Birth Order: How It Affects Your Life

Presented by

Annette Pairsh, CFS Educator Purdue Extension Service, Delaware County 200 W. Main St., Room 202, Muncie, IN 47304 765-747-7732 apairsh@purdue.edu
Developed by

Cindy Hartman, CFS/4-H Youth Development Educator Fayette County Extension Office 401 Central Ave., Connersville, IN 47331
765-825-8502 hartmacm@purdue.edu

Which of the following traits fit you best? Remember you may not totally fit in the, category but which letter fits you best? A. Perfectionist, reliable, conscientious, list-maker, well organized, hard-driving, natural leader, critical, serious, scholarly, logical, doesnt like surprises, loves computers. B. Mediator, compromising, diplomatic, avoids conflict, independent, loyal to peers, many friends, a maverick, secretive, unspoiled. C. Manipulative, charming, blames others, attention seeker, tenacious, people person, natural salesperson, precocious, engaging, affectionate, and loves surprises. D. Little adult by age 7, very thorough; deliberate; high achiever; self-motivated; fearful; cautious; voracious reader; black and white thinker; uses very," "extremely, or exactly a lot; cant bear to fail; has very high expectations for self; more comfortable with people who are older or younger. What letter did you pick? If you picked A you are probably the oldest; B chances are that you are the middle (second born of three children, or possibly third born of four). If C seemed to relate best to who you are, its likely that you are the baby of the family. D describes the only child and why they are different than the first born children. Its important to remember that this is not an exact science many things can affect birth order traits, like: Spacing between sibs Sex of each child in what sequence males and females are born Physical differences or disabilities Birth order position of parents first-born parents tend to run a much different ship than later born Blended families certain birth orders often get stepped on Relationship between parents and the parenting style they use as they pass on their personal values Sibling death which, if occur early, can cause the child below to be bumped up to the next level Adoption may or may not have an effect it depends on how old the child is when adopted.

THE FIRST-BORN CHILD CHARACTERISTICS

Perfectionist, achiever, conscientious, loyal, well organized, reliable, goal-oriented, list-maker, self-sacrificing, critical, conservative, scholarly, believer in authority, serious, self-reliant, peoplepleaser, supporter of law and order, and legalistic.

TIPS FOR THE FIRST-BORN

Take smaller bites of life, work on saying NO, avoid always demanding perfection, dont apologize for asking questions, develop a sense of humor, and never apologize for being organized. Tend to be critical, self-centered, inner rebellion or resentment, often lonely, often feel inferior, very structured, and same words as describes first-borns, only preceded by the word super.

ONLY CHILD CHARACTERISTICS

Tend to be critical, self-centered, inner rebellion or resentment, often lonely, often feel inferior , very structured, and same words are used that describe first- born, only preceded by the word super.

TIPS FOR THE ONLY CHILD

Dont over-commit, plan time for yourself, OK to get along with those either much older or younger than you, and avoid being self-centered.

MIDDLE-CHILD CHARACTERISTICS
Mediator, avoids conflict, extremely loyal to peer group, has many friends, misunderstood, balanced, gives and takes, and may be opposite of the first born.

TIPS FOR THE MIDDLE BORN

Use your natural people-oriented skills, if you are a free spirit use it, people enjoy listeners, dont play comparison games, and you can be an excellent leader.

CHARACTERISTICS OF THE LAST-BORN

Outgoing, absentminded, carefree, affectionate, rebellious, temperamental, spoiled, impatient, charming and personable manipulators.

TIPS FOR THE LAST-BORN

Accept responsibility, pick up after yourself, beware of being too independent, use your gifts wisely, share the limelight, and first-borns may be most the compatible mates

BIRTH ORDER AND MARRIAGES

Whats Best & Whats Not For a happy marriage, find someone as opposite from your birth order as possible First-borns who marry first-borns power struggle First-borns who marry middle children have the best track record for a lasting marriage First-born and baby of the family good match; also, opposites attract Middle plus middle may not communicate well Middle and baby good track record Last born and last born could have chaos; money problems because nobody is being
accountable for paying the bills; who will do the other stuff?

Remember: Marriages are made, not born.

Resource: The Birth Order Book Why You Are the Way You Are by Dr. Kevin Leman, 2004