Parents attachment in childhood

It is almost impossible to count how many times we hear a child scream or cry when left with a care giver, at school, or even when a stranger looks at them in the supermarket. And although we notice these things, we don't usually connect them with being unnatural or unnecessary. But in fact, we should. There is hardly a need to experience such things, and that goes for the child as well as the parent. It is a given that a child will cry, it is also given that the child will be reluctant to leave the parent. What was childhood for? Two broad theoretical positions have emerged on this question. One argues that childhood is a characteristic of human evolution designed to ensure the survival and development of the species. The other suggests that the state of childhood or how childhood is viewed is significant in itself as an indicator of the evolution or development of societies and cultures toward notions of civility or modernity. The former, which encompasses the biosocial and evolutionary approaches, argues that childhood, as a stage of growth and development, has evolved in human society to provide the conditions for optimizing the prospects of maturity. In particular, this perspective has suggested that the distinctively rapid growth of the brain and the immaturity of dentition and digestive tracts characteristic of the early stages of human life have evolved over time to sustain human society. Such a view is consistent with an essentialist or universal view of childhood (that prioritizes biology over environment in explaining childhood) but has also recognized that social conditions and ecology play a part in constructing the social and cultural response to childhood. Somewhat related to bio-social theories, the perspective of evolutionary psychology came to regard childhood as directly linked to the evolution of what has been called a psychology of PARENTING. This theory suggests that certain universal characteristics of infants and young children, such as relatively large heads and eyes in small bodies, act to trigger instinctive emotions and responses in adults, thus securing development toward maturity. Parental attitudes toward their children have a strong impact on their developing sense of self and selfesteem, with parental warmth and support being key factors (Richards, Gitelson, Petersen, & Hartig, 1991). Often, parents send subtle messages regarding gender and what is acceptable for each gender messages which are internalized by the developing child (Arliss, 1991). Sex role stereotypes are well established in early childhood. Messages about what is appropriate based on gender are so strong, that

even when children are exposed to different attitudes and experiences, they will revert to stereotyped choices (Haslett, Geis, & Carter, 1992). Most of us, the male parents, go through life comfortably, without being conscious of the innumerable tasks our spouses are involved in, raising our children and taking care of their households. Many of us men are still dwelling in the privileges and legacy of our male-dominated cultural norms and practices. If we seriously observe and account the daily tasks and responsibilities of mothers, they are many and varied, as compared with those of fathers, when it comes to the unparalleled obligations and challenges of raising decent children. Recent research indicated that married women with young children work more hours, ranging from 14 to 16 hours per day, than married men who work not more than 6 to 8 hours a day. Women play the role of mothers, spouses, and workers (or farmers). Mothers are involved in many tasks of the household such as raising the children, meeting the demands of their spouses, and, nowadays, they have even become the bread-winners in single-family households. Men think that a fathers role is only that of a provider and consequently struggle with the role of fathering, particularly in a father-to-daughter relationship. They do not even instruct their sons about being fathers let alone instruct their daughters to be mothers. Every father of us, unfortunately, has to find his own way, or from members of our community, in being a good parent in order to effectively collaborate with his spouse in raising their children. The extent to which a father can give to his child, very much depends on what he can receive from his relationship with his spouse. In fact, we all have to take the time to teach ourselves or learn from our spouses to be real fathers, especially the fathers of our daughters. It is a constant state of learning for the fathers and has become involved with the spouses in the interpersonal responsibilities at home. Mothers have a special place in their childrens lives because of the bondage that starts from pregnancy and develops through childhood, youth, and adolescence. A mothers involvement with her children is unique and different because there is a strong emotional and social bonding occurring in between. Bonding with children comes only with a day-to-day unconditional love and care of the family. We need to recognize the inextricable strong link that exists between the mothers and the welfare of the whole family including the father and children. Everything is well if the mother is well in the household. A Jewish proverb says, God could not be everywhere and therefore He made mothers. The words of this venerable proverb have strong emphasis on the important role mothers play in raising their children and taking care of their spouses. Likewise, the Italian proverb says, Dietro un uomo di successo ce sempre una grande donna di successo. For SIGMUND FREUD (18561939) and psychotherapists who have followed Freud, such as Alice Miller, childhood was of key significance in the adjustment of the individual to mature well-being. Freud

developed his theories of the sub-conscious partly through considering the reasons early childhood memory becomes lost. Since childhood was regarded as the key stage in the successful, or unsuccessful, development of ego, psychological well-being in adult life hinged on this period of time and healing might be effected through the recall of repressed childhood experience. Achieving a balance between these dimensions of parental behavior seems to be the ideal, yet it is difficult to accomplish. The emphasis on emotional bonds between husband and wife set the modern family off from its predecessors (Stone 1977). The modern family is expected to be emotionally self-sufficient. Other relatives become peripheral, while the bonds among nuclear family members grow more intense and emotional (Burgess and Locke 1953; Dizard and Gadlin 1990). The modern nuclear family was shaped by three sentiments: romantic love between spouses rather than marriage arranged for reasons of property and social status; maternal love, or the idea that women have a maternal instinct and a need to care for young children; and domesticity, or the belief that relationships within the family are always more binding than are those outside it (Elkind 1992).The belief that childparent attachment plays an important role in social development occupies center stage in most contemporary theories of childhood socialization. The origins of this belief are easily traceable to Freud's emphasis on the significance of infant-mother attachment for virtually all aspects of subsequent personality development. Achieving a balance between these dimensions of parental behavior seems to be the ideal, yet it is difficult to accomplish.

Priyanku Narayan

Baruah.Lecturer,Deptt. Of Political

Science

R.D college,

Digboi.Assam

8822797237,E-mail:alwayspriyanku@gmail.com