For my parents and friends who have gave me the endurance to do what I love.

Thank
you.
When you live forever, what do you live for?

-Twilight by Stephine Meyer

I don’t know how I could have gotten along without music.
Music, it heals, helps, and continues to aggravate fear until it goes away.
Something us humans can’t do. It says words we don’t have the guts to say, or something
we thought we didn’t know about. You find your true self in music. Your expressions,
attitude, goals, it’s who you are. Not what you are. Something a lot of people get
confused about.
I know how I have lived without love.
Love, it’s hard, complicated and tough. Don’t waste your time, or you’ll only regret it in
the end. Romeo and Juliet for instance.
Romeo was in love with two beautiful women in their own way. Romeo and
everything about him fascinated Juliet. His face, his smell, even how he spoke made her
melt. When they do finally declare their love for each other, they kill themselves. I didn’t
want to turn out that way. Pathetic.
Depression; a feeling of anxiety about a troubled thought or action.
This is me.
Depression caused by love. He left me. I wanted him badly, and what do you
know? Then he walked out on me leaving me in the cold streets. Helpless and alone,
without a clue where to turn. My mother? Nope. Music? Maybe.
Music about what though? Everything was about love. I couldn’t listen to it
anymore. It just struck the memory in my head about him and how he hurt me badly.
I decided to endure.
 It was a rare
sunny day in Burkwood, Canada.
The sky was blue, without a puffy cloud in sight. It seemed wrong.
The trees filled with green leaves rustled through the warm wind, the bluebirds sang, and
you heard kids yelling in the backyard. The sounds of summer. It has begun.
Not that summer was a bad thing; I just wasn’t up for ‘fun in the sun’ right now.
My blue days have gotten worse, this kind of day reminded me of Mitchell.
He and I would sit on a bench in the local park, waiting for the ice cream man to
sing past us. We watched some of the white clouds float across the sky and pick out
shapes like bunny rabbits, or bears. Mushy stuff like that.
Happiness, something that has gone in the back of my mind.
I remembered it all clearly. Happiness was something that felt good. Nice. Like,
something you’ve never felt before although you have. It hits you telling you to “go on,
have fun.” Then knocks you down before you least expect it.
Sadness, something that my mind was focusing on now.
Sadness is something that is hard to ignore. Like a little kid tugging on your shirt saying
your name. You try to ignore it but it keeps on pulling at you saying, “it’s okay, be sad.
It’s just an emotion.” Then kills you when you least notice.
A knock at my door startled me. I covered myself with the blanket trying to block
out the taps on my doors. Taps. I should play that at my funeral when I die.
“Elizabeth?” My mother asked coming in. Come on in mom.
“What can I do for you?” I muttered. Julia was overly sensitive about my depression,
making me uncomfortable.
“Elizabeth. Its noon. You’ve been sleeping all day. Get some sunshine.” She
opened the blinds a tad bit more. I mumbled, for the light burned my eyes.
“Yeah, yeah.” I grunted getting up.
Even the coma of corruption to myself changed my attitude. It took over me. Hiding my
true identity like a mask.
“Don’t be so eager to say good morning.” She growled.
I gawked at her. Was she serious?
 “Good morning mom.” I snapped. What’s gotten into her? What’s gotten into
me? My life sucks.
“Aspen called. Told you to call her back. She seemed hurried, I suggest you call her
now.” Julia frowned. I repeated.
Aspen was very impatient. It was just killing me to know what she wanted.
Probably the latest news on which trend is in this summer. Ew, girly-girl stuff.
I slumped down stairs still focusing on the blinding light coming through every
crack it could. Mocking me probably.
I reached for the phone over a bunch of dishes. Gross, what a pigsty.
Dialing Aspen’s number I couldn’t help but realize a paper informing Julia about a
depression facility. I rolled my eyes; I’ll deal with that later.
“Hello?” Said a peppy voice.
“Hey, what did you want?” I asked in a muggy voice. My self-conscious level went down
the other fifty percent when I heard Aspen. She was carefree, pretty, spoiled, and nice. I
officially have no pride in myself.
“You just now woke up? It’s like, past noon!”
“I’ve slept in longer.”
“Well, anyways guess what I just got?” She asked suddenly excited. I braced
myself.
“No, tell me.”
“Tickets to the Unidentified concert at the coliseum!” She screeched.
My mouth dropped. This could not be happening. My content level went up half a point.
“No….” I smiled. “Really?”
She laughed. “Really.”
And with that confirmed I was forcefully excited.
Unidentified was my favorite band, there sound is amazing. That’s the music I loved.
True music. It was like country but pop. They talk about the real things in life. Not just
love.
Not to mention, David Stay was amazingly…. wonderful.
“Am I invited?” I questioned eyeing the paper that was about to ruin my life on the
counter.
“Um, no I decided you’re not my best friend anymore.” She teased.
“Okay cool.” I laughed.
“So, later today we’re going shopping. I need clothes anyway. I’m getting fatter
by the second.” Aspen sighed funny.
“Shut up.” I mumbled.
Aspen and fat didn’t even belong in the same sentence. It was bothering me to hear her
say that. What was I? Humungous?
“Oh magnificent, high school reunion here we come.” I moaned.
Aspen giggled. I frowned. Why was she laughing?
“Your so negative.” She snickered.
This is true. Although the reunion thing is also. I hated my senior class. Not, personally
just everything that had happened in the awful 12th grade. Too many memories swarmed
in my head making me dizzy.
“Asp, I’ll call you later I um…. I have to talk to mom about something…” I
moaned.
 That paper was mocking me.
“Okay, call just before nine or I will.”
I nodded.
“Alright see ya.”
I picked up the document after clicking the phone line and ran up the stairs. While
leaning on the bathroom door I stared at Julia.
“So, Depression huh?” I coughed.
Mom turned around with a shocked expression on her face. Then she glanced at the
dissertation in my hands.
“You saw that huh?” She asked turning to clean the toilet.
“Why do you think that?” I questioned.
She sighed with anger.
“You mope around all day. You never laugh or cry for that matter. Your lifeless.” She
replied.
I scowled.
“I’m not.”
“Then what are you?” She challenged.
My lips narrowed about ready to explode with hate.
“I’m angry.” I glowered.
She became silent and raised her eyebrows.
“Deal with it.” Was all she said and walked away.

_______________________________________________________________________
After my little spat with Julia I left the house and decided to go with Aspen. I’ll face the
immature kids.
When I got there I put my Blue CRV in park and slammed the door.
It was now raining in Burkwood.
Rain was beautiful. I didn’t understand why people hated it so much. It’s one of
the closest things we have to God. It’s a symbol of cleanliness. Why would anybody hate
that?
Aspen’s house is new. Its color was tan with white shutters around the glass
windows. It also was a two story.
I lived in a 1987 blue, two story, with faded paint and old windows that almost
could pass for plastic.
Her mom, (Andrea) answered the door.
“Oh, hello Willow. Come in, come in.” She beamed with love. Something my mother did
not know about.
“Hey Mrs. Hamilton. Thanks.” I smiled walking in.
The living room was open with candles lit up making the house smell like lavender.
There actually was carpet. It felt good on my cold, soaked toes.
I looked over at Andrea. Her eyes were brown, her black hair with swept scores
her face neatly, and her skin was pale.
“Where’s Aspen?” I asked.
She smiled generously. “In her room.” She laughed pointing up the stairs.
I heard her music. “Bring me to life” by Evanescence was blasting.
“Oh,” I grinned. “So I hear.”
 I knocked on her door making sure she wasn’t undressed or anything.
“Come in!” She yelled turning down her music.
“You ready?” I asked raising my brows.
“Oh yeah hold on.” She lifted a finger rubbishing through a bunch of clothes on her floor.
I glanced around her room. Of course it was a mess.
“Okay, let’s go.” She said walking out the door.
“People who come here are so fake.” I muttered as we drove into the mall parking lot.
Aspen laughed. “So, we’re fake?”
“No, I mean the people who come here every single day.”
I spotted some of the preps walking together in a pack. Just the way I left them a
month ago.
Tan, sporty, Abercrombie, size two blonds hand in hand with their jock-strap
boyfriends. Sickening. It looks like they haven’t eaten in days.
I frowned as we walked into the huge building crawling with teenagers. I
couldn’t help but notice there was also strong PDA in the corner by the bathrooms.
“Get a room.” I complained walking in the opposite direction. Then I did a
double take and my heart smashed into a million pieces.
Mitchell.
“Elizabeth?” Aspen asked. I stood motionless watching them. I felt nauseas.
“Oh…” Asp mumbled. “Mitchell, GET A ROOM!” She yelled walking away and
taking my hand.
He turned away from the red head.
I just glowered at him, pondering of how he enjoyed that. How could he just…walk
away? Because of him I was angry. Because of him I spend every day thinking to myself,
“Am I that stupid?” I am dieing inside because of Mitchell, and I didn’t like to see him
with that girl. It hurt…horribly.
He stared back probably taking the revenge in. Although he has no revenge or
right to. This was my time to be angry. Not his.
I walked away without another word.
“How could he just stare at you and not say anything?” Aspen mumbled looking through
the clothes rack in “The Buckle”. I frowned.
“I don’t know.”
She studied me. “Why didn’t you just…. yell at him right then and there?” She asked.
I shrugged looking away as I sat on a chair.
She shook her head and continued to search.
Meanwhile, I thought of the summer of ‘07’.
***
The night was dark with a dim glow of a midnight campfire. You could hear the popping
of the sparks flying in the air. The faint aroma of mosquito spray filled the atmosphere.
We sat on plastic chairs staring at the stars. They were translucent against the black sky. I
leaned my head against his chest looking in his warm brown eyes.
“What are you thinking about?” I asked.
He smiled the smile that made me drop over dead and chuckled. “How someone so
perfect made such a beautiful sky….” He stopped and looked at me. “And such a
gorgeous girl.”
I blushed beat red.
“I think your being biased.” I giggled. He took my face in his hands.
“Biased? No. I think I’m telling the truth.”
Then I couldn’t breath. I closed my eyes and kissed his full lips.
His hands were soft and felt good against my cheek. I sighed. The night was too
perfect.
“Do you know how much I love you?” He questioned looking down at me.
I ducked my head. “Nope. But, I know how much I love you.” I grinned.
“How much?” He laughed taking me into his arm. I considered.
“About….” I let go of him and spread my arms out as far as they could go. “This much.”
I snickered. He smiled.
“No, I’m just teasing. If, I dropped a tear in the ocean, I would try to find it but I
couldn’t because it’s impossible.”
A confused look crossed his face in the silent light from the fire.
“In other words….” I smirked. “My love for you is impossible. There’s no end.”
He laughed.
“I love you more than there are stars in space.”
There was silence. “Wow. That much huh?” I asked.
“Yes. That much.”
Again, awkward stillness while gazing into each other’s eyes. Did he really love
me? I asked looking back.
“I should probably leave now.” He exhaled.
I frowned. “Fine.” I said getting up.
He kissed me forehead. “Goodnight.” He whispered against my head.
I smiled while shutting my eyes.
“Goodnight.” I repeated kissing him tenderly once more going on my tippy toes.
Endurance kept me going from after that night. He left the day after that, meeting me at a
coffee house and telling me goodbye. I cried many tears that night and couldn’t blame
him. Maybe I was too clingy. Too self-fish. I always wanted him in my sight. Then I
realized after years of struggling that was because my mom and dad didn’t have a good
relationship and I wanted to be sure he was faithful. To this day I still do not know why
he left me.
Endurance. I keep trying.
I didn’t mean to be ugly to my mom today so I decided to apologize.
I walked into our dirty, old house and took off my chucks. I could hear the
sizzling of the pans in the kitchen so that’s where I headed. She stood there flipping an
omelet.
“Hey, mom I’m sorry for acting that way this afternoon.” I whimpered. She
smiled while grabbing the salt. I watched her as she twisted the handle.
“It’s fine. But, dang your anger…when you get mad your like some vampire
prepared to eat me.” She laughed turning the stove down a notch. I giggled.
“I wish I was.” I grinned. She gave me a confused look. I wish I hadn’t said that.
The reason why that had slipped out was because in fairy tales things go awful, and then
the princess ends up with prince charming. I was the mythical creature.
The one who had always fought for what they wanted but never got it in the end.
I was the vampire and Mitchell was my prey.
“Never mind.” I smiled walking away.
Flipping the switch my eyes swarmed around my room. It was really neat and everything
was in order. I’ve had a lot of free time on my hands. My bed was brown with a white
wood headboard. There were pictures of Aspen and I on my bedside table and a folded
picture of my grandma and I on Thanksgiving under the book that read “literature 101”.
My schoolbook.
I tripped over my backpack that was out in the middle. I had forgotten to put it
away. Something I normally don’t do. In my life, every T was crossed and every I was
dotted. Every CD was in alphabetic order depending on the artist and every wrinkle in my
sheet was ironed. There was nothing else to do so…why not? I mean, that wasn’t me two
years ago but I’ve learned a lot about my self from the breakup. Things I usually
wouldn’t see.