Inside my Room I was born with a cleft-lip pallet.

My mom had me operated when I was still an infant so now, one can only see the scar left by the operation. When I was younger, most children my age would tease me because my nose is not the same as theirsone hole is bigger than the other. This was the result of the operation I've had. I can fairly speak well but I don't look normal if one is going to base it on the usual human face anatomy. As I grow up, I begin to question how God created me and why He created me the way I am. There was a time when I would watch movies and be envious of girls and ladies having perfect and beautiful faces. I still remember the time when I came home from school and right then went straight to my bedroom to cry because my classmates will not stop teasing me. Then I told myself that I am going to study hard and be an achiever so that no one can ever make fun of me again. I did achieve a lot of accomplishments and awards during grade school, high school, and even, college. But no matter how hard I try to ignore it, the feelings of bitterness and insecurity will not go away. Sometimes, I would envy even my closest girl friends whenever I see them being liked by someone while I am being ignored. Then I met people my age when I was in my fourth year college. They were joyful and worried-free. It is as if everything in their lives were perfect. One of these people then invited me to his so-called cell group in the campus. At first, it was very awkward being surrounded by people who meet and pray together and who are just happy praising God. I did not actually want to get involved in their activities but because it was a friend who invited me therein, I was not able to get away even if I wanted to. Eventually, this friend started inviting me to the center where services are being held every Friday for the youth. I was hesitant at first but then I decided to give it a shot. The preaching of the pastor then was all about Jesus being the vine and his disciples as the branches. I really did not know what happened but the story just moved me in a different way. When it was time to sing a worship song again, the pastor asked us to stand up, close our eyes and bow down our heads. Then he started praying a prayer that was beyond the traditional prayers Ive heard before. The prayer was spontaneous and it was not the memorized version of a litany. He then invited us to think for a moment if we have a real relationship with God. I started to realize that even if I knew the word God for a long time, I really hadnt had a real relationship with Him. I was totally clueless of who God was for the past 20 years of my life. It was like knowing a person by name but not really knowing who that person is in a more personal level. That was the night I prayed a sincere prayer of confession and the same night I asked God for forgiveness. I decided to finally surrender my life to Jesus. But it was not all so simple. The feelings of bitterness, envy, jealousy, anxiety, and bad habits did not just disappear. Every day, I struggle to fight the many battles of my life: issues, character, temptations, etc. Fortunately, God moved to transform me little by littlechipping off the attitudes that hinder me from becoming the person He wanted me to be. Until today, I

consider that particular event to be the most blessed day of my life. That was the day of my freedombeing dead to myself and alive in Christ. It was the most lifechanging experience Ive had because today, I cannot imagine myself not being Christian. Indeed, Jesus died for me when I was still a sinner and I will be forever grateful for that gift. I did not deserve it but God extended His mercy to me. In fact, I realized, He was with me even if I was not yet saved. He was with me during the darkest moments of my childhood when I was being laughed and mocked at because of my not-so-normal appearance. He was with me when I came home from school, locking myself in my room and crying endlessly like theres no tomorrow. He was with me when I decided I will be good in school. He is my vine and I cannot live without Him. Sometimes, there are people whom we meet in life and cause big scars in our being. These people would make us believe that beauty is all about outward appearance. These people who had caused me great pain during my childhood years are still etched in my mind but Ive learned that forgiveness heals these wounds. It was hard to let go of an anger that took years in the making. But the good thing is, God made me realize that not all people will hurt us. There are still some who would make us believe that love is real. I am grateful for the kind of love that transpires history and would never distinguish because of color, race, appearance, and other physical disabilities. I am thankful that once in my life, I locked myself in my room and cried out loud to God because the comfort He gave me was way beyond powerful than any compliment from a persons mouth.