The Voices of Appalachians in Exile

An e-chap book of poems from the road

Copyright 2013 by W. H Hartsock-all rights reserved

November Rain Remembered

The gray day rain glistens on the back tar roof tops The crows are due any minute-on their way to the rail yards at Hopple Street There they glean spilled grain from the ground-leaked from the rail cars Black rail cars from the mid-west to destinations unknown I planted that grand golden ear long ago-by hand I pulled that corn and loaded it onto a homemade sled box with Blackgum runners made by my Great Uncles-by hand I fed that corn to a pair of ancient mules who pulled that sled box To the corn crib-by hand But that was long ago-now I sit in a cubicle, in a tall building, looking out an office window Upon a gray day of November rain remembered

True Crime Confessions #1: How I Murdered My Culture

It was not on a dark and stormy night, but was it was a might misty I did not use a black leather gloved hand and a smoking revolver I guess it just happened, it was not premeditated I covered my heart and quit smiling at strangers I became distrustful of anyone showing eye contact I learned to be cautious about opening doors for women I keep my mouth shut now, never again to reveal the last vestiges of Elizabethan tongue, the voice of Chaucer, so quaint and telling Yes, I buried those tell-tale dipthongs on that fog swirled Appalachian ridge Where I first shot a squirrel over my fiest dog I quit playing those old ballads and fiddle tunes my great uncles taught me And I quit writing New ones, and trying to share them My mountain dialect got in the way, so I buried it all All the songs I ever wrote, all the guitar licks, placing them in a Prince Albert tin tobacco boxAnd I laid them all in the ground By the light of a new moon, so they would not work loose and come back To the surface like black locust fence postes, Yes I buried it all in the southwestern corner of a giant gray city block In a tiny park littered with used condoms, needles, and wine bottles in Brown twisted paper bags, yes, I buried it all Underneath a Catalpa tree Then I ashamedly stole away Back down the glistening wet streets, Glaringly garish in high pressure Sodium orange glow Back into anonymity. Closer to the source, no words needed now Smack dab into the middle of a smoky modal A minor 13th chord with a groove to gnaw at your soul

Oxycontin Jazz Piece Theme/melody- You are disabled-certified-take the pain meds 2x a day, 60mg each time-for breakthrough pain take the Percocet, I wont insist you get cut on again (surgery) Hey, Im a doctor and I have to take pain meds for my back too Expansion- Poor people often sell their pain meds (he had heard my Appalachian accent, a foreign horn riff articulation to his ear) Your right hand fingernails are exceedingly long, do you belong to some kind of cult? Pull your pants up (you slouch)there is an oxycontin pipeline from here to Eastern Kentucky-you live down in Kentucky dont you? The good Dr. then turns to my wife and says, What do you do? Do you work? Im taking no new patients (She had not come as a patient, but merely as a curious listener, incredulous to my tale of astonishment about the good Dr.s music) Modulation- If you continue to take pain meds, youll have to seek another doctor, said the good Dr. I did-the good Dr. denied he had said this-both the good Dr. and the new doctor razzed me from the bandstand.

Transcribing solos-I transcribed all notes, quotes, statements played by the good Dr.-sent this music score to State Medical Board-their riff backHe broke no laws he had adhered to the rules of proper harmony-false cadences okay, no tri-tones, parallel fifths, avoided Major 7th chords, no suspensionsCoda- The microphones have been turned off-instruments put away I hear now the good Dr. doesnt prescribe pain meds anymore His specialty-Degree son lives in the basement playing video Games all day-and the good Dr. He stands at the WALL wailing-braying: tied his ass to a parking meter in front of the Wall Street Stock Market When he came back, it was gone. Duke Ellington said, Jazz is the music full of surprises

The Sojourner in Exile No curriculum vitae, no fellowships-no academic impetus for putting it down On a page-just trying to mark the way with crumbs, flotsam/jetsamA trail-a trial The exile-born on the cusp of a passing trajectory in time when Mules, black gum runner-ed sleds-squirrel dumplings-sassafras tea and Digging post holes with the signs of the moon, meant something To live by

Now, a papaw, 2 chestnuts, 1 buckeye, 3 spice bush seeds and one still unripe persimmon Sit on the October window sill-a glass jar filters the light-it is filled with whiskey and ginseng Roots: to brace the man-the spirit-his will to go forward. Talismans to guard the journeyScrounged by pluck, luck, serendipity-heartfelt longing for the center of all Trying to keep his feet in a strange land-feeling out of place-out of timeHe harmonizes the old ballads with the recipe of jazz. Sacrilege? Imp-razz-imsomething old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.

Imp-razz-im : impressionistic, jazzy, prismatic.the sojourners music.

Legacy Last tobacco patch in Dickenson County, Virginia Thirteen months a year-bed pull peg water pinch hoe sucker top cut spear hang cure grade tie SaljanSmell of sweat: mule and man-gee haw gitup whoa-directions for man and beast Mark the arc of man and golden sun Blue sky-soft breeze-hands/hooves in earth-rite-arc zenith Then John Deere Green-new shiny efficient Oracle of the Dead @ Acheron Consult the machine-smoke and mirror Broken part-six weeks all the way from West Germany-arc nadir Now-remanence-remnant: free-stone dirt in a vial Kept in battered guitar case-the wayward gypsy will never be Homeless

For Wendell Berry-November 10, 2012

1. Saljan-Goth-to offer, sacrifice 2. Oracle of the Dead-at River Acheron in Greece-site of necromancy via priests, with a mechanical device to lower one into the underworld to consult dead below

Cultural autism Autism-a developmental disorder characterized variously by impaired social interaction, difficulties in communication problems, with seeing and hearing, repetitive behavior, etc. -Websters New World College Dictionary-fourth edition

Caught in a cultural centrifuge-spun to the periphery Maelstrom-flotsam-jetsam-fiefdom-pool of Siloam you are sent Never speak. Never reveal. People fear you may blackguard them.

Warm, winsome, child-like, trusting-dont scooch too close. Be careful. Autism. And, just like the autistic, only communicate with that typewriter-

1. Pool of Siloam-NT- Jesus made poultice of spit/dust-rubbed upon eyes of blind man- Now go to the pool of Siloam and wash your eyes-you shall see again-Siloam means sent. 2. Blackguard-from Scottish Blackwatch guards? Would verbalize their sexual desires to rural women, whom they felt were beneath their social stature-hence, to blackguard, a verb. Rare usage I have heard only in Scott County, Virginia-similar less threatening device used in South America-reepopo-a veiled, sly come-on to a woman in public.

Maudlin House October orange. Not a watermelon. Was hoping for a watermelon. Seed broadcast-deracination Youre visiting the neighbors-the steely dan Girls-you wanted to show them your New black leather faux riding boots-slowly into new rooms you enter-looking at Their rehab of the old house- rendezvous renovation

I sit in the adjacent old house-dying rays of autumn borne away on dust motes in a pack-rat room of ephemera-(saving seed) Tenderly stroking a big blonde archetype-archtop guitar-she purrs Softly like a panther-her case lies on the floor by my pallet-sublimation My spine. Sleep on the floor again-the irony of escape from the web of Coal-into the twisted tangled vines of urban-urbane toil-bad roof top can fall anywhere(Emasculation) In another room-my son-exploring new wilderness of affluence-burning (The daughters.Where now?) -expatriation Desire for things-Izod, BMW 325-I,Apple I-pod, big screen LED Tight-mouhted like an uncertain tree-dog. All of us not speaking where the Feelings lie-like the treed squirrel prize, darting into the black hole in the maple tree Fooling the dog again-dog, uncertain of the new game rules-ratiocination

When the moon comes up, Ill steal away down to the cellar and practice My alchemy-with plaintive mountain dialect incantations, I Fill pint mason jars with a single grain of corn-and tears Hoping the Fulll Moon will complete this transubstantiation at Mauldin house.

Your Fresh Cowpie of a Stereotype

Pardon me, but it seems I have stepped into your Fresh cowpie of a stereotype, with my southern hill accent, You expect me to have an IQ of 84, live with my cousin in Common-law marriage, have violent fits of rage, Drive a truck, drink moonshine liquor, eat possum, And own many gunshick, hillbilly, redneck

Pardon me, but it seems I have stepped into your Fresh cowpie of a stereotype, with my fondness for fried squirrel, By my saying, Yes sir, yes mam, thank you and please

I am not Forrest Gump, no, I dont enjoy wildly assaulting city boys out on canoe trips,

I enjoy arranging for jazz guitar, drinking Pepsi, reading Sufi Inayat Khan, Writing poetry about my life and experiences, and in between all this, I try to find time to understand How and why you feel so smug about my stepping into your fresh cowpie of a stereotype

Uncle Tom Finches Prayer of Thanks Render Unto God Glory be to God for spiders webs, for when broken , they signal the presence of the law upon the west cove trail Praise His minion, the Red-tailed hawk, for her cry warns of the approach of helicopter above hill terrain Praise Him for corn and secret seed and green plants springing forth in the woods garden For they bring forth the coin to render unto Caesar what is Caesars

Grant me absolution Bro. G.M. Hopkins-

Uncle Tom Finch Opines My nephew. A genu-wine little sissy-fuss. He can load a sled real Even with field stone-and build a purty good cairn in the Corner of the pasture-hes a bonafide little worker-gottat learn Life is more than them thar books he packs around-and at times he is so quite Well sir, Im a teachin him some-how to skin a squirrel without getting har all tover the meat, Cut match sticks with a .22 short off hand Grabblin them old hatchery trout, how to roll a good PA cigarette By hecky! Hes even agrowin a beard like mine-mines down to my belt buckle-took me 59 years, Hawk at seven smooth at eleven

And it came to pass on the second Sabbath after the first, He went through the cornfields And His disciples plucked the ears of corn, and did eat them, rubbing them in their hands. Luke 6:1

De Imitatione Christi A Vandermeer with a van dyke sneer? No. A Picasso with angular torso? No. A lost Bach chaccone with mathematical elan? No. A communal collective sonnet signed by a Wm. Shakespeare? No. Uncle Tom Finch offered only what he knows-a thing wrought of sinew and bone and blood soaked stone, of feather and antler, borne of woman and infused with Gods own, Uncle Tom offered his soul It was old Uncle Tom Finch himself. That irascible rascal, ragged rapscallion He took some homemade tools-flint, stone, deer bone, glass. He dowsed the purtiest paleo-Indian artifact youd ever did see-sunk it in a trout stream under a waterfall 3 times It was taken before a panel of 7 experts in paleontology, Indian petrography, all-it was subjected to Tests: chemical, geologic, spectography, x-ray, mineral age , light and acoustic analysis It was unanimous-it was certified to be a real museum piece The unwitting local clandestine artifact broker collected his undisclosed fee-gave a little pinch to Uncle Tom FinchUncle Tom gave a good part of his share to the local homeless shelter-(some there too have Indian lineage) The leavins? Uncle Tom bought himself a box of .22 short cartridges, 1 box of Eagle Claw fishhooks, a handful of Happy Jack Dog Wormer pills and a plug of Brown Mule chewing tobacco-(it all fit in one pocket) By hecky, says Uncle Tom Finch, Charity begins at home. The paleoanthropic is introduced to the philanthropic.

Nostalgia is Not Like it Used to Be Used to be a boy would learn to shoot squirrels with a .22 rifle He learned woodscraft, naming all the trees, how to be stealthy in the woods, How to skin a squirrel and fry it up golden brown-he could even learn how to Tie trout flies from squirrel tail hair, on those long cold winter nights It taught him the brevity of all life and the sacredness of taking ownership In the death of your food

Nowadays he sits in a dark room with the big green- glowing LED screen, Eating take-out pizza Zapping bad guys with a video game: a military-grade x-box 360-(pentagon issued edition)

Uncle Tom Finch Visits the Big City Everywhere he looked there are all these signs: stop-look before crossing-dont walk Detour-buy American-drink Pepsi-Have you driven a Ford lately? Not wanting to seem too provincial, he decided to take the advice of one sign and Try his hand in the game-Just Do It-so he did He wrote his word on the vanity mirror in the mens room-it said PRAY Not satisfied, he wanted to make it clear, so he wrote down a second word on the vanity mirror BRAY

For Fr. Bob Rademacher

The Muse-ic Kettling sparrows Physics-metaphysics Language/words-music Psychology-religion Folklore-science Monphasic-polyphasic Rationcination-reason-scientific deduction-reduction-hiearchy

Quiet..listena sidereal scale omnipresent HARMONIZE

Genetic Engineering According to Uncle Tom Finch

I got this professor friend who lives out in Indiana He claims he knows a scientist who secretly works for the government in Bio-engineering-at a secret lab Claims this guy is actually taking the best genes of two plants and Is splicing them into one new original plant

He is actually splicing the genes of cannabis and kudzu Last I heard he was getting close to a viable plant Eradicate that, Harry Anslinger and you DEA guys Could be dangerous though-why, just look at that mean-ass strain of African Honey bees and docile European honey bees

(Uncle Tom pipes up) Course its like crossin squirrel dogs-you can get a mighty fine tree dog thata way-cuts out the bad traits and doubles up on the good-uns

God help us all if the same thing ever happens with that dangerous branch Of Moslems ifn they ever get together with that thar Green Movement

Magic Magic-any mysterious ,seemingly inexplicable, or extraordinary power or quality -Websters New World College Dictionary 4th edition Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders- Belief in magic/magical thinking-pathological Disposition to psychological disorder relative to personality aspect Hmmmm..me and old Carl Jung. How about you?

Gathering Hickory Nuts Scientific knowledge propogates Progeny recapitulates phylogeny A hickory nut dont fall far from the tree And to paraphrase Moores Law, them hickory nuts double in Numbers about every two years

Quoting Gilbert Murray, Richard Chase, storyteller has said:

We are under the power of the enemy-he who always puts the letter before the spirit-cheapness and triviality before beauty-It is he who makes things only in order to sell them; who has forgotten that there is such a thing as truth and measures the world by advertisement or by profit; who daily defiles the beauty that surrounds him and makes vulgar the tragedythe smart, the clever, the counterfeiter of spiritual values-he is all about us, and worse, he has wormed his way inside so many of uspersecuting our peace, spoiling our insight, confusing our highest values

( Art and creation come first-to create is to imitate the creation of all-listen to Mozart-write backwards and forwards simultaneously-open up the right side of the brain and shush the critical left brain-sing nonsense-stomp in puddles-pet old dogs and just listen!)

I am the strawman Molded-mottled cloth-like. Not an empty argument to point toward Stuffed with hay and straw-a thing void of viable genetic Material-standing ankle-deep in effluvium, effigy of Epicurean delight-disposable diapers, tv dinner containers, phones, VHS tapes, cd-jewel cases, Soda cans, income

I stand on the surface of the moon-a scarecrow One eye a patch of plaid-the other a large 4-hole button I look toward the blue planet-in soft focusMy heart sending out an SOS to the cosmosTrying to recall what Wendell Berry, Thomas Berry, Thomas Merton had saidTrying to remember the taste of a Wild blackberry upon my tongue On a summer day all awash in green- gold Light from the Daystar-suffused by-beneath Hemlock By the stony creek where the Little ancient trout once swam

Today I buried
Today I buried a squirrel dog. He was an old black fella who was blind and lame and had gone deafhe had been a pup treeing squirrels and chasing cats all over the south woodsbut he died in a big cityand was buried under an interstate bridge24 hour rumbling of trucks and city noiseno more barking at the tree with wagging tail and excited spiritno squirrels to hunt and eat hereno more licking my face

and handsno more sitting at my feet, your old gray face on my foot, as I banged on an old guitarmay your irascible spirit go back to that sweet niche in the cosmos from whence you first came you sired many tree dog pupsnow, your grave is under a homeless mans firepitwhere that crucible will fire your bones into the purest of spiritbut you were already of that purityblessed and honored alwaysuntil I hold you againlittle black squirrel dog

Remembering a Barn It was just an old barn, all gray and musty in the sun Owls lived in the hayloft; there I spent long summer days Fighting bumblebees with a tobacco stick Theres the giant barrel, 2/3rd in the ground, under the rain guttering Where the big frogs lived and grunted at night

The smell of mules and old harness leather A thousand mice have chewed the feed stalls And a million green weed days were passed there in solitude But so fleeting like the pale blue chicory that grew by the gate

Now, it is recalled in memory Joyous recall; music and photographs can say it best And a sweet companion to work with whose vision Also is to recall that same barn cobwebs and dusty old barns

THE BLIND GUITAR MAN He shot out his own eyes for love Pistol muzzle, 180 degree angle, then the darkness And every Saturday afternoon he had on his Sunday best There with his guitar, harmonica in its rack, on the street In downtown Norton, Virginia

And you could smell the popcorn in the Five and Dime As he stood there and played his Greek tragedy People walking past, close to his space; strophe shuffle They never wanted to look a blind man in the face Or acknowledge his tin cup wired to the guitar headstock Still, he played, dotted rhythms on the harmonica melody Breaks clean and clear after the verses

And uncle jerked me back, Come on now son, he dont have Pencils or such to sell.

The blind guitar man now, last verse, carrying the light Further into the darkness, sensing children at his feet

Kaleidoscope, cacophony, calliope on the wind Ive heard them tell that down in Mississippi They used to take a needle and puncture the eyes Of a Mockingbird, then cage it; he sure would sing Beautiful,

I know its true, cause I saw one on the street In downtown Norton, Virginia

-for blind Charlie the guitar man

Middle ground In the middle of Ohio in the middle of the road In the middle of the year in the middle of life Logical fact? Feeling in the middle of exile

Sitting here staring out upon the last green of summerGolden rod September reminds me of that red-haired girl from long ago She had that impish smile and the dark brown eyes; a rare combination Yes, I have spent my life looking for such varieties-a crusade, a holy grail, a talisman To give me hopea sort of roadmap

Staring down a snaky two-lane blacktop gray with age road I see mercurial black pools-mirages on a hot day with Mild blue sky boiling as a backdrop Uncertain path for a traveler, a questor, a sojourner A crusader. So, why this place?

Need to re-gather strength and energy of purposeI go looking for Buddha but I dont see him on the road anywhere Just toothless old bluesmen singing with slurred syllables in stone hot agony Spirits crying out in darknesscontrasted with blue-sky day and golden rod It is not the destination but the journey here in middle ground

Sept 27, 2001

Millennium
SPOKEN: Singer of dreams, tell us what you see!
God has made of one blood all nations of people Red, yellow, black and white Oh, many faces, many nations Chorus: And you shall see, see the millennium And you shall see, see the millennium See all the Alpha males, drunk on testosterone Leave us! Ego and aggression Oh! Many voices many nations Chorus: And you shall see, see the millennium And you shall see, see the millennium Spoken bridge: Military industrial reservations must go Nor more hidden agendas, secret fears One species though many faces Listen to the rhythm of the Earth It is the heartbeat of your Mother It is the heartbeat of your Mother AhAhAh,,,, Awaken all creatures, bear witness to the age Ocean, mountains, and deserts Oh! Many voices, many nations Chorus: And you shall see, see the millennium And you shall see, see the millennium AhAhAhAh Repeat chorus: AhAhAhAhash-a-may-oo-maynever lienever fear

Subliminal advertising

It is slowly emerging, frame by frame, visualization A time-sequenced Rorschach blotterSubliminal advertising-tell us when you can identify the shape Milliseconds go by

In a certain span inside this total timeframe, The majority recognize the object, then, you Back off of this timeframe a couple of millisecondsBleed it into a commercial and quickly cut the images, Just before they become apparent-subliminal advertising Clouds in constant movementshapes in the air

He knows the way home: 1967

Burrhead boy doddling on his way to school The route wrought with adventures Cold winter day and a ragged coat New plastic shoes that are blocks of ice and cut the heels bloody But they still slide good on the frozen puddles Nothing important but the sensation of motion On the snow-iced and packed; a sort of running of the gauntlet In the school yard

Theyre all gone now, as the maple-seed helicopters flutter to the ground No more laughter-no more smells of USDA giveaway Peas cooking in the little kitchen-lunch on a 4-compartment Pressed paper tray* ten cents all you can eat plus a milk

The bookmobile that used to come-bright powder blue with a Face like a friendly cartoon character sits rusting Amid goldenrod

Friday afternoons in the second grade-tinker toys and Lincoln logs After spelling-so much climax in the excitement before Going home-he knows the way home Burrhead boy with a ragged coat and new plastic shoes Oct 24, 1997

Testing the Osmotic Permeability of the Egoic Membrane Abstract Objectives-we shall test the viability of penetration, within and without; the osmotic permeability of the Egoic membrane Experimental procedure-utilizing an array of scientific instruments, we shall test the inner and outer surface structure viability of the Egoic membrane Aspects to be observed-hardness of Egoic membrane -visual acuity-image sharpness/contrast -Egoic membrane lens curvature -permeability of the Egoic membrane via light Scientific instruments to be utilized-Rockwell Hardness test device-determines hardness of material to be penetrated- Must be calibrated within acceptable limits of hardness deviations from the mean values. -Spherometer-measures lens curvature in optics-must be calibrated within acceptable limits of optical deviations from the mean values -Wedge prism-utilized to refract light-Calibration procedure-set up target of convenient width(w)-sight it through prism, then move prism forward or backward at right angle to the target until one side of the refracted portion of the target precisely coincides with the other side of the (target), unrefracted portion. Measure the (d) distance from the center of the prism to the face of the target. Observations-penetration of a pure white light through the Egoic membrane produces curious results when viewed through the prism-notice how the light is refracted into different color values of the spectrum-within these rays, there are observed nodes or points-if the focal length is extended, the overall image comes into visual acuity-pointilistic images emerge-are they within the acceptable limits of optical deviations from the mean value? The hardness of the inner and outer surfaces of the Egoic membrane appears soft in some places, hard in others-osmotic permeability depends upon the angle of light striking the surface of the membrane, a semi-existent barrier-a multi-verse dimension. Occultation Considerations-corpus callosum equilibrium-collective consciousness-Omega Point-spiritus mundi-multiplane spiral-spiritoso-double helix-Kensho-satori-daigotettei-annuttara-samyak-sambodhi And Grandpa gently whispered, in halting tones, Be kind to the mule. Keep him moving. Look down sometimes. Keep the plow deep. Sight to the end of the row to see your goal.

Confidential Dossier APB Alert-to all Big Cheese, LEO, FBI, CIA, Homeland Insecurity, Civic Sanitary Depts., Church OfficersBOLO-Surveillance is ongoing on this perp. Do not approach as he could contaminate you. Has concealed undesirable cheese bacterial culture in him-proceed with caution Threat level is *eco-green-loco* subject could contaminate our current homogenous cheese culture. Has successfully contaminated young cheese batches in the past. His fermentation process is counter to national cheese security. Subject- eccentric old cheese at the end of the suburban block. He is a little cheese nearing his expiration date. Motivated by feelings- muses on pain, music, mirth and grace. Ephemera addicted packrat; a rubble/rabble rouser- His vocational fermentation trajectory is included belowCurriculum vitae- a roads scholar-began as a retrophile hillside farm boy. Was haberdashery clerk, spike driver, gandy dancer, street corner musician, facilitator of mirth and mischief-taught K-12 through college level: subjects taught-music and cheese Social cheese fermentation-from picket lines and fences to housing projects. Labor activism-educationmusic: issues focus rural, urban, global, cosmic, inner and outer dimensions. Issues have included farmland preservation, rural education-has openly, directly, publicly questioned various colleges trustees on their schools verified South African apartheid stock investments, college trustee coal industry board appointments, etc. Wayfarer-fancies himself as being upon path of mystery, enchantment, pain/sorrow, serendi-pity, grace, mirth- cultural disorganizer, holistic taxonomist Current psychological profile-raccoon-like curiosity, crow-like gathering, gleaning tendencies- makes wind chimes from junk ( listenthey intone-implore, heal us..heal her-hoards stores of old books and music records found in trash- periods of hypergraphia, hyper-musica. Has catatonic episodes; just stops and listens at inappropriate times and places sudden outbursts of mirth-a dowser of optimism-known consortations with mules, suspected of bestializing small animals ( he eats squirrel brains, groundhog livers, rabbit thighs) compulsions-secretly plants paw-paw seeds on public parklands Style of music-unorthodox amalgamation-IMPRAZZim-mixture of jazz and impressionism, Appalachian archaic melodies, prismatic permutations=old musical polyglot Quote- while in a break-from-reality episode, he uttered the following- We strive to find ourselves. You are being created, mirror that-, just breath in and out the rhythm and harmony; without and within. Listendid you hear what the wren said? The melody is hers-She just tweeted/twittered me: Be here now, be here now, oh, be here now Threat Assessment- Has been known to smuggle discarded vinyl music records and paw-paw seeds through airport security, successfully thwarting z-ray detection equipment-his stinky odor is readily identified-known consortations with Mad Farmer of Port Royal

CORPORATE DOWNSIZE
And brother went down to Mexico where they butchered her in a sex change operation And she wants you to send her four hundred dollars air fare so she can get back home So you re still looking for family love, oh, but the gas tank is still half full But you worry you have no ethnic distinction, white middle class extinction Capital gains and the interest rate, and Jo-Nelles missed her period again Cant afford to replace the old car, cant afford not to drive Keep the emergency kit close at hand, dont forget to pack extra underwear There are some things that can even get through to suburbia Chain-link fence-security guard-high-tech-surveillance cameras Strip mall convenience, have your credit card handy 30-days same as cash, no credit check, no payment till March And when you need personal finance management counseling, Call Will Dunn, P.C. expert in personal bankruptcy The call is free, so what are you waiting for? You can always keep your country club membership and go play a few Holes of golf when you need a break from the craziness Pristine lush greenness will lull away your anxieties the corporation is my shepherd I shall direly want It maketh me lie down with strange bed partners The mutual funds and stock options shall surely comfort me Peace of mind and profit shall accompany me all the days Of my lifeon that lush green golf course Ease your fears from thinking about that middle management purge As you slowly see in your minds eye pin-striped, wing-tipped

Sacrificial lambs being slaughtered: all those wooly-bloody little lambies bleating, Bleating, bleating for extensions on health care for their children who have had to leave private schools and take part-time jobs selling plastic shoes to locals down at the mall on Saturday afternoons Winter 1994-the city brother

And when you are gone

And when you are gone.I think of you three-staring back with your smiles in a picture frame The nights are long and still as the stars turn and the seasons change The time we have is so short-L.G., I love how you caught the inch worm and sacrificed him Gently for fish bait-H.-how I told you not to get wet, but you managed to go swimming anyway- N.-how you asked for green onions with our cornbread and beans for supper And when you are goneI think about your laughter-the neon orange-aqua sunfish you held so tenderly in your hands-your solemn whispersthe quietness of this tiny one-room-when youre gone-And I hold a handful of old photographs at your birthholidayswe no longer live together-you live in a separate place- what is fair and loving is not always law And when youre gone-I see how much youve grown and hear about your new projects over the phone Ill see you again soonbut soon. Youll marry and move away and have little ones of your own-and Ill miss holding you and wrestling with you all three in the warm green grass of an early May day long agoa Sundaya postage stamp sketch forever frozen in time of a bigger landscape called your lifeand I think of such things when youre gone Speaking from exile-May 7, 2000