emotional

As Unconditional As It Gets!
Healthy Cells magazine is pleased to present another in a series of feature articles on the subject of Grief Recovery. The articles are written by Russell P. Friedman, Executive Director, and John W. James, Founder, of The Grief Recovery Institute. Russell and John are co-authors of When Children Grieve: For Adults to Help Children Deal with Death, Divorce, Pet Loss, Moving, and Other Losses (Harper Collins, June 2001) and The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program For Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses (Harper Perrenial, 1998). The articles combine educational information with answers to commonly asked questions.

ost of our articles have referred to the death of a human being or to divorce or other estrangements. This month we are focusing on the death of a pet, an experience that most of us have had at one time or another There is much talk in todays world about unconditional love. It would be wonderful if human beings were capable of such a thing. The sad truth is that we fall short of the mark. While unconditional love is probably impossible, it is a wonderful goal and we should continue to strive for it.
Page 8 Healthy Cells Magazine Bloomington July 2013

In reality, the closest thing to unconditional love we ever perceive is probably that which we sense from our pets. Even then, there are a few conditions. After we have fed them and their other basic needs have been met, animals are unconditional. We have yet to hear that someones dog, cat, parakeet, or hamster judged them or criticized them or called them stupid. What we do know is that people share their most intimate secrets with their pets. We also know that people express their truest and deepest emotions to their pets, often much more so than they ever

express them to friends or family. We know how incredibly important pets can be to people. We know millions of people who, unable to have children, have been able to experience some of the wonderful and natural parental type feelings for their pets. We know an awful lot about how attached people become to their pets. More importantly, we know how devastating the death of a pet can be. We know how grieving pet owners are often abused by well-meaning friends who say insensitive things. The purpose of this column is to help grieving pet owners complete their relationship to the pain caused by the death of their pet, and to assist friends of grievers with more helpful and supportive information about recovery from one of lifes most significant losses. We are all familiar with the expression that starts withI was unhappy about having no shoes until I met a man who had no feet... While well-intentioned, that parable sets up one of the most massive pieces of misinformation in our society. It teaches us to compare our feelings in order to minimize them. And, followed to its logical conclusion, there can only be one grieverthe one with the most horrible list of losses. Grieving pet owners, met with the constant line, It was only a pet, are set up to compare their feelings to those they may have had when a parent or grandparent died. And if that is not enough, they are then told to go out and get another one to replace the loss. No one would be insensitive enough to tell you to go out and get another one if your mother died, would they? On the other hand, when a baby dies, the parents are often told, Dont feel bad. Youre young; you can have other children. Our human responses to death are normal and natural. Since we have been taught to hide or mask our natural reactions to

As a friend of someone who has recently experienced the death of a pet, please remember that their heart is broken. All grief is experienced at 100%.
loss, we often feel that there is something wrong with us when we experience intense feelings. The death of a pet often produces incredibly powerful emotions. The emotions attached to the loss are normal, but societys treatment of the grieving pet owner is not normal. We must strive to normalize that which is normal. Otherwise, we continue to drive grievers feelings underground, buried for fear of being considered weak. As a friend of someone who has recently experienced the death of a pet, please remember that their heart is broken. All grief is experienced at 100 percent. There are no half-grievers. Do not try to minimize their pain. For more information, visit www.griefrecoverymethod.com.

Our work doesnt stop when you go home.

There is No Need to go to Chicago for Complex Arthroscopic Sports Medicine Surgeries
When it comes to taking care of your family, OSF HealthCare has been there. When your family needs help in their home, let OSF Home Care Services continue that care. Keep your loved ones safe and comfortable with: home health, including rehabilitation therapy, wound care and disease management hospice home medical equipment, including CPAP, oxygen, walkers, hospital beds & much more personal response systems diabetes supplies home infusion pharmacy Call us at 800-673-5288 or visit osfhomecare.org.

Cartilage Restoration Meniscal and Cartilage Transplantation Arthroscopic Rotator Cuff Repair and Stabilization

Specialist in Arthroscopic Surgery

www.drjosephnorris.com

Dr. Joseph Norris

2502 East Empire, Bloomington (309) 663-6461

July 2013 Bloomington Healthy Cells Magazine Page 9