Tina Au

Overcoming Racism

People dont do not want to be discriminated against just because of the color of their skin. In the songs Changes by 2pac and Hard Knock Life by Jayz, both show the common theme that stereotypinge does not necessarily define a person, also both songs talk about racism. One song talks about changing racism and one talks about experiencing racism.

Comment [MC1]: Dont use contractions when youre writing an essay; always use the full extended words.

Comment [MC2]: You dont need the also both songs talk about racism. Its awkward to try and put this in your paragraph when it is already implied in your first sentence.

People can achieve what they want no matter who they are. For Eexample, in the song Changes by 2pac, the singer 2pac states: Lets change the way we eat, lets change the way we live. They can have the same life as what others have. Black people can become doctors or lawyers or teachers and have the same successful life as others do. None of them deserves to live on the streets and also get bullied by others. Inin the song Hard Knock Life by Jayz by JayZ, it also talks about the similarity about 2pacs song but JayZhe states,: Now i'ma be on top whether I perform or not . No matter what JayZhe does in life, he could be successful and he could be on the top of everyone for instance, the president, even though he is black. Also you can chase out your dreams no matter what kind of race you are. Even if you experience racism, your situation may be different. When 2pac said in his song: Its time for us as a people to start making changes ,. Itsit is when he finally said he had enough and wants to do something about it. Maybe trying treating others friendlier also not fighting back in a more friendly way instead of fighting back. When it is about time somebody stands up and says something to this society. Jayz talkeds about his experiences and how he feltels and what he has gone through when he said: Dont know how to sleep, I gotta eat, stay on my toes. Gotta a lot of beef, so logically, I prey on my foes. He cant sleep atll night, andwith no food to eat and lots of fights and conflict with others, and basically having the hardest time in life. Also, he has many enemies and never a stable love one.

Comment [MC3]: You should never quote an entire quotation. Quote key words from the quotation that help prove the point you are trying to make. I cant fix this quotation for you, since I dont know what you are trying to quote exactly. Comment [MC4]: Ambiguouswhos they? Comment [MC5]: Ambiguouswhore others? Comment [MC6]: This is an opinion. Back up your opinion with facts. Comment [MC7]: What does this mean ._. I dont understandlol Comment [MC8]: Ambiguous. Comment [MC9]: The amount of pronouns in this sentence is too damn high! Rule to remember: if you included a persons name at the beginning of the sentence, you can use pronouns to substitute that name for the rest of the sentence. If you start a new sentence, you must state the persons name again. You cannot transfer pronouns from one sentence to another, or else that gets confusing. Comment [MC10]: Who said this? Is this an opinion or fact? Where is the evidence? Comment [MC11]: Fragment of a sentence. Consider revising. Comment [MC12]: This sentence has a jumble of different tenses. Either stick with one tense (past, present, future), or quote the lyrics in a different way.

No one wants to be left out and following all the stereotypes because everyone is the same ion the inside even though theyreir just a different color on the outside. In the two songs Changes by 2pac by 2pac and Hard Knock Life by Jayz by JayZ, here it shows that both show the common theme that stereotypinge does not necessarily define a person and people should be treated the same way as others do. Also bBoth

songs also talk about racism;, one talks about changing racism and one talks about experiencing racism. I now sincerely believe the education system has failed us alllol. These are some of the things you need to work on: When you quote, dont quote the entire sentence. I mentioned this in the comments above. Also, the quotation marks should only be around the title of the book/song/title/whatever. Th e authors name cannot be in the quotations; that is improper quoting. Learn to properly use commas and semicolons. They can make or break an essay depending on how you use them. You use the word also a LOT. Word overuse is bad, because it restricts your essay by not allowing for diverse bridging of sentences and ideas. If youre stuck on connecting sentences using connecting words, use a thesaurus. Improper use of pronouns and ambiguation. Ambiguity means your meaning is vague and unclear. Your essay was pockmarked with ambiguity; mainly from the improper use of pronouns. Read the comments I made about pronouns and you should be finefor now. Also, Im not going to help you write a third paragraph because frankly, I have no idea what you are saying in your essay lol. Furthermore, it is 5:30am right now and I am tired as fuq.
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