step 4: Making the Connection. This step enables
all parties to understand how their individual problems are
related and how they share interests. Here we also identify
the Meanings behind actions and emotions. Shirley said she
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wanted to improve her skills so that environment would be
more beneficial to all. However, if Shirley improved her ability
to work proactively without frequent calls to Mark, her daily
interaction with Mark would decrease. In their meeting, Mark
and Shirley made two lists on a whiteboard that expressed what
each of them would prefer in a supervisor/assistant relationship
and looked for shared interests. The top interest they shared
was a desire to work with someone who had a similar working
style. With this information, they were ready to move on to
resolving the issue.
Step 5: You Say You Want a Resolution. Once all
the parties understand their shared interests, they can generate
options to help each other achieve those interests. Along with
the critical element of Rewards, the Priorities, Outcomes and
Interests of each individual must be acknowledged. In this
case, Mark and Shirley generated options to help each other
achieve those interests. The option that worked out for them
turned out to be a receptionist/assistant position opening in
the HR department. This position would give Shirley the human
interaction she wanted and excelled at. Mark now knew what
skills and temperament were paramount for his assistant and
could provide HR with a better description of what he needed
for Shirley’s replacement. Now all that was left to do was…
Step 6: Formalize the Agreement. In the final step,
all parties participate in creating a contract that describes any
further action items, their roles and responsibilities, the terms
of success, and the consequences for nonperformance. This
contract should include follow-up procedures should conflicts
arise again.
Finalizing the agreement was easy for Mark and Shirley: Mark
was able to thank Shirley for her hard work and offered a
letter of recommendation that would help her in any future
job search. They agreed that their subsequent interactions
would be friendlier (Mark), more professional (Shirley) and that
they both could help each other understand the perspective
of co-workers with different working styles. They could even
congratulate each other on doing what few people are willing
to do: Work through a conflict situation to find common ground
and achieve a satisfying resolution for both of them.
About the Author
Cheryl Eckl is a facilitator, speaker and personal coach. Her company,
TotalPros, Inc., works with individuals and teams to achieve creative
solutions for both interpersonal and business problems. She is author of
Learning Tree’s course 904, “Responding to Conflict” and coauthor of
course 244, “Assertiveness Skills.” totalpros@msn.com
CALL 1-800-843-8733
OR VISIT www.learningtree.ca