wnnng ways seres ()

SPEECH & LANGUAGE THERAPY IN PRACTICE SPRING 2004 +(

He has half the deed done,
Who has made a beginning.
Horace
I never make any secret of
the fact that I believe my
work to be vocational and
spiritual. That is not to say
that religion usually comes
into coaching unless it is specifically part of the
work that my client wants to do. No, the spiritual
element of the coaching is just the acknowledge-
ment that we are all made up of mind, body and
spirit, and that each of these elements is hugely
important and simply cannot be ignored.
However, many people believe that we are get-
ting into slightly boggy ground when the spiritu-
al dimension is mentioned, and are inclined to
leave all that stuff to mystics, and off-the-wall
incense burning, tree-hugging wackos.
But close your eyes for a moment and ponder
the following scenarios:
1. The person who is your immediate superior
calls you into his or her office. They tell you that
your work is outstanding and that your profes-
sionalism and efficiency are an example to all.
What is your reaction? How do you feel? What
emotions are around for you?
2. Now - imagine that you are on top of a high hill
or mountain, that you have spent most of the
morning climbing. It is a glorious day, the sun is
shining, the sky is blue, and the temperature is
perfect. You sit down to rest and gaze around,
when suddenly and unexpectedly an eagle soars
beside you, unaware of your presence.
Now, can you describe the difference between
these two experiences? I would argue that the
first gives you mind and possibly body pleasure. It
is ego driven, however, and the mood change was
brought about by anothers opinion. The second
is experienced at a spiritual level, and conse-
quently touches us in a completely different way.
The first experience was earned, whereas the second
was given freely by nature and is available to all.
I start in this way because the main thrust of this
column is balance and, as you can see from figure
1, a life out of balance is an uncomfortable
experience, no matter how good some elements
of it are.
Symbiotic relationship
When I was approached to write for this maga-
zine my experience with the world of speech and
language therapy was limited but, within days of
agreeing to do it, I was asked to take on a deaf
lady as a client. Serendipity! Jean had some chal-
lenges in her life relating to confidence. I have no
signing skills at all but I do know about confi-
dence building so I wasnt going to let a little
thing like ignorance get in my way. Also, there is
a statistic going around that says only seven per
cent of communication depends on words so I
thought I would have a go. Another element of
coaching is the sure knowledge that both coach
and coachee are helping each other and that the
relationship is entirely symbiotic.
Enjoying
the ride
you
have aready broken New Year resoutons
ee mnd, body and sprt are out o
baance
have a tendency to procrastnate
Read ths
As the wheel of life
goes round, its easy to
lose our balance. Life
coach Jo Middlemiss
encourages us to find
ways of getting things
back on an even keel.
Jean arrived from Glasgow with some trepida-
tion. She spoke incredibly well thanks to her own
determination and she taught me how to speak
to her in a relaxed yet focussed way. We also used
a flip chart for illustration and word clarification.
I had to set up the room differently, use signs and
actions and pay even closer attention to my client
than usual. However the story was really no dif-
ferent to many I had worked with. Dealing with
others insensitivity was the presenting problem
but the real issue was that my client was looking
outside herself for solutions. She wanted to
develop skills leading to a new and interesting job
but the work would involve speaking in public
and she carried with her the memory of being
laughed at in school, and one or two insensitive
teachers who had treated her as though she was
stupid.
In her adult life she was a successful wife and
mother not to mention a gifted sportswoman at
both riding and tennis. She did not rate these
talents as successes because they came fairly easily
to her. The coaching work was to take the confi-
dence she experiences when she feels powerfully
in charge of a horse and transfer that confidence
to speaking in public. She imagined each session
as a hurdle to be leapt over. Another challenge,
which faced her was that she was by nature a fun
loving and gregarious person. She imagined that
it was her deafness that got in the way of her
expressing her natural instincts. Jean accepts that
nothing can be done about her deafness but the
coaching has been useful in as much as she has
been able to address her attitude to herself and
other people. When she decided to put fear to
one side and actually ask people to slow down or
to say something again she was amazed to find
that they welcomed her interruptions and altered
their behaviours accordingly. Her fear of being
thought stupid made her critical and judgemental
of them. The truth was something very much
simpler.
Jennifer is a part time speech and language
therapist. She is a member of a newly created
out-reach team. She is a portfolio worker with
other part-time jobs plus time consuming family
commitments. Skilful balancing of all these
aspects of her life was Jennifers main challenge.
After filling in the Wheel of Life diagram (figure
1) Jennifer was able to pinpoint the areas of her
life that she needed to smooth out in order for
her to be as effective a speech and language ther-
apist as she wanted to be. Use of time and space
SPEECH & LANGUAGE THERAPY IN PRACTICE SPRING 2004 +
wnnng ways seres ()
plus developing good relationships with her new
colleagues was Jennifers main concern.
One of the seemingly innocuous questions in my
first session form is: What unfinished jobs and
unused items do you have using up your energy
and space? Initially this had not been Jennifers
focus but when she realised that she could hardly
get into her study to get going on her plans and
make her decisions, she decided that she would
like to tackle that first.
Calm and productive
She was honest enough to acknowledge that
although she was always busy she was also a bit of
a procrastinator. Procrastinators are rarely lazy
people; they are just people who do not differen-
tiate between urgent and important. They tend
to do the jobs as they come at them so life tends
to be like driving through a snowstorm with inef-
ficient wipers. Its exciting and absorbing but you
never seem to be getting anywhere. There was so
much stuff in Jennifers office that she was con-
tinuously searching for and stepping over things.
So, somewhere that she would like to have as a
calm and productive place had become a place
she just wanted to close the door on.
I asked her to imagine her room with absolutely
nothing in it. How does that feel? Fantastic?
Jo: Is it in decorative order that appeals to you?
Jen: Yes.
Jo: Now, in your imagination, start putting
things back in the order you need and want
them...
Now followed a process of replacing only essen-
tial items. Computer table and computer, desk,
comfortable chair, bookcase and only half the
books from the bookcase.
Once Jennifer had a mental picture of a clear
and peaceful space to work she felt motivated to
clear that space and to get the work done that
she had been putting off. Unnecessary piles of
paper and unread articles were discarded, books
taken to a central base where they could be used
by others, and borrowed equipment returned.
Once she had a plan and had committed herself
to the job nothing could hold her back. The spin
off was that clutter in other parts of the house
was tackled also. Her children were enlisted to
help and her mood lightened when she realised
how oppressive all the excess stuff was. The sense
of satisfaction and success in this area encouraged
Jennifer to start tackling other areas of her life.
There was a good outcome for me too as I reor-
ganised all my books after my session with
Jennifer.
Balance is important, and we all seek it. But
why? Firstly, balance is not a static state. You
know that the minute you try to stay still on a
bicycle you will probably fall off. No, we need
constant small adjustments and corrections to stay
on the bike and on the path. Out of balance is
that awful feeling that one is being driven by cir-
cumstances. When I see hearty people riding a
tandem it gives me the collywobbles - I wouldnt
want someone else riding my bike!
When you feel as if you have no choices in any
situation - know that the bike is beginning to
wobble. When you hear yourself saying things
like I cant.....I have to.... I need to......That wont
work because she would never... - know then
that your ego, gremlin, lower self, call it what you
will, has taken over the steering of your life.
FEAR is its usual guise but, when your awareness
notices, then its time to stop, think and look for
options and to call on that part of you which is
not hindered by past failures, fears or limiting
beliefs.
That is where your spiritual self comes in and
gets you back into balance. No one can do that
for you, and no one makes it happen. There are
always choices, because there is always more than
one way to look at anything and there is always a
choice of attitude. And after everything else
there is a call to action. What am I willing to do to
change this situation and what am I willing to
stop doing to make this situation better? So let
this year be about solutions rather than resolu-
tions and then, rather than desperately worrying
about punctures or falling off, you will enjoy the
ride.
Jo Middlemiss is a qualified Life Coach with a back-
ground in education and relationship counselling,
tel. 01356 648329, www.dreamzwork.co.uk.
Reference
Whitworth, L., Kimsey-House, H. & Sandahl, P.
(1998) Co-Active Coaching: New Skills for
Coaching People Toward Success in Work and Life.
Davies-Black Publishing.
Would you like to:
Identify and achieve your dreams
Unlock your potential
Confront difficult decisions
Shake off restrictive behaviours
and limiting beliefs
Gain and maintain mental and
spiritual balance
Be aware of and use your talent?
Our series Winning Ways with
Personal Life Coach Jo Middlemiss
aims to help you find out how you
can be better at what you do, and
better at being you.
To gather material to make the
issues - and their potential solutions
- as realistic and relevant as possible
for readers, Jo offers readers a
confidential and complimentary
half-hour telephone coaching
session (for the cost only of your
call). Although Winning Ways will
be based on what is raised in the
calls, you can be reassured that
details will be altered so that it will
not be possible to identify individuals.
CALL JO ON 01356 648329
(www.dreamzwork.co.uk).
Do l recognse and ace up
to my ears'
Do l know where l coud
reease energy and space'
Do l see what l need to
start - and what l need to
stop - dong'
Reectons
Figure 1 (see, for example, Whitworth et al, 1998)
Physical Environment Career
Money Fun and
recreation
Health Personal
growth
Friends and family
Significant other/
Romance
The eight sections represent balance.
The centre is 0, the outer edge is 10.
Rate your level of satisfaction with each section, then draw
a new outer edge (example below).
How bumpy is your Wheel of Life now?